


Wait for me

by niamcuddles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, slight trigger warning (not explicit)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 02:18:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 261,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1167455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niamcuddles/pseuds/niamcuddles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam and Niall have technically known each other for all of their lives, it's just when they meet again after a few years, they don't expect to bond for life.</p><p>(There are three parts to this, Part 1 is Liam being 16 and Niall 11, Part 2 is 20 and 15 and Part 3 are 24 and 19, also, this is NOT underage as their relationship only develops later on)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

It was kinda weird to be lying on Zayn's shitty old mattress, wide awake I may add, while he was snoring loudly on his double sized bed, that he had refused to share with me because "Dude, no way, our mothers want us to get married anyway, no need to give them more ideas."  
  
They didn't want us to get married, however it was true that we had been practically forced to become friends, it's kinda hard not to when you're four and your mum makes playdates for you with them same kid over again just because she went to high school with HIS mum. Yeah, no denying that Zayn had come around well, we've known each other for approximately twelve years, the first eight spent to hang out so much we got bored of each other, I actually had liked the fact that we had moved away then, because truth be told, we hadn't gotten on well anymore in the end.  
  
But I was still there again, in his old, much messier room, now, after being practically forced by my mum to have a sleepover with Zayn because "Liam, we just moved back, I bet you two are dying to see each other after so many years, you always hung out so much remember?". Yeah, I did remember it, so I agreed and that's how we had ended up spending the whole afternoon playing video games, hardly talking, it was kinda awkward as well because nobody else was home or came to talk to us, so yeah. I really hoped monday would be better, I'd just find other friends in my new school, Zayn would probably ignore me anyway. Not that I minded too much.  
  
As I turned again, groaning a bit at the thought of having to lie here for another eight hours or so, I saw the light in the hallway being turned on due to the fact that I was practically lying on the floor. Maybe it was his mum or so, even if the footsteps were kinda too light for that, but they definitely came closer to the door, Zayn had probably been right, maybe she'd really check whether we'd share his bed.  
  
So I closed my eyes, I couldn't need a conversation now, focusing on breathing more even as the door opened slowly. Much to my surprise though, this was definitely not Zayn's mum. "Z-Zayn?"  
  
Even though I knew exactly who it was, I still looked up now to see Zayn's little brother, Niall, standing there, I hadn't seen him in years either of course, but he still looked too small for a boy his age, which was kinda dumb to think since he was still a child. "He's asleep, Niall."  
  
I couldn't really see his face properly, but I sat up now as he backed away a little, scared as it seemed, well, he probably had no idea who I was, right.  
  
"It's me, Liam, remember me? Zayn's friend." Actually, I didn't care if Zayn woke up due to this, I would've welcomed it to be honest, but I whispered anyway, so I wouldn't scare Niall even more, it must've been pretty confusing.  
  
He didn't answer me anyway, he just stared down at me, one hand still on the door handle, sniffing slightly and that's when I realized, there probably was a good reason he had come here at two am. Not so sure about this but I assumed his bedtime had been hours ago.  
  
"What's wrong, are you okay? Do you need Zayn?" Not that he would've helped, Zayn and Niall didn't get along well, maybe it was the age gap, I wasn't sure, or maybe their relationship had changed in the last four years. I doubted it though.  
  
"No. No, he gets grumpy if I wake him…" Niall mumbled, he seemed extremely shy, backing away a little now, staring down at his feet, I still couldn't see him properly so I decided to get up, I couldn't fall asleep anyway, I might as well help out, it would've been really irresponsible not to.  
  
"Maybe you wanna tell me what's up then?" I smiled, even though Niall backed away even further as I walked out into the hall, blinking a little because the light hurt, but then I could finally see him properly.  
  
He was still incredibly small, I had forgotten how old he had been, maybe four or five years younger than me, wearing a pokemon shirt that he twisted his fingers in now and pajama pants. It wasn't hard to admit that he was damn cute, I wasn't really into kids because I didn't have anything to do with them, but Niall here made me go softer immediately, I wouldn't have minded bringing him back to bed and reading him bedtime stories or something.  
  
"Or your mum?" The door behind me was still open, so I closed it quietly before facing Niall again, he was shaking his head now, sniffing again. God, I hadn't known I could feel like this, maybe because I had been a child myself the last time I had seen him, but now I wanted to desperately fix whatever was wrong with this poor kid.  
  
"Mum and dad are gone… and I can't sleep…" Really? They just left their child alone with Zayn and me, without even telling us?  
  
"Well, I can't sleep either, so there's two of us. Do you still know who I am?" Maybe I shouldn't have pushed it so much, we had never had anything to do with each other really, even though I slightly remember being allowed to hold him when he had been born and later all his fights with Zayn over toys, stuff like that.  
  
Niall sticked to simply nodding, I wondered if these were bad memories he had of me, but he hadn't started crying yet, it actually looked like he had just gotten done with that before coming here.  
  
"Did you have a nightmare or so?" I didn't know how to get him to talk, I was really bad at this, he probably wouldn't want me to comfort him anyway. Didn't change the fact that I desperately wanted to though.  
  
"I… I left Marshmallow in the living room." Wait, wait, what the hell.  
  
"Who… who exactly is Marshmallow?" Did he have a fantasy friend or something, this was getting a bit creepy, but Niall was still so shy and scared in front of me, I couldn't help my voice sounding even MORE caring than before.  
  
There was a tiny sigh, as if to tell me that I was damn stupid for not guessing the right answer myself. "My stuffie. And it's dark downstairs, he's scared."  
  
Oooh, see this made sense, his stuffed animal was down there, I dared saying that Niall was actually the one who was scared, but I smiled instead, trying to cheer him up a little. "Oh. Should we go and get him?"  
  
"Can you come with me? I don't like when it's dark…" He wasn't looking at me anymore, the words came out rather quiet compared to the rest, how in the world would I have been able to say no, really, nobody would've, I swear, Niall was the cutest kid I had ever met hands down.  
  
"Of course, come on." I made a step towards the stairs, waiting if he would follow me and he did, actually nearly touching me the closer we got, this was really adorable, if he hadn't acted so shy before maybe I would've put an arm around him to calm him down or so, I don't know, it's just what would've felt right.  
  
Something that I wouldn't have considered though was holding his hand, I mean, if Zayn would've done that it would've been fine, but Niall seemed to think otherwise, because that's exactly what he did when I walked down the first step. I nearly pulled my arm back in surprise, thinking that now I was the one who was too scared at feeling someone slipping their hand in mine. Niall didn't even care if I stared down at him in surprise, or maybe he was too busy tightening his grip, nearly shaking now. Aw, this was really sweet actually, I felt incredibly grown up, and really protective as I looked at our hands before deciding that it was cute, his hand nearly got lost in mine, but he didn't even think of pulling away again.  
  
"So, where exactly…" I didn't finish because Niall pulled me along as soon as he had turned on the lights, going straight for the couch, obviously not so scared anymore seeing as he lot go of my hand to nearly run over.  
  
Marshmallow was a stuffed horse, that looked like Niall had had it for too many years without ever washing it or letting go of it, but I still couldn't hold back my smile when he came back to me, keeping it pressed against his chest, only letting go with one hand to hold mine again that I had been holding out slightly, kinda unsure, but he probably wasn't THAT shy. Or just really scared, either way I kinda liked the fact that he was fine with me being here instead of Zayn or his parents. See, at least someone was somewhat happy about me spending the night here.  
  
When we walked back upstairs, I turned the lights back off since Niall was busy snuggling his face into his stuffed horse and kissing it, I suddenly remembered that I still wasn't sure how old he really was, there couldn't have been only four years difference between us if he was acting like this. "Niall… how old are you now?"  
  
"Ten…" Really, six years? This couldn't be. Well, it fitted, because he didn't seem to have gotten much taller or looking older either, he still had his cute nose and the brown hair falling nearly over his hair. "You?"  
  
This question caught me a bit off guard, but I laughed quietly as we reached the top of the stairs, kinda glad that he had decided to talk to me. "I turned sixteen a few days ago, so I'm as old as your brother."  
  
"Oh… then your birthday is really close to mine, I'm gonna be eleven in a week." He announced, happily even, which surprised me, but maybe that realization was the reason for him to pull me along down the hall to his own room, not that I really minded, I wasn't tired yet anyway and there was only a really uncomfortable mattress waiting for me.  
  
"Really? Eleven, wow, you're really grown up already, huh? Are you gonna have a party?" That's what you do when you're turning eleven, right? And then when you turn sixteen you stay at home because you hardly have any friends ha, ha, ha…  
  
"Yes! And my friends are gonna come and my dad will come home too and…" He kept babbling on, too loud for a time like this, but who was I to shush him or ask any questions, I was just glad that that expression from earlier had left his face, that I had been able to help because if I would've just left him by himself then the guilt would be eating me alive now.  
  
His room was a mess, just like Zayn's but maybe not that much, I preferred the stuffed animals and pillows to dirty underwear trust me. Also the walls were plastered with drawings and photos but mostly pictures of  animals and those shows that kids watched, I didn't know all of them, but I was pretty sure that I would've gotten made fun of for liking My little pony. Not that it bothered me in any way, I just took notice of it before Niall suddenly let go of me, going silent.  
  
"Everything alright…?" It kinda worried me a little that his little happy speech had stopped, he was just cuddling his horse now, leaving me standing there in the middle of his room, very unsure of what to do.  
  
"Mhm…" This didn't sound too excited.  
  
"You… you wanna go back to bed now? It's really late… I think…" Not that I wanted to give him any orders, I just didn't know what else to say besides I think his parents would appreciate it if at least I tried to be here if Zayn wasn't.  
  
"Okay…" Niall nodded slowly, making his way over to his bed that was filled with pillows as well and with puppy bedsheets that made Niall impossibly cuter as he pulled the blanket up to his chin, still looking at me, as if he waited for something.  
  
"Ummm… you know I can… wait until you're asleep or so, if you want me to, you know…" I mean, I remembered not being able to fall asleep anymore in situations like this when I had been his age, maybe that had just been me though, all I really wanted was him being able to fall asleep and for me to waste some more time before having to go back to Zayn's room.  
  
"Yes, please." Wow, so polite all of a sudden, it got me thinking as I walked over to sit on the edge of his bed, there was nowhere else to sit anyway, Niall seemed more relaxed now after my offer, he smiled briefly before half nuzzling his face into his stuffed horse. "Can you not tell Zayn that I couldn't fall asleep without Marshmallow?"  
  
"Wha- yeah, sure, I mean, no, I won't say anything, don't worry, okay?" I wondered what Zayn would've said otherwise but I decided not to ask, maybe Niall didn't wanna tell me, he didn't even know me anymore after all.  
  
"Thanks…he'd only laugh." Oh, so that was why. Now this made me feel bad, poor Niall, how could anyone laugh at a face like this, had Zayn lost his mind or something. Wait, yes he had.  
  
"Well, if he'd laugh then he's really stupid because that's not funny or anything, no need to be embarrassed, Niall. Everything's fine and I'm not gonna say a word, okay?" When Niall yawned, I was awfully close to giving him a kiss on the forehead, which took me by surprise, I hadn't thought I was the guy to feel so maternal towards someone but here I was. "You should close your eyes."  
  
Instead of answering me, he just did what I had suggested, snuggling deeper into his pillow and sighing slightly before finally staying still after wiggling around a bit, to get more comfortable I assume. It was a cute sight, honestly, his hair was all tousled up now because of all the moving around just so he'd settle again the way he had been in the beginning, with him nearly buried completely under his blanket while cuddling with his stuffie.  
  
I decided to wait for a while, even after he had slept in which happened in the first ten minutes, it didn't seem to disturb him that I looked down at him, not knowing where else to look and besides I also didn't want to.  
  
The clock read 2:38 when I got up slowly, keeping my hand on where I thought Niall's shoulder was for a second to make sure he was asleep before walking towards the door, leaving the light on his bedside table turned on because he had never told me to turn it off, maybe he was scared, I didn't wanna risk that. Also, I had no idea whether the door should be closed or not, so I left it open an crack, deciding to go to the bathroom and try finding out the wifi password instead of dealing with Zayn's snores for one more minute.  
  
  
  
———  
  
  
  
I felt as if I was dead when Zayn nearly fell over me the next morning, I had been asleep for what felt like five minutes, in reality it had probably been two to three hours. I'd never sleep over ever again, I should've just walked home or something, sleeping on my own front porch seemed like a better thing to do than hang out in other people's bathrooms, having to learn the hard way that I had forgotten my phone charger.  
  
"Hell, I nearly forgot you were there…" Well, I wish I had forgotten it too, but it was kinda hard next to some guy who was louder than a war going on outside and in a room that smelled and looked like it had been going on in here.  
  
"Yeah… what's the time? I should call my mum to get me." And sleep at home.  
  
"Eleven or somethin', no idea." Zayn was going through his stuff as I sat up, rubbing my eyes before grabbing my phone, realizing that the battery was out, shit, how'd I get home then?  
  
"You don't happen to have my mum's number and a phone I can borrow, do you?" I had thought it was in Zayn's interest as well to get me out of here as soon as possible, playdates didn't exactly work anymore and it's not like we had needed last night to figure out we both had changed over the years and didn't share any interests, at all.  
  
"The second, yes, but I don't have her number. My mum has it though, she should be back in a few hours." HOURS.  
  
"Yeah, alright, sorry, I gotta bother you until then." It had been a joke, I even laughed but Zayn just shrugged, as if he seriously thought about if he should accept the apology or not.  
  
"It's fine. Let's go downstairs, I'm starvin'." Yeah, downstairs included moving, the last thing I felt like doing. But at least I preferred it over staying in this room, so I just followed Zayn through the all too familiar house, throwing a glance over to Niall's room where the door was wide open. So he was awake alone again, not that I'd go check or something, but I wanted to.  
  
As we reached the kitchen I decided that I wasn't hungry, it's not that I found it so disgusting, it's just that I didn't want to go through all the stuff like Zayn suggested, so I waited for him to make a bowl of cereal before heading to the living room, texting somebody meanwhile. I hoped it was his mum and that he told her to come back earlier because he couldn't stand me anymore, it most likely wasn't though.  
  
The last thing I expected really was seeing Niall now, but he was on the couch, watching cartoons with his Marshmallow horse, curled up in a ball. Before I could open my mouth to say something, Zayn had already seen him, half groaning at the sight of his little brother. "I thought you're with mum and dad."  
  
"They dropped me off last night…" It was wrong, the way Niall flinched at Zayn's voice, as if he was scared he might hit him or something.  
  
"Yeah, whatever, go to your room, we are gonna watch TV now." To think their relationship had improved had clearly been a mistake, wow, didn't Zayn feel bad at seeing Niall's face go all sad, I nearly stepped in right there.  
  
"Can't I stay and watch too? Pleeeasee." That puppy face should've been illegal to ignore yet all Zayn did was change the channel before sitting down furthest away from his brother, glaring at him while I was still too speechless to react to all of this.  
  
"You have ten seconds to get up and go upstairs." It sounded like a threat, who would threaten a ten year old with pokemon pajamas?  
  
"But I wanna stay!" His voice broke a little, if he started crying now then I'd have an official confirmation that Zayn was heartless.  
  
"God, Niall, you're so annoying, I'm the one who gives orders, so get up right now or this ugly horse is gonna get a free flying lesson." He was.  
  
"Zayn, you know, I wouldn't mind if Niall stayed, I mean, he was here first, so…" This wasn't my family, or my house, it just felt horribly wrong to stay quiet and not say a word. All I got for my attempts though was a hopeful look from Niall that broke my heart and Zayn not even acknowledging the fact that I had spoken up.  
  
"I warned you." That was all, and then Marshmallow got sent flying across the room, Niall started crying, Zayn continued to eat his cereals as if nothing had ever happened and I was standing there like the dumb idiot I was, watching as Niall ran over to pick up his horse before disappearing upstairs, still sobbing before clearly throwing his door shut hard as he reached his room.  
  
"Was that necessary?" Not sure if I even wanted to hear an explanation, you couldn't really talk yourself out of doing something like this and it's not exactly that Zayn felt guilty or anything, he just gave me half a shrug.  
  
"There's no other way to get him out of the room." Here's where the problem started, WHY would you even want to get him out, he was adorable.  
  
"But… he's probably still crying and-"  
  
"Dude, chill out, he'll come around, as soon as my parents come back he's gonna run to them and tell on me so there's no need for you to piss your pants now." Great, so did I want to watch TV with an asshole now that used to be my best friend or go upstairs to comfort his little brother or just walk home and leave them all alone because this was freaking insane.  
  
"Can I go check on him?" I should've just gone, why had I asked.  
  
"No, you're not gonna check on him, because all he's gonna do is cry and tell you how mean I am and then he thinks he can get through with not listening to me. Look, when our parents aren't there, I get to say what's happening, he needs to listen to me. Now please let's just drop this." To a certain extend he was right, yeah, Niall needed to listen to him, but not in situations like these.  
  
This was just ridiculous, I dropped down in Niall's now empty space, feeling as if my guilt was eating me alive when me and Zayn went back to ignoring each other, he laughed at the TV occasionally and I sometimes wondered if their first floor was high enough to die if you jumped but that was all we did for an hour or so. I started to wonder how it had happened that we had gotten along like EVER and why the fuck I had agreed to coming here, my whole stuff wasn't even unpacked at our new house and I was wasting time here.  
  
A few times I thought about pretending to go to the toilet just to check on Niall, but who knows what Zayn would do then, I had a feeling I wouldn't be the one he'd take it out on so I let it be, silently praying to hear the front door open, but I got disappointed.  
  
When Zayn suddenly remembered that he had to get homework done, I offered my help, just because I was about to die from boredom, but he agreed, a little confused, but still. "Oh, shit, I forgot my book upstairs, I'll be right back."  
  
"Okay." Not that I minded to be left alone, at least I got to sit in the kitchen.  
  
"Zayn, I'm bleeding!" Niall came running downstairs before Zayn was able to leave, nearly shouting while holding up his finger. There was no sign of sadness left from earlier, no, he came running to Zayn AGAIN, just like he had tried to last night, this was so fucking sad, I knew he'd get rejected.  
  
"It's just a paper cut, get yourself together, you're such a baby." Maybe Niall had known it too, his face fell a little, but he just sniffed, trying to unpack the band aid by his own then, not running after his brother as he left us alone.  
  
"Hey, Niall… come here, I can do it." The sight had been too pitiful to ignore for just one second, he came over to me, slowly, handing me the band aid as I reached out for it, still sitting but Niall was still smaller than me. "What happened?"  
  
"I was doing my homework and then… I cut myself on accident." It really was only a tiny cut, hardly any blood, I made sure to cover it up after unpacking the band aid, hoping it didn't hurt or anything, he didn't deserve it.  
  
"All good now?" I smiled, even if I didn't feel like it, but Niall was just a child, nobody should ever be cruel to him or do anything but care about him.  
  
First he nodded, examining his finger before speaking up, a little more quiet. "Can you kiss it better?"  
  
Actually, I had thought you only did this with toddlers or so, but Niall sounded so close to tears and he would've passed as a five year old the way he looked, so I took his hand carefully without answering, kissing the band aid slightly like he had asked me to. "Better?"  
  
"Yes… thank you." The tiny smile he gave me was the cutest thing, it made me feel warmer immediately to watch him walking out of the kitchen again, leaving me alone once more. Somehow it was a really painful thought to think that maybe the reason he left was because he knew Zayn would probably shoo him out again anyway.  
  
So I waited by myself then, I think somewhere from upstairs I heard something like "No, you can do your homework yourself if you just try harder, Niall, I can't help you now" which was ironic because wasn't I here waiting for Zayn to help HIM?  
  
It never came to that though, after like, fifteen minutes, he came downstairs, in quite a rush instead of sitting down like I had expected him to.  
  
"Listen, I'm sorry, but my girlfriend just called and I have to go over. If my mum comes home please tell her where I am, make yourself feel like home meanwhile, you know this house anyway." Of course he wasn't actually sorry, and maybe I also wasn't too sad over this, I mean, who knows, maybe he didn't even have a girlfriend, maybe it was just an attempt to save both our days.  
  
"Alright, I'll see you some time or so." Most likely, if our mum's wouldn't stop being best friends which would never happen, at one point they'd drag one of us to each other's houses again.  
  
"Bye, Liam, nice seeing you again." His smile even seemed somewhat genuine before he disappeared out of the kitchen, the front door closing a few seconds after, leaving me some time to bury my face in my hands.  
  
This had not been a good start here, honestly, I don't know what I had hoped for, but when my mum had told me she wanted to move back, I had thought to myself, well, it can't get even worse, right, at least I knew some people here. At my other school, I had hardly had any friends at all, I had had hopes that maybe if I came back then I'd have at least Zayn, but yeah, I'd have to start at zero again. And I wasn't good at making friends at all, I just made no effort to.  
  
When I was done pitying myself a bit, maybe even having a little moment because of school tomorrow, I got myself together, remembering that I wasn't actually all alone, and most likely also not the one feeling the worst in this house.  
  
The fact that I actually had to practically play babysitter now at least gave me something to do, so I walked up to Niall's room, finding his door closed once again, even if he hadn't thrown it shut like before, it still seemed wrong.  
  
"Niall? Can I come in?" I knocked, because it seemed to be the right thing to do, not sure if I really would've taken a no.  
  
He said nothing instead, even as I waited a little, so I just opened the door slowly, peeking inside, but all I saw was a really big mountain of pillows and stuffed animals on his bed, no Niall. It was not hard to guess where he was though, this was either a game or something was terribly wrong.  
  
"Are you under there? Come on, Niall, talk to me." It was actually my responsibility to go and check, so that's exactly what I did, walking over to his bed to move some of the pillows, immediately making Niall turn away from me when I revealed his face. "There you are. What's wrong?"  
  
"N-Nothing." Oh damn.  
  
"I just wanna help, I promise, I won't tell Zayn or anybody else." Promising something like this was risky, but I didn't know what else to do as Niall turned onto his stomach to bury his face into his pillow, sniffing very obviously. "Please?"  
  
"W-Where's Z-Zayn?" Did he really want him, still?  
  
"He's gone, it's just us now, maybe we can call him if you-"  
  
"No… he doesn't like when I call him…" Yeah, I would've bet my money on that.  
  
Niall sat up slowly now, his eyes were red and wet, like his face, even if he tried to rub it dry with his hand, it made everything even worse. "You don't have to tell me, I just thought, it would help, maybe."  
  
"I-I just… I can't do my homework and… and Zayn always says it's because I'm dumb and then h-he tells my dad and he gets m-mad at me…" What was wrong with everybody in this family, god, was it their freaking hobby to make this poor bundle of sadness feel even worse?!  
  
"You're not dumb, I can help you, okay? Do you want that?" I wanted to reach out, pull him into my arms so he could cry there if he wanted to, but I wasn't gonna force it on him, so all I did was smile softly, relieved at seeing him nod slowly.  
  
"Don't you have to go home?" It didn't sound mean, he was just curious, besides if he had wanted to he could've called me every name in the book with a face like this and I would still want to cuddle him.  
  
"No, I'll stay here until your parents come back, is that okay?" Not that I would've dared leaving him alone, I had no idea at what age you can leave your kids alone at home, better not risk it.  
  
"Yeah." He even seemed happy about this, can you believe it, all I had done was help him getting his stuffed horse from downstairs and he was already liking me and smiling at me, I liked that, it made me feel a little better because of the move and tomorrow and all. Couldn't be that shit of a person then, right.  
  
"Alright then, homework?" His face looked a little better now, he got up and down on the floor where his stuff was, obviously not intending to get up again, so I walked over as well, sitting down cross legged besides to look at what was causing him so many problems.  
  
Niall pretty much just dropped his book in my lap, it was maths, basic luckily, I mean he was only ten but I had been kinda scared that maybe I was too dumb to understand it, that would've been embarrassing. He pointed to the first three problems on the open page though, the easiest as it seemed. "These ones."  
  
"No worries, you'll understand those in no time, you got a pen?"  
  
So that's how I ended up with a Furby pencil a few seconds later, while Niall was holding and leaning onto the arm I needed for writing to be able to look at what I was doing. I decided to deal with it rather than telling him to back off, I had understood by now that he got affectionate very easily, it's not that I minded, it just made it a bit harder to move. Besides, I wasn't Zayn and I actually started to care about if he really got maths or not, I mean, I couldn't always help him with his homework.  
  
Twenty minutes later, after Niall had stored his school stuff again, smiling the whole time now, he came back to me, wrapping his arms around my waist as far as that was possible, actually lower, because of the height difference, but it was still really unexpected. And really, really cute. "Thank you for helping me."  
  
"No problem, Niall." I nearly offered to help him again any time he wanted to, but I just sticked to patting his back slightly when he didn't let go immediately again, staying with his face pressed into my stomach. "You wanna… do something, or… I don't know, are you hungry or so?"  
  
Not that I knew how to make something to eat, but I think I'd find the cereals again, who knows if he had had breakfast yet, I was just trying to do what I thought would be right if I was babysitting for real here. "No, can we watch TV? Please?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, whatever you wanna do." Good, there were none of my very bad skills needed, besides Niall got really happy with my answer, he let go of me just to nearly jump up and down, his smile was too big for a simple thing like that. The fact alone that he had asked for permission was very strange to me, this wasn't my house.  
  
"Come on!" His energy was unbelievable, before I could even fully get a grip of what was going on, he was holding my hand like last night, pulling me to the door, over excitedly as if I had told him we'd be going to Disneyland or something.  
  
"No need to run, we got enough time." I laughed even if it got me thinking a little, I wondered if Zayn ever watched TV with his little brother. Or anybody else.  
  
"Sorry…" Well, and the fact that just one comment killed all of his happiness wasn't to be overlooked either.  
  
"Hey, no, that's fine, I didn't mean it like that, okay? We can watch whatever you want." Really, even those cartoons from earlier that looked a lot like something I usually cringed at.  
  
"Really?" The smile came back when I nodded, squeezing his hand slightly in an attempt to make up for obviously saying something wrong even if I didn't know what the problem had been, I just nearly sighed in relief at Niall taking up talking too fast about random stuff again. As if he was scared I'd disappear before he had told me everything.  
  
Even though I was probably the one most surprised by this, but it was nicer spending time with Niall than I had thought, when he asked if we could watch DVDs as well I agreed immediately, hoping that he owned better movies than those kids shows we had been watching for about fifteen minutes now, which made his eyes sparkle before he nearly fell over his own feet from jumping up so quickly. I was about to reach out and catch him, but there was no need to luckily, all he did was giggle while I tried to calm down from nearly having a heart attack. Like, who knows what could happen if he fell onto his head or something, I was losing my mind, clearly.  
  
"Is this okay?" After going through the drawer of all his movies for a bit, creating a mess from what I saw, he came back holding up Finding Nemo.  
  
"Sure, that ones good, I like it too. You need help putting it in?" Actually, I didn't wait for him to answer, I just got up, hoping that I'd figure out how this DVD player worked because I didn't want to see Niall's face turn sad again, it was horrible.  
  
"Yeah, my mum always does it for me…" Well, I hoped that at least she stayed to watch TV with him because from what I've heard even in this short time, both his dad and Zayn had made him cry.  
  
"Let's see…you can sit down meanwhile if you want to, I'll have this figured out in no time, you'll see." All I got was a giggle for that, but he left me alone to solve this problem, maybe falling down behind me because I heard something, but as I turned, all I could see was him on the couch, with his fingers in his mouth while watching cartoons again.  
  
I started to wonder if my mum would also be satisfied if I just spent time with Niall instead of Zayn next time she would force me to come over again, I mean, they were both her best friend's sons, it shouldn't matter which one I liked better right. Everyone would win in this situation, I just needed to remember coming up for a reasonable explanation that didn't end with 'I hate Zayn'.  
  
"Ha!" After too long actually, I walked back to Niall with the remote in my hands, quite proud of myself because this was one hell of a DVD player.  
  
Niall just smiled, I appreciated the fact that he hadn't whined around about me taking forever to fix this, he was just happy when I sat down next to him, switching the channel. Watching Nemo now sounded a lot better than walking home for an hour, luckily I hadn't stormed out before like I had planned.  
  
It took exactly eight minutes before Niall scooted so close to me that he could lean against my arm, not that he was tired or so, he made it seem like it had been an accident, even I would've believed it if he had commented it, which he didn't, because he was busy enlightening me with all of his thoughts to every single thing happening in the movie. Even if it had exactly nothing to do with it.  
  
"Who's your favorite? My favorite is Dory, because she's blue and blue is my favorite color. Did you know that Sydney is in Australia, I learned that in school. What food do you like best, Liam? I like Pizza, but my mum says it's really unhealthy but I don't care." And so on.  
  
Maybe my answers would've consisted of more than single words, if I hadn't been so sleepy my eyes dropped shut every few seconds, only so I opened them again in shock when Niall laughed. And just for the record, he laughed at everything, it wasn't even forced or so, he genuinely found this movie hilarious, which made me smile slightly, closed eyes again.  
  
"Liam! You can't sleep now!" Of course, he noticed after some time, poking my arm that he had been holding onto for the last few minutes.  
  
"I'm awake…" Barely.  
  
"No, your eyes are closed." I let them flatter open just for him, being met by his face nearly in front of mine, I had slipped down a little and Niall was probably up on his knees, not that I bothered checking.  
  
"They're not, see?" It made me laugh slightly when he rolled his eyes and sighed, I don't know, I hadn't expected him to do something like this.  
  
"But if you sleep now then you can't sleep tonight, that's what my mum always says."  Which maybe was right for him but I could practically sleep whenever I wanted to. Except for last night.  
  
"Good thing I'm awake then." Maybe I should've tried sticking to that, but I wasn't sure if I would manage it, I felt as if I had to pass out every second even if he was still looking at me.  
  
"No, you're not." Niall was seriously pouting after that, he sat back down though to watch the screen again, making me feel bad, because, well, I had promised to do whatever he wanted, right.  
  
"Yes, I'll watch it with you now. I had a fish once and he looked exactly like Nemo, maybe it was him." This wasn't even made up or anything, maybe I could even slightly remember how Zayn and Niall had been at my old house with their parents, like, eight years ago, and how I hadn't allowed them to go any nearer than one meter.  
  
"I don't believe you." He crossed his arms, which looked quite funny, but I held back my laughter, knowing that he'd play mad even longer if I didn't.  
  
"You're calling me a liar?" It was actually quite strange how much it bothered me that there was a possibility he'd stop babbling about every random thing that came to his mind now, other people would be glad.  
  
"Maybe." Was all Niall said, not turning his head again to look at me, he just pretended to be watching the movie, clearly in a twist whether he really should believe me or not.  
  
"Well then…" Without really spending a thought, only that I hated how quiet he had gone all of a sudden, I started tickling him, figuring it was okay since even now he was leaning onto me, obviously not afraid of touches.  
  
"NOOO-" His laughter and squealing nearly hurt in my ears, I held him close so he couldn't escape, quickly stopping again though, I had tried my best to be gentle but you know, if I hurt him in the end I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.  
  
"Seems as if someone's a little ticklish." As soon as I let go, he looked up at me, still half giggling, which was really cute, and also relieving because I had suddenly feared he might be mad at me again. This was going too far.  
  
"That wasn't fair!" Niall's face was too happy for this statement, he went back into his original position again, not minding when I put my arm around him, maybe he even liked it because he curled up next to me, waiting a few seconds. "Did your fish really look like Nemo?"  
  
And we went back to normal just like that.  
  
\-----  
  
I did sleep in, during the last twenty minutes, with Niall half on top of me, not complaining this time, he was tired as well now and his yaws were the cutest thing in the world. After everything else he did.  
  
So that's how his mum woke us up, I was pretty confused at someone saying my name, my hand grabbing something strange that I could identify as Niall's shirt later, and the strange weight on me turned out to bis head. "Liam? Where's Zayn?"  
  
"Umm… he's…" Right, he hadn't told me to lie. "At his girlfriend's house. Emergency or so." I added the last part, because I thought it sounded better than simply saying that he had left, we didn't get along, which didn't mean that I was gonna be an asshole.  
  
"You didn't have to stay, Niall can be alone by himself for a few hours." No. Looking at this whole situation, he could, but it wasn't recommendable and if I were his mother I wouldn't dare to, and why would you even want to.  
  
"Well, I didn't mind, besides, my phone ran out of battery." Niall sat up a little now, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles which nearly made me coo at him. "And we had fun, didn't we?"  
  
"Mhmm…" The reason why it sounded like this was because he was still tired, twisting his hand slightly into my shirt without really noticing I believe, but I kept my arm where it was, to be sure. "Mum..."  
  
She sat down beside him when Niall spoke up, slightly brushing his hair back even if he remained close to me. "What, baby? Liam was really nice for keeping you company, right?"  
  
"Yeah… can he stay for dinner?" I wasn't really sure if I would want to, even if Niall seemed too excited all of a sudden for just waking up from a nap.  
  
"Of course, if he wants to." Then she looked over at me, smiling slightly. "You don't have to, I can also call your mum to get you now if you-"  
  
"No, stay for dinner, okay? Please?" The 'please' at the end of all of his requests seemed to be a thing, well, it was polite and adorable too.  
  
"I wouldn't mind, if you want me to." I simply shrugged, really, I had spent all my day here, one more hour to keep Niall happy didn't matter anymore either, it was getting dark outside already anyway. Not that I had had plans or so, I never actually did.  
  
"Yay!" Niall was about to jump up, all of his tiredness was forgotten, how the hell did he do that, I still felt on the edge of dying.  
  
"He only wants to stay if you go and change out of your pajamas now, Ni." Ni… was that his nickname?  
  
When Niall jumped up unexpectedly, I nearly fell forward out of surprise, the thought of me not staying seemed to get to him because even his mum pulled up her eyebrows at him half running to the stairs and yelling something that sounded like "But Liam sits next to ME!". Had I left that much of an impact? I highly doubted it, I had been here for only half a day.  
  
"Oh wow, he really seems to like you. If it's getting too much you don't have to stay, you know, he gets clingy very easily, I can also tell him that you forgot you had to be somewhere or so, so he doesn't get too sad." She'd LIE to him?!  
  
"No, no, it's fine, really. I should… probably umm… change as well." Right, now that I thought about it, I was still in training shorts and my sleep shirt, it had been okay with Niall but now it seemed kinda embarrassing actually.  
  
"Alright. If you see Niall upstairs can you remind him that he still has maths homework to do, please?" For a second I didn't think about it and simply nodded while getting up, but then it hit me.  
  
"Oh, I already helped him with that earlier, it's finished." No idea why this was such a big deal as well, but it seemed to be a big thing.  
  
"Really? That is so sweet of you, Liam, thank you." Actually I think it was normal what I had done, but I got not chance to answer before she left so I thought to myself that it didn't matter anyway, I hadn't done it for anyone besides Niall after all.  
  
Zayn had probably fallen over all of my stuff twice, so it took me some time to stuff everything back into my backpack and change into normal clothes, which was actually good because the last thing I wanted was having to be alone with Niall's parents, I hadn't seen them for years after all, it was rather awkward.  
  
That's also why I decided to go check for Niall first, go downstairs with him if he was still in his room, yeah, it would make me feel better having him by my side, as weird as that sounded.  
  
It turned out to be unnecessary to worry, because he was actually waiting for me by the stairs, in too big jeans and a hoodie now, playing with the strings before he saw me coming. "I hope mum makes fries."  
  
"I thought pizza is your favorite food?" See, I had been listening after all, in between my 5 second naps, Niall was beaming after that question.  
  
"Yes, but we only eat it on my birthday because nobody likes it as much as I do." Well, I didn't doubt that.  
  
"Then you only have to wait one more week. Is your birthday on the 13th then?" I tried to remember it but nothing, all I knew was what he had told me last night.  
  
"Yeah!" He nodded excitedly, jumping down the stairs next to me, I'm not kidding he was actually jumping and I thought I'd have a heart attack every time because he might slip, so I tried to focus on staying ready to catch him. "You wanna come too?"  
  
"I'll think about it, okay?" Until then he'd have forgotten about inviting me anyway, he was hardly paying attention now either I believe. At least I hoped so, because as cute as he was, I still didn't feel like going to a kids birthday party.  
  
"Mum, what's for dinner?!" See, he didn't even think about my answer, that was good, I didn't want to be the one who disappointed him.  
  
While Niall yelled around in the house, I went to drop my backpack by the door, only going to the kitchen slowly, taking as much time as possible while doing so, as far as I could remember I had always been scared of Niall's dad as a kid, I mean I was 16 now, I should be able to deal with it, but still, wasn't really keen on meeting him again.  
  
"… we ate that already yesterday, honey, why don't you carry those plates to the table?" Sounded like no fries for Niall.  
  
"Niall, stop behaving like a baby now, you'll eat whatever your mum makes." And now I knew who Zayn came after, I usually didn't judge people like this, but it had been a short night.  
  
"I'm not a baby!" The scene in the kitchen made me wish I would've also made up having to use the bathroom really badly, Niall was doing what his mother had told him yet it still looked very much like another family fight.  
  
"Then don't behave like one. And no yelling, you know that. Ah, Liam, good seeing you again." I had decided that hiding would be rude, so I walked over to Niall's dad, shaking his hand even if he remained seated while Niall regularly threw glares at him over the table.  
  
"You too, sir." Is that what you say, because I didn't know, I never met anyone's parents since I had not friends that would invite me to their house, ha, ha.  
  
"Sit down, come on." For a second, I wondered if he would be offended if I didn't sit next to him, but then I met Niall's eyes and he was patting the chair on his left very obviously while staring at me, so I really had no choice, right?  
  
So while I was forced to make smalltalk, at least Niall was pretty happy again, he started examining my wristbands when I put my arm on the table, playing with them but knowing better than to interrupt his dad, even if I would've welcomed it, I hated when all the attention was on me. Especially if it were topics like those. "So, first day in school tomorrow?"  
  
"Umm, yeah." Great, thanks, it's not like I had been trying to forget that for the past few months.  
  
"Is that the same school Zayn goes to, mum?" Niall directed his question at his mother even if she hadn't been part of the conversation at all, very strange if you ask me.  
  
"Yes, and the one you'll go to when you're old enough." She smiled down at him while putting a bowl of spaghetti in the middle of the table, luckily, I was dying now to get home, this was getting stranger instead of better.  
  
"That's right next to my school! You can visit me sometime, Liam." Right, because of this town being so small, high school and middle school were basically connected.  
  
"I don't think he has time for that, Niall." God, why was dad so mean, I'd visit him now for sure, just because…and a little because at least I was sure that he liked me and no one else probably would.  
  
Niall's face fell a little, but I winked at him, glad to see him smile brightly before deciding that spaghetti weren't that bad of a alternative option to fries.  
  
The rest of dinner went better, mostly because Niall couldn't shut up anymore which meant nobody really payed attention to me anymore and also because his dad got a phone call and left the table for so long I didn't see him anymore that day, which meant that Niall got even more talkative.  
  
When my mum picked me up fifty minutes or so later, Niall hugged me again, much to the surprise of both our mum's, telling me that I should come visit him again soon, which was freaking adorable so I just agreed, not thinking that he'd remember that anyway, just like before.  
  
"So, how was it?" It sounded unsure, probably because I had my head leaned against the car window next to me.  
  
"Fine… I guess. I didn't sleep a lot." I couldn't be honest of course, it would've also been really rude and besides nothing would've changed anyway.  
  
"Where was Zayn anyway?" God, how'd she get from 'I didn't sleep' to Zayn?!  
  
"At his girlfriend's house. I couldn't call you because my phone was out of battery, so I stayed with Niall, but that was fine as well." More than that actually, it gave me the feeling that the whole day hadn't been wasted.  
  
"Aw, he's such an adorable little boy, I didn't know you were into kids so much, Li, but from what I've heard he loves you." I wouldn't go that far but okay.  
  
"Yeah… he's cute, I guess." What an understatement.  
  
I didn't bother pretending to unpack my stuff when we got home, I just went straight to bed, at least now I wouldn't be awake the whole night trying to calm down because of school like I had feared, I slept in after like five minutes, not spending another thought on Zayn or Niall or anybody else.  
  
Which, of course, also meant that I woke up again without any preparation at all, I was lucky enough to hear my alarm to start with.  
  
My mum worked late, which meant that I was alone in the mornings, well, me and my cat, Loki, not that I minded, I even got to take the car because we basically lived right next to where my mum worked, only a few streets down.  
  
The way to school turned out to be a little difficult to find, maybe it was my lack of motivation to get there in the first place, I had tried to waste as much time as somehow possible, find a good excuse for why I had to be late, but I found none, so I ended up in the car anyway. Well, I could still be late every day for the rest of my two years here, maybe a good start might help, who knows. Not that that would help me fitting in here better than anywhere else.  
  
In fact, I was so nervous, I stayed in my car for a little bit longer than necessary after parking, watching a few people walking by, somehow still hoping that I might see Zayn and suddenly change my mind so we could become best friends and I wouldn't have to worry about anything.  
  
That never happened though. The only success I had was asking someone for the way to my first class after getting lost five time and not dying of embarrassment or even stuttering. "Alright, thanks…"  
  
"Hey, wait. Have I ever seen you here before?" What kinda of a question was that after I had just confessed that I didn't know this building.  
  
"Umm, I'm new." I wanted to go, but this boy was way too interested to just leave, I didn't wanna make enemies the first day, so I stayed.  
  
"Oh, okay. I'm Louis, what's your name then?" He looked strange, kinda, I mean, his clothes, not he himself. God, I was such a freak.  
  
"Liam. Liam Payne." Did he want my last name as well, now that I thought about it it was rather weird that I-  
  
"Liam?! Are you serious, oh god, don't you remember me? I knew that you seemed familiar to me, I can't believe you're back, I gotta tell Harry about this. How are you?" Wait, wait. He actually knew me?!  
  
"I-I… I'm not sure if I…" And then it hit me.  
  
Sure, Louis Tomlinson, we had gone to school together for a year maybe, he and Harry had been like attached by the hip so we had never really hung out because I would've been the third wheel, so that's why I had been mostly running after Zayn, even if in his group of friends, I had been the seventh wheel. A perfect description of me.  
  
"Oh." Was all I said then because, what else could I have said, I couldn't believe he had remembered me over all those years, I had been mostly quiet.  
  
"Wow, not so much excitement, please." Louis laughed, patting my back, seemed as if everyone here was affectionate as fuck. With Niall it was alright, but I wasn't sure now. "Seriously now, why'd you move back, everything alright?"  
  
"Yeah, sure. It was my mum's decision anyway, so." Truth was, my parents had gotten divorced, I didn't see a need to tell him that though.  
  
"It's pretty cool that you're back if you ask me, this school is full of boring people, we can need some new ones like you." Boring. Yeah, well, I'd probably fit in better than I had thought. "Where's Zayn? Weren't you two like, best friends or something like that?"  
  
"Umm… we kinda… lost touch and stuff, so, yeah…" I didn't wanna be associated with him again, so I thought it was better to just say how it was, maybe I'd manage to be friends with Louis this time, provided he and Harry weren't all over each other anymore. But even then I would've been glad actually.  
  
"Oh, well that sucks. So you don't have anyone here, huh?" Thanks for pointing that out.  
  
"Not really, I… this is my first day." I tried to defend myself, which was unnecessary, in a few days I'd be sitting alone at lunch again for everyone to see again. Fun.  
  
"Don't worry, you got me and Harry, I'll see you later, okay? Good luck. And before I forget it, if a teacher makes you introduce yourself say something funny, it helps with first impression and stuff, trust me." Okay, all I heard was that I had already messed up.  
  
"Thanks, Louis." As I turned to go, I was pretty much already convinced that he was regretting talking to me, but I was proven wrong. Very wrong.  
  
"Liam!" Half the hallway turned at him screaming, it was impossible to overhear, I could feel myself blush when I looked back at him, some people laughing next to him. "I forgot to tell you the best part, I finally came out!"  
  
"Nobody wants to hear your gay sex stories, Tomlinson!" Somebody yelled back, but I barely noticed, I was stuck with my mouth dropped open, why'd he tell me that, NOW and LIKE THIS?!  
  
"Shut the fuck up, I know you have a thing for me! See you later, Li!" He remembered my nickname, but WHAT THE HELL?  
  
At least thanks to Louis' little breakout, I wasn't so nervous anymore, I was stuck analyzing this now, there was something, hadn't Louis even been in love with Harry when we had been younger? I think he had even told me, so maybe that's why I always left them alone, well, good for Louis that he had come out, and not good for me because now the only people who came close to friends were probably all over each other. So much about not wanting to be the third wheel anymore.  
  
That day was even worse than I had thought, I didn't have to introduce myself like I had feared, but nobody talked to me either, I think they didn't even notice me. Which was probably better anyway, being invisible was still more bearable than knowing for a fact that people ignored you on pure purpose. Or so.  
  
At lunch, I didn't see Louis or Harry, Zayn was there though, but I made sure to disappear before he saw me, the last thing I needed now was being invited to sit with him and his friends just because his mum would get mad at him if he didn't. Speaking about that, it would've been a good chance to go visit Niall, I literally caught myself wishing he'd just pop up somewhere and babble again without ever taking a breath in between so I wouldn't have to pretend to be doing homework now on my first day. But I did, unfortunately.  
  
\------  
  
I could easily label this week as the most boring I had ever experienced, which was my own fault alright, because I never left the house once except for going to school. On tuesday Louis somehow found me at lunch and forced me to sit with him and Harry, I agreed, because I had no excuse not to besides I was getting lonely and at least it was only the two of them. They touched a lot, but I was included into their conversations, so it was okay I guess, also they said it was fine if I just came up to them whenever I wanted to. Something told me this was just out of pity for me but if I tried hard enough I could ignore that.  
  
On sunday, I decided I needed to stay in bed because I lied to myself and pretended that I was all exhausted from school, that's also what I told my mum so she wouldn't even think of coming to disturb me.  
  
The fact that no one had been too sad about me moving away was also the reason why I thought my heart would jump out as my phone started going off unexpectedly, even stranger was the fact that ZAYN was calling me. Must've taken the wrong number. "Yes?"  
  
"Hi, Liam, umm… listen, this is probably strange, but I need your help." I sat up now since this sounded more serious than I had thought, my cat jumped off my stomach, annoyed with me since she had been lying there for a good hour, also Zayn seemed a lot like he wanted to flick himself off a cliff for needing my help.  
  
"What's up?" Something was in the background, but I couldn't hear well enough to identify it.  
  
"You know, when you stayed at my house last week and watched DVDs with my brother and all that, well, he hasn't shut up about you since then and that's why you're the one I'm calling." It was something with Niall? Wow, I had nearly forgotten last sunday, but now that Zayn had mentioned it, I noticed that I immediately listened up because I somehow cared about Niall.  
  
"Is he okay?" Obviously not.  
  
"No… okay, listen, it's his birthday today, you know, and I was supposed to watch the kids play and stuff because my parents are busy, anyway, none of his friends came and Niall's up in his room crying and I have no idea what to do, because he keeps yelling at me." Aww, shit, no. This broke my heart, he had been so excited about this, he didn't deserve it, what was wrong with his stupid friends, kids could be such assholes, seriously.  
  
"I can… come over and maybe try and calm him down?" Actually I was already searching for my jeans so I wouldn't have to drive over in sweatpants, Zayn's approval of this was not really essential for me right now, if he didn't want me to come over then he could go fuck himself.  
  
"Yeah, that'd be great, please." He sounded so relieved, it got me mad, didn't it make him think that his little brother didn't want to talk to him? I'd b fucking devastated if Niall would treat me like this.  
  
"Okay, see you in a bit." I didn't wait for a reaction but rather hung up right away, finally finding what I had been looking for. My hair was a freaking mess but it's not like I had to impress anyone and anyway, Niall was more important now, if Zayn's attempt to comfort him were as good as I thought then he was currently downstairs watching TV, completely ignoring his little brother.  
  
"Mum, I'll borrow the car, I'll be over at Zayn's." See, the good thing was that if it was for hanging out with Zayn (or pretending to) I could have the car whenever I wanted to, no further explanation needed.  
  
"Alright, tell him I said hi." Mhm.  
  
At least I remembered this way, even if I hated the car so much I had been looking forward to not having to use it the whole weekend, I gladly did it for Niall. Right, Niall, I didn't have a birthday present for him, it wouldn't help calming him down if what Zayn had said was true and he hadn't stopped talking about me all week, maybe he also remembered how he had invited me to his party as well and I hadn't showed up either then. And now I did, but without a present and only after Zayn had called me. Shit.  
  
Due to the fact that I had absolutely no idea where to quickly get him something now, I decided that it was more important to go and see him as fast as possible, if he calmed down then I could still tell him that he should tell me what he wanted and I'd buy it later or so.  
  
Zayn opened me up immediately, that was a first, he really seemed clueless, actually, it was surprising that he even cared at all. "Thanks for coming."  
  
"No problem. Is Niall still in his room?" Probably, I wouldn't wanna come out either if he were him.  
  
"Yeah… I really don't know what to do, mum is gonna kill me when she comes home." Oh, so that was why, he was trying to save himself.  
  
"Why did nobody show up?" It hit me especially because well, I kinda knew how it felt. Only if other than Niall I had not bothered inviting anyone because I had been expecting it all along.  
  
"I don't know… I'm not sure if he even has friends, you know. And maybe he didn't notice it until now. Please try and fix this, okay? I know that he really likes you, maybe it makes him feel better when he sees that you're there." I hadn't thought I could feel even worse, but what Zayn had just sad managed to do that, this was really awful, poor Niall.  
  
"Alright, I'll try my best." Since I knew the way obviously, Zayn let me go by myself, not that I needed him anyway.  
  
I tried to come up with something smart to say but my mind was somehow blank and then I was already at Niall's door, knocking slightly, without planning this. "Niall? It's me, Liam, can I come in?"  
  
"N-No! Go away!" Oh.  
  
There was no lock, probably because things like this had happened before, but I still didn't want to go in just like that if he didn't want me to. "Please? I promise it's gonna be okay, Ni…"  
  
I had used his nickname on purpose, it seemed appropriate, however he didn't react to that, which was still better than being rejected or getting yelled at. That's why I just opened the door up, pulling it close again behind me when I saw that Niall had buried himself again under a mountain of pillows and stuffed animals, maybe that's what he always did when he was sad. Kinda depressing to think about that he had a routine for cases like this one.  
  
"Hey, Niall, don't you wanna look at me for a second?" As I sat down on the edge of his bed, I felt him moving, probably away from me, but I didn't spend much of a thought this time and started searching for Niall beneath all this stuff, which wasn't hard, even if he held onto his blanket tightly then. "I'm sorry about your party, really, but if you talk to me it'll be better, I promise, I'll fix this."  
  
"You cannot fix this…" He sniffed, not strong enough to hide his face under the blanket any longer as I started pulling it back, revealing a very red-faced, crying Niall with his stuffed horse pressed to his chest. Wow, I would've literally done anything right now to see him happy again.  
  
"Niall…" I mumbled, leaning over him so I could easily reach his face with my hand, drying his cheeks slightly, which he didn't mind at all. I know that I had held back last sunday, but today was completely different, Zayn probably hadn't offered cuddles or even comforting words so I decided to cover both those things since I knew that Niall wasn't exactly shy if you spent more than five minutes being nice. "Come here, come on, Ni."  
  
For a second, he hesitated, rubbing his left eye slightly, sniffing before sitting up and climbing into my lap as I held my arms open for him, hugging him to my chest when I felt him snuggling his face into my shirt. He was so cute and small, no idea how Zayn had managed to go fucking downstairs instead of cuddling his little brother to death.  
  
"I'm really sorry, Niall. But look, it's not so bad, I know you've been really excited, but you'll have a lot more birthdays to come and I promise you that we can do anything you want today, I'll buy you anything you want as well." If I could afford it, but I wasn't as worried about this as I was about Niall shaking right now.  
  
"But… my dad promised he'd be home for today but he and mum both aren't here and then… n-nobody from my class came b-because they say I'm w-weird…" Before I got to react, he was sobbing again, louder now, wetting the front of my shirt while holding onto me so tightly, it almost hurt.  
  
"I'm so sorry, you're not weird, Niall, you're really awesome and I like you a lot, okay? I'm sure your mum and dad wanted to be home but maybe something really important happened, I don't know where they are but they regret it terribly for sure, whatever it was, you're more important and I know they'll make it up to you." They better.  
  
"But why did no one want to come, on Zayn's birthday there are always a lot of people…" Right, because according to what I've heard from Louis and Harry last week, he always threw a hell lot of parties and his and Niall's parents basically payed for everything, but try explaining that to a eleven year old.  
  
"You know what? On my last birthday nobody came either. It's not important if a lot of people come or not, okay? It doesn't mean they don't like you, and you're not alone, right? Zayn's here and I'm here too, we really care about you, I promise. And your friends are really dumb for not coming because now you'll be the only one I'll take to get some pizza. If you want to, I mean. And Zayn, if he wants to come too." I wasn't really sure if Zayn cared that much in the end, I also didn't care to be honest, I'd actually preferred it if he stayed home.  
  
Niall kept his face hidden for a bit after that, sniffing until I saw the tissues on his bedside table and handed him a clean one, letting my fingers brush through his hair because it seemed the right thing to do, keeping him close with my free arm because he was still clinging to me. "Really?"  
  
"Yes." No idea what he had referred to with that, but I had meant everything I had said. "So, you want to come eat pizza with me?"  
  
He leaned back a little, his face wasn't as happy as I had hoped, but at least he had stopped crying now and there was the hint of a smile as I rubbed my thumb under his eyes to catch the last tears. "Yeah."  
  
"Okay, we can go whenever you want to. And also wherever, if there's some other place, just let me know." Good thing I had the car and a full tank, the only places I could think of were the movies and the mall, because I still didn't know what present he wanted from me, so I'd just take him there later.  
  
"You wanna see what I got from mum and dad and my grandma before?" Finally, he managed to smile, which made me return it immediately, pretty relieved as I hugged him a little more before answering.  
  
"Of course I do, show me." He laughed a little as I poked his tummy, climbing out of my lap to gather a few things that he had most likely been throwing around before, that's how his room looked at least, as if a bomb had exploded in here.  
  
Niall just dumped all the things next to me on the bed, I made a little more room, thinking he would sit down as well, but he just looked at me, in such a cute and innocent way, I reached out for him again, surprised by how light he was when I lifted him back into my lap, quite enjoying how he adjusted automatically, leaning back against my chest.  
  
"Okay, what is all this stuff, tell me." I really was interested now, besides anything that distracted him just the tiniest bit was good enough now, so I reached out, keeping one arm around Niall's stomach so he wouldn't fall down before grabbing something grey and fluffy. "Is that a cat?"  
  
"No, Liam! That's a donkey, it's a friend for Marshmallow." But he laughed nevertheless, over my stupidness I suppose, well I would've been able to guess right as well, but maybe I had just hoped to cheer him up a little with playing dumb.  
  
"Oh, I see. What's his name? Or hers, sorry." Niall took it out of my hands now, I couldn't see his face but I think he was still smiling.  
  
"I haven't thought of one yet. But look what else I got!" With that he leaned forward, making me tighten my arms, just in case, getting some other stuff, not leaving out one thing or any detail that could maybe be important some day. But probably not.  
  
It made me wonder if Zayn had gotten him something as well, I hoped so but I doubted it, well, I couldn't exactly blame him because I hadn't gotten him anything either, yet.  
  
When we had gone through everything, and it really was a lot of stuff, he was still in my lap, sideways now, so I was able to look at his face once a while, which had remained happy now. "Those are some pretty cool presents, Ni, you're really lucky. No tears anymore today, okay? Promised?"  
  
"Okay, promised." Since he insisted on giving me a pinky promise, I assume that he would keep it, well, if he didn't at least I'd be there to comfort him, but he seemed like his old self again  
  
Before we walked downstairs, Niall thought about cleaning his room up because he said that Zayn might get mad at him, I told him we could ditch it today because it was his birthday, thinking to myself that I would fucking kill Zayn if he said one word now, he had been in the living room watching fucking TV the whole time, even before calling me from what I've heard from Niall.  
  
"You wanna ask your brother if he wants to come too?" You know, I didn't want for him to agree now, but I knew he loved Zayn and it wouldn't be right to exclude him from this just because I was being childish.  
  
"Hmm…" Niall thought about it for a bit, he was jumping down the stairs again, but holding my hand this time so I felt a little better while watching him. "No."  
  
"You sure?" Well, he wouldn't have deserved it anyway, I could imagine that Niall would play mad at him now for not coming to comfort him or getting him a present, but also tomorrow he'd have forgiven him again.  
  
"Yes." It sounded pretty convinced, so I didn't ask any further questions, knowing that I'd still have to tell Zayn where we were going.  
  
As we passed the living room, Niall wanted to just pull me past and to the front door, but I stopped, making it impossible for him to go on since we were still holding hands. "Hey, Zayn, is it okay if I bring Niall back later?"  
  
"Let's gooo." The pull on my arm was barely noticeable, Niall whined a little but gave up quickly when he realized I wouldn't move.  
  
"Oh, Niall, you're out of your room, are you okay again?" Zayn even came over, really surprised at seeing us like this I believe, he smiled at me though after being ignored by his brother. "Thanks, Liam, really. Bring him back whenever, but take a house key because I might not be here to open up."  
  
"Alright, see you later." Probably not, I doubted that he'd stay here if he didn't have to, after what Louis and Harry had told me he was friends with half the school now and being forced to have a sleepover with me had probably been his worst nightmare.  
  
Niall was really excited, he even told me I was putting my shoes on too slowly a few seconds later, about to slip out the door without a jacket when I realized and stopped him. "Hey, hey, wait, it's cold outside."  
  
"I don't want to put on a jacket." Even though he was whining about it for a second, he gave in to me quickly, especially when he saw that I had a jacket on as well then he suddenly didn't mind anymore.  
  
I even found a spare key, because Zayn had disappeared upstairs without showing me where it was, so I had to check because I didn't really trust Niall's 'Just take one of those keys, they're all the same, aren't they' because I wasn't sure if he knew what the purpose of keys was.  
  
"Is this your car?" He seemed pretty impressed already when I told him that I got a driving license, telling me that Zayn had failed his test which nearly made me laugh, but I held back saying that it had been pretty hard.  
  
"No, my mum borrowed me hers, I don't have a car. Wait, do you still need a car seat?" There might have been one in the trunk, I wasn't really keen on being stopped by the police or something like that, or putting Niall in danger.  
  
"No, I'm eleven." It came out a little offended, knowing there was a great chance he was lying.  
  
"Are you sure? It's really dangerous without, you know." I knew it was something with height, he looked pretty small to me but I wasn't gonna measure him now, so I'd have to trust whatever he said.  
  
"I'm sure." Then he sighed, letting go of my hand as I unlocked the car, going for the backseat. "But I gotta sit in the back."  
  
"Why that face? In the back is way more space, be happy, I like sitting in the back more, if I'm not driving that is." That wasn't true, I just didn't want him to get anything near sad or feel anything besides happiness.  
  
"I don't know…" Even if I felt the need to watch him getting inside as well, I let it be, walking over to the driver's side, he wouldn't like it if I constantly checked anymore, he wasn't a baby anymore even if I felt like treating him like one just to be sure everything was alright.  
  
"Okay, any special requests?" I used the chance that I was looking back at him to check if he had his seat belt on properly. "Or is Pizza Hut okay?"  
  
"Yes! I wanna go there, I've never been there but I heard Zayn talking about it." Good, because I didn't know the way to any other places and I wanted to let Niall choose so this was perfect.  
  
"Alright then. Do you want me to turn on the radio or … or you could just tell me how your last week has been." It was actually nice when he talked so that's why I said that, it made me feel calm and needed, besides his need for telling me about everything in his life seemed to be pretty big.  
  
"But nothing really happened. I got the maths homework right where you helped me and everybody was really jealous because I was the only one. And this girl in my class, she brought her cat to school and was sent home but I got to pet it first and it was really cute, I want a cat too but my dad is allergic." Listen to this.  
  
"I got a cat." I don't know why I just blurted out with it, I should've known that it would make Niall all jumpy, which wasn't a good idea now since I was driving and all.  
  
"Really?! What's it called?" Nobody had ever showed this much interest into my cat, it made me laugh a little when I saw Niall in the mirror as I stopped at a red light.  
  
"Loki, like-"  
  
"Like in The Avengers! That is so cool, what does he look like? Can I come some time and see him?" This was so sweet, I knew now what I'd be doing next weekend.  
  
"He's black and white, and yeah sure, you have to meet him, he's really cute and cuddly." Plus, my cat didn't mind people holding him so Niall wouldn't get disappointed, perfect. "Are you allowed to watch The Avengers though?"  
  
"Well…" There was a little bit of silence, I could already guess what he'd say next. "Not all of it, but one time my parents weren't home and Zayn said I could watch it if I wouldn't come into his room when his girlfriend was there. But don't tell my mum and dad, okay?"  
  
"No worries, I've forgotten about it already." Actually not because ugh, what the hell was Zayn even thinking, I really hoped Niall had stayed out of his room for real and saved himself from that sight.  
  
I took the wrong way despite the knowledge I thought I had kept, but Niall found it pretty hilarious, just like nearly everything else I did or said, so it was okay in the end, especially later when Niall was really happy again to hold my hand. No idea why this seemed to be such a great thing, maybe because Zayn didn't let him hold his or something, but I was pretty glad because I could make sure he'd keep a distance from driving cars or wouldn't run off all of a sudden.  
  
Also, I let Niall drink coke, which I partly regretted after he told me that he usually wasn't allowed to do so, but only because it was unhealthy and not because he was allergic or something, I just hoped he wouldn't tell on me. Even though, seeing his face when I also bought him ice cream after the pizza, I was pretty sure he'd do anything I asked him to.  
  
"Okay, what do you wanna do now? You wanna go to the mall and tell me what you want me to buy you for your birthday?" This was my biggest concern, I hadn't bought him anything and it made me feel really shitty to be honest, if his birthday wasn't today I might have piled him in presents just to make sure he liked at least one of them.  
  
"Really? You don't have to buy me a present…" Aww, I would really buy him something now, whether he wanted to or not.  
  
"Why not? I want to, it's your birthday and you even get to pick something yourself." Niall was biting his nails when I turned around in the front seat to catch a look at him, he seemed to be really unsure, or nervous, because I had noticed him biting his nails and fingers a lot.  
  
"But you already bought me something." It was really impressive how held back he was, he was grateful already for what I had done even if it had just been taking him somewhere to eat.  
  
"Yeah, but that was food, I'm talking about a real present. Come on, say yes or I'll get you the wrong thing if you don't tell me what you want." I reached back now, pulling his hand away from his mouth before keeping it in mine for a few seconds, wishing he'd smile back at me. "You know what, we'll just go there, you can still decide then, okay?"  
  
"Hmm, okay. Thank you." This wasn't the first time he thanked me today, he had done it after everything I had bought, multiple times even, so it got me motivated even more to make sure he enjoyed spending time with me on his birthday and that I'd get all those smiles as a reward.  
  
"You're very welcome, Ni." Clearly, he wasn't completely into my idea however his face lit up a little before I turned back again, I hoped that he'd agree later and see that I really didn't mind at all to spend my money on him, what else could I have used it for anyway, let's be honest.  
  
"Nobody calls me this besides you and mum." But it fitted pretty well, it made his name cuter somehow.  
  
"Do you not want me to call you that?" Honestly, I didn't know why he had pointed it out, also I couldn't exactly check what was up because there were other cars on the street as well and so, he hadn't sounded upset at all though.  
  
"No, I like it. You can also come up with more nicknames if you want to." It sounded more like he desperately wanted me to which made me laugh, didn't people usually get mad if you called them some weird names.  
  
"I'll think of something." Something that only I would use then, was that what he been trying to tell me?  
  
The drive was pretty short but Niall found some topics he hadn't talked about yet so he started telling me about how excited he was for Christmas, yeah, I know it was September, I think he knew it too but he didn't seem to mind the wait. Also, I made a mental note to myself to at least remember getting him a present in time then, I usually only gave something to my mum and that was it, it'd be nice to give something to Niall because I knew how much he appreciated everything I did for him, it really made me feel better.  
  
I considered myself lucky that Niall seemed to have gotten over whatever he had had against me buying him a present, at least I thought so when he came over to me after getting out of the car, half jumping, he seemed nearly hyper to be honest, or maybe it was just that he was happy. I hoped so, somehow even the possibility that I might have been the reason for his smile was very satisfying.  
  
"Okay, where do you wanna go to? Anything you want." When I stretched my hand out towards him I didn't even realize it until he had taken it already, just as natural, as if we had been acting like this since always. "Toys 'R' Us?" Which was the only store I could think of right now, and also I hadn't been there in a while, maybe ever since I had been Niall's age.  
  
"Okay." He looked quite happy about my suggestion, besides I had seen his room, so it couldn't be that bad of a choice right, he seemed and behaved quite like a little kid. Well, he was one, but not really.  
  
It was kinda funny to be walking through a mall with Niall, because he got distracted by every little thing, I'm not even exaggerating, we had to stop a second because this woman had a really cute dog, that guys looked scary and anyway why would someone even buy salad at McDonald's and apparently every shop needed some commentary as well.  
  
Somehow I knew the reason now for Zayn's behavior, he was probably deadly annoyed by his brother tugging on his hand and getting excited over the most common things, immediately thinking of something to say about it. On the other hand, I couldn't understand Zayn at all, it made me feel quite bad to be honest, the thought of nobody ever having so much time for Niall like I had, which was probably part of the reason why he was so hyper now. I didn't get it, if he were my little brother, I'd do anything to keep this smile on his face, it was a nice feeling, making someone so happy by simply being there, no one else would've appreciated me so much in ripped jeans and hair as if I had just gotten out of bed. I sort of had, actually.  
  
When we finally reached the place we had been headed towards, Niall's eyes sparkled a little and I decided that my idea had not been bad at all. "So, you can pick whatever you want as long as I can afford it." Not that I thought he'd go crazy, it had been more of a joke actually, but thinking about it, I suddenly didn't mind the price anymore.  
  
"Hmm…" For a little bit, he seemed to think hard before suddenly looking up to me. "Can I show you what Zayn said he'd get me?"  
  
"Umm, yeah, of course." What? So, he had not only left him alone in his room but also promised a present he had never bought, wow. "Why did he say he would get it for you but didn't?"  
  
"Because I didn't tell him what at first so he said he'd see if he had time but then I told him what it is and he said no." Before I got ask anything else, I nearly fell over some girl because Niall just pulled me along by my hand, obviously much smaller than me and easily slipping through people while I had to apologize about five times about bumping into them before we finally got to where Niall wanted to be. Stuffed animals, just like I had thought.  
  
"Okay, so which one was it?" Fucking Zayn, couldn't even buy a stuffed animal. "And why did your brother say no?"  
  
"Because…" Niall explained, looking around a bit. "He said it's too girly."  
  
"That's bullsh- umm… not nice to say." Right, I couldn't swear in front of him, I was kinda worried now as I checked whether he had heard me but it seemed he was busy with pointing to something else.  
  
To be honest I wasn't the smallest bit surprised that Niall had wanted Zayn to get him a stuffed unicorn, Niall was too small to reach up, but the look on his face made it kinda obvious that we wouldn't find anything else in this store he wanted.  
  
"Well, if Zayn didn't get you one, I will. Which color?" There were a few colors however the fact that they all had sparkly horns probably had been one of the reasons for Zayn to say no, even if that's not a reason to be honest, because I found it cute as well, I would've also bought Niall dolls.  
  
"Umm… it's okay… I'll find something else…" He seemed pretty embarrassed all of a sudden, not looking at me, which bothered me, because why would he be embarrassed or say no.  
  
"Why not, Ni? It's fine." I let go of his hand gently to rub his shoulder instead, hoping he'd stop staring at the floor, but no.  
  
"M-Maybe it really is too girly…" Well, I wasn't having any of this now.  
  
"Come here." Without further do, I just stepped behind him, lifting him up without any problem at all, high enough so he could reach the unicorns by himself, steadying him with an arm around his stomach even if he really was extremely light. "Pick one."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Come on, Ni." Slowly, he reached out, getting the blue one, because that was his favorite color, see, I had been listening.  
  
As I let Niall down again, he still seemed unsure, so that's why I decided that it was best to make him laugh.  
  
"Okay, good, now that I know what I'll buy for myself, what do you want as a present?" I simply took the stuffie out of his hands, being met by a very confused face that quickly turned a lot happier.  
  
"Liam! That's not funny!" Maybe he was a little too loud, some woman shook her head at me but I didn't care as long as I got to hear Niall laughing, half confused by what I had said.  
  
"So, you want nothing then? Okay, I'l just quickly pay for this then we can leave." His mouth nearly dropped open, but as I walked backwards slowly, grinning at him he caught on, quickly catching up while giggling as he understood that I was just kidding.  
  
"Stop, Liiaaammm!" It was really cute to watch him struggling with his attempts to get  the stuffed unicorn back, jumping up a bit as I held it higher, impossible for him to reach. "Pleeasee?"  
  
"Okay, if you promise me something." Niall stopped immediately, getting more serious just like me and waiting for what I had to say. "No matter what Zayn says, you can like whatever you want, okay? And it doesn't matter if anyone thinks if it's girly or not as long as you like it. Promise me you'll remember that?"  
  
"Yeah, I promise." Good, I felt a little weird after saying all this stuff, but I just wanted to make sure that he wouldn't be down or anything, it shouldn't have been my job to tell him things like that actually, but I didn't really mind.  
  
"Alright, here you go. You can still have something else as well, you know." Who knows what other stuff he thought he wasn't allowed to have even if watching him now all happy with his unicorn made it hard to believe so.  
  
"No, I don't want anything else, thank you." He was beaming and it made it very hard not to smile because damn, I loved seeing him like this.  
  
"Happy?" Since it had become like a thing, I wasn't surprised when he slipped his free hand in mine again, half jumping up and down while we were walking.  
  
"Yes!" I don't think that anything could've torn me down in this moment.  
  
Just because it wasn't really late, I decided that I didn't want to drop Niall off just yet, this wouldn't have been a good birthday then but I wanted it to be.  
  
That's why I suggested we could go watch a movie which made Niall's eyes go wide, telling me that he hadn't been there in over a year, making it pretty easy for me to decide that we would go even if I wasn't really into the movies appropriate for his age but whatever.  
  
He liked popcorn, a lot, probably more than the movie itself, which was completely fine, as long as he was smiling, it was alright.  
  
So when we walked back to the car, it was getting dark because I had only gotten to Niall's house at like three pm so now it was like seven, but I wouldn't have needed to look at the clock on my phone to know that it was late, Niall was living proof for that.  
  
"Are you sleepy?" Sleepy probably was the wrong word, he looked like he would stumble over and take a nap on the ground, the only thing holding him up was my hand that I tightened as I noticed his condition.  
  
"Mhmm…" That was probably a yes.  
  
"I can carry you. Should I?" It wasn't that long of a way, but anyway, I wouldn't mind doing it.  
  
"Okay…" Niall just stopped walking, letting go of my hand to rub his eyes a little, not flinching the slightest bit as I just lifted him up, placing him on my hip like a toddler, but it worked pretty well because he was so small and light.  
  
"Sleep, it's fine, I got you." I kinda got really motherly feelings for him while holding him like this, he was all warm and cuddly, yawning quietly before just dropping his head on my shoulder, holding onto the back of my shirt slightly with one hand, trusting me completely.  
  
There was nothing else to say, the warmth spreading in my stomach probably came from Niall warming up my side, even if maybe, just maybe, I really and truly started to care for him, my life didn't involve many people, especially none who seemed to need me this much, it was just nice and I liked Niall as well.  
  
He slept in before I even reached my car, not waking up as I placed him in the backseat, trying to be careful and not accidentally choke him while putting his seatbelt on, placing the stuffed unicorn in his lap, just because. I had told him it would be better not to take it to the movies since I had been scared he'd drop it or spill something on it and be upset about it, even if Niall had had worries it would get too lonely in the car, he agreed with me after a bit of whining. Somehow I had a feeling he'd agree with everything I said.  
  
The drive back to his house seemed unusually quiet now after having Niall babbling on and on for so many hours, but I was glad as well that he could sleep, when I checked on him quickly as I had to stop the car, he seemed peaceful, his fingers half in his mouth again, face nuzzled in his stuffie. Yeah, I admit it, that was pretty cute.  
  
When we arrived, I didn't hesitate but open up the door in the back, about to unbuckle Niall's seatbelt when he started stirring.  
  
"Are we home yet?" His words were really hard to understand, but I think I got it.  
  
"Yeah, you can sleep on, I'll carry you inside, okay?" There was light in a few windows so I assumed that either his parents or Zayn were home, which meant I wouldn't have to wait for them. Not that I would've minded.  
  
Niall just sighed sleepily, adjusting automatically when I picked him up and pushed the door closed with my elbow so I wouldn't let him drop. I wasn't sure if I really minded what anyone would say at me carrying him like this, Zayn especially, but it's not like he could've disliked me any more than he already did so I just rang the doorbell, rubbing Niall's back a bit because he mumbled something like "I'm cold" into my shoulder.  
  
"Liam-… oh." Niall's mum quickly changed from being happy to seeing me to very surprised, but the smile didn't leave her face so I hoped that she agreed with me taking Niall somewhere.  
  
"I hope Zayn told you that I-"  
  
"Yeah, of course he did, no worries, love. You want me to take him?" Since Niall had probably dozed off again, I nodded, trying my best not to wake him while handing him over, even if his mum had more trouble holding him than me.  
  
"I better go now… oh right here, Zayn gave me a house key, here. And that's Niall's." I had nearly forgotten that I was still holding Niall's unicorn, so I handed it over with the key, relieved because there would've probably been tears later.  
  
"Did you buy him that?" Right, I didn't know if she approved, so I tried nodding carefully, about to turn and go back to the car. "Thanks, Liam, really, you didn't have to do that, but I'm really glad you did. He likes you a lot, you know, even more now probably."  
  
"It was no problem at all, anytime, really. I just wanted him to have a good birthday." Which was risky to say I realized, but only after it was out, I was basically judging her for not being there which was none of my business at all.  
  
Luckily she took it easy. "I'm sure he did, Liam."  
  
"Alright I… better go now." It was pretty awkward like, I just waved quickly after throwing a last look at Niall's face, he was still tightly asleep, trying to smile back even if I probably failed dramatically at it.  
  
Even if everyone would probably think now that I had done it because I had felt forced to, I was suddenly very sure that I'd be babysitting Niall again pretty soon and I didn't mind one single bit.  
  
When I got home, there was another car in front of our house which made me think for a second before I decided that it was probably just one of my mum's friends or so, nothing I couldn't ignore with some good excuse about homework.  
  
Turned out I was right, however not completely somehow because what the hell was Harry doing in my fucking living room?!  
  
"Umm… hi, mum and-"  
  
"Liam, do you remember Anne and Harry?" Right, my mum was friends with everyone from my old school, another reason why we had exactly moved here and not any other place in the world that I would've preferred.  
  
"Yeah sure…hi." Why would Harry come here though sure, we hung out during lunch time and sometimes after Louis yelled inappropriate things at me in the hallways to grab my attention he always had Harry by his side.  
  
"You go to the same school, don't you? That's perfect, you can go upstairs with him, Harry." What a great idea.  
  
It's not that I didn't want Harry to follow me as I went for the stairs with yet another forced smile, I just didn't expect him to follow me because nobody really wanted to come to my house, but he did, surprisingly. "Where the hell have you been?!"  
  
"Umm… I was babysitting?" Sounded appropriate enough, it was true as well, somehow, besides I was too shocked to hear Harry hiss at me like that, as if we had been planning that he would come over or so, as if it was my fault.  
  
"I had to sit for two hours with your mum and mine and trust me it was no fun, even your cat got bored and went outside." Well…  
  
"Then probably… you shouldn't have come along?" I didn't want to sound rude but I think he was smart enough to know that visiting your mum's friends was nothing you wanted to do on a sunday, I could write a book on that, or ten.  
  
"I thought you were home, I… I wanted to talk to you." Now I listened up, because Harry blushed slightly, looking away from me, pretending to look around in my room as we reached it even if there was nothing to look at.  
  
"Okay, well… you could've told me tomorrow at lunch then you wouldn't have to-"  
  
"Without Louis. I gotta talk to you without Louis. Yeah. That's why." Now THAT made me uncomfortable.  
  
"Why…?" Louis was his best friend, obviously, I didn't wanna get in their friendship, hell, I was just lucky they treated me like their friend at all.  
  
"Okay… listen, I… I wouldn't be doing this but… there's nobody else I trust enough with this." He just let himself drop on my bed, as if it was natural, completely acting like this was his house and not mine.  
  
"And you trust ME?" We had known each other for one year with a four year break in between, I don't know, I wasn't even sure if I would trust Harry if he said he would let me copy his homework.  
  
"Well, I can't tell Louis and I thought that… you know, you don't seem like… like you would go off and tell somebody…" Right, because WHO would I tell, that was the point here, he didn't have to worry whether I kept the secret or not.  
  
"Fine, what is it?" I sighed, giving in because he seemed pretty eager to tell me so I sat down on the bed as well, with a lot of distance though, hoping that this was nothing too freaky, I wasn't good with advise.  
  
"Alright… I-I… I hoped you can help me because… because I think I'm in love with Louis." He just blurted it out after stuttering, looking straight at me, as if he couldn't believe he had just told me that.  
  
And I couldn't believe it either, because, hadn't that been kinda obvious. "Well then… why don't you tell him?"  
  
"TELL HIM?! Tell him? Liam, I can't tell him!" Okay…  
  
"He's openly gay, Harry, he's been screaming it around in the hallways for the past week." I really couldn't see the problem here, Louis obviously had a thing for Harry as well, couldn't he see that?  
  
"So what? If you like a girl and you know she's straight do you just go and tell her?" That was a point however completely different.  
  
"No, but Louis is not just anybody, you've been best friends since I can remember and you're always all over each other, I actually thought you've been hooking up anyways." Everyone thought that, I had heard so many comments yelled at them it wasn't even funny anymore, but they didn't seem to mind.  
  
"We have, once at-"  
  
"Wait, wait, that's not what we're talking about." God, please, not so many details. "So why can't you tell him?"  
  
"Because what if he doesn't like me back? Can't you try and find out if he does? Please, Liam? I don't wanna look like a complete idiot." Harry was pleading me now, he seemed pretty desperate as he begged, making me scoot back a little because he was coming so close, I didn't want him in my lap.  
  
"If I get the chance to. Why would he tell me something like that though, we hardly know each other." Here we had it again, I also didn't know Harry but he was here in my bed spilling his heart out.  
  
"He's really confident, he wouldn't mind telling you. Well, he has every reason to be confident as well because one time he slept over at my place and forgot to lock the bathroom and-"  
  
"Okay, yeah, you like him a lot, I know. I'll see what I can do, okay?" God, why ME? I literally had no experience with stuff like this, I hadn't even had a girlfriend or boyfriend myself. Shouldn't surprise anyone.  
  
"Thanks, Liam, really. I owe you." He was smiling brightly now, luckily keeping more distance but making no intend to get up or something, actually I didn't even know where he would go, it was just weird somehow. "So… why did you lie to me?"  
  
"I- what?" Now I was the one surprised, Harry giggled a little, was he going insane, we hadn't even talked enough for me to tell him a lie.  
  
"Your mum told us that you're over at Zayn's before, so unless you're not babysitting him then you lied to me before. Is it because you and him have a thing going and you don't want me to know, I wouldn't judg-"  
  
"No! What the hell, Harry? I told you we're not close anymore, I was over there because his little brother, Niall, turned eleven today." And then we hung out all day long because obviously I had no friends.  
  
"I didn't know he had a brother, hm…" It made him think for a second while I was still too shocked to speak another word, who the hell would think me and Zayn had a thing going on that was absolutely insane to even imagine. "So, does that mean you're not going to Zayn's party on friday?"  
  
"I… why would I go there, I'm not even invited." But another question, where would Niall be at that time? And were is parents away, AGAIN?  
  
"You don't need an invitation for Zayn's parties, Liam. Me and Louis haven't talked to him in forever and we still go sometimes and so do a lot of other people, he doesn't care. So, you're coming too, right?" Why was he so eager for me to come now, only because I had agreed to help him?  
  
"I-I'm not sure, parties are not really my thing." And also I didn't feel like hanging out with my whole school on a friday.  
  
"I know, that's why I asked. Trust me, I know you don't like going around talking to people but there are some cool guys. And girls as well, I'll introduce you okay?" This was a bad idea, a really, really bad idea.  
  
Harry insisted on it, even if I told him no, twelve times to be exact, but he started texting Louis after a while to tell him that I would come as well and when Harry's mum called from downstairs that they had to leave, he also made us exchange phone numbers to which I had no argument.  
  
\------  
  
The following week wasn't as bad as the last, even if Harry gave my number to Louis and they suddenly started texting me outside of school, but at least it looked like I had friends this way.  
  
Also, Harry was in fact so grateful that he once hugged me which made Louis fake a coughing attack so we'd pull apart, making me wonder why Harry even needed a confirmation that Louis liked him. I never got the chance to ask him, and I also didn't really want to, I had no idea where to start anyway.  
  
Niall came over once, with his mum, he was a little upset because I hadn't said goodbye to him on sunday even if he had been asleep, but it was all forgotten when I took him to my room and let him pet my cat for as long as he wanted to and let him tell me anything he felt like. Later, when they were gone, my mum told me that Niall had been whining around at home because he had wanted to hang out with me again, which was actually so cute, it made my heart swell, and I quickly suggested I could babysit him more often if he wanted to.  
  
So on friday, I was really hoping that Harry and Louis had forgotten about making it their mission to force me to a party however I was disappointed when it was our only topic at lunch, and that they wouldn't mind picking me up which I denied because I didn't plan on staying any longer than it would take for them to forget about me so I could leave. Even if I made them promise me they'd wait for me to go in which caused them to share a smile, nothing unusual though, they definitely HAD a thing for each other.  
  
After parking as far away as possible, just in case someone drunk would think that it was a good idea to break my windows, I got a text from Harry even if I would see him as soon as I walked around the corner, telling me that he'd 'disappear' one time at the party and that I should use the chance to take to Louis. Ugh, I ignored it.  
  
"Hey, Li, there you are, we thought you'd pull out man, where've you been?" Contemplating whether I should kill myself instead of getting out of my car.  
  
"There was traffic. Besides, I'm here now." Yeah and I regretted it already, the house was all too familiar and I could hear music that I didn't like.  
  
"Don't pull such a face, I was planning on hooking you up tonight." Louis winked at me, throwing his arm around my shoulders to shove me towards the door, but I didn't fail to notice the way he slightly pulled Harry along by his jacket, as if to tell him that he hadn't forgotten about him.  
  
"With who?" Who'd be willing to do that, had he paid someone? Not that I cared.  
  
"Anyone you want." They laughed and I joined even if I had no idea why, I was just really uncomfortable and nervous as well so I was glad that the door was just open with about a hundred people inside.  
  
Louis and Harry turned out to be fucking liars, not literally, but it was weird now, they seemed to know everyone, why would they still hang out by themselves all the time or even worse, with me?  
  
I didn't ask that though, I was just glad when they didn't make me talk to their friends which turned out to be quite a common thing because they just pulled me along everywhere they went and started introducing me, which was really, really weird. God, I hoped Zayn wouldn't see me now. At his house. This had been a dumb idea, my worst yet.  
  
"Hey, I'll be right back, okay?" We were currently sitting on the stairs, with a few of their friends, who didn't pay as much attention to me and Louis when Harry suddenly got up.  
  
"Where are you going?" Unlike me, I was horrified, Louis seemed worried, really, there was no need for me to have a fucking talk with him!  
  
"Just the toilet, I'll be right back." He gave me this intense look before leaving, something that should probably tell me he'd chop my head off if I didn't finally keep my promise.  
  
"Hey, Louis, I-"  
  
"Look, that girl over there. That's Danielle, she said you're cute, we should go over and-"  
  
"Why are you so desperate to hook me up with someone?" Even if I laughed, Louis pulled a face at that before sighing, making me really insecure.  
  
"I don't know. You seem lonely, don't take it personally." Wow.  
  
"I'm not lonely, why do you want me to have a girlfriend? You wanna get rid of me?" It was a joke, simple as that, even if sometimes I wondered if he regretted making me sit with them.  
  
"No, of course not, you're our friend, Liam. I was just thinking, you know, trying to help, that's all, I promise." This was not the kind of conversation I liked having, however it was the right topic.  
  
"I'm fine, thank you. But if you need any help with some guys, you know." I couldn't just say Harry's name, could I?  
  
"What? I don't need help from the new kid, thanks." He laughed, so I wouldn't take it the wrong way, but I felt his eyes on me as I looked away, accidentally making eye contact with the girl he had mentioned.  
  
"So, you got it all figured out?" Now Louis was the one not wanting to meet my eyes, I stared at his profile, not sure what to think of him sighing almost inaudible.  
  
"No… no, I don't." If he wasn't thinking about Harry now then I would jump off the roof top because I couldn't deal with having to dry tears that didn't belong to eleven year olds.  
  
"Hm. And I thought the way you and Harry are all over each other meant that-"  
  
"Wait, wait. You thought that me and Harry have something going on?!" The good thing was he wasn't mad, the bad was I had no idea which other way to take his surprised face.  
  
"Well, you're pretty close." I tried carefully, watching Louis' expression very closely, no idea why I was even doing this, I should've just shut up and told Harry to grow some balls.  
  
"Do you think we act like we're together?" Unfortunately not enough.  
  
"I don't know… you do touch a lot. Why? Are you crushing on him?" PLEASE.  
  
"What kind of a question is that?!" Right, because who the hell would even ask this if they could read it right in Louis' nervous face and his fingers twisting together while he let a laugh escape that didn't sound very much like a 'no' to me.  
  
"I just wondered, sorry." Not.  
  
"It's fine, sorry for getting loud. There's nothing going on, but I… well, he's not really into boys anyway so…" Definitely a crush, a very hopeless as well.  
  
"I wouldn't be so sure about that…" That's what I mumbled, more to myself, but Louis never heard me because he was looking at something else, behind us which was weird because obviously nobody was allowed to go upstairs.  
  
"Who's that?" Louis seemed more than confused, I decided to turn around as well and check, my eyes nearly falling out.  
  
"Shit, oh god." What the hell was wrong with Zayn, I had thought that since his parents weren't there and there was a freaking party going on, Niall wouldn't be here either, this was crossing lines. "Niall, come here."  
  
He looked very sleepy, rubbing his eyes while standing on top of the stairs, but a little scared as well, that was until he saw me stretching my arms out towards him then he tried to hurry up coming down to us, nearly falling over as I pulled him into my lap.  
  
"What are you doing here, Ni? I thought you're with your mum and dad." Thank god I had been here, I didn't wanna know what would happen if he just went downstairs and saw all those strangers who were probably drunk as well.  
  
"No, they're out and Zayn said if I stay in my room then he would play Wii with me tomorrow, but it's loud." I felt so bad for him, I hugged him really close to my chest, feeling him snuggle up against me.  
  
"Liam?" Right, Louis. His face was more than confused which seemed kinda appropriate.  
  
"Louis, that's Niall, Zayn's brother. You wanna say hi, Ni?" Not sure if I was the only one he got used to so easily, it seemed like it, because he buried his face in my neck instead of looking at Louis.  
  
"Hi…" Well, that was a beginning, at least Louis smiled slightly, even if he was still very confused.  
  
"Hi, Niall. Are you okay?" Kind of a weird question while seeing him like this.  
  
"No… I'm tired, Liam. And thirsty." He directed it at me instead of keeping on talking with Louis, it made me feel better because well, Louis had done nothing to be liked by Niall, it was only fair.  
  
"Should we go get something to drink and then I'll bring you back to bed? Okay?" It was really late already, for Niall at least, considering he had fallen asleep at seven pm last sunday and now it was like eleven.  
  
"Okay…" I didn't want him to get out of my lap because I was pretty paranoid about something happening to him but he kinda had to in order for me stand up. His hair was all messy and he was wearing his pokemon pajamas again that made him look like he was five years old, immediately making me more protective.  
  
"I guess I… I'll see you later?" Louis was smirking at me, I could've guessed why before as well but it was obvious when he watched Niall reaching out for my hand, half hiding behind me.  
  
"You can also come, if you want to." I was just trying to be nice.  
  
"No, it's fine, I'll wait for Harry." Oh right, I had to text him so he'd be able to come back.  
  
"Alright." It was actually not a bad thing that Niall was here now, I was glad, really, I hated the fact that he had to be here while Zayn was throwing a party that kept him awake but at the same time I was happy I got to take care of him now instead of having to socialize.  
  
After making a few steps, I realized this was not going to work, people would probably even fall over Niall because he was so small, so I quickly let go of him, picking him up instead. "This is better, right?"  
  
"Yeah…" Niall seemed quite happy, he put his head on my shoulder again, turning more into me, he was probably scared of everyone here, something I understood too well. "I don't like so many people, Liam."  
  
"It's okay, Ni, I'm here, I'll watch out for you, alright? You're fine." My words didn't seem to calm him too much, even if my voice sounded strangely soft, it turned like that automatically whenever I talked to Niall.  
  
We got a few stares, of course, some girls made comments like 'Aww, who's that', but I focused on Niall instead, rubbing his back a little, trying to shush him quietly and even kissing his head once because it seemed appropriate. Also, I texted Harry quickly, just telling him that Louis was waiting for him and that I'd talk to him later because I didn't feel like it now obviously.  
  
When we reached the kitchen, there was luckily nobody in there, it would've been weird and I didn't like people watching me from behind. So I placed Niall on the counter carefully, standing in front of him because he grabbed my shirt, almost in panic that I'd leave. "Hey, I'm here, okay? You wanna drink something now?" There was only a tiny nod, he was clearly horrified. "What do you want, Ni?"  
  
"Can I have…" He got interrupted by having a hiccup, which was so freaking adorable plus the way he was rubbing his eye sleepily, I brought my hand up, stroking his hair slightly. "Hot chocolate?"  
  
"Yeah, of course, tell me where the stuff is, I'll make you some, okay?" I had no idea if he was allowed to drink stuff like this at night but then again, why the hell not and also I would've given him anything he wanted right now, he was so sleepy and scared and sweet.  
  
Niall was really anxious about me going away like, two steps, to get the stuff for his hot chocolate, good thing he was nearly sitting next to the microwave because I wasn't sure if he would've survived me going there twice. I hated Zayn for doing this to him, he clearly didn't like strangers, well, a lot of them at once, which was completely natural, they made me nervous as well, to be honest. But I was just weird anyway. "Liam…"  
  
"Hm?" His hand was holding onto my shirt again while I freed his forehead from his hair almost falling into his eyes, worried because he was just whispering.  
  
"Can I sit with you?" Aww, I couldn't believe he actually asked me this, I didn't know if I would've even survived if he sat by himself.  
  
"Of course, we'll just wait until this is done, okay?" Either he was really sleepy or just wanted to cuddle, I wasn't really sure but he nodded, leaning his head against my chest so I moved my hand, caressing his back instead while we were waiting.  
  
It was pretty annoying like, as soon as Niall's hot chocolate was done and I had put him on the floor again, a few people walked in and Niall nearly freaked out even though they completely ignored us, they just got something out of the fridge, alcohol probably, before most of them left again, besides three girls or so, they seemed a bit tipsy.  
  
"You're Liam, right?" Alright, Louis sent them.  
  
"Yeah…" I wasn't really in the mood for talking besides I had Niall with me and he was clinging to me, immediately waiting for me to pull him into my lap as soon as I sat down, so I did, making all of the girls coo at him snuggling his face into my shirt. Which I understood, because damn.  
  
"That's Zayn's brother, isn't it? What's your name sweetie?" You could literally see them falling in love with Niall as I gave him the mug, with the straw he had requested, keeping my hand near it because I didn't trust his sleepiness.  
  
"Niall…" He mumbled before turning his head away, drinking instead, with his head on my shoulder.  
  
"Aww, he's so cute, are you taking care of him? Why's he even here, shouldn't he be asleep? Oh god, I wanna snuggle him, look at him." It went on like this, the whole time, they even sat down and it bothered Niall a lot, I could tell because he moved the whole time, so I tried to be comforting, holding him close since he clearly didn't like those girls. I didn't either but I agreed with them.  
  
As soon as Niall was done, I saw my chance to get away from here. "You wanna go to bed now?"  
  
"Mhm." He was really shy now, not even wanting to talk, I wondered why, he hadn't been shy when he had met me again after all this years, at least not after the first few minutes.  
  
"Okay, gonna put you down for one second." I warned him, because he was all snuggled up in my lap and I wouldn't have been surprised if he started crying.  
  
"Are you gonna bring him to bed now, Liam? I hope you sleep really good, Niall." Yeah, about that, it was actually nice but they were drunk as well so.  
  
"Yeah, bye." No idea what else to say, I just quickly got to my feet and picked Niall up again because he was tugging on my shirt with a really desperate look on his face.  
  
"I don't like Zayn's friends…" Niall whispered as soon as we were out of the kitchen, he wouldn't have had to talk so quietly actually because there were so many people talking and it was so loud in general.  
  
"What about me?" I was just joking, I wasn't even Zayn's friend after all, maybe I just wanted to hear that he liked me.  
  
"You're MY friend." That sounded pretty possessive but I didn't care because it was the truth.  
  
"Yeah, you're my friend too, Ni." It would've been mean to not so say it back, he seemed pretty satisfied with my answer, cuddling back in my shoulder again, maybe even closing his eyes because I think he got a little heavier.  
  
The stairs were empty now, I was glad somehow, I hoped that Harry had gotten a little drunk to get more courage and told Louis everything so I wouldn't have to try and get them together anymore, I was really bad at this stuff, my only talent was being there for Niall apparently.  
  
Which brought me back to the point, I wasn't so sure anymore if he had really woken up due to the noise, because as I closed his bedroom door behind me, I couldn't really hear that much anymore.  
  
Niall didn't make any attempts that he wanted me to put him down so I carried him over to his bed, checking his face to see his eyes half closed, pretty comfortable holding onto me however he also didn't really complain as I carefully put him down in his already messed up bed. The cute thing was that I noticed how he only slept with his stuffed horse and the unicorn that I had bought him, it made me smile because well, he had like a hundred stuffed animals.  
  
"Li…" No idea if he was just too tired to finish my name or if he was just picking up on that nickname as well but I liked it.  
  
"Yes?" He let me tug him, not letting me stand up from the edge of his bed though and holding my hand with both of his.  
  
"Are you gonna go downstairs again?" Right, I hadn't thought about this yet.  
  
"No until you're asleep, alright?" Somehow I had a feeling that he'd just follow me in case I'd just go, not that I would've dared leaving him alone while he was still awake.  
  
"But I don't wanna be alone. I had a nightmare before, I'm scared." His face looked like he was telling the truth, but I had no idea if he was just trying to make me stay with this story.  
  
"There's nothing in your room, you don't have to be sca-"  
  
"Nooo, please stay here, Liam. Please?" It was hard to say no when he made this face, I didn't know why I hesitated, maybe because Harry and Louis were probably downstairs thinking I'd come back again or because I had planned on driving home again as soon as possible. But I couldn't leave Niall alone.  
  
"Alright, I'll stay for a while." At least for as long as it would take him to fall asleep, and a little longer after that to make sure he wouldn't wake up anymore and notice my absence.  
  
Niall had other plans, he sat up again, moving to the wall. "You have to lie down as well."  
  
"I… alright." There was no use in fighting him on that so I got into his bed , half sitting up, half lying so he'd be satisfied.  
  
"Promise you won't leave?" He was trying to nail me down to it, I wasn't really sure if I could have lived on with myself if I made him sad anyway so I sighed, nodding slowly.  
  
"Fine, I promise." No idea why I did it, mostly because I wanted Niall to smile and be safe, partly also because tonight had made it clear again that parties were definitely not my thing. "But you have to lie down again."  
  
"Okay." Niall was really happy now, he snuggled up against my side unsurprisingly, putting the blanket over me as well which was really sweet so I gave in and put my arm around his shoulders. "No one's ever slept over in my room."  
  
"Why?" I shouldn't have asked this, even though the situation we were in right now could probably excuse that.  
  
"I don't know… my friends are sometimes really mean and they always meet up without me and they never want to visit me." Ouch. That sounded a lot like my whole childhood.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ni. That's not nice of them, but in a few years you'll be in high school and you'll see that school's not gonna last forever and you'll meet people who are real friends. I never had many friends at all either, two at maximum." Harry and Louis, who I had just ditched so maybe I'd have to start at zero again.  
  
"But you're always gonna be my friend, right? Promise?" I don't know why but Niall somehow had the ability to make me feel like complete shit with whatever he said because I knew he wasn't trying to get anything out of it or saying something out of purpose, he truly meant it.  
  
"Yeah, promise. Go to sleep now." The reason why I cut the conversation off like that was because it wasn't good if Niall relied on me so much, sure, I'd do anything for him by now but it would be recommendable if he had friends his age and not just me. Even if it warmed my heart a little, but still, in a year or so, we wouldn't be like this anymore anyway.  
  
"Okay, goodnight, Li." His voice was happy as he cuddled tighter into me, probably almost asleep as I patted his hair a little.  
  
"Night, babe…"  
  
\------  
  
I woke up to someone poking my cheek and giggling right into my face, it wasn't really hard to guess who that was even if I somehow got confused about where I was for a second, but the options weren't very wide.  
  
"Wake up, Liammm, it's already nine." ALREADY?!  
  
"Sh, Ni, I'm sleeping…" It was pretty uncomfortable as well since I was wearing jeans and the bed was pretty small and if I wasn't mistaken something that felt a lot like a unicorn horn was stabbing me in the back.  
  
"Nooo, wake up!" Niall was laughing, he was falling half over me, or maybe it had been on purpose, anyway I grabbed hold of his hips which made him squeal a little and pulled him down next to me again, hoping he'd keep quiet. "Liam. Liam. Liam."  
  
Well, I had been wrong. I groaned while turning onto my back, blinking a little to see Niall leaning over me with a wide grin, he looked like he could run a marathon right now and I wanted to die. "Why are you awake?"  
  
"I always get up at eight or nine." Right, oh god. "And I'm hungry."  
  
"If you let me sleep for ten more minutes we can go eat breakfast…" That was my plan, that he disagreed with because as soon as I let my eyes drop shut for one second, Niall was leaning on my stomach in a way that nearly made me throw up, if he continued to jump around on me like that none of us would be able to eat anything for a while.  
  
"But I want you to get up NOW." As if to help Niall, my phone went off a second after he had finished, he was now nearly sitting on top of me to top it off.  
  
"Damn it…" Somehow I managed to reach past Niall to get my phone out of my pocket, not delighted at all to see Harry's name now. "What, Harry? It's nine in the morning."  
  
"Wow, what happened last night, why are you so pissed off?" He laughed and I sighed, sitting up so now Niall slipped into my lap which he seemed to enjoy because he giggled. "And who's that in the background, oh my god, you-"  
  
"That's Niall. So, what do you want?" It was hard, concentrating on a conversation on the phone while you had a child not wanting to sit still and nearly tugging your free hand off.  
  
"Why are you with Niall?" If he would've just gotten to the damn point.  
  
"I slept in after bringing him to bed so why are you calling me? Ni, please, I'll be done in one second." I added because Niall was pouting now, obviously wanting all my attention to himself.  
  
"I wanted to ask what Louis told you yesterday since you didn't tell me and just disappeared." I should've known it had been a bad idea to just not come back but Niall had kinda needed me more than them so I didn't regret it.  
  
"Look, I asked him if he had an eye on some boy and he acted weird so I said I thought you and him are hooking up and he was pretty surprised. And then he said that he doesn't think it would ever happen because you're not into boys anyway, that's all we-"  
  
"WHAT?! I fucking showed him this porn side with gay-"  
  
"Harry, I have a child in my lap." Wrong answer.  
  
"Don't talk about me like that!" Oh god.  
  
"Niall, I'm sorry, please calm down." He was trying to get away from him now but I couldn't stand it if he was mad at me or even pretended to so I held him tighter with my arm around his stomach, making him squirm. "Harry, I have to hang up now, just act a little more gay and you're fine."  
  
"How can he think I'm not into boys?!" Harry whined while Niall got more impatient by the second, but he was too weak to escape my grip so he started whining.  
  
"Liam, I'm still hungry, who are you talking to, why did you talk about me?!"  
  
And on the other end.  
  
"That's fucking ridiculous, can't you just tell him that you think I'm the gayest kid you've ever met and that we would be the best couple?"  
  
"Fine, I'll tell him anything you want but I have to hang up now, I'm sorry." By this time I would've promised anything, I cut Harry off in the middle of another thing that would most likely haunt me until tomorrow before bringing my attention back to Niall. "Sorry, that was a friend of mine. Do you remember Louis from yesterday? That was his best friend, Harry. Now, do you still want breakfast?"  
  
"Why did he call?" I had to pay the price now for not getting up earlier, didn't I.  
  
"Because…" He obeyed when I put him onto the floor so I could get up again, not letting go of me though, but about to tear my shirt. "Because he's in love and he needs my advice."  
  
"Oh." Was all Niall said, at least not asking any further questions so I didn't comment it and hoped that he wouldn't fall down the stairs as he let go of me to be the first one downstairs.  
  
I really hoped Zayn wouldn't be here, how awkward would this be like, just randomly showing up in his house when nobody had even invited me, right I needed to go home as soon as possible.  
  
When I reached the kitchen a little after Niall, it was luckily only his mum there, she smiled at me, not in a way as if she wanted to throw me out or even as if she was surprised to see me. "Did Zayn have a little party again?"  
  
"Umm…" I didn't know what to say, what if he wasn't allowed to have parties, I didn't wanna be the one to spill it to his mum.  
  
"It's fine, it's not like I wouldn't notice. Even if this time he really managed to get everyone out in time, I'm impressed." Since I had no idea what she was talking about, I just sat down, having Niall climb into my lap from the other chair, it seemed to be a thing now. "Niall, honey, I'm not sure if you should just sit on people without asking them."  
  
"No, it's fine really." There would've been nothing worse than Niall pouting now and leaving, so I quickly threw that in while holding onto him.  
  
"Liam stayed with me because I couldn't sleep." Niall announced, he seemed proud of it, even if there was no reason to because I was just me.  
  
"I know, I checked on you earlier when we came back. You should thank him for ditching the party for you." Yeah, about that…  
  
"Thank you, Li. Sorry you missed out on the party." Now I felt bad like, I hadn't minded doing it at all, I had actually preferred it.  
  
"You're welcome, Niall. It wasn't so exciting anyway, but don't tell your brother, okay?" Of course I only said it to make him laugh, it worked pretty well and he leaned back happily against me, babbling about something again before I could take more than a breath.  
  
I tried to wait for the perfect moment to speak up and say that I should actually leave, but Niall stayed in my lap the whole time while eating breakfast, not once running out of things to talk about with me so I didn't have the heart to, always thinking I could still leave in a few minutes.  
  
"…but now that I was out of my room yesterday, Zayn is not gonna play Wii with me anymore…" It made me sad, even if I knew that Zayn wouldn't have dreamed of playing anything with Niall, but still.  
  
"You know umm… we can play together sometime, I would play with you now but I didn't tell my mum where I am and I should really go ho-"  
  
"Nooo, I don't want you to leave, please don't, Li, nobody else has ever any time for me." Great.  
  
I adjusted him in my lap a little, grateful that his mum had left the kitchen for now because it wouldn't really be nice to hear her son accusing her of not spending time with him. Even if I somehow knew that Niall's words were the truth. "Look, I can stay a bit longer, but I'll have to go home at some point, I still have some work to do for school."  
  
There was partly the problem that I felt like shit after not changing clothes or showering for so long, I was almost a hundred percent positive that I'd be allowed to shower here but also that Niall's mum would make me borrow Zayn's clothes and just no. "Oh, okay…"  
  
"Niall, I…" He seriously climbed off of me now, wiping his eyes a little while my mouth dropped open in shock, because fucking shit, I had made him cry?! "Where are you going now, stay here."  
  
"But you have to leave anyway." He stopped, turning around while looking at his fingers, playing with his shirt a little, occasionally sniffing which broke my heart. Into a million pieces, I swear, I could actually feel it. This was so fucking hard because I was able to make him happy so easily but with one wrong word he was completely broken and crying, I don't think I had ever had anyone shedding a tear over me.  
  
"Yes, but…" But I couldn't now. I really couldn't. Maybe that's why I got crazy ideas while leaning forward a little, not getting up because it was easier to look at Niall. "If we ask your mum you can come over to my house maybe and I'll bring you back later."  
  
No idea how I'd even be able to write half a sentence for my homework with Niall bouncing around in my room, but as his face lit up, I wasn't sure if I even cared anymore. "Really?"  
  
"Yeah. But we have to ask, okay?" My voice got softer again, I felt myself relax a little when he smiled too brightly for just being offered to come over to my place.  
  
I stood up when Niall nodded over excitedly, about to rush off I believe but I got down a little to look at him, holding his arm to grasp his attention back.  
  
"Just because I have to leave doesn't mean that I don't want you around anymore, okay?" I don't know why, but the way his face had fallen made me think that he automatically assumed I had been lying just because I was annoyed with him. Because that's what Zayn did.  
  
"Okay." No idea if he really got what I was saying or just wanted to run off to go ask, my money was on the second but I had just wanted to make sure he knew because I felt like a complete asshole now.  
  
"Alright, go ask your mum." Niall didn't mind when I kissed his forehead before letting go, standing back up when he had already disappeared into the hallway, yelling through the house.  
  
There was no need for me to go after him so I put my shoes on, waiting by the door, playing with my wallet a little before my phone started vibrating again, I hadn't noticed before but there were a bunch of messages from Harry, he was obviously mistaking me for his diary now and documenting every single one of his thoughts involving Louis now. I decided I could text back later or so, he seemed okay with talking to himself for now.  
  
When Niall came back smiling, I felt really relieved, I didn't know what I would've done if he wasn't allowed to come, I couldn't spend my day here again, I also didn't want to, I felt better at home.  
  
"My mum said yes." Niall announced happily, making me smile as well without planning on it, it was good to see him like this again.  
  
"That's great, put your shoes on." Not that I would've needed to tell him, because he was actually already on the floor doing exactly that.  
  
"Liam, can I talk to you for a second?" Seemed like my idea didn't excite everyone to such an extend.  
  
"Yeah, sure…" I was a bit worried now as Niall's mum came up, so I asked Niall to hold my car keys meanwhile I was gone, just because he seemed upset about being left out, hoping that it would make him feel a little better.  
  
"Look, I know how Niall is and how hard it is to say no to him, but you really don't have to do this all the time." We were out of danger of him hearing, luckily, because this nearly made my eyes fall out as well.  
  
"No, no, I really want to do it, I wouldn't have offered it otherwise." What was she thinking, that I couldn't say no if I really wanted to go home alone? Truth be told, it really was hard to say no to Niall, but maybe I didn't want to.  
  
"I'm sorry, Liam. I know you're a good boy, it's just that I'm a little worried. Niall is always so disappointed because Zayn and him never really got along and now he has you and he never stops taking about how great you are, I just want you to know that he gets attached so easily and he'd be broken if this continues and then just stops suddenly." So basically… she was telling me I better not fuck this up, as if we were dating or something, this was weird.  
  
"I know, I noticed all of this. But I really care about Niall and I wouldn't do this to him, I promise. Whenever you need me to babysit or he wants to come over or so, just call me." Like the playdates me and Zayn had been forced into in earlier days, only that now I was offering it myself.  
  
"Okay, thank you so much, really, he absolutely adores you." When she had told me last time, I had shrugged it off, but this time it made me smile, because I knew it was true and the fact alone that somebody would like me this much as a person wasn't too bad either. "I actually have to talk to your mum anyway, I'll pick him up later so you don't have to drive over again, okay? Take care of him."  
  
"I will, I promise. See you later then." She just let me go, half smiling, half worried, I understood her reaction it's just that she didn't seem to be taking much of a part in Niall's life either, it came off as if I was actually the only one.  
  
Niall was really, really impatient when I got back, he nearly jumped at me. "What did my mum say?"  
  
"She just told me she'd pick you up later." I couldn't have told him the truth obviously.  
  
"But she could have said that when I was there as well." To win some time and think of an excuse, I unlocked the door, letting Niall go outside before me, he didn't even say goodbye, he just reached out for my hand.  
  
"Yeah, well, she also told me that you shouldn't drink any coke at my house, but I think we can make an exception, okay? Don't tell anybody though." Truth was, I had been scared about letting him drink coke last sunday, so I had checked whether it was okay when Niall and his mum had come over, making sure he didn't hear it, so I could safely use it as an excuse now.  
  
"I won't!" He giggled, swinging our arms a little before remembering something. "I still got your car key. Can I lock up?"  
  
"Yeah sure, the car is around the corner though." It seemed to satisfy him that I had agreed, no idea why it made him smile like this, but as I threw a look at his face, he was cheerful as ever, no sign of the tears from earlier.  
  
"Why did you park so far away?" A risky question, I couldn't exactly say because drunk people might break my windows, I hoped he didn't even know what drunk meant.  
  
"There was no parking space anywhere else. Alright, now, just press the button." Niall did what I told him as we reached the car, amazed because 'the car unlocks without touching it', yeah, magic.  
  
I still opened the back door for him after getting my keys back, somehow I also wanted to put his seatbelt on, like, I wanted to baby him constantly, he'd get annoyed with me if I didn't contain myself. "How is Loki, can I hold him again?"  
  
"You have to, I think he misses you a lot." Right now I was really thankful for a cat that hardly moved and didn't mind anyone keeping her in their lap for a few hours straight, because that's what Niall had done last time.  
  
As I parked out, Niall told me again how cute Loki was and that he was gonna buy ten cats at least when he was old enough, also that I'd have to visit him then to meet them all which would've sounded really weird to me but I was watching the road, only listening with one ear when Niall's future plans got interrupted by my phone.  
  
"Sh- I mean… my phone." There was a red light yet I didn't want to pick up while driving, especially not because Niall would be watching me, I don't know, didn't wanna be a bad role model I guess. So that's why I had another idea. "Can you pick up for me?"  
  
"I should pick up YOUR phone?" His eyes nearly popped out as I handed it back quickly, not having enough time to watch him any longer before I had to drive on.  
  
"Yeah, whose name is it?" He could handle phones, right?  
  
"Harry." So then he obviously decided it was excited to use my phone because I heard a giggle. "Hi, Harry…no, it's Niall… no, I didn't steal his phone!"  
  
"Tell him where we are and what we're gonna do." At least if Harry had to tell Niall everything to repeat it for me he couldn't get dirty. Or maybe he would, it was Harry after all.  
  
"I'm in Liam's car and he's driving and he said to pick up for him… Liam, what's a pussy, Harry said that's what you are." Oh my god, I could hear the laughter through the phone even to where I was sitting.  
  
"Tell Harry he should just say why he called or his secret won't be one any longer." Right, but who would I even tell?  
  
"He wants to know why you called and I didn't get what else he said." This was gonna be fun. "Okay… Harry said you should text him back and he wants you to tell Louis something but he doesn't say what…Liii, is Louis the boy Harry is in love with?"  
  
Yeah, I could hear Harry yell through the phone, again, which quite amused me, mostly because Niall couldn't have given less of a fuck if he talked about Harry while actually being on the phone with him. "Yes, babe, but you have to pretend like you don't know or he will get mad."  
  
"You know, Harry, if you're in love with him then you should tell him." I couldn't stop laughing, it served Harry right for bothering me all morning and Niall was actually really sweet about this. "Yeah, I know Louis, he's nice…Liam should tell him if you're scared, Liam can do everything."  
  
Aw. "Ni, I'm not sure if Harry really wants to talk about it."  
  
"Okay… but Harry can you hang up I don't know how to." Niall put the phone away then while I was still having troubles containing my amusement.  
  
"Is the call still going?" I just wanted to check, who knows, maybe Harry wanted to spy on us.  
  
"I don't know, there's a picture of the Batman sign now." Yeah, my background, creative.  
  
"Alright, then it's fine. Thanks for picking up, Ni." We should do that more often.  
  
"Did I do good?" It seemed that he was dying to hear my approval, the way he had just talked about me and this now made me really believe Zayn and his mum when they said he hadn't shut up about me at home.  
  
"Yeah, you were really nice to Harry. But Niall, if you ever see Louis again you can't tell him any of this, okay? And… and also not Zayn. It's a secret okay, and Harry would be really sad." Wow, how fucked would I actually be if Zayn found out and decided to make fun of them in school or something.  
  
"I won't tell anybody, I promise, Li, I don't tell secrets." I believed him immediately, because his eyes got really big and as stupid as that sounded, I don't think he'd ever do anything to possibly make me mad. Not that I could've ever been mad at him.  
  
"Thanks, I know, Niall, it's okay." He flashed me a smile through the mirror that I couldn't help but return, quietly to myself though.  
  
For the rest of the drive Niall and me talked about cats since he just picked the conversation up at the exact point where Harry had cut it off, but it was fine for me, whatever Niall wanted.  
  
It also made him really happy that as soon as I locked up my front door, Loki came creeping around the corner so I picked him up quickly, handing him over to Niall because he looked like he'd explode if I didn't. "Don't hold him too tight, okay?" He had the tendency to hug him really tightly even if I had showed him how to hold cats properly it didn't really get through to him. "Mum, I'm home and Niall is here as well."  
  
Right, I should've probably asked or something, but then again, it's not like she was the one who had to make sure he wouldn't get bored. "I know, Li, his mum called me before."  
  
"Alright we…" I was about to take Niall to my room but she came around the corner out of the living room, too happy about this situation. Yeah, I knew why, because for the first time I was making afford to befriend her best friends' sons, she probably knew deep down that me and Zayn had just played along because we didn't have a choice.  
  
"Hi, Niall, if you want anything or if you're hungry you just have to tell Liam, alright?" The thing was, Niall wouldn't have any problems telling me if something was wrong yet he had somehow problems talking to people that weren't me, his family or on the phone with him because he immediately came half hiding behind me, still cradling my cat to his chest.  
  
For a few seconds, I thought he'd say something, but he sticked to nodding so I decided to help him out. "Okay, we're upstairs."  
  
Niall was more than happy to follow me, open mouth as soon as my mum was out of sight, this was remarkable, really, he was so comfortable around me as if we had known each other for all our lives. We had, sort of.  
  
I found myself enjoying the time I had with Niall, we played Wii, like I had promised before, showing Niall a few things so he'd be better for which he loved me even more. So much, he promised to be quiet while I attempted to do my homework, letting him watch TV in my bed meanwhile.  
  
Also, my mum made us lunch, and even if Niall was extremely shy while being around her he was really polite all of a sudden and freaking cute while eating because of the fact that he was left handed and having trouble cutting his food so I decided to help, not expecting my mum to find us so cute she nearly was about to take a picture.  
  
Niall also nearly slept in later while I finished my assignment, instead of staying in my bed though, he came climbing into my lap, surprising me a little. Well, actually so much I had to finish my homework the next day when he wasn't there anymore.  
  
\------  
  
"Hey, Liam, you gonna come to my place, right?" Louis had been bugging me all day about this, I didn't know why, all I knew was that he had the house to himself and that Harry would come too, obviously, they never did anything without each other as it seemed.  
  
"I don't know, I think I have to study for-"  
  
"You have no choice, you know." Of course, this was true, my mum had needed the car in the morning so I had been forced to ask Louis if he could drive me to school since I didn't want to wake up an hour earlier. "Harry wants you to come too."  
  
There was only one reason for this, Harry was constantly trying to get me and Louis into a room by ourselves just so I would talk to him, I had tried, I promise, not only that one time at the party three weeks ago, but multiple times. It's just, I wasn't allowed to just say 'Hey, Harry has a freaking crush on you', so that complicated everything a little.  
  
Especially since they forced me to hang out with them constantly, I really loved them both I just wasn't used to so much attention, Harry liked me because I was helping him with Louis and Louis texted me every day ever since I had agreed to help him babysit his four sisters.  
  
"Yeah, alright…" What else could I have said, I had nothing to do anyway, it was like, thursday and the car wasn't available all day because my mum was out of town. I could've asked Niall's mum if she'd bring him over because I hadn't seen him since monday even if I had seen him so much lately I wondered if he ever actually got sick of me and it was actually really late now if I thought about when his bedtime was.  
  
"Okay, cool, come on then ." They had actually waited by my locker after my last class, very obviously bringing a little more distance between them as they saw me while I groaned internally, this was ridiculous, were they fucking blind.  
  
"You know what, Li, ever since you came back and hang out with us people think the three of us are having orgies every day after school." Louis and Harry both laughed, yeah, they probably wouldn't even mind that rumor to be true. And if it excluded me.  
  
"As much as you wish that that was true, Lou, I unfortunately am still straight." Which they didn't believe me after our talk about who was the hottest girl in school and I said I had no idea because I didn't pay attention so then we came to no solution since both of them were gay.  
  
"Yeah right." See? "There were about three girls who asked me about you but all I could say was that you probably don't have time to hang out with them because you are constantly babysitting Zayn's brother."  
  
Speaking of that, Niall had gotten his dad's old phone, I don't know why but I found it more delightful to send him the pictures of my cat he requested than texting with Harry and Louis about Louis and very suspicious questions about Harry's jeans.  
  
"I like babysitting him, his parents are never at home and Zayn-"  
  
"I know, I know, I still dare to say me and Harry are more fun. Harry especially." Heard that, this was how it was going all day long, compliments over compliments and cuddling that was of course completely platonic.  
  
"Mhmm." Was all I made, not that anybody noticed, they were busy staring at each other, smiling so much that my own cheeks started to hurt by just looking.  
  
Of course, I got banned to sit in the back, not that I dared discussing this, Harry could get really pissed off if me and Louis got along too well. Problems over problems.  
  
"Right, Liam, before I forget to warn you, my mum thought it would be a great idea if you and and your mum come to London with us for Christmas break." Luckily Harry hadn't turned around while telling me, because Louis hit the breaks so abruptly he would've sent his best friends head in the seat.  
  
"What the hell, Louis, are you trying to kill us?!" His driving skills had made me regret not walking to school today, but it was too late now.  
  
"But Harry, what about our new years plans?! You can't just forget about them for Liam!" Besides the fact that this was actually really offending and that I was still in shock, I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend my break with Harry and his family, his mum was nice and all but it was only October anyway and …  
  
"Calm down, Lou, you come too, of course, I already asked." Wow, now I wanted to come even less, what a surprise.  
  
"Oh. Okay." Just like that, Louis drove on as if nothing had happened, nobody talked about it anymore, I used the time of the short drive to send prayers to God that my mum would say no to this very bad idea. Not very likely.  
  
I can't say that I enjoyed being in a car with Louis and Harry, mostly because whenever Louis said something that was only remotely funny Harry would laugh like a donkey, for five minutes, even if that was a really shitty way of getting someone to like you, it seemed to work, because in the end, I was the one getting told off for only forcing a smile.  
  
"Aright, I suggest since nobody is here, we should all get naked." The sad thing was, they'd probably pull through with this.  
  
"Or we could all leave our clothes on, how about that?" Louis' house was really big, I had only been here twice, while Harry just fell onto the couch with his feet on the table, glancing at me for keeping Louis from taking his shirt off.  
  
"You're always so uptight, Niall's not here, there's not need for you to jump into Daddy mode." Harry was about to move on the couch, make some space as Louis came over however he just put his legs in Harry's lap, making me cock an eyebrow at this.  
  
"I don't jump into Daddy mode…" Luckily, there was a second couch, so I sat there, watching the very bizarre scene next to me, Harry was about to lose his mind or something.  
  
"I bet Haz would love seeing me naked, right?" Of course, it was a joke, but Harry turned really red, looking at me as if I could somehow help him out of this.  
  
"Y-Yeah sure…" He faked a couch, getting Louis to pat his back while he seemed to be very deep in thought.  
  
"We should do something fun like… Truth or Dare." I should've known. Luckily there was nothing about me that they didn't know, literally, I was the most boring person alive.  
  
"We're not six anymore, Lou, I-"  
  
"Yeah, let's play." It was an asshole move, Harry was beyond scared, there were one million questions that could lead to him spilling his secret. Exactly why I agreed, I was tired of this and Louis would never tell me the truth anyway.  
  
"We can't play, this is really stupid, we all know that Liam only agreed because there's exactly nothing he's keeping from us, let's do something else." Like expected, Harry wanted to jump up, but he couldn't because Louis was keeping him on the couch, completely ignoring his arguments while looking at me, smirking.  
  
"Liam, truth or dare?" I would've been so dumb for taking dare.  
  
"Truth." What could he ask me, seriously, this was beyond-  
  
"What is Harry always texting you when he thinks I don't notice it?" Oh.  
  
"I-I… it's about homework mostly, I-"  
  
"You know that if you lie, then you're out, right? I could easily request to see the text messages as proof." Alright, this had been the worst idea I had ever had.  
  
"No, you can't, only one question, Lou, and that was it, unless Liam doesn't take dare we have to assume he's telling the truth. Which he is, by the way, you know how bad I am at maths." Harry saved it, even if he was talking quietly, knowing that Louis would be pissed for taking my side. Our side, to be exact here, he'd be more screwed than me.  
  
"Fine then. Liam, ask Harry." Actually I had planned on asking very obvious questions about Louis but I felt a little bad now for nearly causing a fight between them so I just asked the first thing that came to my mind when he chose truth as well, while glaring at me I must add.  
  
"Okay umm… who was your first kiss?" There was nothing wrong with it, right, I mean…  
  
"Umm…" Yeah and then that happened. I had assumed that both of them had been in relationships before, unlike me, probably also with girls when they had been younger and stuff like that but Harry nearly died, staring into his lap now before whispering so quietly, I almost didn't hear him. "Louis…"  
  
We both nearly choked, well actually, I wasn't as surprised as Louis, I had known that they had hooked up before, drunk, a year or so ago, but wow that would mean that- "WHAT?! You told me that it has been no big deal, you said you had sex with… wait, you've never been in a relationship?"  
  
Oh. Oops. "I-I… no. Sorry, I lied, I… I didn't mean to Louis, I'm sorry."  
  
"But… oh god. I would've never… if I had known, I…" Now this was getting rather awkward, it hadn't exactly been my intend to spill that Louis had taken Harry's virginity while being completely shitfaced without even knowing it myself, I should've probably left.  
  
Harry was completely embarrassed while Louis was devastated, sitting up straight now, without touching Harry, not that he noticed, he probably thought of whether to chop my head off or stab me with a butter knife. "Sorry…please don't be mad."  
  
"I'm not mad, I…" I was incredibly lucky I assume, for having my phone go off every single time I was having a conversation, just like now.  
  
Without looking at the others, I jumped up, leaving the room while still feeling their stares in my back, only picking up when I reached the kitchen, without checking who was calling me, probably my mum, she tended to give me unnecessary updates whenever she wasn't home. "Yeah?"  
  
"Hi, Li…" Niall, obviously I didn't have a lot of kids calling me besides I noticed his voice right away.  
  
"Hey, babe, are you okay?" It was strange, he never called me, whenever he wanted to see me he usually asked his mum, provided I wasn't the one to suggest it first.  
  
"No… umm… " He sniffed, immediately making me forget about whatever had just happened before, Niall crying was the worst. "Zayn forgot to pick me up and… I waited for him but he didn't come…and mum and dad have to work late, their phones are turned off…"  
  
"How long did you wait, Ni?" Shit, why didn't I have my car, exactly TODAY.  
  
"An hour or so… can you come and get me? I'm scared, it's getting dark a-and … and there are some creepy guys on the other side of the street…" I heard his voice shaking terribly, nearly making me lose my mind, if something happened to him I wouldn't know what to do.  
  
"Okay, listen, Ni, it's all good, okay? Don't talk to anybody, promise me, yeah? And don't go with anyone until I'm there, you're at the sports center, right?" Of course, he was there because his dad had thought it would be a great idea to make Niall play football, that was also the reason why he had gotten the phone. I know I had no say in this but sending Niall to football training seemed to be the worst idea someone could come up with.  
  
"Y-Yeah…" If those guys he had talked about would do anything to him I would personally slit their throats.  
  
"I'm gonna be there in no time, baby, don't be scared, it's all fine." While trying to calm him down, I walked back into the living room, being met by Louis and Harry hugging, wow, okay? "Guys I… ummm…Louis I have to borrow your car."  
  
"What?" They pulled apart immediately, staring at me as if I had grown another head or so, why were they so embarrassed now, they hugged all the time in front of me.  
  
"I have to borrow your car, Zayn forgot to pick up Niall from football training and I can't just let him stand there. Please, I'm scared something might happen to him." I had had the phone covered with one hand, because Niall was still on the phone with me, too scared to hang up.  
  
"Oh… alright, I…I'll drive you." No idea why Louis didn't want me to just borrow the car however he threw a very intense look at Harry before getting up, brushing his shoulder with his hand, not by accident. "You coming, Haz?"  
  
"Yeah, of course." Something had definitely happened, Harry wasn't mad at me like expected, actually, as he passed me by, he made sure Louis had already left for the door before leaning in really close to me. "Thank you."  
  
Before I could ask, he smiled at me widely, making sure to run after his soon-to-be-boyfriend. Great, I think tonight I would be the one to beg him to tell ME what happened for once. "L-Li, are you still there?"  
  
Right, Niall, he was more important than somebody's crush. "Of course, sorry, Ni, I just talked to Harry. We'll come and get you with Louis' car, okay? So don't be scared if you don't recognize it."  
  
"Yeah okay…I have to hang up, my dad gets mad if I use the phone too much…" It was hard putting on my shoes while trying to keep up a conversation with, but I managed it somehow, with Louis already yelling at me from inside the car to hurry the fuck up.  
  
"We'll see us in one second anyway, okay? We'll hurry up, promised." I would've been faster if I had been allowed to drive myself, but I climbed into the backseat now, grateful for a car at all.  
  
"Okay…" He hung up, but not without me noticing the sniff at the end, fuck, I hated when he cried, or knowing that he wasn't safe or something might possibly happen to him, I hated not seeing him in so long above all.  
  
"Liam, are you okay? Zayn just forgot to pick him up, we'll just get him, it's no big deal." Yeah, I was a bit, very actually, nervous now, my foot going up and down after I told Louis where to go, but of course, there was still traffic, so he had to stop the car, much to my displeasure.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." Actually the other two were the ones who'd have every right to ignore me now yet I was the one staring out of the window, contemplating whether I'd be faster if I just ran.  
  
"About before umm… you know… a year ago or so… me and Harry got really drunk and… things happened, but… ummm…" I knew the whole story already, from Harry himself, he got a little smaller in his seat now but I pretended not to notice.  
  
"It's fine, you don't have to explain it to me, I think I can live without details." I knew them already, it was more of a hint for Harry. "I'm sorry if I… brought you guys in a weird situation."  
  
"No, we're okay, I'm just… sorry." Louis was sorry as well? Good, they could just repeat the whole thing to make up for it and never tell me anything about it ever again.  
  
"You don't have to be sorry, Lou, I'm the one who lied." They'd both be sorry as hell if something happened to Niall and had to deal with me losing my mind, but I kept my mind shut for now, doing my best to shut them out.  
  
Which didn't exactly work. "Yeah, just… I didn't know it'd be such a big deal for you."  
  
They talked about it, the whole time we were in the car, at least now I got why Harry had thanked me, Louis seemed to be desperate to make it up, without knowing that Harry hadn't actually minded the fact that Louis had been his first kiss and all, I should've just thrown it in, but I was somewhere else with my thoughts.  
  
It really was getting dark, like Niall had said before, plus I had had a long day in school and it was about to be winter soon, Niall never wore proper clothes if nobody forced him, which no one would do after football practice.  
  
I shared my worries with Harry and Louis after they started questioning why I took my jacket off when we were almost there, so I explained it, ignoring the looks they threw at each other, no matter what they said, I didn't care if I was exaggerating, it was for Niall, I wouldn't take a risk.  
  
"Where is he, I can't see him." Louis stopped the car in front of the main entrance, my heart making a skip at his words, I just got out, nearly falling over.  
  
"Niall? Where are you?" Knowing him, he was probably hiding, even if the guys he had mentioned on the phone were gone… wait.  
  
"Liam, don't freak out okay, he has got to be here somewhere, try the back door, we'll look here." WHAT IF HE WASN'T THERE?!  
  
I think Louis and Harry had gotten out of the car as well, but I didn't wait for them, just deciding to do what Harry had said, I hadn't even known that a back door existed at all, it was just around the corner though.  
  
At first, I wanted to start crying, because there was nobody either as I just quickly threw a look, about to, I don't know, call the police or something but then I noticed the bench on the sidewalk where a very small and of course poorly dressed Niall was crying his eyes out. Oh thank god.  
  
"Niall!" His head shot up, immediately looking at me before crying even more and jumping up even if I was already there, wrapping him up in my arms. "Where's your jacket, babe, you're freezing to death!"  
  
Niall wrapped his arms around my neck as I picked him up, they were cold as ice and he was shaking terribly, both from the coldness and from being scared I suppose, great, now I was about o start bawling too, out of relief. "S-Sorry…."  
  
"Hey, it's all good, okay, I'm here now, you don't have to cry, Ni baby, all is good." I was mostly trying to calm down myself, because Niall just kept clinging to me, crying into my neck, both of us freezing now since nobody was wearing more than a long sleeved shirt. For a bit, I rocked Niall in my arms, until I remembered that Louis and Harry were still looking for him as well, so I carefully picked up Niall's bag, making sure he wouldn't slip even if it would've been impossible the way his arms and legs were wrapped around me. "We'll just go back to Louis and Harry, alright? It'll be warmer in a second."  
  
No idea if Niall had heard me, he didn't answer or even lifted his head, just continued to cry in my shirt as I walked back, I don't know if I had ever been so relieved in my whole entire life over having him cry in my arms like this.  
  
"Oh, thank god." It seemed that Louis and Harry had been worried as well, they came over now, Harry even reached out to rub Niall's back a little, even if that wasn't a good idea at all but there was no reaction whatsoever.  
  
"He's hardly wearing anything, get him in the car." Louis held the door open for me, I carelessly threw the bag onto the other side, not even assuming for one second that Niall would sit by himself, he always wanted to sit on my lap when he was tired, sad or scared, I think today it was all of those reasons combined.  
  
I had to shift Niall a little so he could sit in my lap, using my jacket to tug him in before going back to hugging him. "Ni, look at me for a second, please, babe? You'll be okay, I promise, are you still cold?"  
  
After trying a little, he let go of me slightly, so much that I was able to see his face, I had seen him so often whenever he had cried but this time was especially bad, so I leaned down, kissing his forehead slightly before using the tissue that Harry handed me from the front to dry Niall's face a little.  
  
"What's up Niall, you're safe now, I'm here." Sure, it had been a scary situation for him but he was extremely down now, he wouldn't even talk to me and my shirt would rip if he continued to pull on it.  
  
"I w-was s-scared…a-and…" His voice just broke after that, I hugged him tighter, pressing kisses into his hair while Louis luckily turned on the heating.  
  
"You don't have to tell me now, babe, it's okay…" Actually it wasn't okay and I was about to freak out again now, because of Zayn mostly but also because Niall turned closer into me, burying his face in my shirt.  
  
"Liam, we'll just take him to my place for now, okay? He'll be fine." Louis' voice was soft now, I looked up to see both him and Harry staring at Niall, pretty worried as well, so I nodded, I trusted Louis in this case, he had four younger sisters, he probably knew what to do.  
  
"Okay." I wanted to call Zayn now and yell at him through the phone, but instead I tried not to think about it, cradling Niall to my chest instead and whispering sweet nothings to him, hoping he would at least stop crying, it was better now, but I was still painfully worried.  
  
Nobody talked anymore, except for me with Niall however he never replied so I was having a talk with myself in the back, Louis stayed completely quiet while Harry sometimes checked on us, reaching out sometimes to run his fingers through Niall's hair or smiling at me, to cheer me up I suppose. It didn't help but I appreciated the effort.  
  
When we arrived, Louis told Harry to just go lock up for me and that he'd take Niall's bag, so that's what we did, it seemed kinda ridiculous now to think about that we had been dumb enough to play truth or dare in the same living room that Niall was curled up on my lap now after I carried him inside. "Where are we, Li?"  
  
"At Louis' place. You remember Louis, right? And Harry?" They kept their distance, knowing how he got around strangers but he only nodded against my shoulder now, cuddling further into the blanket that Louis had brought.  
  
"You okay, Ni? Do you want anything, are you hungry? Thirsty?" They were really nice to Niall, probably because it was impossible to not fall in love with him, I saw their looks while they watched him.  
  
"No, thank you…" He was rubbing his eyes now, Harry nearly died at this sight, it made me smirk a little even if I didn't feel like it at all.  
  
"Okay, if you change your mind just tell Liam, alright?" Niall had stopped crying at least, he seemed really worn out now, freeing his hands from the blanket to play with my fingers instead.  
  
"Do you want me to call Zayn? Or try your parents again?" I wasn't really sure what to do now, I had no idea where Zayn was and I for sure wouldn't just drop him off at home so he'd be all alone, no way.  
  
"No, I wanna stay with you." To show me that he meant it, he snuggled up tighter against me, nearly making me smile.  
  
"It's alright, I'm not gonna go anywhere, Niall." Not that he would've let me anyway.  
  
"Liam…can I tell you something?" He was whispering, maybe because of Harry and Louis even if they weren't really paying any attention, they were talking with each other, quietly, sitting way too close again.  
  
"Of course, babe, anything, you know that." He usually told me everything else as well, I was afraid I knew more about his school than his parents did.  
  
"I… I don't like football practice… and there are some guys from my school and they're really mean to me…a-and… they also hid my jacket…" I nearly squished him in a hug then, peppering kisses over his head.  
  
"You have to tell your parents that, Ni, they can't just take your things and if you don't wanna go play football you shouldn't have to." Of course I had known before how much he hated it, he had never told me why though, I think he was embarrassed, even now.  
  
"But they'll get mad at me… and tomorrow at school everybody is gonna laugh at me because I'm so bad and because I was the only one who didn't get invited to my friends' house for his birthday…" Before I could even say another word, he started crying again, I couldn't take this anymore, he always told me stuff like this about his 'friends' and it was making me sick.  
  
"Niall, please don't cry, hey, look at me..:" The hiccups he always got fro crying were the cutest thing, but I couldn't think about hat now when he leaned back just the slightest bit so I could rub my thumbs over his cheeks softly, kissing his forehead. "They don't mean it, okay, they shouldn't be laughing at you and they're horrible for doing this to you, trust me, I know. I never got invited to anything either, and I know it hurts but whatever they're saying it's not true, I love you very much, okay? And a lot of other people do to, they're just jealous, Ni, they don't even know how sweet you are and if they ever get in your stuff again then tell me who it was and I'll make this stop." Yeah, I shouldn't be thinking of threatening kids but I did it anyway.  
  
"They'd be jealous if they saw that you're my friend…" He dropped his head against my shoulder again, rubbing his eyes again, he was probably tired as well now.  
  
"You know… if you're so scared of tomorrow, I can walk into class with you." I'd come way too late to my own class, but whatever, I came late all the time and I remember this one kid having an older brother when I had been younger and everyone being incredibly jealous. Well, I wasn't Niall's brother but this was as close as it could get, I was just dying to help.  
  
"Really…?" Niall listened up now, he even allowed me to look at his face again and there might have even been a tiny smile on his lips.  
  
"If you want me to, I'll do anything to help you, you just have to tell me, okay?" I would even talk to his parents if he asked me to, but the he only thing he ever did was letting me promise to never tell anybody.  
  
"Okay. Please go in class with me tomorrow." He was so cute, I didn't understand how anybody would ever want to hurt him, I wished I could go and get everyone back who had been mean to him ever.  
  
"Of course, you just wait by the entrance and I'll come and get you okay." I'd pick him up at home as well but I knew that his dad brought him and Zayn drove with his own car, it would be a little weird to suggest that I could drive Niall.  
  
This time we didn't get interrupted by my phone but by Niall's, it was a little weird to see him having a phone at all, even if I was really glad today that he had one. "It's Zayn… I don't wanna talk to him…"  
  
Perfect. "Give it to me."  
  
Niall handed me the phone without hesitating, Louis and Harry were listening up as well now, they looked like they were worried about me losing my mind now, I was close to it, very close.  
  
"Niall, where the hell-"  
  
"No, it's Liam. Listen Zayn, if you intend to forget your brother again tell me next time so I don't find him crying and half frozen to death." It was wrong to talk like this to Zayn while Niall was listening, he flinched a little because he wasn't used to me with a harsher voice, but still leaning into me until Harry suggested quietly that Niall should come sit with him a little.  
  
I encouraged it, while Zayn was looking for an excuse, holding the phone a little away so he wouldn't hear as I went to whisper in Niall's ear. "Baby, I'll just go over in the kitchen and talk with your brother, please stay with Harry and Louis meanwhile, I'll be back in no time okay. They're really nice, if you ask Louis maybe he can show you his sister's guinea pig."  
  
An animal was the key to everything, Niall looked a little unsure now but he climbed out of my lap now so I could stand up, kissing his head a little before making sure I got out of sight since Zayn was getting impatient. "Hey, if you don't wanna talk to me then why don't you hang up, Payne?"  
  
"I'm really sorry that I had to calm down Niall after you made him cry for the millionth time. It's none of my business how you treat him at home, but I draw the line at forgetting him when it's getting dark and he calls me up because he's all alone when it's ice cold and he's been waiting for you for an hour and you can't even pick up your  phone." I was doing good, I wasn't even yelling.  
  
"I forgot him ONE time, it happens, okay, I would've told him that I'm sorry but you took his phone." Yeah right.  
  
"Mhm. It's a little too late for that now don't you think." Besides that, I didn't even dream of handing Niall the phone, he really couldn't need this now.  
  
"Alright, Liam. I know how much my brother loves you and how much he wishes I'd have as much time as you do but I got reasons why I act the way I do. I appreciate that you picked him up today and I really am sorry, but you can't judge me if you don't even know me." What the hell was that supposed to mean, seriously, I didn't need to know someone to know when they are acting like an asshole.  
  
"I used to know you though. And you've never been like this." Yeah, we had been fighting as kids, but thats because we had been exactly that, kids, however I had never hated him as much as I did now.  
  
"Yeah, because things change, Liam, so don't try and tell me how to treat my brother, I know I'm hard on him but he's got you so he'll be fine. If you wanna bring him back I'll drive home now and my parents will be back by ten, bye." He hung up on me, without leaving me any time to respond, I should've asked him about what fucking reasons someone could have for treating a child like shit but I'm not sure if I wanted to know them.  
  
It took me a few minutes to calm down, and look at Niall's phone background because it was my cat, that made me smile a little, but I didn't wanna go back while being completely worked up and having to pretend that I was fine for Niall. I still didn't know what to do, I knew he wouldn't wanna go home, because he never did, which I understood too good, but he'd have to, at some point.  
  
So I walked back into the living room again, finding only Louis waiting for me there, he seemed pretty worried because he immediately looked at me. "You okay?"  
  
"I guess so. If wanting to strangle Zayn doesn't count. Where's Harry and Niall?" I let myself fall onto the couch, not going crazy this time over not knowing where Niall was, I trusted Harry.  
  
"They're looking at my sister's guinea pig upstairs, Harry is in love with Niall." He's also in love with you, idiot.  
  
"Yeah, who isn't. Hey, Lou…" Maybe because now that I got bigger problems, I didn't mind so much anymore talking about other stuff, or maybe it was because I was staring at the turned off TV instead of actually at Louis.  
  
"Yeah?" His voice was normal, I and a feeling it would change.  
  
"You like Harry, don't you. That's why you were so devastated before." Actually I didn't need any confirmation of this, I just wanted to make him aware that I had noticed I suppose.  
  
Louis took a deep breath, obviously not sure if he should answer me but let's be honest, that was answer enough. "I gotta figure this out first. You know… there's only two more years in this school and I might go away after that. It wouldn't be fair, to start something when I know it's gonna end."  
  
Definitely a yes. I just nodded, I had thought that it was something like this, because that was my problem as well, not because of a relationship or because of my friendship with Louis and Harry. But because of Niall.  
  
We fell into silence then because I didn't know any advice to give him, it was his decision after all, I'd just like to know what to tell Harry about this when he asked me next time, Louis obviously knew about Harry's feelings towards him, but it wouldn't be fair to tell him, they had to figure this out themselves.  
  
Just like I did. "Liam!" And right now I was thinking about not going far away after school at all.  
  
"Careful, Ni." He nearly hit his elbow in my stomach because he was so eager to sit on my lap again, Harry looked a little disappointed for being left like this, but at least Niall had agreed to hold his hand before.  
  
"What did Zayn say?" So here we go again with the lies.  
  
"He's really sorry, Ni, but he forgot his phone in the car and a friend of his really needed help with something, he's not gonna forget you anymore, I think he just didn't look at the time." Telling him stuff like this only worked because Zayn wouldn't think of coming to apologize and explain it himself, I could've basically said anything and yeah, I did feel bad, but it was better like this.  
  
Louis and Harry shared a look over this, they had probably noticed how I had slightly hesitated while quickly making this up, but for Niall, it was alright, because I put my arms around him again and he nuzzled his head into my shoulder. "We were upstairs looking at the guinea pig and Harry nearly fell into the cage."  
  
"I did not, Niall! That's a complete lie, I was just checking if the food bowl was empty or not." The truth was, Harry's cheeks turned pink as Louis turned to him with cocked eyebrows and Niall laughed really hard so I joined because it was fucking contagious.  
  
"And did you try some of it as well, Haz?" Now that Louis had basically confirmed my assumptions, I could hear the way his voice changed whenever he talked to Harry even more, it was ridiculous how someone could've not heard it.  
  
"Oh, shut up, none of this happened, Niall is a little liar." Of course he was just joking, Niall was still giggling, it was cute and I was relived that he felt okay again however I also knew that it didn't take much to change that.  
  
Since I'd only have to bring back Niall by ten and he'd be asleep long before that anyway, we stayed a little longer at Louis' house, everyone was in a better mood now and Niall seemed to like them as well even if he preferred me, luckily, it was only fair, we spent three days a week together.  
  
Also Louis was the only one with a car, we first of all drove to Niall's house, he was half asleep already, so I waited until Zayn opened us up, not saying much since Niall was dozing off on my shoulder while I carried him. I did help him change into his pajamas and get into bed, but he slept in within five minutes, making me promise again that I'd be there tomorrow. There was no sight of Zayn when I walked downstairs, just pulling the front door closed behind me.  
  
I kinda knew that Harry's house was closer than mine, but it also made sense that Louis brought me home first, I really hoped that he'd talk to Harry even if that, of course, wouldn't happen anytime soon, they were just too complicated for that.  
  
\-----  
  
My alarm went off too late the next morning, maybe because I hadn't been able to fall asleep last night however I managed to get to school in time, actually not my school but Niall's.  
  
The entrance wasn't far away from the parking lot, I could've also gone through my school to get there as they were attached however Niall would be outside even if now that I nearly froze my ass off, I regretted telling him to not wait inside or so.  
  
It was funny actually, to go back there since this had been my school as well, only that now all the kids looked at me, probably thinking I had lost my way, but no. I couldn't help thinking that some of them might be Niall's classmates, so maybe that's why I couldn't bring myself to look happier, or maybe it was the lack of sleep. Or both.  
  
Niall wasn't hard to be overlooked, he was somehow smaller than most of the others, he also looked more breakable, and really lonely as well, it made my heart drop, even if his face lit up incredibly at seeing me. "Li!"  
  
"Hi, babe, you okay?" He hugged me quickly while I couldn't hold back my yawn anymore, rubbing his back softly before he pulled away.  
  
"Yeah. Thank you for coming." Had he really thought I wouldn't?  
  
"You're welcome, anything for you. Should we go inside?" This made his mood crumble a little, he took my hand immediately, pressing tightly into my side.  
  
I didn't know if what I was doing was okay, I just knew that when I had gone into this school the last time, I wished I would've had someone by my side who'd make sure I was fine.  
  
"Niall, you don't have to worry about anything, okay? I'm here now and if anyone does something to you, all you have to do is call me and I'll come over, yeah?" Yeah, I couldn't exactly punch kids and I also didn't plan on, I secretly hoped that after today, they wouldn't even dare to be mean to Niall anymore.  
  
"O-Okay…" Niall was really pale, he leaned more into me, holding my hand tighter now as we went inside, even if nothing had happened by now, yeah, the kids all stared but it was because of me not him.  
  
His class wasn't so far from the door, I knew which one it was since Niall suddenly started walking slower, I could really tell how much he did not want to go in there now, but I didn't stop like he probably wanted me to. I would've let him skip, but I wasn't his dad so it wasn't for me to do decide, this was all I could do right now and Niall probably knew it because he gave in without whining or begging.  
  
"Niall, is that your big brother?" I felt a few curious pairs of eyes on us, Niall got nervous for the both of us, he just pulled me along to the back of the class after shaking his head at the girl who had asked.  
  
"No, that's Liam, he's my friend." It made me really sad that Niall was practically sitting alone, sure the tables were all individually anyway, but he was sitting by the wall, in the last row, with a boy next to him that looked like his eyes were gonna fall out as he saw me. Good, I was scary.  
  
"Why are you taking Niall to school, Liam?" It wasn't hard to guess that whoever had spoken up now, and I really wasn't sure because suddenly everyone of Niall's classmates seemed highly interested in knowing the answer to this question, was someone who Niall was afraid of, because he refused to let my hand go now, pressing his back into his table next to me after dropping his backpack.  
  
"Because I wanted to see what his class was like." So now, everyone who had ever teased him please come forward so I can slap you across the face. Kidding. Or so.  
  
"How old are you? You look really old, are you a senior?" Yeah, that would've been probably more impressive, I could've lied but.  
  
"No, I'm sixteen." This boy that was talking to me, Niall disliked him a lot, he was pulling my shirt now with his other hand, as if to tell me, so I decided to talk on. "How old are you, like, ten?"  
  
Everybody laughed except for him, good. "No, I'm twelve!"  
  
"Oh, well… shouldn't you be a class higher then?" I was HONESTLY confused, I swear to god, I was not purposely picking on this kid even if I wanted to, how would I have known that he had managed to mess up his first year in middle school?!  
  
I let go of Niall's hand slowly, putting my arm around his shoulder instead because he was leaning his head against me anyway, obviously liking what I was doing, on purpose or not. "Why would you be Niall's friend anyway, he's really boring and weird too."  
  
Niall tensed up, I felt like he was about to shout something at the boy so I decided to speak up faster. "Well, it's a pity for you that you think that, there are a lot of my friends over there in high school who like Niall very much so maybe you should overthink your theories a little. And besides, watch your language, I don't think you want to find out what happens if I hear you talking about Niall like that again."  
  
He was pouting now, obviously knowing nothing to reply anymore, except for one thing that confirmed all my theories about who he was. "At least I can kick a football when it's lying right in front of me, right, Niall?"  
  
"You know, what's really cool when you're in high school? Playing basketball, maybe I should show you how to play, I showed Niall as well." Never mind I probably didn't even know the rules for basketball.  
  
Really, nobody dared to say anything negative about Niall anymore, a few boys went back to their seats, the one I had talked to as well, it looked like he was pretty depressed now, that was good. Especially because Niall seemed really happy now, he was still too pale, but he smiled while I just continued to talk some of his classmates, mostly girls, who asked me if I could fix a broken bracelet, so yeah, that's what I did, completely ignoring the time until the teacher walked in. MY teacher, not for this class now, but my last period. Oops.  
  
"Mr. Payne, what a pleasure, correct me if I'm mistaken but we should only see us for Biology in seven hours." While he talked, it had gotten quiet, everyone was sitting besides Niall, so I rubbed his shoulder a little, using the time that no one was watching and my teacher still talked to press a small kiss into his hair.  
  
"See you soon, babe. Love you." Only Niall heard me, I let go of him then, readjusting the strap over my shoulder to walk to the door again. "I'm really sorry, Sir, I didn't watch the time, I was just brining Niall to class."  
  
"Well then I suggest you hurry up now and I hope you haven't forgotten your homework." Well.  
  
"Of course not, sorry for interrupting." I winked at Niall through the classroom before really going outside, he still had a smile on his face, so that would keep me going for the day.  
  
I was late for my own class, since I didn't actually hurry up, because I didn't care too much about Arts class, so yeah.  
  
That day was rather eventless, by the way Harry flung himself at me in the hallway I could that he was still thankful for last night, but also he asked me about how Niall was, that was really nice, I liked when people cared about Niall. Louis joined too, when Harry had made sure to let go of me again, they seemed just as close as before, which was good, I had been scared I had screwed up last night but they were completely fine, maybe even more over each other than usually. Which was hard to tell by now.  
  
Hopefully Louis would talk to him soon, I really needed them to finally confess to their feelings for each other, I'd get a bunch of messages from Harry again this afternoon, I could already sense it. If they started dating it would mean they'd spend more time alone and I'd pretty much be on my own, at least for a while, but I was willing to sacrifice.  
  
Lunch was pretty much the same as always, just like all my other classes, except for my last class, I had expected my teacher to forget about the morning accident, because, why would he even care, but he came not only ten minutes to late, but he also only opened the door, scanning the room before his eyes stopped on me. "Liam, a word?"  
  
I obeyed, of course, thinking I was in trouble now even if I had no idea why that would be but as I pulled the door closed behind me and was immediately met by a hug I was only more confused. "Niall, what are you doing here, are you alright?"  
  
There was another teacher as well, I didn't know her but I suppose Niall had her in a subject or something. "I wanted to bring him to his brother, but he requested you."  
  
"What happened?" I swear to god, if anyone's picked on him again, I would lose my mind.  
  
Niall was still clinging to me, I got down now, despite the presence of the teachers to hug him back properly, he wasn't crying just shaking a little as I rubbed my palm between his shoulder blades. "Well, he threw up, I took him to the school nurse but his parents aren't picking up, and I can't send him home alone."  
  
"And you also can't take him Liam, I'm sorry, you'll have to wait until the end of this period." Great, this was just perfect.  
  
"Can he stay with me during class? I swear, he won't bother anyone." Then, because I remembered something, I kissed the side of Niall's head, talking to him now. "Ni, are you still sick? Do you think you have to throw up again?"  
  
"No, I'm better now…" He mumbled into my neck and I swallowed down a sigh, pulling away a little to press my hand against his forehead gently. Too hot.  
  
"I knew this would happen…" Of course, he had been out in the cold yesterday, for far too long, he was getting sick now, shit.  
  
"Liam? Did you hear what I said?" Right, the teachers.  
  
"Umm… I'm sorry." Not exactly, it was really bothering me that I couldn't take Niall home now, he obviously felt bad, holding onto me for his dear life.  
  
"You can bring him into class, it's alright, I know he won't cause any trouble." How would he even do that, had they looked at Niall.  
  
"Thank you, sir." It was the only right thing to do anyway, I don't think Niall would've even allowed me to leave him with someone else, I just picked him up with me since his arms were still around my neck.  
  
"Alright, Niall, you get better soon, okay?" His teacher smiled at me weakly before walking off, the situation was rather awkward, so I made sure to take Niall's backpack with me, feeling him tense as I stepped into the classroom again while my teacher held the door open for us.  
  
Immediately, of course, everyone's eyes were on me, even if I made sure to get back to my seat as quickly as possible. "Aww, isn't that Zayn's littler brother, what's wrong with him? Is he okay?"  
  
"Class, Liam can take care of our visitor perfectly fine so would you please get your books out everyone." I was really grateful for not having to answer anyone's questions, it's not that I was too nervous but I simply couldn't be bothered.  
  
While everyone else moaned and got their books out, I made sure to make Niall sit in my lap properly, even if he refused to even bring one centimeter distance between us. "Ni baby, if you get sick you gotta tell me, okay? Or if anything else is wrong, speak up immediately, yeah?"  
  
"Okay…but I'm better now. I'm just cold." He was whispering as well, luckily, so I took my jacket from the back of my chair, putting it over Niall since he curled up in my lap, making some girl next to me nearly die with adoration for Niall. Couldn't blame her.  
  
"Sleep a little if you want to." It was quiet enough to do so, I didn't know if my teacher let us read silently just for Niall however I was really grateful for that, also for not getting asked one question that I couldn't have answered anyway because I was busy worrying about Niall for the whole period.  
  
He slept in luckily, looking like a baby now, something that quite a few people, mostly girls, pointed out to me. So even though I had promised he wouldn't distract anyone and despite the fact that he was asleep, he made the teacher end the lesson five minutes early.  
  
"Okay, since everybody is spending their time looking at the back when they think I don't notice you're free to go now. Liam, take him home safe." I was actually glad that they just let me take care of him and trusted me this much, I would've expected that they'd tell Zayn and not me, but it probably was because of Niall being this stubborn.  
  
"Hey, Liam, do you need help with that?" As I looked up, some girls, who obviously only wanted to stare at Niall for a while, offered their help to get my stuff back into my bag without having to put Niall down or wake him up, I accepted, for his sake.  
  
It was still pretty weird to be walking through school while carrying a sleeping Niall, trying to find out what to do now, I didn't even know if he had a house key or where the hell Zayn was or how he even was expected to get home.  
  
"Liam? What are you doing?" Luckily I bumped right into Zayn outside of school, I was freezing my ass off now since Niall was wrapped up in my jacket to keep him warm, maybe I would've blushed at suddenly facing all of Zayn's friends staring at me, but my face was red from the cold already.  
  
"Niall's sick, his teacher brought him to me but umm… can you get him home?" Actually I didn't want to leave Niall with Zayn at all, but I should probably get home myself and I didn't even know how to handle him being sick, I could just hope Niall's parents wouldn't have to work late again.  
  
"Yeah, I guess… carry him to my car?" It didn't sound too happy, but I nodded instead of a sappy comment, waiting until Zayn had said goodbye to his friends before walking ahead of me through the parking lot.  
  
"You should call your mum or so if she's not home, you know, so she can take care of him." He should've known that himself, I was just making sure.  
  
"Yes, thank you so much." Zayn rolled his eyes, it came out pretty sarcastic as he opened the back door, motioning for me to put Niall inside.  
  
It wasn't hard getting him inside or even putting the seatbelt on after dropping his backpack on the empty seat, it got hard when Niall's eyes flattered open slowly, he was still half asleep, but he didn't look good at all. "Li…"  
  
"I'm here, babe. Zayn will take you home, okay?" I kissed his forehead, which was burning hot now, hoping he'd drift off again.  
  
"But… why can't you come too?" That's what I had been afraid of, that whiny voice, wanting me to come along, it's just I didn't know how long Zayn and me would last in each other's presence without snapping at each other, he was patiently waiting now but still, neither of us knew of to take care of a sick child, he needed his mum and most of all, sleep.  
  
"Look, I'll come over later, okay? I promise, Ni. But Zayn's gonna call your mum so you'll feel better and then you need to sleep, alright?" Niall didn't see the necessity in this, he was slightly pouting but nodding anyway, half asleep.  
  
"You promise?" Of course, he only cared about the first part.  
  
"Yeah, I always keep my promises, don't I?" He'd hopefully be asleep later but I'd come over anyway, now that I had promised and anyway, also because I couldn't last long without checking on him.  
  
"Yeah…" It didn't seem to satisfy him completely however he also let his eyes fall closed again, allowing me to stand up again by letting go of my shirt.  
  
As I closed the door carefully, I immediately started to feel bad now, it was just that despite everything, I still wanted to be the one to take him home, not Zayn, but I put those thoughts away. "Zayn… mind telling me how he's doing later or so?"  
  
"Fine, I will. Or I'll have my mum do it. See you then, I guess." Clearly, he was very annoyed by all of this, I really hoped I could trust him enough with this as I walked over to my own car, surprised that I didn't get run over by the lack of attention I payed to everyone else.  
  
Neither Louis nor Harry showed up, which was fine, I didn't spend a lot of them with them outside of school, yesterday had been an exception, even if they somehow tended to sometimes show up at my house completely uninvited and out of the blue, but yeah, my mum was glad at least.  
  
When I got home, she wasn't there, so I decided I could pretend that my thoughts weren't only revolving about worrying about Niall and fed my cat, watching him for a bit before realizing I should probably eat myself.  
  
It was a really bad friday afternoon, I was constantly staring at my phone, contemplating whether I should just call Niall's mum myself since Zayn had obviously decided that he didn't need to keep his words and I was losing my mind here. Hell, I didn't even know if Zayn had even informed his parents, maybe he had just left Niall all alone. But he would've called me then, right?  
  
Right when I decided that I could just drive over, my phone started vibrating, a really bad time as I had left it out of my sight for the first time in four hours, but I managed to pick up in time. "Yeah?"  
  
"Come over, Niall's woken up and he keeps asking for you and won't take any of the stuff mum told me to give him and he said he won't stop crying until you come." There was no 'please' or anything like that, Zayn sounded as if he was completely done with everything in his life while Niall kept yelling around in the background, something like 'I wanna talk to Liam, that's not fair, let me talk to him'.  
  
"Fifteen minutes." Was all I said, pretty relieved, or actually not really because Niall was fucking sick but nobody had bothered giving him medicine or anything, I would've payed money to know where his parents were all the freaking time.  
  
When I got there, Zayn had unlocked the door for me, maybe so he wouldn't have to come downstairs, because I heard the yells halfway up the stairs.  
  
"No, I won't swallow it, go away!"  
  
"Niall, you will take this, I don't care how long it will take!"  
  
"I want Liam, not you!"  
  
"Yeah, guess what, I'm not so happy about spending my day with you either, open your mouth."  
  
"No!"  
  
I hurried up at this, taking two steps at a time, because well, this was clearly escalating, I didn't like the fact that Niall told Zayn so openly he rather wanted me than him, but then again, no one was doing anything to stop that.  
  
"Finally…" Zayn was on the edge of Niall's bed, trying to force a spoon into his brother's mouth while Niall was kicking and screaming to get him to leave, both of them looking up as I entered the room.  
  
"Liam!" Niall used Zayn being distracted to jump up and run towards me, obviously wanting me to pick him up so I did it, automatically somehow.  
  
"How do you feel?" Really bad, considering his watery eyes, the pale face, and how hot his forehead was as he snuggled against my neck yet his fingers were ice cold.  
  
"Not good. Zayn wants me to take nasty stuff." I walked back to the bed, where Zayn looked like he would get up and shoot himself in the head any second but I sat down next to him nevertheless so Niall was in my lap now, keeping one arm around him because he was holding onto it.  
  
"What does he have to take?" This was really not the situation I wanted to be in, I should've called my own mum.  
  
"Here. There's more in the kitchen but since I couldn't make him take this I figured that bringing up even more wouldn't help." Yeah, well, Zayn was at least right with this one, he kept his distance to us, mostly because of me but probably also because Niall glared at him occasionally when he wasn't busy burying his face in my shirt and making me feel even worse for him.  
  
Since I didn't just want to give him anything and because I wasn't putting my trust in Zayn, I quickly read over the package, wanting to groan. "He's not even allowed to take a whole spoon of this or even take it at all, he for sure doesn't weigh 50kg, are you kidding me. How much does he weigh?"  
  
"How would I know, I think mum said 25 or so a while a ago, no idea, do you think I care just make him take this damn stuff." Zayn groaned at the question, I could tell he wanted to leave but he couldn't exactly just go without showing me what else Niall had to take.  
  
"That sounds bloody underweight if you ask me." I couldn't help but glare at Zayn since there was no one else around but he just shrugged while Niall was getting really impatient on my lap, he didn't interrupt us but he kept moving and making noises as if he wasn't fine at all. "Okay, Ni, you wanna change in other clothes and then we go downstairs, alright?"  
  
"I'll wait there, give me that." You could probably call it violent the way Zayn got the medicine out of my hand before leaving us alone, sighing deeply in frustration before doing so.  
  
Niall seemed alright with my idea, he was still wearing jeans from earlier in school and I couldn't imagine that it was very comfortable like this while being sick, so he allowed me to put him down as I went for a search for other clothes. His closet was a mess as well, I sometimes pulled out stuff to ask Niall if it was alright, but he only nodded at the fifth shirt and some pajama pants.  
  
"Are you cold?" After we were done changing and I had thought about how skinny he really was before I helped him putting on the new clothes, he wanted to snuggle up with me again, whining about how everything hurt and I sighed, why hadn't I managed to come here earlier, I should've known this would happen.  
  
"Yes…" I felt really bad for him, he was so poor and small, I wished I could've changed places with him.  
  
"Okay, one second." There were a hundred of things in Niall's bed, random blankets as well, so I just pulled one out from under the pile of stuffed animals and pillows, keeping Niall from climbing into my lap even if it made him pout but I had to put the blanket around his shoulders. "Better?"  
  
After he nodded, I looked at him for a second, deciding that he was too cute to resist, so I pressed a few kisses into his face until Niall giggled and complained that I was tickling him, which made me smile, even if he only cheered up for a little bit, it was still an achievement.  
  
"Let's go downstairs, come here. You wanna take one of those?" I was referring to the stuffed animals, he thought about it for a second before taking the unicorn I had bought, stretching his arms out towards me so I could pick him up again.  
  
Just because I knew that Niall would pretend to be mad, I didn't point out that he was really cute wrapped up in the blanket and with his head on my shoulder, but it was the truth, even if I would stay the only one in this house with those thoughts since Zayn seemed even more annoyed when we came to the kitchen.  
  
"What the hell was taking you so long? Here's everything my mum said he should take, if you wanna read the packaging again." Trust me, I would, even if Zayn couldn't have been more sarcastic, kept on texting as I placed Niall on the counter, doing exactly what Zayn had expected me to.  
  
I was relieved to find out that this time the stuff was alright, at least I hoped so, I was too protective, I know, I was almost about to google all of it. "Babe, you gotta take this, okay? Please? For me? It's gonna make you feel better, I promise."  
  
"Do I have to?" Niall was sucking his bottom lip in, making big eyes at me, almost as if he knew that I couldn't resist this face, but I sighed this time, nodding.  
  
"Just take the damn-"  
  
I cut Zayn off as he was about to yell from the back, he was really close to losing it now. "Yeah, I'm sorry, I know it doesn't taste so good, but we can watch TV afterwards, okay?"  
  
So Niall took all of it without any complainant, his face scrunched up a bit, but he was doing fine after I told him that I was really proud of him, making him smile and even Zayn seemed surprised by this, his expression consisted of mixed feelings now, I had no idea what he was thinking right now, I also didn't really want to know.  
  
"Good job, Ni, what do you wanna do now? Do you want something to eat? Or I can make you tea." Pretty positive he would say no, he looked like he'd pass out any second as he rubbed his eyes sleepily, leaning against me while I was just holding him, occasionally keeping his hair from falling into his eyes or kissing his head.  
  
"No… can we watch TV now?" I felt no need to ask for permission so I nodded, still getting Niall something to drink because I've heard that you should stay hydrated when you're sick.  
  
"Zayn, you don't have to stay, I got this." Actually, I really wanted him out of here now, because all he did was being in a bad mood and sometimes getting mad at Niall for being sick which bothered me, also because I couldn't yell at him or tell him to fuck off in front of Niall.  
  
"Yeah, well, I still live here, you know." Probably he wanted to throw me out, but then he'd be alone with a crying Niall so I guess I was still better than that.  
  
I just shrugged, because I honestly didn't care, we left him in the kitchen, Niall seemed pretty happy now when I cuddled with him on the couch, he occasionally whined about something hurting, but when I hugged him closer it seemed to be forgotten.  
  
"How was school today by the way? After I left?" There was some kids show on that none of us really watched, Niall was in my lap, properly tugged in because I couldn't help it, sorting the fur of his stuffed unicorn out.  
  
"It was good. Everybody asked me about you in the breaks and they were really jealous and nobody was mean to me. But then I got sick and my teacher wanted to take me to Zayn but he wouldn't have taken me into class like you." Yeah, he probably wouldn't have, I felt bad after Niall's voice got a little sad, so I ran my fingers through his hair softly as he leaned against my chest.  
  
"I'm sure he would've. But it's okay, I don't mind taking care of you, you can always come to me if you feel bad, you know." He did already, with everything, the football thing for example, for which I still hadn't found a solution.  
  
"I wish you were my brother…" No, no, this was really wrong.  
  
"No, Niall, Zayn's your brother, okay? He loves you a lot, even if he sometimes yells or if you're mad at him, but you still mean a lot to him. He even stayed here today, because you're sick, didn't he?" If I continued telling him so many lies at once then I would start doubting myself, I swear, I wish Zayn would help me proving my point a little but we hadn't seen him in half an hour.  
  
"Yeah… but you always have time for me and he doesn't." This was heartbreaking, I felt Niall cuddle into me tighter, tightening my arms a little in return.  
  
"Well, Zayn has a lot of friends, you know, and a girlfriend as well, he's really busy, he doesn't do it to hurt you." And he was an ass, but yeah, couldn't say that.  
  
"But you have friends as well and they're really nice." I suppose the reason why he liked Harry and Louis was because Harry was somehow a child himself and Louis had a guinea pig at home plus he knew how to talk to Niall because of his sisters.  
  
"They think you're nice as well, Ni. Harry even asked me about you today at school." Hopefully we got away from the topic Zayn now, because I wasn't really keen on speaking of him as if we actually liked each other or as if I respected how he acted.  
  
"I asked him if he told Louis that he loves him and he laughed and said that he would keep thinking about him in the shower first. What does that mean?" It meant that I would have to slap Harry.  
  
"I have no idea. Harry is really weird, but he's funny. And he showed you a guinea pig, that's something, right?" Please, anything so he wouldn't ask me more about Harry thinking about Louis in the shower, god, he should've never heard such thing.  
  
"Yeah…I've only seen one in the zoo but only once but Harry let me stroke it and it was really cute." Zoo… I should take Niall to the zoo when he got better.  
  
"Well, better not let Loki hear that or he will be really jealous." I tickled Niall slightly as he looked at me, seriously worried as it seemed, but he giggled, making me smile. "It was just a joke, Ni."  
  
"I know that!" He pouted a little, obviously he had not known that but it was fine because he put his head down on my shoulder again and even agreed to drink a little bit after I offered him the glass for the fifth time.  
  
Niall slept in at some point, luckily, he needed to rest, and it was really adorable because he was snuggling both me and his stuffed unicorn, one hand near his face twisted in my shirt. I think I had smiled down at him really stupidly as I rearranged the blanket around his curled up body, maybe that's why I couldn't hear Zayn coming in and looking at me weirdly, but nervous as well somehow.  
  
"Is he asleep?" Actually I had thought he had left, so it took me by surprise and I just nodded, forgetting to be mad for a moment. "Look, I… I need to talk to you."  
  
"Okay?" This was the last thing I had expected to happen, but Zayn was being serious, he dropped himself at the other end of the couch, muting the TV but keeping his eyes on the screen as he sighed.  
  
"I'm sorry, it's my fault that he's sick." True, I hadn't thought about this yet, but yeah, that gave me another reason to be pissed off.  
  
"Well, you don't have to apologize to ME." At least I had an excuse to stay here now without making it weird.  
  
"But you're the one who fixes everything that I mess up." I was more than just confused, I had never expected Zayn to be GUILTY.  
  
"I'm not doing it for you, though. You could help a little in trying to make Niall believe that you actually care about him because it's getting hard to make up excuses for you." He could know that I wasn't an asshole, I cursed him in my mind but I would never mention it to Niall.  
  
"I know… I heard what you said before. After he said he wishes you were his brother instead." Zayn gulped, Niall hadn't said INSTEAD, but we both know that that's what he meant so I stayed quiet, watching Niall's face as he slept. "I'm not good with kids."  
  
"I noticed that." It didn't sound as sarcastic as I wanted it to, I felt bad now, because even though Zayn had acted like a jerk, at least he realized it.  
  
"Yeah, but that's only part of why I'm doing this. Niall's supposed to not rely on me or even like me, so I'm really glad that he's got you instead." What the hell.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Why wouldn't he want Niall to like him, it was like saying you wanted a puppy to be afraid of you, that was insane.  
  
"Look… when Niall and me were younger, we never got along but it was just bantering, right? But … have you noticed how much our parents are gone?" I sat up a little more straight now, careful not to disturb Niall's sleep.  
  
"Yeah?" Zayn refused to look at me, he watched Niall for a bit before staring at something else.  
  
"It's because they started fighting really badly, two years ago. Niall was really scared because they were so loud and yelling and stuff, that's why he always comes to me, still, when something happens. Because I used to actually manage and be a nice brother for a while, but the fights got only worse. I told my parents they couldn't fight so much because Niall was so little, so that's why they're never at home. They work, all the time, because they don't want to see each other. Or they go out with friends, no idea what they are doing, but they're hardly at home at the same time for that matter." Oh.  
  
"But… what has that to do with you and Niall?" Shouldn't he be there even MORE for Niall instead?  
  
"They're getting divorced, Liam, that's the problem. And Niall's gonna stay with mum because his and dad's relationship is completely messed up but I wanna live with dad. If I really tried to be a good big brother, he'd be fucking devastated if I left. Besides that, I'd never be as good at this as you are." Even though he smiled now, sadly, my mouth was dropped open as I tried to grasp what he had just told me.  
  
"I… I'm sorry… I had no idea, really, if I had known, I… I wouldn't have judged you so hard. I'm sorry, Zayn, really." Shit, I didn't feel as bad for Zayn as I felt for Niall though, he loved both Zayn and his dad, he'd be broken.  
  
"It's fine, I really am an ass sometimes. Like, it wasn't part of my plan to forget him last night but I did. And sometimes… god, he really can be annoying, can't he?" Even though Zayn laughed and it probably was a joke, I just rolled my eyes.  
  
"Actually, no." I loved this kid to death, I couldn't even take a little joke about this now, but at least Zayn wasn't mad.  
  
"Sorry. See, that's why I'm saying it's good that he's got you. And he really loves you so much, he's always bugging me about how great you are even if I, don't take it personally, don't give a shit. But anyway, I just wanted you to know, we used to be friends some time ago as well and you shouldn't think I'm a complete asshole." At least now I didn't feel guilty anymore for all the lies I told Niall about his brother, that was a beginning I guess.  
  
"Yeah, but that was a long, long time ago." I smirked when Zayn rolled his eyes, we wouldn't become friends again, we both knew it, but I think I could tolerate him now. "Sorry, if I shouldn't ask but… did your parents tell you when… you know…-"  
  
"When they'll get divorced? Yeah, before Christmas. My dad can start his new job next year, so yeah, me and him will move about an hour away. You'll take care of Niall, right? Promise?" The 'Promise?' at the end made me listen up because Niall also made me promise everything I said.  
  
"Yeah, promise." We smiled at each other for a second, until we both noticed it was fucking awkward, so I cleared my throat and stared at the floor instead and Zayn quickly stood up.  
  
"Right, I have a date now. With my girlfriend. Sorry, you probably don't care, but I just  thought it sounded like I'm cheating. But no. Anyway, I have to go. Tell Niall that…" For a second, I thought he would never finish the sentence, but he actually leaned down, kissing the top of Niall's head. "That I lo- … that it was an emergency. He probably won't ask anyway, but yeah."  
  
"Alright, I'll tell him that you love him." Zayn looked shocked for a second but then he calmed down, nodding before nearly leaving, but I remembered something. "Wait, umm… Niall told me that… well, he hates football practice and you know… could you talk to your parents about it? I… I don't think I should do that and Niall thinks they'll be mad at him." Zayn could at least do that, right? If he got along with his dad so well he'd be able to convince him.  
  
"I'll try, okay?" I nodded, relieved, because it seemed like he'd really plan on doing it so I let him walk out this time, hearing the front door not five minutes later.  
  
For a second, I thought about how sad this whole story actually was, but then again, if Zayn would stay here, if he and Niall got along better, I wouldn't play such an important role in Niall's life, which was a really scary thought. I needed him as well, he gave me something to do, because he loved me and he relied on me and I enjoyed being with him and taking care of him, I wouldn't give this up for anything.  
  
"Li?" Niall started stirring soon after Zayn had left, he yawned before looking up at me with a really sleepy face, that I couldn't help but kiss after having such weird emotional thoughts.  
  
"Are you okay? Should we go see what we find to eat?" He nodded gratefully, wrapping his arms around my neck as a very obvious sign that I should carry him, it made me smile, because, well, had he really thought I'd let him walk.  
  
\-------  
  
"Lou, I really don't wanna share a room with you and Harry, for the last time." I couldn't believe they had even suggested that, were they fucking insane, just because Harry was scared he wouldn't be able to stop himself from crawling into Louis' bed at night and because Louis would probably not be able to control his feelings any longer and wake him up with a poem or something.  
  
"Single rooms are expensive, Li." The sad thing was, I had still not managed to make them admit their feelings for each other, and it was only like ten days until Christmas.  
  
"I think my mum can afford it, thanks for the nice offer." Of course, my mum had found the idea brilliant, so now I'd spend a week of my break with Louis, Harry, my mum and Harry's mum and sister, all of that only because Harry's stepdad was somewhere off for work.  
  
"You could do something for me for once, you know, I came to the damn zoo with you and Niall." Of course, he hadn't minded it, he was more thrilled than me.  
  
"You only came because Harry said he'd come too." He and Niall were actually looking at the zebras now, while Louis and me had fallen behind ever since Niall suggested him and Harry could play catch, but I could still keep an eye on them since they weren't that far away.  
  
"That's not true. I would've come either way because I love Niall." Everybody loved him. But the mentioning of his name made me sigh, there was a good reason why we were in the zoo today, Zayn had told me that his parents would break it to Niall in the evening, they had already signed the papers but his dad would completely move out during the next week, get his stuff out and so, and Zayn would move to him after winter break.  
  
"Thank you so much, Louis. Why don't you grow some balls and tell Harry instead of bothering me. Or ask his sister if she wants to share a room with you." Harry's sister was nineteen and could probably think of a hundred things she would rather do than share a room with Louis and Harry.  
  
"Gemma could share a room with Harry. And you and me could-"  
  
"No, Louis. He's gonna kill me and besides, maybe I don't WANT to share a room with you? Either of you." I had given up a week ago, and told Louis how Harry continued to text me every day about him, how he wanted me to talk to him and know every single word that came out of Louis' mouth. But I could exactly tell him that 'Louis loves you back but he doesn't know yet if he maybe wants to move away after high school so he'll never make a move.'. So that's why it was in my interest that they shared a room as well. And that Louis would man up.  
  
"Fuck you, Li. That's not fair, it's gonna be SO hard to-"  
  
"If it's so hard then just give in, how about that? The longer you wait the shorter the time you get to spend with him if you really do go. You'll regret not telling him sooner, trust me." With that I fastened my steps, because I had suddenly realized that Harry was not holding Niall up so he could pet the zebra but because he was making a 'joke' and pretending to throw him in the cage.  
  
"Harry, Harry, no, let me go!" Niall was laughing half of the time, but then it sounded serious again, he was kicking his feet, but Harry was still stronger than him, not putting him down.  
  
"But you told me that you wondered what it would feel like to sit on one." He wouldn't really do that… would he?  
  
"Haz, maybe we should not feed Niallers to the zebras today?" As I came up behind them, Harry turned around smirking, he was still holding Niall who immediately started moving even more when he saw me, so much Harry was forced to let go at some point.  
  
"Liam, Harry wanted to throw me inside!" He came running up to me, with pink cheeks, pretty breathless as well as I pulled him into my arms and picked him up.  
  
"Well, Harry also won't get any cotton candy later, he's probably jealous of you." I faintly remembered Niall's mum telling me that I needed to stop feeding him so many sweets since he barely ate anything for dinner anyway, but I couldn't help myself and besides he was so skinny, I always thought that putting some weight on wouldn't hurt. Even if that didn't happen, because he was light as a feather now in my arms, like always.  
  
"Louis will buy me cotton candy. Right Louis?" He had caught up as well now, looking at Harry's hopeful face before breaking out into laughter.  
  
"Haven't you got your own money, Harry?" Niall was satisfied with thinking he was the only one who got some, he put his head onto my shoulder, a little tired since we had been here for an hour already and Harry somehow didn't know that Niall was eleven years old and didn't cut back while playing catch.  
  
"Yeah, whatever." Neither of us could believe it, but Harry actually stomped off, pissed off, probably because Louis had been spending most of the day walking next to me, which probably also was why Niall was so clingy now, it seemed that both of them had some jealousy issues. Including me, I know Niall had been polite asking Harry to catch him, because I had been in a conversation, but still.  
  
"What did I say?" Louis sighed, but he started running after Harry anyway. "Wait up, I didn't mean it!"  
  
"Are they mad at each other now?" Niall didn't like fighting, he also had a really good reason for that and it reminded me once again that this day was for him and not for discussing my friends' love problems.  
  
"No, they're just teasing each other a little, they'll be fine again, you'll see." I kissed his cheek to calm him down as he lifted his head again. "So now, did Harry let you stroke the zebra or did he just want to feed you to them?"  
  
"Do you really think they would eat me?" He pulled his hand back immediately, making me laugh because this was really sweet.  
  
"I don't think you'd taste so good, babe. You have to touch the nose, it's really soft. See?" Since Niall didn't attempt to move, I showed him before taking his hand to do the same, he pulled back a little but trusted me in the end.  
  
"I liked the bunnies more." Niall liked everything that was small and fluffy so that didn't surprise me at all.  
  
"Yeah, me too. You're my little bunny, Ni, you're just as cute." As I was about to put him down again after he laughed about me calling him that, he protested, holding onto my jacket.  
  
"Can I stay with you for a while? I like Harry, but I like you a lot more. But don't tell him, okay?" All of a sudden he seemed to regret saying that, but I didn't, because I liked hearing stuff like this, I also liked that Louis and Harry loved Niall but still, I wanted to be the number one, it was childish, but I couldn't help it.  
  
"I won't tell him, Nialler, promise. I like you more too and yeah, of course you stay with me, I don't feel like talking to Louis anymore anyway." Which was true, in fact I liked him so much I was about to ask my mum if we could take him along for the trip in two weeks as well, I didn't wanna leave him alone just after the thing with his parents and Zayn, but I had yet to ask.  
  
He smiled really big, showing the whole that one of his teeth had left last week, it had been complete torture to get it out, not only for Niall but also my ears. "Can we go see the fish later?"  
  
"Anything you want, Ni. If you get hungry or thirsty you just tell me, yeah?" Like always, we worked out pretty good by now.  
  
Niall allowed me to put him down then, but he held onto my hand really tightly, which was a good idea because I didn't want to lose him and because I could warm up his since it was getting cold, there was no snow yet but Niall was wearing a beanie, one that made him look impossibly cuter than he already was.  
  
Louis and Harry disappeared for a while, if I didn't know better I'd say they had sneaked off to make out, maybe they talked, which would be a really good idea and overdue as well. I just hoped that Louis wouldn't actually buy Harry cotton candy now and came back to us with it because that would make Niall pout really badly.  
  
For a while, it was only me and Niall, I enjoyed that, he started talking about random things like always, telling me about how school was so much better ever since I randomly showed up during both our breaks and how he had gotten an A after I helped him studying even though he had already told me that three times. We also talked about the dinner he had had last night and then about Loki, I don't know what Niall's fascination was with my cat, but somehow we always came to that topic.  
  
"You know what would be really cool?" I was helping Niall to stand on a rock so he could look down into the lion cage, which made him almost the same height as me so I put my arms around his stomach to keep him from falling.  
  
"What?" His ideas were a little bizarre sometimes, I expected something really weird to come, not listening too well as I leaned my cheek against his head.  
  
"If you could come over at Christmas as well." Oh. This had exactly been my mum's plan, since Niall's mum wasn't doing good lately, because of the divorce and all, we'd go over at Christmas eve to be with Niall, Zayn and their mum, but I wasn't allowed to tell him.  
  
"Yeah… that would be really cool." I didn't know what else to say so I agreed, pretending I didn't know anything either, but it got me really sad because Niall wouldn't be spending this Christmas like he thought he would. "I love you a lot, Ni, you know that, right?"  
  
"Yes, why?" Just making sure.  
  
"I don't know, I just wanted to tell you." To brighten the mood, I kissed his cheek until he started giggling, telling me to back off because I was tickling him, he even put his hand over my mouth while still laughing, but I just blew raspberries into his palm before hugging him tightly to my chest, pretending to be sad. "Don't you love me too?"  
  
"Yes, I do. I love you more if we go look at the fish now, I'm a bit scared of the lions." Niall's mood was perfect again now, I held his hand as he jumped down from the rock, swinging our arms between us when he kept up chattering about stuff.  
  
Much to my surprise, we ran into Louis and Harry on our way, I quickly made eye contact with Louis to make sure they were fine, but he nodded, none of them looking like they had just been in a fight at all.  
  
"Niall, I bet I could beat you to that fat woman down there." Yeah, Harry had still not learned to watch his words.  
  
"Harry, language." I scolded, but he rolled his eyes at me while Louis held back laughter, way too amused by this, but I was being serious, they needed to stop swearing and using words like this in front of Niall.  
  
"No, I stay with Liam now." He shook his head, not even thinking of letting go of me, which made me remember what he had said before.  
  
"Maybe he would've said yes if you would've described her as slightly obese lady." Alright, this was what I hated about Louis and Harry making up after a fight, they had each others back suddenly, and it mostly went all against me.  
  
"No." Niall said again, it was my turn to laugh now because it came out so dry, as if he actually understood what this was about.  
  
"Aww, too bad." I pulled Niall along, not caring too much whether they'd come along or not, maybe it would've been better if they didn't.  
  
Which would never happen, so it was four of us again, even if Niall kept holding my hand and spoke mostly to me and Louis threw his arm around Harry's shoulder, making him nearly jump up and down while I tried not to roll my eyes at this, he was leading him on, I hated it. But every time I brought it up it was just like 'But Liam, it's so hard to stay away' and then I'd get text messages from Harry like 'Louis kissed my cheek what do you think that means'. So yeah.  
  
They also had fun looking at the fish, not as much as Niall did though, he pulled me along, hardly stopping enough to even look at them properly but he was so fascinated, mostly because the last time he had been to a zoo had been four years ago, with me also actually, but he could barely remember it.  
  
"Look at this one, Li!" It wasn't that interesting, but I got down a little anyway to be closer to Niall's height and see what he was pointing at while he was holding my arm in place where it was around his stomach.  
  
"Do you mean the weird yellow one, Ni? It looks a bit like Liam don't you think." Of course, now Louis cracked jokes to make Harry laugh hysterically, it worked, five people turned around to glare at him. No one ever glared at me though, because they saw Niall and then they fell in love, simple as that. "I wonder if it also would correct my grammar all the time."  
  
"No, it doesn't look like Liam at all, that's really mean." Niall protested, making me smile, I wasn't mad at Louis, I knew why he was saying all this shit but Niall could get really worked up, especially if it was something against me.  
  
"Woah, all's good, I was just kidding, Liam knows that, right?" He was about to put his arm around my shoulder as I stood back up, but Niall didn't seem to think so because he made sure to pull me along by my hand before it could happen, much to Harry's pleasure as well.  
  
Louis had to pay for it by being ignored by Niall for the next ten minutes, he tried to make it up, make him laugh, but it didn't work which I found fucking hilarious, it was only fair. Plus I was the one who all of Niall's attention belonged to now, maybe he thought I had gotten hurt by Louis' words or something, but he glared at Louis every once in a while and continued to hug my arm and pressing kisses onto it over my jacket.  
  
"Louis." So that's why I was pretty surprised when he said Louis' name all of a sudden, not looking at him though even if Louis turned, happy that Niall had forgiven him, but his face fell quickly.  
  
"Who are you talking to, Ni, Louis is behind you." He was staring into a water tank, at a really big, ugly fish, tapping the glass a little, really, that one would've made a way better joke.  
  
 And Niall had obviously thought exactly the same. "Oh. I got confused because they look so alike."  
  
Harry nearly died, he tried to hold it back, for Louis, but in the end he had to go outside because he was laughing so hard, I was having trouble as well, making Niall happy because I knew how much he liked it when I found his jokes funny, well he had never managed to bring tears to my eyes before.  
  
"Fine, Niall, I get it now, you're mad at me." Louis rolled his eyes, I didn't pay much attention to him pouting though, I just leaned down to Niall while still laughing, picking him up.  
  
"I love you, Ni." I told him while carrying him out after Harry since this had been the last fish, trying to stop laughing which made Niall giggle as well, he put his arms around my neck, cuddling close.  
  
"Don't be sad because of Louis, okay?" Aww, he was so sweet, I would've long forgotten about it by now, even if Harry was still having a hard time calming down now and all, but Niall was very concerned about me, he looked at me, really serious as well.  
  
"I'm not, Ni bug, thank you." He smiled again after I kissed his forehead, wanting to break out into laughter again because Harry was about to throw up now or something, maybe because Louis was coming after us now, looking a bit pissed off but trying to look like it didn't bother him.  
  
"Alright, Harold, we can calm down now, it wasn't that funny." Niall held on tighter to me as Louis threw a look at him, I knew that he wasn't mad at him or would ever say anything, but Niall didn't.  
  
"Y-Yes it w-was!" Harry choked out, it seemed like it had just caused him to laugh even harder or something, I don't know, I was suddenly scared about his healthiness.  
  
"Well, guess who I'm not buying any cotton candy." It was funny because the same things that worked for Niall did for Harry as well, he tried really hard to keep it together now, making Louis sigh because we all knew what he would be buying in a few minutes.  
  
"I guess I deserved it." True.  
  
"You did." To my surprise Niall agreed, trying to, I don't know, press himself closer into me as Louis looked at me, it didn't work obviously, because I was holding him.  
  
"And you…" For a moment, Niall got really scared, I felt him tense up, about to tell Louis to stop and back off as he was coming closer.  
  
"Lou-"  
  
All he did was poking Niall's tummy, laughing because Niall reacted immediately, if there was one thing that made him giggle it was tickling. "Sorry for being mean to your Liam, forgive me?"  
  
"I'll think about it." It didn't even sound close to serious, I knew he wasn't but Louis only smiled weakly, which I understood too well, it was horrible if Niall was mad at someone, so that's why I always made sure it wouldn't happen to me.  
  
We all did go buy cotton candy, I bought one for Niall, getting a very sloppy and sticky kiss on the cheek and Louis bought some for Harry, rolling his eyes as if it wasn't a big deal but I could tell that he was enjoying the hug he received and also how Harry said they could share. Mostly because he wanted Louis to sit next to him probably.  
  
Niall heard that, because about ten seconds later he sat up properly after leaning into me to look at me. "Li, do you want some?"  
  
So I said yes, even if I didn't like cotton candy but Niall seemed as if he desperately wanted to share with me as well because the other two did it, so yeah, anything for him.  
  
Since I had been given a time when to bring Niall back, we left an hour later, Louis had spent the past thirty minutes to try and get on a friendly level with Niall again, but he was only clinging to me now, hardly paying any attention. It happened a lot, when he got tired and wanted to cuddle, but I wasn't so sure if Louis knew that as well. "Ni, maybe you should tell Louis that you're not mad at him anymore, I think he'll be sad otherwise."  
  
Niall nodded, understanding, but he didn't let go of my hand, instead he pulled me over to where Louis and Harry were walking, simply slipping his free hand into Louis'. "I- oh. Well, you okay, Niall?"  
  
I saw the smile on his face because of this, squeezing Niall's hand to tell him that this had been a good idea, he just yawned, nodding at Louis' question. "You have to hold Harry's hand too."  
  
"Yeah, you should, or he'll be left out of this." This was not at all awkward, but even if Harry tried to talk himself out of it with 'Nah, I'm fine, thanks', Louis found it hilarious, taking his hand anyway while we walked back to my car. I could see Harry blushing worse than ever before even though it was getting dark.  
  
Since we had all come with one car, my mum's car to be exact, I thought I'd be the one driving us all back as well, but Niall got really whiny, not wanting me to sit so far away from him, so Louis ended up driving, to make it up to Niall and also because no one was able to see Niall sad. He was pretty happy with this solution, napping in my lap during the drive, not even bothered by Harry and Louis singing to every damn song on the radio from the front.  
  
"Can you go to the door with me?" When we arrived at Niall's house, he didn't hesitate to put on his saddest face, normally he always begged me to stay a little longer or to not drop him off yet but he knew that his parents wanted to talk to him, I hated this, I was probably more nervous than them.  
  
"Of course, come on. Guys, I'll be back in a second." They'd be able to see me anyway, so they just nodded, not really paying any attention to me as we got out of the car.  
  
"Bye, Ni. Hope you had fun with us." Louis was really happy now after Niall had held his hand since he didn't do it too often with the other two and Harry only waved back to Niall before I closed the door, stretching my hand out towards him.  
  
"Was it good?" I asked when we walked up to the front door, referring to the whole day, I hoped it was good because I needed him to know that I was still gonna be there for him after whatever they told him today, and Louis and Harry as well.  
  
"Yeah." He seemed happy, a little down and tired but not too bad overall, hopefully this would all end good. "Li?"  
  
"Hm?" I rang the doorbell while Niall refused to let go of my hand, he was actually holding it with both of his, playing around, halftime leaning into me.  
  
"Can we hang out again soon? Tomorrow? Please?" It would actually be a good idea, like, there was a great chance he'd be pissed off or mad at his parents, maybe I could calm him down a little. Actually, I wished I could be there as well, but it was a family thing like, I couldn't interrupt in everything.  
  
"I'll call your mum tomorrow, okay?" Even if she mostly said yes, thankful as well, we still had to ask.  
  
"Okay." Niall was happy for now, it nearly made me smile. Nearly.  
  
When his mum opened the door her face wasn't really what you call calm, our eyes met for a second, she knew that Zayn had told me and that I had asked my mum about it as well, but all she had told me when I came over to pick Niall up today had been that I shouldn't tell him anything. So yeah. "Hey, boys, how was it, Ni?"  
  
"Really good, can I hang out with Liam again tomorrow?" Of course, he wouldn't wait for anyone to call.  
  
"We'll see okay, now get inside, dinner's almost ready." They'd tell him over dinner?  
  
Niall nodded, but he let go of me to wrap his arms around me, pressing his face into my shirt as I caressed his back a little, leaning down to kiss the top of his head. "We'll see us soon, Ni, all's good."  
  
"I know. Thank you, Li." I felt how he hesitated before pulling away, he hated saying goodbye about as much as I did, especially today.  
  
"You're welcome." More than welcome, I watched him slip past his mum and disappear inside, holding my hand up to say goodbye, but she didn't close the door just yet.  
  
"Liam, one second please…" Well, not hard to figure out what this was about. "Would you mind if we called you later in case this is not gonna go like expected? He loses his temper really quickly and you seem to be the only one he wants whenever something happens."  
  
"No, it's fine, just call me anytime, okay? I can also come over if necessary." In fact, I WANTED to, I spent way too much time here anyway.  
  
"Alright, thank you a lot, also for today. And tell your friends as well." She had looked past me to do car, it was hard to overhear the music coming from inside.  
  
"I will… good luck and… I'm sorry." No idea what I was saying, it seemed appropriate somehow, but I had no experience in reacting to a divorce and having to tell your kids, sure, my parents had gotten divorced but I had been 15 and it hadn't exactly come out of the blue.  
  
"Thank you, Liam." At least she seemed to appreciate it before closing the door, leaving me alone to walk back to the car.  
  
"Liam, they're not gonna kill him." Harry turned the radio down luckily as Louis started the car again as I got in, I had told them about the whole thing, even if no one got why it was such a big deal.  
  
"I know it's just… I wish they'd let me stay as well, I don't know… his dad can be a little harsh. And Zayn as well." Even if Zayn had talked to me about the whole thing, things had not gotten better between him and Niall, I knew the reason but that didn't mean that it didn't upset Niall. The only good thing to come out of this had been that Niall had been allowed to quit football practice.  
  
"Well, I will miss the parties." Louis sighed, immediately correcting himself as I glare at him through the mirror. "I mean, it's really sad for Niall and all but we haven't been good friends with Zayn, so… it doesn't hurt me personally."  
  
"Yeah, me neither. But it's still kinda tragic and I'm worried." Not about Zayn exactly, obviously.  
  
"He'll be fine, Li. Call us if anything happens?" It was nice to have them as my friends because they seemed to honestly care, that's also why I put up with all of their problems, because they had my back in return as well. Even if I kinda had broken Harry's trust, but it'd pay off in the end, if everything went like I had it planned, Louis would soon give in.  
  
\-------  
  
After Louis had driven to Harry's house and decided that he needed to stay there for a little longer (yeah…), I got in the front seat myself to go back home, turning my phone on again because it had been on silent, I didn't wanna miss if anyone called me now, there was nothing good going to come out of this, I felt it.  
  
My mum was worked up as well, she had been for a while now, because of this, I had been a little pissed off since she had known it all along and not said one word, but I guess it was none of my business after all. Even if somehow it was now, after everything that had happened. "Mum, if you hear anything can you tell me? Because of Niall."  
  
"Of course. I talked to Maura before you came, they haven't told him yet." Good god could they just hurry up and get it over with and stop fucking procrastinating, it was bad enough they only told him the week it would happen.  
  
"Alright, thanks." I picked Loki up on my way upstairs, it was kinda calming to have him with me, and Niall loved him as well so that was a plus.  
  
Since it was a saturday, I had nothing to do, it was only six thirty pm and I had no school work to do as it was so close to Christmas break already, only one week left.  
  
That's why I did what I always did when Niall, Harry and Louis were unavailable to hang out with, lie in my bed with only sweatpants on and praying that my phone wouldn't ring this time. Unless it was for Harry and Louis telling me they wanted me to be the best man for their wedding, I'd make an exception for this one.  
  
For two hours or so, maybe less, my wish came true, I nearly slept in twelve times even if I had promised myself to at least stay up until midnight, so I tried to stay up with watching YouTube videos now, it worked, to some extend, until my mother ignored my need for privacy and bursted into my room without knocking while I was shirtless on my bed.  
  
"Mum, you-"  
  
"Get dressed and come downstairs, quick." This didn't sound good, before I could ask what happened, she had disappeared again, talking to someone on the phone and I could only guess that it was really bad.  
  
Shit, this had been determined to go fucking all the way wrong, they hadn't even bothered calling me first, I wish Zayn would've at least texted me or something, then I wouldn't be struggling now to find a shirt that made me look a little bit less as if I was dressed for bed.  
  
I managed to get downstairs in less than five minutes, really nervous now to hear what I was about to, my mum seemed really stressed about something, but she had hung up the phone. "What the hell happened?!"  
  
"I'll tell you in the car, hurry up a little." God, why couldn't she tell me, I was pretty sure that I cared more about Niall than she did, because if this was just something about his mum and dad, no one would've bothered getting me into this.  
  
"I am hurrying up!" No one could blame me for getting a little aggressive now, I didn't even put on a jacket and risked freezing to death as we went outside to the car. "Can you please talk to me? Where are we going? To Niall's-"  
  
"No, the police station, and don't freak out now please, no one got hurt." THEN WHY?  
  
"Did he go missing, tell me, I-"  
  
"Yes, Liam, but he's there and he's safe, alright?" Well he couldn't be fucking SAFE if we had to go there as well, why hadn't they told us before, they must've noticed that Niall had run the fuck away.  
  
My mum refused to talk to me on the way, she pretended that she had to focus on the street, not allowing me to drive because she probably expected me to run every red light, damn right. I don't know if it was appropriate to tear up, but I did anyway, while staring out of the window, hoping the tears wouldn't spill over. It was just, I care so much about Niall and I had been able to do exactly nothing, I felt guilty, for not being able to help, I promised him all the time I'd always be there and now that it was really important, I wasn't.  
  
We arrived, way too late if you ask me, I could've brought us there in half the time. Niall's dad was outside the police station, smoking, maybe to calm down I don't know, I just rushed past him, pretending I hadn't seen just to nearly bump into Zayn, another face I hadn't been looking for. "Zayn, what happened?"  
  
"Come on, I'll tell you." First I was confused why he pulled me away, but it probably was because his mother was crying in a chair over there and my mum rushed to talk to her, but WHERE THE HELL WAS NIALL?!  
  
"Where's Ni-"  
  
"He's in that room over there, with some police officers. Look, my parents told him the thing about the divorce and he didn't take it well at all. He kept screaming around and throwing stuff so they told him to go to his room and calm down. Well, about an hour later we got a call from the police that some couple had found him alone in the park and called the pol-"  
  
"Wait, wait, nobody noticed he was missing?!" This was even worse, I would've gone off to see Niall myself and convince myself that he was alright, but Zayn wouldn't let me, he just sighed.  
  
"No. I was in my room and my parents were in their room fighting again, he easily slipped out of the house. And now he refuses to talk to all of us, dad especially, my mum is too worked up to go in and well… I just tried my luck but he nearly kicked me. He also won't talk to the police officers about what happened so yeah, they can't let us take him home like that, he also made it clear that he doesn't want to." So that's why I was here.  
  
"I'll go and-"  
  
"Yeah, I told them you'd come, but be careful okay? I'm not sure how Niall will react right now, he's a mess and I didn't tell him you would come." Zayn seemed honestly worried, but he walked me to the door, explaining to some guy with a fucking gun who I was and that it was alright, so they let me inside, alone.  
  
I was still worried about why they would expose Niall to people carrying guns and looking like the guy I had just seen, but this was pretty much forgotten when my eyes fell on Niall even if he didn't notice me.  
  
He was sitting on a couch, I assumed that this kinda was a waiting or so, I wasn't really sure and also didn't care. There were two police women trying to talk to him, but he was curled up in himself, his clothes seemed pretty dirty and he was crying hard, he was pretty loud in general but what came out of his mouth broke my heart. "No, no, go away, I don't w-want t-to, leave me a-alone!" His voice broke at the end, he didn't look up but buried his face in his arms that were wrapped around his legs, he was making the whole couch dirty but no one seemed to honestly care.  
  
Finally one of the women turned to me, she seemed a little strict but her voice was pretty nice nevertheless, maybe she noticed how I was kinda frozen in the doorway. "You are Liam Payne?" She didn't stand up, but it was kinda unnecessary to do so, because I had hardly any time to nod before Niall's head shot up, his eyes were red and watery, there was a band aid on his forehead as well.  
  
"Li?" He whispered, sniffing again, I got down a little, half opening my arms, unsure how to react, usually he flung himself at me as soon as he saw me.  
  
"Yeah, it's all good, Niall, I promise." Niall didn't seem so sure about this, he hesitated for a second, already scaring me a little with this but then he suddenly started crying harder before half running over to me.  
  
I picked him up, not really knowing what to say now as he continued to sob into my neck, arms and legs wrapped around me so tightly as if he never intended to let go again soon, which was fine, I knew that he was completely confused and scared.  
  
"Hey, baby… I'm here, okay? I'm not gonna let you alone tonight, I know you're mad and sad but I'm gonna fix it, Ni, I promise." What else could I have said, no one else talked besides me and I couldn't think of anything better than rocking Niall in my arms and pressing hopefully comforting kisses into his hair, I was just glad that he was okay, that he hadn't gotten lost or hurt or kidnapped or something like that, even if this situation was shit, it could've come way worse.  
  
"I-I'm s-scared, I-I w-wanna…" Then he stopped talking, shaking even more, his voice was numbed, making it pretty hard to understand as well but I had had practiced, sadly enough.  
  
"What do you want, Nialler? Tell me, please." I contemplated whether I should sit down with him, they probably wouldn't let us go before he talked.  
  
"Go h-home with y-you…L-Liam…" This was unbearable, I pressed my eyes shut to force the tears to stay inside, Niall was crying too much for the both of us already.  
  
"Yes, babe?" Slowly, I moved towards the couch, being met by a few relieved smiles, maybe because I had managed to make him talk.  
  
"D-Dad and Z-Zayn s-said that…" Right, he had no idea I knew the whole story, I felt bad now, for keeping it to myself even though I had promised, it was probably really selfish to think that I would've been able to tell him without something like this coming out, but I did it anyway.  
  
"I know, Niall, I know. I'm really sorry…" I sat down, which was a little complicated because Niall didn't seem to want to sit in my lap but rather keep staying like this, he obeyed after a few seconds, only revealing half of his face, but at least I was able to rub my thumb over his cheek softly, trying to catch a few tears.  
  
"Niall, will you talk to us now that Liam is here? He won't go away, you can stay there." The women were nice but I was more worried about Niall himself than whatever they wanted to ask him, it probably wasn't a good idea to make him talk about it now, but I stayed quiet, focusing on hugging Niall.  
  
"Okay, so did anyone hurt you? You can tell us anything, Niall, it's fine." Yeah, right, I hated this, I knew she had to ask but still.  
  
"N-No… L-Li I wanna g-go…" There was nothing more I felt like doing more but I didn't respond, I just hoped to calm him down with my presence and while stroking his hair slowly.  
  
"You can go with Liam as soon as you tell us what happened, we don't wanna scare you, Niall, we just care about you." He wouldn't tell them and that's all i was certain about, he wouldn't even speak a whole sentence, maybe they knew it too because they sighed.  
  
"Why don't you wanna talk to your parents or your brother? Is it right what they said, they're getting divorced? I know this is pretty sad, Niall, but see, you got Liam here taking care of you, just tell me yes or no and you can go." This was frustrating as hell.  
  
"Y-Yes…" I wished I could've just told them what happened, because I was pretty sure that it had been exactly like Zayn had told me, which was also the most likely option since I knew Niall very well.  
  
"Okay, so nobody hurt you or anything?" He didn't seem hurt, physically, I mean there was this band aid on his forehead, but he was pretty dirty in general I assume he had fallen down.  
  
"N-No…"  
  
"You're not gonna run away again? If Liam promises you can stay with him, will you go with him then?" No idea if his parents would allow it, or my mum, but I was pretty damn convinced that I wouldn't take him to his own house tonight unless he wanted me to which I doubted.  
  
"Yeah… " It was a wonder they even understood his words, his voice was numbed by my shirt and he wouldn't move.  
  
"So, you're not gonna stay with your parents or your brother then? If I bring in any of them in, would you wanna talk to them?" This was fucking crazy, I was literally the only one who he had even allowed to touch him, probably that's why his mother was outside crying.  
  
"No!" I'd say this was pretty clear.  
  
"Alright then, no need to shout, okay? Liam, how old are you?" Right, they couldn't just give me a child to take home with me, we weren't even related or anything.  
  
"Sixteen, but my mum is outside." I didn't care what she said, she'd have to realize that we had to take Niall for the night.  
  
"Alright, I'll get her in, you can take him outside now. Niall, I'm really sorry, about your parents, okay? I'm sure this is gonna be okay, you got Liam, right?" She didn't have to carry on after telling me we could go, because Niall refused to look at her or acknowledge her words, he pressed himself tighter into me again as I stood up, going for the door immediately after saying something that maybe sounded like goodbye or something.  
  
Zayn came up to me immediately, luckily Niall didn't even check around, so he also stayed pretty still in my arms. "Liam, what happened?"  
  
We both watched when they asked for my mum, she touched my arm while asking by, I may or may not have let a few tears spill over before. "We'll take Niall home with us, he…he refuses to go with you or your parents. Sorry, Zayn, I… "  
  
"I's fine, if Niall wants that, I understand, mum is probably gonna freak out a little. We should go over." There was still no sign of their dad, but Niall's mum had calmed down a little, she waited until we walked over and Zayn took a seat beside her, throwing nervous glances at me while I kept some distance, hoping Niall wouldn't start screaming now or something, he was pretty still now, not talking anymore, keeping his head buried in my neck.  
  
"Liam, your mum and I talked and… and I think it's best if you take Niall home with you until… until this is all over. He doesn't wanna talk to me anymore anyway and… he only lets you hold him, it wouldn't be good for him to be home this week while… while his dad moves out. And I can't promise that the fights will stop." Wait, she giving him to me and my mum for the whole week?  
  
I wasn't the only one surprised, Zayn seemed to be taken a little off guard, but then he nodded suddenly, standing back up as I froze. "Niall? Do you wanna talk to me again? Or mum?"  
  
No response, but I felt him gripping my shirt tighter so I assumed he had heard, his brother sighed, letting his hand drop, as if he had thought about reaching out but realized Niall would only back away or tense up.  
  
"My mum agreed to this?" I questioned this, she always told me that I was getting too attached to Niall, that he was still so little, he would grow up and not want me to babysit him anymore, stuff like this, so it was pretty surprising for me as well.  
  
"Yes, it's the best for Niall." She stood up as well, wiping her eyes again with a tissue before coming a little close. "Baby? Are you not gonna say anything to me? I'm sorry I yelled and I'm sorry about what happened, but I love you very much, Ni."  
  
It was probably hard, not getting the tiniest reaction to this one, but I understood Niall somehow, maybe my way to judge this situation was a little messed up because of how close I was with Niall compared to the rest of his family but they had told him he'd pretty much lose both his dad and his brother, yelled at him and then nobody noticed him running away. God, I wished that I would've been there, this day had been really good now I was in a police station at ten pm.  
  
I didn't sit down, I just walked up and down a little, trying to tell Niall that he was fine, I also asked if he was even okay with staying with me for the whole week, he said yes, while crying, but I was pretty positive that I had heard right, at least he didn't get loud anymore or tried to push me away.  
  
We didn't have to wait long for my mum, she seemed a little stressed after coming out, turning to me first of all. "Liam, take him to the car, here are the keys, I'll be there in a second."  
  
Without asking any questions, I took the keys, throwing a last look at Zayn who nodded at me absently, I was just really glad to get out of here. "We'll go to the car, okay, Ni? Everything will be okay, I'm here."  
  
His dad was still outside, he shortly asked me if I would take Niall home with me, trying to talk to him one last time before giving up on it and letting me go.  
  
Now I was glad that my mum could drive since Niall refused to let go of me, it complicated getting into the backseat a little but I managed it somehow, pulling the door closed behind me and plunging us into complete silence besides Niall sniffing quietly sometimes or breathing a little too heavy. "Niall? Do you wanna talk with me about anything?"  
  
"Are you mad at me…?" His voice was only a whisper, I rearranged him in my lap a little, so I could reach his face easier, shielding it with one hand.  
  
"No, of course not, why do you think I would be mad?" I think he shrugged a little or so, but I suddenly felt his hand on my arm, holding onto me.  
  
"I think… I think everyone is mad at me… are Zayn and dad moving out because they don't like me?" Oh god.  
  
"No, Niall, no, this has nothing to do with you at all, I swear, babe. No one is mad at you, they all love you, this is about your mum and dad, look… they… they don't get along so good anymore and they don't wanna fight in front of you so that's why your dad will move away, but you can still visit him and he will come visit you, I promise." Maybe it would help if I told him about my own parents, even if I didn't see my dad anymore at all because he had a different family and different kids now.  
  
"If I weren't there… would he not move out? Because then him and mum could fight and I wouldn't hear it." Why was I so bad at putting things in words?!  
  
"No, Ni baby, that's not what I meant, look, sometimes you get into a fight with people and then you don't get along so well anymore so it's best if you don't see this person so much anymore because fighting is not good, right?" I got a sniff as reply, but he nodded slowly against my shirt.  
  
"But why is Zayn leaving too?" The thing was I didn't know why Zayn was leaving too, he had a girlfriend here and all of his friends but I had never dared asking, also I hadn't thought I'd have to be the one to explain it to Niall.  
  
"You know… Zayn is growing up and when you grow up you wanna go see different things and different places and … it wouldn't be fair to let your dad go all alone, right? He needs some company as well. Trust me, Zayn doesn't wanna leave you behind, you'll still see him and he's gonna be there for Christmas as well." And probably not taking much part in it, but still.  
  
"But… you're as old as Zayn… are you gonna go away too?!" This realization hit him hard all of a sudden, I was glad that unlike Louis I had decided to stay and go to the university not even 20 minutes away from my house. Not only because of Niall, he probably wouldn't need me as much anymore when I was finished with high school, but Harry would go there too and I kinda didn't know what the point was in moving away when I'd be completely friendless. Besides my mum had told me she'd help me find a flat if I decided to stay.  
  
"No, no I won't, I'll be there as long as you need me, alright? I won't leave you alone, never." My words seemed to calm him a little bit, he snuggled his head in my shoulder again, breathing out slowly. "Are you okay with staying at my house, Niall? Your parents don't want to upset you or anything, they also don't want to get rid of you, they just want you to be okay. I can bring you home whenever you want to."  
  
"I wanna stay with you." It sounded pretty convinced, but I knew he could change his mind soon, so I guess I'd just have to wait.  
  
Niall was happy with snuggling with my until my mum came back, we talked a little, I tried to take his mind off and stuff, dry is face a little, promising him we could go hang out with Louis and Harry again soon if he wanted to, anything to cheer him up.  
  
"Alright, Niall, is it okay if we go to your house? Just Liam, you and I? We get a few of your things and then drive home, okay?" My mum immediately turned overprotective, Niall had agreed to all of this before but she was checking again as soon as she had started the car. I really wanted to know what she thought about all of this but I didn't ask, I'd wait until Niall was asleep and safe in my bed.  
  
The drive was rather quiet, I think Niall was really exhausted now, he yawned a few times but I got him smiling a little by kissing his face until he giggled, turning in my arms and allowing me to finally fully look at his face. His band aid wasn't big, I made sure there got no hair stuck in it. "Where's this from, Ni?"  
  
"I fell… and it hurt and then this man and this woman asked if I was okay but mum says not to talk to strangers so I didn't but they called the police and I said I didn't wanna go with them but they made me." I could only imagine that this had scared him pretty badly, not even talking about wandering alone when it was getting dark so I quickly hugged him to my chest again.  
  
"It's okay now, you're fine and safe." He relaxed again, I hoped he wouldn't sleep in because I had no idea what stuff to pack him and I also wouldn't have the heart to wake him up.  
  
Niall didn't wanna talk anymore, I had to pull his fingers away from his mouth because he was starting to bite skin off again and I really didn't wanna have him hurting himself, I knew it was a habit, but I had made it my goal to get him to stop this.  
  
"Liam, you can go alone with him, Maura gave me a house key, there's a bag in Niall's closet, just take some stuff like clothes, it's not so important, I can still come back if we forget something, okay?" The reason why my mum said she would wait in the car was because Niall rarely talked in her presence, it had gotten a lot better but she didn't know her really well so he was still shy and more likely to tell me what he wanted me to pack if we were alone.  
  
"Okay, come on, Ni. Should I carry you?" Since he nodded, I had troubles getting out of the car again while Niall just dropped his head on my shoulder, not complaining when I shifted him around.  
  
It was really weird, to walk through the house just like this and without even bothering to take our shoes off because this was really the last thing I thought of, I just went straight to Niall's room, seeing the bed all messed up and everything lying around made me sigh, I didn't have to guess what had happened before he had decided to just run away.  
  
"Okay, baby, I'll put you down and we get the bag, we put in whatever you wanna take to my place, alright?" A slow nod, the lack of words worried me a little now, but he didn't cry or tried to keep holding onto me like he sometimes did so maybe he was just tired.  
  
The closet wasn't as bad as expected, I found the bag easily, not really sure if Niall would bother which kinda clothes he wanted to wear so I picked the ones I had seen him wearing the most.  
  
It went by better than expected, Niall got his toothbrush from his bathroom and we also had to take his school stuff for the whole week so in the end I couldn't carry him back to the car because I had my hands full. Niall was okay with it, he walked next to me, carrying Marshmallow and the stuffed unicorn, hurting me a little by not jumping down the stairs like he always did when he was happy, it always gave me near death experiences but seeing him sad and hurt like this was worse.  
  
When we finally got home, my mum left it up to me to take care of Niall, knowing it was the best anyway, I also didn't ask him if he even wanted to sleep in my room or not, I just took him there, dropping everything on my bed. He was incredibly tired now, I could see how his eyes nearly dropped close every few seconds, silently thinking that we were lucky that it wasn't a school night.  
  
"Ni, if you leave your stuffies there we go to the bathroom and get the dirt off your face and change clothes, okay?" His hands were dirty as well, I didn't even want to know where he had fallen down or how often, I was just glad when he nodded, reaching out for my hand.  
  
I placed Niall in front of me as I sat on the edge of the bathtub after wetting a towel, trying to be as gentle as possible, it bothered me, that they had just put a band aid on when it probably wasn't even disinfected or anything, so I changed it, cringing a little because it wasn't just a tiny scratch like expected. Niall complained a little because it burned but I couldn't help him besides letting him cry a little over it.  
  
"Hey, it's all good now, okay? I promise it's not gonna hurt anymore in a little bit, come here, wash your hands and then you can put your pajama on." He sniffed, letting me kiss his forehead and help him getting his hands clean.  
  
Since I had no idea what to do with his dirty clothes I left them in the bathroom for my mum to figure out, taking Niall back to my room.  
  
"You take the bed and I'll sleep on the-"  
  
"Why? Why aren't you sleeping in bed with me?" Niall seemed disappointed when I only sat on the edge of my bed, tugging him in instead of getting in as well, there was no way I could even think of going to sleep now.  
  
"I… you want me to lie down with you?" I had planned on just waiting here until he fell asleep, but when he nodded now, pouting a little because I asked instead of just going ahead, I felt myself getting a little softer. "Okay."  
  
Even if I didn't get under the blanket because it would wake him up if I left again, Niall was satisfied with that, he curled up under my arm, closing his eyes, at least I think he did because I didn't check. "Are you taking me to school on monday?"  
  
"Yeah…and to class as well if you want to." His hair was really fun to play with and it would put him eventually to sleep so I did that when I remembered something, just blurting it out without thinking. "I can take you to school every day now."  
  
"Liam?" Luckily he had not commented on the last thing now, I felt kinda bad to bring it up, his dad had taken him to school, I shouldn't have even mentioned it. "Is it bad I'm more sad that Zayn is leaving and not because of dad?"  
  
"No… it's fine, Niall, you can't decide which one makes you more sad, okay? And it also doesn't matter, I'm pretty sure Zayn is really sad about leaving you as well, that's why he's only going after Christmas." I didn't know if that was the reason, but I could pretend, at least he had confirmed me that he cared a lot about Niall.  
  
"I don't know if Zayn is really sad… sometimes I think he doesn't like me…" Sometimes I thought that too, but I liked to remember how he had managed to get Niall out of football practice then and how he had kissed his head when he had been asleep.  
  
"He does like you. You know, some people can't really show when they love someone, maybe because they are scared, I'm pretty sure he is scared about losing you now. It's like with Harry and Louis, they love each other but they never say it out loud, and they also have little fights like today in the zoo but it doesn't mean they don't like each other." Wow, I was really getting into this now.  
  
Niall stayed silent for a bit, I started to think he had either fallen asleep or hadn't understood what I was talking about but then he spoke up again. "But I like when you tell me that you love me."  
  
"That's good because I like saying it." And hearing it in return as well, this conversation was about to put me to sleep, I changed my mind all of a sudden, moving around a little so we could share the blanket, something Niall welcomed immediately, it meant he could cuddle closer. "You should go to sleep, Ni, it's like midnight already."  
  
"Are you gonna stay here?" Right, I couldn't move anymore now.  
  
"Yeah, of course." I patted his hair lazily, fighting hard to keep my eyes open, it would be bad if I slept in first.  
  
"Okay, love you, Li." He yawned, I felt myself a little relax, I had gotten what I had wanted after all, for Niall to be alright.  
  
"Love you too. Sweet dreams." Niall didn't answer anymore, his breathing got even after not even two minutes, so I decided to turn the light on my bedside table off, wanting to put my head down as well when my phone lit up.  
  
Harry had sent me an image, I thought about ignoring it and checking tomorrow but he sent me a caption as well saying _I did it Li_.  
  
So then I expected something really stupid or gross, sliding my thumb across the screen to check. It was a picture of Louis sleeping in Harry's bed, in one of his shirts as far as I could tell, this was really creepy, but it was also really sweet and I was happy for Harry, even if it didn't mean that they had talked at all, but I knew that lately Louis hadn't wanted to sleep over anymore because of his lack of self control. Harry had taken it personally of course because he didn't know the reason so yeah, I was really happy for him.  
  
I thought about sending him a picture of Niall looking like a baby right now but let it be, it would only cause him to ask questions that I was too tired to answer.  
  
\-----  
  
I was woken up in the morning by my mum going downstairs really loudly. Not even Niall was awake yet, I was confused for a second, about literally everything, but then I looked down at him sleeping curled up next to me. And the mess containing of his stuff on the floor explained a lot as well, right, this was probably gonna be a really stressful day, so I lied back down, putting my arm around him again where it had been the whole night.  
  
There were a bunch of messages on my phone from Harry, nothing unusual, the content was a little more cheerful this time, which was good but it was only eight in the morning and for Niall it was probably sleeping in because he had stayed up too long last time.  
  
So since I had nothing to do and I didn't want to get up, I read through what Harry had sent me, it was basically a description of the whole last night. They had talked, and Harry had obviously told Louis that he was gay which probably hadn't surprised Louis at all but it seemed that he was good at pretending, they had also both slept in Harry's bed, well Louis was most likely still asleep because Harry texted me saying that he could see if I had checked the messages or not, so he knew that I had been ignoring him. Oops.  
  
That's why I sent him a picture of Niall pressed into my side and tightly asleep now, hoping it would explain why I hadn't bothered texting back. Even if I probably wouldn't have either way.  
  
I regretted it immediately.  
  
  
  
 _Harry 8:09 am_  
  
 _HE IS SO FUCKING CUTE LIAM BUT WHAT HAPPENED WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME and also can i come over later louis has to go visit his grandparents today_  
  
  
  
He was so weird, I didn't know if I wanted Harry to come over today but I said yes anyway and I also told him that I'd explain everything later because Niall suddenly started moving.  
  
"Liam?" Niall stretched a little, like a cat, yawning slightly before his eyes flattered open, attempting to sit up.  
  
"Yeah, I'm here, are you okay?" I didn't want to sit up as well so I just rubbed his back slowly, watching him worriedly, I was scared he'd start crying all over again or request that I'd take him home which wouldn't be a good idea at all.  
  
"Yeah… " After another yaw, he looked down at me, too sleepy to tell if something was up but not even two seconds later he cuddled down into me again, pulling the blanket up higher.  
  
"Someone's a little sleepy, hm?" This was good, sleepy was better than sad and Niall giggled when I leaned over him.  
  
"You're still in bed as well." STILL was not the term I would use for eight in the morning.  
  
"Well, that's true. Do you want some breakfast? We got Nutella and-"  
  
"Yes!" See, this was the way to make Niall happy, he wasn't allowed to eat Nutella anymore at home, probably because his mum knew how much sweets I gave him during the day and I wouldn't stop now.  
  
"But you can't eat it with a spoon." I knew exactly the way his thoughts went, even if he laughed now, telling me that he would have never ever thought of this in a million years, that's exactly what he had thought of.  
  
The way Niall behaved now made it hard to believe that yesterday had even happened at all, it had, of course, my mum's worried face was proof of that, even if she seemed as relieved as me to see Niall cheerful as ever. "Well, good morning boys. Did you sleep okay, Niall?"  
  
He nodded, even smiling back at her, which didn't happen so often, I don't know, it made me happy but I knew that he wouldn't stay in this mood for the rest of the week. "Sit here, Ni, I'll be there in a second."  
  
I figured I would make Niall breakfast myself since I knew what he liked anyway, my mum kinda watched me with amazement, which I only noticed when I was halfway done, but it made me blush because I realized that I was really acting like a parent or brother to him, I just couldn't help it, I had never been like this before.  
  
Niall was really happy about this, he also thanked me too many times which made me smile stupidly before sitting down next to him, not bothering to tell him that you usually didn't touch your Nutella toast with your fingers to lick it off.  
  
"So, Niall…" My mum started, only grabbing half of his attention, I wasn't listening very well either, I tried to help him eat properly without everything ending up on his shirt. "You're okay here, yeah?"  
  
"Yes…" He blushed terribly, looking at me, as if he needed support so I decided to smile, keeping my arm around the back of his chair.  
  
"I talked with your mum before and she told me that she's very sorry about everything and she loves you very much. She only wants the best for you, okay? It's only for one week and as soon as you want to go home you just tell me or Liam, alright?" It was unnecessary to tell him all of this again because I had already done it, I was way ahead.  
  
"Okay." He wouldn't tell her, there was no need at all to talk about any of this but maybe she felt responsible, I don't know, I just focused on being ready to catch the mug full of hot chocolate that Niall seemed to be about to drop any second all over my lap.  
  
"Good. Liam, you got this, right?" Niall's answers consisting of a maximum of one word probably were the reason for her to stand up now.  
  
"Yeah. Mum, Harry is gonna come over later, okay?" She loved Harry so there was no need to ask, I just thought it would be awkward if she ran into him in the hallway again like last time.  
  
"Really? Is Lou gonna come too?" Niall was the first to answer, his face lit up, which was really good because I wouldn't have known what to tell Harry if Niall didn't want him to come over.  
  
"No, he's visiting his grandparents, but we'll have fun with Harry too, right?" I tried to be enthusiastic even though I wasn't as excited as Niall seemed to be, his dimples were showing and I couldn't help smiling back anyway, maybe also a little bit because he had somehow managed to get Nutella on his forehead. "Come here for a second, Ni."  
  
"Why?" His face scrunched up a little as I started rubbing on his skin with a napkin, making me laugh a little when he was cleaned up again.  
  
"Maybe we should try and not use Nutella as body paint today?" Niall nodded thoughtfully, as if he seriously had to take this in at first before continuing with his breakfast.  
  
It only occurred to me now that my mum had gone without giving me an answer, I assumed that she hadn't felt the need to, also it was more normal if she left us alone,  we never spent much time together and I felt qualified enough to take care of Niall by myself for a while. Had had enough practice.  
  
Since I couldn't really tell if Niall was only fine for the moment or not I was a bit worried about leaving him alone in my room, even if it was just for taking a shower, I let him cuddle with Loki and watch TV in my bed, but I still hurried up, nearly slipping a few times as well just for everything to turn out fine, because Niall was glued to the screen anyway.  
  
I told him to go shower as well, hoping he'd be fine, but he was eleven, right? At home his mum had often told him the same thing, causing him to throw a fit and whine but when I told him, he gave in instantly, so that was a good sign I suppose, even if I nearly died of worries, I was losing my damn mind here, he wasn't made of glass after all, even it felt like it sometimes.  
  
Of course he came back though, despite my worries, even fully dressed, his hair was dripping wet but that could be changed, I was just relieved for no reason. "Give me the towel."  
  
Luckily he had taken it with him now, Niall didn't think of anything as he handed it to me, but I kept him there standing in front of me while I sat on the edge of my bed, making him squirm immediately as I rubbed his hair dry with it, but there were also a few giggles so it was okay. "Liii, stooop."  
  
"In a second, don't you wanna look nice for Harry, Ni?" Considering that I wasn't really looking nice myself right now this question was pretty dumb.  
  
"No, I don't. Louis should try and look nice for him, not us." It was kinda sweet that he referred to the both of us instead of only himself, but he was right. Niall was getting everything that was going on between Harry and Louis, I was just waiting for the moment he'd open his mouth and spill something in front of them, not that I would've minded it anymore, secretly I wished for it, so I wouldn't have to do it, Niall was innocent, therefore easily forgiven while I would be blamed for it until the die I died probably.  
  
"I don't think he has to try anymore, babe. Harry would probably still like him if he wore a plastic bag and shaved all his hair off." I shouldn't have said it in front of Niall, there was a chance he would repeat it sometime, he did it with a lot of stuff I just blurted out mindlessly which was also the reason why I was so strictly against Louis and Harry swearing in front of him, I didn't wanna be a bad influence.  
  
"Well, that's because Louis is funny." Niall backed away from the towel, his hair was just damp now so I let him be, leaning back against my pillows as he climbed into my bed as well. "Li, what's your favorite color?"  
  
"Umm…" Being caught a bit off guard by this sudden change of topic, I thought about it for a while, about to say black but knowing he would probably complain and command to hear something else. "I guess… green."  
  
"Okay." I had at least expected some kind of an explanation, but Niall just kept sitting next to me on the bed, simply smiling at me.  
  
"Why?" It was hard to not return the smile, he was so cute and I liked the way he just randomly decided he needed to be closer to me so he half cuddled up into my side before answering.  
  
"You can't know. It's a secret." Now I was really confused.  
  
"A secret?" Maybe he was just being silly, you never knew with Niall.  
  
"Yes." With that he just stayed quiet, still with a happy face, I didn't really spent too much of a thought about it, especially not after he wiggled around a little until I understood that he wanted to lie under my arm.  
  
"What's wrong, you cold?" Hopefully nothing sad, I didn't want him to go home, it wouldn't do him any good and besides I had already gotten used to the idea of him staying here until next weekend.  
  
"No… but you're soft and warm." So he was just cuddly, this was fine, especially since I was tired as hell because I usually would still be asleep for a good few hours, we definitely needed to go to bed sooner tonight, but for now, I put my arm around him, hoping none of us would doze off.  
  
We didn't do much the whole morning, my mum had to go somewhere so she took the car with her, not like we had intended to go anywhere, I helped Niall finish some homework, actually, I was the one ending up doing it, but only because Niall looked really cute and like a poor baby when he didn't understand it after a few tries, I couldn't resist a look like this.  
  
When it was around lunch time, I took Niall downstairs because I was getting hungry, yes, even after lying in my bed and watching Niall play video games or occasionally tickling him to distract him a little from the TV just because I loved to hear him giggle even if he pretended to pout afterwards after he had lost because of me.  
  
"I hope you won't be too disappointed with me but all I can make is spaghetti. Unless we wanna burn down the house then I'd be glad to try something new." My jokes were always really bad, this was another reason why having Niall around made me feel better, because he laughed at everything I said.  
  
"Can I help?" Nobody would've been able to resist his puppy eyes, I nodded even before fully getting what he had said.  
  
"Of course, I'll need an assistant anyway." Actually not, it would only take me ten minutes which was also the reason why I this was the only food I was able to prepare without completely messing up.  
  
Niall seemed thrilled anyway, just like all the time I told him I needed his help, he seemed really proud and it made me wonder why I had so much impact on him, I wasn't even someone he should look up to, I didn't do anything.  
  
"Okay, come here…" I lifted him onto the counter, making sure that he wouldn't sit too close to the stove even if it was still turned off, but I wasn't that of an idiot. "You can pour this inside the pot. Slow."  
  
Actually I had been prepared for the sauce to splash everywhere, but Niall somehow managed not to, which surprised me because he hadn't even bothered thinking about my instructions.  
  
"Here, stir it, I'll be right back. And don't touch the stove, it's on now, okay?" After giving him a spoon, he nodded, probably just because and not because he had heard me, I watched him for a bit before deciding that it was safe to go get noodles from the other end of the kitchen, it were only five steps, but still.  
  
We did good, I think, there was noting much to help at all but Niall seemed satisfied that I let him do anything, he also was beaming when I asked if he wanted to feed Loki, which was a relief actually, I always almost gagged at the smell of cat food, Niall didn't seemed to mind, he even stayed on the floor to watch when my cat came and I tried to not mess up the only meal I'd ever be able to cook.  
  
To both, or all three of us actually, our surprise, someone rang the doorbell, which was weird, my mum had a key.  
  
"Ni, can you go and ask who it is? Don't lock up if you don't know them, okay? I need to watch this." To be honest, I was just scared that he'd burn himself in here or so, even if letting him go to answer the door wasn't such a good idea either. "Actually, tell me who it is before locking up."  
  
"Okay." He padded Loki's head before jumping up, half hopping out of the kitchen and out of my sight. Wow, THIS made me nervous.  
  
For a few seconds, I only heard Niall ask who it was, but then he yelled rather loudly at me through half the house. "It's Harry, can I let him in?!"  
  
Wait, why was he here? What was this all about standing in front of my house without calling first. "Yeah, lock up."  
  
From the hall, I heard Harry's excited voice at seeing Niall, he was probably even more giggly than Niall now. "Hey, kiddo, what's up? What's Li so busy with?"  
  
"He's cooking us lunch. And I helped." It sounded proud, they were coming closer but I still had time to stupidly smile to myself over Niall's cuteness.  
  
"He'd probably poison both of you if he didn't have you." Harry was trying to be nice, jokingly, but he chose the wrong words, not even him laughing could save this.  
  
"No. Liam can do everything." I really loved this boy.  
  
"Well… I… you're probably right." There was no purpose in arguing, they had reached the kitchen now and Niall came over to me, ignoring Harry's answer to wrap his arms around my waist for a bit even if I couldn't hug him back right now because there was a chance I would actually poison us all if I didn't pay attention.  
  
"Of course he's right, Harry. He always is. Besides, when did you decide that using your phone would be unnecessary?" I wasn't mad at him for just showing up, I could just imagine him being pissed off in case we wouldn't have been here to open up, I preferred knowing if someone came over, blame me.  
  
"I texted you, Liam. Three times." Oh.  
  
"Well… but I didn't write back. We could've been out." Or not, since I felt like passing out every time I sat down somewhere.  
  
"Well, you aren't so. You made too much of this anyway." I hadn't expected anything else from him than invite himself, he smirked as I turned around to roll my eyes at him, patting Niall's head before he let go again so I could move.  
  
"Listen up, two minutes ago you were scared that this might be unediable, now you want some?" Niall luckily went to sit down on the table with Harry, not next to him and I could guess why.  
  
"Well, I think it's worth the risk if Niall's putting so much trust in you. And I haven't eaten since I got up, I might as well try a bite of your cat-"  
  
"No!" This nearly made me pour hot water over myself, wow, Niall could yell REALLY loudly.  
  
"Sorry, sorry, I was just joking, Ni. I'm saying all the wrong things today, huh?" Not only today.  
  
"It's not funny, Harry!" While they were arguing, I hoped to make our food look somewhat nice while putting it on a plate, there were apparently a lot of things you could do wrong and I was only getting aware of this now that I wasn't only cooking for myself like usually.  
  
"I'm sorry. Look, will it make you feel better if I tell you that Louis told me to tell you hi?" Why would that make anyone feel better, we weren't all drooling over Louis. That's what I should've said, instead I kept quiet, sitting down as well, next to Niall because he grinned really widely at me, clearing telling me what he wanted after I had brought everyone their plates over, and some coke, for Niall as well because this was kinda our thing.  
  
"But Liam said that Louis is visiting his grandma." The funny thing was, he wasn't accusing ME of lying, but Harry.  
  
"Well yeah but… but he kinda umm… slept over at my house so I saw him in the morning." Harry blushed, no idea why exactly, it's not like they had done anything, right?  
  
"Ooh, like a sleepover?" Luckily Niall's thoughts were all innocent, he was really bad at eating spaghetti, it made me grin down at him, deciding to wait before helping to clean his face up, it'd get dirty again in less than half a second. "I slept over at Liam's house as well."  
  
"Did you…" This was kinda weird, Harry looked at me, obviously wanting to know what was going on, I tried to make him understand not to ask any more, shaking my head slowly, but it was too late. "How did that come?"  
  
"Well…my mum and my dad said that…that they got divorced… and that dad and Zayn would move away and I'm allowed to stay with Liam for the rest of the week." He saw it as a treat. I got it now, he didn't think it was to keep him from the fighting or seeing his dad pack up all the stuff. He WANTED to be here.  
  
"That's… really sad, Ni." Harry regretted asking immediately, he was still confused of course, he didn't know about the police and all but I was just fucking relieved that he hadn't made Niall cry. "I'm sorry. You know, if you're ever really sad about it then you have to go tell Liam because he knows what it's like, his parents are divorced too."  
  
"What?" Oh god, why did Harry have to start with this, I had told Louis and him, we had never talked about it again because I didn't enjoy it at all, but it was too late now because Niall had heard of course.  
  
"Yeah… he's right, Ni. So… you're not alone. Come here, let me clean this up." I think my tries to get away from this topic were really obvious, Harry coughed a little, awkwardly, but I didn't look at him, I just took my napkin, holding Niall's chin gently to clean his face up from the sauce, his eyes never left my face and he also didn't even complain like usually.  
  
"Don't be sad, Li." I wasn't sad about what he thought in particular, but it kinda made me sad how he was seriously WORRIED about me.  
  
"I'm not, babe, it's fine." God, why did Harry have to bring this up, I wasn't running around telling everybody to go ask Harry in case they were gay because he knew what it's like.  
  
For a while, it was really quiet, besides us eating on slowly, I didn't feel like it anymore, also not after Harry mouthed a 'Sorry' to me, making me shrug, he looked guilty, I wasn't mad at him, I just didn't like this topic so I felt a little sick now, putting my fork down.  
  
I think Harry was about to open his mouth, probably to say something to take my mind off, but Niall was faster, he climbed over into my lap, I steadied him automatically, only fully getting that he was just trying to cheer me up when he kissed my cheek sloppily, probably getting sauce on me, but I didn't care. "I don't like when you're sad, Li, it makes me sad too."  
  
"Sorry. I'm all fine, I promise, you don't have to be sad. Don't you wanna eat a little more?" Not that I wanted him to move out of my lap again, I actually wrapped my arms around him, calming down immediately, my heart felt as if it was melting from how concerned he seemed to be, this was cute as hell.  
  
"No…" Then he snuggled further into me putting his head on my shoulder as if to say that he did not plan on going anywhere. "Liam?"  
  
"Hm?" I was very well aware of the fact that we weren't alone, but it didn't bother me really, it was Harry's fault anyway for even talking about such risky things, so it was fair that we left him out.  
  
"Love you." This time I managed to smile for real, just because, I knew he wanted to cheer me up, so I decided to pull myself together, for him.  
  
"Love you too, Ni. Come on now, you gotta eat a little more, okay?" It was true that he ate very little, I wasn't the only one worried about this, his mum was too, so I gave him my own fork and spoon, he could eat what was left on my plate, so he wouldn't have to get into his own chair again. Mostly because I didn't want him to.  
  
"Alright… but not too much or I'm gonna explode." He was being so serious it made me laugh, at least he gave in though, eating slowly, but he did.  
  
"Well, you can stop before that happens, I still need you." I pressed a kiss on the back of his head, almost forgetting that Harry was here as well if he hadn't decided to bring himself back in after that little… incident.  
  
"This is disgustingly cute just so you know." Probably, but I didn't care, there were a lot of things I could've said now, but I just shrugged.  
  
"Why disgusting?!" Niall seemed really offended, as long as kept on eating I wouldn't say anything though.  
  
"Sorry, Niall. Maybe I should just shut my mouth now." A good idea considering that since he had been here he had managed to make Niall disagree with him four times.  
  
"Well, see, that was a smart idea." As he glared at me playfully, I laughed, it was fine for me to have him over even if all he contributed to the conversation were rather weird comments, but I knew him so I guess I could excuse it, as long as Niall continued to stand on my side like this.  
  
We still didn't have a bad day, Niall forgave Harry for being a complete fool, just because he always forgave everyone, they both helped me wash the dishes, even if Niall got himself completely wet and full of soap as well, but I found it really cute instead of annoying.  
  
There was this game that Harry had on his phone, he let Niall play it, probably hoping he'd love him again if he did and it seemed to work. Since Harry didn't wanna go home because he told me that, I quote 'Would you mind if I stay a little longer I can't go home because my mum wanted to wash today and if she washed my bed clothes I would probably cry because Louis has slept in them'.  
  
That's why it got so late that I told Niall to go put on his pajamas, he pouted for a second, but Harry promised he'd get to play on his phone again as soon as he came. Niall then half ran.  
  
"Why does he have to go to bed so early, it's like, seven." As Harry and me were alone, I used the time to clean up my room a little, quickly realizing it was a lost case so I came back sitting on the bed, leaving some distance because Niall would request again that he could sit between us.  
  
"He's a child, Haz. And actually, I'd love for someone to tell me to go change and lie down now as well." The night had been too short, I already saw myself falling asleep during classes tomorrow.  
  
"Yeah… but, Liam… why's he actually here?" Right, I had expected those questions, it wasn't a secret so I sighed, playing with Niall's stuffed unicorn while talking.  
  
"When his parents told him he obviously completely freaked out, they sent him to his room, getting a call from the police saying he had run away and they had found him. No one had noticed him gone, so me and my mum went there at ten last night and he wouldn't let anyone touch him besides me. We keep him here because he didn't, or still doesn't wanna go home. Besides his dad will move out this week and it's better for him to not be around for that." I didn't like reliving it, because I knew that it wasn't done here, it would probably affect his whole life but I didn't want it to, I wanted him to stay this bubbly and sweet kid.  
  
"Jesus… I feel really bad now. Sorry for bringing this up earlier, I didn't know it had been so dramatic. Really. And also for… you know." Even if I didn't look over, I knew he meant it so I nodded.  
  
"It's no big deal. He seems fine for now, that's all that matters to me." Hopefully it would stay this way.  
  
"Yeah… you're amazing with him, Liam, really. He loves you so much it's insane. Good thing you're not going away after high school." This gave me a sting, Harry chuckled, probably thinking that I didn't wanna talk about this when in reality I was worried about him. And Louis.  
  
Before we got to say more, Niall came back, he dumped his clothes from before on my couch, immediately coming over again. "Can I play now, Harry?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, buddy, come up here. Nice pajamas." He laughed, I knew what he meant, Niall really had some weird kids pajamas, they were all too big and too colorful, but it was damn cute as well.  
  
As he crawled back into the space between us, just like I had expected, Harry unlocked his phone, he read over something really quickly, thinking I hadn't noticed but I guess it was a text message, before handing it to Niall.  
  
"You're really good at this, you nearly beat my record." Probably because he had been playing it for two hours now, but I kept my mouth shut, smiling as I sorted Niall's messy hair out a little, he didn't even notice.  
  
"I WILL beat it." His eyes were glued on the phone so I decided that he was busy enough to do what I was about to.  
  
"So, Harry, I heard you'll fail history?" Louis had told me, pretty stressed out as well that his future boyfriend would maybe have to repeat the year and 'Oh my god, Liam, next year is our last year, what if I don't get to spend it with him?!'.  
  
"Wait, how do you know?" Actually Harry was right with his shocked face, I knew way too much about him.  
  
"Your boyfriend told me." We both looked at Niall after that comment, but he hadn't been listening so I smirked at Harry while he rolled his eyes, secretly enjoying it.  
  
"Did he say something bad about me?" I laughed, because BAD was definitely far off.  
  
"Just that he can't lose his Hazza baby and that he doesn't know what to do because he sucks at History as well. Probably because you two spend it with sneaking out of school." See what I mean, I could've written a novel on them.  
  
"You sound like a stalker, Liam." Well, let's ignore that HE had been the one to tell me all those things without me even asking.  
  
"Call me whatever you want but I happen to have the same history teacher." With that, I got up, making Niall look at me in confusion so I told him I'd be right back before going through my school stuff a little bit and coming back with the right book. "So, which chapters for your test?"  
  
"You know about the test, too?! Damn it." Harry groaned, defeated, he probably was just as scared as Louis and I, well I was just trying to help.  
  
It turned out that Harry had no idea about anything, so I tried my best, he didn't need an A, just a D minus and maybe Louis would be so happy that I had managed to do that he would agree that he owed me a favor and then he'd have to talk to Harry. What a perfect plan that would never work.  
  
Since I had the book in my lap, Niall looked at me for a second after about half an hour, thinking before deciding that there was no space, so he simply climbed into Harry's lap, making him freeze for a second. Niall had sat on both his and Louis' lap before, but maybe only once, it was just that when Niall got tired, he needed to cuddle and since I wasn't available he chose Harry. "Umm… you, okay?"  
  
Niall yawed, nodding before going back to playing the game, causing me to chuckle, Harry's face was really confused, but he hesitantly tried to relax. "It's fine, Harry."  
  
"Yeah, I… okay, let's get back to this." He hesitantly put his arm around Niall loosely, causing him to cuddle closer, it was really a cute sight, I wondered if we looked like that as well when Niall sat on my lap. There was the tiniest feeling of jealousy in the pit of my stomach but I ignored it, he would've chosen me first anyway.  
  
We studied for a little longer, I knew I'd have to tell Niall that he had to go to bed at eight thirty so I was really glad when Harry whispered my name as I quickly read through a page, looking over to see Niall tightly asleep, the phone dropped on the bed.  
  
"What do I do?" Harry seemed to panic for no reason at all, he was nearly talking inaudible, probably thinking that Niall's sleep was light.  
  
So I put my history book on the bedside table before easily lifting Niall over in my own arms, standing up with him pressed to my chest, he moved a little, mumbling something, but that was nothing new. "Stand up, I'll put him to bed and we go downstairs."  
  
That's exactly what we did, I had some problems with leaving Niall here, he had never slept in my room by himself, so I prayed that things would go alright, tugging him in way too often and kissing his hair before remembering that I needed to turn on  the lamp on my bedside table as well. He could sleep in complete darkness, but there was no need to risk scaring him even more than in case he woke up alone.  
  
"He'll be fine. We're just downstairs." This didn't calm me, but I nodded, closing the door softly behind me. "I should go home soon anyway."  
  
"Yeah… is your mum done with the washing yet?" I snickered, getting a playful push, Harry rolled his eyes while we went for the stairs.  
  
"I hope so. I still got the shirt as well." Wow, this was really sad, Harry was serious about this and I knew so much more but I couldn't tell him.  
  
"Maybe you would feel better if you just told him, you know." My mum had obviously gotten home sometime, I saw her jacket by the front door as we walked by to the living room, hopefully she wouldn't think of checking on us in my room and accidentally waking Niall.  
  
"But if he liked me back, he would've talked to ME. So there's no need to, I don't wanna destroy anything or make it awkward." Could this get any more awkward though.  
  
We sat in the kitchen, because I was thirsty and tired, all I wanted was to just spill everything to Harry and go to bed, maybe that's why I didn't watch my words too carefully. "Well, he wouldn't have talked to you necessarily…"  
  
Usually I blocked whenever we came to deep into it, so harry listening up immediately. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Nothing, I… talk to him, not me." It would be wrong, to tell him that his best friend since kindergarden was thinking of leaving him here and moving when they had planned to get a flat together.  
  
"You know something. And you're not telling me. Why?" It didn't even sound mad, just desperate, which was worse, so I stared my glass down instead.  
  
"Because this is between you and him. Would I be telling you since months that you need to talk to him if I knew that he simply didn't like you back?" I hadn't said 'if I knew that it would maybe not work out', this was completely different.  
  
"Would you be honest with me?" The answer was no, I wasn't honest with him, because he had let me PROMISE that I would not straight out tell Louis anything he had said.  
  
"Do you think I wanna be responsible for destroying your life? I've talked to Louis multiple times like you asked me to, I'm pretty positive that you two need a talk. And soon." Because I didn't wanna live with so many secrets anymore that weren't even mine.  
  
This made Harry think, maybe I had said too much, but someone had to eventually do that right? None of these two was ever gonna man up, I didn't know what it was like but it still seemed a little ridiculous by now.  
  
We sat in silence for a while, I nearly slept in, thankful that I had changed before so I wouldn't have to do it later. Later… which would hopefully be soon, there was literally nothing left I could tell Harry or Louis, I really felt like changing my tactics now and slapping them both in the head.  
  
When I heard the stairs, we both thought it was my mum coming down, but the steps were somehow too light and also, too slow, so I was about to stand up and check, which wasn't necessary anymore when a crying Niall with hiccup was standing in the doorway. "L-Li? C-Can y-you … "  
  
"Oh, baby, come here, I'm sorry, shsh." My tiredness was forgotten, because my heart just broke, I quickly pulled Niall into my arms picking him up with me when I stood up straight, catching Harry's eyes, he seemed to feel pretty bad now as well, getting up too. "I won't leave you alone anymore, we just wanted to make sure we wouldn't wake you back up."  
  
"C-Come lay d-down n-now?" I had a feeling there would be no night this whole week that one of us would sleep by themselves, I rubbed Niall's back softly, kissing the top of his head, hoping he'd stop crying.  
  
"Yes, of course. Anything you want, I'm not gonna go anymore, it's fine, Nialler." There had been too many times I had seen him crying, yet it was still making me feel so shitty I had nothing in the world to compare it to this.  
  
"You should both go to sleep, I'll drive home now." Harry looked at me, he was still stuck with my words from earlier, I saw it in his face when he hugged me a little awkwardly because of Niall, kissing the side of his head as well. "You're with Liam, Niall, nothing can happen when he's there, right? I hope you sleep really well, I'll see you soon, yeah?"  
  
Niall sniffed something that sounded like 'Okay', but he kept his face buried in between my neck and shoulder, so Harry sighed quietly, turning to me instead while we went for the door.  
  
"Thanks, Liam. I'll think about it." Hopefully.  
  
"You better." I joked, even if none of us felt like it now, Niall had still not calmed down completely and Harry seemed more than thoughtful. "Text me when you're home."  
  
As soon as I had locked the door after him, I focused on Niall again immediately, rocking him in my arms a little. "What's wrong, baby? What woke you up?"  
  
"I-I don't know… you w-weren't t-there.." His hand fisted into the back of my shirt, hugging me even tighter than before.  
  
"Hey, but I'm here now, right? We'll go to sleep now and I promise you I'll wait for you to fall asleep, okay? And you can wake me any time you need me and for the rest of the time you're here I'll always stay with you at night, alright?" This is what I would've thought would happen anyway, if there was any chance he got to cuddle with me, he'd take it. It made me sad like, what if this was because nobody at home ever cuddled him, if I was the only one to actually care this much.  
  
"P-Promise?" We had reached my room, so I closed the door softly, sitting down with him in my lap and pulling the blanket up a little while keeping one arm around him.  
  
"Yes, promise. Look at me?" I begged, but he obeyed, trying to wipe his cheeks a little before I replaced his hands with my own, kissing the tip of his nose. "No crying anymore, I'm taking care of you, remember? Shh, I'm here."  
  
Niall nodded, still sniffing so I reached for a tissue, drying his cheeks softly and letting him blow his nose, but he still didn't wanna move out of my lap, suddenly looking down. "Li?"  
  
"Yes, babe?" He was probably really, really tired and over emotional right now, I really hoped it didn't have any other reasons.  
  
"Can I… Can I c-call my mum?" Or maybe I was wrong. This had been bound to happen sometime, I was glad actually he needed to speak to her again, so she'd know he wasn't mad anymore, it didn't mean he wanted home, right?  
  
"Of course, Ni, look, here's my phone. Should I speak to her first or do you want to?" Maybe I should've explained this first, but Niall reached out for my phone, one cheek pressed against my chest as he waited until she would pick up.  
  
I made sure that he was comfortable meanwhile, pulling the blanket higher, brushing some hair out of his forehead, holding his free hand as he grabbed mine, squeezing tighter all of a sudden. "No, mum, it's me… yeah….no, I'm with Liam… I'm s-sorry I yelled and sorry I ran away and I still love you, I'm sorry…"  
  
This made me tear up, I quickly pressed my eyes shut since he couldn't see me anyway, but Niall simply apologized for everything, always and to everyone even if it hadn't been his fault at all, I don't know, it seemed wrong.  
  
"No, I'm good, Li lets me sleep in his bed and Harry came over today… yes… noo…are you mad at me? Is Zayn mad at me? … and dad?… okay…" While talking, he pressed tightly into me, squishing my hand in his, I hoped this conversation wouldn't drag him down even more or worse, make him home sick, but from what I've heard it didn't seem like it right now. "…do you still love me?"  
  
I really wanted to smash the phone against the wall, I hated how he always thought that none of his family liked him, he had once asked me the exact same question, after he had accidentally spilled his drink on me. It just made me furious because what made him think people would just stop loving him.  
  
"…okay….really?…yes… okay, I love you too, mum… can I call you again tomorrow?… okay… goodnight, mum." He hung up then, I waited as he put my phone on my bedside table, not saying a word until Niall took a shaky breath before relaxing. "Mum said I should tell you thank you from her."  
  
"She's welcome, whatever she wants to thank me for, it's no big deal." I couldn't help myself but hug him really tightly then, pressing my face into his hair. "Niall, your mum would never stop loving you."  
  
"I just wanted to make sure…" Niall mumbled against my neck, not minding the hug at all, he literally melted into me.  
  
"It's fine, Ni, I just wanted to tell you that. Are you okay with going to bed now? It's late, no time for little Niallers to be awake." I laughed quietly, feeling better now because the call had somehow helped, he leaned back, smiling at me a little before pretending to pout.  
  
"'m not little…" But he kissed my cheek anyway, so I kissed his in return as well before he got out of my lap, waiting for me to lie down properly so he could snuggle down into my side like he always did. "Thank you for staying here with me, Li."  
  
"I would never leave you alone when you need me, baby, you know that. Close your eyes, okay? I love you a lot." This made him sigh, but happily, he was really relaxed now, which was good, I rubbed his shoulder gently, putting my alarm to 7 am because none of us had packed anything for school tomorrow, reaching over to turn the light off.  
  
"I love you a lot too." Really, that's all I needed to hear.  
  
——---  
  
A week could go by fast, I realized that after bringing Niall back home on the following saturday. The thing was that while he had been with me, he had not once cried for the sake of being home sick, but he did cry that day because he had gotten so used to me, which was also why I HAD to stay for dinner. I also really wanted to because I had loved having Niall stay with me and my mum. Sometimes I brought him to class, we went to go eat pizza with Louis and Harry (who still hadn't talked with each other), watched a few movies, played tons of video games, everything Niall wanted. Which was fine for me as well because I loved seeing him happy and all giggly, he brightened up my days incredibly.  
  
Niall got to say bye to his dad, I don't know, it didn't seem to get to him as much as Zayn staying here for the whole winter break, that got him pretty excited. He didn't know yet that we'd see each other again on monday, because of Christmas, nobody had told him yet, it was sort of a surprise I suppose. But I was dying to tell him, really, because he actually started bawling when I decided that staying at someone's house until ten at night was maybe a bit long.  
  
"Ni, I really have to go now." He nodded, its been about the fifth time I had said it, only this time I got up for real.  
  
Niall followed me to the door, watching while I put my shoes on, for now he looked okay, I felt pretty depressed myself, but Maura smiled at me from behind Niall so I tried to pull myself together. She had thanked me about one billion times already, she must be really grateful.  
  
"Alright…" I didn't have to continue, because Niall came towards me, hugging me really tightly, but I picked him up anyway so he wrapped his legs around my waist, pressing his face in my shirt like he always did. "I really liked having you with me, Nialler, I'm gonna miss you a lot. But we'll hang out lots during the break, right?"  
  
We wouldn't be hanging out a lot, since I'd be gone for about a week, but there was still time and he didn't need to hear that now, besides, we'd be spending Christmas together, so that was something. "I'll miss you too…"  
  
His voice was quiet, I think I had heard him sniffing as well, but none of us pulled away, we just hugged for a while, not talking, I closed my eyes, trying to understand how we had managed to grow so close in such a short time, how I could love some child so much I'd do anything for him.  
  
When I put Niall down, his face was wet with tears, it shocked me a little, so I leaned down, trying to wipe them away before kissing his forehead. "Don't cry, it's not so bad, I'll see you soon. Promise?"  
  
Niall just nodded, sniffing a little, he tried to return my smile a little, I appreciated the afford, really, also that he didn't cling to me and begged me to stay like he had done before, it would've made this a lot worse. I knew it only hurt now because it was just happening, it'd get better again in a few days. I'd just miss something as soon as I'd get home, this had been the downside, that we had gotten too used to each other, too attached.  
  
Since I didn't wanna start crying again because it would've made Niall feel even worse, I said bye to his mother then, not being able to resist and kiss his forehead once more before really leaving or I could just move in with them as well.  
  
I spent the following day trying to contact both Louis and Harry, but no one answered, I decided to see it as a good sign that neither of them seemed to have time, it was Christmas tomorrow after all, maybe they had stumbled under a mistletoe or something.  
  
Also, I wrapped up Niall's present, I had gotten it before driving back home last night, I was pretty sure he'd love me for it, I didn't mind spending my money on him, I had actually used part of what my grandparents had sent me, but that was completely fine. Somehow I had felt bad for not having a present for Louis, Harry and also Zayn, but I had absolutely no idea what any of them would want so I crossed my fingers hoping none of them would actually care.  
  
On monday morning, actually noon because I overslept, I was really excited, not because of Christmas, I didn't care a lot about that, I just wanted to give Niall my present and see his face, also I liked to believe that me coming over would make him happy as well.  
  
There still were no news from Harry and Louis, I wondered if something had happened, maybe Harry had found out how I had been running to Louis and spilling all of his secrets and maybe they hated me now both, which should've upset me more than it did right now, I just couldn't help it.  
  
"It's actually funny how much you like Niall now when you and Zayn used to be best friends." My mum threw in while we were in the car, I had almost not heard her, but she must've thought about how I had gotten Niall a present.  
  
"Yeah, well… Zayn and me kinda changed a lot, I don't know." Well, I did know, we had never been as good as everyone thought we had been.  
  
"I'm a little worried though, when Niall's gonna grow up, he's gonna live his own life and not be so fixed on you anymore." What a great topic.  
  
"Well, I'm gonna be older then as well, I just wanna make sure he's okay for now, that's all." I hated how she was about to bring my mood down, but I didn't wanna fight now, she was probably just really worried.  
  
There was no response, I hoped that nobody would ever bring this up ever again and focused on how it was snowing a little bit outside, it was getting dark now so I couldn't really tell. All I really thought of was how Niall was probably getting whiny because he wasn't allowed to open his presents yet, that nearly made me smile.  
  
When we got there, I tried hard not to open the door while my mum was still parking the car, I tried really hard to keep myself together.  
  
It didn't really work, I couldn't wipe that damn smile off my face when we I rang the doorbell, my mum shook her head at me slowly, but she smirked a little so it was fine.  
  
From the inside I could hear someone yelling something, until that someone came closer to the door and I understood the words all of a sudden. "…and I don't even believe in Santa Clause anymore, Zayn!"  
  
"You don't?" I asked, trying not laugh when Niall's face fell at seeing us, well he was actually only looking at me to be completely exact here.  
  
"Liam!" There was a grin spreading really quickly once he had taken it in, he was only in socks but he came out anyway, not having to wait for me to pick him up immediately. "Are you gonna stay here? Are you gonna celebrate Christmas with us?"  
  
My mum laughed at his voice, he hardly brought the words out that's how fast he talked while looking at me. "Yeah, it was a surprise,"  
  
"Really?! That's so cool, this is the best Christmas ever!" Maybe he shouldn't have said that, but he was just so happy it couldn't dull my mood, I gave him a kiss on his cheek before realizing he was probably cold, so I carried him through the open door, my mum had already gone inside.  
  
"Did you unpack your presents yet?" Judging by how he rolled his eyes after that, he had not. I couldn't laughing as I out him down to take my shoes and jacket off.  
  
"No, Mum said we have to wait until it's seven but it's really unfair because Zayn always knows what he gets and I don't." While talking he had grabbed my hand, pulling me along to the living room. "You have to see our Christmas tree, I helped putting it up, look."  
  
Zayn was actually lying on the couch and texting, he looked at me for a second as I walked in, lifting his hand lazily before going back to his prior activity while my mum and Maura were talking in the kitchen. The tree looked a little messy, I supposed that's what Niall meant with helping, but he was really excited. "It looks really nice, Ni, if I would've known you were so good at this then I would've let you decorate ours as well."  
  
"But it was really exhausting as well and…" He suddenly pulled me down a little, lowering his voice. "I broke three ornaments, but don't tell mum, she thinks they fell off by themselves."  
  
"I'm not gonna say a word, no worries." I had to hold back laughter, he was being so serious about this, it was really cute. "So, are you hoping to get something special?"  
  
"Hmm…" Niall thought a bit about it, letting of my hand to sit on down on a chair, leaving one besides him that I took. "Yes, remember this game I told you about? But I checked all my presents and none has the right shape."  
  
"Well, I wouldn't give up hoping if I were you." Right, I was brilliant at buying presents.  
  
"Zayn said that if I complained Santa would eat all the chocolate that I got, but I don't believe in Santa anymore and it's really Zayn who's stealing my sweets when I'm asleep." Why the hell could I imagine that?  
  
"That's a lie, you always eat everything on the first day and then you blame me." His brother threw in from behind, but Niall ignored him, poking my arm to get my attention back because I had turned around to look at Zayn for a second.  
  
"I got a present for you too and now I don't have to wait until I can give it to you, that's so great!" Wait, HE had a present for me?  
  
"You don't have to give me anything, Ni." Niall was still smiling, nothing would be able to get him down now.  
  
"But I made it in school, I tried really hard." I didn't care what it was but this was so sweet, that he'd give it to ME. "Oh, and also, my mum and me made Christmas cookies yesterday, you have to try some, wait here."  
  
He was up on his feet on his way to the kitchen before I could even say a word, I didn't follow, I was just really glad to be here, even if Zayn looked over at me, probably confused by my happy face but how could I not be?  
  
When Niall came back he seemed a little upset, just sighing slightly after I asked and giving me a plate full of cookies that didn't seem like someone had out a lot of thoughts into the shape. "You can eat them, but mum said I'm not allowed to because we just had dinner before. And she also said that if you would give me some anyway then I'm not allowed to stay up longer today."  
  
This is what I had from non stop feeding him all the stuff he wasn't allowed to have, zero trust. "Oh. I'm sorry, Ni."  
  
"That's okay, just eat them, I made these ones." Never would've guessed that. But Niall was excited so I smiled and did what he told me, he also requested me to tell him how good I found them on a scale from 1 to 10 so he could improve his baking skills, that were his words, exactly. I told him 11.  
  
After Niall had basically updated me with every single thing that had happened the few hours we had been apart, he started to beg his mum in between to let him open his presents already, we were all in the living room now, Zayn hadn't gotten up though and Niall was halftime on my lap and going over to his mum to try out if maybe his puppy face would work this time.  
  
"Fine, Niall, we can go open them up, before you start crying." She laughed but he pouted a little, still going over to the tree though.  
  
"I'm not even crying, I'm not a baby." I held back a chuckle while watching him, there was really no one else who had anything to unpack, I had given my mum her present at home already and all me and Zayn got was money anyway.  
  
So yeah, besides my mum and Maura exchanging some presents, I came to sit on the floor next to Niall when he asked me to, too excited to hold back much longer and just tearing the wrapping paper carelessly.  
  
There was not one thing that he didn't get overly jumpy and happy over, I had left the one I had bought in the pocket of my jacket, I'd give it to him later, when he was done with the ones from his parents. He didn't get too much, but he didn't seem bothered about it, just pumped for anything, really.  
  
"Look, Li, are you gonna watch this with me sometime?! And see, I got socks they're toy story!" This was so cute, I don't think I'd ever meet someone this excited over Christmas as Niall. He jumped up after he was done, leaving all his presents with me, even if I had thought he had two left but when he half jumped over to Zayn, I suddenly knew why they were so badly wrapped, because Niall had done it. "Zayn, look."  
  
"What?" Zayn seemed surprised to see his brother standing in front of the couch all of a sudden, but Niall didn't leave him a lot of time to realize what was going on, he pretty much shoved the present at him, smiling so big his dimples were showing.  
  
"Here, I made it." And he seemed so proud of himself too, it was melting my heart, how could Zayn be so calm.  
  
"Oh. Thanks, Ni." This was about as good as it would get, Niall probably knew, his happiness wasn't dulled by it though because he walked over to his mum, giving her the second present.  
  
"Thank you, mum, for all the stuff." He hugged her quickly, obviously wanting to go again but she held him close for a second, maybe she was tearing up I didn't know.  
  
"Anything for you, Ni. We love you very much, okay? And thank you so much for this, baby." She let go then, I was about to check what Zayn had gotten since he had been busy trying to unwrap it carefully, but Niall popping up in front of me again made me change my mind.  
  
"Liii, are you coming upstairs with me? I got your present there." Actually he was already starting to collect all of his stuff, some things dropping again because he couldn't carry all of it by himself, I quickly got up.  
  
"Yeah, sure, I'll help you, give me something, you're carrying way too much." I would've also offered to carry everything but it seemed that Niall wanted to do it himself, as we walked by Zayn, I threw a look at what he was holding, it was obviously a letter and something else, but I didn't wanna be too curious so I quickly followed Niall to the stairs instead.  
  
"I still need to give you my present as well, Niall. We'll get it once we go back downstairs, okay?" Really, I couldn't wait for him to see, I was probably even more excited about this than what he would give me.  
  
"Okay!" His room was actually cleaned up for once, well, until he told me to just drop everything to the floor while he went through his stuff, I tried to be careful though, sitting on the edge of his bed I waited because it seemed to take a little longer. "Sorry, I didn't wrap it because there was no wrapping paper left and mum said we could only get some more tomorrow." This seemed to be a problem for Niall, he climbed next to me on the bed, reaching out for my hand putting something inside. "This took me forever, and I don't even like this class so much. But I thought you would like it because you have so many wristbands already and they're really pretty."  
  
It was a wristband, green, so that's why he had asked my favorite color, god, this was so cute. I didn't have as many wristbands as he said and they also weren't that pretty, but this one was, especially because it would remind me of him. Not that he would go away, but still, I loved it. "Hey, Ni, come here."  
  
Without waiting for him to react, I wrapped my arms around him, maybe too tight. "Ugh, Li, you're squishing me!"  
  
"Sorry, babe." But I just laughed anyone, maybe letting go a tiny little bit. "Thank you so much, you didn't have to."  
  
"But I wanted to." It sounded really convinced, so I pulled away, keeping my hands on his shoulders, Niall was smiling, I think he was happy that I liked it.  
  
"Help me to tie it?" This would turn out to be difficult with only one hand, Niall agreed but he was not very good at it either so I ended up using my teeth, at least I hadn't broken it or something. "Okay, come on now, you still have to see what I got for you, come on up."  
  
Actually I didn't wait, I was in the best mood now, just picking Niall up, like a baby this time and he giggled, winding in my arms as I carried him out of his door. "Put me down, Li!"  
  
Instead of doing so, I tickled him, causing a lot louder laughter erupting from his mouth, but he started to kick his feet as well, I was forced to put him down or otherwise he might have fallen. "I put a lot of thoughts into this, if you don't like it you have to at least pretend, okay?"  
  
"Oh, but I'm sure I will like it!" Me too, aside from the fact that he liked everything pretty much.  
  
He was really hyper, no idea what from exactly, but I also didn't bother asking, I actually enjoyed it because he was really affectionate now, clinging to my arm while we walked downstairs, was it weird that I was used to this now. "Alright, one second."  
  
The present was not wrapped much nicer than the ones he had given to his mum and Zayn, I guess I should've asked someone for help, but then again, Niall hardly let me wish him Merry Christmas before he had already torn it open, his smile fading.  
  
A few days ago, he had told me about this game one of his classmates had, and that it was really unfair because his mum never got him games for his DS for Christmas, so yeah.  
  
"You like it, right? Why are you so quiet, Ni?" I chuckled, knowing that his face was not showing disappointment at all.  
  
And I turned out to be right, Niall threw his arms around me. "Thank you, thank you so much, you're the best, Li, I love you. But wasn't it too expensive?!"  
  
"No, it wasn't, don't worry about it, babe, I'm just glad you like it." This time, he was jumping up and down for real after pulling away, I think he couldn't actually believe it, but he was smiling nevertheless.  
  
"I don't LIKE it, I love it, thank you so much, Liam." Now that I thought about it, if this was the outcome, I needed to spend more money next time.  
  
"You're very welcome, Ni." I ruffled his hair, chuckling because he was too caught up as to complain about it like he usually would.  
  
Somehow it felt really good to see him getting the most excited about MY present, he ran off suddenly, to the living room, I followed slowly, still smiling because I could hear him very clearly. "Mum, look what Liam got me!"  
  
I was still wondering what Zayn had gotten, he looked a little, I don't know, absent as I walked past, not sparing a look for me, but everyone else did, surprised looks as well. "Wow, Liam, you didn't have to."  
  
"Why not?" By now everyone should've understood that I loved Niall to death, at least I had thought so, he had still not calmed down over this, not even close.  
  
My mum didn't say anything, she just shook her head at me, but there was a smile on her lips, I was glad because I couldn't need any more talks than we had had before in the car.  
  
"I'm allowed to play, right? It's Christmas." Niall cut his mum off as she was about to respond, I don't think anyone could blame him right now, she nodded anyway, so we had Niall letting out some kinda yelp of happiness before disappearing again, I assumed to get his DS.  
  
"Well, at least you didn't give him any sweets." Maura winked at me, but she laughed, I wasn't giving him THAT much, this was really exaggerated. "No worries, Liam, it's fine. Thanks for spoiling him so much."  
  
"No problem." Actually, it was really hard not to.  
  
I thought for a second, realizing that I didn't want to sit with my mum and Niall's, so I walked over to the couch where Zayn was still staring off into space, dropping down next to him, with distance, of course.  
  
He stayed quiet for a while as our mum's kept on talking about something that I probably didn't wanna know, I hadn't expected Zayn to speak up as well, so I flinched a little as he did, even if he was being quiet. "What did Niall give you?"  
  
Instead of answering I pointed to the wristband, hoping that he had gotten something he liked as well, it would feel awkward to receive nicer gifts from his brother than he had. "You?"  
  
There was a short laugh, it didn't sound happy at all though, which got me worried, but Zayn handed the letter over to me, it wasn't much on there to read through, but it made me gulp.  
  
  
  
 _Please don't forget about me when you leave, sorry that I'm annoying sometimes but I love you_  
  
  
  
Niall had tried really hard, he hadn't even made spelling mistakes like usually in every single one of his homeworks, and he had drawn on the letter as well, I could tell how much he had tried, he usually wasn't someone to really care about if it looked nice or not.  
  
Before I could open my mouth, Zayn put something else in my hands, making my stomach turn even more, I didn't get it at first, but Zayn explained it to me, almost whispering. "It's his, mum and dad gave it to him because he had to stay with our grandparents because they were on holiday, he was really little so he was scared. There used to be pictures of mum and dad inside." Now I understood his quietness, after this letter as well but Niall had given him one of those necklaces where you can put small photos inside, and he had obviously cut up the family album because this picture of him and Zayn had been taken a long time ago, I assume because they hadn't taken a picture together in a while. They looked happy though, and cute because Niall had probably only been like four your old. "He gives me a photo, he thinks I'm gonna forget about him. I really messed up, didn't I?"  
  
"No. He loves you, you got it black on white." I handed the items back, trying not think about how tight my throat was, I didn't wanna be Zayn right now.  
  
He was just shaking his head, as if he didn't understand, but he couldn't reply because Niall was coming back, plopping himself right into my lap and probably making everything worse. I would've told him to sit with Zayn but I didn't want to hurt him or make him think I rejected him. "Can you help me when I get stuck, Li?"  
  
"I'll try my best." The truth was that I wasn't really good at video games either, but Niall sprawled himself out on my lap, half lying down, trusting me to not let him slip, I kisses his forehead slightly as he cuddled into me, just as caught up with his DS now than he had always was with this damn game on Harry's phone.  
  
None of us talked for a bit, our mums did but they completely ignored us so they didn't notice the tension, actually there was none however I felt bad for putting my arms around Niall now when Zayn was right next to me deep in thoughts, we didn't look at each other though, I wouldn't have wanted to.  
  
So Niall played for a while, occasionally being proud of himself for finishing a level or sighing when he was bad, I just watched, sometimes helping a little even though it was mostly to make Niall laugh because I was probably even worse than him.  
  
"Boys, listen up for a second." This nearly made me flinch really badly, Niall sighed, but he pressed pause to look over at his mum, it made me smirk to see him this annoyed for being interrupted.  
  
"Why?" Zayn wasn't in the best mood, obviously, I moved a little closer to the end of the couch.  
  
"Alright, this is supposed to be a surprise, Zayn, please don't look at me like you want to kill me." His mum scolded him, it made me really uncomfortable but he just sighed.  
  
"I want to know." Niall's interest was definitely woken, it was so easy to distract him, I was really nervous for what was about to come, but I kept quiet, holding Niall tighter instead.  
  
"Okay, so, we're going to London with Liam and his mum, and also Harry and his mum and his sister. And… Louis, that's his name right?" Oh thank god. Really. Oh god, I felt so lucky right now, I almost felt like Niall after unpacking all of those presents.  
  
"Really?!" Niall was about to jump up, I believed him now when he had told me this was the best Christmas ever, because IT WAS.  
  
"Really?" Zayn repeated his brother, he seemed very unsure, right, wow, this must suck so badly for him.  
  
"Yeah. And Zayn since you're going to move after the break I thought you and Niall should maybe spend a little more time, you're sharing a hotel room, is that okay?" Well, it was okay for ME, but I had a feeling I wasn't the one the question had gotten directed to.  
  
I felt myself tense up, if Niall complained then he'd hurt Zayn really badly, especially now, but the same the other way around, so I just waited, sharing a look with my mum but she shrugged almost invisibly, probably thinking I was gonna throw a fit now because I got the single room.  
  
"Yeah, that's okay." Niall sounded happy, still, but I didn't dare relaxing just yet, I'd slap Zayn now if he said something wrong.  
  
But he didn't surprisingly. Even thought thinking about it now, he had probably thought about his other options, deciding that this was still better than sharing with me or Harry and Louis, he hardly knew them anyway. "Alright."  
  
"Zayn, you'll get to meet Harry and Louis, they're really funny and Louis has a guinea pig and Harry has really cool games on his phone but he tried throwing me into a zebra cage when we were at the zoo." For once, Zayn didn't look annoyed, Niall turned sideways in my lap to talk to him, still leaning against my chest though, not making any attempts to move.  
  
"Yeah, well… I bet they're really nice." Then our eyes met and Zayn kinda looked nervous before he blushed a little. "Isn't he… umm… you know."  
  
Which one, I should've asked that and see his face drop, instead I stayed serious, looking right at him because if this was supposed to turn into something mean I wasn't gonna take any of it. "Yeah, why?."  
  
"Hey, woah, I was just asking, I don't actually care, okay?" Well, I knew that Louis and Harry had ignored me for days now but I still wouldn't let anyone insult them for being gay.  
  
"It's fine." Actually, if he would even think of saying anything to either Louis or Harry, I was pretty sure they would know how to deal with it, they'd also just accept him if he was being completely normal, they did it with everyone, just like with me at the beginning of the school year.  
  
"What's fine?" I was glad that Niall didn't get it, he seemed very confused, I didn't want to answer this really so I put my arms around his waist again, kissing his cheek to make him giggle.  
  
"Why so curious, hm?" He wiggled around a little until I leaned back, snuggling his head against my shoulder then, luckily not asking any more.  
  
"When are we going?" Niall had his feet up on the couch now, probably not even noticing how he put them into Zayn's lap, but I did and I was glad that nothing happened.  
  
"In a few days. Are you happy?" I asked, because I truly cared, his face was not to be mistaken, but I liked hearing it.  
  
"Yes! A lot." Good, that was the main thing to me, I could deal with everything else then, so I leaned my cheek against his head when he started playing on his DS again, relieved that Zayn had relaxed as well, he was on his phone again, not looking like attending a funeral any longer.  
  
We stayed really long actually, Zayn left for his room, saying he had to call his girlfriend, but he went to hug Niall as his brother stretched his arms out towards him which made me really happy, I liked seeing them getting along better, Niall deserved it.  
  
At about eleven or something, Niall fell asleep on my lap, I went ahead to save his game or he'd be really pissed in the morning before just staying like this, holding him close, appreciating the fact that I could to be here and that he was alright, sleeping peacefully while snuggling into me.  
  
Well, at least I thought hat he was sleeping, I had just been stroking his cheek for a while, not even noticing it anymore when my mum suggested we should probably leave. "Okay, I'll carry Niall upstairs."  
  
"I can do it as well if you want to." His mum offered, I wanted to tell her that I got it but there was no need to anymore.  
  
"Noo. Liam." Niall sounded really tired, he also didn't open his eyes but rather wrapped his arms around my neck loosely, face nuzzled in my shirt, making it pretty clear that he wanted me to carry him.  
  
"I think I got it…" I mumbled, trying not to talk too loudly, because despite the fact that Niall had obviously not been too deeply asleep, he should be.  
  
"Alright, I'll wait for you down here." This would probably take me a little, I still nodded anyway, readjusting Niall in my arms to steady him more, it came automatically, I was used to this by now.  
  
Niall didn't talk anymore while I walked upstairs slowly, he was breathing against my neck now, pretty even, I hated knowing I'd have to wake him up again for changing his clothes, but he wouldn't like sleeping in jeans, I knew what I was talking about.  
  
I heard laughter from Zayn's room, he had been talking to his girlfriend for two hours now, I didn't know who she was but I was kinda glad that she managed to cheer him up, as much as me and Zayn didn't get along, I didn't like to see people suffer right next to me, especially not if they meant something to Niall.  
  
When I reached his room, I had to make a big step over his Christmas presents on the floor before reaching his bed and putting him down carefully while I remained on the edge, watching him for a bit before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, which made him squirm, eyes flattering open slowly. "Should we change your clothes?"  
  
"Mhmm…" He sat up, with a lot of my help, getting onto his feet which nearly made him fall so I made sure he was standing between my legs, he hardly managed to take his clothes off either, not even talking about getting dressed again but we did it somehow.  
  
"Come on, you'll fall asleep on the floor, Ni." There was no complainant of any sort, he snuggled up under his blanket immediately, reaching out for my hand but his eyes were half closed, voice too slow.  
  
"Thank you for the present and… I'm so happy you were here, Li… can't wait for…" I never heard the end, Niall slept in mid-sentence, looking like a baby.  
  
"Goodnight, babe." For a little bit, I stayed there, watching him sleep, brushing over his hair slightly, I couldn't believe how fucking relieved I was and excited for the same thing that Niall had been trying to say before his tiredness had cut him off.  
  
I felt truly happy, it seemed like despite everything things were starting look brighter finally.  
  
\------

  
"So…how've you been?" Well, this had been unexpected.  
  
"Good. More interesting, how have you been?" Harry seemed kinda nervous, it was undoubtedly that something had happened, I had heard from neither him nor Louis since friday and it was thursday now, I wasn't hurt or anything, it was just… interesting.  
  
"Good… ummm… how was Christmas?" We were waiting outside the restrooms at the airport, everyone else was seated somewhere but Niall was nervous since he had only been on a plane once so I had decided to take his mind off and walk around a little, Harry and Louis had come along, because Niall didn't notice how they could hardly look at me without blushing of course, it had been hilarious.  
  
"Great, I got to spend it with Niall, so. Wait… are you shaking?" I nearly laughed at this, the distance he kept to me was ridiculous anyway but this was getting a little weird.  
  
"I'm not…I'm… sorry that… I forgot to text back." Forgot. Actually I had stopped messaging him anyway, I had been busy the last few days so I hadn't really noticed anyway.  
  
"That's fine, I was just a little worried." Harry still seemed a little guilty, but he relaxed I think, even if he didn't say anything else, but it was probably just because Louis and Niall came out of the restroom again, Niall having his mouth open like always, probably updating him on his life, it was quite funny too because Louis was trying so hard not to meet my eyes.  
  
"…and I'm really happy because Liam said it's okay if I sit next to him on the plane and I missed you and Harry and what did you get for Christmas?" At the last question, Louis and Harry looked at each other so obviously there was no chance I could've missed it, I had my theories to this, I just hoped they would turn out right.  
  
"Hey, Ni, let Louis breathe for a bit, okay?" He shrugged, coming over to me when I smiled and reaching out for my hand.  
  
"There are too many people, I'm gonna get lost." I squeezed his hand because I knew very well how he got in crowds, and obviously it was even worse shortly before going onto a plane, I hoped he'd calm down until then.  
  
"No, you're not. Just don't let go of my hand, okay?" It didn't feel like he would, he was nearly squishing it in both of his. "Are you still nervous?"  
  
"A little bit." Niall lied, he leaned closer into me now, watching some people walking by.  
  
"It's fine, Ni. Let's go get something to drink, alright?" Then I remembered Louis and Harry were still there as well, even if they were standing further away just so they wouldn't have to start a conversation with me. No idea what the big deal was, if they really hooked up then I was probably the last person to be surprised by this. "You guys gonna come too?"  
  
"Wh- oh. Yeah. Sure." See what I mean, I'd like to think they'd told me if Niall hadn't been here as well but probably not, maybe they were embarrassed or something.  
  
Walking through an airport with these three turned out to be more difficult than I had thought, Niall was constantly looking around and scared of getting too close to strangers while Louis tried to be funny and brighten the mood because Harry didn't even walk next to me, I didn't care honestly, I half heartedly forced myself to laugh at Louis' jokes, mostly focusing on calming down Niall.  
  
"Hey, Ni, it's all good, okay? Here's your coke." I had Louis open it because Niall refused to let go of my hand, but at least he agreed to drinking something. "Look, we're not going to on the plane for a long time. And nothing can happen, I've been on planes for a few time."  
  
"It is more likely to die in a car accident than have a plane crash." Oh god.  
  
"What?!" Great, Harry had managed to get make Niall's eyes nearly pop out, if there had been any color left in his face, it was gone now.  
  
"He has no idea what he's talking about, Ni, don't listen to him." Despite the fact that he was wrong, I glared at Harry, making him half hide behind Louis and look down immediately. "It can't even crash."  
  
"Why?" No idea what I was even talking about, I just wanted Niall to not be scared anymore and for everyone else to shut their mouth for one second.  
  
"Because I say so." Yeah, that is what you call good reasoning, it's just, Niall believed mostly everything that I said.  
  
"What a good argument…" Harry mumbled somewhere from behind Louis, he was obviously pissed because I had snapped at him, but who was telling kids that driving in a car was dangerous when they had to do it every single day.  
  
"I'd like to hear your argument for not texting back six days." This probably came out as if I was pouting because of it, which was not true at all, I didn't even want to heard a response, just pulling Niall along before he would ask what we were talking about.  
  
"Are you mad at Harry?" Of course he would ask anyway.  
  
"No. I'm just… tired. Sorry." I wasn't tired at all, but I needed a reason so I quickly smiled down at Niall, kissing the top of his head so he'd stop worrying.  
  
"I'm tired too…" Niall leaned his head against my arm, he sounded worriedly quiet and beaten down, probably sad as well, all of the things I hated.  
  
"You should sleep on the plane, babe. It'll go by faster this way as well." Even if it only were like 45 minutes or so, I think even ten would be too long for Niall.  
  
"No… I can't sleep. I couldn't sleep last night either because I was nervous and I didn't want to wake up Zayn or mum." I hated hearing bout this, every situation that I could've saved if I had been there was bugging me like this.  
  
"Why not?" We had like, ten minutes left before boarding, so I was leading Niall back to where everyone else was, I didn't feel like sitting with them so I slowed down, partly also because Niall could hardly keep up since he didn't want to stop half ripping my arm off and snuggling against it.  
  
"Because mum always bugs me about it for a week after and Zayn never lets me sleep in his bed." He rubbed his eye now, sleepily, not looking up at me. This reminded me of the one night I had slept over in Zayn's room and Niall had come in telling me Zayn hated to get woken up by him. "And I wanted you anyway."  
  
"You know what, next time you can't sleep you just call me." I couldn't drive over at night obviously but we could talk, I hated knowing he'd have to stay up all by himself, besides hearing this was driving me insane, this was cute, yeah, but bloody nerve wrecking as well because I couldn't help.  
  
"What if it's really late?" Right, I needed to stop muting my phone over night now.  
  
"I don't care, just call me until I pick up, okay?" I hated being woken up by my phone but I'd be able to get over this, I had to.  
  
"Okay. Thank you." I stopped him then, letting go of his hand which made him complain for a second but it quickly stopped when I picked him up instead, he looked like he'd trip or something, besides there really were a lot of people now, didn't want him to freak out more than necessary.  
  
"No problem. Also counts for now, you know… " Just for the record, I was NOT trying to get him to share a room with me instead of Zayn. But I wouldn't have minded it. And he had said it himself, Zayn wasn't a big help in those situations, I was just being reasonable.  
  
"Okay…" Now that I was carrying him he was just getting even more tired so I decided to let him be for a bit, hoping he'd sleep in somehow despite all those background noises.  
  
He didn't. Also, he got a little upset about getting onto the plane, not that he'd make a scene or something, but he clearly didn't want to, making me carry him inside there as well even if his mum told him he could walk by himself because he was a big boy, that made everything worse. My methods probably weren't really correct since I always gave in to a sad face but nobody tried to tell me to change them because at least I was able to calm him down, as the only one I might add.  
  
"Ni, don't be so upset, you got to sit next to the window, didn't you?" The problem was he wasn't upset but terrified which was even harder to handle.  
  
Nobody should be surprised by Louis and Harry sitting somewhere far off in the plane next to each other, with Zayn, which was quite strange since I was actually between Niall and Gemma, who I caught turning around to look at her brother more than once, she was probably just as confused about him and Louis as me. Besides that, I had met her for the first time today and knew nothing about her, but she was being nice to Niall that was a plus point.  
  
"And you're the only one who got gummy bears when walking in." She threw in, which surprised me a lot but Niall didn't even flinch, he didn't know her either but she didn't seem to be such a big problem as everyone else, maybe because he had seen her an Harry get along pretty well and he loved Harry.  
  
"I'm not upset. I'm tired." Great, after me using this as excuse he was doing it too, it obviously was not the main problem here, but making everything a little worse. "And I don't like gummy bears, you can have them."  
  
"I'd gladly accept that offer but Liam seems to be out for them as well." Maybe jokes would work, at least she tried.  
  
"You do like them, Nialler, come on, at least stop staring out the window." Because that's what he had been doing, pretending that he couldn't see us or didn't feel my hand when I rubbed his back slightly.  
  
When no reaction came back, I gave up with a sigh, continuing to play with his hair though, I knew he'd stop ignoring me as soon as the plane would move the tiniest inch, but for now he was being stubborn.  
  
"Liam." I hadn't expected Gemma to talk to me at all, but I had somehow figured out how she had gotten here next to us, she was sick of Harry and Louis acting like love sick puppies. "You don't happen to know where the hell my brother has been for the past few days, do you?"  
  
"Wait, you don't know either?" Well, now we got it confirmed.  
  
"I'm having assumptions." She mumbled, turning around once again, but only for a second because the plane started moving and I forgot to answer because Niall immediately let out tiny yelp before burying his face in my chest, fingers twisted into my shirt.  
  
"Hey, it's okay, it's all good, I promise. We'll be there in no time, you won't even notice that we're flying." Since I got no answer, I sighed, putting my arm around him as well, keeping him close. "Nothing can happen when I'm here, remember?"  
  
"Yeah." Niall croaked into my shirt, it didn't sound very convinced, not at all actually, but it was still better than getting nothing but silence and a shaking little boy in my arms that I was unable to calm down.  
  
"Just be glad there won't be any storms or he'd be worse…" Well, yeah, Gemma was right, that would've probably made Niall freak the fuck out but we still had to go back in a few days as well, I'd have to make sure he'd be asleep for this one.  
  
I let Niall snuggle up to me for a while without saying something, I was glad that he didn't cry or get really loud, but maybe his silent way of suffering was even worse, I don't know, all I knew was that it hurt me to feel him shaking this much. There was nothing I could've done so I hugged him and whispered things to him that I thought were nice to hear even if they probably were just my very desperate attempts to help.  
  
It got a little better after the start, even if Niall remained like this, refusing to sit up just a little bit. "If you get sick you gotta tell me, okay?"  
  
"I'm not…" This sounded just really sleepy, he sniffed a bit, rubbing his eye with his knuckles, yawning quietly at the same time.  
  
"Try and sleep, Ni, you're so tired. I'll wake you when we're there." Actually, I wanted to sleep as well, nobody talking was getting me pretty sleepy like, I could hear other people talking but they were further away, Gemma had her eyes closed, listening to music and Niall was all snuggly and warm now, yawning constantly.  
  
"But don't go away." Luckily I didn't think i'd have to use the toilet so I could easily promise him, continuing to rub his cheek with my thumb, looking out of the window for a while before deciding it would be a good idea to close my eyes as well.  
  
In the end, all the three of us slept in, which was kinda stupid considering that we'd have to do walking today and that it only was for forty minutes or so, it was actually Harry who woke us, well, his sister, but I heard him. "Guys, come on, we don't wanna be last."  
  
"Why don't you and Louis go ahead and pass the time a little?" This was great, she could say all the stuff that I was just thinking.  
  
"Are we there yet?" Niall rubbed his eyes, sitting up, pretty confused, there were prints of my shirt on his cheek and his hair was messy as heel so of course I pressed a kiss to his cheek.  
  
"Yeah. See, wasn't that bad at all, right? And you got to take a nap as well." He nodded, smiling slightly when I pressed a light kiss to his forehead, brushing the hair out of his face.  
  
While we got our stuff, Harry just remained next to us, he was obviously pouting over what Gemma had said but somehow it still didn't make him leave, he just ignored her prior question. "Why didn't you switch seats with Zayn?"  
  
"Are you seriously mad because of that?" Now that I thought about it, where were Louis and Zayn? There were a few people still on the plane, we'd probably be the last but no one else we knew was still there, not even our mums.  
  
"Not because of you, but Louis just took off with Zayn, Zayn' pretty cool I guess but…" Oh.  
  
"He still likes you more, Haz, there's probably a good explanation for that." I threw in, silently praying that I was right while keeping my hand on Niall's shoulder as he walked towards the exit in front of me, so I'd be ready to catch him in case he tripped or something.  
  
"Maybe I don't wanna hear an explanation…" He mumbled from behind, I looked back to meet Gemma's eyes, she nodded at me, we were both thinking the same, her assumptions were perfectly correct.  
  
Since I didn't know what to say, I stayed quiet, cursing Louis in my mind, I was glad that Zayn got along with him because then I wouldn't have to feel obliged to pretend that we were really good friends but it was still pretty annoying now. At least Harry talked to me again, but only because he was pissed off.  
  
It was really cold outside and Niall had trouble with the stairs, I just carried him without even spending a thought on it, in all honestly I couldn't have cared less if someone told me again to stop babying him because I definitely would not do it.  
  
Behind us, Gemma tried to get Harry to talk to her, but all he did was shrug and say that he understood why Louis would like Zayn better than him anyway, dramatizing the whole thing, it was pretty unrealistic for Louis to become so fond of someone in a time period of 45 minutes.  
  
Still, their stupid little games were getting onto my nerves, so I made sure to reach Louis as the first, he was standing next to my mum, waiting for our luggage to come out, Zayn was off on his phone somewhere, they probably hadn't even walked out together after all.  
  
I grabbed Louis' arm quickly, glad that Niall was holding on so tightly because I had only one arm free to hold him now. "You better fix this Lou."  
  
"What?" When he seemed confused, I nodded into Harry's direction, he had made sure to stand the farthest away as possible, throwing glances at us even if he pretended that he had been staring at something behind us as soon as we noticed. "I didn't do anything, I had to use the toilet pretty badly, why's he mad at me?!"  
  
"Because of Zayn." This was getting ridiculous.  
  
"It's not my fault that we had to pee at the same time." He sighed anyway, ruffling Niall's hair a little before turning to go over to his best friend.  
  
"Did Harry tell Lou that he loves him?" Niall obviously got what was going on, I was just glad he kept his promise that he wouldn't say anything in front of them.  
  
"I'm not so sure, Ni. You could ask him, when Louis isn't around." This was actually a great idea, Niall could be so sensitive and cute, it wasn't easy to reject him when he asked questions, and he'd for sure come and tell me afterwards. It's not that I was so desperate to know about their love life, it'd be easier to help if I at least knew what was going on, that was all.  
  
"You want me to go spy for you?" Or maybe put it this way.  
  
I looked at Niall, he seemed to like this idea, so I just nodded, smiling back. "Sort of."  
  
"Okay." There was nothing he wouldn't do for me, was there. I'd never use it to my advantage, I mean, there was nothing bad about helping two people to realize they're perfect for each other.  
  
It took us forever to get to the hotel, Louis and Harry made peace, Niall took around ten naps on me and Zayn stuck to me now because he probably realized that he had caused tension, even if I don't think that he could have cared less about getting Harry mad, Zayn was not the kind of person you could impress with drama.  
  
"Li, can I come look at your room later?" Niall was probably the most excited about finding out that his and Zayn's room was nearly next to mine, I was glad too, I couldn't need him running around through the whole hotel. Also, I was relieved to find out Louis and Harry were ten doors away from me, the walls were pretty thick as well.  
  
"Sure, babe. But help Zayn a little, okay? I'll see you in a second." Not that Zayn needed any help, but I don't know how he'd think about his brother only coming to their room for going to sleep later.  
  
When Niall had disappeared inside, I walked over to my own room, I was kinda glad to be alone after all, everything else would've felt weird, the only one I'd be okay with sharing would be Niall and to be honest, I had a feeling he'd at least stay in my room for one night, maybe more. Zayn wasn't good at calming him down and Niall wasn't good at lasting without nightmares for this long.  
  
I did exactly nothing besides lying down on my bed, hoping that I wouldn't sleep in since we wanted to look around a little in a bit, it wasn't that late, but I felt like dying because of my lack of sleep.  
  
The knock on my door sounded a lot firmer than Niall could've ever managed, I still told whoever was there to come inside though. It was Harry.  
  
"Are you coming to tell me that I have been right the whole time?" According to his face, that was not the reason, I sat up anyway, hoping that the room would stop spinning, I was that tired.  
  
"No. I came to tell you we're all going out." Then he looked around in my room for a bit as I didn't get onto my feet immediately. "You could've shared a room with me and Louis as well, you know."  
  
"I prefer getting up without slipping on used condoms, thanks." Of course it was a joke, but Harry blushed incredibly hard at this. "Come on, I was kidding."  
  
"I-I know… we should get going." This was weird, he just walked right out. One second… did they hook up, AGAIN?!  
  
I felt awkward thinking of stuff like this when Niall came running right up to me downstairs in the lobby, but I couldn't just get those thoughts to go away, normally Harry at least rolled his eyes at me or pretended to be mad at me, sometimes he even enjoyed those comments, not today, rather weird.  
  
Nothing interesting happened that day, I thought about telling Niall to go talk to Harry for a little bit but he was sleepy and seemed too happy about holding my hand so I decided we should walk a few steps behind everyone, I liked when it was just us and when he was in a good mood and just talked nonstop.  
  
\-----  
  
The next day, I had nearly forgotten about all of the problems there seemed to be within the group, mostly because I was simple satisfied with holding Niall's hand in mine, not paying much attention to what anyone else was doing.  
  
"Zayn snores, Li." Ah, yes, good memories. Not.  
  
"I'm sorry. Weren't you able to sleep?" Of course, he would've come over to my room if that had happened, I wouldn't have needed to ask.  
  
"No, I slept in before him but this morning it was pretty annoying. I tried waking him but he told me to shut up." Great, you could blame it on him being asleep but then again, I wouldn't ever tell Niall that, not even if I'd be about to die.  
  
"He didn't mean it, he was just really tired probably, don't think about it. Today is gonna be a good day, I promise." Well, Niall wasn't so keen on sightseeing from what I've heard, but we had been walking around for an hour now and so far he hadn't complained.  
  
"Hey, Li, are you coming with us? We're gonna go around alone for a while." Louis interrupted my conversation with Niall, I can't say I had an idea what he was talking about, but obviously he referred to him, Harry and Gemma with 'we'. What about Zayn?  
  
"Sure, ummm…. where's Zayn?" He seemed to be gone somehow, our mums were there but not Zayn.  
  
"He went off to meet up with some friend of his, he lives here or something. Anyway, come on. I really don't wanna have to pose for any more photos." Harry lowered his voice at the last sentence, he was probably talking about how his mum made him and Gemma stand in front of every single building that looked remotely interesting.  
  
"Yeah, alright…" Actually, I didn't care with whom I'd walk around, I just automatically assumed that Niall would come too, so I didn't bother asking first.  
  
"Ni, you wanna walk with me for a while?" Maura stopped us, I wish she hadn't because Niall would throw a fit. "Maybe they wanna have a bit time for themselves…"  
  
"No, but I wanna go with Liam, mum." See?  
  
"It's really okay, I'm taking care of him, nothing's gonna happen." Sure, the situations as different seeing as we were in another city I didn't really know but I had gotten him to take care of for a week before, I should be able to manage it.  
  
"No worries, Mrs. Horan, we won't do anything that Niall shouldn't see." I would slapped Louis for that cheeky comment, but then he also winked at Niall and I was speechless, because who would agree after that.  
  
"Call me immediately if something happens?" Niall's mum, obviously.  
  
"Of course, come on Niall, I'll let you taste some vodka when your mum's out of sight." Louis was joking, at least I hoped so, Niall seemed pretty thrilled by this anyway, not me and his mum though.  
  
I threw a look at her before we turned to go, just shrugging, to show her that Louis was talking a lot of shit, she seemed worried, couldn't blame her for that, but at least Niall was happy, which was the main thing and I'd keep my word at least, if anyone really thought about giving him alcohol, it would be the last thing they'd do.  
  
It wasn't a big surprised that Gemma ended up with me and Niall, while Louis and Harry were being disgustingly cute in front of us, they had decided we should go visit the London Dungeon and I had found no argument that would not make Niall yell at me that he wasn't a baby and that he wouldn't be scared.  
  
"Harry is not telling me anything, it's really frustrating. I'm so close to finally get him to stop fangirling over Louis every single day. He sometimes calls me up when I'm in college." This was calming, I wasn't the only one who was bothered by this.  
  
"Li, should I go talk to Harry?" Niall was slightly tugging on my arm, I remembered what we had talked about yesterday, it still seemed to be a good idea besides he seemed desperate to help.  
  
"Yeah… but only when Louis is not around or distracted, okay?" Right now, it seemed like nothing could part them.  
  
"You're sending Niall?" Gemma laughed at me, probably thinking it was pretty dumb, but no, Harry had the tendency to talk to Niall as if he was the same age, god damn it, he had told him he was thinking about Louis in the freaking shower!  
  
"Unless you don't want this to finally stop, then yes." It probably wouldn't work, because nothing ever seemed to work, I'd give up after this, if they hadn't used Christmas they also wouldn't get over themselves on new year in three days. How many good changes did they want to let pass by?  
  
Niall was lying to me about not being terrified to shit in the London Dungeon, I had to carry him after the first room, all he did was burying his face in my neck so he wouldn't have to see anything, but he could hear the actors so that was a problem, I tried to be comforting, whispering things in his ear and stroking his back, but all that helped in the end was when it was over.  
  
"Aww, Ni, were you scared?" Harry didn't sound as if he was making fun of him at all, I had put Niall down now because he seemed to be better but I guess you could still see it in his face.  
  
"No, I wasn't." Of course, he hadn't admitted it to me, he also wouldn't admit it to anyone else.  
  
"Well, I was, you can be proud of yourself for going through." GOING was maybe the wrong term, everyone had seen me carrying a scared Nialler. "Come on, I'll show you something."  
  
Niall looked at me quickly, but then he went with Harry, twisting their hands together, I had told him not to let mine go because of the amount of people, he seemed to understand he should do the same with Harry.  
  
"Now, let's see if he can make him talk." Gemma was suddenly all for the 'Let's send the kid and see what happens', maybe she was desperate and had run out of ideas, i couldn't blame her.  
  
"What are you two talking about?" Right, Louis was still there too, he watched Harry and Niall from the distance a little before coming over to us,  a little confused to see us sitting next to each other on a wall.  
  
"Stuff." I replied, no idea how I should have explained this anyway.  
  
"Harry is gonna kill both of you if there's something going on, I-"  
  
"Shut up, Louis. I'm not killing you for crushing on my brother, do I." But why did everyone assume I was hooking up with everyone that I talked to, they had asked me the same thing with Zayn as well when in reality I had never had a relation in my life.  
  
"You told her?!" Louis was freaking out for nothing at all, we both stared at him in shock for getting this loud all of a sudden, was he dumb?!  
  
"No, but congratulations, you just spilled it yourself." As if it had been a secret in the first place.  
  
"I… well, that's none of your business anyway. So, what are we gonna do after Haz and Ni come back?" He just changed topic, sitting down next to me, pretending nothing had happened and putting up a happy face. "I'm for eating."  
  
"Yeah, we could do that… but where did they go anyway?" I felt pretty irresponsible for not knowing, like, it was somehow my duty to keep an eye on Niall, because I always did.  
  
"No idea. But we've been to London before, I think Harry knows where he went." Wow, this was not calming at all after being the one to find out the right underground stations because nobody knew how to read a map.  
  
Also, they were completely out of my sight, there were so many people, I would've gone looking for them but I'd get lost myself in the end, maybe Gemma was right, maybe Harry knew what he was doing. Or not.  
  
"We should go-"  
  
"Jesus, Liam, Harry is capable of handling a child." How would Louis know that though?  
  
"But is he capable of finding back here? Maybe we should call him. Just to be sure." I was about to take my phone out, only to realize that my battery was empty. How unfortunate, I couldn't call Harry now, which wasn't the biggest problem, it was that I was the only one who had Niall's number. "Shit."  
  
"If it's so important, then I will call him, god…" Well that would be a good fucking idea since we've been waiting for half an hour now, doing mindless smalltalk while I freaked out every five minutes because why the hell was no one worried?!  
  
Both Louis and Gemma rolled their eyes at me, but Gemma took out her phone anyway, her face seemed pretty unimpressed as she waited for her brother to pick up while I felt like she should call an ambulance as well because I was about to have a heart attack. "Yes, Harry, where are you guys, Liam is pissing himself and… wait, what?!"  
  
"I told you this would happen!" As soon as Gemma's face crumbled the tiniest bit, I jumped up, about to just go look for them myself, but Louis came after me, grabbing my arm.  
  
"Wait. You don't know what he's telling her, we can't split up or in the end we will-"  
  
"Oh, shut up, will you? Any of you could handle getting lost for a while, but Niall can't, he's scared of crowds, scared of strangers, hell, he's scared of everything and I can't even call him, Louis. I promised I'd take care of him, this shouldn't have happened, I shouldn't have let him go without me." Embarrassing enough, I was tearing up now, making Louis' face get a little softer, he was still holding me.  
  
"Calm down, okay? Let's just listen to what Harry's gonna tell Gemma." About the most stupid idea I had ever heard, I didn't even want to think about what could happen in those minutes that we were wasting here, I would've called the police right away if my fucking phone would've still be working.  
  
"Okay, bye." This didn't sound good at all, shit.  
  
"What did he say?" Louis was nervous, I heard it in his voice, well, he SHOULD be, because we could've called them much sooner, but no, I was the one overreacting.  
  
"He… he lost Niall." PERFECT.  
  
"And he's telling us NOW?! He's such an-"  
  
"Liam, stop. That's exactly why he didn't call us earlier and went looking for him himself first, because he knew you'd freak out and-"  
  
"Yeah, well, I have every right to, finally let me go Louis, I have to find him." Oh god, WHY?! Niall couldn't handle this, out of every single person, he was the last one, he was probably crying and all by himself and waiting for me to come and get him like I always did, this was KILLING ME!  
  
"Okay, yeah, but we'll meet up exactly here in thirty minutes, okay? Liam, seriously now, and here, take my phone as well." Finally, there was one smart thing to come out of Louis' mouth, I wanted to take off after slipping his phone in my pocket but he stopped me once more to my annoyance. "They went over there, there has to be some kind of place where there's ice cream, but Niall could be anywhere."  
  
Yeah, because this was helping me now, I just brushed his hand off, squeezing myself threw people while my eyes were burning with tears.  
  
One problem was that I felt like I had failed, I mean, I had, I had known better but still not stopped Niall from going with Harry because I was such an idiot who thought that maybe Harry would tell him everything he was keeping from me and his sister, the bigger problem was that it was NIALL, and he was only a baby, this was like the feeling I had had after not finding him in front of the sports place. But it was different now, there were so many more options, much worse stuff as well, I should've called Maura but I couldn't bring myself to. Besides, we didn't even have HER number.  
  
I found the place Louis had been talking about, also a lot of people stared at me as if I had lost my mind, I was very close, trust me.  
  
There was no sight of Niall, I called out for him a few times, remembering that he probably wouldn't have heard me. IF he had even gotten lost, maybe he had been kidnapped. Or run over by a car. Or fallen into the Th-  
  
"Liam!" It wasn't Niall unfortunately, it was Harry.  
  
His face looked like he had been crying pretty badly, he looked worked up in general, good, he deserved. "What the hell were you thinking?!"  
  
"Nothing! It wasn't my fault, Li! You know how he is, there was this little puppy and he wanted to look at it and-"  
  
"Then you go fucking look at this puppy with him and not let go of his hand, are you stupid, he's eleven!" I was losing it completely now, in reality I wasn't even that mad at Harry, I just wanted to throw myself off Tower Bridge.  
  
"I'm sorry, Liam, please, let's just go looking for him." My harsh voice seemed to intimate him, he kept his distance after I gave him a short nod, trying to hold in all my insults for him, i could safe them for later.  
  
"How long has he been missing?" It couldn't be that long but one fucking minute would've caused me to lose my shit.  
  
"Twenty minutes now, I promise, I looked for him, I asked people walking by, does he have a phone?" Here was the part where I was the one to blame, for not charging my phone because I thought it'd be unnecessary.  
  
"He does. But I'm the only one who has his number but my phone went off. Unless we wanna call his mother to explain that I was stupid enough to lose her son we can't call him. Besides that, now that I think about it he probably left his phone in the hotel." Great, this was awesome.  
  
We didn't find him, Gemma and Louis didn't have any luck either, I refused to go back to our meet up place after half an hour, I was full on crying now, so much Harry stopped me all of a sudden to just pull me into a hug. No idea where we even were at this point, nowhere near Niall, that was for sure. "Hey, Li, listen. We'll call my mum now and she'll ask Maura for Niall's number, okay? And if he doesn't pick up we'll call the police, but we'll find him, okay, I… wait."  
  
"What?" It was embarrassing enough that I sniffed into Harry's shoulder, but he let go  of me so abruptly that I nearly fell forward.  
  
"Is that Ni-"  
  
I didn't wait for him to finish his sentence, just looking into the same direction, wiping over my eyes to have a better sight. Holy shit, HOW THE HELL WAS HE SO CALM, THAT WAS NIALL.  
  
This was how I nearly died and caused an accident, because I ignored the red light, actually I didn't because I didn't notice the street so I guess I wasn't the one to blame here. It definitely was Niall, he was all alone, sitting on the steps to this really popular church or whatever, face buried in his arms, probably crying like hell now. It made me mad that nobody went up to him and asked what was up, on the other hand, I was here now, he didn't need some stranger's help.  
  
"Ni, hey, babe, it's me…" I actually got down onto my knees in front of him, not having enough strength to talk louder, I felt tears streaming down my face, of relief this time, because holy fucking shit.  
  
"L-Liam!?" His face shot up immediately, he was crying even more than I was, I could barely understand his voice before he flung himself at me. "I-I'm s-sorry..."  
  
"Hey, shhshh, nothing happened, look at me, please." As much as I wanted to keep on holding him, I had to pull away and check whether he was hurt anything, Niall didn't want to but I was stronger than him, keeping my hands on his arms to look him directly into the face, searching for any signs. "Did you get hurt? Did anybody do something to you? Please, talk to me, Ni."  
  
"N-Nothing h-happened… I-I j-just w-wanted … a-and t-then…" It was impossible to get a whole sentence out of him, hell, I was still crying myself, it was no wonder that he was sobbing so I tried to dry his cheeks a little with my thumbs, cupping his face to press a few kisses onto his forehead.  
  
"Okay, it's all good, okay? I found you, I'm here, I won't let you out of my sight now, I swear to god." Niall sniffed, reaching out, I thought he wanted to hug me again, but instead he lightly touched my cheek.  
  
"D-Don't c-cry, Li…" This made everything just worse, I sat down properly now, pulling him into my lap so his head was tugged under my chin, rocking him in my arms after tightening them as much as I thought would be alright.  
  
"I'm not crying, I never cry, everything's fine, it's all good." No idea whom I was trying to calm down, I was so relieved, this felt like a miracle, because how the hell should we have ever found him here, it was pretty much impossible, but he was in my arms and things were alright. That didn't make any of us stop crying though.  
  
When Harry finally came after me, he just hung up his phone, dropping next to me, not saying anything but just hugging both of us at once, his head on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Ni, I didn't want to lose you, I swear, I should've payed more attention…"  
  
"W-Was m-my f-fault…" Niall sobbed into my neck, I hugged him tighter then, nearly laughing because of how I felt now.  
  
"It was nobody's fault, it doesn't matter, we found you and you won't get lost anymore because you'll stay with me from now on." And I sure as hell would not even risk something like this happening ever again, I had thought my life was over, that we'd never find him again, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself, what would I be doing without my Nialler?  
  
"The others are gonna be here as soon as they can…" Harry remained with his head on my shoulder, I didn't mind it now, I don't think anything could've happened hat would've upset me, Niall was in my lap, everything was unimportant.  
  
"You got a tissue, Haz?" Niall was wetting the front of my shirt, not that I cared but I didn't think it was very comfortable like this.  
  
"Yeah…" He was sniffing now, too, his eyes were a little watery as he leaned away to reach into his pocket. "Here."  
  
"Thanks… Ni, baby, you gonna look at me quickly? Please." His face was breaking my heart, I could hardly convince him to let go of me for a tiny bit, Harry used the chance that Niall wasn't all wrapped up in my arms anymore to kiss his forehead, i knew how guilty he was, I wouldn't blame him for it. "Nialler, you don't have to cry anymore, you're safe now. I know it's been scary, babe, but it was good that you just stayed here, okay? You didn't do anything wrong."  
  
"I thought t-that…I'd n-never see you a-again…" The thing was, I had thought that too, but I shushed him quietly, drying his cheeks a little more before pulling him close to my chest again, pretending that I had it all together.  
  
"Niall, I would never let that happen, I will always look for you, do you think I could carry on without you? No. You know how much you mean to me, don't you? I'll always take care of you and I would never ever let you go missing, babe, I love you so much." I think he really needed the reassuring, plus I really needed to say it out loud, to convince myself, because before I had been close to giving up.  
  
"I love you too." Niall sniffed, his hair was tickling my bare throat when he nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. "And you too, Harry."  
  
"Love you too, Ni…" We were all so beaten down that it didn't seem weird to any of us, really, I actually found this really calming, because we were here and safe and we all loved each other, this sounded emotional as hell but it was true, I just wanted to snuggle Niall.  
  
I guess Harry was somehow feeling the same, he reached out for Niall's hand since he was in my lap, leaving Harry out somehow, but it worked like this because Niall took it, which was really sweet, it made my heart ache even worse actually, I never wanted to move again.  
  
When Gemma and Louis came, they didn't seem as devastated as us, well, they had had time to calm down besides I don't think that this had really gotten to Gemma, she didn't know Niall after all. "Are you guys… alright? Did anything else happen? You all look like somebody died."  
  
"No… we're fine. Should we get going?" Harry cleared his throat, letting go of Niall slowly to stand up, pretending for a second that he was fine before hugging Louis all of a sudden.  
  
"It's fine, Harry, you found him, okay? Wasn't your fault." Over his shoulder, Louis met my eyes, I tried to nod and look somewhat alright even though I wasn't but I still tried to coax Niall into getting up with me.  
  
"I'll carry you, okay? Just let me stand up, you don't even have to let go." He was always so anxious about not being close to me after anything happened, it was making me feel really bad actually, he really needed me so much to take care of him and simply being there.  
  
"What should we do now?" Everyone seemed to think it was really inappropriate to speak up now, it kinda was, I din't know, I just picked Niall up, letting him snuggle against me and talking quietly to him so he'd cheer up a little even if I was not feeling like it myself.  
  
"I… I'm still starving." Louis was speaking slowly, as if to test if it was okay to say something that was as simple as that, throwing worried glances at me, as if I'd rip his head off for saying hoe he felt.  
  
"Let's go find somewhere to eat." I decided to speak up because they all seemed to be afraid of me all of a sudden, so that's why they relaxed as they noticed that my little outbreak from earlier was over, there was no need to talk this over again now, I wouldn't let Niall go alone with anybody anymore, that was clear.  
  
"Are you okay again, baby?" It was good to let the others walk ahead a few steps, I didn't feel the need to talk to them right now.  
  
"Yeah… please don't tell my mum, Li, she will get mad." Yeah, at me, and she'd have every right to.  
  
"I won't, Ni, don't worry. She wouldn't be mad at you, she'd just be glad you're alright, like we all are. Promise that you'll stay with me now and tell me whenever you wanna go somewhere?" Just because it had been Harry didn't mean that it couldn't have happened to me as well if we're being honest, I still didn't know what had happened exactly, I also didn't want to ask.  
  
"Promise. And Liam… Harry told me something…" Oh.  
  
"What did he tell you?" Right, I had completely forgotten about everything else going on, the good thing was I hardly brought myself to care.  
  
"I asked if he had told Louis yet and he sighed and then… then he said that if I ever liked somebody I should go tell them so it wouldn't be like with him and Louis. And he also said that they had spent a lot of time with each other after Christmas and also… they kissed." Yeah, right, kissed, but props to Harry for keeping his dirty mind to himself for once.  
  
"So, do they know that they love each other now?" This was still pretty confusing, I didn't wanna push Niall but he would tell me anyway, because he told me everything and Harry wouldn't have said a word to him if I wasn't allowed to know.  
  
"I think so… Harry said it's complicated." It had always been complicated, but I guess it wasn't gonna get any easier this way, fucking Louis, all because he couldn't admit to himself that he wouldn't be able to last a day without Harry.  
  
"They'll figure this out. They both need a new years kiss, we should lock them in somewhere together." There it was, Niall's giggle, it wasn't really loud or anything, rather short, but it made me smile a tiny bit.  
  
"Do you think they'll be getting married some day?" An interesting thought, Niall was being serious, this was beyond adorable.  
  
"Who knows. If they do they have to invite us because this is all thanks to us." Actually not, but who cares.  
  
"And because of the cake." Niall threw in, lifting his head now, he seemed better, there was more color in his face now.  
  
"Always thinking of sweets, are you?" I poked his tummy a little, causing some laughter to come out of his mouth, this was good, he was happier again, automatically lifting my mood too, I didn't even want to think back at what had happened.  
  
After that, things got back to normal again, besides the fact that Niall was practically glued to me, well, he always was but it was worse now, not that I minded, it was good actually because I didn't want to leave him out of my sight either, I even let him sit in my lap when we were eating and carried him later while we were walking around again. With our mums again, because after all we still wanted to get a little bit of sightseeing done. Niall didn't complain, I think he enjoyed it even, especially because all of my attention belonged to him now, I'm serious, I hardly spoke to anyone else, they also didn't try to really.  
  
"Look." I stretched my arm out so Niall could see what I was pointing at, since I was leaning down we nearly were the same size, but instead of actually looking he just leaned back against me.  
  
"Li?" His breath hit my cheek, right before he yawned quietly.  
  
"What's wrong? Tired?" That was very likely, it wasn't so late but we had been running around all day long.  
  
"Mhmm… I wanna cuddle…" With that he just curled his arms around my neck again, practically pleading me to pick him up again.  
  
"Aww, come here, we'll go back in a bit, okay?" Actually we were already on our way, so I stood up after hugging him close, having him wrap his legs around my waist. "Don't sleep in on me, babe, we still got dinner to eat."  
  
"Just… napping… a little bit…" That's what I always said before falling asleep when I told him not to, so I laughed quietly, making sure we wouldn't fall behind too far.  
  
"Didn't you tell me before that you really like the underground? If you don't leave your eyes open then you'll miss it." It was true, Niall found about everything new exciting, it was really fun to watch him get into such a great mood so easily, not now, apparently.  
  
"But I'm sleepy." Niall whined into my neck, I let that count simply because he sounded so poor.  
  
"It's fine, I got you." Maybe he really should go to sleep, Zayn would have to get him to bed later as they were sharing a room and not us, but he's managed that, right? I hadn't seen him for more than two hours today though, not sure if he was still determined to suddenly be a good brother.  
  
Over his shoulder, I watched Harry and Louis, thinking about what Niall had told me before, I was still wondering why Harry hadn't been able to just tell me personally, maybe he was embarrassed or something,  
  
"Liam?" I turned around at this voice, I had been completely caught up in my thoughts.  
  
"Yeah?" It was Niall's mum, we hadn't told anybody what had happened, it would've only caused problems, besides Niall had begged me not to and I really didn't wanna come off as untrustworthy, if he had been with me, it wouldn't have happened.  
  
"Would you mind taking Niall back to the hotel with Harry and Louis? We'll come back later, I'll give you a key to Niall and Zayn's room." Actually I preferred it like this anyway, but I just nodded.  
  
"Where's Zayn?" No one had seen him all day long.  
  
"With a friend. He'll come back later tonight." Great, perfect timing to wake up Niall.  
  
"Alright, see you tomorrow then?" She smiled, obviously relieved because I was taking care of Niall since two days now.  
  
Since Gemma would obviously not come along either, I made sure to squeeze myself, and Niall, through a few people to reach Harry and Louis while we were waiting for the tube.  
  
It was mostly boring, because I didn't have Niall pointing out random things, I just held him while he slept, no idea how he managed to do that since we were all talking and not so quiet but I was glad, he needed his sleep.  
  
"I'm starting to think I'm sick or something, I'm always feeling like Im starving." Louis complained, we all were hungry, except for Niall, I should've brought him up to his room instead of the restaurant but he hadn't been eating since a few hours, I was trying to show some responsibility.  
  
"Well, you and me have that in common." No idea if Harry really meant or if he was just saying it because, but he laughed before looking at Niall. "Are you sure he'll make it without passing out, Li?"  
  
"I'm… fine…" Niall had woken up a little before, he was sitting next to me, half on top of me actually, leaning into my side with all of his weight.  
  
"I got you in case you sleep in, but you should really eat something." He had refused to let me order hims something, but we could share mine.  
  
"Hmm… only if you carry me into my room later…" Well, it wasn't hard to agree to that.  
  
"I'd say Liam's been carrying you everywhere today." That was true, it got a little exhausting after a while because he wasn't like, a toddler anymore, but I'd do anything for him to forget about today.  
  
"It's okay, of course I'll carry you, try and stay awake for a little bit, okay?" I rubbed his cheek with my thumb slowly, probably making everything even worse and making him even sleepier.  
  
Maybe this would've been a good possibly to talk about… stuff, but our food came then so I decided to wait, I was sick of talking to them separately, if they really had kissed, or done more than that, they'd know about each other's feelings, so why were they fucking not admitting them?  
  
The whole dinner it was all like 'Oh, Louis, let me try yours' and 'Harry, you can use my fork', while all I did was trying to feed Niall and make sure he wouldn't choke because he forgot to chew, I placed him in my lap then because I suddenly thought it was too risky letting him sit that far on the edge. "Come on, open up."  
  
"But I'm not hungry, I don't want to…" His protest was getting a little more annoyed now, it reminded me of that one time he had been sick and Zayn had been trying to force him to swallow pills so I gave up, briefly kissing the top of his head.  
  
"Okay, I'm sorry, you don't have to. Go to sleep." It would be best, if he slept before he would realize that I'd have to leave him alone in his room, I didn't want to, but god knows when Zayn would come back and I couldn't take him to my room because everyone would wonder where he'd gone.  
  
"We still haven' thought about what we're gonna do for new year's eve." Well, Louis could only speak for himself.  
  
"Yeah, I'll probably stay in and do nothing." In case anyone had missed it, partying was not my thing.  
  
Except I had thought I was the only one. "Yeah, we'll probably not do anything either."  
  
"You won't?" Their exchanged smiles were really creepy, honestly, I was starting to get scared.  
  
"No… we have… something else to do." Oh wow, so open all of a sudden?  
  
"Like what?" I looked down at Niall, but he seemed deep asleep while nuzzling into my shirt, still, I covered the ear that wasn't pressed against my chest with my palm. "Something going on you refuse to tell me since eight days?"  
  
"Well…" Again, they looked at each other very suspiciously, both blushing almost at the same time, Louis cleared his throat then. "Look… we had some time to talk and then… we would've told you it's just… we don't wanna do this too fast."  
  
"Yeah… it's weird… well, not in a bad way, but…" Okay, this was taking too long.  
  
"Niall told me that you kissed. And I'm not sure if he meant kissing or-"  
  
"Okay, okay. We kinda… well. And I would've told you but… I didn't know how to and Louis didn't either and… we're just taking this slow because, you know, my mum is here and we're not used to be anything besides… best friends." After that, Harry seemed as if he wanted to die while a really wide smile spread across my face.  
  
"Can I take it as is in you're dating?" No idea how or when or why but this was awesome, I felt so happy for them, I cared more about that than I would've ever care about my own relationship.  
  
"I guess you can… put it that way, yeah. But we'll have figure things out at first, so… yeah." But Louis smiled at Harry when he was finished, and he got a smile back, which made me feel even more relieved.  
  
I wanted to ask questions, but I realized that Harry probably had no idea how long Louis had known all of this and I also didn't know if Louis was stilling planning on moving away.  
  
Well, I got an answer for that, about ten minutes later, when we were finished with the awkward talk and I told them it was fine if they acted more of a couple in front of me since I knew, so I got to watch them kiss a few times, which was a little weird, but a good excuse for why I had to leave. "Alright, you guys will be fine here, right? I'll better bring Niall to bed."  
  
"Okay, Li… thanks." I met Harry's eyes, knowing what he thanked me for, but I just smiled, in the end, I hadn't done anything.  
  
When I was halfway on my way to the stairs, I heard Louis yell my name, it made me flinch, just like on my first in school when he had screamed through the whole hallway that he was gay. It was something different this time. "Sorry that you can't share a room with us in college anymore."  
  
Seemed as if someone had finally made a very overdue decision.  
  
I just smiled back, not saying a word and leaving because people were complaining now that we were being too loud, not like I could've cared any less, after such good news.  
  
When I came upstairs to Niall's room, he still wasn't awake, I carefully put him into what I thought was his bed according to the stuffed animals, going on a search for his pajamas. "Liam?"  
  
I didn't turn around, because I was still going through his suitcase, but I answered anyway. "What's wrong, Ni? We'll just change clothes and you can go to sleep, okay?"  
  
"Can I sleep over in your room?" There it was. "Please, Zayn won't care anyway."  
  
"He would care, he-"  
  
"He's gone all night, Li. Please?" This made me sigh, but I grabbed his bed clothes, coming over to sit on the edge of his bed, having him crawl into my lap immediately, making it even harder to say no.  
  
"But he'll be gone soon, I don't wanna steal your time with him." Which was really stupid to say since Zayn obviously wasn't here so what time was I stealing?  
  
"But, Li… I'm scared alone. And I'm also scared because of today, I don't wanna be away from you. Zayn would understand, I can still see him during the day and when we get back home, but I'd rather be with you." Who was I to say no, really now, it wouldn't help fixing any of what had happened during the past few years if he shared a room with his brother NOW. "I see you more as my brother…"  
  
"Okay, let's go." This time, just for once, I didn't tell him that it was wrong, I just collected his clothes and stuffed animals, not saying another word about this, because Niall was right with everything he had said. I saw him as my little brother as well and I couldn't hurt him now like this, it should be his decision anyway. Zayn would go away but me and Niall would have a few more years to spend, a lot, if he wouldn't mind the way I was constantly babying him, I hoped not.


	2. Part 2: 4 years later

\------------ 4 years later ------------ 

My head hurt like hell, I was glad for that, not because I was a hypocrite but because it was distracting me from the pain in my fucking rib, that shit hurt even worse, it really made me not want to open my eyes ever again, but the voices were kinda keeping me from falling back asleep.

"Liam?! Are you awake now? Say something, man, please." No way I could've guessed this wrong.

"Shut up, Harry, some people try to rest." There was some laughter, no idea how many people were here, or who, I just knew who I wished would never hear about this.

"Mr. Payne?" Oh, well this was obviously no one I knew.

I tried my best not to groan when I let my eyes flatter open, the light was not really helping with that, but I tried to adjust quickly and take the room in. Of course, I knew that I was in hospital, also why, I was just wondering how Louis and Harry had heard about this. "Yes?"

"Good, you're awake and I see you can still recognize your friends." The doctor gave me a half hearted smile, he probably didn't support my swearing. "Do you know why you're here?"

"Yeah. That fuck- I mean… my car got it hit. By some… guy." At least it hadn't been my fault, everybody watching could testify to that, even the man driving the other car. Seeing as I had stopped the car at a red light you would think that my innocence was pretty clear, yet I was the one here.

"Good. You have a mild concussion, a cracked rip and some superficial cuts, you should be fine to go home in a few days, if something's wrong, press the bottom or… send someone. A nurse will check on you in a bit." I just nodded to all of this, he wouldn't have had to notify me about that fucking rib, really.

"Thank you." He walked out, closing the door softly, there was about half a second silence before it started.

"What the hell, Liam?! I'm getting a call from the hospital saying you got in a fucking accident, since when am I your emergency number? Not that I don't want to be, but oh my god, Li, what happened?!" Louis was freaking out, I kinda understood him, no idea what I looked like but I'm guessing not very good. 

"Calm down, you're my emergency number since my mum thought I died last year because I broke my finger. And it wasn't my fault, that asshole just crashed into me, was on his phone I guess, anyway he completely freaked out and called an ambulance, I must've passed out sometime then, it hurt like shit. Still does to be honest." I was looking down at myself now, moving the hospital clothes a little to see how many bruises I had, the spot where my rib felt as if it was on fire was a little red, it'd be blue and purple tomorrow, other than that, I got a few bandaids in various places, if someone would've looked at me, all they would've seen would've been the lack of sleep from the last weeks.

"They gave you pain killers though, we were there to see it. It's five already, you've been here for three hours." They settled down in their chairs again, relieved probably, that I was still myself and alive.

"Wow… good thing I had my exam yesterday, I won't get out of here for at least another day." I didn't even plan on staying 'a few days' like the doctor had said, I was fine, in pain, yes, but alright.

"You know…" Harry was biting his bottom lip, playing with Louis' hand in his. "We thought that… you might have done something on purpose…"

"What? You thought I'd crack my ribs on purpose?" Nobody joined me as I laughed, it didn't feel very pleasurable anyway so I quickly stopped again, realizing they were being serious. "Why would I do something like that?"

"Because… well, your breakup with Dani didn't go very smooth and-"

"Wait, you thought I'd do something to myself because of HER?!" This was hilarious, there were a million reasons to freak out, a stupid bitch cheating you was not one of them. "We've been over for a week now."

"Yeah, but you never talked about it, we thought maybe you couldn't deal with it." Louis was still talking carefully, thinking about his words, as if they were upsetting me in any kind.

"I never talked about it because I didn't care. Should've listened to Niall, he hated her." Yeah, Niall… there was a reason he hated every single one of my girlfriends, be it that girl I dated in senior year or Danielle now after she's been running after me for four years. Jealousy. But I never brought it up to him, because he dealt with it pretty well, I just hoped that phase would pass.

"Hm, Niall…" Harry mumbled, immediately getting a light bump into the hip by Louis' elbow, which didn't escape my attention seeing as they were sitting right in front of my bed.

"What about Niall?" It was tuesday, so he probably was home from school already, I knew his time table by heart, I'd be a pretty shitty babysitter if I didn't. Well, we didn't call it babysitting anymore since we were actually best friends but Niall sure as hell behaved like a baby sometimes.

"I-I… I told him…" And just like that, my somewhat calm mood was gone.

"You told NIALL?! You told him I'm in hospital, have you lost your mind, Harry?" I groaned, not wanting to hear an apology for this now, it was too late, he was probably on his way here, damn it, he had been number one on my list of people who should never hear about this. The list consisted of two people, number two being my mother, if she and Niall agreed on one thing it was that every time I got remotely sick it probably was gonna lead to my death.

"We panicked okay, we knew we weren't allowed to tell your mum, but Niall is our friend, your best friend, he deserves to know. Besides, his class was over already, he's not even ditching school to come here." Louis added this part because he probably remembered how mad I had gotten at him for talking Niall into ditching school just because he had had no lectures that day and had been bored. Niall being excited for everything that Louis suggested had agreed. And failed his test for that, I might add.

"How calming, Lou. When's he gonna be here, I have to look… less as if I had just gotten hit by a car." The last thing I could need now were Niall's tears, he was pretty emotional, about pretty much everything you could maybe be a little upset about.

"But you did get hit by a car." It sounded worse this way, as if I had gotten run over.

"Did you tell him that as well?" Of course, wow, didn't they know him at all.

"Well, he asked me, Liam, what am I gonna say, oh no, Niall, he's fine, he's just chilling in hospital wanna grab some dinner tonight, I nearly cried while calling him, alright." This was starting to sound more horrifying with every sentence, what the hell must Niall be thinking now having Harry call him half crying and telling him I got hit by a freaking car. 

"Well, I'm sorry that you cried but as you can see, I'm fine." Or something along these lines.

"Have you tried sitting up?" Why did they want to destroy my act. 

"Why would I sit up this bed is not as uncomfortable as I had thought." A lie, I couldn't have carried less about the bed, my rib was starting to feel a little numb, I wouldn't risk sitting up now just to prove those idiots wrong. "You could've at least given him a ride, he has to take the bus now and is probably freaking out."

"I don't think it would've been a good idea to give him a ride, we only came here a while ago and if he would've seen you before he would've jumped out that window over there." At least there had gone some thought into ruining Niall's day.

"Maybe one of you should text him, telling him that I'm fine, so he can calm down. Where is all my stuff by the way, and my car?" And my clothes.

"Your stuff is over here and your car got toed but we can get it back, it's not so badly damaged. They cut your clothes off probably, we'll bring you new ones tomorrow or so. Or today, if you really need them." Great, I've only had this car for two years, and no money to get it repaired, well, I could probably sue that guy, thinking about it. "And I texted Niall before already, he'll probably be here in a few minutes."

"Alright, if he asks, I did not get hurt at all, they're just keeping me to be on the safe side and I also didn't pass out from the pain. And I'm not in any pain right now either." All of this was a lie, Louis and Harry looked at each other, sighing, but they nodded anyway, we all knew Niall too well.

"The part about you not getting hurt will be hard to explain with band aids and you not being able to fully sit up." Maybe I could just ignore the pain.

"I still have to figure that out, just don't get him more worried than necessary." My first priority, like ever, I tried sitting up a bit more now, the pain was bearable at first but I was scared I'd have to start crying right the second Niall would walk in so I let it be.

"Well, he's not a kid anymore, he could handle this." Louis shrugged as I stared at him in disbelieve, because this statement was just so wrong in every single way.

"He's fifteen, he definitely is a child, and he shouldn't be running around in hospitals thinking that I'm dying. Because that's just Niall, always expecting the worst in bad situations." They knew him for as long as I did why were we discussing this. 

"But also the very best for everything else." True, but I was more worried about the fact that I still had not looked into a mirror, who knew what my face looked like.

"Yeah, he's living life to the extreme, I guess. Let's just all be calm and maybe talk about something funny so we can all laugh when-"

I never got to finish, because I heard the door open, immediately making me shut up, from where I was, I couldn't see around the corner, but Louis and Harry both turned their heads, faces go softer, Harry even jumped up, making any doubt that this was not Niall disappear. 

"Is everything okay, is he alright?!" There was so much panic in his voice it hurt, Harry probably hugged him, keeping him from coming fully inside.

"I'm fine." Why wouldn't I speak up, I wasn't deaf after all.

"Liam, you're awake!" Niall immediately pulled away from Harry, coming into my sight now, he looked horrible, pale and red eyes from crying, he seemed as if he was about to start all over again when he saw me. "Oh god, I was so worried, are you really okay? That damn bus got stuck in traffic and people looked at me for crying and I walked into the wrong room twice and have you broken anything? Does it still hurt? Talk to me!"

"Nialler, sh. I can't talk when you don't calm down okay, come here." I contemplated whether to hug him or not but decided against, it would cause me pain and I'd most likely scrunch my face up and he'd notice, besides, he alway hugged me too tight.

He took a breath, I smiled at him, hoping I'd got one in return, but all he did was carefully sitting on the edge of my bed, it wasn't necessary to be that careful, I was half sitting anyway, and I could move as well. 

"I'm completely fine, I promise, nothing happened, this guy just didn't hit his breaks, nothing more. I'll be out in no time." For most people, this would've been enough, but Niall just stared at me before his face changed. "Niall, don't…

"I'm sorry…" Before the first tear could drop he leaned over me, with his forehead pressed against my throat, careful not to put his weight on top of me.

"Hey, it's fine, I'm all healthy, Ni, no need to cry." I still put my arms around him anyway, sorting out the messy blonde hair, it still amused me that he was actually dying it, but it suited him pretty well.

"I-I was just… really scared…s-sorry…" He sobbed, letting me comfort him for a little bit before leaning back, trying to wipe his eyes.

"No need to apologize." It was actually cute how much he cared, he was nodding now slowly, reaching out for my hand to keep it in his lap between both of his. "Does your mum know that you are here?"

"No… I should probably call her…" His mum didn't worry too much most of the time but I was still concerned.

"Please do." Niall didn't let go of my hand, I intertwined our fingers to make him smile while he reached for his phone in his pocket.

Harry and Louis were throwing amused glances at me, it wasn't funny at all actually, Niall had truly been scared as shit, he always was when something happened that involved me, I think it was his fear of losing me, he had always been like this from the beginning. 

"Hi, mum. I just wanted to tell you that I'm at the hospital, because… what? no, I'm fine, Liam had a little accident and… no! why would you say that, he's alright, but I wanted to tell you where I am, that's all… I don't think he wants to speak to you, mum…mhmm… no, I didn't fail biology again, I got a D… that's not why I'm not coming home, I told you where I am and I consider a D a good grade actually… yes…see you later, mum." He hung up, annoyed, while the rest of us all had to hold back laughter, oh how I loved not living at home anymore. "Be quiet, guys, it's not funny."

"Is she picking you up later? Louis can give you a ride as well." I'd make him, but he'd probably offer it anyway.

"No, my mum is picking me up… she didn't believe me that I'm really here so she's coming later to see if I'm telling the truth, but Liam… I wanna stay." This was also why I hadn't wanted him to come, I'd never get him to leave again. It's not that I wanted to get rid of him, but he had places to be, besides, I wasn't sure if he'd even be allowed to stay.

"Look, I'd love for you to keep me company but you have school tomorrow and besides you need your sleep. And you need to study biology." The last part was a joke, but Niall rolled his eyes, playing with my fingers as he looked into his lap.

"I got a D, a D is fine, right, Louis?" He turned to Louis because Louis was always encouraging him to not study at all since that would be no fun, I think he was mostly kidding but Niall always took it the way he wanted to.

"D means you passed, it's brilliant, Niall, don't listen to Liam or your mum." What a good advice.

"No, seriously now, Ni, I know you wanna stay but you can't, I'm sorry, I'm gonna be fine. We can text." Sounded like we never texted when really we did it all the time, we knew about every detail about each other's life, well, I left out some… adult stuff, but apart from that.

"But I'll stay for a while, I just came." He was disappointed and I really hated it but I couldn't change it now, so I nodded, rubbing my thumb over his slowly while he remained on the edge of my bed.

"How was your day?" I had actually thought about picking him up from school today since I hadn't had much to do today, but my plans had gone kinda downhill.

"Good… I didn't fail biology and…" Then he threw a look over at Louis and Harry, blushing the tiniest bit before looking back at me, biting his bottom lip and I got it. There was this girl Niall was having a crush on, he didn't want anyone else to know, so he always come to me even if he never tried to use my tips, he was mostly just whining about how she didn't like him back. Which seemed to be impossible, who was this girl why wasn't she totally in love with my Niall, he was rather popular in school as well and handsome for a fifteen year old even if he didn't believe me. "And I nearly got sent to he headmaster because I accidentally bumped into this girl and she fell into the dustbin."

"Accidentally?" If we counted the times Niall had been to the headmaster our heads would explode. It weren't even things like fighting or bad language, the teachers mistook his jokes because he had them all from Harry and the other times stuff like he had just mentioned happened.

"I didn't see her, she was really small, I also apologized." He defended himself, making me smirk, there was also a reason why he always got away, nobody could be mad at this face.

"Did someone ask for my number again?" Harry threw in from behind, I tried not to laugh because it would hurt my rib.

"Those are fourteen year old girls, Harry, I'M your boyfriend, stop asking that finally!" Ever since Louis and Harry had picked up Niall from school and found it funny to just walk right into his class, the girls had all fallen for them, asking Niall about them nonstop, he enjoyed it, I knew, he loved having older friends.

"Sorry, Haz, lately all they talk about is how they saw Liam in a tank top." Louis seemed really satisfied with that while Harry pouted slightly, mumbling something like 'Tank tops are ugly as shit anyway'.

"When was that?" It was creepy because I couldn't remember this.

"I don't know, I think you were in the gym, or just getting out, but they took a photo as well." Niall giggled at my face, because what the hell.

"This is really creepy, do I at least look good?" Not that I cared, but it felt weird.

"They wouldn't be talking about it if you didn't. They'd kill to see the pictures that I got of you. It's like you're a celebrity or something, everyone is so jealous of me." Niall smiled one of his most gorgeous smiles, it was really cute, like, he was so proud to be able to call us his friends even if we weren't that cool after all, especially me, I didn't even go out more than once a month, but I could very well imagine which photos he referred to, last summer we had gone swimming and yeah.

"I don't even wanna know what kind of pictures you're talking about, Niall, who would be jealous of you for being friends with Liam anyway, that's just ridiculous." Harry was obviously still pissed because of the tank top thing, I wanted to ignore him actually, but Niall thought otherwise.

"Hey, be nice, he had an accident and there's a lot of things people should be jealous about, because Liam is the best." He always took it so serious when it was about me, I loved him for that, so I squeezed his hand gently, hoping he didn't see how hard Louis and Harry were trying not to burst out laughing.

"Aw, Niall, I love when you go all protective over him." Me too. 

"I'm just telling you the truth, stop looking at me like that." I didn't want them to tease Niall, so I tried to quickly think of something to change the topic but it was unnecessary when the door opened, right, the doctor had said some nurse would check on me.

"Good evening. Everything alright, Mr. Payne?" Well, I'd love to get more pain killers, but Niall was sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Yeah, I'm … good." She probably noticed my hesitation because she walked around the bed onto the side where Niall wasn't, he turned anyway, not letting go of my hand.

"Mind if I check your rib? It must hurt, doesn't it?" Shit.

"What?! You told me you were fine, Li!" Niall's eyes went pretty wide as the nurse exposed my chest, there were a few band aids and cuts, but that blueish spot captured most of his attention. "Oh god…"

"I'm good, Nialler, calm down." I would've rubbed his back to calm him down but I was focusing on not breathing in too sharp when the nurse touched my rib, fucking shit, this burned too fucking much. 

"Alright, I'll bring you some more pain killers for this." She disappeared out the door, leaving it up to me to cover myself up again, I thought about just leaving it like this because I didn't want to move ever again after that torture, but for Niall, I tried.

"This looks so painful, Li, why'd you lie to me?!" Still, he went ahead to help me, I saw tears in his eyes again that made me sigh.

"It does't even hurt that bad, the pain killers will make it better, okay?" Actually the fact that this bothered him more than me really showed how he felt with me, he was so completely loyal it was insane. 

"But I don't want you hurt…" He whined, grabbing my hand again, but I brought it up to his face instead to turn it towards me, ignoring Louis' mumbled comment from behind 'He probably also doesn't want him to cover his chest again', I hated jokes of that kind, they were not helping at all.

"I'm barely hurt, Ni, I wasn't lying to you and I'm gonna be fine in a bit, just trust me, please?" I was holding his chin between my fore and index finger gently until he nodded then I moved it to stroke over his cheek before intertwining our fingers again.

When the nurse came back to give me the pain killers, she told me I'd have to wait a while for them to kick in which made Niall sigh a little, as if he was the one in pain, well, he probably was, emotional pain.

"Alright, I'm really sorry to inform you that visiting hours are over now, only family." She looked at Louis and Harry who were about to get up after this, then at Niall who hadn't moved an inch.

"I'm his brother." He told her without hesitating, he wasn't fully lying, considering the amount of time we spent with each other, we might as well be brothers.

Still, it was obviously a lie, Niall blushed a tiny bit, but the nurse just looked at him for a second before deciding that she didn't care. "If anything is wrong, press the button, goodnight." 

"Alright then, bye, Li, I would hug you but…" And Niall's eyes went even wider than before as Louis quickly stopped talking as he realized what he had said.

"Wait, you can't even sit up, right? You told me you're alright, this doesn't look like it!" Niall was going completely insane now, it's like he was my mother when really he was five years younger than me and every time he stayed at me place insisted on drinking hot chocolate with a straw.

"Good luck sorting this out, we took your key, Liam, we'll bring you some clothes tomorrow. By, Nialler." With that, Harry grabbed Louis hand, who just smirked at me and Niall, pulling him to the door.

"Bye…" Niall muttered, he was pissed now, letting go of my hand to fold his arms in front of his chest, staring at the wall so I all I could see was his profile.

"Niall… you're mad because I didn't tell you that I've bumped my side a little?" What an understatement, I reached out, happy when Niall didn't flinch as I rubbed his back.

"No." He rolled his eyes theatrically, looking down at me again, pretty sad as well. "Why don't you trust me with important stuff? You told Harry and Louis."

"Harry and Louis were in here when the doctor came to tell ME, besides, I do trust you with important stuff." I should've known this would happen, it was just so Niall to throw a fit because of this, deep down he wasn't even mad, he was disappointed, which was even worse.

"Like what?" Niall pressed on, I stopped caressing his back, pulling at his arm instead so he gave in quickly, letting me hold his hand again.

"You have a key to my flat, I let you drive my car on an empty parking lot, I've let you meet all of my girlfriends and took you out on my dates." Yeah, there had come a point when I started to feel bad for hanging out with Niall less so I brought him along on dates, it went surprisingly good at first, but later on, he was more over me than Danielle.

"But would you ever tell me if something really, really bad happened?" His cheeks were a little flushed, probably at remembering those _dates_.

"How bad is bad?" A cold had been enough for him to freak out before, not sure if I could trust him on this.

"Say you got cancer, would you tell me?" What the hell.

"Well, cancer and a cracked rib are-"

"Just answer the question." He held my hand really tight, not looking at me though, he was tracing the back with his finger slowly.

So I sighed, because that was a really weird question but the longer I thought about it the more I knew that he wouldn't believe me if I lied so I decided to stick to the truth. "No, I wouldn't."

"See?! You can't blame me for freaking out like this when I have to live in fear something might happen to you when knowing you will never tell me! What else haven't you told me? Are you gonna die in a week or something?!" Alright, this was crossing lines and Niall would burst out into tears any second.

"Niall, listen to me. I didn't tell you because you would get unnecessarily worked up, but it's just a cracked rib and it'll heal and then I'm gonna be fine again. And no, I won't die in a week, I'm not gonna die anytime soon at all, okay? I'm not leaving you, if that's why you're asking, I'd never let that happen. And if I really got cancer you wouldn't be the only one I wouldn't be telling." I'd tell nobody, but it was really unnecessary to talk about this in the first place, all it did to Niall was getting him down.

"How calming…" He mumbled, watching our intertwined hands before I started pulling slowly.

"Come here." We were usually closer than this, I knew he held back because I had been hurt, but the pain killers were starting to kick in I think.

"No, you're hurt, I'm not gonna be the one to cause you more pain." I smiled slightly at him for being so stubborn, not giving in.

"I'm not hurt on this side besides it's starting to feel numb now, I'll be fine." The fact that I had said this far too often during the time I had woken up made him roll his eyes, but he was biting his lip as well before taking a breath and letting go of my hand to slowly lie down next to me, putting his head in the crook of my shoulder when I curled my arm around him. He was so light, I didn't think he'd be able to cause me much pain even if he had been lying on top of me.

"Am I hurting you?" Of course, he still asked, he always would.

"Not at all. Everything's gonna be alright." Actually, there wasn't even something to be scared about, but Niall always found a reason.

"Mhmm. You smell like hospital, I don't like it." How nice.

"Well, that doesn't surprise me, sorry I forgot to shower and change clothes before you came in, Louis and Harry warned me about ten minutes before." I joked, making Niall snort but nothing else, he really was in a shitty mood. "How's your love life coming along?"

"Are you trying to make me cry, I've already felt really close before." He snuggled tighter into me, probably realizing that I hadn't screamed in pain yet. "She hates me, well, not me, but my friends and everyone assumes I'm just like them."

"Prove her otherwise, Ni, you have to talk to her, I already told you. Nothing's gonna happen if you keep on avoiding her." Because that's what he did, he wasn't shy actually, not around anyone, but around this girl, Amy I think was her name.

"Maybe I don't even like her so much, I don't know, I've never had a girlfriend before, I wouldn't know anyway." This came out as if he was about to give up and pity himself, he probably was.

"Time to find out. I'd offer you I'd talk to her but that'd be pretty embarrassing for all of us." Mostly me.

"Yeah, talk to her and she'll try to become my best friend so she can see you again." Now this was starting again, Niall was so self conscious, he always talked as if he was ugly when really, that was not true at all, I'm not just saying this because I've known him for so long and would tell him anything to make him feel better.

"That's not true, Ni. I'm old, she'd rather want you than me." I didn't look half as good as Niall insisted on, he always told me how he wanted to be exactly like me and it was scary because I wasn't great at all, I had maybe four friends and a flat for myself but that was all. A broken car now.

"That's the most stupid thing I have ever heard." See?

"Niall, talk to her, just ask her anything, homework, school, she's in your maths class isn't she? Ask her if she can help you." The fact that I was the one giving him tips was rather strange since I had never tried any of them before.

"There's a party on friday." He mumbled into my shoulder, shifting a little. "She's gonna be there."

"Perfect." Knowing Niall, he wouldn't use his chance there either.

"And alcohol's gonna be there as well…" Immediately I felt myself tensing up, maybe he'd have to find another solution because I simply wouldn't let him go.

"It's a stupid idea." I just said, I couldn't deal with the thought of Niall getting drunk, it made me feel helpless, who knows what might happen, he was young, I remember when he needed me to cuddle with so he could fall asleep.

"Liam! I'm fifteen, I-"

"Yeah, exactly, you're not even allowed to drink alcohol, besides, didn't you promise Louis and Harry you'd have your first drink with them?" Something told me that I wouldn't wanna let him go with them either. "You promised me you'd wait until you're sixteen."

"When I was twelve! I would've promised you anything back then." True, I missed those times, when I'd say one word and Niall would do it. Or don't do it in that case.

"You kept your promise until now, besides, do you really wanna try and make a girl like you while you're wasted? Good luck with that." No idea what I was talking about, I hardly drank myself, I could just imagine it wouldn't work very well.

"Then what should I do?" I had no idea, but I tightened my arm anyway, kissing the top of his head even if he squirmed a little, he usually wasn't like this, he was just acting.

"I'll tell you what, you'll spend the weekend with me instead and we'll think of something." Mostly, I just missed him, he hadn't slept over in a while now and if he was with me, I could make sure he wouldn't do anything stupid he'd regret, besides that I knew for a fact that he missed me too.

"Okay…" That's how easy he was to convince, I heard the smile in his voice, making me feel a little better, I loved weekends with Niall. "And can I come back here tomorrow after school if you're still here?"

"Sure, but bring your stuff as well, I don't like how Louis is encouraging you to ignore school." I'd study with him, even in hospital.

Niall groaned a little, probably thinking the same but then he agreed anyway, staying quiet for a little bit before he took a breath. "Liam… are you okay? Because … because of Danielle and… you don't have to talk about it." 

"I'm fine, thanks for asking. Niall, you don't have to talk about her as if you liked her that much, I know you didn't and I should've probably listened to you before." If I did listen to him then I'd be a virgin because Niall hated every girl that was remotely interested in me, it was rather weird, but thinking about it, he hated everyone I was friends with except for Louis and Harry, he didn't give people a chance, he just immediately assumed that I liked them more than him and got so jealous that I couldn't tell him whenever I hung out with other people. I can't say I didn't know why he acted this way, I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

"She's a fucking bitch for cheating on you and it's a miracle she even found someone to do it with, if I ever see her on the streets I will-"

"Okay, okay, that's enough swearing for today. It's over Niall, you'll never have to see her again and even if she apologized I probably wouldn't forgive her." At least I would never date her again, that's for sure.

"Probably?! Liam, she-"

"Shh. I have to rest." I smirked when Niall made a sound as if he was really annoyed by me, I knew he was just pretending.

"Suddenly you have to rest?" He sat half up to look at me, I reached out with my free hand, stroking over his cheek which made him close his eyes, slightly leaning into my touch, but he sighed all of a sudden, and not from happiness.

"What's wrong?" Since he seemed to enjoy what I was doing, I continued while waiting for an answer.

"My phone is vibrating in my pocket and it's probably my mum." With that, Niall fully sat up so my hand dropped, he picked up his phone, with a another over dramatically sigh that made me smile. "Yes? … no, I AM at the hospital… yeah… can't I stay for a while, I… well, fine." Then he just hung up, looking down. "My mum hopes you'll get better soon, she's waiting outside for me."

"Alright, you'll come back tomorrow anyway, it's fine, just text me, okay?" Maybe I should've sat up as well, I couldn't feel my side anymore anyway. 

"Hmm… yeah. What… no, don't, you'll hurt yourself!" Niall shrieked when I fulfilled my plans, it stung a little but nothing else, he looked like he wanted to push me down but was too scared to touch me.

"I'm fine, come here, you haven't given me a proper hug today." Actually I didn't wait for him to move, I just pulled him against my chest, relieved when the pain didn't increase, I'd probably regret this later.

He tensed for a second or two before slowly wrapping his arms around me as well, burying his face in my shoulder. "You're so stupid."

"Thanks, love you too." Despite his protest before, he didn't want to pull away now, so we stayed like this for a while, it was calming because I was used to having Niall this close, I enjoyed it. 

When he finally pulled away a little, I pressed a kiss to his cheek, smirking when his face scrunched up a little. "You should shave."

"Sorry, I've been busy in the mornings. Take care and act a little stupid in maths tomorrow." It was kinda sad that that was my only advice for him, but I ran my fingers through his hair before he got up, enjoying the fact that he never complained when I was the one doing it.

"I don't have to act for that. See you tomorrow, lie back down, it's making me nervous." I thought he'd turn around and go, but he changed his mind in the movement, leaning down instead and burying his face in my hair for a second before kissing my forehead. It was usually me who did stuffy like that, but I knew that he was worried about me, and that he'd stay up the whole night if I really were in pain and couldn't fall asleep, he was so caring. "Bye, Li."

"Bye, babe, sleep tight." He wouldn't, I felt it, reaching out for my phone knowingly in the second the door was closed, not answering any of the text messages I had but waiting, two minutes exactly.

 

_Nialler 7:01 pm_

_I miss you already :( and i was joking about the shaving it looks good actually_

 

————

 

The next day, I woke up really early because this bed was not comfortable at all, besides my rib hurt again, not as much as yesterday though, I managed to sit up even if the pain killers had stopped helping.

Niall had texted me until one in the morning, I had pretended to be asleep then because he had school in the morning and I knew how cranky he got when he was tired, but it didn't help him concentrate anyway because he sent me messages throughout the whole day, also in class, constantly worried something might happen as it seemed.

When Louis and Harry came, I already knew that I wouldn't get out of here until tomorrow, which was good because I'd have to go back to college at some point. "We brought you clothes, nothing person but those look really shitty on you." They had brought a bag full, unnecessary but at least there'd be clean stuff in there was well. "And you probably need to clean out your closet now… I kinda… made a little mess. Sorry."

"Thanks." I sighed, deciding not to complain because they had spent their time just to drive to my flat. And thrown everything in there they had found as it seemed. "What am I gonna do with a scarf?"

"Be… stylish and warm?" Louis suggest, taking the same chair as yesterday.

"Hang yourself because the food here seems not very edible?" True, I hadn't eaten any of it, Harry's disgusted face was pretty much expressing my feelings towards it.

"Thanks, I promised I'd live on a little longer. I should change…" But how, I had managed to go to the toilet last night and even shower this morning but everything with pain killers, I really didn't wanna ask for even more, I came off as a junkie or something.

"Do you need any help?" Harry had dropped into Louis' lap in the meantime, playing on his phone while his boyfriend seriously offered to change my clothes for me.

"I… don't think so." Actually, maybe, but I'd never accept that offer.

"Well, it's not like I haven't seen a dick before. I actually had one up my ass last-"

"Please. Not now. And not any other time either." Why were they so bloody open about their sex life it was really distracting. "Just look away for five minutes or… well I'm actually half under the blanket, I can do this somehow without getting up."

"Wait to change your shirt until Niall comes back." This made me stop for a second.

"Why?" I was honestly confused for a second, Louis looked a little uncomfortable now, but Harry answered me anyway.

"Because I think he likes to-OW, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" Louis had twitched his arm, not as oftly as he had planned on obviously.

"What did you want to say?" Well, this couldn't have been about what I thought it was, right, this was ridiculous.

"Nothing…" Harry grumbled, not looking at me anymore, it was obvious he wouldn't tell me now, maybe I didn't even wanna know it, some things were better left unspoken. Especially this one. Not that I had any ideas or so, I just wanted to get dressed in peace, really.

None of them watched me, luckily, you would expect adults to not watch you while you're changing but with those two I wasn't really sure so that's why I was relieved. It felt good to wear my own shirt and sweatpants, it had hurt to move, but now I could at least sit up and not cover myself with the blanket anymore because I looked like a normal person again. With a big fat bruise on my left side. Maybe I should've also gone shaving but I remembered how far away the bathroom was and how no one should even care because it wasn't that bad. Niall liked it, he had told me, so whatever.

"Niall just texted me, he forgot your room number again and walked in on two old men." Which was strange to hear out of Harry's mouth because I had been texting Niall as well.

"Why didn't he ask me then?" All he had sent me had been a picture of some weird looking guy in the entrance hall, he had probably been laughing for ten minutes straight.

"Doesn't wanna get embarrassed probably, don't tell him." This didn't make sense at all but I nodded anyway, putting my phone away because Niall would burst through the door any second.

I was right, also with the bursting in part, he nearly stumbled actually, which was no wonder because he had his school bag to carry and something else that caused a smile to spread across my face "You're an angel, Ni."

"I know." He shrugged, his eyes were glowing when I called him that, it was true though, Niall had brought me pizza, and I'm pretty sure I had only complained once about the hospital food, and I had definitely not asked him to bring me something else. "Sorry guys, I ran out of money and could only buy two. Besides, I didn't know you were here."

"That's fine, we'll eat later. It's important that you saved Liam, he would've gotten food poisoning or something, judging by the looks and all." This was exaggerated but I only half listened anyway because Niall looked at me after dropping his backpack and placing the cartons on the bed, coming over to my side. 

"Are you better? You look better. Not that you looked really bad, you know, but that hospital stuff makes everyone look ill." I smiled fondly as he started rambling, pulling him into a hug when he sat down on the same spot as yesterday, I had moved so much already, I don't think it could've gotten even worse, besides Niall was being careful. 

"I'm much better, thank you. And also for bringing me food, I'll give you the money back." He wouldn't take it, I knew it before I had even brought the whole sentence out, which was kinda stupid because he never had any money. 

"No, it's okay, I'll still get money from my mum for cleaning the house last night." Right, he had told me about that, also, it made Louis and Harry laugh, probably because their flat had never been cleaned before.

"Can we hire you too, Ni?" Niall was still hugging me, he had gotten comfortable, leaning his head onto my shoulder, but he pulled away now, turning his head while still having a hand on my arm. 

"For cleaning?" He asked, as innocent as possible, but their eyes went wide for a second before they laughed at him and I tried to hold back a sigh. "You couldn't afford it anyway."

"Someone's got a bit of a dirty mind." Look who's talking.

"Yeah, and who does he have it from?" This is what came out when you let Harry and Louis alone with an eleven year old child up until they're fifteen.

"Not from you, obviously. You can't even bear to hear me talking about sex." How had we gotten to that topic now, was he so keen on talking about it he just used every chance to bring it up? Obviously.

"I just didn't need the details." Actually I didn't need to hear any of it, it felt weird in front of Niall, he probably didn't mind but he was still the baby here and I'd never managed to see him any other way. 

"Details? That was common sense, Li, how else would we-"

"Stop. Okay? I plan on keeping this pizza inside, unless you're into watching me puke then please tell me more." Harry and Niall shared a look at this, they were both smirking and I can only assume that when Niall opened his mouth he was about to ask for exactly those details. I quickly covered his mouth with my hand. "Don't."

He seemed annoyed, rolling his eyes but nodding, not fighting as much against my hand as I had thought he would, so I let go, carefully, waiting if he had just tried to fool me. "I'm hungry anyway."

Thank god. "Yeah, me too, and we should change the topic anyway, so Ni, how was school?"

That had obviously been the wrong question, he got up, checking which pizza was mine before climbing onto the bed again so he was more sitting at the end of it and handing one carton to me. "Umm… fine."

"What happened?" I couldn't help but sound alarmed, nothing bad had ever happened besides the fact that he had failed tests and nearly classes, but he didn't have one of those and the year wasn't over yet.

"Nothing, I… " He threw a glance at Louis and Harry, nervous as it seemed, they were busy with something else now, so he took a slice of pizza, chewing carefully before looking at me again. "I didn't get maths and then… I remembered what… you told me about it… and I asked someone to explain it to me and… I'll probably be busy with that tomorrow night." 

Wait… had he just told me that he had a DATE?! "So… in other words… did my advice help or not?"

"Well, obviously not Liam, he had to ask for help didn't you listen to him?" It was so damn hard to not laugh at Louis, Niall giggled quietly, smiling at me and I relaxed, good, he had a date, thank god, finally.

"You could've told me earlier." We had been texting the whole day and he hadn't said one single word, I needed to know things like that, it actually nearly made me emotional now, like, he was growing up and oh god, if I teared up now I'd shoot myself.

"I don't like writing about maths problems through text message so much." This was too much fun for Niall, he was so amused about the fact that we were talking in secret language, I wondered how he hadn't just blurted it all out yet. Instead, he kept shoving more pizza into his mouth, luckily swallowing every time before talking.

"Yeah, I get that… so, you'll be fine to do your homework tomorrow, right?" I wasn't, I was probably more nervous than Niall, like, I wanted this to work out so badly for him.

"I'll probably… have to ask you something about that… later." There was some blush creeping into his face, he lowered his eyes, nibbling at his pizza and I decided not to ask anymore, we'd still have time later, Harry and Louis would leave earlier today because they actually had stuff to do besides hanging around here.

"You'll be fine." I tried to be comforting here, but he just shrugged anyway, continuing to eat and I decided to do the same, good thing Niall knew my favorite kind of pizza. Well, he knew my favorite everything probably, just like the other way around.

"If you need help with homework, you could also ask now, Liam doesn't know everything." They were teasing, but it was actually really funny because they were so off topic without realizing it.

"I'm not sure if… maths is YOUR kind of subject." And that's how Niall nearly had me dying.

Louis and Harry didn't get my little outbreak, of course not, I also never tried to explain, all I knew was that Niall was beaming because of making me laugh this much and I could feel tears forming in my eyes, both from laughing but also because, well, do NOT get amused by anything with a cracked rip while trying to pretend that you're not hurt, it's not gonna work.

When me and Niall were alone, he waited about half a minute before curling into my side like yesterday and we just talked, not necessarily about tomorrow but about stuff in general, I loved being like this with him. We were so close, despite the age gap, but I actually didn't see it as a bad thing, Niall could still be mature and serious, but it actually didn't even matter, it was just him, I would've never thought that the little boy I used to carry around all day would ever become my best friend that I'd trust with anything. Sure, there were still things he needed my help with and also, I didn't treat him the exact same as I would someone my age if it came to stuff like my ex girlfriends and yeah, I did feel the need to protect him, still, it probably wouldn't go away, but overall, he was my best friend. We had the same humor, liked the same things and I knew he trusted me unconditionally, but the best part, that feeling was equal.

 

——— 

 

"I told you to wait _inside_." I didn't care where anybody wanted me to wait for them, all I wanted was to get far away from this hospital.

"Why?" After throwing my bag on the backseat, I slipped into the passenger seat next to Louis, who started the car again immediately because he shouldn't have stopped here anyway.

"Because you shouldn't be carrying around stuff in your condition and also, it seemed pretty responsible to tell you that." He couldn't even use the excuse that it was cold because it definitely was not. "And you should've sat down, you had a concussion, didn't you?"

"Yeah, well, I'm feeling fine so. Where's Harry?" It was weird for them to be apart somehow, I mean, it probably was normal for people to spend time without each other but I wasn't used to it.

"Stayed home, he has to study for something tomorrow. Also, he would've probably slept in anyway. Listen, about your car, umm…" Right, I had completely forgotten about that, I was just so glad that Louis had picked me up. "Me and Harry kinda went to get it back yesterday, I hope you don't mind. It looks…well, a little damaged, but that idiot that has crashed into you has to be pay for it anyway. And for your bruises as well."

"I don't care so much about myself but really, you got my car back? Thanks so much, I can live with a damaged car, as long as I can still drive it." Thank god, the problem was, I couldn't ask my mum for money because she could never know about this accident or she'd freak the fuck out, guess I'd have to save up. Or find another job, I had two already actually, but one was only every second week and the other just now and then. Plus, both my parents gave me money, my dad only because he felt guilty for not coming to see me for four years, but still.

"Well, I drove it back and it runs fine but… it's never looked so good anyway." Louis chuckled as I rolled my eyes at this, even if he was right, my car had been garbage from the beginning, it was used and really old so.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm still thankful you got it, and also for coming to pick me up, I would've had to walk or something." Right, I could've also gotten a taxi because the hospital was only five minutes from my flat but I wanted to make it sound like it was a big deal.

"Niall would've probably picked you up as well without a license and a stolen car if you would've asked him. Speaking of him, I probably shouldn't tell you that but on tuesday night he texted me nonstop making me promise him that I'd tell him in case anything serious happened with you, he was so worried it was almost scary, I'm even more glad now that nothing else happened just for his sake." Shit, I had had known he'd react this way, nobody should've ever said a word to him.

"I know, Louis, that's why I'm saying none of you should have called him in the first place. He can't handle it." He needed me too much, I was aware of it, I just loved him so much I didn't wanna think about how things could change in the future. Especially if I found a new girlfriend, he couldn't meet her if he freaked out like all the times before.

"I'm sorry, I know. But he would've been even more worried if he had ever found out by accident. He just loves you too much, he always has, I… I'm not even sure if you realize how much…" Then Louis went quiet, staring out the window, leaving me confused because what was he trying to say with that?

"What do you mean? Of course I realize it, it's only because we've been so close for so long and he's so used to it, I was always the one taking care of him, that's why, he's like my baby brother." Not really, actually, in some aspects, but I don't think I'd get this close if he was my real brother.

"Better not let Niall hear that, he has issues already because he's younger." That was true as well. He lowered his voice suddenly, I thought he was done now but I was wrong. "But maybe you should tell him, to draw a line, you know and… well, forget I said that."

"Draw a line? What are you trying to say with that, I-"

"Liam, forget it, okay? It's not so important anyway, and we're here." The car stopped, but I really didn't wanna get out now, the problem was, I knew what Louis was talking about and really, there was no topic in the world I would've wanted to avoid more than this, but what if Niall had told him, PERSONALLY? What if it made him feel so bad he needed to talk about it? "I can carry your stuff upstairs for you?"

"No… No, I got it, thanks for everything." I got out, slowly, opening the back door to get my stuff before shutting it again, still leaning in again anyway to look at Louis. "It's not that I don't know what you mean, but please, if he ever asks you, say that I don't."

There was no real answer which made assume that he already had said that. Great.

My flat was a mess as I walked inside, actually, I stopped in the doorway to take it in first, trying to figure out where to start first because I only had tonight to clean up, I'd have to go back to my lectures tomorrow and Niall would come over as well, not that he would have noticed anything out of place. Also, over the stupid conversation with Louis I had also forgotten to look at my car, guess I'd do that tomorrow, it wasn't really fun to constantly move with my rib, like, it didn't hurt so bad anymore, it was bearable, but it definitely would take a while to heal.

So that's what I was busy with for the next few hours, until like six or so, because that's when my phone went off and I picked up without checking, busy to try and fold the clothes Harry had left on the floor with one arm. "Yes?"

"I can't do it." Niall. He sounded quite stressed out, actually as if he was about to start crying.

"Yes, you can, Ni. That's what you wanted, right? You're nervous now but it'll be fine once you meet up with her, I promise. Text me if you run out of things to say and I'll try and help out." Hopefully that wouldn't be necessary but I felt so bad for him, I was ready to do anything to help him.

"But Liam, it's so stupid and I only realize it now, I didn't even ask her properly, actually SHE asked ME." I knew the story already, so I sighed because we've gone through this before, giving up on my shirt and walking out of my room instead.

"Why is that stupid? That's a good sign, she wouldn't have done that if she didn't like you, it's her house after all, she wouldn't just let anyone in." Let's ignore the fact that I absolutely had no experience at all, I was still wondering how I had managed to make two relationships work.

"Maybe it's not a date, you know, she just started talking about this movie and asked me if I had seen it and I said no so she said I should come over because she doesn't want to watch it alone." Niall was obviously freaking out, overanalyzing wouldn't help him now, but he always did that.

"No matter what it is you get to spend time together, right? If it goes well you'll become friends eventually and then-"

"But Liam, how can it work out well?! I don't even like horror movies, it's no wonder she didn't want to watch it alone, but I'm not gonna be a help if she gets scared because remember how I couldn't sleep that time we watched this one movie and I nearly pissed myself because I couldn't go to the bathroom alone?" Yeah… good times.

"Better not tell her that. Maybe she'll think it's cute when you're scared." How could she NOT think that Niall was cute, that was the other question.

"It's not cute, it's embarrassing as hell." Something fell down in the background, maybe Niall himself.

"I think it's cute." While going through the fridge I realized that there was nothing inside, I'd have to take Niall grocery shopping with me if he came over tomorrow, he hated it but he'd probably agree if it was for food.

"Shut up, Li, that's not helping, I also don't think it's embarrassing as hell in front of you." He used the chance to sit half on top of me and get me to calm him down and be extra nice and make him food. "I have nothing to wear either, I'll tell her I'm sick." 

"You can't pull out now, babes, when have you got to be there?" I looked at my clock as he waited for his answer, hoping that my car really worked like Louis had said.

"In an hour. Mum said she'd drive me which is stupid too because she'll keep bothering me about it. I hate my life, I hate everything, I'll mess up anyway." Now he was getting melodramatic, that was just Niall, I had a feeling if he kept whining like this he'd just bury himself in his bed and not go out of the house anymore this week to avoid being confronted with it again.

"Okay, I'll come over and we'll see if you really got nothing to wear and then I'll drive you over." I didn't need an answer because I knew he'd agree, which would be good since I was already out of my front door, hoping that he wouldn't start crying because it was one thing to tell him to stop overreacting but another if there were tears involved, that was one thing I couldn't handle well, whenever Niall cried I just did everything he wanted me to because it was too horrible.

"Okay…but I really don't have anything to wear, there's no need to check." His voice sounded a little happier now, there was a great chance he'd just try to convince me to stay at his place and not drive him anywhere.

"We'll see about that in ten minutes." Or sooner, depending on how my car looked like.

"I'm gonna die meanwhile." There was a sigh, he was in his bed, not doing anything about the situation, I knew it but I couldn't blame him for being so nervous, I actually felt bad, which was also why I was offering to come over.

"Please don't." I hung up after that because Niall just groaned, hopefully he wouldn't sleep in, getting him to wake up and go somewhere would complicate the whole thing even more.

After looking around for my car on the parking lot a little, I quickly walked around to check, it didn't look good at all, there was a bump where the other car had hit it, of course, but nothing I could do about it now, so I just got in, praying for the best.

It worked just like always, every single person stared into my direction while walking across the street as I stopped but it was like whatever, my car had never given a good sight anyway, I was lucky to have one at all.

I managed to get there in under ten minutes, it was quite good that we lived so close, or maybe not because I've had Niall walking to my flat at night, not telling me so I couldn't come and pick him up because he had gotten into a fight with his mum and had been crying. But that was just one side, everything else was positive about it, also the key he had, it's just, I was worried about him and maybe I couldn't always jump up and get him.

The house was so familiar to me by now it was actually ridiculous, the only thing that had ever changed was Niall and his room. His mum opened me almost ten seconds after I had rung the bell, she seemed stressed out. "Thank god, he's in his room, please tell him that I won't let him order those posters online again if he rips them."

"No worries, I got this." At least I hoped so.

"Thank you, I have no idea why he's being like this just because of a girl, I'd understand if he was just nervous but he's having like a mental breakdown or something." Maura shook her head as she let me in, I chuckled, bending down to take my shoes off. "Oh no, leave those on, just go upstairs, he needs you."

"Alright, thanks, see you in a bit." Well, now I was scared about what I'd find in Niall's room, I walked towards the stairs, trying to hurry up, we had under one hour and Niall was stubborn when he was like this.

The door was closed, obviously, there was some music coming out, but I didn't really bother waiting to be let in, I knocked once before just opening up, being met with the usual sight, messy as hell, walls plastered with so many posters I wasn't so sure what the color underneath even had been.

Niall was in his bed, on his stomach, the music was coming from his phone in his hand, he didn't even bother lifting his head from pressing his face into the pillow, knowing it was me. "Leave me to die."

"Come on now, stand up, we'll find you something to wear." He was just in sweatpants to begin with, he hadn't even bothered putting on a shirt and as he turned onto his back to stare up at me, I was reminded again of how he had once begged me to take him to the gym with me, he didn't need to lose weight, it was actually the opposite, he was skinnier than he wanted to be and literally had no muscles at all, that's part of why he was always moaning around that everybody would like me more anyways. 

"Why? It's not like clothes could help me now." There was another sigh, then he turned the music down, not sitting up though, only lowering his eyes.

"Alright, what's the matter?" I sat down on the edge of his bed, knowing that this would lead to nowhere if we didn't talk about it.

"Everything. Even if I find something to put on I'm still gonna look stupid and my jokes are terrible too. I'm actually terrible as a person as well, I don't even know why anyone would-"

"Be quiet, Ni, right now." This was going to far, I covered his mouth with my hand mid sentence, making him roll his eyes, not that I cared, I wouldn't listen to him insulting himself. "You get up now and go shower meanwhile I'll look through your clothes. And I can do your hair too, but only if you hurry up. Also, I love your jokes, if that helps, and you can't be that much of a terrible person because she was the one to invite you over."

"Fine." He was pouting as I took my hand away, but got up anyway to walk towards the door, slowly as ever.

"You only got twenty to thirty minutes depending on where she lives." Couldn't be that far away, but my car was not to be trusted anymore.

"Mhm." That was all I heard from the hallways, I hoped he'd take this seriously, if he didn't show up or messed up really badly, which I didn't think, this whining over Amy would never stop and I had no idea what else to do to help him, this was a perfect chance and he was just about to waste it.

Since he had been going through his clothes before, they were really messy now, half of the closet emptied on the floor, it would be hard to find something, not that it really mattered, I had no idea why he couldn't just simply wear a shirt and jeans because that's what would be appropriate anyway.

I just picked stuff I had seen him wearing more often, if I was being honest then he wouldn't have had to try, not even with his hair, he didn't believe me but he really did look fine, plus he was really funny and sweet too, no idea where the problem was, apart from the fact that he was overdramatic and emotional.

So when I found something that I would force him to wear, I walked down the hall to the bathroom, I even brought him new boxer shorts, socks and deodorant because I was that kinda person. "Ni, are you done yet? I got your clothes, open up."

"One second, I'm naked." Well, that was a start for getting out of the shower. 

He opened me up, looking pretty pale and dripping wet with only a towel around his waist, taking his clothes with an almost pleadingly look on his face. "Do I really have to?"

"Yes, go get dressed and tell me when you're done, you got five minutes or I'll just come in." Not really, but at least it made him groan and close the door as I smirked at him.

It took him four minutes in the end, the clothes fit him well, like predicted because everything fit him well, I made sure to smile. "See? You look really good, Ni, now come here."

My compliments didn't really get through, but he gave me the towel and let me dry his hair, not complaining this time when I told him to brush his teeth while I looked for his hair gel, stepping behind him then, this was easy since he was a lot smaller than me. "Tell me what I should talk about, what if I don't know what to say? She's gonna think I'm boring."

"Pretend that it's Harry or Louis or one of your friends, if it's dark in the room because of the movie you won't even see her so it'll be easier." I let go for a second so he could spit the toothpaste out, going right back to his hair then because I had a feeling time was running out.

"I can't pretend it's them, I don't want to kiss them or even impress them." Niall rolled his eyes at me through the mirror, as if it was obvious.

"Aww, you want to kiss her today?" That was probably not the reaction he had hoped for because he blushed terribly. "But you can pretend it's someone else at least for a while until you'll feel more comfortable."

"I could pretend it's you." I nearly dropped the hair gel at this, not commenting on it, or what he had said before about why it couldn't be any of the others, no, it had to be ME. Did I even want to know why this would work out?

"Alright, you're all done, clean your mouth and we're ready to go." Any distraction from the previous topic was fine, I swear, I even washed my hands way too long, now Niall was the one getting impatient. 

"What if I mess up so badly she'll kick me out?" We had come to the middle of the stairs when Niall started again.

"Then she wasn't worth it, don't think so much, it's gonna be totally different from what you think anyways." I rubbed his back a little, wishing I'd be able to take his fear but he'd have to go through this now. 

Niall's mum made sure to shower him with compliments as well, and also some up lifting words that had no effect on Niall whatsoever, he just sighed, promising he would text her before midnight to come and pick him up. I had offered to drive twice but Maura was against it, telling me I needed to recover or something, well, the good thing was that thanks to all this trouble I had forgotten about my rib.

"I'm sorry, I didn't ask you before, how are you feeling?" Niall got all caring again all of a sudden when we walked to my car, I put my arm around his shoulder loosely, pressing a kiss to his temple before letting go again to get my keys.

"I'm completely fine as you can see. My car on the other hand…" For a second, I took time to stare at the damage again, it looked ridiculous but there was nothing I could've done. 

"Well… at least it still works." He was right, but I just shrugged anyway, telling him to get inside, we weren't gonna be late now. 

"Alright, I don't wanna do this and I'm probably gonna hate myself in a second but here." As I said that, I reached down to where I kept my stuff while driving, pulling something out and dropping it into Niall's lap before starting the car, purposely not looking at him while doing that.

"You… You got _condoms_ in your car?!" Why was he shocked about that, more than about the fact that I gave them to him, because I was shocked about myself, he was such a baby still, oh god.

"Obviously I do, Niall, but the why is not so important right now, I just wanna make sure you're gonna be safe. Which is absolutely no encouragement, it would be wrong to have sex with her, you hardly know each other and anyway, you're too young." My main problem, at everything he did, he was SO YOUNG. God.

"I'm fifteen. And Amy is actually older than me." It sounded proud, but I threw a worried look at him and the smile was immediately gone. 

"Too young. Look, I just gave you those because I don't want anything to happen, I actually wish nothing would happen at all so I can sleep in peace tonight but yeah. Be careful, okay, promise me." I felt like his father or something, but I couldn't help it, I'd never forgive myself. 

"Yeah, I promise, I won't need those anyway." He sighed, almost as if he was disappointed but I decided to ignore that.

"Keep them anyway, you'll need them some day. Which way now?" The conversation ended with that, I was actually glad he didn't ask me anything about sex itself because I didn't wanna talk about it with him, not because I was embarrassed or so, but because I didn't want to have to think about Niall doing something like that, sure, it was normal, he'd grow up some day. I just didn't want it to be now.

When we stopped in front of the right house, Niall still had four minutes left, he remained seated, not making any attempts to move. "I think I have to throw up."

"You do?" I quickly looked over to make sure he was joking, well, it would've at least helped me to make a decision and save up for a new car.

"No… but if I did would you not make me go in there now?" Poor Niall, he looked so scared now as I turned my head, watching him fiddling with his fingers, sometimes throwing looks out of the window to the front door.

"Niall, you can do this, I know it. It'll go better than you think, it's just a movie and a little talking, just be like you always are, before you know it it's tomorrow and you're gonna be really glad that you've done it, I promise." Promising this was risky but I didn't know what else there was to say, he met my eyes now, still looking very unsure so I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, rubbing softly before pulling him into a hug. The one I got back was a little too tight. "It'll be okay, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. I bet she's just as nervous as you are." 

"I highly doubt that… are you picking me up tomorrow after school?" No idea how he had suddenly gotten to this, maybe he was trying to distract himself, I think he was even shaking slightly, face buried in my shirt.

"Yeah, but I'll text you before that anyway. I think you have to go inside, Nialler." Normally I would've ruffled his hair, but I held back today, we pulled apart slowly, I was about to let go when Niall kissed my cheek unexpectedly.

"Thank you for coming over and helping me." Seeing his smile now, it had been worth it.

"Anytime, Ni, you know that. Now better get going, should I wait until you're at the front door?" No idea what for, it would actually not make a good impression but I offered it anyway, making him think for a second before he shook his hand.

"No, thanks. It'll only make me wanna run back. Okay…see you tomorrow then…" His hand was at the door handle, sighing deeply before pushing it open.

"Good luck, Ni." I watched as he got out, closing the door again, not looking back anymore so I decided to drive away, I was just as nervous now, well, at least half as much, this made me really emotional as well, like, normally you'd expect a mother to have these feelings, but I couldn't help it anyway, he meant so much to me, I'd probably search this girl up and yell at her if she made him sad.

My phone stayed turned on that night, I tried to stay up a little longer, just in case, Niall would have to be home at midnight anyway however I hardly managed to do it until nine, the hospital bed had been horrible thinking about it and lying in my own now, I popped in a few more pain killers, checking my phone once more because I was worried, but nothing.

Maybe everything was going just fine, Niall was responsible right, he was old enough to know what he was doing, besides I had made sure he'd stay safe. Only thing that could happen was if things didn't go like he wanted to, I didn't want him to get hurt in any way, he had never had a girlfriend but a lot of crushes that had never worked out. Yeah… crushes…

 

———

 

I woke up a few times at night, the real reason was because I couldn't stop thinking about how devastated Niall would be even though I blamed it on my rib, besides, Niall would've texted me if anything had happened, but there was nothing on my phone the next morning either so I'd have to assume it was fine.

Still, I messaged him anyway, I was just going to be annoying today, I couldn't help it, I still had to remind him again to wait for me after school anyway.

Somehow I wished that he wouldn't take his phone out for once in school, or at least not during class, but of course, we were talking about Niall here.

 

_Nialler 9:12 am_

_it went fine, ill tell you when you pick me up. your rib ok? x_

 

This made me think, because, really? All that drama yesterday for a 'it went fine', I would've expected him to freak out or something, I don't know, maybe he was trying to play it cool now, I guess I'd have to see later, maybe his friends were watching. Which was very unlikely because he would never send me an 'x' at the end if that was the case, but yeah.

Except for the fact that Niall had his usual happy face whenever everyone could see that I was in front of his, actually my old as well, school to wait for him, there was nothing unusual, no 'LIAM I DID IT', something I would've expected, but I guess I had been wrong.

"Hi, Liam." The girls from Niall's class were exactly like he always told me, I had no idea why I seemed to be such a sensation but they giggled when I smiled, causing Niall to roll his eyes as he popped up behind them.

"I told him about the picture, he already knows you're all crazy as fuck." It was a joke, obviously, but there were suddenly many blushed faces, leaving Niall laughing while I just smirked, more about how amused he was by this. "They still think they'd ever have a chance when we all know I'm the only freshmen who gets you."

"Define _get_?" Niall was joking a lot about things like these, but sometimes I wasn't really sure how to take it.

"Oh come on, like you don't remember all the crazy nights we had." He winked at me, showing me that he was kidding which made me relax a little.

"You mean like the one you thought about drinking water out of my toilet because I-"

"Shh. No one has to know." His hand was over my mouth, there was still that goofy grin on his face as he pulled it away again, he was close, way too close, but I couldn't step back because there was the street behind me. For a second, I thought he'd take it too far and actually kiss me on the mouth now in front of his school, but as he went in, he quickly turned his head, pecking my cheek and bursting out laughing as he pulled away again. "You should've seen your face. I wouldn't be THAT gross to kiss."

"Maybe I could ask this girl over there staring at you." Niall seemed really confused, I softly turned him around by his shoulders, he froze immediately, awkwardly rising his hand before grabbing my wrist and pulling me away from the entrance while I tried to hold back laughter. Of course I knew what Amy looked like. "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

"There's nothing much to tell…" He mumbled, making it obvious that there actually WAS something. "Why did you not wait in the car?"

"I thought that I shouldn't destroy those girls' dreams, you know, they probably think I'm super rich and run around shirtless all day. Besides, you love when I pick you up." There was still some pink left on his cheeks from before, but I could see his dimples now when he smirked before throwing himself at me unexpectedly, making kissy faces.

"Yes, I do, Liii, and it's not only those girls that dream about you, you're so fit, why did you put on your shirt, you can-"

"Ugh, stop it, Ni." Of course he continued anyway until I laughed because he was just being so silly and wrapping his arms around me and completely exaggerating with everything he said.

As we reached my car, Niall was still giggling, he let go slowly though, to walk to the passenger side, falling into the seat and immediately playing with my radio like he always did. "Are you gonna get the car repaired?"

"Probably. But not anytime soon, it's still working so there's no rush." After pulling out of my space, I decided that Niall wouldn't get away so easily, he'd tell me anyway, I was just asking a little. "So, nothing happened, yeah?"

"Umm… I guess she likes me…" His eyes were on his hands, blush creeping back into his face quickly.

Since I found this too cute, and also because I couldn't wait to hear the full story, it seemed I was more desperate for them to work out than Niall I decided to test him a little, waiting a few seconds before I stopped the car at a red light, turning my head. "What… What's that on your neck? Is that a love bite, Niall?!"

"What?! But…" Niall immediately covered his neck, panic written in his eyes before he pouted as I bursted out laughing, realizing I had just been kidding. "That's not funny."

"But I got you. You kissed her?" Well, a little more than simple kissing if a love bite would've been possible. 

"…Maybe." Then he shrugged, smiling slightly to himself and it was so cute I wanted to pinch his cheeks, which wouldn't have made him very happy so I tried to keep my excitement to myself.

"So you're gonna see her again?" Obviously, but I was talking about in his free time.

"Yeah, I think so… you know we… we didn't really talk about it afterwards but… I got her number and all, I think… I think it could work." He was really happy telling me that, even if he was blushed and refused to look at me but I knew that he enjoyed it anyway.

"Aww, you're all grown up, baby cakes." If there was one thing in the world he hated, it was me acting like this and right after that came this nickname, I was just teasing a little, deep down I meant it, he was so grown up and I didn't want to believe it which was ridiculous. 

"Be quiet, Liam, just because you're old. I'm nearly as old as you were when you moved back here." Right, and that was quite shocking, where did all the time go.

"You used to hold my hand while walking over the street four years ago and yesterday you snogged a girl, give me a break, I'm allowed to get a little emotional here." It was weird because I didn't feel as if I had changed so much, which kinda made sense, but Niall had, a lot, and I was really proud of him now.

"Remember when YOU snogged this senior chick, she thought I was like, five. And she hated me." Yeah, my first girlfriend, it had been so freaking ridiculous how both of them had been trying to get my attention to themselves I hadn't been able to meet up with both of them at the same time anymore.

"You dumped a whole plate of pasta into her lap, out of pure purpose." I reminded him, it hadn't been an accident, he had even confessed it later.

"Yeah, that was funny. At least I got you to pay attention to me after that." See, he was even proud of it, he didn't even make a secret about what he had been trying to achieve. "And you didn't even get mad at me."

"There was a reason everyone thought you were five, because you looked like it and I couldn't have possibly been mad at you when you were this cute." When had we gotten to this topic anyway, we were nearly home already.

"I'm still cute, you said it yourself." Normally he complained about it so I was a little surprised by that, smirking.

"Of course you are, you're my cute, little baby Nialler, come here, let me give you a kiss." Like expected, he immediately opened the door the second the car had stopped, I had pretended to stretch my arms out towards him, making him run away from me in horror. Not like he actually minded when I gave him kisses. Because he liked to kiss me on the cheek as well, like before. And very accidentally too close to my mouth too.

Since Niall left his backpack in the car, I took it with me when I followed him into the building, immediately making him jump as he saw what I was doing. "No, give it to me, you can't carry it, it's too heavy, you've been hurt."

"I'm fine." He was right, I shouldn't be carrying it and he pulled on the strap so I let go because holding on would have probably hurt more.

"Sorry. I forgot it, I didn't want to make you carry it." I couldn't believe that he really was guilty because of that so I put my arm around his shoulder, having him walk closer immediately.

"I'm not made of glass now, it's cracked, nothing more." And besides that, I constantly was on pain killers, I shouldn't have been driving probably, now I was the one feeling guilty.

"Still, let's take the elevator." Niall didn't leave me much of a choice, he slipped out from under my arm, shoving his hand into mine instead to pull me away from the staircase, letting go of me as soon as he had pressed the button at the elevator. Which was actually funny, I remembered when he had been about to turn 14 he had suddenly thought that he was too cool for touching me more than for a simple hug, and it had lasted a while but now he was getting clingy as ever again. Not that I minded.

"I've got to tell you something." As soon as I fumbled with the keys in the lock, I remembered what I needed to tell him, immediately making him worry for no reason at all.

"What?" He sounded really scared which forced me to hold back a laugh as I stepped inside my flat, closely followed by Niall.

"I've got no food left at home and we'll have to go to the store." This were bad news, Niall without food didn't work so well. 

"Do we have to go today?" That's why I hadn't told him earlier, because he'd start whining that he didn't want to, which I understood because I didn't want to either. 

"No, we can order something, but tomorrow morning, okay?" Well, that probably wasn't a good idea because mornings were none of our thing either but it's not like I had a choice. "Or I can also go alone."

"No, it's fine, you're not allowed to carry stuff." Before I had fuller taken off my shoes, Niall had dropped everything to the floor, walking towards my bedroom, as if it was his home, it was somehow, his second at least. "I'll borrow some clothes." 

Answering would have done exactly nothing, he would just take what he wanted anyway, even if everything was too big on him, he didn't seem bothered by it and I couldn't have cared less, Louis and Harry actually did the same thing with my stuff, it's like I wasn't even sure anymore if I had even bought everything myself.

"I'll take a shower." I just called out, I felt rather gross from being at college all day, besides I heard someone dropping into my bed, assuming that Niall was equally as tired as I was, maybe that's why he didn't give an answer.

Also, I suddenly realized that I had no clothes in the bathroom after getting out of the shower, a good possibility to stop for a second and look at my bare upper body, I had a few smaller bruises, which appeared almost invisible compared to the larger one. It was so gross, seriously, it was like every color from purple to blue and green and yellow, disgusting, at least it felt kinda numb now from the pills, but Niall's eyes would pop out anyway.

When I entered my room with just a towel around my hips, Niall was actually buried in my bed, I think he was even wearing my sleep shirt and sweatpants while playing on his phone, looking up lazily before his face fell. "Oh god."

"It's not THAT bad…" I stopped walking, because was it really SO scary?

Niall actually dropped his phone, crawling to the edge of the bed to get a closer look. "Yes, it is. Doesn't it hurt like hell?"

"To be completely honest with you I'm totally high on pain killers." Not totally, just a little bit. 

"You should've told me! I wouldn't have let you drive over to my school." It sounded as if he was actually mad now, he cared so much it made me feel all warm, I pressed a quick kiss on his forehead before trying to find something to pun on, at least pants. 

"Ni, I wouldn't have driven over if I wouldn't have been able to, but we're here now anyway." The fact that my favorite sweatpants were missing made me assume that someone else was wearing them, also claiming them as HIS favorite. Yeah, so I told Niall to turn around so I could change, not putting on a shirt because my bruise felt kinda hot anyway, I just lied down next to Niall, taking out my phone as well. "What are we gonna do now?"

"Lie here." He yawned, wiggling around a little until the blanket was covering our legs, Niall was on his side, reaching out with one hand to carefully touch my rib, making me flinch. "Hurts?"

"No, I don't know." His thumb was softly stroking over my skin, it felt good because he always had cold hands and it was kinda nice too, having him being so gentle and trying to make me feel better.

"Should I go get you ice for that?" Niall was now just holding the back of his hand against my bruise, he probably felt that he was cooling it down this way.

"No, it's okay, but thanks." I let my eyes fall closed actually, just lying here for a few minutes made me wanna take a ten hour nap hour or something, Niall let go of me for a second to pull the blanket higher before going back to resting his hand against my side gently, probably typing on his phone because he occasionally giggled, the only thing keeping me awake.

"Harry asked me what I'm doing can we take a picture?" Whenever we took pictures they ended up as his background so I agreed, under the condition that I wouldn't have to move, Niall sat up over happily, nearly falling on top of me as he went to lie in the crook of my arm, his hair was nearly brushing my cheek now. I pulled a face at his camera, since it was for Harry and also because I didn't want to look as if I had been seconds from passing out. 

It made Niall giggle as well, he remained this close for a while and I just shut my eyes again. "What did Harry say?"

"He asked me if you're naked and I said yes and that I'm about to be as well. And now I won't text back anymore." There was some sound, probably his phone dropping on the bed, his wait was gone after a few seconds as well but I could still feel him close, as he draped the blanket higher up his body, hand coming to a rest on my rib again. 

"That's a good idea…" His words hadn't even made any sense to me, but I liked the feeling of his cool palm against my bruise.

"Are you gonna sleep in? Can we still order food later?" Even though I hardly knew what he was saying, I did something what I thought was nodding.

"Sure…" My voice was heavy, I hardly got it out because I was actually asleep already, at least it made Niall chuckle quietly.

No idea how long I actually slept, since I never checked a clock, but as I was woken up by some really weird dream, I was staring right into Niall's face as soon as my eyes flattered open. Obviously I had turned onto my side as well, making his hand drop between us, we were so close I think I could feel Niall breathe evenly against my skin.

He was asleep as well now, all tangled up in my blanket while I was left without any oft it. Didn't surprise me actually, we had shared blankets before and the outcome was always Niall pulling it all to himself in his sleep. Maybe that was part of why I had woken up, I was half naked without anything to cover myself.

Something was under my hand as I sat up lazily, turned out it was Niall's phone that he had just dropped somewhere so I decided to check the time, not expecting to see a picture of us as his background, not the one from before but another one. I really liked when he did that, I don't know, he'd probably stop because of Amy and all that, but that was different anyway.

It was actually already seven thirty, we both hadn't eaten for hours, which I probably would be able to handle even if my stomach growled, but Niall would get a little cranky when he woke up, especially if it would be too late then to go and get something. 

So I stretched a little, regretting it immediately because my pills had stopped working, but I got up anyway, leaning over Niall to try and untangle him from the blanket which made him sigh, burying his face deeper into the pillow and turning onto his stomach, giving me a really hard time here. I just wanted to make sure he was properly tugged in, he got too cold too easily anyway, and I was too worried as well.

When I finally managed to get Niall to cooperate in his sleep, I stayed a little longer to watch him, he looked so young like this, it was almost as if he was a little boy again that would notice my absence even if he was asleep and come crying so I'd let him nap in my lap instead. That's why it was so hard to go, or to even fully realize that he was a teenager now and that it was absolutely normal to kiss girls and whatnot, I shouldn't have been thinking this way, but I did. He'd probably always stay elven years old in my head.

Niall didn't wake up, not even while I was ordering pizza, cleaning my room a little as I waited afterwards, he moved a little, but his breath stayed even and his face relaxed. I was glad that he got some sleep actually, no idea what he had been doing last night, hopefully he had really been at home, but I knew his mother too well, she wouldn't let him stay at a girl's house over night on a weekday, so yeah.

When the pizza came, I had actually managed to put on a shirt, hoping that I didn't look as messed up as I felt, I didn't want anyone to think I was getting like high in here or something. Even if I kinda did, from pain killers.

So since Niall would not be as mad at me anymore since I could promise him food and all, I walked back into my bedroom after putting the pizza boxes into the living room, as much as I loved Niall, I wouldn't let him eat in my bed.

He was still all curled up and snuggling with my second pillow when I sat down on the edge, half leaning over him to put my hand on his shoulder, waking him up was hard, like, he had such a deep sleep. "Hey, Ni. Time to wake up, come on, you gotta eat something."

Even though I was being all gentle, brushing some hair out of his forehead and promising him food, he still tried to bat my hand away, groaning while attempting to turn away from me, but I stopped him from it, it would only make things even more complicated.

"Come on up, you can sleep later, I got you some pizza, didn't you ask me to order something before?" Just because it was most likely to get him to wake up this way, I leaned over, kissing his temple softly, waiting a little to do it again when nothing happened.

This time his eyes flattered open a little, he seemed confused, staring up at me still half asleep. "Pizza?"

"Yes, but only if you stay awake now, babe." It was cute how Niall stretched like a cat, rubbing over his eyes with his knuckles before attempting to sit up, I held him because otherwise he would have fallen off the edge.

"Where is it?" Niall blinked a few times before hugging my arm, leaning heavily into my side.

"In the living room, come on, sleepyhead." As I ruffled his hair softly, he just remained like this, falling against me even more.

"Carry me." This surprised me, really, I hadn't carried him in a really long time, at least not while he was awake, but him asking hadn't happened in quite a long time. Which wasn't really surprising either since he was fifteen and all.

"Maybe you should walk, or you'll sleep in again." Not that I would have minded carrying him, he was really light anyway, and cute too when he was sleepy and in a cuddly mood like this.

"Nooo. Please?" So that and Niall nuzzling his face into my shirt was enough for me to give in, I tried to unclench him from me even if he held on for a while but in the end I convinced him to stand up for a second so I'd be able to easily pick him up bridal style.

Like I had feared, he got too comfortable immediately, letting his eyes drop again after putting his arms around my neck and snuggling his head into my shoulder. "Stay awake, Ni, pizza, remember?"

"Mhmm, yeah, I'm awake…" Well, that didn't convince me at all.

I let him be then, holding back a sigh before kissing his forehead slightly, causing a small smile to form on his lips as I pulled back again. Sometimes it was so easy with us, because despite all the time that had passed, at the end of the day we were still just us, I was way too overprotective and Niall was way too affectionate, not bad things actually, this is how it had always been and i didn't want for it to end, like ever, that's why I was a little scared, of Niall growing up, I was scared of losing him, our friendship, I didn't want things to change.

It was still nice, even ifI thought I'd have to wake Niall up again, but he actually managed to somehow keep his eyes open then, half lying on top of me then, with my arm around his shoulders while we were watching some boring soaps and eating pizza, I enjoyed it though, we mostly talked, Niall cracked jokes even if he was too lazy to laugh about them himself, but it was great. Maybe also because it had been some time ago I had had him over for a whole weekend, but probably it was just Niall.

In the end, I didn't even regret both of us falling asleep on the couch without turning the TV off first or finishing our pizzas, but at least Niall had pulled the blanket from the back of the couch over us before, his arm around my stomach under it.

 

———— 

 

"Liam. Li. Li. Hey, wake up, you're completely squishing me, ugh, lose some weight man….Liam, god damn it, wake up!" There was something uncomfortable on my head for a second, I'm guessing Niall had slapped me, seeing as he giggled afterwards, right into my ear.

Also, I felt unusually warm, somehow it felt nice on the other hand the couch wasn't as soft as usually, so I decided to check what the hell was up, lifting my head slowly, yawning before looking down. Oh, so that was why Niall was freaking out, I was on top of him, and he didn't give a very good alternative to a couch or mattress because he was so skinny. 

"Close your mouth! None of us has brushed his teeth last night, it's ten in the morning. I feel like shit but I can't move because you're suffocating me here." Which wasn't true, I wasn't fully on top of him, but I probably weighed twice as much so I tried to keep my weight on my elbows now before attempting to get up.

"Calm down, you survived it for eleven hours, two more seconds won't kill you, babes. At least it was warm." Because the blanket was somewhere on the floor, somewhere with the open pizza cartons, i'd probably have to wash it now.

"Really hot actually." Niall winked at me and I rolled my eyes at his stupid humor, but it made me smile anyway.

"Alright, keep your weird thoughts to yourself and get up, we have to go to the store." This made Niall groan, but he reached out for my hand after I got to my feet, easily pulling him up next to me. "You can have the bathroom first, I'll clean this up real quick." 

"Do you still have my hoodie from last time?" He often forgot clothes at my place, not bothering to ever pick them up since he'd come back anyway and wouldn't have to bring any extra bags then, he also had a toothbrush at my place for that matter. 

"Maybe, you have to go look, but you can also wear my stuff." No idea why I bothered telling him, he was already wearing it after all.

While Niall was gone, I did my best to get the living room looking clean again, it was hard because we had managed to get pizza on the floor and you know what, I was in college and my rib fucking hurt so I didn't get a vacuum cleaner, it's not like there was anyone to impress. Also, I got dressed and tried to not give in to pain killers, it'd hurt but it wouldn't be safe to drive a car afterwards, especially if Niall was with me, I'd survive for a while without them eventually.

"Hurry or I'll fall asleep again." Niall was actually really dressed in one of my hoodies again as he came out of the bathroom, not sure if he had even bothered looking for his own, probably not.

"I just need to brush my teeth, it'll take me five minutes." That should be a reasonable amount of time for him to stay awake right, I stopped worrying about that when he actually just thought about it for a second before following me, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub.

Three seconds passed before his mouth was open again, I knew, because I had silently counted them. "Amy just texted me."

I rose an eyebrow at him, not answering since my mouth was full of toothpaste, he'd probably not appreciate it if I spit it into his face.

"She told me not to tell anybody because we should figure this out ourselves at first. What do I say?" Nothing. He shouldn't have said anything because my stomach kinda dropped at his words, I quickly spit out so I'd have more time to find a suitable answer for this, his face was too hopeful to crash it with my real thoughts.

"Umm… you know, I think you need to talk to her. Like, in person, and tell her what you want." Because I had a feeling she didn't want the same, shit. My only comfort was that the only thing they had done was meeting up one time and snogging, he couldn't have gotten too attached in case this turned out bad, right?

Wrong, he looked down all of a sudden, his voice changing to mumbling. "I think she never wants to see me again."

"You never know if you don't ask. If she doesn't then she's not worth it anyway." Nobody was, not for Niall, at least if you asked me.

"Yeah… I'll wait a little before texting back… are you done?" I actually hated when he just changed the topic like that mid sentence something that was important to him, because I knew where his thoughts were anyway.

"Yeah… let's go then, come on." Niall managed a brief smile when I rubbed my hand up and down his back softly, but as soon as he bent down to get his shoes on, it was gone again.

During the whole car ride, he switched the channels of my radio constantly, his leg going up and down so fast, I actually reached over at some point, to keep it down. 

"Sorry…" He mumbled, leaning back now and leaving some shitty song on to ruin our sense of hearing.

"It's fine, Ni. I promise that if you talk to her, it's gonna be okay, you didn't do anything wrong." Please, let this work out, god, I would've given my arm for them to be happy together.

"Mhmm…" Somehow I suddenly got the feeling that he hadn't told me everything, at least the blush in his face and his straight stare out the window made me feel like there was more, but I didn't ask, he would tell me whatever he wanted to and I wouldn't push it.

Going to the grocery store with Niall was actually funny, he was so completely unwilling to go find anything, he ended up pushing the trolley after me, so close, he nearly bumped into my every time I stopped, so I kept my hand on it, to prevent it from hitting places that would make me regret not pushing it myself.

So while I cursed myself for not writing a shopping list, Niall was deep in thoughts, I saw the absent look on his face every once in a while as I checked, also, he hardly talked, which was unusual.

But of course, when I was trying to find out how many boxes of cereal a normal person needed, he suddenly spoke up. "Li?"

"Hm?" Wow, I hadn't eaten cereal in so long, why were there so many choices? Did Niall even like cereal that much though, maybe I should get him something else for breakfast or-

"Did you have sex with your first girlfriend?" Wait, what?!

"Um…" Actually, even if my breath stopped for a second, I didn't look at him, it had taken him courage to bring it out and besides that, I felt the heat crawling into my cheeks. Was it suitable to tell this story to him? Maybe he'd be satisfied with a simple answer. "I… well, you know… well, yes I did."

"Was it your first time?" Alright, I take everything back, I had been wrong, great, and I had just thrown cereal with chocolates into the trolley before walking on down the aisle. 

"No. No, it wasn't." The next question was not too hard to guess then.

"When was it then?" Niall pressed on, he was so fucking interested into this, I was just glad he didn't ask any details on the actual thing.

"Umm… you know how… Louis and Harry always brought me along to parties well… on my seventeenth birthday they threw a party for me and… I was drunk. Really, really drunk, because I never actually drank before. So then I slept with this girl and… it was a mistake and that's why I hardly drink now." Which was also part of the reason why I didn't want Niall to even come near alcohol, nothing I could decide, I know, because who says that he'd be as dumb as me, right.

"So, you slept with her but you weren't dating and you hardly knew her?" Wow, look, so many different kinds of pasta.

"Yeah… but I do regret it. I actually regret having sex with my first girlfriend also, I just did it because, I guess. Never do that, okay, if you're not sure then wait." We still hadn't looked at each other, during the whole conversation, we were lucky hardly anyone was around or this might have come off as weird.

"What if… what if I had slept with Amy on thursday, would you have been mad at me?" You know what, I blame this on Niall, because he always asked such questions that weren't meant to be taken seriously, so I just didn't, somehow glad that the topic was away from me.

"No, why would I be mad? It's your decision, Ni, I was just saying that you hardly know each other and you haven't discussed how this should go on yet." While saying this, I threw a few more things into the trolley, I had given up on comparing prices.

For a while, nobody said a word, I nearly zoned out again because shopping for groceries was so fucking exhausting, but Niall's thin voice brought me back, I actually turned my head this time. "Liam?"

"What?" Niall was pale as fuck, also torturing his bottom lip like crazy, looking straight at me as he took a shaky breath.

"I had sex with her on thursday." I nearly choked.

"WH- I mean, you… seriously? You had… I mean, that's… well… did you, you know umm… "Use the fucking condom what the hell?!

"Well… it kinda slipped out of my pocked when I got out of your car." WHAT.

"Niall?! Are you insane, you-"

"I used the ones Louis and Harry gave me, it's fine, I wouldn't have done it without, I'm not stupid." This was just getting WORSE AND WORSE. I'd fucking kill them.

"Why did they give you… okay. It's fine, it happens, I mean… " No. This was such a wrong image, I wanted it to get out of my head, especially because Niall was so beaten down about it, refusing to look at me now while I felt myself slightly shaking, he was a baby after all, I couldn't get this into my head.

"It's not fine, because well… we got along really well before but… she just kissed me and it kinda just happened, I didn't really want to anymore then but it was too late to say it so I just did it and I was really bad, that's probably why she wrote me that text message before, because I sucked and now she-"

"Hey, no, stop it. Ni, if you didn't want to, you should've just stopped, why'd you carry on, just to impress her? You don't need her if she doesn't accept if you change your mind, you know." Holy shit, it was actually a wonder my voice was still so calm, because I was nearly losing my mind here, the fucking trolley between us was the only thing keeping me from shaking Niall and begging him to see how wrong he was about everything he had said.

"It doesn't matter anyway, because I think she didn't like it. Which is not my fault like… I was confused and… Louis and Harry only told me what to do when you have sex with a guy not a girl…" In the end, he made some sound as if he was actually annoyed and I, well, my eyes were nearly falling out of my fucking head.

"Louis and Harry gave you a sex talk?! About how to sleep with guys?!" They better not pick their phones up today if they didn't want to go deaf.

"I asked them. I would've asked you but… you never slept with a guy, have you?" Suddenly he seemed unsure as our eyes met again, did I come off as if I had had sex with so many people, it were only three.

"No. Have you?" Who knows what else he had kept from me, I wasn't mad, just surprised, negatively, not that I was disappointed in him, I felt bad for him, because his first time had happened like this and now he regretted it. Like me, I was talking out of experience.

"No. I was just wondering, you know…so I asked them, but anyway. I messed it up, Li. What am I supposed to do now?" The last thing I needed was him to break out into tears in the middle of a grocery store, so when I saw his eyes getting wet, I quickly rushed over to wrap him up in my arms, pressing him against my chest tightly as I felt his arms around me as well, returning my hug.

"Listen, babe, I can promise you, you did nothing wrong. You had no experience, that's not your fault, you shouldn't have done it in the first place because you didn't want to but let's put that aside for a second. If this is the only reason why she doesn't wanna be with you anymore then she's a fucking bitch and you should forget her. But we don't know that, we don't even know if that's why she texted you, you really gotta talk to her, Ni, can you do that?" Some people walking by stared at us but I ignored them, simply focusing on rubbing Niall's back softly while keeping my other arm tightly around his small waist as he silently sniffed into my shoulder.

"I-I guess…I just…I wish I… would've asked you a few things before being so stupid…" I suddenly wished that too now, even though I had been glad that he hadn't, because I was not as open with this stuff as Louis and Harry seemed to be.

"No, you're not stupid, sweetie. You can ask me anything." Of course I'd try and help anyway, it was Niall after all.

"I know, I just… I didn't want you to think that I'd just go off and sleep with every person that I meet or something… I'm not like that, I don't wanna be like that, I really like her, but it was a mistake." He let out a sigh against my neck that made me wanna cry, I didn't want him to be sad, I hated that he had gotten hurt or that he would think that there was something he couldn't tell me.

As I pulled away slowly, he refused for a second before letting go as well, I was really relieved to see that he hadn't actually cried, but I cupped his face gently, rubbing my thumbs across his cheekbones anyway. "I would never think that of you, Ni. Things like that happen, to me as well, it's fine. I know you, something like that could never make me see you any different, okay? You're my best friend, no matter what. We'll fix this, I promise." No idea how, but that was actually not my biggest concern right now as I kissed Niall's forehead, I was just desperate for him to feel better, I needed him to trust me, didn't he know that I'd fucking kill for him. 

Niall's smile was blinding, as soon as I had let go of his face, he wrapped his arms around my waist against, nearly making me stumble into the shelve behind me before I could hold onto him to stop both of us from falling. "You're my best friend too, LiLi."

His words caused my stomach to feel all warm and fuzzy, Niall was melting against me, so I decided I would appreciate the moment for a bit, burying my face in his hair that smelled like my own shampoo and smiling slightly to myself.

We stayed wrapped up into each other for a bit, until I remembered that I had put stuff into the trolley that needed to be kept cold so I told Niall we'd have to hurry up now, but it didn't bring his mood down or so, if anything, he was more motivated to help me now, probably also because I let him make so many choices involving sweets and drinks, but he came over so often, why shouldn't he have a say in this as well? Besides, if he ever came into my flat when I wasn't there he shouldn't starve either, I was just planning ahead.

When we got back home, Niall's mood was still pretty good, he helped unpack and I made us breakfast, anything to keep him this happy and distract him was worth it right now, I hated Niall being sad and after what I had heard, his date had actually been disastrous. Which made me feel like shit because he had been so excited about it, he was like a beaten puppy whenever he got disappointed, it was like, unbearable to not rush and comfort him or do everything he wanted you to do.

"Li, you should really get a cat." Niall threw in while happily drinking his hot chocolate with a straw, thoughtfully picking at his waffles.

"I should what?" Of course I had heard him, I just couldn't believe that we were talking about this right now.

"Get a cat." He rolled his eyes at me, shoving way too much into his mouth at once but surprisingly being able to swallow it without any problems.

"Why?" Ever since my old cat Loki got run over by a car I thought Niall had been traumatized for life, I thought the word 'cat' would make him burst out into tears forever, it had, for over two months, but that had been, three years ago. 

"Because they're cute and I can play with it. Or get two cats, so they don't get lonely. I even thought of a name already." Was this really happening. 

"You want me to get a cat so you can play with it?" Of course, why else, Niall was going to kill me one day with his obsession with cats, I thought that phase had been over already a long time ago.

"Yeah. And cuddle. You wanna hear the name or not, it's a pretty unique name, like, I thought about it for a whole chemistry class." As I glared at him playfully, he just chuckled, not caring about the fact that he always insisted on ALWAYS paying attention in school.

"What name?" I was really confused now, this idea had come out of nowhere, why was he thinking about me buying cats during his classes.

"Jellybeans. It's a good name because I like sweets and I bet you no one else would name their cat that." After Niall had finished I just blankly stared at him, he seemed a little unsure now, moving on his chair for a bit before I bursted out laughing, what was even going through his head?!

"You're really cute and cuddly already, Nialler, I don't need a cat." Mostly because I had never even contemplated getting a cat but also because if I really did buy one, which I didn't plan on, Niall would insist that he could come along and then he'd fall in love with every single animal he saw.

It had happened once, with puppies, someone was giving them away for free and Niall nearly lost his mind because he was allowed to hold them and let them jump on his lap all at once, but at the end of the day, he had been crying in his bed about how much he missed them, so, not a good thing to repeat.

"Yes, you do. I'll make you a list of pros and cons. Actually only pros, what would be the cons of having someone around to constantly cuddle with and pet and be around when you're sad or something." No idea what this was turning into, Niall was clearly running out of arguments, but I kept smiling at him.

"I already have someone like that." Since he was confused about my words, I smirked at him. "We forgot to buy your catnip."

"Ha, ha, ha, Li, I'm serious, you should really-"

Before he was able to finish, my phone went off, it was laying on the table between us so both of us could see Louis' picture popping up, it made Niall's head snap immediately, he could probably sense how I clenched my hand into a fist under the table, thinking about before.

"Don't tell them about … the talk I had with them. Please. It'll be embarrassing." Not for them, obviously, because if I would ask like Niall had, they'd just tell me everything, but they'd probably tease Niall, not to be mean, but he always took it to heart.

"No worries, not gonna say a word." I quickly swallowed my anger down before I picked up, I would've gladly yelled if Niall would've allowed me to, not that that would've helped any, I also had no reason at all to be mad, they hadn't done any harm. "Yes?"

"Payno, hey, what's up? How's your rib?" Right, I hadn't taken any pills today, this was good, even though the reasons why I had forgotten about them were not pleasant at all.

"It's fine. Niall's here too, you-"

"HEY, LOU!" And now I was deaf.

"Louis, if you start screaming as well now then I'm gonna kill you." Just to be on the safe side, I held the phone away a little, there was a really big grin on Niall's face, he leaned over the table, probably to hear our conversation, not that I minded it, not like Louis and me had secrets…well, except for… that unspoken one. I guess, it didn't count then.

"I won't, I'm only gonna start torturing you again when you're completely healthy. You guys should come over, we haven't hung out all together in a while…well, except for the last few days." A hospital was not exactly my number one dream location to hang out with people though.

"Yeah… you guys can come over too, I actually don't feel like going anywhere." Besides, if we stayed here then I could take some pills… "Let me just ask Niall."

"Yes! They should come over and tell Louis he should tell Harry that he needs to bring an extra controller." Niall and Harry were obsessed with this one game, I didn't get the hang of it even though I was the one who had bought it, mostly for Niall actually, but his birthday had been over already so I claimed I had bought it for myself, Niall didn't even have a PS3 after all.

"I heard him, alright, we'll be over then, in a while or so. You two are not going anywhere or so, are you?" Right before I opened my mouth to say no, Louis suddenly laughed. "Or doing something we don't wanna walk into?"

"Goodbye." This was mostly annoying, but also, I feared that Niall might have heard him, he found jokes like that hilarious, and I didn't wanna know why.

"What did he say?" I stood up, taking my plate in an attempt to act as if it hadn't been anything, but deep inside I sometimes felt a need to slap Louis across the face, in a friendly way.

"Inappropriate things, not meant for Niallers." Of course he'd be pouting, I quickly leaned down while walking by his chair, pressing a kiss on top of his head. "Eat, before it gets cold. You want more hot chocolate?" 

"No, I'm fine, thanks." Maybe Niall bought my innocent act or maybe he sensed that I wouldn't share my thoughts with him, so he picked up where Louis had cut him off. "So, when are you gonna buy that cat? You should do it on a tuesday, I could come along."

That's what our whole morning consisted of, actually it was already 12 when we finally finished cleaning the kitchen, moving on the to the living, Niall running after me like a little puppy, which was kinda ironic to think because all of his thoughts were consumed by freaking cats.

When we heard the doorbell, he jumped up off the couch immediately, we had just been sitting here talking for good an hour. "I'll get it, I need to win Louis and Harry over before you poison their mind with your anti-cat attitude."

"I'm more of a dog person." Puppies, to be exact, because while he told me that, he was bouncing up and down like one before ripping the door open, not even asking, of course.

Niall jumped at Harry, he really did, literally, he did it with me too, provided I wasn't hurt like now. Harry didn't mind at all, he was taller than all of us but especially Niall so he carried him inside before putting him down again. "Well, hello to you too, you good?" 

It was actually cute how you could see it written all over Niall's face, that he loved Louis and Harry to death, I used to get slightly jealous over this until one time, I got really mad for no reason at all and I just left when we had all been hanging out, having Niall call me up sobbing and apologizing one million times. He had only been fourteen, yet he was on the phone telling me that I was the most important person in his life and that he needed me and he had only spent so much time with Harry before because he had thought I was busy on my phone.

That's when I decided to keep my emotions under control, it was obvious, that he loved me more than them and I wasn't saying this because I was narcissistic, everyone knew that, also that I'd choose him over every other person any day.

So that's why I was just watching the scene in front of me now, smiling slightly because Louis was pretending to be pouting because he hadn't gotten a hug yet, having Niall cling to him like a koala within seconds.

"Ni, why don't you enlighten them with your plans about expanding my family?" My family… it actually only consisted of those three idiots over there at my front door and my mum.

"Are you pregnant, Liam?" Louis was still rubbing Niall's back, looking slightly amused by the affection he got today. 

"Funny." I decided to lie down, I had two couches anyway, the others had enough space there.

"I told him he should buy a cat, but he doesn't want to." Niall explained, throwing a glare at me before Louis pulled him along to go sit down while Harry laughed at Niall's grumpy face, following.

"Why not, Li? Can't imagine how boring it must be to live alone." Which I did, technically, but everyone else came over so often or I was somewhere else, I didn't really mind to be left alone for a while.

"Niall doesn't want me to have a cat, he wants the cat himself." I laughed, because the blush in Niall's face told me that I was right, of course I was.

"Maybe I do, but that's not what we're talking about." He insisted, pulling away from Louis, not sitting down next to Harry like I had expected, he actually came over to me, looking down until I got the message and half sat up again, propping my legs on the coffee table instead. Even if he was trying hard to get me to think that he was mad at me, he still fell into the now empty space next to me, scooting so close that he could lean his elbow on my lap. Amazing.

"But I don't need a cat, I don't even live alone, I got you, don't I?" Since he was so close, I wrapped my arms around, so his were pressed against his body, making him squirm, but I was too strong, deciding to have a little fun. "And you're my precious little baby, I only need you and no one else."

"Li, stop, wait, I-"

When I started planted kisses onto his face and head, trying to hold back laughter, because he tried really hard to get away from me he only ended up half in my lap, giving up then. Deep down, I knew he didn't actually mind, we were just playing around besides Louis and Harry were watching as well. "But you like cuddling with me, don't you?"

"No." Niall stayed stubborn, he didn't try to get away now because the position wasn't even uncomfortable, he leaned his head back against my chest, eyes fixed on the turned off TV.

"Guys, we feel a bit left out here." They were joking, but that didn't stop me.

"Aw, you should all come over and we cuddle Niall together." Instead of listening to Niall's protest about this, because 'I'm not a baby!', I tightened my arms around him, pressing a last kiss to his cheek that had turned hot now. 

"Can we just play, Haz?" Obviously his new tactic was to ignore me, would be a bit hard while half being on top of me and without being able to use his arms, but I just held back laughter, pressing my face into his hair.

"Sure." Harry chuckled, he probably gave Niall a controller, I heard him standing up, so I lifted my head again to see him using my TV as if it was his, normal behavior, they also went to my fridge and ate anything they found if I had tough luck.

"Li, I can't move." Niall's voice was so filled with fake anger it was too amusing to stay serious.

"Yeah…I know you love it." That just made him sigh heavily, the other two smirking over at us, I leaned forward a title, so I could whisper into his ear, feeling shivers going through his body when my breath hit his skin unexpectedly. "And I know you love me."

"When's the wedding?" This time it was my own fault that Louis winked at me, I just rolled my eyes, allowing Niall to at least hold his controller properly.

"There won't be a wedding, I'm mad at you, Liam. And you don't know who or what I love." On one hand it was so cute, how he just remained leaned against me when Harry finally started the game, not fighting against me keeping him caged anymore, not that that would've helped, I actually liked sitting like this.

"That's not very nice." I stated, watching the screen for a few moments, Niall and Harry both got really into this game, it was like, car races and stuff, I didn't see the point in it but they were obsessed, so.

"Sh, I'm winning." The angry voice had quickly changed to sound more absent, he was focused on playing now, just like Harry from what I could tell when checking, I met Louis eyes and he just smiled, leaning back into Harry.

"You're ditching me for a car race, is that what it is, Nialler?" My arms were still around him, he was half lying in my lap, luckily not on my bruise even though it felt kinda numb, but he didn't need to know how much it hurt sometimes.

"No, I…I…" He hardly payed any attention to me, which was quite funny because if it were the other way around he'd probably get really creative in ways of getting it back. "Shit!"

"Ha, I told you, you couldn't win this. Who's going next?" Harry grinned triumphantly, leaning over to kiss Louis while Niall rolled his eyes.

"I let you win. Because you always act like a baby when you lose." This made me laugh slightly, Niall handed the controller over to Louis before lying down a little more, with his head in the crook of my arm, turning towards me. The fact that he had called Harry a baby seemed pretty ridiculous now to be honest.

"Or maybe I'm just too good for all of you." I was really thankful that Harry didn't make a comment on how Niall cuddled into me now, obviously pissed off because he hadn't won.

"Whatever." As I looked down when Harry and Louis were distracted, Niall didn't mind me brushing some hair out of his forehead, he actually seemed to enjoy my soft touches. 

"Still mad at me?" The question seemed kinda unnecessary now, I felt a smile tugging on my lips as Niall let out a sigh, looking down to where he was holding onto the arm that he wasn't lying on.

"No… I wasn't mad." Of course I knew, so I leaned down, happy that this time the kiss on his forehead seemed to be appreciated.

"So, I see you do like cuddling with me." One of his hands left my arm, his face seemed concentrated as he placed it on my shirt over where my bruise was, gently as ever, nearly making my breath hitch in fear it might hurt but he was being all soft. 

"Yeah… a lot actually. Sorry." I rubbed his cheek with my thumb a little, but he turned his head away, pressing his lips onto my arm instead unexpectedly, not leaning back as he mumbled. "And I do love you."

"Aw, I love you too, Ni." He curled up even more, not really moving his lips away from my arm, but it was fine, I held him tighter in return as well, playing with his hair or rubbing his arm, hoping that it'd calm him down in case he was still upset because of losing, it seemed like it to be honest, and Harry and Louis yelling through the flat next to us probably didn't help to forget it.

"Liam?" Actually I was just watching him instead of the TV or anything else, he looked really cute, lying in my lap like this, playing with my shirt a little. "Am I too heavy to sit in your lap?"

For a second, I hesitated, but because it had taken me so off guard, he hadn't sat in my lap in forever, not that I would have pushed him away, it was just normal, because he was getting older and such, at least that's what I had thought, in reality I felt my voice getting soft as I answered. "No, of course not."

It probably wasn't a good idea, while having Louis and Harry here I mean, they were distracted for now, but I knew I'd get at least one funny look from each of them, which didn't mean I'd make Niall sad by telling him no, he'd think it was against him personally, he was too sensitive to even take a risk and say something that he might take the wrong way.

So I helped him sitting up, actually expecting him to be heavier than he actually was, which was a plus because I don't think that I'd have the heart to tell him to get off for a while, he could've just stayed there for hours without it getting uncomfortable. The thing was, when he had been younger, he had done this a lot, but when he put his head on my shoulder now and I leaned my chin against it so he was tugged into the crook of my neck, we just fit, like we always had, I didn't even have to think about where to put my arms or if I should shift to get more comfortable, it came all natural. And I liked it, because Niall was warm and snuggly and I had been worried about him earlier, I liked having him so close, to make sure he was alright. Even if I had no idea what this was about suddenly, all the cuddling and the kisses, I wondered if it had something to do with Amy, and with what had happened, it seemed he was seeking comfort in my arms like he always had, which made me really happy, I kinda missed the Niall that would come to me for everything and just let me fix things again sometimes, he was still like that, just more independent. Which made sense, I mean, he was growing up, he didn't need me so much anymore. My main problem.

"Niall, didn't you just call me a baby ten minutes before?" Harry and Louis seemed as surprised as I had been by Niall's last question, it was probably because Niall always claimed he was all grown up already but here he was in my lap snuggling into me.

"So?" Niall didn't even flinch, he was sitting with his back to them, talking rather quietly.

"Don't you think it's a little weird to accuse me of that when you're the one in Liam's lap?" He laughed, more confused than trying to be really mean, besides, no one was ever mean to Niall on purpose.

"But that's different…" I looked over, Louis had a big grin on his face and his handy camera on while Harry tried to probably understand the way Niall's brain worked but failed miserably.

"How?" Hopefully Niall wouldn't take this to heart, because I wasn't ready to let him go yet. 

"I'm not a baby… I'm just tired and Liam is warm…and he smells good." The last part came out so quiet I think I had been the only one to even hear it, and feel it too, because he nuzzled his nose into my bare neck. 

"Well, you two are cute, so, does that mean I can play with Harry?" Me and Louis shared a look, I felt so uncomfortable, it seemed as if he was not even thinking of playing with Harry, but something completely different, I looked away quickly, not wanting to even spend one single second about what was going on in his mind right now, because I knew. And I really wished I didn't.

"Yah…" Actually it was only just a sigh that he let out against my shirt, I had no idea if he was as tired as he claimed to be, but I liked having him in my arms and resting my cheek against his head, it was warm and comfortable, familiar, and suddenly I realized that I missed this.

 

———

 

Niall slept in after a while, guess he had been tired after all, I talked to Louis and Harry, keeping Niall in my lap but trying not wake him up, he needed his sleep, like a child. 

So when they left, I realized I had to pee really badly, even if I loved having Niall this close, I had to move him off of me, gently, even taking his jeans off for him so that he'd be more comfortable before finding a blanket to cover his skinny figure up.

He mumbled something in his dreams, it made me feel bad to just leave him, but I had no choice, so I pressed my lips to his forehead briefly, quietly wishing that things could stay like this now.

They did, at least for that night, after I had cooked Niall dinner, waking him up even if he didn't want to, he went to sleep again almost right after that, making me realize that he probably had been up worrying all night long last week, that's why I made sure he was at least properly tugged him before leaving him on the couch.

Which was not where he stayed, I woke up the next morning, in my bed and with Niall breathing hotly into my neck, arm draped around my back as I was lying on my stomach. I found it too funny and adorable as to think about how he hadn't sneaked into my bed for over a year.

Sunday was fun, at least for me, I helped Niall to finish his homework which made him groan and complain and pretend to bang his head on the table however I took him out to eat later before bringing him back home, so he forgave me about having to do stuff for school.

He also kissed my cheek at the front door, having to stretch a lot for that and hugging me really affectionately, making his mum watch for a few seconds, I tried to ignore the look on her face, smiling at Niall instead as he pouted about how every time he spent the weekend we never saw each other for at least four days afterwards. I didn't think that that was the truth however I promised it wouldn't be like that this time.

It just happened in a different way than I expected.

"Have you actually heard from that asshole that hit your car? You need to get it repaired, I won't get in there anymore, it looks like a garbage can." I decided to swallow before answering even though spitting water into Harry's face for that comment seemed pretty appealing as well.

"Well, you could've also walked home. Or waited two hours for Louis. Your decision." Since Harry didn't have a car, you would think he'd be thankful that I had gotten him home because Louis forgot he had to extra hours to stay today and I had just been about to head out when Harry had called me up.

Their place looked worse than mine, but it was bigger so it wasn't that noticeable, which was really unfair. "I was just saying. He ruined your car and your rib, you should at least get some refund."

"I will, he pleaded guilty but it takes a while until this is all figured out, it only happened a week ago." And I was slowly starting to stop feeling as if someone had shot an arrow into my side after waking up, or maybe it was because I hadn't had Niall kicking me in my sleep for two nights now.

"Why are you so nervous?" Only now that Harry pointed it out, I realized that my leg was moving up and down constantly, but I just shrugged, focusing on my glass instead, I couldn't tell Harry.

"I don't know. It's a habit I guess, sorry." It wasn't a habit, not at all, the reason for me being so absent and nervous was because Niall would talk to Amy today after school, I was really worried about him, I prayed for everything to go well but I felt sick in the pit of my stomach, somehow thinking it would all go downhill.

"Maybe you took it up from Niall, he does it all the freaking time, I swear, he also bites his nails constantly, this kid can never be still." Lucky me that Harry couldn't see my face fall at this, he got up from the couch, leaving me to my own business as he disappeared in the kitchen.

He was right, Niall had always been biting his nails, I had just thought I had been the only one to notice, that I was just being paranoid, but no. I didn't like it, but no matter how many times I tried to make him stop or to get him to tell me if anything was up, he always shrugged it off. Too bad for him that I knew him too well.

Right now, there were other things I was more worried about though, they involved him as well, I hadn't gotten an answer for two hours now, which seemed appropriate since he was with a girl, but still, that seemed to be a long talk.

Sitting in Harry's and Louis' flat probably wouldn't help me though, I got up, not knowing where I wanted to head to exactly but everything was better than just sitting around, I had too much to overthink lately, I needed some distraction.

"Hey, Haz, tell Louis I said hi, I'm gonna go, I got this assignment to write." Technically, this was the truth, I just didn't plan on doing it right now or even tonight.

"Oh… well, good luck, I guess. Thanks for taking me home." I knew why he sounded disappointed, he didn't like being alone, neither did Louis, they were always attached by the hip, since freaking forever.

"If you stop calling my car a garbage can I might do it again." All I heard was a laugh from the kitchen as I already had my shoes on, pulling the front door closed behind me and taking a breath.

It was fine, Niall would be fine too, he and Amy would talk this out and they'd be together, Niall would be happy and I could stop worrying about the looks Louis constantly gave me or the highly inappropriate comments.

My hopes where crushed while I had my hand on the door handle of my damaged car, taking my phone out of my back pocket so I wouldn't sit on it and realizing that I was a bloody idiot for turning it silent. Three missed calls from Niall, no messages, so I didn't even know whether it was good or bad. Not like I didn't already know.

I got into my car, calling him back immediately, tapping the wheel impatiently, because now I was REALLY nervous as he didn't pick up immediately.

"What happened?!" There was no time for him to do or say anything other than pick up because I was definitely about to lose my mind here.

"Can you… pick me up? Please…?" He didn't say anything else, his voice was too shaky, I just had heard him talking while being in tears for far too often, I knew what it sounded like. Shit.

"Of course I will, where are you, babe? Did anything happen?" It took all I had not to scream, I just started the car, if someone caught me on my phone while driving I would gladly pay for it if it meant I could be with Niall sooner.

"T-The mall…" Niall ignored my second question very obviously, trying to sniff quietly at the end of the sentence but I heard him anyway, my heart about to break.

"I'm already on my way, alright? Are you okay?" Lucky me the mall was only like five minutes from here, I nearly drove a red light as well from being so worked up, my hands were slightly shaking when Niall hesitated.

"I… you shouldn't drive while being on the phone…" That was all, again, ignoring my question, even though, silence was probably an answer as well. Why would I even ask if he was fucking okay, he clearly was anything besides that.

"It doesn't matter now, I'm almost there, don't move an inch, it's gonna be fine, trust me." The problem was, I had always said that before as well, when I had encouraged him to go to her house, telling him that I knew it would work and now I was promising thinks AGAIN, how could he even believe a word that I was saying, I was a fucking idiot.

"I do trust you…" Another sniff. "I'll hang up now, don't want you to get into another accident…" 

"I won't, Ni, besides, I'm like one street away, you're where I always pick you up, right?" If he hung up then that would make me even more nervous, I don't know what exactly it was that made me think that anything could happen for the two seconds we wouldn't be speaking to each other, all I knew was that it was more likely for me to crash the car that way than any other.

"Yeah… thanks for getting me, Li…" His voice was scaring the shit out of me, I could've started crying there right with him.

"No, you don't have to thank me, you're important and I'd leave everything behind just to pick you up." Luckily, I reached the mall, Niall never waited by the parking lot, so I looked for a spot by the sidewalk, only finding one on the wrong side of the street. "Listen, babe, I'm here, but you have to cross the street, okay? Be careful." 

"Yeah… okay, I see your car." As soon as he had said that, he hung up on me, luckily I could see him approaching me slowly, or else I would've freaked out.

He didn't look good, even from further away, I thought about getting out of my car to crush him in a hug, but he had been so concerned about not telling me that something had in fact happened, I just remained seated, watching his face closely before he slipped into the passenger seat, hugging his backpack to his chest. There were tear tracks on his face, but he didn't say anything, he didn't even look at me.

I could've thought of a million things to say and get him to tell me what had happened, instead I unbuckled my seatbelt, leaning over to wrap my arms around his shoulders so he fell into me, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. "I love you, you know."

"I know… I love you too." It was uncomfortable to lean over like that, but Niall nuzzled his face in my neck for a bit so I decided I'd survive it. "Thanks again for coming here."

"Of course I came, I'm always gonna come and get you. Now… should I take you home or do you wanna come to my place and…" Talk. But he probably didn't even want to so I didn't say it, even if I knew that sooner or later it would all just bubble out of him.

"Your place… if that's okay…" I wouldn't have survived bringing him home now anyways, he shouldn't be all by himself now, it wouldn't do either of us any good.

"Of course." As I pulled away slowly, Niall still avoided meeting my eyes, but I saw him biting his bottom lip, telling me that something was definitely up, I had a feeling it was bad.

During the drive we stayed silent, I reached over to place my hand on Niall's knee, but he laced our fingers together instead, keeping them in his lap. This was breaking my heart, he held onto me so tightly as if I was the only thing that kept him from bursting out into tears right then and there. He wiped over his eyes a few times with his free hand, sniffing sometimes, but he kept it together, at least until I opened up my front door.

"You know what, we…" I stopped talking because Niall didn't even react as he entered my flat, he was hiding his face from me too and it took me less than one second to grab his arm and gently turn him to face him. "Niall…"

"S-Sorry…" He tried to wipe at his eyes, stop the tears but it didn't help, one look was enough for me to just press him against my chest where he wetted my shit now instead of his hands.

"Shh, it's okay. Tell me, baby, tell me what happened. Please, I can't stand to see you like this, it's killing me." Instead of an answer, he just wrapped his arms around me so tightly it hurt a little, but I didn't even flinch, he needed me now, I wouldn't push him back, especially not if he was full on sobbing into my neck. "Hey, let's sit down, okay? It's okay, Ni, I love you, it'll be fine, I promise."

"B-But I-I…" I couldn't even understand one word that he tried to choke out, it was really heartbreaking, but also making me fucking angry, whatever this girl had done to him, I wished her all the worst, if it had been some guy, I wouldn't have even spent a minute to listen to and explanation and gone to confront him, I felt responsible for Niall, in a big brother way, I was filling the spot that Zayn had left.

Since Niall refused to even move one inch, I simply lifted him up, carrying him bridal style to the couch where he ended up in my lap automatically as I sat down, craddling him closer to my chest.

"Ni, shsh, I'm gonna help you, if you tell me what happened. Please stop crying, babe, I know it hurts, but I'm here, okay? I'm alway gonna be here and I'll try my best to fix whatever is wrong, I love you to death, sweetie." My eyes got wet as he continued sobbing and shaking, holding onto my arms as I continued to hold him so tightly, I was hoping I wasn't gonna crush him. "Please, Ni."

For a second, I thought he'd just ignore me, I leaned my cheek against his head as he took a shaky breath in an attempt to calm down at least for a little bit. "W-We t-talked a-a-and s-she s-said-d t-that…" 

"What did she say, babe?" I moved one arm to rub his back soothingly, running my fingers through his hair as he had to stop talking because new tears kept coming.

"I-I… w-was j-just a-a q-quick f-fuck…a-and I-I w-was e-even t-t-too b-ad f-for t-that…" My mind went blank after that while Niall cried even harder, I was absently caressing his back now, he was nearly tearing off my other arm, creating a big wet spot on the front of my shirt while shaking and hiccuping.

"What a fucking bitch…" It just slipped out, I was actually glad that I kept myself together apart from that, who the fuck would do this to Niall, he was the sweetest person on this whole planet.

"I-I'm s-so d-dumb…w-why d-did I-I d-do t-this?!" His loud voice nearly made me jump, he sat up a little now, letting me see his face and furiously wiping his cheeks. "S-She t-told e-everyo-one!" 

"Ni, calm down, ssh. Who cares what she says, she doesn't even know you, your friends do and no one else should even matter. I know it hurts, babe, I know, none of this is your fault and you're not stupid at all." I helped drying his face, the tears seemed to come from anger now, but his face was so messed up it was like a punch in my stomach, this was number one on the list of things I couldn't bare to see.

"W-what do I d-do n-now?" He looked straight into my eyes while saying this, hiccuping again, leaning into my palm still against his cheek. 

"The best thing you can do is trying to remember that this has nothing to do with you, you couldn't have known what she was out for and if she runs around telling everyone shit about you then she's making herself look bad and not you, because you did nothing wrong, okay? How would she even know if you were bad or not, she's probably just saying that anyway. Ni, you're gonna find someone else who's way better for you, someone you can tell when you want to wait because you're not ready. You're only fifteen, baby, and I know it hurts and what I'm saying probably doesn't help, but you have so much time, there's gonna be other people and meanwhile you got your friends and so many people who love you. And I'm always gonna be here for you, I promise." At least his tears had stopped after my speech, I tried to smile sadly at him, rubbing my thumb over his cheek softly before pulling him close a little to press my lips against his forehead. 

For a bit, there was no sound besides Niall having a hiccup once a while, he was such a poor baby and I couldn't help myself but to give him kisses on the cheek all the time as he stared into his lap, lacing both our hands together while I still had my arms around him. "I just… I thought it could work and… everyone's got at least one girlfriend before…something must be wrong with me."

"Niall, remember, I had my first girlfriend when I was eighteen, I didn't even have friends before you, Louis and Harry. Just because one girl can't see how amazing you are, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you." She wasn't the first girl he had liked, but the first girl to start something with him just to tell him that it had been kind of a joke, if I felt like dying, how must Niall be feeling then?

There was a deep sigh, he nuzzled his head in my shoulder, making me tighten my arms by pulling on my hands. "Li… what if nobody ever loves me?"

"What are you talking about, Nialler? A lot of people love you, babe, it's not all about having a girlfriend, you know." This was why I had wanted this to work out so badly, because he always blamed himself for everything, he took it so personally because he was so sensitive and vulnerable, I just wanted to keep him wrapped in my arms like this and protect him from the world.

"But… what if I end up alone? What if I'll never get married or have someone love me like Louis and Harry love each other?!" They really weren't a good topic to talk about now because they really were so incredibly happy I had no idea if they had ever even had a fight.

"Look… I… I'm sorry that I can't say anything to make you feel better, Ni. I… I'm not experienced with relationships at all and look, I can't promise you that you'll find someone like Louis and Harry have but you're always gonna have me and your friends and one day you'll find a girl that-"

"I'm done with girls." Niall suddenly threw in, interrupting me, I had literally no idea what that was supposed to mean, but I also didn't wanna jump to assumptions.

"You're saying this now, Ni, because you're mad and you've been hurt, but even if you don't believe me now, it'll get better in a while."It was hard to find the right words, the only thing I could repeat over and over again was that I'd be there if he needed me, that he wouldn't be sad about this forever.

"I mean it. Maybe I don't want a girlfriend. I hate this. I hate that I ever stressed out about her. I hate that I kissed her and that I even went over to her house. I fucking hate that I slept with her. I didn't even like it. None of this. I'm not sure if I even liked her…" His voice got quiet in the end, I shut up, still having my cheek leaned against the side of his head and my arms around his stomach, but I must admit, I was a little confused.

"What do you mean? I thought… " Where was this coming from, I had thought this had all about him liking her that much, hadn't it?

"I… I just… I gotta… tell you something…" Before I could react, Niall let go of my hands, he climbed off of my lap completely actually, sitting on his knees next to me while I thought that I was pretty sure I didn't want to hear it, I was so shocked, I barely even knew how to speak.

"What… what is it?" Niall didn't look at me, he seemed really nervous about this, biting his bottom lip too hard, I wanted to reach out for him because I kinda missed his weight and warmth on me but I felt as if I was frozen. What was he gonna tell me, what was there to say?!

"I… you know… I thought that if…I didn't… I don't want everyone to… see me as the baby all the time, because I… and you know… I thought if I dated her then… Liam, I… I love you so much and…" Maybe I should've gotten it by now, but my mouth was just kinda open and Niall was torturing his nails now as well, looking anywhere but at me, moving around all the time.

"I-I love you too, you know that, Ni, and-"

"No. No you don't understand, Liam!" Wow, now that breakout was coming out of nowhere. "You don't understand what I'm trying to say and I don't know how to put it because it's really hard and … when… when I was younger I always saw you as my big brother but then… god damn it, shit, I-I can't, I really-"

"Tell me." I grabbed his arm, keeping him from storming out, because that's what he was about to do, I knew it, but I was determined to hear this now, I felt like throwing up from what he had said already, and deep down I knew it, but I didn't want to believe that that was what he was gonna say.

Niall stared at me for a few seconds, breathing hard because he was so worked up over this, but he was still looking straight at me, not even telling me to loosen my grip. "I got this massive crush on you since two years."

And as if that wasn't enough to cause my whole world to shatter, he just flung himself at me while I was still hoping that I was having hallucinations, holding me close with his hands around my shirt and landing with his lips right on top of mine.

It was weird, besides the fact that it only lasted 0.5 seconds because I acted out of instinct even if I still hadn't gotten the whole situation into my head, I grabbed both his wrists, pressing them against his chest and pushing back to hold him at a distance. He didn't look guilty. Not even blushed or as if he regretted this, he just waited for me to say something.

Hell, there was A LOT I wanted to say right now, I also wanted to get into my car and drive off a cliff, or no, that would take too much time, I would've liked to do a backflip off the roof top and onto the street with my head first. Louis had been right. Even worse, I had known. I had known the whole fucking time.

"No." That was all I could think of because no, this couldn't be happening right now. Actually, it HAD already happened, fuck. "You can't… you can't do this. Niall, I'm… we… it's wrong and… you're my little brother, I'm… this can't ever happen again, did you hear me? Not ever, I'm… I'm sorry, if I'm hurting you now, but I gotta tell you and trust me I don't want to but whatever feelings you have towards me, I can't… I don't feel the same and… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Do you hate me?" I was still holding his wrists, he wasn't trying to get away, he was just looking down now, his voice almost inaudible.

"No, I don't. I could never hate you. We have to… figure this out, okay? We gotta talk about it, you-"

"I don't want to. Let me go." Great, this was just great.

There were tears in his eyes again, he started pulling, so I let him go, too shocked about everything that I didn't think of holding on. What was I supposed to do now, he was fifteen for god's sake, he shouldn't be crushing on ME, especially not since two years already, this was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Niall definitely did not want to talk about it, he jumped up, backing away from me while his tears spilled over, this time, he didn't bother wiping them. "Niall, please, talk to me, I-"

"Why?! What do you want to talk about, Liam? I know you will never like me, and you will find another girlfriend and I'm gonna be stuck alone because I won't get over you! So what is the point in talking? You can't tell me anything that I don't already now, okay? I know that I'm fifteen and you're twenty and I'm just your little brother and this is never gonna work, alright? Maybe I'm a child to you, but I'm not fucking dumb!" The worst part was that he was right, there was nothing to say, literally not a word, except for that I was so sorry I wanted to shoot myself. But I had already said that.

"I… look, it's… it's all coming out of nowhere, I… give me a second, you can't blame me for this I… I had no idea, I mean… somehow I did for a while, but-"

"You KNEW?!" His eyes nearly fell out, he backed away even more as I stood up as well, unsure of what to do because I just wanted to hug him, I wanted to forget all this and carry on like before, I didn't want to be the one to break his heart, I was so fucking bad at this.

"Well… not exactly. But that's not the point, Nialler, the point is that I do know it now. Look, ummm… you will get over it, it's just…" A crush that had lasted two fucking years and he had been sleeping with a girl just to show me that he wasn't a baby anymore. How fucked up could this even get?

Niall gave me the answer, he was still crying, not so angry looking anymore, now I just hated myself for doing this, but what else should I have done? He needed to know the truth, he shouldn't be making himself false hopes, I wouldn't be able to see him as anything else as my brother. Besides, he was FIFTEEN. "No, I won't… you're amazing, Li. And you're always there for me, and you never get mad or yell at me and nothing is embarrassing with you, like, I can tell you anything and know you wouldn't judge me. It would've been hard…not falling for you. I don't know what I've been thinking… I was just… desperate and I thought maybe if you see that I'm not just a kid then you would… change your mind or something. But I'm not good at not wanting to hold your hand or sit on your lap, because it feels good when you're keeping me safe and about your girlfriends… I was jealous. And I thought… maybe it'd work the other way around as well…"

"Ni…" No. I couldn't keep on talking, I couldn't say another word that would hurt him even more, I had been more oblivious than I had thought would be possible, I had absolutely no idea how to deal with this. All I knew was that he'd be slipping out of my fingers if I didn't find a solution, and I wouldn't be able to bear that. 

"I should go home. I'll call myself a taxi, okay?" WHAT.

"No… no, why would you leave now, Niall… we… we can talk about this, you're still my best friend." My words didn't leave an impression on him, I was absolutely startled by all of this, I couldn't even go and stop him or move in any way as he wiped his eyes quickly, already taking out his phone.

"I-I don't think I can talk now, I just… I wanna be alone. Sorry for… the kiss, I know I'm shit at it, Amy told me that, too." While I was standing in front of the couch, Niall just shrugged, walking around the corner out of my sight and soon pulling the front door closed behind him, leaving me in absolute silence and shaking.

I shouldn't have let him leave, god knows what he might do, I also should've told him that I had never even said that he was a shit kisser because we had barely even touched, but instead I just sit down, not even on my couch but in front of it, staring at the wall in front of me.

Why did it all have to go down like this, after all these years, why had Niall decided to tell me, why had I even let it get this far, I shouldn't have let him sleep in my bed or treat him like I did, it was giving him hope for a chance that I could never give him. It's not like I didn't know why though, because I was too desperate to keep him a little boy, I liked us being this close, like, it was familiar, I was used to it, I should've known that it could be misinterpreted. Not like Louis hadn't dropped enough hints. Not like any had come out of the blue, it had just been so… unexpected. And the kiss as well, I felt guilty now, for not stopping him earlier, but I hadn't even realized what he was planning to do.

This was all my fault if anyone's, I needed to be the one to make sure we could work this out, I couldn't lose him, not like this, I'd give him some time but he'd have to come around. He just had to.

I lasted for about two minutes before I took out my phone, I felt like suffocating in here, there were tears burning in my eyes, so I pressed them shut, praying that Louis would pick the hell up.

He did. "Liam, I have a lecture, what's-"

"Niall kissed me, Lou. He kissed me. On the lips. And he said that he has had a crush on me since two years. And now he just left, he didn't even talk about it. He's gone." Actually, I think that expecting Louis to freak out sounded about right, but he didn't, he just sighed.

"I told him not to do it, this kid can never listen, can he?" There was some sound in the background, like, closing a door, not like I cared about fucking doors, I was gonna have to kill Louis.

"You knew it? He fucking told you?! And you never ever said a word to me besides your cryptic bloody jokes?!" To say I was freaking pissed off would've been an understatement. 

"Alright, listen now, I'm not supposed to tell you this, he made me promise, but seeing as things have changed quite a little now, you should probably know. I've known for half a year." Betrayal, that was the word I was looking for.

"Fuck y-"

"Stop. Look, Niall came to me and Harry because he was crying, in the middle of the night after you and Danielle went out for a date. He didn't wanna tell us what was up but eventually he just blurted out with everything like he always does. We told him that it was unlikely that you would like him back because of the age difference and all that, but he said he could wait." Well, obviously not. "I told him he'd have to at least wait until he's eighteen and he didn't mind so we tried to cheer him up and tell him that it was gonna be fine, like, it were only four years or so."

"You encouraged him?! Are you stupid? What makes you think that I'd ever return his feelings, Lou, he's a child, and he's gonna stay a child for me no matter how old he is." Harsh words, I was just glad that Niall wasn't here to hear them.

"I didn't think you would, Li, I just thought that it was impossible for him to keep crushing on you until he turns eighteen. Besides, I felt so sorry for him, I couldn't have said anything to hurt him." Louis sighed again, I understood him, I had that same problem.

"I don't know what to do. I think he's mad at me, he probably wouldn't even pick up. Besides, what would I even tell him? He slept with a girl, because he wanted me to think that he is mature now, can you fucking believe that? He thought it'd make me as jealous as he was when I've been with Dani." Saying it out loud made everything worse, I leaned my head back, staring at the ceiling and wishing it would just come crashing down on me.

"Jesus…that's pretty fucked up. But I know how much you love each other, I see it all the time and even if he has a crush on you, you two are still best friends, you need each other. Give him some time, Li, he has to realize that you two wouldn't work out as a couple, he's gonna be fine again soon, he's only fifteen, stuff like that confuses him." That wasn't helping at all. All that could've calmed me down now would have been Niall bursting inside my flat and telling me he had been joking.

"But… how are we supposed to carry on? I'm so used to being this close with him, I thought he knew it was only on a friendship level, or a brotherly, I don't wanna keep hurting him with stuff like that." Not like I'd be able to change it, I could try but even before finishing talking I knew that I'd fall back into old habits. If Niall would ever forgive me that is.

"Liam, he's gonna grow out of this cuddling and kissing phase and you'll have to accept it, because he's not eleven anymore, okay? It'll make him false hopes if anything, besides, you're gonna feel even worse when it stops one day, better start now." I didn't wanna answer to this, I didn't even wanna think about it, Niall was my baby and he always would be.

"Well… at least now I know why you gave him fucking condoms." Did it really matter now that I had promised not to talk to Louis about that?

"He started asking me and Harry about sex, I wanted to make sure he's not gonna run off and try it and get some disease or something." The fact that Louis laughed seemed disturbing to me, how could anyone laugh, my world was on fire right in front of my eyes.

"Don't talk about him like that, he wouldn't-"

"Calm down, I was just trying to be on the safe side, okay? But you know what I'm wondering… is he gay? Because you said he slept with a girl but he has a crush on you and…" Who the fuck cared, seriously.

"I have no idea, I probably also won't ask him, so please do me a favor and don't do it either. Tell him none of this, please, I promised not to talk with you about the condom story and he probably wouldn't appreciate us talking about him at all." He'd probably slap me right across the face, I felt bad already, I shouldn't have asked Louis for help, I was betraying Niall.

"I won't say a word. Listen, can I call you back later? I'm sorry, it's just, the lecture is important, it's gonna be over soon." Even though I didn't want him to, not at all, I still agreed, it would be selfish to keep him on the phone.

For a while, after we had hung up, I sat on the floor, maybe it even was half an hour or more, not sure if I even thought about anything at all, no idea, all I knew was that at some point, my phone lit up next to me, thinking it was Louis, I took it.

My heart made a jump to see that it was Niall, but then I opened the message, my breathing stopping for what felt like minutes.

 

_Nialler 6:56 pm_

_came back to get my bag, I heard everything you told louis. don't bother calling or texting me ever again._

_fuck you_

 

————— 

 

A week passed by after that… incident, there was no word from Niall, he completely cut me out of his life, well, not only me, but Louis as well, the only way we knew that he was still alive was because Harry was now the only one he didn't despise, because Harry hadn't been the one I had called that night, he hadn't betrayed Niall's trust like me and Louis. It's not that I didn't try making up for it, or even get him to say a word, because I actually tried really hard. 

I called him every day, like, ten times or so, I also texted him constantly, I even showed up at his house one time, his mum let me in but Niall wouldn't open the door to his room. That had been yesterday actually, also the day I had learned that he hadn't been to school at all this week, he hardly even went downstairs or outside. All of this was entirely my fault, no one else's, and I felt like absolute shit, I also deserved that he ignored me because I had acted like a douchebag and broke his heart all over again after Amy had already been jumping around on it.

As I scrolled through the messages I had sent him just today, I felt the urge to send him a hundred more, which probably wouldn't have helped because I think he had blocked my number. Otherwise he'd lose his mind over the amount.

 

_To Nialler 3:59 am_

_Ni, I know it's really late but I can't sleep because I miss you so much and I'm so sorry, please, let me just explain, I really need you back, i love you x_

_To Nialler 8:45 am_

_Niall, please, I'm begging you, just one talk? xxxx_

_To Nialler 1:08 pm_

_Look, i know its been a week and i also know that you hate me but i wont stop texting you or calling you until you're willing to talk to me. i won't just give up on you, i know how much i have disappointed you, just know that im sorry and i hope you're alright, because i love you more than you can imagine. x_

_To Nialler 4:59 pm_

_i miss you :(_

_To Nialler 8:30 pm_

_that one movie you love just came on in case you wanna watch it. i wish you were here so we could watch it together i love how much it makes you laugh x_

 

I was pathetic.

The last text had been sent like fifteen minutes ago, I nearly jumped when I heard Harry's voice so close. "You can't keep this up, man. Drive over and fucking force him to come out of his room or I will do it."

"You should know that he doesn't want to, you're the one he constantly texts, so leave me alone. And get out of my bed." He and Louis had come over after I had cancelled to go out with them four times in a row, now they were both in my bed, Harry obviously found great pleasure in invading my privacy, making me turn the back of my phone towards him.

"Don't be jealous, I told you, all we talk about is you. If he writes me one more time that you're the most perfect person he has ever met I will drag him over here and lock both of you into this room." Niall really said stuff like that about me? Still?

"At least he still likes you, Li, he never mentions me." Louis threw in, it was getting to him as well, but he did realize that Niall was not necessarily pissed at him, actually I think that Louis chose to not make up with Niall on purpose so I wouldn't feel even worse.

"Well, I wouldn't say he likes you, Liam, I'd say he has a freaking obsession with you. He called me last night, you know, and if you ever tell him this I will kill you." I don't think that I'd ever spill anyone's secret again, so I nodded absently, still scrolling through all the selfies me and Niall had ever taken. God, I hadn't known it was even possible to miss someone this much. "He said that he couldn't sleep and he didn't know whom to call because usually he just calls you and you would talk until he fell asleep. It was pretty exhausting."

"It's not exhausting… I liked when he called me, then at least I could be there for him, you know, even if he wasn't here." Louis and Harry exchanged a look after that, I saw it from the corner of my eyes but pretended not to notice anything, my eyes were burning again. I had been crying way too much lately, by myself of course, I didn't want anyone to see.

"You know… he's not doing good. I mean, it's not only that he's ditching school but he's kinda… sick. At least that's what he told me." This made me listen up because Harry had never mentioned Niall being sick, like for real.

"What do you mean? What's wrong with him?" I couldn't help but jump into protective mode, even if it wouldn't help, because Niall wouldn't let me check on him anyway. Also, I felt my jealousy bubble up again, because why did he tell Harry but not ME?

"He's like… throwing up and feverish, I-"

"Why didn't you tell me?! Don't you think I'm supposed to know?" My outbreak was completely uncalled for, Harry backed away a little closer to Louis who immediately wrapped his arms around him. This made me kinda sad, I missed being able to cuddle Niall whenever I wanted to, he wasn't the only one who felt safe when we were so close, it made me calm down as well. 

"Well, it's not like you could've done anything…" Immediately after it was out, Harry clearly regretted it, maybe it was because I lowered my eyes, pretending that it hadn't hurt. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I just… didn't want to upset you even more but I've been thinking about it and it seems to be a bit too much of a coincidence. You gotta go see him, he's really miserable."

"We all know that he's been avoiding me at all cost, I think he even blocked my number." Or did he really manage to ignore single one of my messages and calls? Thinking that maybe that was the case was making me feel even worse like, if things would be the other way around I would've been able to ignore him for maybe an hour, not one second longer.

My words seemed to make Harry feel uncomfortable, he tried to avoid my eyes, but gave up with a sigh in the end. "No, he hasn't, trust me."

"How would you know?" Maybe Niall was lying, because he knew Harry would tell me anyway.

"Because he reads all the messages, Li." Wow, just wow.

"Then I guess we don't need more confirmation on how he doesn't wanna make up." Since my tears were gonna spill over, I just jumped up, making sure to be extra loud as I walked over to the bathroom, so they could tell themselves I just had to pee when we all knew the first thing I did after locking the door was cry.

This had been going on ever since Niall had sent me the last text messages, with the fuck you at the end. Not gonna lie, this was not what had hurt the most, it was that he was so bloody good at ignoring me, as if he didn't even care, which wasn't true according to Harry but Niall must know that I'd ask Harry about him, maybe he was just lying, maybe he wasn't even home, he probably just didn't want me to show up at his school. Something I had done, but trying to talk underage children into talking to you or getting into your car is not a good idea in public.

No one came after me for a while, so I was free to cry however much I wanted, while biting into the back of my hand so no sound would escape me. I can't remember the last time being so completely done with everything in my life, it was rather scary like, me and Niall had never gotten into a serious fight, the longest we hadn't seen each other in four years had been thirteen days, but we had been texting during that time so it had been easier. Usually we made up after a day or even less, but it was so different this time, also the reason why we weren't speaking, I couldn't handle it, I was fucking panicked that he might never forgive me.

If it was so hard for me, I had no idea how it felt like for Niall, I mean, he had confessed that he was in love with me after all, even though he had probably just seen that I was a douche and changed his mind. It would've been good for him anyway, I wasn't worth crushing on, I had no idea why he even would, like, I was old and boring, I also gave terrible advices, nothing more.

Maybe I should've told him that, but no, instead I had let him run out of my flat, I hadn't even offered driving him home, I was a shitty best friend, I had ruined everything but still I was the one on my bathroom floor pitying myself.

"Liam? Are you okay?" The knock on the door nearly made my heart jump out, I had been so caught up in my thoughts, I had completely forgotten that Louis and Harry might be waiting for me to come out.

"Y-Yeah… I'm fine, I'll be out in a second." Forcing my voice to not sound like I was being a baby once again, I stood up slowly, not daring to look into the mirror before splashing some water in my face. Didn't help, it was still red, even after drying it, I couldn't go out like that, but I kinda had to.

The second I walked out, both of them immediately noticed, maybe I was a bit too obvious trying to cover my face with my hand. "Have you locked yourself in to cry?!"

"No." I decided to ignore them, sniff quietly while walking past them into my kitchen, which was a stupid idea because the lightning was the best there.

"Aww, Liam, come here." Before I even knew it, Harry had his arms wrapped around me, obviously signing Louis to join while I tried my best to escape, cuddles couldn't help me now.

"Look, I'm fine, I-"

"No, you're not, you miss Niall and he misses you too. He texted me while you were in the bathroom, he's worse than you are." He had finally let go of me, I made sure to sit down, so Louis wouldn't think of giving me a hug as well, he was unusually quiet, probably because he loved Niall as well.

"How bad is worse than me?" On the outside, I didn't consider myself bad at all, sure, I didn't wanna hang out with them but at least I hadn't bursted into tears yet.

"At least you get out of your bed for other reasons than throwing up." It sounded pretty straight forward, I just let my head drop in between my arm and the table, groaning, because fuck, he was getting physically sick from this, that's how much it got to him, that's how much I had messed up.

"Oh god, I would've never expected us to ever fight like this… I know I ruined everything, it's just… he won't even let me explain, he just shuts me out and I'm not even sure what I would tell him besides that I'm sorry and that I'm gonna kill myself soon if I lose him." Because what else was there, it had all started with that kiss, I still didn't return his feelings, I couldn't, it was wrong.

"I'll try and see if I can convince him to at least text you back, but he's so damn stubborn and he's blaming himself, too." Another reason why fighting with Niall was nerve wrecking, neither of us would take the first step, well, actually, I was trying to but I failed miserably, if I could at least see him, or speak to him for a minute, that'd be a big relief. 

After Louis and Harry left, I went straight back to bed, I didn't have to be anywhere for the rest of the week, the semester was nearly over, perfect timing now that I needed distraction. Not.

Once again, I read through some of my messages to Niall, trying to figure out what I had done wrong, maybe it wasn't enough what I was writing, maybe I should put more feelings into it, or tell him that I loved him more often, I literally had no idea, but before I knew it, I had a new message opened.

 

T _o Nialler 9:57 pm_

_goodnight baby angel, i hope you can sleep really good tonight. i know that im annoying you with my texts but im not gonna stop them and even if you don't reply to any of them im still gonna keep them up bc i kinda like to think that you're at least reading them. don't stay up too late okay? i love you lots & i miss you <3 xxx_

 

It was probably wrong, to tell him what he was supposed to do even now, it's just, I couldn't help it, I liked to pretend that it was a simple message, and that the only reason why he wasn't replying was because he was already tightly asleep. Which I knew couldn't be true due to the fact that he was sick but I wasn't allowed to say anything or Niall would get pissed at Harry as well and cut off the last connection I had to him.

Just before I decided that there was really no point in waiting up (again), to wait for a message that would never come, I nearly dropped my phone into my face as it vibrated once, I nearly just put it down anyway because I thought it were either Harry or Louis or even worse, my mum asking why hadn't called her in almost two weeks, but then my heart nearly stopped. 

It was _Niall_.

 

_Nialler 10:10 pm_

_i do read them._

 

There was no 'i love you too' or 'I miss you', nothing, but it was enough, seriously, just the fact that he had replied made me so happy, because I took it in a way as in he didn't want me to stop sending him messages either because he kinda enjoyed them and didn't find them annoying. My stupid smile stayed even after I had turned the lights off, falling asleep with my hand still around my phone.

 

———

 

I slept quite okay that night, woke up the usual three times for no reason at all, finding it hard to go back to sleep afterwards. Every time this happened, I sent messages to Niall, but I didn't this time, because I was kinda hoping that maybe he'd text me first instead. Which, obviously wouldn't happen.

Since I had really nothing interesting to do all day long, besides canceling a few people who asked me to go out or something, even my own mother, I decided to go on a mission, which was going through all of my stuff and collecting everything that had something to do with Niall.

Not because I wanted to burn it or some shit, I just wanted to distract myself and since I knew he was impossible to get off my mind, I could at least do that, it'd eventually keep me from crying, at least as long as it would take me to come to the personal gifts and photos.

Which was, pretty soon, unfortunately.

The problem was, when we had been younger, other people had loved to take pictures of us, our mum's especially, and now, Niall was the one forcing me into selfies for his instagram or whatever, I had no idea really, but he had made an album sometime, giving it to me without a reason, his explanation had been "Here, I thought maybe one day we wanna look at this and since I always lose my stuff maybe you should keep it", that had been all. 

It was so incredibly sweet, he had even written the dates under the pictures, in his neat handwriting, it brought my tears to my eyes looking at this after nearly forgetting it existed.

Really, there were so many things in my flat that reminded me of Niall, it was actually scary. My wristbands, most of all, I had three that I never took off and they all were from him, ever since he had made me one for Christmas he seemed to think it was a good thing to keep doing it, damn right, I loved them. Also the pictures on the wall next to my bed, I mean, Louis and Harry were there too, my family, but now that I counted, Niall was nearly in every single one. I also had some of his clothes mixed up with mine since I never cleaned out, CDs and DVDs that we kept passing on between each other, my freaking Laptop background as well as my phone's, not even talking about the gifts for all of my birthdays or when he had went on holiday with his mum and Zayn he always brought me stuff back as well, he even wrote postcards, I had kept all of them. Also, I found an apology letter from four years ago, when he had accidentally spilled his drink over my phone, it's not like I had been mad or anything, it worked just fine again two days later, but the letter was still the sweetest thing ever, he had seriously thought I wouldn't love him anymore, because of something stupid like this. As if I ever could be mad at him, as if I could ever like him less, not even if he… fucking kissed me.

I couldn't live without him, I couldn't go on another freaking day, I couldn't fucking take it anymore, so I dropped the letter on my bed, pulling my phone out as I walked back into the living room.

Niall wouldn't pick up, of course not, I hadn't tried today yet however the chances were about one to a million, so I decided to call somebody else who could lock me the house up as well. "Liam, love, everything alright?"

"I'm fine, I just wanted to call you and ask how Niall is doing?" No idea if Niall's mum knew about what had happened exactly, she knew that we somehow were in a fight, but I doubted Niall would tell her the whole story.

There was a sigh, it made me kinda nervous to be honest, he must really be sick. "Well… he still won't come out of his room, he's still hardly able to keep anything in that he eats, I guess I have to let him stay home for this week as well. Why aren't you asking him yourself though? Are you still fighting? I was wondering how he hasn't begged me yet to let you come over even though he might me contagious." Definitely not.

"Yeah I… we had some kinda… misunderstanding and… I gotta make it up, because I miss him and… I was wondering if you would mind if I come over." She would've also let me in in case I hadn't called, I just wanted to make sure she was there before Niall wouldn't even bother coming downstairs.

"You know what, that's actually a brilliant idea. I have to leave in half an hour and I don't feel good about leaving Niall alone, maybe you can manage to get him to come out of his room a little, I think he's missing you terribly." And I was missing him too, god damn it, I just wanted to RUN there.

"I'm gonna try my best, I promise." After looking at all those things, I was determined to make this work now, I could still break the lock in his door or something, why the hell hadn't I done this sooner?

"I know you will, Liam. He loves you so much, every time he doesn't get to see you for a few days he gets all nervous, it's hard not to notice, and I think he needs you now, even if something has happened and he's probably acting as stubborn as he always does. You'll work this out." Well, I agreed that Niall could be stubborn however it was his good right to be now because I had completely messed up, it was entirely my own fault, sure, he shouldn't have kissed me, but that was no excuse for me to go spill his secrets.

"I need him as well… and yeah, I hope we will. I'll see you in a bit, okay?" This conversation was doing nothing besides tearing me down, so I made sure to hang up as soon as Maura had said goodbye.

The thought of being alone in the house with Niall was kinda weird, because what if he wouldn't even say one word to me? What if he would just stay in his room? This was terrifying actually.

I contemplated whether to take something with me, but I had no idea what, all I managed to do was taking a shower, just putting on my sweatpants again, if everything went like my pessimistic inner voice told me then nobody would see me sitting around alone in Niall's living room. Or in front of his door.

For once, I wished we would live further apart, so I'd have more time to think about what to say once I was there, like, I had wasted a week and this entire day to come up with something yet I had run out of things, it was all in the text messages already, and those clearly hadn't been enough of an apology.

If I had known what Niall wanted, I would've given him or said literally anything he requested, it's just, he probably didn't want anything, he was deeply hurt, it happened so easily with him and this was worse than someone holding a grudge against you, this was seriously causing me to completely stop functioning. We needed each other, I don't think it could've gotten any clearer than right now.

When I got there, the thirty minutes his mum would still be there, were almost over, she actually was nearly out the door after letting me in, giving me a quick smile. 

"Sorry that you had to wait." I had just been trying not to kill myself.

"It's fine, love, listen, I will probably be back really late. You can stay over night of course, if you don't have anywhere to be. And please remind Niall that he has to take his medicine, okay?" Yeah, as if Niall would allow me to stay over night or even worse, listen to me telling him what to do.

"I will, now better go, I've kept you here long enough." My laugh nearly hurt, I felt my stomach twist and turn after I was being left alone, still with my shoes on and all.

Had she even told Niall that I was here? Maybe… maybe his door wasn't locked, maybe he was asleep and I could…walk in? Not creepy, no, not at all.

Even thought I kinda had something like a plan now, I still took way too long until I was actually walking upstairs, I felt so close and it was making my heart trying to jump out or something, my stomach hurt too, as if I had already gotten infected by Niall. Which would've provided that he really had gotten sick because of natural causes, but I knew that it was the fact that he couldn't handle fights well. Especially not if they were with me.

When I finally reached his room, the door was closed, probably locked as well, I kept a sigh in, using the tiny bit of bravery I had left to knock softly, not saying anything, maybe, if he thought I was his mum, he'd open up.

There was some kinda noise, I already got hopeful when his voice came from inside, too muffled for him to be about to open the door. "What?"

"Niall…" Not sure if he had heard that, but hearing his voice made me wanna cry, I leaned my forehead against the cold door, trying to keep myself together. "It's me, I… I don't know if your mum told you but… she'll be back later and… she said it'd be okay if I stay here meanwhile… I… can we please finally talk? Please open up, Ni, I'm begging you, I can't do this any longer, I know that I messed up, it's my fault, I know, you did nothing wrong. I was just so shocked by everything, I didn't know what to think or what to do and I panicked so I called Louis and it just blurted out. I know that whatever you heard, it hurt you, and I'm so sorry for that, for breaking your trust, for saying all this stuff. I'm a shit best friend, I understand if you don't forgive me but please, please believe me when I say I won't ever do anything like this again. You mean everything to me and I went through the album you gave me today and I fucking miss you so much. I love you, Ni, and I'm sorry it's not enough but I really do. Please, we can work this out, we can always work everything out. Open the door, please." 

He stayed silent for so long, I felt tears prickling down my face as I just slid to the floor, sitting down next to his door, just in case. Why was this so hard? Why didn't he even yell, why didn't he even tell me to get the fuck out? He just said nothing, he just didn't text back or pick up his phone, it was like I was talking to a ghost the entire time.

"Niall, baby, I'm begging you, I will do anything you want me to, please, you can't just throw this all away, you know how much I need you, I'm sorry about what happened, I'm sorry you had to watch me with my girlfriends, I'm sorry I couldn't kiss you back, I'm sorry I'm not feeling the same for you, I'm so sorry I'm doing this to you, I want nothing more than for you to be happy, you're my best friend, hell, you're the most important person in my life and you'll always have your place there no matter what happens. I will never ever tell a secret that you've trusted me with ever again, or talk about anyone about you like that. The only one I should've talked to was you, we should've tried to find a solution right there and it's my fault that we didn't, because I didn't stop you from leaving. I'm feeling so fucking guilty, you have no idea. I just need you back, please, give me another chance, I can make it up to you, just please, Ni, everything reminds me of you and I… I just can't go on like this for another day…" As I buried my face in my hands, I had to actually bite down hard on my bottom lip to prevent myself from sobbing, I was supposed to be the strong one, I never cried in front of him, I was the one to comfort, the grown up one, but it seemed I could hit rock bottom as well. 

Nobody said a word for the next good twenty minutes, I couldn't have, even if I had wanted to, my throat was tight, I was shaking while Niall was just staying quiet in his room, I heard his bed move sometimes, but nothing more . Had he even heard me? Did he even care about what I had to say? Or had he just given up on us already?! Those thoughts were fucking unbearable, I needed to come up with something better, I needed to just apologize over and over again, maybe at some point he'd get so sick of it, he'd just slam the door open and tell me to shut the fuck up. And then I'd pull him into a hug and never let go again. I missed hugging him, I hadn't thought it would be possible to miss someone in so many different ways, but I felt it now and it fucking felt like being cut open.

As I dried my tears, trying to breathe without feeling as if I'd suffocate every time, I suddenly heard a sound from inside, thinking that I had probably imagined it, I got up onto my feet, just to stop again as I heard it clearer this time. "Shit…"

Shit, what? He was not talking to me, I could tell, he was cursing, to himself. "Niall?"

Instead of an answer, he just got louder. "Shit, shit, fuck, oh god…"

"Niall, you open this door up right now, or-"

"Or what, Liam?! Are you gonna break it open, are you gonna… oh fuck, I…" YES, breaking his door sounded like a fucking good idea, I was nearly losing my mind, what the hell was going on there?!

"What happened?! Tell me, or I promise you, I WILL find a way to get rid of this freaking door, you have ten fucking seconds!" Ten seconds were too fucking long, like, I was panicking, trying the door handle furiously now, but it was locked.

"You… you can't come in I… I gotta… shit… Li… I… I really messed up… I didn't want to, I promise, I just… oh god, why is it so freaking much?!" WHAT?!

"NIALL, OPEN THIS DOOR OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE!" This was not even close to a joke or just a threat, I was actually taking my phone out, about to just hit emergency because god knows what had happened. "I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING, FIVE SECONDS, OR-"

Before I could finish, the door lock clicked, giving me a sight that nearly made me drop my phone and caused my jaw to drop.

First of all, I just noticed the bags under Niall's eyes, he was even paler than usual, he looked absolutely horrible. There was an expression on his face between absolute panic and also fright, probably because of my reaction. He was wearing one of my shirts, I just noticed it briefly, because it was so much bigger on him, but it wasn't white anymore, it had blood spots all over the front, fresh blood.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" I couldn't help but yell, I was nearly losing my mind here, Niall backed away, shocked, that's when I noticed him pressing tissues against his underarm, they were all leaking.

It was probably another asshole move, but the first thing I did was taking his hand away almost violently, to see what he was hiding under those tissues, because I just lost it okay, he was hurt and there was blood, I went into panic mode.

There was a cut on his underarm, no idea how deep, judging by the blood gushing out of it and dropping down the sides of his arm, deep, even if it wasn't that big, I thought I'd have to punch a wall to get it together again.

"Okay, wait here, press onto it, hard, I'll be right back, if you feel dizzy, sit down immediately!" I was half yelling this over my shoulder, already on my way to the bathroom, leaving a very confused and scared Niall behind.

What I really wanted to do was cry, yell, hug him, have a fucking answer as to why there was a bloody big ass cut on his arm, most of all, had he done this to himself? Had he been in there cutting himself since a week? Because of ME?!

Before those thoughts took over hand, I pushed them all away quickly for now, I wouldn't have him bleeding to death or passing out now, I grabbed the first towel I could find, hurrying back, already seeing him half dead on the floor because of me being so damn slow.

But he was still standing there, pale as a ghost as his eyes never left me, pressing onto the wound like I had told him.

I took his other arm, probably too tight, pulling him over to the night stand where he had a fucking mountain of used tissues. Trying not to think about it, I took an unopened package, removing Niall's hand from holding the tissues there, pressing the package on top instead right before starting to make a bandage with the towel around it, good thing I had been to several first aid courses.

"W-What are you doing?!" Niall didn't try to pull away, he was just standing there, watching my hands, letting me do, but his voice was so scared, it nearly made me lose focus on the important thing now.

"Applying pressure, it only works if you put something in between, like the tissue package." It sounded almost like a robot when I talked, Niall flinched a little, but it wasn't something I'd be able to change now.

"It's too t-tight, L-Li..:" He whimpered, I was nearly done now, trying hard not to tear up, trust me, the last thing on my mind was hurting him, but I also knew that I couldn't give in now, this was supposed to be too tight.

"It's not, you're gonna be fine. Come on now." I was trying not to meet his eyes on purpose, this was too much for me already, he was so miserable, he looked sick as hell, scared to death and as if he'd just lose consciousness any second, which was also why I kept my hands on his shoulder, trying to walk him to the door quickly.

"Where are we going?! What … what is happening, I…" Due to the fact that I was so close, I could feel the shaking, the slight try to resist being pushed towards the door by me.

"The hospital, we have to-"

"NO! No, Liam, no, I can't go there, I can't, I didn't want to, I slipped, it wasn't supposed to be this deep, please no, they will call my mum, I'm dead, please no!" His sudden outburst made me loosen my grip for just one second, but it was enough for Niall to get out of it, he tried to bring distance between us, but I was too fast and too strong as well.

There were tears welling up in my eyes as I heard that, he had caused this cut by himself, my Nialler had been fucking hurting himself. "Niall, I will not take a no right now, we have to get this checked, I'm gonna carry you out there if necessary, you can scream and kick as much as you want to but we'll go to hospital. I won't risk anything happening to you, not again."

"P-Please… n-no…" This was breaking my heart all over, I was betraying him again, while looking at him even, holding both of his upper arms to keep him from running away, tears streaming down both of his cheeks as he just continued to shake his head over again, begging.

"I'm sorry, Ni. We have to." My voice sounded way stricter than I had wanted it to, inside I was cursing myself for doing this, for making him cry like this and scare him so much, but I was gonna do what was right now, with Niall's approval or without.

"Please, Liam, d-don't tell anyone w-what h-happened, p-please…" Since he still refused to move, I wrapped one arm around his stomach, half carrying him to the stairs, due to the fact that he was so busy with tearing my insides by begging nonstop, he didn't pay too much attention to anything else.

I had no idea what I was even doing to be honest, all I kept thinking was that if anything happened to Niall, it would be my fault, even if he'd never forgive me now, not for our fight or this now, it would be for his health, that was the only reason why I was strong enough to do this without bawling and crushing him in a hug.

As we finally reached the front door, Niall had gone limp, he was just staring at the floor now, not bothering to stop me from dragging him around, it seemed as if he had given up. "Put on your shoes…"

Even that happened without any complainant, I was worriedly checking his arm every five seconds, the towel hadn't been leaking yet, but I could already see it coming, we weren't out of danger, which was also why I kept my arm around Niall all the time, so I'd be able to catch him if he passed out.

"Niall… I'm not doing this to be mean, I'm doing this because I love you." Speaking of that, we were wasting time here, I didn't even know how much his cut hurt, there was a great chance he was just hiding the pain, but it couldn't have been comfortable.

As Niall just looked down, I quickly grabbed my jacket, putting it around his shoulders where he kept it to my relief, he couldn't put it on right, but it was cold outside and I didn't want him to freeze.

There were a lot of other things I would've liked to tell him, but I wasn't capable of, I just kept my arm around him, trying to pull him to my car as quickly as possible, he stumbled a little though, so I slowed down a bit. I couldn't believe that we had gotten into a situation like this after all, I was completely startled by everything, minutes before I had been fucking begging at his door and crying my eyes out, now that he finally allowed me to touch him again, we didn't even say one single word. All I could think was that thank god I had come, if this had happened while Niall had been alone, he could've died, not necessarily from the cut itself but from passing out and hitting his head or something. I could've lost my baby.

He got into the passenger seat rather clumsily, it gave me a sting, he was so innocent and small, none of this should be happening to him, he should always be safe and warm, not having to worry about anything. But he was and it was my fault, I had promised his mum to make this work, now we were in the car while his arm was cut up and Niall was staring straight out the window, a clear sign for me to stay away and shut my mouth.

The problem was, I couldn't. "Does it hurt very much? I'm sorry, if I hurt you before when I wrapped the towel around it, but it has to be so tight, or the bleeding won't stop."

"It's not so bad… I didn't mean for this to happen, please believe me…" Niall was watching his fingers twisting together in his lap now, I could see a small, red, spot forming on the towel, motivating me to get my eyes back on the street and drive faster.

"I do believe you, but… but I can't wrap my head around that you were actually… cutting yourself… Ni, this is pretty bad stuff, I'm not judging you, baby, I care so much about you, I just don't want you hurt, much worse things could've happened. I believe you that you slipped, but we still have to talk about this." Not only about that, but his safety was first priority here.

"Can we… not do it now? I just… please, don't tell the doctor, don't tell anybody, I won't ever do it again, I promise. Just please, Li, I don't want my mum to know, she'll send me to therapy. Please." This was so hard, I had no idea if he meant it about never doing it again, hell, I didn't even know if this had been the first time. What would I tell the doctor anyway? I couldn't lie to him, could? On the other hand, I knew Niall's mum would overreact, if this all came out, Niall's life was gonna be a mess, I didn't want to be the one to cause this, again. But then again, did I even have a choice here?

"Niall, we… we will talk about this later, I…I'm more worried about the cut, do you feel dizzy? Anything?" Considering the amount of blood, you would've expected him to cry in pain, but there was nothing, he probably had been just as pale before.

"No… I don't… I didn't really feel it. It burns, but… not so much…" Was this even possible? It scared the hell out of me for sure though.

I wanted to tell Niall so much, but he leaned his head against the window, going silent, so I kept my mouth shut, trying not to tell him how fucking sorry I was for the ten millionth time. The really sad thing was that we were talking again, yet there still was no relief, everything had just gotten worse on a whole new level. He had cut himself, I couldn't have fucked up more than this, who knows what might have happened if I had waited more days to come here. 

Niall didn't seem so worked up as me, he was just being quiet the whole time, cuddling into my jacket while trying to hold his arm in a way that was comfortable I guess, but it wasn't calming me down in any way, he looked kinda done with everything, as if he didn't even care anymore what happened.

"Ni… are you okay to walk?" Not sure if my parking spot was really what I thought, however I also didn't care, I had hardly stopped the car before getting out already, glad to see that Niall was attempting to do the same without any complainant. "Wait, I'll help you, babe."

Before he had both his legs on the ground, I was already by his side, grabbing his waist softly, making sure he wouldn't stumble. "I'm fine… thanks…"

"You don't look so good, Niall, we should probably… hurry up a bit." The spot on the towel had gotten bigger, I didn't want to make him too nervous or rush him, even if that seemed impossible, it's just that I wanted to run inside screaming my head off or something, the cut was fucking BIG, okay, I had no idea how I even managed to accept the fact that Niall was being this slow.

"Yea… okay…" He never met my eyes, not once, he kept them down the whole time, his voice trailing off in the end.

I gently put my arm around his waist again, trying not to make it too obvious how I was trying to push him a little so he'd walk faster while doing my best to not bump into anyone, or actually, make sure Niall wouldn't bump into anyone, it would only hurt his arm, by now I was nearly 100% convinced that he was just overplaying the pain.

"We need-"

"One second, please." Usually, I wasn't behaving this rude, I also didn't interrupt people working in a hospital when they told me to hold on while they were on the computer, but today was different.

"Sorry, we can't wait a fucking second, ma'am." Niall flinched at how harsh my voice was, I was nearly growling, protectively keeping Niall close to me, he had started trembling as soon as we had set more than one feet into the hospital.

The woman looked up now, probably about to scold me, but her eyes quickly got wider as I pointed to Niall's arm, the towel had gone around his arm three times yet it was still leaking. "Oh god. I'm sorry, please follow me. Is everything alright, are you feeling dizzy, dear? Sick?" 

"N-No…" I tried to be comforting, rubbing Niall's shoulder, but he was panicking now, I could feel it, not only by the way he was stumbling next to me as we were being led into an empty doctor's room. This was nerve wrecking like, I wanted to yell at someone, or better, punch something preferably, just so I could keep it together for a bit.

"Here, sit him down, he's awfully pale, I'll send someone in in just a second, alright?" Before I could even say something, the woman had disappeared again, pulling the door closed behind her and leaving us all by ourselves.

"Come on, Ni, sit down, carefully, I'll help you." It was so hard to keep my voice this soft, he shouldn't notice that I was about to freak out just like he already did, his breathing got heavier too, one hand clenched into my shirt. "Shh, it's okay, you'll be okay, it'll stop hurting in a second, I promise."

"L-Li… Please d-don't t-tell…" So this was still the bigger problem, I had to swallow down a sigh, Niall was still not looking at me, but he looked so much younger now like this, with the bright light and all. I ran my fingers through his hair softly, caressing his back gently, anything to make him stop shaking this much. And so I wouldn't have to give an answer, because I still had no idea what I should do now.

Luckily, or maybe not, the decision whether I should respond was made for me as a doctor walked in, he greeted us quickly, immediately getting a chair to sit down and have a look at Niall's arm. 

"I'll have to cut this off, okay? I'm gonna try my best and not hurt you." Even though he smiled at Niall, it didn't help, especially not with scissors of this size or the fact that he could accidentally brush the wound. "What's your name?"

"N-Niall…" It sounded as if Niall would choke any second, he pressed his eyes closed all of a sudden, nearly ripping my shirt off now, as if he thought I'd leave him.

"Alright, Niall, can you tell me what happened?" There it was, the feared question, not directed at me though, which kinda made it clear, if Niall told him some story, I certainly would not go and tell on him, I focused on rubbing his back instead.

"I-I… w-we have a b-broken window and… and I didn't n-notice t-that t-there w-was still g-glass a-and I c-cut my a-arm…" The thing was, Niall sounded like a scared little five year old, he also kinda looked like one, even I would've probably believed him if I hadn't known the truth.

"It's all fine, Niall, I will just take a look at this, okay? Is this your brother?" A thought crossed my mind, like, would they call his mum? Maybe if I claimed that I was Zayn then they wouldn't however if they checked and caught me lying I'd be in big trouble.

"No, I'm… I'm watching Niall because his mum isn't home and he's kinda sick." I added the last part because who'd babysit a fifteen year old, I just wanted to get this over believably, without having to answer any more questions about how he had gotten this cut.

The doctor just nodded slowly, he seemed very concentrated while cutting the towel, which was good, because I couldn't take any more questions. Once he was done, removing the bloody tissues, I could see the cut fully, making my stomach turn, but I forced myself to look at it, this was my fucking fault after all.

"Good, it looks like there's no glass left in your arm. It may look pretty bad, we'll have to stitch it but it won't take too long to heal. This may hurt a little though." After he had gotten something to wipe the blood, it made Niall flinch already, he refused to open his eyes or even move an inch. "How old are you, Niall?"

"Fifteen…" There was a little surprise in the men's face, something I understood too well.

"Okay, do you want me to numb it or-"

"No. No, please don't, I-I… I don't want a shot there..:" I think I regretted his decision more than he would in a second, I had gotten stitches before, without numbing the wound, probably because of the same reason that made Niall shake right now, but I couldn't remember it so clearly anymore. But it hurt, a lot.

"Alright now, what I'm gonna do now is just for disinfection, I'll tell you before I start, okay?"

I don't think that Niall gave a shit, he whimpered slightly when the doctor disinfected his cut, which gave me a sting as well, I couldn't bear to see Niall in pain, it was probably the most awful thing in the world, plus he still had to go through the stitching.

"Okay, tell me if you are ready." That's it, from this point on, I couldn't look anymore, I stared at Niall's hair instead, hearing him take a deep breath before nodding slowly, pulling me as close as possible. For a second, I thought that he was doing fine, but then I realized the doctor hadn't even started. "Alright."

I couldn't take one breath before Niall was whimpering again, making me cringe inside. "L-Li… "

"I'm here, it's all good, come here." Instead of risking a look, I slowly unclenched his fingers from my shirt, lacing mine through them instead, letting Niall squeeze my hand tightly before pulling his head to rest on my chest, pressing my face into his hair. "Shh, Ni, it's almost over, I know it hurts but in a few seconds you're gonna be all fine again, okay? And then we can go home again, you're doing so good, Nialler."

It didn't matter now that we had had a fight, that he was still pissed at me, he just pressed himself into me, squishing my hand in his while I was suffering next to him at his little whimpers, it was horrible, to know that he was in pain and I couldn't even do anything besides being there, which hopefully helped just a little, even if he hated me.

No idea how long it took the doctor to stitch up his arm, I didn't risk to watch in fear of emptying my whole stomach into his face, I just kept my face buried in Niall's hair, kissing it sometimes and rubbing his cheek gently, hoping that he didn't feel my hand shaking.

"Okay, you can both open your eyes again, all done." Actually, I wasn't very keen on seeing the cut stitched up either, but I looked down anyway, a wave of relief rushing throw me when I saw the bandage.

"Thank you…" I breathed, even if he kinda was a doctor and it kinda was his job, but I still pressed another kiss to the side of Niall's head, holding him really tight for a second as he tried to catch his breath again. "You okay, Ni?"

"I guess…it burns a little…" He sniffed quietly, which made me immediately look at his face, realizing with horror that he had been crying throughout the process.

"Hey, but you'll be fine, babe, it'll stop, I promise." Without waiting for an answer, I used the one hand he wasn't still desperately holding onto to dry his cheeks softly, being met by a pair of watery, blue eyes. "It's all good."

"He's right, the stitches will come out in a week." Niall nodded absently, he was trying to move his arm a little, wincing, but not making one sound. "Okay, now, are you two related?"

"No, I'm a friend of the fam- "

"He's my best friend." I really hoped he wasn't asking those things because he was accusing me of having hurt Niall, like, it seemed pretty ridiculous now to ask those questions after Niall had interrupted me like this and held onto my hand for his dear life. 

"I see. You're over eighteen, I suppose?" Our answers didn't really seem to have any impact on the doctor, he was just writing something on a file.

"Yeah, I'm twenty." Would he still have to call Niall's mum? This was making me really nervous, just as much as Niall I suppose, even though after he had stood up with my help, he just kinda fell against me, refusing to let go of my hand, totally fine with me.

"Good. Fill this out please and you can take him home. And Niall, you're gonna be careful, okay? Don't get it wet and change the bandages every second day, also after you get the stitches out." Right, it'd be quite difficult to explain to his mum that he had to go to the hospital if he wanted to hide the cut, on the other hand, I doubted that it would completely fade, at least not for a few years.

Since Niall was still clinging to me, I took a little longer to fill out the file, but I managed it luckily, I guess it was just so they knew who I was in case something happened to Niall, I don't know, I was just glad when we finally were allowed to walk out again, still hand in hand, actually, Niall was having both of his around mine, something that quickly changed when we were about to fully step outside of the hospital and I just pulled him into a hug. 

I've had to miss him so much, it had been unbearable, now all of this happening had gotten me even more emotional, I think I teared up as he finally hugged me back, and tight as well. "I missed you so much, you have no idea. So fucking much." 

"I missed you too, Li… I'm sorry that I didn't text back or picked up the phone, I just… I didn't know what to say and I was so mad at first but then I was just sad and I didn't know how to deal with it. And sorry for telling you to go fuck yourself… I regretted it immediately after sending it, I swear." His face was pressed into my shoulder, like always, we just fit together, we knew where to put our arms and how tight to hold each other, it was so calming to have his smell all around me again and his warmth surrounding me. 

"There's nothing for you to apologize for, it was my fault, no one el-"

"No. This wouldn't have happened if… if I could've just kept myself together, which I should have, then…." Yeah, then we wouldn't be here at all, we'd probably be at my place, or on the phone with each other, all the 'what if's were killing me, I didn't wanna think about that one word from me could've prevented Niall from slicing his arm up, it was unbearable.

"Shh. It's fine now, right? We're good again? Or do you want me to apologize again, because I will, as many times as you want me to, I'd do anything if you just ask me, really, anything." We were still in the entrance hall, wrapped up in each other, not that any of us minded it, as long as I had Niall, I was fine.

"You don't have to say anything, Liam, you already did. And besides… we got this thing, don't we? We don't have to say everything that we want each other to know because we just do, right?" For the first time in days, I truly caught myself smiling at this, pressing a kiss onto the top of his head.

"Yeah, we do, Ni. We do. Let's go home, okay?" He didn't wanna let go just yet but lingered in the hug for a little, but as we pulled apart, his face didn't look so pale anymore, or maybe I was imaging that, because I so desperately wanted it to be real.

"Got tomorrow off?" This nearly made me laugh, Niall said it so confidently, because he already knew, he always knew when I had to be somewhere.

"I do. Why?" As I put my arm around his shoulder, it wasn't the least bit surprising to me when he grabbed my hand anyway, keeping it around him. 

"Sleep over?" Was this even worth a question, seriously, we had wasted so much time together first of all, also I didn't dare leaving him alone now, we still had to talk about some things, but it could wait until we were back at his house.

"Wasn't planning on leaving." Some people stared at us, probably because we looked very far from each other's age to be this close, also, Niall still had blood spots on his, actually my, shirt, which shouldn't be that surprising, in a hospital and all.

Even if there were things I needed to ask, I decided to let Niall be for now, he was cold while walking to the car, so I pulled him closer to my side, ridiculously happy for a situation like this, it's just, I felt that I HAD to be the one to take care of it, I wanted it.

"Ni, before I forget it, Louis is pretty worked up because of you not talking to him anymore." Well, he also had only apologized one time via text message I think.

"Oh… right, I… I was more like… thinking of you rather than him…" The blush suited Niall well, it was really cute, yeah, but he needed the color, he was still pale after not going outside for so long, also, he probably was still stick, something I hadn't asked him about because I had been more focused on him not bleeding out. "But I'll text him." 

"He'll be really happy." Hopefully also for me if Niall told him that we had made up, I just didn't want anyone to bring it up again, like ever. "Also, Niall…"

"Hm?" He didn't look up from his phone, but I actually waited before starting the car, trying to put my worries into words.

"You know… what's this about you… being sick and ditching school? Are you better now?" Sure, he didn't seem healthy to me, but he hadn't shown any symptoms yet, even if my words caused him to shrug slightly, sinking deeper into the passenger seat.

"I-I… I didn't feel very good about our fight and you know… Amy is in my school and… I wanted to just ditch but I somehow got sick for real and I had to throw up all the time and I had a little fever… it's better now though, sometimes I still feel a little weird but… it's better now that… you're here." I could only see his profile, but it was enough to watch him flushing, still not looking at me. This made me feel really bad, like, he had really gotten physically sick from this fight.

"I'm sorry, babe, I hope you'll be fine again now, your mum told me about some medicine you gotta take." Not sure if he still needed it now, I mean, he looked pretty bad, but he had just gotten twenty stitches into his arm.

"Yeah, I know, but… I should be fine without. And also…umm… thanks for not telling the doctor before…" Maybe it was a good thing that I had started the car just then, he sounded a little nervous bringing this up again, it made me sigh slightly, we still had to talk about this.

"Of course… here, you look like you're cold." Before the situation could get more awkward, I quickly took my jacket, putting it over him so he could tug himself in with it, which he did gratefully, giving me a shy smile.

"Thanks, Li. Can we watch a movie when we get home?" This was so nice, because it reminded me so much of when he had been younger, his voice still got all excited over such little things, it was beyond adorable and I found myself laughing.

"Yeah, sure. Is there any popcorn left or did you eat all of it again?" I teased while pulling out of my spot, Niall was probably pouting, or pretending to.

"Hey! I always leave some or make my mum buy more, you know that, Li, we've never been out of popcorn. At least not at MY place." Niall was referring to that one incident when he had stayed over on some friday night a few weeks ago, having to learn the hard way that it actually is possible to eat nachos instead of popcorn and that some stores did have closing hours. 

The drive was nice, I just focused on Niall for a while, appreciating the fact that we could just go back like this, crack jokes and be all comfortable with each other, a little more affectionate maybe because last week was still very present in our minds, it just made me feel better when I reached over to have Niall link our fingers, drawing on the back of my hand with his fingertips, as if he didn't even notice anymore.

The second we stepped inside the house though, I kinda felt something in the air that let our mood crumble a little, probably the fact that upstairs in Niall's room was still proof of what had happened before.

He obviously knew that too. "Umm… can you make the popcorn? I'll be right downstairs again?"

"You okay? Not dizzy or sick or anything?" I stopped him from leaving, grabbing his good arm softly to look into his eyes, checking.

"I'm good. I'll call if anything is wrong, okay?" The kiss on the cheek was probably what convinced me, I don't know, he just knew how to make me give in, so I let go of his arm, watching him taking two steps at a time. He'd have to scrub the blood off the floor now, I wasn't sure if I wanted him to do this alone, but he seemed very concerned about me staying down here, so I guess I would.

Actually it was funny how I was able to find everything in this kitchen without having to pay much attention, I had stayed here so often it was ridiculous, five times a month for sure, even if Niall came over to my place more often, which we both liked better, because it was my own place and we wouldn't have to worry about anything.

As I waited for the popcorn to be done, I just leaned against the counter, staring against the wall and just listening if there was some noise coming from upstairs that should get me worried, but all I could hear were Niall's light footsteps.

When he came down the stairs again though, he was being pretty loud, even if he didn't jump like he used to, for which I was really grateful.

"Everything alright?" Couldn't help but ask all the time, I was just painfully worried, his arm was covered up now under the sleeves of the hoodie he had put on… wait. "Well, at least I know now that my clothes didn't wander off by themselves."

"I'll give it back to you… and the shirt too… after I washed it, I mean… I'm sorry…" My shirt getting blood all over it had been the last thing on my mind, I didn't actually care about my clothes, it didn't bother me when he wore them.

"That's okay, I'm used to you borrowing my clothes and it was just a plain white shirt, no worries." Hopefully my smile cheered him up a little, I think at least his face lit up a tad before he just came over to wrap his arms around my waist, pressing his cheek against my chest. "Is anything wrong?"

"No, I'm just happy that you're here." There was a giggle that melted my heart, just a tiny one, but hearing that Niall was okay after all made me calm down so I could put my arms around him as well, safely, holding him close.

"That's good, I'm happy too. Are you gonna go back to school sometime this week?" It was only tuesday after all, but if he wouldn't go tomorrow then there'd only be two days left, I wasn't sure if I wanted him to go, like, he couldn't stay at home forever but… at least this week.

"Well… I don't want to. If mum says I can stay home then I will, I still sometimes feel a little feverish, not now but yeah. I really wanna stay at home. And then you could stay here too, right? You don't have to be anywhere this week, do you?" He caught on quickly, normally he wouldn't have been so straight forward, also so much snuggling only happened after we hadn't seen each other for a really long time or in this case, had a fight.

I found myself supporting his idea without even thinking this through. "Yeah, sure. You probably should get all healthy again first, and if your mum goes to work then I can keep you company and make sure you don't eat the whole fridge empty."

"As if I would EVER do that." Niall tried to sound annoyed and I chuckled, it got even funnier because he jumped excitedly like a child when the popcorn started to pop, making me laugh yet again, everything seemed to so much better and more hilarious now.

While walking upstairs, Niall was going on about how we had to watch Pitch Perfect because 'It's SO funny, Liam, we're gonna die', and I wasn't sure if I would die because I didn't know the movie however Niall nearly died from laughter at every single one so I'd be glad to watch him.

Right as I entered his room, I noticed that he had cleaned up a little before, probably in haste, because is garbage can was about to spill over while all of his clothes were just in a big mountain on his chair, the bed was free however, the one place we probably wouldn't move away from anymore for a few hours. Maybe until tomorrow.

"Oh shit…" Niall muttered, making me go into panic mode immediately, I also nearly spilled the popcorn and Niall's coke, only to be relieved as I realized what was causing him problems. 

"Awww, Ni, you still have that?" The stuffed unicorn I had bought him, it had been half hidden under the blanket, Niall took it immediately, stuffing it into his closet and pretending it had never happened as a grin spread all across my face, this was so cute.

"Shut up, Li, you know I don't sleep with it anymore….just last week, okay." My poor baby, he had been missing me to such an extend, he had been wearing my clothes and slept with a glittery stuffed unicorn, I would've hugged the hell out of him, but I didn't have my hands free so I simply pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"It's okay, Nialler, I cried over the photo album you gave me, so." Which was probably more embarrassing, considering I was twenty years old, it didn't cheer Niall up like expected.

"I hate when you cry." That feeling was mutual.

"I just like… cried a little. I teared up. My eyes got a little w-"

"Same thing. I'll put the DVD in, okay?" I just nodded absently, suddenly remembering that I still had to talk to Niall about his arm as I put everything on the bedside table before sitting down in the bed, getting one of his blankets to wrap it around my shoulders, it actually was cold in here.

Niall looked over his shoulder, smiling at me when he saw what I had done, he quickly walked over to his door after turning the TV on, closing it and turning off the lights before coming back to me, not even hesitating for a second to press himself into me.

I wasn't having any of this now though, I just grabbed his hips softly, pulling him into my lap and wrapping the blanket around him as well. This was really comfortable, we were in a cocoon of warmth all snuggled up, I loved this, because it made Niall really happy and I could be sure he was all safe like this.

"Hey, Ni, before you press play… can I ask you something?" It took all of my guts now to burst his little bubble of happiness, he was all cuddled up to me, obviously enjoying my arms hardly leaving him any room to move his.

"What's up?" Not sure if he really had no idea or just pretended to, however he put the remote down next to him, sitting up a little so we could look at each other.

"About your arm… have you ever… done this before?" Immediately after it was out, Niall's blue eyes went down, a tiny sigh escaped him that I tried to make up for with a soft kiss to his temple.

"I… I did, but… not so deep and they always faded after a few days or so, most of them didn't even bleed, Li, I promise. I also didn't want to do it but… but I was really sad because of our fight and I hit the wall, which hurt like shit but at least it took my mind off. So I… I used other stuff as well … I'm sorry, I won't ever do it again, I promise, I've only cut like four times and I slipped at this one, please don't tell my mum." This was freaking hard to just take without wanting to cry or scream or kiss Niall all over his face because he didn't deserve to be in pain or feel so badly he wants to hurt himself, out of all people, Niall was the last one who should ever feel this way.

"What … did you use for this cut?" I ignored his wish on purpose, I hadn't decided yet, I didn't want to risk his life, even if this had only been caused by our fight, but what if he did it again some other time he was sad?

"My… pocket knife… "Oh my god.

Niall's eyes were on me worriedly as I inhaled sharply, trying not to freak out, I'd have every right to but Niall was in my lap so I stayed calm, just for him, bringing my hand up to free his forehead from his fringe. "Where is it now?"

"Umm… on my desk over there." Why did he even have one?! "Please don't tell, I will never EVER do it again, Li, I would never break a promise to you, you know that, please just trust me, Liam, I really regret it. Please."

The begging was causing me to feel like shit, Niall's sad face right in front of mine didn't really make anything better either. Of course his mum would completely freak out, god knows what she'd do, also, I had seen the pain Niall had been in before, the shock, and maybe he really did mean everything he said right now, but who could guarantee me that at some critical point, he'd just forget his promise? So I made a decision.

"You give me this knife later and I'll throw it away, I'm not gonna tell anybody and we will think of something to tell your mum about the cut, but only if you let me check once a while, it's not that I don't trust you, I just care about you, baby and I won't risk anything happening to you. Deal?" Not exactly what Niall had wanted to hear, but he nodded immediately, making me relax a little more. "Where are the other cuts?"

"They're barely there anymore… my hip. I can show you later, they're not bad, I promise, Li, I-"

"Hey, sh, it's okay, I'm not judging you or anything, I'm just asking because I don't want you to hurt yourself, I don't want you hurt in any way. If you ever feel like doing it again then you come talk to me, no matter how late it is or where I am or whatever might have happened, you talk to me. Promise?" I made a promise to myself right there while looking into Niall's innocent face, I'd never let it get this far ever again, I'd never let him put his life into danger like this again.

"I promise…thank you." Niall didn't seem so nervous anymore now, this was a good thing, he even looked at me again.

"For what?" Nothing I had done was extraordinary, I think it should be clear by now that I'd do anything for him I could possibly do.

"Everything. For texting me every day when I didn't even text back, for always being there for me and putting up with me and for forgiving me that I kissed you and that you're still my best friend even if I told you umm… you know." There was a shy smile on his lips, impossible not to return. Yeah, there was still this problem about how he felt about me, but I kinda hoped it was just a phase, since we clearly couldn't live without each other, also not without being this touchy-feely, I remembered what Louis had said, about keeping distance and stuff, but I tried my best to erase it from my mind as I tightened my arms around Niall, kissing his nose. 

"You'll always be my best friend, I'd do anything for you, babe, and you know that, therefore you don't have to thank me, because you're not a burden. You're the most important thing to me." This was 100% true, I cared about Louis and Harry as well, sure, and my family, but Niall always came first, and he probably always would, which he knew, because he gave me a smile more blinding than the sun. "Movie?"

"Yes! You'll love it, you'll see, my taste in movies is too perfect." He joked, leaning back more against me which pressed me into the pillows, I grabbed the bowl of popcorn after Niall had started the movie, placing it in his lap as he put his head down on my shoulder, letting out a happy sigh.

It was actually perfect, Niall giggled at least every five minutes, he also drank coke with a straw like a child and nearly purred when I started brushing his hair out of his face in slow motions, not even noticing my hand movement after a while anymore.

Sometimes towards the end, Niall yawned adorably, unexpectedly nuzzling his nose into my neck. He had laced our fingers together, like he always seemed to do when I hugged him from behind like this, leaving me no choice but to keep holding him, just like I wanted to. "Hey, LiLi…. let's never fight again, okay?"

"Never." I agreed, letting my lips rest against his hair after kissing it, knowing that Niall would fall asleep soon, and me probably as well, but it was fine, because we were both happy and alright now and I would never let anything close to this happen ever again.


	3. Part 3: another 4 years later

\---------- 4 years later ---------- 

"NIALL JAMES HORAN, YOU GET HERE RIGHT NOW!" Of course, he didn't, I made the dramatic appearance for nothing, I wasn't even THAT mad, actually, I just wanted to grab his full attention, which was hard. Very hard.

As I dropped my bag on the floor, not bothering to take my shoes off and walking straight into my living room, Niall barely looked up from the TV, he wasn't even wearing a shirt and his mouth was full of pizza that he had probably eaten off his chest. Remarkable actually, how he never even gained one pound with such a lifestyle. "What's up, Payno? How was work?"

"Niall, don't you dare acting all innocent now, you know exactly what you did!" In reality I was getting tired of this already, but I remained standing in front of the couch, contemplating whether or not to kick Niall off.

"What are you even talking about?" The thing was, he really seemed confused now, at least he swallowed, half sitting up to study my face. "Why are you pissing your pants now?"

"I'm not pissing my pants. I'm talking about your little chat with my freshmen class!" Maybe I was the one to blame here, it is not recommendable to bring your nineteen year old best friend into the class you're supposed to teach while he was sitting around looking handsome and willing to do anything to get me to mess up in front of class. They loved Niall, my younger students as well, which I understood because hell, I loved him as well, but sometimes I really needed to speak up.

"I just told those girls that it's fine if they fantasize about you, because I do it as well, look at you, you're twenty four and fine as hell, it should be illegal that you even teach a class, Li." This was too stressful, if he pretended to flirt with me and fucking WINK, I couldn't fucking stay serious.

"Niall, I mean it, stop grinning at me, you can't tell them so much about our private lives. At least not mine, I'm a teacher and this kid called me Payno today. Besides that, keep your fantasies to yourself, those are fourteen year old children, alright?" I didn't wanna go into detail now, but I remembered when I had started teaching last year and sometime I just took Niall with me because I wanted him to tell them what being in college was like, at first it had been fine, he stuck to the plan, leaving all his dirty stories out, but then, things kinda got out of my control, he stayed for an hour longer, sitting next to those girls and at the end of class they knew more about my sleeping habits than I did. They all loved Niall, no idea why I kept taking him with me, even to my 5th grade class, at least he behaved better there. A little.

"Well, they were drooling all over their books when you wore this shirt, Li, maybe you should buy your clothes a few sizes bigger." Which was funny to hear out of his mouth because he had worn a ridiculously lose tank top.

"I don't wanna hear anything about this anymore, just watch your mouth or you can't come anymore, alright? And wear something more appropriate in school… something that can't … slip or-"

"I knew you were watching when I had my nip slip. Don't deny it, Li, secretly you enjoy the sight you have when you get home and I'm here on your couch, almost completely nude." Well, not almost nude, he was still wearing pants but when he started stretching himself obscenely, I quickly looked away as his training short slipped a little lower.

"Since when are you even here? Don't you have lectures?" Completely ignoring his question, I sat down, further away from him, and reached over for a slice of his pizza, it was a good thing we liked the same kind.

"Like an hour. And no, my professor had to leave because his wife had her baby or something, I don't know, but it was cancelled anyway. Why? Are you throwing me out?" Niall sat up now, pretending to be shocked but I just rolled my eyes at him.

"I think throwing someone out would require that I invited them to stay, besides that, I bought you an extra pillow and blanket, does that look like throwing you out?" He was here almost every day, I don't even know how this had happened, but when he graduated last year, he moved into a dorm with some guy that had more girls over every night than I had even met, also his mum got him a car for his eighteenth birthday, it kinda made sense that Niall just walked in and out of here how he pleased, or just crashed on my couch whenever, half his clothes were mixed up with mine in my closet, even if Niall was a little smaller than me, we could wear each others clothes without a problem.

"You never know. Are we still going to the gym?" Right, that…

"Umm… I think I'll have to pass, I went for a run yesterday and I think I tore a muscle in my back or something, I should probably skip today." Thinking about that, it was still very uncomfortable now, even as I changed my position on the couch, trying not to laugh at Niall for still watching cartoons.

"Oh. Does it hurt?" He immediately scooted closer, his voice worried all of a sudden, the mood change nearly made me smile, I liked when he cared about me.

"A little, but I'm gonna be fine later." Later as in for Louis' and Harry's party at their new house, I hadn't wanted to go but Niall was dying to and I didn't wanna leave him alone with everyone there being at least 24 and up, not that he wouldn't fit in, because he would. Too good, that was the problem.

"I can give you a back rub." Before he even finished the sentence, I already felt his hand on my back, creating a bit pressure, kneading in various places, it didn't feel bad and I found myself agreeing without giving it a second thought, why would I deny? "Take off your shirt."

Maybe because of that. "It works like this as well, it feels good."

"Yeah, but if you'd take it off and lie down it'd be better, just saying. And I could use both my hands." Our eyes met, Niall's smile was a bit cheeky if you ask me but maybe I was just thinking about this in the wrong way, I mean, it was just Niall for god's sake, he was shirtless as well and not giving one single fuck. And my back really did hurt.

"Well… okay." I felt a little awkward now just undressing myself, not that I was embarrassed or so, it just seemed weird to me now with both of us half naked and me lying down on the couch, I don't know, it was probably because I had had a long day.

Niall stood up so I could get onto my stomach, I hadn't looked at him during the whole process, in fear of what might happen, which was very unusual for me like, we usually were close like this all the time, it shouldn't have made me feel all those things. But it did.

The one thing I hadn't seen coming was Niall sitting down on my bum, without a warning or anything, I nearly pushed him off accidentally. "Jesus, Ni."

"Sorry." He wasn't, he just chuckled, getting his hands on my back again, this time it felt much better. Too good actually. "Just relax, okay? I'm awesome at giving massages."

"I never doubted that…" Not even for one second.

At first, I tried to not enjoy it this much, I mean, I still didn't feel totally comfortable like this, with Niall on top of me while we hardly wore any clothes at all, but he had been totally right, he was really good with his hands, like, as far as I could judge…not like, in a dirty way or so, not that I even thought about anything like that, but he increased the pressure in just the right places where it hurt the most until the pain was just gone. That's when I closed my eyes, sighing slightly which made Niall giggle, obviously motivating him to keep going.

"Has it gotten better yet?" His voice was really close by my ear, he leaned forward as he asked, talking quietly.

"Yeah…" Embarrassing enough, it was really hard to form a understandable word, I felt I'd pass out any second, Niall's hands were so warm and soothing, besides I had been tired all day long so it was adding up now.

"I wouldn't mind if you'd take a nap. Actually it would compliment my skills." He had leaned back again, continuing with the back rub, making me shiver slightly, it was _so_ good.

"'m awake…" Not sure if he had even understood that, I hadn't opened my eyes in about ten minutes and everything I could hear was Niall breathing evenly and his movements, actually no wonder that I did drift off after a few more moments, not really sure if I had just been dreaming something hot and soft slightly pressing on my left shoulder blade that I could identify as simply Niall's lips. Why would he do that anyway, my imagination was probably just running wild.

Something that clearly was reality though was waking up to Niall's grin, his hand rubbing my shoulder softly. "Time to wake up, sunshine." 

"Shut up, Ni…" Clearly he was just saying it to tease me, I groaned a little, trying to find out why I was covered in a blanket, what the hell Niall was doing on the floor and anyway, how much time had passed by?

"No, I won't. I told you I was really good at back rubs, but you've been asleep for three hours, you gotta eat something and get ready." Three hours?

I sat up at this, yawning before realizing that my head was spinning a little, also, it was cold when the blanket fell off since I still was shirtless as well as… no, Niall was actually dressed now, his hair was done too, he looked really nice. And I probably looked as shitty as I felt right now. "Why didn't you wake me earlier?"

Niall just shrugged, he got up off the floor now, placing a plate in my lap before falling into the empty space next to me. "You looked really tired and exhausted, I didn't have the heart to disturb your sleep. Oh, right, I made you a sandwich too, you shouldn't go to a party when you're starving."

"Thanks, Ni, you didn't have to." But it made my heart swell that he had, he had tugged me in and let me sleep, which would've been enough for me to be really thankful for, but he had made me food also.

"I wanted to. You never eat properly." There was a hint of bitterness in his voice that made me turn my head, but he just shook his slowly, shrugging. "Not that it's any of my business." 

"I'm just always busy, I forget." I started defending myself automatically, I didn't want Niall worrying about me because there was nothing to be worried about, it was just hard to have so many classes to teach, I hadn't fully gotten used to it yet and Niall noticed, he also tended to scold me if I stayed up too late which was quite funny because it almost came off as if he was the mature one now.

"It's fine, I know, just eat. We'll leave in half an hour, are you gonna be ready until then?" Judging by the way I felt like passing out on Niall's shoulder in about two seconds, I probably wouldn't, but I gave him a half shrug, focusing on the sandwich he had made for me, Niall was really good at those, every time he was over I always let him do the cooking and stuff. Which was nearly every day.

"I guess. I won't look as good as you do though." The compliment was partly to make him cheer up, however it was true, Niall had grown up so much in the last two years, he had gotten musclier and his hair always looked impressively perfect, not even talking about how his face had gotten more defined now that he was losing his baby fat. It was actually crazy how much details I noticed about him considering we saw each other at least four times a week.

"Very funny, Li." But there was the hint of a smile on his face, he stretched his legs out across my lap as I lifted the plate.

"I'm being serious. And nice shirt, where'd you get it from?" I had bought it for him a while ago, which was the only reason why I asked and Niall knew, but he just rolled his eyes at me, smiling.

"It was a present from someone with really horrible taste." He played along, pretending to be tired of my stupid comments but he laughed anyway when I reached out to poke his tummy for what he had said.

"I'm flattered. That's a really good sandwich by the way." My favorite as well, Niall was so cute, he was so happy that I didn't say a word when he just walked in here in the middle of the night because he liked it better here than at his dorm, he sometimes even made me food to take to school. I would've offered him to fully move in with me, but I didn't see the point when he practically already was living here anyway. And I loved it, it was nice not being alone.

"You're welcome." I smiled over at him, petting his knee and leaving my hand there afterwards while I ate and he played with his phone, we hardly talked but it was really comfortable, I felt a little more awake after my nap, my back hurt less and it was calming to have Niall spread out across my lap.

Twenty minutes later, I walked out of my room, pulling on my clothes a little while Niall already had his shoes and played with his keys, he seemed to be close to bursting with excitement. "How do I look?"

"Stunning, like always." His grin was cheeky, but he came over to pull me to the door by my wrist. "And you smell good, too. I'll drive, okay?" 

"Can we still take… my car?" I asked carefully, scared about how he'd react but he just looked a bit confused. "You can drive."

"But your car is… old. Why can't we take mine?" Yeah, I admit it, his car looked way better than mine, which probably was because I still had my first one.

"Well… I assume that you will have a few drinks which leaves me to drive back and I kinda can't handle your car so well." Most of all, I didn't want to risk making a scratch into it, not that I was bad at driving but it got difficult with a drunken Nialler next to you, it was kinda sad that I had experience with that but I did. Niall had called me up drunk a lot of times, for which I was glad, I'd rather get up at two am than have him alone at night or even worse, trying to drive. I didn't approve of him drinking, he kept it together, but I would prefer it if he didn't do it, sometimes I liked to blame Louis and Harry for taking him out for drinks for his sixteenth birthday but it probably was also the influence of his other friends. If we're being honest, then I was the weird one for always turning everything down, I just didn't like it and I was also trying to watch out for Niall.

"Okay. But I'm not gonna get really drunk, I mean, I can keep myself together, besides I know when to stop." That was true but I was just glad he had agreed, it was fine if he got a little tipsy, I could handle that. Most of the time.

 

————

 

When we got there, Niall's promise seemed to be long forgotten, he had been babbling in the car nonstop, turning silent once we reached Harry and Louis' house though, he had never been here because they only moved in last week, it was sort of a housewarming party.

"Wow, it's so big. I didn't know you can get rich when you model a few clothes and your boyfriend studies law." Niall seemed to be truly impressed, he nearly forgot to turn the lights off, that's how eager he was to get inside.

"It weren't just a few clothes, Ni, Louis helped design them too. And imagine Harry becoming a lawyer now as well, he'll be done soon." Yeah, that was pretty depressing as well as impressive, looking over, Niall could hardly close his mouth, I wonder if he felt as intimidated by this house as I did, compared to my flat it was like a mansion.

"Well, I wouldn't wanna study law or design clothes, let alone model them, I'm perfectly happy with going to their parties and eating their kitchen empty, come on." Obviously not.

Niall's enthusiasm made me feel a bit better about myself, he didn't actually care for the house, he was just excited he could be here and yeah, in his words, eat their kitchen empty. Which was good because I wouldn't get rich with being a teacher and he wouldn't get rich either by becoming a sound engineer and dropping out of college like he planned to do, the only thing keeping him there was me and his mother threatening him. Even though she didn't have much to threaten, Niall basically lived with me, none of us had to pay rent since the flat had been a present and he also made money by working at the sound studio, he could be there more often if he dropped out of college, but I was trying to keep him going and graduate. "Didn't you have pizza before?"

"That was three hours ago, Liam, I had several snacks in between but I'm not gonna say no to anything once they tell me to feel like home here, trust me, I will." Another example why I wanted to come, we were walking towards the front door now and I had to hold Niall back a bit so he wouldn't start banging on the door instead of simply ringing and waiting until they opened.

"Niall, behave." Just making sure to tell him, I know I was annoying, it's just, it was hard to forget old habits.

"I'm turning twenty in eleven months, you don't have to tell me that. Are you gonna have a drink with me today or not?" It was more of a rhetorical question I suppose, he knew I wouldn't drink if I had to drive but as I was about to answer, someone opened the door, making us hear the music coming from inside while Harry blocked the sight.

"Hey, guys! I already thought Niall got you lost." A joke on how Niall had insisted on the four of us coming for a drive when he had gotten his driving license, we ran out of gas plus we had no idea where we were and it had taken four hours to get us back.

"Shut up. Where's Louis?" Niall pulled out of the half hug after that comment, so Harry threw his arms around me instead shortly before facing Niall again, quickly following him inside.

"In the kitchen, he's got some of his… co workers with him if you underst-"

"You got freaking MODELS to come?! See you later, guys!" And there he went.

"Wear protection…" Harry mumbled, waiting for me instead, he knew how uncomfortable I felt with so many people around that I hardly knew, I mean, Louis and Harry had so many friends it was insane that they still claimed Niall and me were the only ones they were really close to.

"You would let him hook up with them in your house?" I hoped not, not that Niall was sleeping around but he had had more one night stands than I would consider normal, not that it was my business, it's not like he bothered me with any details.

"Christ, no. They wouldn't hook up with him to begin with, not that he's ugly, it's just, he gets pretty weird when he's drunk. And he's so young too." True, Niall was good with girls, actually, people in general, not when he was drunk though, he got crazily affectionate, something that usually I had to deal with.

"I'd be glad if he hooked up with some model if that would mean I won't have to take care of him throwing up the whole night." Actually, I wouldn't be glad if he hooked up with a model, I just didn't know why and I also didn't want to say that, so I played it down instead.

"Louis won't let him do anything, he works with them and it would be extremely awkward." That calmed me down a little, I followed Harry past a few people that I only greeted barely, I wasn't even sure if I really did know them, I was kinda somewhere else with my mind. "How's school?"

"Huh? Oh… good, I guess. Stressful, but I'll get used to it eventually." It wasn't bad, it was my second year teaching after all, but it still consumed a lot of my time. 

"Well, if anyone has experience with kids that age it's you, sometimes I think Niall is still 15 and then he comes to me between lectures and we talk about his car. It's weird how fast time passes." Harry laughed, at himself for saying things like that but I barely heard him over everyone laughing and talking, besides we entered the kitchen now and I got distracted as Louis just came out of nowhere, hugging me.

"I'll change Niall's drink with juice later, don't tell him." Was it that bad already?

Before I could even ask, I looked over to see Niall with three girls laughing, a glass in his hand, his face was already red, he seemed way too amused. "Not a word. I would do it for you." 

"Thanks. Okay, now that you are here, Haz and me have to say something." Both their faces lit up at this, they exchanged a look which confused me even more, especially when they made it clear it wasn't just something to tell ME. "Come on." 

"What's going on?" I didn't get an answer, just mysterious giggling as they made me follow them back to the living room, Louis left us for a second to just turn off the music, making everyone groan and gain all of the attention at once, exactly what he wanted as it seemed.

"Guys, shut up for a second, okay. Me and Harry have something to say." At least no one else knew what was going on either, the conversations slowly died, Harry left me with another smirk, hurrying over to where Louis was and lacing their fingers together. For some reason it made me wonder if Niall was still in the kitchen, I felt kinda lonely now. 

"Alright, thank you all so much for coming, we're gonna make this quick since there's not much to say but … it's kinda a big thing and we decided we should tell you because we've kept it from everyone for long enough." My heart sped up automatically at this, they were smiling, which should've clearly showed me that it was nothing bad, but I still got nervous.

"I hope this is really important, I just left three of those models for it." Niall had popped up out of nowhere, he nearly gave me a heart attack before I looked down at what he was holding.

"What are you drinking? We just came five minutes ago-"

"Liam?" I hadn't noticed how loud my voice had been, Harry had stopped talking just to smile at me and everyone else's head was turned towards me and Niall, who just giggled, taking another sip to my disapproval. "Okay. Good. We're engaged."

Immediately, Niall choked on his drink, I was almost too shocked to rub his back before Louis just added something else that would've made me choke as well if I had been drinking. "Since a year. That wasn't the news, it's that we'll get married in a month." 

"You're doing WHAT?!" It was quite funny actually, everyone was congratulating them while me and Niall remained completely silent until Niall just bursted out with what both of us were thinking. Because… what the hell?!

"Getting married in-"

"No, but WHY didn't you tell us?! Who even proposed to who and HOW? Don't you think me and Niall should've known. Oh my god." I was completely startled, my best friends had been fucking engaged for a year, not that I hadn't seen it coming or even wished for it to happen but I would've thought one of them would at least come and talk to me or Niall or something, this was coming completely out of nowhere.

"This is so… I don't even know what to say like, I'm happy, but… well, I would tell you guys if I proposed to Liam, just saying." Niall seemed kinda hurt actually, but his example was still pretty weird and it caused a few people to whisper but I was too consumed with my thoughts as to really pay attention. "We could've helped or… I don't know I just…"

"We wanted to be sure before telling you. And maybe it calms you a little if we tell you that we still need two best men and we thought about asking you guys if you-"

"YES!" Niall bursted out, I was still a little trapped in my thoughts when he had already taken my hand to pull me over to Louis and Harry, immediately letting go of me to hug them both at the same time. "I'm sorry if it sounded wrong, I'm so happy for you guys, oh god, this sounds so stupid, but I mean it. Remember when you weren't even dating and when Liam was trying to play matchmaker and it didn't work and then we went to London and oh god, seems like it was just yesterday we went to this damn zoo, this is so great, I'm gonna fucking cry."

"I think Liam was a little faster with that." Embarrassing enough, this had really brought tears to my eyes until they just spilled over, I didn't even know why, Niall was the emotional one, not ME, but here I was crying while Louis and Harry rubbed Niall's back, laughing at me trying to stop the tears, there were fifty people there watching after all.

"I-I'm not c-crying." I was, but this situation was too overwhelming for me like, I remembered everything just like Niall and I was SO happy for them that they had been able to overcome all the difficulties so we could all be here now in this moment, the only bad thing about this was that I wasn't able to dry my wet face.

Niall pulled away now, looking at me instead and before I knew it, he had made Louis hold his glass and thrown his arms around my neck instead of theirs. He held me so tightly, I nearly stumbled back but hugged him back automatically, burying my face in his shoulder, the nice aspect of nearly being the same height. "It's okay if you're crying, Li, don't be embarrassed. We're gonna be their best men."

It sounded as if he couldn't even believe it, his voice was only a breath but it made me laugh slightly, holding him closer to me because it was calming, I was still a bit overwhelmed by the situation. "Yeah, we are, Ni."

For a bit, we just remained in this hug, I would've been fine with not moving ever again but Niall pulled away, sniffing a little as he kissed my cheek, I realized he had been crying as well, but he reached out for Harry and Louis anyway, with one arm remaining around my shoulders. "Group cuddle."

None of us would've ever done something like this if it wasn't because of Niall's need for affection, but I must admit, it was quite nice to have everyone so close because I was emotional as hell now and Niall too, he was holding onto me and Harry for his dear life, while I only had my arm around Louis loosely, mostly being squished into Niall. "It's actually quite funny how you two are the ones crying."

"I love you guys." Niall threw in, I looked over to see his eyes filling with tears again, he completely ignored what Louis had said or how all of us were staring at him with amusement, this was too cute, Niall always acted like a puppy that's all over everyone when he's excited.

"We love you too, Ni, hands off my co workers, okay?" This was uncalled for but Niall just shrugged, no idea if he had even listened, he buried his nose in my neck after the other two had pulled away since other people wanted to talk them as well, at least I remained for Niall to cling to, I wished he would've just stayed with me the whole time. And sober.

"I can't believe this. I need to know everything, like, when the hell have they gotten engaged, do you think it was on their trip to Paris?" Could be, but as I tried to answer, Niall was already thinking out loud again, he was still half hugging me, lifting his head off my shoulder now. "A month is like, so short. But then again, they spend all of their time together, it won't make much of a difference, but it's _so exciting_. I wonder if they're gonna adopt some day, that would be so cool, I'd be uncle Niall." 

"Maybe you should suggest that later, Ni, but cut back a little with your idea for names, alright?" I laughed when he rolled his eyes at me, letting go to punch my arm playfully, I felt mine slip as he brought more distance between us.

"Are you gonna come have a drink with me? Please? For celebrating." Sometimes it was hard saying no, but when Niall pulled his puppy eyes this time, I was already shaking my head.

"I can't, I have to drive us back later." Besides that, I didn't like having drinks, it was scary thinking I'd be drunk and not know what was going on or not being able to save Niall from something stupid once he was wasted.

"We could get a taxi. Or just sleep on the floor, look at this rug, I think it cost more than my dorm does per year." Which was actually a waste of money, but I didn't say that.

"Or maybe it just looks like it, anyway, I think Louis and Harry need some privacy later and I'm not made of money, we got a car, we can simply drive back. Maybe you shouldn't have a drink either." It'd be a blessing if it was just one drink.

"You're so boring, Li, now I have to go all by myself. I don't know anyone except for the models over there, I think I'll try and make them take selfies with me so I can post them." He thought his idea was brilliant, I could tell by the way his face lit up all of a sudden and I couldn't help smiling over him, shaking my head at the same time.

"You're such an idiot, they'd never do that." Niall just shrugged, there was a grin plastered all over his face now as he started walking away slowly, but mouthing a 'watch me' over his shoulder.

The only thing I got to actually watch was Niall's back after he had put both of his arms around two girls' shoulders, simply interrupting their conversation which was the exact point I turned away. There was no need for me to actually see how good he was with people because I already knew, what worried me a little though was the fact that he had never had a proper girlfriend, like, the longest relationship he had had had lasted for nearly a month, there had also been no shed tears or any signs that it bothered him, if I remember correctly he had dropped next to me on the couch, shoving fries into his mouth and saying 'I broke up with her' and right a second later 'Do you mind if I switch the channel?'. 

I on the other hand could still clearly remember very painfully Sophia breaking up with me, two months ago, it had gotten to me pretty badly, I had tried to play it down but Niall noticed right away, he let me cry on his shoulder for over an hour, telling me he didn't know how it felt to be with someone for a year because the only person he was used to be around for days in a row was me. Secretly, he wasn't too sad about this, he did a great job at being there for me, but I knew he didn't actually mind that he never had to see her again.

Just like I wouldn't have minded not having to see him flirting with all those girls again, but here I was.

"Earth to Liam, hello? What's wrong? Where'd Niall go?" I hadn't noticed Harry coming back until he had already slung his arm around me, pulling me to walk away a little, not that I honestly cared, I had only been here one time before, for a few minutes.

"Umm… he went to take selfies with the models and get wasted," Unfortunately there was no nicer way to put it, maybe it sounded as if I was mad because Harry gave me a squeeze, actually I was just not in the mood for talking, which was kinda stupid since I should still be flashed from earlier, my best friends were getting married for crying out loud.

"Oh. I thought he'd stay with you. Actually I hoped. Sorry." We had almost reached the end of the living room now, Harry still hadn't let go of me but I listened up at this. 

"Why are you sorry?" Well, he should be sorry for not telling me he fucking got engaged with the guy I helped hooking him up with but that's probably not exactly what he meant.

"Well… you always look so sad when Niall leaves you standing." As I turned my head, he just bit his bottom lip, quickly trying to change the topic. "Can I show you something?"

"Yeah, but… I'm not sad, I just… I'm a little worried. He does stupid things when he's by himself." Just maybe I was a little sad. Only a tiny bit.

"Louis is around, he'll check on him, come on." To my surprise, we took the stairs, I hadn't been upstairs yet, especially not in their bedroom, but that was exactly where Harry led me to, not leaving me much time to look around in the hallways. 

"I feel kinda… weird in here." The bed was probably three times bigger than mine, which was not the problem at all, but it felt kinda strange knowing I was one of the first people in here except for the two who did… stuff here. 

"We wash, you know." Harry giggled at me looking around nervously, stepping from one foot to another, it was really quiet up here, if I hadn't known I wouldn't have thought there were fifty people downstairs. "One second." 

"Umm… what are you doing?" He had gotten onto his stomach, reaching under the bed, which seemed to cause him some difficulties since I heard some groans before he got to his feet again, proudly holding something in his hand.

"What do you think?" Before I got to express my confusion out loud, he clipped the box open, revealing two rings that literally took my breath away, they looked so expensive, I was scared I'd break them if I just looked.

"Wow… now that I really think about this… I was pretty stupid for not seeing your engagement rings, was I? But those are perfect, Haz, he'll love them." Louis would love everything Harry got, but I was being serious.

"You think? I gotta show him before, I just wanted to ask you first, to be sure, you know. Maybe I'm the only one who likes them, maybe my taste is weird or something." When he clicked the box shut again, he shrugged, half smiling at me before sitting on the edge of the bed, I remained standing, for various reasons.

"Only your taste in clothes is, this time you got it right." While saying this, Harry pet the spot next to him, but I laughed, sitting on the floor instead with the wall pressing into my back. Yeah, I had issues.

"Don't be so uptight, man, Niall would've already made a backflip into the bed just to test it out." This wasn't even a joke.

"I'm not Niall though and anyway, I'm waiting, you know. There are things you have to tell me like, who knows? When did it happen? Who asked who? Where? Ho-"

"Alright, calm down, I will tell you if you're being that curious." Of course I was, how could I not be, this was exciting stuff, besides I was also trying to get my mind off, so I tried to be patient while Harry got the rings back to their hiding place, staying on the floor next to me after that.

"So?" I asked, I think I had a right to know, we were best friends after all, plus I was one of their best men. Probably Louis' though, Niall was close with both of them but more with Harry since they both still went to college together, they hung out alone as well sometimes.

"Alright. I wanted to ask Louis for quite a long time, I would'v asked you for help actually, I mean, we had talked about it, you know, it would've happened at some point for sure. It's just, I really didn't expect it, remember when we were in Paris?" Niall had been right, wow. "Well, he proposed to me on the fucking Eiffel Tower, it rained, but that was fine, less people outside, plus my tears weren't that noticeable. Also, we told our families only a week ago. They were fucking pissed, but they're pleased now I think, I mean, we know what we are doing, we've been together for like eight years now and we live together too, so."

"So you decided to torture me a little more and leave it to me to wonder when it'll happen? I was scared you'd never do it." And now it was only a month, this was insane. "Have you planned out the whole thing yet, wouldn't surprise me anymore."

"Not all of it, but mostly. It's only four weeks left, Li, what do you expect us to do, wait until last minute?" Actually no, because I knew that if I were in any of their position, I would've gone through all of it four times already to make sure it'd all work out.

"I have to go suit fitting with Niall now, thanks to you." We both laughed at this, Niall hated dressing nice, but I didn't mind too much, we'd get to spend time together, there wasn't even a possibility that I could hate it. "You should probably also make sure there's food there or he'll freak out."

"I actually did think about this already, well, we did. And also that Niall will get a slap this time if he flirts with any of our cousins again. Or my mum. Or my sister. Or just anyone." This sounded as if Niall was a really bad person, he wasn't, he was just flirty, not like he'd do anything or so, no, Niall was actually the sweetest person alive, he just liked to have a laugh. "Also, you can bring someone."

"Yeah, thanks, I won't." My laugh got stuck in my throat, I tried hard to watch the bed in front of me instead of meeting Harry's eyes.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking… I mean, Niall won't bring anyone either, you are just coming together sort of." Like always, I mentally noted, but nodded anyway, it'd probably end like right now, only without Harry to keep me company probably. I hated being bothered by this.

"Yeah…I'm really happy for you, you know. Even if I knew from day one that you two would last." I really did, they hardly ever fought or anything, deep down I was a little jealous like, how come they worked out so well, from when they had met at such a young age up to now talking about marriage.

"I'm really glad I told you that day, it got us really close. All of us, like, imagine we would've lost touch, imagine me and Louis would've never even met Niall because of you. My life would be so boring without constantly getting texts in important lectures." The last part clearly was sarcasm, he meant it anyway, all of it, I knew because I felt the same, I was so lucky to have the three of them.

The only reason why I didn't answer was because my throat felt too tight, I didn't wanna cry again, Harry probably noticed, he simply put his head onto my shoulder, staying like this for quite a while, neither of us saying a word until Louis suddenly appeared in the doorframe, his face got softer as he saw us. "There you guys are." 

"Liam had questions, I figured I didn't wanna tell him downstairs. Besides, he's never been upstairs before." I didn't even tense up, even if we were this close and they were kinda getting married, Louis knew we'd never do anything, he actually just smiled at us, letting himself fall backwards onto the bed.

"Yeah, there's hell down there. I'm tired already, we should't have made such a big thing out of it." One thing we all agreed on. "By the way, Niall's at his fourth glass, I wanted to take it away from him but I kinda lost him, we gotta watch out, he's happier here than I'd like him to be."

"I'll go check in a while, I'll just enjoy the silence for a bit before my head will burst." They laughed at me as I groaned, but I meant it, I wasn't used to stuff like this and knowing Niall was running danger in doing something dumb was causing me extra headache.

After twenty minutes I couldn't ignore the feeling in the pit of my stomach anymore, so I warned Harry before I stood up, but he actually stretched his arm out towards me so I'd help him get to his feet, falling into bed right next to Louis after that.

"You want me to close the door?" They weren't doing anything, just lying next to each other, I still was at the door faster than I had planned.

"No, it's fine. If Niall's really bad there's a guest room up here two doors down the hall, we'll be down in a sec." The yaw Louis was interrupted with made me doubt his words, however I just nodded, making sure to get back down the stairs and see what Niall had been up to while I had been gone for god knows how long, maybe longer than half an hour.

When I got back to the kitchen, there seemed to be even more people than before, I tried to not look at anyone directly, just so no one would think of starting a conversation with me, everyone seemed a little more tipsy than before as well, my only mission was to find Niall. Somehow it wouldn't be too bad if he was really wasted, it'd be easier to make him listen to me this way.

For a bit, I searched without any luck, which caused me to panic slightly, there were only so many rooms I could look in after all, I already thought I'd have to go outside to search for him when someone suddenly held my arm, pulling me into the empty restroom, out of everyone's sight.

"Heeey, handsome." This sounded like more than four glasses. 

"Niall, are you okay?" After I freed myself from his grip, he just laughed loudly, his face was red, the hair a little messy and he seemed way too amused by my worried face. 

"Yeeeeaaah. I'm okaaaay, LiLiii." Fuck.

"Hey, come here, okay? How much did you drink?" Great, I was such an idiot, thinking I'd just disappear for a little while.

"Not more than ummm… what?" He blinked, still giggling as I pulled him closer, holding onto his upper arm to keep him steady and brushing some hair out of his forehead, it was slightly sticky.

"Never mind. I think you had enough drinks for tonight, alright?" I expected heavy protest but he just shook his head at me, I was scared he'd fall over any second, it looked like it.

"You're so fucking hot, Li, did anyone ever tell you that, look at yourself." Alright, we were at level five now, I got it labeled, the last one, seven, would be trying to get me into bed. Again.

"Yeah, you're not bad yourself, Ni. Do you wanna lie down?" His eyes got even more sparklier at this, making me want to slap myself for knowing what he was thinking. "I mean to rest a little."

"Whyyy? I'm fineeee." He slurred into my ear, we were so close as he took a step, I think I could smell everything he had had before, also he was like radiating heat or something, my skin felt burning hot after he breathed against it.

"You're not, Ni, you're fucking wasted, didn't you tell me you wanted to cut back today?" Words like this didn't help anymore, I put my hands down to grab his waist, trying to think of a good way to get him upstairs, I could've called Louis and Harry, but I didn't wanna disturb, besides I should be able to handle Niall myself.

"Ooops." The following laugh made me sigh deeply, this wasn't good at all, also not his hands roaming over my chest, I decided to leave it, at least they were on my shirt, not under it.

"Niall…you promised." It wouldn't help, his face just fell a little bit, I guess because of the change in my voice, he hugged me, falling heavily against me so I'd have to hold him really tight, maybe that had been the plan.

"Sorry…" When I felt his head on my shoulder, I thought that maybe, just maybe, he was done now with this act, so I rubbed his back softly, trying to think of what to do now, maybe I should've just carried him out into the car but if he resisted a lot I'd-

"Stop. Niall, stop. Now." While I had been caught up in thoughts, I felt something really hot against my bare neck, moving upwards a little, it was only when there was something else as well I realized he was giving me wet kisses, his tongue darting out sometimes. Now I was the one feeling hot. Before I could pull him away, he bit into my neck, making me gasp in pain and let go immediately, it's not that he had bitten down so hard, it was just the fact that I had been pulling. "Shit, stop."

"Did it hurt?" He mumbled against my neck, kissing the spot again, I forgot to get rid of him, just glad that the pain was becoming less while Niall just continued, hands dangerously close to sliding underneath my shirt. "You're mine. All mine."

"If I say yes will you stop biting and licking me?" There'd be a big spot on my neck tomorrow, thank god it was the weekend.

"Only if…" I bumped back against the wall as he licked the same spot again, I needed my hands to hold his wrists and he wasn't so weak after all. This was giving me goose bumps, I didn't know why but it did.

"Only if what?" At this point I would've agreed to anything, this shouldn't be happening, it wasn't the first time, but what I hated the most was not Niall having fun with my neck, it was that I didn't remotely do enough to stop him. I could've, if I had wanted to, I knew I did, but I still waited until he leaned away, eyes flattering down to my lips.

"Only if you kiss me." Right, this is where I had to draw a line, we had kissed once, for half a second, four years ago, but I usually always managed to make him stop somehow when he tried to while he was wasted.

"I won't, Ni, I'm sorry, look, we'll go upstairs and lie down, I promise you I'll think about it." Of course not, but he just leaned forward again, continuing with the open mouth kisses over my already sore skin until I grabbed hold of his wrists again, pushing him back so he was forced to stop.

"No. Now." His voice sounded too firm, if I wouldn't have seen his face I would've thought he was actually sober, but he clearly wasn't, it was still hard to hold his wrists, we were pressed together against the wall, Niall's breath hit my chin. "Just one. No one will know, I swear."

"I said no." There was a strange urge to just lean forward and do it, just so I'd make this stop of course, he managed to free one of his hands, not doing what I thought he would do but bringing it up to my face instead, I froze as he stroked down my cheek with the back of his fingers, eyes going kinda dreamy.

"You're beautiful." This made me lose track completely, the last thing I would've expected Niall to say in a situation like this was beautiful, and according to me, I wanted to respond, or take his hand again as he grabbed my chin gently, freeing his other hand as well from my limp grip and rubbing my waist instead. 

"Niall…" I should've told him to stop, push him off or do something, _anything_ , but I stood there, looking into his eyes as he got onto his tip toes a little, pulling my face closer to his. 

"Just one…" He mumbled, his breath hit my lips now, I can't deny that I panicked, my brain just turned off, I couldn't have moved any part of my body if I had wanted to, only thing I knew was Niall's hand moving to the nap of my neck, lips getting closer slowly, it probably went faster than I realized, I was just so completely not myself, I couldn't even hear or feel anything anymore besides our too heavy breathing and the hammering in my chest.

And then Niall just closed the gap.

 

————

 

When Niall's lips met mine, I couldn't help thinking that they were really as soft as they looked like, not that I stared at his lips on a daily basis, I just noticed it. He tried moving them slowly, as I didn't respond, he kissed me even harder, holding me close with his hand on the back of my neck. I should've already pulled away by now, but when I felt his tongue on my lower lip, I was still just standing there, not being able to believe it. Everything went by a lot faster than it felt like, somehow Niall made me open up my mouth so he could lick inside, making me kiss back a little automatically, he tasted like alcohol, but also a bit like strawberries. It was when our tongues met that I felt as if I had gotten some electric shock or something.

Somehow I managed to move my hand and take his away from my neck, pushing him away after that, with all of the strength I could manage, it was enough to bring some distance between us, probably only because there was hardly any resistance. He had gotten what he had wanted. "Wow."

"We have to leave." Was all I managed to choke out, automatically licking over my spit slicked lips, I couldn't believe Niall's had been there just seconds before.

"Why?" Yeah, why? Not like that could've made anything undone.

"It's… it's late and you're drunk." Actually I had no idea how late it was, I was busy trying to figure out why my lips were tingling, Niall was luckily keeping distance now, well, with distance I mean he wasn't kissing me anymore, we were still standing way too close.

"'m not thaaat drunk…" Oh yes, he was, my only hope was that tomorrow at least Niall would've forgotten all of it. 

"No discussion, I'll get Louis and Harry if you don't do what I say, you got your kiss, now come on." I tried to sound harsh, but it made Niall flinch immediately, he suddenly looked close to tears, fuck, now I was an asshole as well. "I… I didn't mean it, I just…"

My loss of words went by unnoticed as Niall wrapped his arms around me, for real this time, it was just a simple hug, pretty tight, but nothing more so I put my arms around him in return as well, ignoring how sweaty he was or the smell of alcohol filling my nose, all that my mind was revolving around was that bloody kiss. "Don't be mad, Li…please…just wanted to know how it feels."

"How did it feel?" Literally no question in the world could've been dumber than this, but I just held onto him, not watching my words, we had crossed that last boundary, what could I have done wrong now?

"Amazing." I wouldn't see that as a compliment now.

"Niall… why'd you wanna kiss me?" Because he was drunk, that'd be the most simple answer, however he never did something like this to anyone but me, also, he must have some explanation at least for now.

"I told you alreadyyy….I've been wondering and… you're sooo fit, Li…" He probably even meant it right now, I had no idea what to think, it couldn't be undone now and it's not like it was such a big deal after all, my only problem was that I couldn't stop thinking about how his lips had felt against mine.

"Alright, you're getting weird. Can we drive home? If you agree now you get the bed tonight and I'll sleep on the couch, how does that sound?" There was a great chance we'd end up somewhere together tomorrow, Niall needed cuddles after wanting me to strip down, it was weird, at least we had jumped the emotional and crying phase.

"But I…but I wanna snuggle…" There we go.

"We can snuggle at home? I'll make you something to eat as well." Food usually worked magic, so I just tried it, Niall was holding me so tightly I thought he'd never agree to let go again, but he did somehow, rubbing both of his eyes now, leaving him to look a lot younger than he actually was. If I had ever been mad about the kiss, I for sure wasn't anymore. "Come on, I'll hold you, you won't slip."

"Hmmm…" Niall wanted nothing than being held by me obviously, it was a little frustrating really, how he'd go from flirty to all cuddly and sweet, but I still couldn't stop myself from going all soft inside as he tried to snuggle close immediately after I tried to gently make him turn towards the door, giving him a kiss on his forehead instead.

"The sooner we leave the sooner we'll be home." It didn't seem to motivate him really, so I wrapped an arm around his waist, forcing him to come along even if he groaned a lot, leaning into me with all of his weight.

"Liam! What happened, is he okay?" Somehow Louis and Harry had managed to spot us, I felt myself turn a deep red color immediately, which was stupid, Niall seemed half dead in my arms and there was no way anyone could've seen us kissing, I was just giving myself away with blushing.

"He's fine… just bloody wasted. I gotta get him home and to bed." While we talked, Niall used the chance to hug me properly again, making Harry and Louis grin at each other knowingly, they had been victim of cuddly, drunk Niall as well, not the flirty one though, he seemed to safe that for me.

"But before we'll snuggle, right?" Niall sounded like a child, which made everything even harder, it was impossible to be anything but caring and loving when he was like this.

"Yeah, we'll snuggle all night if we go to the car now." I tried pulling him away a little, so we'd be able to at least get to the door, it was pretty hard actually, I was half carrying him as well while Louis and Harry couldn't decide whether to help me or to laugh, but Louis opened the door for me while Niall whined into my neck that I didn't love him enough because he hadn't gotten a hug in five minutes.

"Wait… I'll get you a bag or something quickly, your car has been through enough already." Harry disappeared after rubbing Niall's back a little, trying to calm him because I probably looked a bit stressed out. 

"You know the good thing about this is that Niall is the only one who got this wasted, no one would've fallen for his flirting now." No one. Just me. But Louis didn't have to know that, the tingles left were bad enough.

"Leeyum… can I have a kiss?" He luckily didn't mean on the mouth, because as I pressed my lips to his sticky forehead while Louis smirked in the background, Niall seemed pretty pleased before putting his head back on my shoulder. "Love you."

"Love you too, Ni." I did, but it was still a little stressful at times, which didn't keep me from wrapping my arms around him, trying not to make a sound because of his grip being so tight.

"Love you moooreee." This made Louis laugh at loud, however Niall wasn't even grinning, he just pressed his face tighter into my neck, into the spot that he had kissed before. Well, it had been a bit more extreme than kisses. God, why the hell couldn't I just forget it. "I want another kiss."

"Ni, how about you get as many kisses as you want if you keep quiet for a little bit now?" It wasn't really Niall himself annoying me, just, I got a headache and he was constantly tearing on my arm while Louis tried not to laugh and people walking by gave us strange looks and where the hell had Harry even gone how hard was it to find a bag.

"Are you mad at me?! I'm sorry, LiLi, I didn't mean it, sorry, do you still love me?" Alright, wrong answer, his face had gotten all sad, he was pushing his bottom lip back, immediately causing me to give in and press another kiss onto his forehead, rubbing his back a little while his fingers clenched into my shirt. 

"Of course, I do. A lot, okay?" I just couldn't deal with him thinking I didn't love him because I really did, even if he was drunk now and wouldn't remember tomorrow, if he started crying it would still tear me apart inside.

"A lot like jelly tots?" This time I managed a smile.

"Yeah. Like jelly tots. Let's go sit in the car, okay?" He was getting heavy now besides I discovered that if I pressed my lips onto random parts of his face he remained smily and did everything I wanted him to do.

Louis helped me to get Niall in the back seat and get the seatbelt on, he complained because he wanted to sit in the passenger seat, but I knew what I was doing, I also didn't let him sit behind the driver's seat, if he reached forward into the wheel I would kill us. "Do you need one of us to come and watch him in the car?"

"No, it's fine, I'll get him something to drink so he'll be busy or something." Like taking a kid on a long car ride, Niall really acted like it now, while we waited for Harry, I had to keep the door of my car open so Niall could hold my hand, complaining that the seat belt was too tight however he also had no idea how to open it, so I squeezed his hand gently to get his attention back. "You want a milkshake, Ni? I'll stop at McDonald's just to get you one, okay? Just for you, babe."

"Yeeeah… can I have chocolate?" I must admit, this was really cute, when he wasn't trying to push his tongue down my throat or rip my clothes and arms off, it was actually adorable to see his eyes sparkle because of such small thing, or maybe that was the alcohol.

"You can have anything you want, okay? And then we'll go home and cuddle all you want if you keep this seat belt on for me, can you do that?" Maybe it was because I remembered how it had been like when he had been only eleven years old, but I found it easy to talk with him like that when he was drunk. 

"I'm still not sure this is such a good idea…" Louis mumbled next to me while Niall nodded excitedly at me, still holding my hand tightly.

"I got experience, trust me." I kept my voice low so Niall wouldn't hear before leaning down to kiss the top of his head once more because I saw Harry coming back, a little stressed out.

"Sorry it took so long, everyone wanted to talk to me, here you go. Text us when you get home, okay?" We all hugged, under Niall's protest, so Louis and Harry had to half lean into the car so he'd get his cuddles as well, at least he understood that the plastic bag wasn't for putting it over his head after I told him twice.

As I walked around the car, already opening the door of the driver's side, Louis suddenly threw a closer look at me. "What's that on your neck?"

Shit. I decided to waste a little time, sitting down before clearing my throat a little, trying to find an excuse as to why my throat looked like someone had bitten into it. "I umm… I scratched myself, you know, it's-"

"I gave him a-"

"We have to go now, bye guys, love you." Before Niall could blurt it out, I cut him off and pulled the door closed, leaving Louis and Harry behind with very confused expressions.

"…a love bite." Niall finished while I put my own seatbelt on, hurrying to wave at our friends before starting the car.

"Ni, didn't we say we wouldn't tell anybody?" It was hard to concentrate since I felt the constant urge to look into the mirror and check for Niall, making sure he was't suffocating or strangling himself back there.

"We said the kiss but not the other stuff." Right.

"Yeah, okay, but let's keep this all to ourselves, alright? It's our secret." Really, I couldn't need anybody knowing about this, they'd ask questions I didn't have an answer to, hopefully Niall would wake up tomorrow with zero memories.

"Our secret." He confirmed, staying quiet for approximately two seconds. "You know, Liii… this girl was reeealllyyy, reeealllyy annoying and she wanted to kiss me but I told her I'd rather snog you."

"Oh… who?" Great, first he made jokes about proposing to me now he was running around telling people that he wanted to snog me, people would think we were dating or something.

"Something with… or nooo… but I liked kissing you, LiLi. We should do it again sometime." Please, make him forget this.

"Sometime." No idea why I agreed, but it got Niall happy and summing some song that I didn't recognize, it was probably just some mashup of a melody that didn't even exist.

"Let's play a game. I say an animal and you have to say another one with the last letter, okay? Dolphin." Wow, the last time we had played this had been so long ago, it made me laugh actually, because Niall sounded serious about this as if he thought it was a good idea to play this game now.

"Ummm… I… I don't know an animal with N, sorry. Can you choose another?" Was there even an animal with N? I hated this game, even more when I was the one driving.

"If you don't know an animal then I win. Let's play again, I start. Lion." Please.

"Niall, that ends with N as well, I don't-"

"I win again, wow you're sooo bad at this, LiLi." I wasn't sure if I should laugh or be worried by Niall's bright laugh, he genuinely believed that winning this game when I had not even said one word was an achievement. 

"Or maybe you're just too good for me, Ni. Do you still want a milkshake?" Better ask before he'd spill it all over my backseat.

"Yes! I love you, thank you." Throwing a look back, he was smiling now, playing with his fingers, which seemed to fascinate him a tad too much.

"You're welcome." Especially if it cheered him up like this, I really wanted to go home but I guess I could bear this little stop to keep my promise.

"I love you." He just repeated himself, showing his teeth while grinning at me.

Niall was actually really busy after I bought him the milkshake, I told him not to spill it or I'd be really, really mad (actually I wouldn't be), but he promised me with big eyes that he'd be careful so I guess I had to believe him. In the end, half of the milkshake was still there when we got back home, all he had done was take a few sips and play with the straw, giggling unexpectedly over nothing at all, but it was cute nevertheless.

"I wanna take a shower, Li, it's too hot…" No matter how many times I told him that he wasn't allowed to since he'd slip and I didn't really want to shower with him, Niall just kept asking as soon as we had reached my flat.

"I'm sorry, babe, but I have an idea. Let's go to the bathroom, okay?" Taking off his shoes had been another challenge that I had managed without getting my fingers squished under his foot, but now he also wanted to take his shirt off, whining again that it was too warm. "You can take it off in a bit, I'll help you, but sit down here for now, alright? Trust me, it'll get better in a sec."

Niall obeyed, holding onto my hand as I made him sit him on the floor in front of the bathtub. "What are we doing, I want you to sit down as well, Li."

"One second." He stayed on the floor luckily, I didn't want him to try and get up and hit his head on something, this was not called being overprotective, I was being careful and I knew what to watch out for. Sadly.

After I had wetted a towel, I got down in front of Niall, keeping his head gently in place while he was still too confused to react to it. After I rubbed the towel over his heated forehead slowly, he immediately got a little calmer, not trying to move away. 

"Okay?" Just making sure, it obviously was okay since he half closed his eyes when I moved to his cheeks, trying to help him cool down and maybe make up for the shower he wasn't allowed to take.

"Mhmm…" That was pretty clear.

I continued for a bit, drying his hair a little as well with the side of the towel that wasn't wet, making sure he'd feel cleaner again afterwards, I also let him hold his arms under cold water from the sink, only with my arm around his stomach because he couldn't stand by himself anymore, or at least I didn't wanna risk letting him try. Niall also had to pee, which brought me into a really uncomfortable situation, in the end I promised him french toast for tomorrow morning, since he wasn't hungry anymore now, if he sat down on the toilet and managed everything himself. It took him fifteen minutes but at least there was no need for me to help.

When we finally got to my room, it was like midnight, we both were terribly tired, me because of how exhausting this whole week had been and Niall because of obvious reasons, he even got stuck with his shirt. "I could sleep naked."

"No, you can't. Come here, I'll help you take those off and you'll sleep in boxer shorts." Just imagine him sleeping in my room fucking nude, because I didn't even want to think about the next morning.

"You gonna stay here, right? You promised we'd cuddle and I didn't spill the milkshake, not even a little bit." I still had to think this through but Niall sounded really desperate for me to stay, he kept holding onto me, even as I made him lie down, trying to untangle the blanket so I could tug him in.

"Yeah, I'll stay, I just have to change my clothes, okay? You can close your eyes a little meanwhile, I'll only take five minutes." Looking down now after pulling the blanket up, he looked incredibly sleepy but also a bit sad about me leaving, he wouldn't even try and fall asleep, I just knew because that was just Niall, he'd stay up as long as it would take for him to get what he wanted. 

"Kiss?" I chose both his cheeks this time.

Like predicted, he babbled on the whole time I changed into a different shirt and sweatpants, I didn't wanna sleep shirtless when Niall would most likely be half on top of me in a few seconds, not that I was somehow grossed out or felt uncomfortable, I just thought that I still had the freaking kiss to figure out and the fucking love bite on my neck before, because damn, why was I even thinking about this again? It was all fine, drunk kisses happened, right? We were best friends, we had seen each other naked at some point, like, Niall had probably had six drinks, he always got like that, I should've known better. And maybe not let him go ahead. And kiss back. A little. 

After I had gotten the spare pillow and blanket from my closet and turned the lights off, it was harder than expected to find back into my bed, Niall giggled as I cursed into the darkness about stumping my toe, he had his arms wrapped around my left one before I could even fully get down, pulling himself closer.

"If you wait one second, I'll-"

"No." Alright then.

It was harder like this, I also quickly had to realize that Niall was not having any of the separate blankets, he wiggled around as much as it took to get me to cooperate and let him press into my side, using my chest as a pillow, that's when he finally stayed still. "Are you okay now?"

"Yeah… you're warm. And really, really comfortable. We have to cuddle more often." He turned his head for a second to press a kiss onto my shirt that I hardly felt, I was just keeping my arms around him and hoping his feet would get warmer since I felt them against my legs, giving me goosebumps. "And kiss. Or snog. Whichever you prefer. Maybe both in that order."

"You're so fucking drunk." Unfortunately, I was not, and I would live with the memories, on the other hand, if I were drunk as well I didn't wanna know what we'd be doing right now. "And you smell like vodka, I knew you wouldn't stick to the lighter stuff."

"But it was a good kiss, wasn't it? Better than the first." Wait.

"You remember that?" Even in THIS condition? There was no way he wasn't drunk, I could hear it in his voice, I could fucking smell it but there was no doubt that he had really said that.

"Yeh. I'm better at it now. I could show you how m-"

"We should go to sleep now, Ni. You need to get sober again and I'll make you breakfast in the morning, remember?" Hopefully right this time, last time I had nearly burned down my kitchen.

"If we're both best men, are you gonna have a drink with me then?" Why was this so important, like, he seemed to have a lot of fun by himself and with strangers he simply treated like friends.

"If I do, will you sleep now?" This was the wrong question, because that's exactly what had lead to tonight's incident, I tightened my arms around him, hoping to make him stay down.

"Only if you promise. Pinky promise." Believe it or not, he found my hand in the dark, letting me pinky promise before lacing our fingers together and letting out a sigh. "I love you, Li."

"Love you too. In case you have to throw up, please turn around." I had forgotten to get a bucket or something, but I was too tired now to get up, my cheek was resting on Niall's head and I kinda learned to appreciate lying like this again after quite a while, we used to do this every single night, I had missed it somehow, Niall was so easy to share a bed with, he fitted into my side, our hands fitted as well, everything did. Even the fucking kiss hadn't felt wrong or uncomfortable.

And that was pretty scary.

 

———

 

Niall kicking my stomach with his elbow nearly made me fall out of bed, the room was too light for it to still be night, I had forgotten to shut the blinds over all the stuff happening. 

Propping myself up on my arms a little, I saw Niall clearly tangled up with the blanket, his face was buried in a pillow, goose bumps all over his bare back from sleeping almost naked without anything to cover up for god knows how long. Hours, I assume, ever since after we had gotten back from the bathroom where he had thrown up for twenty minutes at three am, leaving me to carry him back since he had almost passed out on the bathroom floor after crying into my shoulder about how he felt as if he had to die.

Because of this, and also because I generally was really worried about him, I didn't check the clock before getting up, not trying to make Niall let go of the blanket, that'd only wake him, I just threw the second one over his shivering figure, running my fingers through his hair tenderly before quickly leaving the room, as quiet as possible.

There was no doubt that Niall would be hungover as shit, I didn't even think before getting a glass of water and some pills I actually had only used for this purpose so far, walking back slowly to see Niall in the same position as before.

For a second I contemplated waking him up to take the pills now, instead I put them on the bedside table, finding some old paper and pen to quickly leave a note saying I'd be back in no time, I just had to go to the store quickly.

Before I actually did that, I took a shower and brushed my teeth, something I hadn't been able to do last night even though I desperately had wanted to but Niall had needed me by his side at all times so of course I'd put his needs in front of mine.

The bad thing about being alone was having time to think, I really didn't want to, because there was actually nothing there to really figure out. My love bite had faded, if Niall asked today I'd tell him it was a mosquito bite, just in case he didn't remember anything anymore, I'd be the last person to tell him what had happened and there was no one else who knew, so.

My only problem actually wasn't Niall being like he always was after drinking, it had been my reaction towards all of it that made me think, I could've pushed him back at any times, I could've not kissed back this tiny moment, so why. Maybe because he could've gotten hurt, yeah, that was a pretty good reason, I was still stronger, he could've fallen back and hit his head, also, I hadn't really been thinking during the kiss, I had just been glad I had found Niall since I had been worrying for so long about who he'd end up snogging. Maybe it was good it had been me, at least now no one would ever find out.

As I got back home, I decided to go check on Niall again, I had been gone for like forty minutes after all. He was on my side of the bed now, curled up in the blanket and with open eyes, meeting mine as I appeared in the doorframe. "Good morning, lazy bum, it's two pm. How are you feeling?"

"Is there anything worse than feeling like someones putting nails into your head, because if not that's how I feel." His voice sounded scratchy, but he still returned my smile weakly as I came closer to the bed, getting a better sight on his pale face and watery eyes. "Thanks for the note." 

"No problem… you didn't take the pill?" It was still there, I reached out for it after sitting down on the edge very close to Niall, he seemed incapable of moving just a tiny bit.

"It seemed exhausting to sit up just so I could drink and then I thought about swallowing it dry but I didn't wanna suffocate and have you explain this to the police." It was nice to know that his humor was still there, even if I knew that he didn't feel like joking at all now, he sounded just as terrible as he looked.

"A wise decision. Come on, I'll help you, okay? It'll get better once you've taken it." When I leaned over him slightly, getting one hand under the blanket, he groaned a little but going with it as I got my arm around him, sitting up a little with my support, I kept my arm where it was, just in case. "Open up."

Niall just obeyed, waiting until I put the glass of water to his lips since he needed both his hands to support himself or otherwise he'd have to fully sit up which he didn't manage to do. After the first sip, he choked really badly, I immediately put the glass down, patting his back now softly as he coughed, leaning into my side. "Sorry…"

"It's fine, Ni. Did you swallow it?" There was a small nod, he sniffed a little, the coughing had caused him to tear up, I pressed a kiss to the side of his head, continuing to caress his back. "Want some more?"

"Yeah… I can do it by myself, I guess." Sounded like a good idea, maybe it had been my fault that he had choked, even if I had done this million times before whenever he had been sick, but still.

This time everything went smoothly, Niall cuddled back into my side afterwards, the blanket still covering his lower half. I actually wished it would've covered him up completely because he had been so cold before and now the only thing keeping him warm was me. "Do you wanna take a shower to warm up? You'll feel better after you had one, I did too. I'll even get you some clothes out, okay? And when you're done we'll have breakfast."

"Well… I don't actually want to but I gotta brush my teeth as well. Tastes like some animal died in there or so…" No wonder after the throwing up, I still felt bad for him, I hated seeing him like this even if it had been his own fault, but I'd still do everything to make him feel better. "I'll never get up if I don't do it now."

"Come on then." I softly pulled away from him, standing up and holding both my hands towards him, he took them, slowly, groaning a lot after getting to his feet, at least he was able to stand straight again, rubbing his hands over his face after letting go of me. "Off you go, Ni. I'll… put some clothes on the bed, okay?"

"Can you just put them into the bathroom, your shower isn't see through anyway." That was true however… my stomach kinda dropped a little. Wow, I must be hungry or something, yeah…

"Sure. You still want french toast, yeah?" The only thing I could make anyway, but Niall returned my smile, touching my arm for a second.

"Yeah. Thanks, Li." He had his fingers massaging his temples as soon as he walked out of my room, the more or less happy face had probably fallen by now, that idea got me even more motivated to make everything as comfortable for him as possible after that… night.

I could've gone through Niall's clothes, I had enough of those here, but I kinda remembered the one hoodie he always wanted to borrow that was my favorite as well, we had kinda had a fight over it, well actually not, it had lasted for five minutes and ended with us cuddling on the couch, so I chose that one and some sweatpants that I didn't know who they belonged to.

Before going into the bathroom, I had to stop for a second, for no reason, really, this was no big deal at all, he was just in the shower. Naked. Whatever, like, he was completely right, the shower wasn't see through, not that I would've looked either way, that'd be just sick, Niall was my little brother and I was looking after him. Even if we had kissed.

Still, I tried to be extra quick, Niall yelled a "Thank you!" from inside the shower that I simply ignored, closing the door again behind me, which was pretty unnecessary seeing as no one else was here besides us and I'd be busy anyway.

The whole time while making breakfast I tried to think about nothing, I just wanted to make this good for Niall, he always got the worst hangovers, which unfortunately didn't stop him from doing it again. And again. But I still got up earlier in the morning to put pills beside the bed and make him something to eat, every time, and it didn't even bother me one bit.

"Smells good, Payno." His voice made me flinch a little, I turned around to see Niall drop onto one of the chairs, he looked even more tired than before, which probably was because of the too big clothes and the damp hair, I liked when it was flat like this, not that it didn't look good when he styled it, because it did, just saying.

"I'll be done in a minute. How are you feeling, better now?" Hopefully, I wanted to check on him again, but I also had to focus on the food.

"I guess. At least I don't feel as if I haven't washed in a week anymore. And I think I can talk to people again without them wanting to vomit because of my breath. I'd say those are improvements." He laughed shortly, it sounded a little forced and all I could hear was that he didn't feel a lot better at all. "I mean… I could take one more pill, maybe then I'd be completely healed again."

"Just one every two hours, Nialler, sorry. Got a headache?" I had to go over more than one time to get everything on the table, but I put Niall's plate in front of him first, keeping my hands on his shoulders afterwards, kissing the back of his head. 

"Nah, I'm good. Just got a little stinging, I'm gonna be fine once I've transferred all THIS into my system." As I was about to step away, not sure if I should smile over his fake excitement, he leaned his head back, grinning at me with his teeth showing and I could imagine that he still felt like shit but he pretended not to for me so I pulled myself together, smiling back and stroking his cheek a little before stepping away to get everything else.

"Eat slowly, there's plenty. I can always make more." Gladly, for him, especially now after he was being so dorky and playful all of a sudden, no idea where this came from, I had expected a grumpy mood actually, so this was a positive surprise.

As I sat down opposite of him after getting his hot chocolate and my stuff, Niall was almost halfway through, smiling at me with a full mouth. 

"I take it as in I've done a good job?" He just shrugged, laughing after I pretended to be mad about that.

"You've outdone yourself." Well, that sounded better. "So…"

"So?" The change in his voice made me swallow hard, I quickly took a sip of my coffee to win some time, but Niall was suddenly looking at his food, playing around with the fork.

"What happened last night?" Did this mean he didn't know anymore? Or was he just pretending not to?

"You forgot?" But if he had why was he being so quiet all of a sudden, I didn't wanna look at him anymore, I was suddenly painfully aware of my shirt not covering up the red mark.

"Well… I remember getting there and Louis and Harry telling us they'd get married, also having a few pints afterwards. Somewhere in between it gets… kinda blurry, I mean… I'm not sure if I remember everything correctly…" Right now, I even thought about lying, or maybe just leaving out half the truth, it's not that we couldn't talk about stuff like this, it's just that I didn't feel comfortable with it since I wasn't even done getting over it myself.

"I went upstairs with Harry for a while, he told me about how they got engaged and stuff… when I came back you were kinda, well… completely shitfaced and affectionate as usual, I had to buy you a milkshake so you'd behave in the car." My laugh quickly died down as Niall didn't join, he could obviously sense that I had just left all the details out.

"Did I do anything? You know, like… weird stuff or something? I mean… I know I went a little too far and I wanted to apologize, I know what I promised, I just… I was so excited because of the wedding, but that's not an excuse. Sorry you have to deal with me being drunk all the time…" It really did sound extremely guilty, I felt myself soften a little, reaching out to put my hand over his for a second.

"It's fine, I know it was because of Louis and Harry, you haven't been like this in a while so there's nothing to apologize for. I don't mind taking care of you, you're actually really cuddly when you're drunk, so." And horny, too.

"Thanks, Li…" He turned his hand to give mine a squeeze before pulling it off of the table, chewing on his lip a bit, taking a breath. "So did I?"

"What?" I knew what he meant, I was just pretending to be focused on breakfast, but by now it was probably clear that I was hiding something from him, I was just too bad at keeping stuff from Niall, he read me like an open book.

"Do something." Would he notice if I acted like I had to scratch my neck and cover it up?

"Why would you think that?" My hopes that he'd drop it were crushed as he moved around uncomfortably, trying to look everywhere but into my face.

"You've gotten all quiet, right after I brought it up. So what happened?" He had a right to know, sure, it's just, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to say it.

"It wasn't important, it was nothing, I-"

"Tell me, you're scaring me now. What did I do? Did I take my clothes off or something?" It sounded like a joke but it probably hadn't been intended to be one since Niall seemed seriously scared he had stripped off in front of these people, at least now I knew that he really had no idea.

"You didn't take your clothes off… it was just nothing, we were alone anyway, you were a little clingy, that's all." Clingy was a good way to put it.

For a bit, Niall didn't answer, I tried to continue my breakfast as if nothing had happened, which was hard because I felt like puking, even more when I suddenly heard a tiny gasp. "What's on your neck?"

Automatically, I covered the spot up with my hand, my heart speed increasing drastically. "I umm… cut myself while shaving."

"You haven't even shaved." Right, that plan lacked of proof. "One second… did _I_ do this?!" 

"Well, I mean… it's no big deal, it's just a sm-"

"Oh my god, I DID?! I'm so sorry, Li, oh god, what else did I do, I shouldn't have, please don't be grossed out with me now, I swear whatever I've done, I can't remember it, I was drunk as hell. I'm so sorry. What else? Did we… you know…?" Oh god.

"No! God, no, I'd never… not when you're drunk… I-I mean especially not when you're drunk, not that I'd do it when you're sober. I'm talking shit sorry, but no, we didn't ummm…." Had I just implied that I'd have sex with him if he wasn't drunk? I really needed to start and learn to express myself better, I couldn't even fully say it without feeling my face getting hotter and hotter, eyes fixed on the table.

"Did we… did we … kiss?" There it was, the only problem, I dropped my fork to the ground out of shock that he had simply guessed it, getting his answer by me not saying one work. "Oh."

"It's fine…" I took too long picking my fork up, I just thought hiding under the table was easier than trying to avoid Niall's eyes, I hated how this morning had turned out.

"Why didn't you stop me?!" That's actually a good fucking question, also the point where the lies started.

"I didn't see it coming. It wasn't even… I mean, I was surprised and it didn't last long. I can hardly remember it." Thinking about it, I could still remember every detail of it, every single breath Niall let out against my skin, every tiny noise he had made meanwhile, how his lips had felt against mine, and his tongue moving in my mouth. 

"Oh god." Niall groaned, burying his face in his hands all of a sudden. "I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry, Liam, I really am. I can't believe you've done all of this for me after I behaved like that, I shouldn't have and I'm sorry I forced myself on you. If you think I'm disgusting, I'd understand."

"What? You're not disgusting, Ni, I told you it's fine and I've almost forgotten about it again, you're my best friend, of course I'll do anything to make you feel better and you've been drunk, I've already forgiven you." Disgusting was not a word to describe something that had been on my mind for too many hours now, I had not even spent one second on thinking that this might've been gross or something. "Let's look at it from the bright side."

" _Bright side_?" He almost choked, but at least our eyes met now, I was really trying to play this cool now, make a joke, break the tension, I don't know, I just wanted the awkwardness to pass.

"You called me handsome and you said you'd rather snog me than the models, that's some compliment." Then I just laughed, I had nothing better to do, besides Niall's face fell even more now, probably at seeing me amused like that, maybe, if nothing else had happened, maybe I truly would've found it funny. Even if the one thing he had said right before kissing me had left much more of an impact on me, sure, he hadn't known what he was even doing or saying but in that moment, it had sounded like he had. "Let's not talk about any of this any longer, okay? No one has seen us, it's like it never happened, deal?"

"Deal…" Niall mumbled, he was pale as fuck now, still shaking his head a little to himself after lowering his eyes again. This didn't seem like forgetting something, I suddenly thought about that maybe HE thought it was disgusting, like, he couldn't remember but the idea of it was maybe enough for him. It shouldn't have, but the possibility did hurt a little.

"So… you wanna hear about how our best friends have made the biggest decision of their lives without telling us?" Any topic was good enough now, but this one seemed the most appropriate, we hadn't really talked about it yet and anyway, Niall was as eager as me to get away from his drunk mistakes.

For the next fifteen minutes or so, everything was a little weird, but then Niall cracked some joke that had both of us laughing way too hard and suddenly everything was fine again. This was how we always handled things, we couldn't stay mad at each other or not talk, it was impossible, I needed Niall too much for that and knowing that the feeling was mutual was probably the best thing in the world. No matter who screwed me over or whatever might happen, I'd always have Niall by my side and that was worth more than worrying over drunk kisses.

 

———

 

Niall stayed sober for a whole week, it shouldn't sound as if it was extraordinary that he didn't drink during the week, but I was more talking about the following weekend where we stayed at my place, doing nothing but laughing about how we had gone suit fitting for the wedding before after Louis had called us, panicking that we might show up in sweatpants or something.

Our old routine was back completely, actually, it had never been gone, I just mean that we never talked about the incident again, Niall slept over every night, crashing on my couch, we had everything planned out, who'd make sure there was dinner depending on who got home sooner and same with breakfast. Usually Niall was the one though, because he was just better at it and I had fixed working hours and was mostly the one who was more exhausted.

On sunday, Niall decided to go back to his dorm for the night, he had a thing on monday morning and it'd be easier if he was just there already instead of risk getting stuck in traffic. "Don't miss me too much." 

"I'll try, it'll be really hard though." I smirked after getting a light punch on the arm for my slight sarcasm. 

"You're not getting rid of me anyway, I'll come back tomorrow. Maybe I'll even show up in one of your classes, who knows, I'd be careful, _Mr. Payne_." He knew how much I hated when he called me the same as my students, which was actually why he had done it, winking at me.

"Get out now, your roommate must be missing you dearly by now." If I were Niall, I would move in with me completely, not that I was that self absorbed, I was just wondering if it really was a good idea that he had to actually pack a bag to stay a night at the place he was actually supposed to live at.

"Who wouldn't." Then he pulled me in for a hug, lingering a little, his lips brushing my cheek. "I'm really starting to like when you don't shave every day."

"Thanks. I'm calling it 'I don't have any time in the morning because there are people living in my flat that get up at six am'." Not that I was really mad because of that, I actually laughed when Niall pouted, rubbing his arm before he pulled it away.

"I was making you breakfast in bed two times this week, you fool." That was true, Niall seemed to feel guilty still, so the first time had been last monday, the second time on thursday, after I had told him the night before that I was being stressed out because of this test my class had tomorrow, I always worried whether they'd be good or not, there was nothing I hated more than giving someone a bad grade and Niall always made sure to tell me that I was probably the only teacher in the whole world feeling like this. 

"You just wanted to nap in my bed." Naps were always the outcome of breakfast in bed, which also led to us nearly oversleeping because it was easy to fall back asleep after eating and Niall squeezing himself next to me so he'd fit under the blanket too.

"That was just a little extra, not the whole reason. And I need to go now, I still have to study." Maybe he had said that because he knew I'd get a little mad, that'd at least explain the cheeky grin.

"You should really try and pass this exam, Ni." I tried not to sound too strict, but as he readjusted the strap of his bag now, one hand on the door handle, I really wished he wouldn't go.

"My studies also include testing how much it will take for people to start telling me I should rather drop out than continue." As I opened my mouth, wanting to give him one hundred reasons why he needed to stay in college, he shut me up with his hand, kissing my cheek for real this time. "See ya tomorrow, babes."

It was unusual for him to call me that, I just rolled my eyes as he giggled, letting go of me to walk out of the door, I hated seeing him leave, I literally started worrying the second he stepped outside even if he still was in my sight. "Take care."

"You too." He waved over his shoulder while I watched him walking down the stairs, I got one last smile before he disappeared around the corner, leaving me leaning against the doorframe like a complete creeper. I hated being alone after we had spent so many days in a row together, my flat was so empty without Niall and I usually found myself buried in work just so I wouldn't turn on the TV and realize that I was the only one laughing at funny commercials, because that made me feel even more pathetic than I already was.

Somehow I really felt like texting Niall now, I even tried to come up with a really good idea so I wouldn't seem too desperate. Actually it wasn't usual for me to think this way, when I wanted to text him, I texted him, but today I walked around in my flat, finding myself cleaning up stuff that wasn't out of place, correcting some students' homework even if I had already done it, I could be glad I didn't accidentally write 'Niall' under every essay instead of a comment. Today was extra hard being alone.

Since the only people I liked hanging out with were Niall, Louis and Harry, I was forced to choose the latter, not that I didn't want to, I just didn't wanna be a bother, they'd be married soon and here I was whining over being alone for one night. Didn't keep me from texting Louis.

The time he took to text back was too easily misinterpreted, I just left my phone in the living room on purpose, making my bed really slowly and pretending that I didn't even want Louis reading my message. Yet I still nearly fell over some of Niall's shoes as the phone vibrated loudly, I reached it in record time.

 

_Louis 7:43 pm_

_you alone? downstairs in 10 mins?_

 

Exactly what I had hoped for, even if it was kinda embarrassing that the only thing I had sent him had been 'Are you guys busy' and they automatically assumed that Niall was gone and I needed someone to hang out with. Which was completely true but I should be worried about being read so easily by everyone.

Instead I agreed, catching myself wishing that ten minutes would pass by faster, this was really getting embarrassing, but I had showered this morning already besides it was just Louis and Harry, what did I care, Louis was a _model_.

In the end, I was downstairs too soon, but as I heard a car coming closer, I pretended that I had just been walking out of the building, staring at my phone a little before looking up, as if I was surprised to see them there already. 

"Perfect timing." Harry commented as I got into the backseat, luckily he couldn't see me blushing at that since I was busy putting on the seatbelt, besides, it was pretty dark already.

"Yeah… thanks for picking me up." Right, I didn't know what they were even picking me up for or where we were going.

"No problem, we were actually in the car already when you texted. Have you seen Wolf of Wall Street yet, because we're gonna watch it now. Actually, I heard it's really good, I suppose you could watch it twice." This made me feel a little bad actually, they had had plans without me and I just bursted in.

"Oh… did I ruin a date or something, I-"

"Li, don't be silly, we've been together for eight years, we've had enough days for ourselves, it's just a movie, we can take your company for a few hours." They laughed at me while I felt myself relaxing, they were right, I should stop worrying so much, if they'd hate spending time with me they wouldn't have asked. "Where's Niall, it's so awfully quiet."

"He left half an hour ago or so, he's got some exam tomorrow." Why was there a lump in my throat as I said that? Maybe because I thought it was too quiet as well, I also felt a little weird by myself, with no one to constantly tap me or lean into me, I only realized how frequently it all happened after Niall was gone.

"Well, but I thought he lived with you? You didn't have a fight, did you?" Immediately, I felt like Harry would break his neck if he leaned back even further, his eyes kinda got wide too, probably because if Niall and me had a fight they were so tiny that no one ever noticed because they only lasted for half an hour or so.

"No, we didn't. He does live with me, but not officially, some stuff is still at his dorm and he's got to study, besides he'd have to get up earlier if he stayed at mine." Maybe I should move. Or make him get all of his stuff into my house and stop paying rent for his dorm.

"Aww, were you lonely? I can't remember the last time we were three instead of four." Me neither and that was tearing me down even more.

"Yeah… well…" What could I have said instead, I missed Niall and it didn't help that everyone was talking about it, I just wanted to change the topic. "So… how is the planning coming along?"

"Pretty good. Even though it's becoming kinda hard to get our mums to stop trying to interfere, we asked Gemma for help and now everyone thinks they have to give us some advice. But we rather do it by ourselves. By the way, would you agree to do a speech? You don't have to of course, but I texted Niall yesterday and he told me he has already started writing one." Right, he had read it to me, making me nervous because if Niall did a speech I kinda had to as well, he promised to help but there was no way to top him or even keep up, he was the best public speaker alive.

"Of course I'll do one, that's not even a question." My fake enthusiasm went by unnoticed because Louis parked the car, which was good because the topic had once again been brought back to Niall and I really started to wonder if they were doing this on purpose. "I hope we won't see kids from school, I hate meeting my students in public places."

"Now that's a motivated teacher." Louis laughed, squeezing my shoulder after locking the car, but he let go again quickly to pull Harry closer. There it was, my official hint that I was the three wheel, as if I hadn't already known, they'd be snogging during the movie, usually it didn't bother me, because… okay, let's not get into this again.

"You don't know what it's like, Lou, it'd be fine if they just said hello to me, but they all wanna do small talk and I have no idea why, I hated talking to our teachers, this is insane. And then the next day, they bring it up during class just so we have to talk again. Why?" Actually I was close to pulling my hoodie up, what had I been thinking going to the movies.

"Well, let's go through the list. You dress well, check, you're under thirty, double check, you go to the gym, check, you're not as handsome as Harry but since that's impossible I'll give you that as well, you change your grading system constantly so more kids will get a better grade, and to top it all off, you bring them a guy from college who is not only ready to write a blog about his sex life but also looks like someone you would actually consider reading it." WHY AGAIN.

"He doesn't… he doesn't talk about his sex life with my students." Only about my private life, which was even worse actually, but I could forgive him.

"As far as you know." I just rolled my eyes at this, actually I was more annoyed by the fact that there seemed to be nothing in my life that didn't have some connection with Niall, I really had to at least text him now.

While Louis and Harry stood in the line for snacks, I agreed to get the tickets, even if I nearly forgot the title of the movie, twice, before waiting for them, I hoped they really wouldn't get me anything because I wouldn't be able to swallow it but they had the tendency to pay for everything, not to show off, it was just them.

So when they came back, I wasn't surprised the least bit when Harry handed me popcorn. "Here, I know you said you didn't want anything but you simply can't watch a movie without anything to eat."

"Yeah, thanks, I'll give you the m-"

"That's fine." See? "Let's go, I'm excited."

The fact that this was probably the longest movie I had ever watched became even more noticeable when Harry and Louis started making out next to me, I mean, they had held back for an hour, I'll give them that, we had even had a conversation before, the only problem was that usually when I turned to my other side there was Niall leaning onto my shoulder or laughing way too hard over something that I hadn't even gotten. This time there were some teenage girls, none that I knew at least.

Really, I was starting to think that I was going insane, ever since that damn kiss I had basically done nothing besides analyzing it or having Niall on my mind at least in some way, maybe we should've talked about it, but what would I have said? There was nothing left to say, I would've even considered telling Louis and Harry if me and Niall hadn't agreed on never mentioning it to anyone ever again, so that complicated the thing, I was the only person in the whole world to remember this. 

Not even the movie could take my mind off, I was basically thinking about the same thing while walking out as I had done three hours before while walking inside.

"… yeah, that scene was pretty funny. Hey, Li, hello? What're you looking at?" Nothing, I had been staring off into space, wondering if it already was soon enough to say that I needed to go to bed now.

"Nothing, sorry… I'm just tired." Not really actually, but they nodded understandably as Louis held the door open for us which was commented by a big grin from Harry's side and complete ignorance from mine.

The way back to the car went by some pubs, I actually didn't even notice because I kept walking behind Louis and Harry who were swinging their intertwined hands in-between them, occasionally asking me questions until they noticed I really didn't wanna talk at all. That was until I bumped into Harry. 

"Why did you stop walking?" It sounded more irritated than I actually was, at least not with him. To my surprise both of them turned around suddenly, the expression on their faces should've worried me.

And the fake giggle. "Hey, I think I forgot something, Louis can get the car while we go back looking for it?"

I gave him a funny look, not understanding one single word, what he had said made no sense at all, I really didn't feel like going back either so I just shook my head slightly, pushing past them and… oh. 

"Niall?!" There was a group of guys standing and talking, you know what, before I come off as jealous, that was not the problem, the problem was what was in Niall's hand. 

"LIAM?!" He stared at me as if I was a ghost, dropping the cigarette immediately and stomping on it with his foot, as if it had never even happened. BUT IT HAD! "H-Hi g-guys umm… what are you doing here?"

"You're smoking?!" What the hell?! Since when was NIALL smoking, why hadn't he ever told me, was this a joke?

"Uh oh…. " One of Niall's friends bumped his elbow into Niall's ribs, a grin tugging on his lips, but I didn't pay attention to his more than stupid face, I watched every color washing out of Niall's instead. "When were you gonna tell us you've got a boyfriend?"

"I-I d-don't… Li, I… " Niall immediately came over, grabbing my arm, he probably didn't realize that he smelled as if he had just smoked a whole pack, but I did, it's just, after thinking about him for so long, I was speechless. "I'm sorry, I didn't… I didn't tell you, but…. I don't do it often, I just… Liam, please say something, please don't be mad, I'm sorry… Li?"

"Why would you do that?!" What the hell, I couldn't even be mad even though I was but I had no idea how to show it or how to react, also to the fact that Louis and Harry had been trying to bail Niall out, they were just uselessly standing there now while Niall looked close to tears.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, please don't think I was trying to betray you because I wasn't, Liam, I would've told you, I just didn't want you to freak out." I just stared at him blankly, not even feeling his touch, how could this have happened without me noticing?

"Why?" That was all I wanted to know, why and how long, so I wouldn't feel like a complete idiot, but I already looked like one anyway.

"I-I don't know… I just… I tried one time and-"

"When?" This was really getting to me, more than I would've liked, I hated Niall's drinking habits and now this, smoking was probably even worse, not that I judged everyone who did it I just didn't want Niall to. Too late.

"Half a year ago, but-"

"HALF A YEAR?! You've been smoking behind my back for half a year, what's gotten into you?!" I pulled my arm away, furious all of a sudden, Niall's friends had long backed away, but he just took a step towards me as I brought more distance between us, trying to calm me down.

"Liam, please, I told you I'm sorry!" My outbreak was completely uncalled for, I was just so mad and most of all disappointed, actually it was none of my business, I just couldn't hold back when it was about Niall.

"Wow, yeah, why don't you go say sorry to your lunge in a year and see how much of a change that'll make!" We were full on yelling now, in the middle of the street, the only reason why we didn't attract that much attention was because of the music coming out of the pub a few meters away.

"Liam! I told you I don't do it often, and I said I'm sorry too, what do you want to hear?!" A good fucking question.

"You know what? I don't wanna hear anything anymore, just go inside with your friends and when you're done with those cigarettes maybe you wanna have a few pints, like ten or fifty, let's see who's gonna bring you home this time, not me!" I was crossing lines here, it was obvious by how Niall flinched, looking so hurt I nearly took it back, nearly.

"This has nothing to do with any pints at all! I'm completely sober, I've been studying until twenty minutes ago…" His voice got more quiet now, he backed away a little, surprisingly that got me even more worked up.

"Liam… it was just a-"

"Shut up, Lou, that's none of your business, alright?" Yeah, I continued to be a fucking asshole, I just wanted to punch something, not any of my friends though, I wasn't THAT aggressive. But enough.

"It isn't any of yours either…" Niall suddenly mumbled, making something inside of me snap, I couldn't believe those words had come out of his mouth. 

"None of my business?! You basically live at my place, I'm the one who gets up at three am when you throw up after a night out, I'm the one picking you up from the other end of town after you've gotten shitfaced as fuck, I'm doing everything for you and you can't even tell me something like that? You used to tell me everything and I thought you still did, so excuse me for freaking out, excuse me for interrupting you while you were busy giving yourself cancer, excuse me for caring about you. Have fun." Getting into a car with Louis and Harry now seemed like the worst idea ever, I just left the three of them standing, walking into the complete opposite direction than we usually would've, I didn't care where I'd end up, I could still call a taxi but I just needed to be alone now.

Of course, Niall came running after me anyway, stepping in front of me to stop me by putting his hands on my chest. I pushed them off, even while looking into his face and seeing the complete desperation. "Li, please listen to me, I know you're mad at me and you have every right to and it's fine if you go now just please don't think I take anything you do for me for granted, you're the most important person to me, Liam, I know that not telling you was a mistake, I've been feeling guilty about it far too often."

"If I'm so important then why didn't you just tell me?!" I hissed, seeing Niall's face fall at how hateful my voice sounded, I just couldn't help it, I wanted to get away before I'd hurt him even worse. "I don't have any time for this." 

As I walked around him once again, I expected him to finally leave it now, but that just wouldn't be Niall, I had pushed it too far. "Oh, YOU don't have any time for this?! Guess what, I don't have any times for your stupid lectures either, why would I tell you something when all you're gonna do is tell me how dumb I am for doing it, you've been forbidding me to even look at alcohol until I was sixteen, you think I can't be responsible, that's it, right? You think I'm gonna smoke twenty packages a day and die or get sick, you think I'm too stupid to make decisions for myself, but I'm not, Liam."

"Well, obviously, you are." This was so wrong, my voice sounded so cold I couldn't even recognize it anymore, I barely looked at Niall now, but I think i could see his eyes getting watery again. 

"I don't need to listen to something like that, just leave me the fuck alone, I'm not eleven anymore, I'm nearly twenty and just because you're five years older than me doesn't give you the right to yell at me like that in public or tell me what to do, stop trying to control my life! And you know what? I'm glad I don't remember the kiss, it probably sucked anyway." The last part came out rather quiet, so no one would hear it except for me, but it still hit me hard. Not that I'd let it show.

"Well, it was far from mind-blowing but at least you had the decency to not smoke before and force me to kiss an ashtray." With that, I left him standing for real now, because Niall didn't come after me anymore, all I could hear was him yelling in the background, something like 'NO I DON'T NEED A RIDE HOME JUST PISS OFF, HAZ!', not that I cared what he was doing, hot tears of anger were streaming down my face, I had no idea where I was headed towards and I'm not sure if I cared.

 

———

 

"Alright class, you got twenty minutes to do this, I don't wanna hear a word from any of you during that time or your sheets will be gone and it'll be an F." Usually I wasn't behaving like this, but it had been a really long night, filled with lots of crying and regrets, there was nothing I felt like doing less than teaching a class right now.

"But Mr. Payne, you said the quiz would be on-"

"People change their minds, start working now." They all moaned, which I ignored, I know I was an asshole for doing this when I knew exactly how no one would've started studying until tomorrow, which probably was why I would throw all the papers away at home without grading them and buying them candy to apologize. I really hated myself right now, just as much as those twenty kids did, maybe even more and they were sending me death glares so that said something.

The reason why I had done it anyway was because I got to sit down and take my phone out again that had been heavily lying in my pockets since all morning, with a message from Niall that I had never replied to, I read it through again, knowing exactly that everyone would use the chance to cheat but I couldn't have cared less right now.

 

_Nialler 1:56 am_

_Li, remember when i was so mad at you for telling louis that we kissed and ignored you for a whole week? well, i do, and also how you texted me ten times a day even though i never replied, but you just kept going anyway. i can't sleep because im not used to this bed anymore but anyway, i decided i won't stop texting you either and you don't have to react to it for me to keep going because you mean the damn world to me. im sorry about what i said, that you're trying to control me and that i think your lectures are stupid, they kind of are but i know you're doing this because you care about me and i had no right to yell like that or say those things. you do so much for me and i should've told you about the smoking, i do know how bad it is but i only do it when im stressed and im gonna honestly tell you that i was stressed because of my exam and college in general. i should've told you that as well and im sorry, you have no idea how fucking much. i hope you got home safe and that you can forgive me, not today or even tomorrow, just at some point, because i need you. and i bet kissing you wasnt bad at all, i bet it was amazing. i love you more than anything, thank you for always taking care of me x_

 

He had written this in the middle of the night, when he had been supposed to sleep and get ready for today, instead he had had to be bothered with something like this and if he failed now, it'd be my fault.

I had really wanted to text back, but I hadn't known what, after getting completely lost and being forced to call a taxi, all I had managed to do was texting Louis and Harry shortly that I was sorry and that I was home before falling into my bed, regretting everything. Actually, I had started feeling sorry ten minutes after it had happened, but it had already been too late.

Niall smoking, I couldn't wrap my head around that, I knew for a fact that he couldn't do it very often since he spent so much time at my place, I had never smelled smoke, not in the flat or on him or his clothes, he must've really tried pretty hard to hide this. All I really wanted was to convince him to stop again, I didn't want him to become a ravenous addict, didn't want him to get sick and ruin his life, I just wanted him to stay my Nialler. 

As some paper landed on the desk in front of me, I put my phone away, looking down. "There's nothing on there."

"Because I don't know anything." The boy standing in front of me was called James and I had trouble looking at him because he had the same haircut Niall had had at his age, and also his middle name. "Thanks for ruining my grades this semester."

"We've had school for a month." I sighed before getting up, Niall's text message was still clearly burned into my mind, I imagined him having to do his exam now and looking as desperate as my students just did, a few girls looked close to tears, was I that bad? "Alright, collect all the papers."

"Why? You said twenty minutes, that's not fair, that were only ten!" Great.

"Do what I say." They didn't do anything besides complaining, I tried to blend it out, going through myself instead to get all the sheets, most of them empty, before returning to the blackboard and making everyone go quiet immediately by tearing them all in half and throwing them into the dustbin. "Change of plan, there won't be a quiz at all."

"Really? Why not?" Their moods were perfect again immediately, it nearly made me smile but then again, that didn't solve any of my problems.

"Because I had a bad night, you can start your homework now or… do whatever you want just stay in your seats." It wouldn't be fair to let them pay for me being a complete asshole, I just sat down again as everyone started conversations, rather loud as well but I didn't bother to shush them, I also didn't take my phone out anymore, that would've been self torture.

"When is Niall gonna come visit again, he's really funny." Someone blurted out, directed towards me and immediately everyone agreed. This was called living your worst dream.

"Niall is busy with college right now, I will ask him if he's got any time to come visit again, but I can't promise anything." He'd love to come, he would skip his lectures for it, it's just, the situation was kinda a little weird right now and also I wanted him to graduate.

"But last time he was here he said he can't even remember the last time he studied." Which was why he really shouldn't visit again.

"College is really serious, no matter what Niall told you, it's probably been a joke, including all the other stuff he has said." Maybe it would convince some of them that he had been kidding when he had said that he was daydreaming about me during his lectures and that that was basically what all of his life consisted of.

"I saw you at the movies last night." NO.

"I'm pretty sure you didn't." I should've given them something to do, half of the class was more interested in talking to me than to each other now while I did my best to not go crazy over how much I regretted going to the movies.

"I'm pretty sure I did." There was a laugh that made me sigh, at least I wasn't wearing the same clothes, I had even managed to shower this morning after the only thing getting wet last night had been my cheeks and my pillow.

"No, you didn't, I'm a teacher, I have no private life, I'm just at home and grade your homework an tests." Isn't that what everyone thinks teachers are like, now look at me crying at three am.

"And you also go to the movies because I saw you. And to the gym." The girls giggled hysterically, I think I heard someone say 'and he also does Niall', but I ignored it, telling them to keep it down or the teacher next door would come and throw me out, since they didn't want me fired because I was about ten years younger than the youngest teacher here, besides this had been my own school, I dare saying I understood the kids a little better. Actually it was funny like, if I would've started teaching one year earlier Niall would have still been here, as a student I mean, not that I would've agreed to teach him, all the teachers knew both of us, and that we knew each other very well, so that would've been pretty weird.

The gym idea sounded pretty good though, as soon as school was over and my phone had long gone out of battery from staring at Niall's message for too long, that's exactly where I headed, hoping to forget my worries for a little bit, I definitely needed to see Niall tonight and make up, I just had to think about what to say, but I wouldn't be able to go to sleep again tonight without knowing that I had him back.

I decided to waste even more time and take a shower, so when I finally headed home, it was two hours later than usual, adding up to all the tough luck I had had lately, there was an accident on the street I drove home on, funny enough it even looked like my car. Not that anymore damage could've been done to this car, after that accident four years ago, I had never really let it get repaired properly, Niall had driven it a few times, making some more scratches and bumps, I had gotten used to it. Even though the other car looked pretty seriously broken, there was an ambulance as well and I considered myself lucky I hadn't been there when it had happened because I had decided to waste a little more time today.

All in all it took me another hour longer, I just wanted to go to sleep as I dragged myself up the stairs, searching too long for my keys between all of my school stuff, I decided not to collect anyone's homework for a while, in the end they just messed up my bag.

As I stepped inside, dropping my stuff on the floor, I already felt that there was something strange going on, but there were always a whole lot of shoes and before I got to realize that some of them didn't belong here, someone was throwing themselves at me. "Liam!"

Niall clung so tightly to me it nearly hurt, I was so shocked of his sudden embrace, I nearly forgot to hug him back, but when I finally lifted my arms he pulled back, face red and wet from tears as he cupped mine and just started placing kisses all over it while I froze. What the hell was going on now?! Not that I didn't like it but… 

"Oh god, oh my god you're alive, I thought… thought you're h-hurt or … d-dead…" He started sobbing before I could even say one word, stroking his thumbs across my cheeks, studying my face as far as that was possible with tears spilling out of his eyes.

"Niall, what's going on, of course I'm okay, what are you talking about, babe?" I put my arms around his waist, pulling him close and completely forgetting about everything that had happened, I was just confused as hell and feeling slightly overwhelmed by all of the affection Niall was giving me suddenly after I had missed him the whole day. 

"He's talking about the accident, Liam, haven't you driven past? It was the exact same car as yours and you wouldn't pick up your phone for hours. Niall thought it was you, because the accident was so bad they showed it on TV." My head snapped at Louis' voice, I hadn't noticed him and Harry being here as well, but that explained the shoes. 

"But I'm fine, I'm sorry, guys, I went to the gym after school and my phone was out of battery." Niall was still crying pretty badly, I focused on him again, pressing a kiss to his forehead before whispering. "I'm sorry, Ni. For everything." 

"I'm just so glad that you're okay." Since I couldn't take this any longer, I pulled him into a real hug, feeling him pull the hair in the back of my neck as he pressed his face into my shoulder. "I-I thought I'd never see you a-again and I didn't e-even know if you're still m-mad at m-me…"

"I'm not mad at you, Nialler, I'm never mad at you and I'm sorry I didn't text back but I've read your message about one billion times. I didn't mean anything I've said, Ni, I just freaked out and I shouldn't have because you did nothing wrong and it's not your duty to tell me everything because you're grown up and you know what you're doing. You're not stupid and I'd come to get you home anytime." I wished I would've never said any of this, sure, I wanted to know everything Niall was doing but it didn't give me the right to freak out like this, he wasn't my property after all.

"I-It's okay… as long as you're here and alright, I really don't care about anything else right now, I just thought that you're dead for two hours…" There was a tiny pause while I pressed kisses into his hair when suddenly he tightened his arms even more. "P-Please n-never l-l-leave m-me…I w-w-wouldn't k-know w-what to d-do w-without y-y-you…" 

"Oh, baby, I won't, I could never do that, I'm always driving carefully, you know that, I'm always gonna be there when you need me, shsh." This was actually horrible, I only realized this by Niall starting to shake terribly, he had seriously thought it had been me, judging by Louis' and Harry's faces, they had been trying to calm him down even if I could tell that they hadn't been very sure about this either. Talking about them, I guess I owed them an apology as well. "Guys, I… sorry about last night… for just leaving I mean and for snapping at you, Lou, I shouldn't have and I really appreciate that you had time for me."

"It's all good, Li, we're just glad you're safe, man. This was pretty scary." I let go of Niall with one hand to stretch it out towards them, hoping they'd get what I was trying to say, I felt really emotional now, after making up with Niall and having him cuddle into me.

So Louis and Harry came over to hug us as well, Niall didn't turn around but somehow it worked and I felt a little better afterwards, even if Niall still remained with his head on my shoulder, but at least he had stopped shaking and crying as well I think, I was just trying to dry his cheeks a little with my thumb while rubbing his waist with the other. "Should we got sit down, Ni?" 

"Yeah, okay…" He sniffed a little, but agreed to let me walk him to the couch where he curled up next to me, taking my hand in between his immediately as I pulled him as close as possible while Louis and Harry took the second couch, talking quietly with each other. "I can't believe how dumb I've been last night, comparing it to today it was like nothing."

"Shh, it's fine now, yeah? How was your exam by the way." Judging by his look, not so good, but he just shrugged, wiping his eyes with his free hand and pressing a kiss onto my shoulder over my shirt.

"I honestly have no idea and I'm not sure if I really care, all I was thinking about was how to make it up to you, so I thought maybe you'd forgive me if I… oh right, shit." As he jumped up all of a sudden, I was more than confused to lose my natural source of warmth pressing into my side as Niall made attempts to leave. "I forgot that I let myself in and made you dinner, it's probably cold by now though, sorry, I completely forgot it over everything."

"It doesn't matter, Ni, but if you wanna go check I'll come with you." Mostly because I couldn't bear to let him out of my sight now, he looked completely done with everything and also as if the feeling of not wanting to be apart from each other was mutual.

"Thank you…" Finally, there was a thin smile on his lips as he held his hand out towards me to help me up, not letting go afterwards but rather lacing our fingers together and squeezing a little, I liked that, a lot actually, it felt good to have his hand in mine, especially now.

"You know… my students asked about you today, they were being a pain in the ass about it actually." As we reached the kitchen, Niall let go of me slowly, as if he was unsure if he should really do it, but then he opened the oven, an item in my house that I had only used once.

"I guess I have to come over again, but wait, which students? Freshmen or younger?" Believe it or not, but he liked the younger ones better even if he had to cut back on inappropriate comments, but they practically adored him.

"Freshmen, but you can come more often than just once, you know, whenever you got time… did you make lasagna? I think I'm in love with you." Now that he had made it obvious how much he had wanted me to forgive him, I got a knot in my throat as he nodded, smiling at me while getting the food out.

"Yeah, I did. Just for you, but it's cold, we'd have to heat it up and… I kinda didn't make enough for four so maybe… we should wait…" Until Louis and Harry were gone, I knew he felt bad about saying it, but it was fine, I knew that they wouldn't get mad.

"Let's put it in the fridge meanwhile." I don't think that we could've eaten anything right now anyway, Niall usually couldn't resist food, but this time he nodded, doing what I suggested before just stopping and staring at me. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing…" It worried me a little as he shrugged, looking at the floor before coming over to wrap his arms around me. "I missed you. Like, a lot, and I hate when we fight because I can't function properly, I don't even know how to fall asleep anywhere that's not your bed or couch." 

"I couldn't fall asleep either without knowing that you were in the other room. We should make a rule, always make up before bedtime." Actually we didn't need that rule because usually we made up way sooner than that, but running my fingers through Niall's hair now, I wouldn't survive this one more time.

"Why don't we just make a rule that we'll never fight again because it'll be my death." That sounded a lot better.

As we walked back slowly, the others seemed pretty tired, Louis managed a smile but Harry was about to snooze off on his shoulder, I wondered if Niall had called them up crying, I wanted to believe that he hadn't but this is mostly likely how they had ended up here as well worrying about me just because I had had to stare at this text for so long.

I dropped down on the same spot as before, expecting Niall to curl up under my arm again but he actually put his arms around me, pulling a little so I was the one with my head on his shoulder, relaxing completely as he leaned his chin against my head, playing with the hair behind my ear as Louis let out a yaw. "I know we should probably leave but I just can't bring myself to stand up."

"You can stay as long as you want to, there's a spare couch as well." Actually now that I thought about, it wouldn't even be impossible for them sleep here, this made my jealous, they basically had nowhere to be all morning now, Harry usually only went to his lectures in the evening and Louis could basically work from home a lot of the time.

"Two, because if those two are snoring in here the whole night I'll sleep in your bed." Niall threw in, he had gone over to kisses now and soft strokes of his fingers all over my face, my eyes nearly dropped closed at how gentle he was, I should've told him that he needed to sleep in my bed anyway.

"I don't even snore." Well, I wouldn't know, Niall didn't snore though, that was nice.

"Yes, you do…" Harry sighed, not opening his eyes or moving the tiniest bit, he probably felt as relaxed as I did while Louis stroked over his hair in slow motions, Niall did the same, he was just having his arm around me to keep me even closer and when he pulled the blanket from the back of the couch over me it was over, who would want to stay awake during that?

It wasn't a relaxing sleep though, I felt as if I woke up every five minutes, at some point Harry and Louis left or something because everyone started talking, quietly, so I groaned and pressed my face into Niall's shoulder to get them to stop, he apologized, kissing my forehead and telling me to go back to sleep before covering one of my ears with his hand. "Be quiet, guys."

"Sorry, we didn't wanna disturb the baby sleeping." Pretty sure I didn't look like a baby, but they laughed quietly before Niall shushed them again. "It's fine, we'll get going now, take good care of each other, alright?"

"We will… thanks for coming and waiting with me, guys. I love you." This nearly made me smile, Niall always managed to fit that in, normally hugs as well but he couldn't today because of me half lying on him, but I think the others just leaned down because I felt some other hand on my shoulder as well.

"We love you too, Ni. We'll see us soon, yeah?" I loved how gentle they were with Niall, they always had been, they had just accepted both of us as if it was nothing, I mean, I wouldn't understand someone not loving Niall but let's face it, I had been pretty weird back then when I had been 16.

After hearing the front door close, I didn't manage to fall back asleep, but Niall did a great job at making me want to keep my eyes closed by rubbing my temple with his thumb and giving me so many kisses on my head and face I didn't need to see him to know that the shock from earlier hadn't left, but he let me pretend sleeping for a little while until speaking up, whispering actually. "Hey, Li… do you wanna go to bed? Or eat first? I'll make the lasagna warm for you."

"I can do it too, it's okay, thank you, Ni…" I attempted to sit up slowly, making Niall's arms slip and trying to keep myself wrapped up in the blanket because it was cold.

As I opened my eyes and leaned back, sitting properly now, Niall smiled over at me softly, giving me another kiss on my cheek. "Sorry that the others disturbed your nap, but you looked really peaceful."

"Yeah… you're pretty comfortable." Plus the stroking adding up to that made Niall the perfect pillow.

"Thanks." The smile was blinding, then he just got up all of a sudden, looking down at me. "You can stay here, I can bring you the food."

"No, I'm coming with you, but thank you." I didn't want him to go alone, besides, his face lit up as I got to my feet as well, regretting leaving the blanket behind since I was freezing my ass of, but at least Niall hugged my arm, warming it up.

"Just sit down, okay? You look really sleepy." He made me sit on the kitchen chair, way too happy now considering he was about to heat up lasagna, that wasn't really what I would call exciting. "What do you want to drink?"

"Water is fine, thanks." I felt bad making him serve me stuff but he didn't seem to mind one bit, besides I knew he would've just pushed me back down as soon as I attempted to stand up.

We didn't take our usual seats while eating, Niall actually pulled the chair around so we could be closer, it made me smile, I liked when he was being like this, sometimes we weren't as physically close anymore as we had when we had been younger, so I appreciated it even more, except I didn't like what had caused it this time.

Niall did the talking for us, I did answer him, it's just, I was so bloody tired I found it hard to even chew properly and he noticed it of course. "Thank you for this, Nialler, you should work in a restaurant or something."

"Then I'd have less time to cook for you, don't give me any ideas." His laugh gave me chills, I was so glad to see him happy again and that he had forgiven me for being such a douche, I still kinda wanted to talk about last night though, if it was like he said and he did it because he felt stressed then I wanted to help. "You should go lie down, I'll clean this up."

"But I can help y-"

"I won't accept a no, go to bed, come on." He made me feel like a child shooing me out of the kitchen, he actually put his hands on my back and pushed, making both of us laugh slightly.

"No rush, I'm already gone, Ni." Before he could reply, I turned to pull him into a really tight hug, I wanted to ask if he'd come to my room later and sleep in my bed but somehow I didn't, if he really wanted to then he would anyway. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, mind if I check on you later?" There was a little change in his voice that made me sigh, he was scared now, because he had been thinking that something had happened to me earlier, maybe that's also why he wanted me to just go to bed, so he could be sure I was alright.

"Of course not, but I'm completely fine, I-"

"I know you are, I just want you to sleep because you look tired and if you're tired you can't pay as much attention as you need to while driving tomorrow." As soon as the words were out, I pulled away to look at him, he was biting his lip now, obviously regretting saying his thoughts out loud.

"Niall…" I started, because I wanted to tell him something that'd make him feel better, but I didn't know what, like, accidents happened every day and Niall seemed to be painfully aware of that now. Not that I couldn't understand, if I had to live two hours thinking he was dead I would probably force him to hold my hand 24/7 from now on.

"It's okay, just go to bed, I got this." The smile seemed a little shaky, maybe that's why he leaned forward to kiss my cheek and hide his face.

"Alright, thank you." As I turned to go, he went to collect our plates, so I stopped in the doorway. "I love you."

Niall was surprised that I was still there, but he looked at me, a grin spreading across his face. "I love you too."

Even though I was so bloody tired I had to sit down while brushing my teeth, as I got into bed with my door open because I liked to hear Niall still walking around, it was calming, to know I wasn't alone, I still couldn't fall asleep.

So I heard Niall cursing in the kitchen about dropping something rather loudly, also how he took a shower, dropping something in there as well and how he brushed his teeth because the bathroom was next door to my own. I was already a little scared that he wouldn't come anymore as he started turning off all the lights half an hour later.

But then I did hear him come into my room, it was completely dark and my eyes were closed, I was trying really hard not to make a sound but as he fell over something and tried to curse quietly, I couldn't help but chuckle. "You're awake?"

"Yeah… did you just hurt yourself?" It had sounded like it, I turned in bed now, wondering how he could even see a single thing in here.

"I'm fine, I just bumped into your closet, sorry in advance in case I fall on top of you, it's really bloody dark in here." Alright, he saw as little as I did.

Somehow Niall managed to get into bed next to me without kicking me with any parts of his body, he didn't lie down though, which bothered me so I quickly came up with an excuse. "You know, if you go outside again you might hurt yourself, I think you should just sleep here."

"We only got one blanket though." He didn't sound as if he disapproved of my idea at all, actually I felt him moving next to me, hardly being able to make out his figure in the dark but I smelled his shampoo.

"Too bad." We had shared a blanket too many times to worry about it now, Niall had probably just been kidding, because he laughed a little as I pulled my blanket back, trying to make some space for him as he lied down fully as well, both of us on our sides, we had to be pretty close to make this work out but I didn't mind.

"You okay?" Of course he asked again, his face was so close to mine now, I felt his breath slightly hitting my skin, even our legs were occasionally touching whenever one of us moved.

"Yeah. Are you?" He let out a shaky breath, suddenly reaching for my hand to lace our fingers together between us before answering. 

"Well, I am now." It didn't sound really convincing, I felt bad, I wanted to reach out and touch his face but I was already holding his hand.

"Nothing will happen to me, Ni, I'll be extra careful for you." I rubbed my thumb along his softly, his hand was a lot softer than mine, I didn't know why he wanted to hold it, but he obviously did and I for sure wouldn't complain, it was nice.

"I know, I just… I got a glimpse of how I would feel in case you died, and I didn't even have confirmation, I don't wanna know how much worse it would be if it were reality. I think I'd kill myself, like, for real." Niall just talked as if he was thinking out loud, as if this was a casual topic, but my mouth fell open at this.

"Niall! What are you even saying, you got other friends beside me as well, you got your family." How could he even bear to think so far, I mean, not that I didn't know where this was suddenly coming from and if our positions were switched, I would probably be saying the same because living without Niall was impossible, I just couldn't understand why anyone would think the same about me.

"Well, yeah, but Louis and Harry got each other, they don't need me, not really, they need time for themselves, I couldn't just pop up on their front door like I do here. My friends from college are whatever, I like them, but I wouldn't even lend them fifty bucks. And my family is broken, Liam, you know that, I haven't seen my dad in three years and ever since my mum moved to London with her boyfriend we hardly talk on the phone. Well, Zayn calls me sometimes, and we Skype, but he wouldn't be hurt if that stopped, he's got his own life, they all do. You're the only one who makes me feel like I matter." Hearing this broke my heart, at the same time, I knew exactly how he felt like, because it was the same for me and I didn't even have other friends besides him, Louis and Harry, sure, I had had Sophia but now that she was gone too, there was literally no one. My mum had moved away as well, after she had gotten back together with my dad, but I didn't really see or hear from them very often. And then we got school, where every other teacher was at least ten years older, some were nice, yeah, but still.

"You do matter, to a lot of people, Ni, because everyone who meets you just has to fall in love with you, it's an unwritten law and it's always been like this. When I moved back here and slept over at Zayn's I already cared about you before you even told me that you lost your stuffed horse downstairs." Remembering this lightened the mood a little, I didn't want Niall to have such bad thoughts, he was always so happy, it didn't fit if he said those things. 

"I don't have the horse anymore, but the unicorn you bought me has to be somewhere in that box in your closet. I put it there when I moved out from home because I didn't wanna take it to college, I don't think I ever told you that, but I didn't wanna lose it, it seemed wrong to abandon it." This was really cute, I had to smile when Niall giggled, moving a little closer towards me.

"I got all the wristbands you made me as well, I mean, apart from the one I'm wearing, but the broken ones have to be somewhere too, probably the same box, we'd have to check." There was a hell lot in there, thinking about it, it was like with couples or something, but we just had so many photos, I hadn't known where to put them so ever since I just kept everything in that box, to look at when I didn't feel good.

"Yeah, we should check at some point, I'd like to see all the selfies I forced you to take, I found it really funny how jealous everyone in my class got over them. Everyone's always wanted you to like them, remember when I was in middle school, after you visited no one was mean to me anymore and I felt so special. I still do actually." While talking, Niall moved so close, I felt his hair tickling my forehead, we were still holding hands, I really liked how warm it was now, and how familiar, this was much better than going to sleep by myself.

"Why?" I wasn't that great, sure, when Niall had been younger he had looked up to me, but now I was just me, I didn't do anything exciting or so.

"Because there are a lot of people who have no real friends, my roommate for example, he's got all these girls over because in reality he's probably lonely, but I got you and I know I can fully trust you and that you'd always be there for me. Well, and I really hope you can say it back, because I'm trying." He laughed, but I felt my heart swell from this, he was so cute.

"Of course I can say it back, Ni, I don't want to imagine how things would've gone if we had never met, just look at me, I don't even know how to live on my own anymore, I would probably starve to death without you." When I had been dating Sophia, she had once talked about what would happen if I threw Niall out in case she moved in one day. We had never had that big of a fight, I don't think that if I ever met someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with I could move in with them as long as Niall still didn't have someone.

"Actually it's remarkable, I would've expected that at some point we'd start fighting about stuff or so, but we were like made to live in one flat or something." That was a nice thought, I agreed with him, letting go of his hand now to put my arm around his shoulder instead and pulling him closer until I was able to kiss his forehead, he hummed approvingly. "We should probably sleep."

"Yeah, probably… but can I ask you something?" There was nothing I hated more than having to destroy the mood now, but this would bug me until I finally brought it up.

Niall sighed a little, but he nodded hardly noticeable, obviously knowing what I was gonna say. "This is about the smoking, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah… it's just, you said it's because you feel stressed… why didn't you tell me?" I didn't mean the smoking, I meant the other stuff, thinking about my reaction last night I think there was no need to ask why Niall hadn't told me that he was smoking. 

"I… didn't wanna bother you. I know you're gonna say that I don't, but you're always so exhausted from school and stuff and you're always telling me that I should graduate from college, you're right, I should, but sometimes I feel like I won't make it. And then Louis and Harry getting married is stressing me as well because hell, if it takes eight years of being together then I'll never get married. I'm not good with relationships, I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I noticed that the last two times I just asked the girls out because I was desperate." Oh.

"Hey, Ni… it doesn't matter, okay? If you're not sure you really, really like someone then you shouldn't ask them out at all because it won't work anyway and it's just tearing you down. Not everything is about being in a relationship, I feel like we've had that talk before, actually." We definitely had and I shouldn't have said that because I didn't wanna bring back any bad memories, but Niall didn't really react to it, so I quickly talked on. "Look, you got a job at the studio and you love it, don't you? And you got me and Louis and Harry and your other friends, you don't need a girlfriend or be the best in college, it's fine if you're just happy with what you've got. And I know that you'll manage to graduate, I'm always here if you need any help."

"I know that you're right, I just… I don't know what it is. I should probably just try and stop smoking, I've been wanting to quit for a while and after that … incident on the party, I haven't been drinking either, so that's good. Maybe I should follow your example." That made me laugh, it had obviously been a joke but I really would appreciate it if he stopped smoking, I knew I could pull the 'I'm scared you're gonna die from it' card now, but that would be pretty low, especially after before.

"It's fine if you've got a few pints once a while, but hey, if you wanna quit smoking I'm fully supporting you." No idea if tomorrow he would still want to, I just liked to think that he did.

"I know, Li, thank you. Also for caring so much about me." He suddenly snuggled closer into my, so his face was buried in my neck and I automatically tightened my arm, pressing a kiss onto the top of his head.

"Of course I do, I could say the exact same thing." In case I hadn't known how much he cared, today had clearly been prove for that, but I had known it before as well, I had just been shocked about him saying he'd kill himself in case I died. Having some time to think about this though, I knew why he had said that and I could only agree.

"Yes you can… are you tired? Because I am…" As if to show it, he let out a really adorable yaw, trying to wrap the blanket tighter around us.

"Yeah… let's go to sleep, that was a shit day." Probably the worst in a while, but I got Niall in my arms now for the rest of the night so I think I'd be able to get over it.

"True. Wake me if anything happens." I nearly commented that, but then I decided not to, he was still scared and I hated it, but I wouldn't make him feel even worse so I pulled him into me really tightly.

"Of course. Sleep tight, Ni, I love you." He sighed happily at that, it seemed as if he was already half asleep, his voice was too slow also.

"Love you more…" 

 

——— 

 

The next few days Niall got more protective than I knew it was possible, he decided to go to college earlier without any excuse at all just so he could get up with me and have me drop him off, saying that he could take the bus once a while, the fake enthusiasm in that was very hard to ignore.

Also, almost as soon as I got out of my car, I already had a text asking me whether I had reached school safely. Some people might think this was annoying, but it always were really cute messages like 'you there already? just wait whats for dinner tonight :D x' and 'hope you're alright, have a good day :) xxx', so actually, he brightened up my day with caring too much. Besides that, it was nice knowing that he was alright as well, I was always worrying too much anyway, so if he worried as well then at least I'd come off as more normal.

On thursday, I was in my middle school class, talking about some maths problem that none of the kids wanted to hear about and I didn't want to either because it was almost the end of the day and we could as well talk about it some other time but I wanted to get it done now. Well, I did, before there was a knock on the door that I had hardly time to react to.

"Oh, good, I got it right this time. Hi, kids." Niall was looking the exact same he had this morning, one of my hoodies and a beanie because he had told me he'd stay in bed a little longer while I made breakfast, nearly oversleeping, which automatically meant no time for his hair so there he was. 

"Niall, what-"

"Niall! Hi, Niall! Sit next to meee!" Everyone was up on their feet immediately before I could say one word until it was too late and Niall was surrounded by eleven year olds trying to get him to pay attention to them. "Niall, look, I lost my tooth last night!"

"Guys, why don't we all sit down and let Niall breathe for a second, how about that?" Not that he needed to be saved by me, he was clearly enjoying it, flashing me a smile before looking at the girl in front of him again, she was the most fondest of him probably, ever since Niall had helped her drawing some flowers next to her homework for me to look at later at home.

"Well, that's a pretty big hole you got in your mouth, maybe you should brush your teeth a little more before more fall out." He joked, ruffling her hair, I expected some complainant but there was none, just a laugh.

"They're supposed to fall out!" She half yelled, I thought about shushing them down but then again, why would I even bother now.

"It's been a while since Niall's heard a word about biology." I threw in, sitting on my desk, at least now I had a proper excuse to not keep on doing maths.

"Of course I knew that, _Payno_. Sit down, munchkins, or he'll give you extra homework." Surprisingly they sat down when Niall said it, I think it was funny how he always managed to come up with some new names, it was cute watching him with children, mostly because he was one himself most of the time, a big one.

"I won't give you extra homework, but sit down, that's a good idea. Now, Niall, what brings us the pleasure?" It probably wasn't a good idea that he came to sit next to me, and this close, but I decided not to say something.

"Well, I missed the kids. Did you miss me guys? I hope so, because otherwise I'd be really sad." When he pulled a face they reassured him that they had missed him very much, which was true, I nearly had someone asking for him every day. So when it got loud again, Niall just smiled, turning to me and catching me staring at his profile. "And maybe I missed you too."

I felt myself blushing, not knowing how to react, so I quickly focused on the kids again, if they went too crazy then there was no way to get them to shut up again. "Alright, we won't do any maths today, there are only fifteen minutes left before you can go home. So, if anyone wants to ask Niall something you all have to be quiet, okay? And raise your hand. And wait your turn." The fact that I felt Niall looking at me while I talked didn't help me to be really convincing, but since they all were dying to talk to Niall, they somehow followed my order.

Niall spent the rest of the time bringing his goofiest side out and I enjoyed just sitting back and watching him, he had them under control, probably better than I did so there was no need to step in besides a few times, but mostly I was just being glad that Niall had popped in. Maybe I had missed him as well.

It was no wonder that no one wanted to go home that day, but Niall walked around and helped packing some backpacks so in the end we got them all to leave the room, even if half of them decided to still walk next to us. "Are you gonna come again soon, Niall?!"

"Of course I will, but only if you all study really hard and be extra nice to Mr. Payne, he's gonna tell me if you don't behave." He tried to be serious, but all he got was laughter, even if I knew that him saying that would certainly motivate some of them to try harder, it had before.

"He'll come back again, I promise, but you're all gonna miss the bus if you don't hurry, off you go." Mostly I wanted to talk to Niall alone, but I also had to go get my stuff from the teacher's room and I didn't wanna go there while having ten kids following me around and being all over my best friend.

There were a few complaints and moans, but in the end I managed to get them all to leave by simply noting that since they're all here I could announce a quiz for next week so then they were running. "That was really mean."

"Maybe. Did you ditch to come here?" I didn't know when he had to be somewhere or at what time because it all constantly changed, unlike him, he knew my timetable by heart, maybe better than me.

"Nope, it was cancelled. But I didn't pay for the bus because I nearly missed it so you just let a criminal visit your class, that was pretty irresponsible." He suddenly hugged me sideways while we were still waking, nearly making me drop the book, but then I realized that he hadn't hugged me before so he was doing it now.

"Have you ever payed for the bus the past week?" Because of him always getting into my car with me in the mornings, his was standing unused in front of my flat since monday, I didn't mind that, actually, I liked having company before work.

"Yeah… on tuesday, I always forget about it, it's not my fault that I'm not used to it." Well, of course he wasn't used to it but I didn't say anything, I didn't want him to sleep longer again. "They could make signs for it."

"There are signs, in three different languages." When we reached the teacher's room, Niall just walked in with me, most of the teachers knew him anyway, but he still attracted attention walking by my side.

"Maybe I don't speak any of those. Why is your desk always the cleanest?" He mumbled as we reached it and I just shrugged, trying to pack everything together quickly before someone would come over to make small talk, because Niall looked as if he was encouraging it, especially by what he did next, nearly yelling across the whole room. "Hi, Mrs. Smith!"

"Would you stop?" I hissed, quickly pretending to smile as she looked over to us, kinda confused. 

"I hate that bitch, why doesn't she just retire already." Niall muttered, I immediately shushed him even if no one was around, but he'd get me fired by saying things like that.

"It's not her fault her daughter left me standing in a restaurant. After we ordered." Yeah, there was a good reason why I was trying to avoid Mrs. Smith, she was Sophia's mother, luckily I had been able to erase the memory of dinner at her house from my mind.

"Don't think about it, she didn't deserve you anyway. Oh shit." As I heard Niall curse, I looked up from packing my stuff, wanting to groan, great, now I'd have to have talk with my ex girlfriend's mother, why did she decide to come over, what was there to say, seriously?!

"Oh, hi, Niall, right? Didn't I have you in biology?" Maybe she was just going to ignore me, hopefully, I continued focusing on my stuff.

"Yeah, but that was really long ago. Really long." Was he trying to drop hints on how old she was? "Can't believe you're still a teacher." Yep.

"Well, I… well, yeah. So, how are you doing? And how are you, Liam? I kinda heard your kids were a little out of control before." Comments like that from her mouth were common, I think it still hadn't gotten through that I wasn't the one who had ended it.

"They were excited because they enjoy my maths lesson and like to participate." Actually, I could've thought about a lot of insults right now, instead I forced a smile, taking my bag and putting a hand on the small of Niall's back, trying to push him towards the exit. 

"Well, I hope the children can concentrate when it's that loud, if you don't teach them to do what you say they won't respect you. I personally like to give surprise quizzes two times a week, it motivates them to study more and I never have bad grades." Well, now I knew why everyone was always so down after her classes, she was a monster.

"I nearly failed your class twice." Niall suddenly threw in, completely disturbing her moment of self glory. "But you probably can't remember that anymore, it was really long ago and it's normal to forget things when-"

"Well, nice to have a chat, I will keep your advice in mind, have a good day." Before Niall would start diagnosing her with alzheimer, I quickly pushed him towards the door, not waiting for a reaction. "You have to stop that."

"She's a horrible teacher, Li, I was doing it for the children." Since I could't be mad at him, I just kept my arm around his shoulders, trying to forget what had happened and enjoying the fact that he had come to visit instead. "And you have to agree that it was a little intense how she let me write a three page assignment when I was thirteen just so I could pass."

"Didn't I write that?" I had, but I asked anyway to tease him, his sigh caused me to laugh.

"That's not what this is about but anyway, I wrote the introduction and the ending." Both of them together had been five sentences, but thinking back at this it had actually not been funny at all, Niall had been crying his eyes out saying he couldn't do it, so I wrote it for him while he was leaning against my shoulder with a really big hiccup, red stained eyes and two packs of gummy worms.

"Yeah, you did, apart from that I think she's pretty aware of her age though." And me too, I couldn't wait to have her gone, but I wasn't gonna say that to Niall or the next time he'd see her he would hand her a brochure for gravestones.

"I just wanted to make sure she really was, I felt like she could need a little reminding." I just shook my head at him, trying not smirk while squeezing his shoulder before letting go as soon as we reached my car. "When are we gonna meet up with Louis and Harry, I always forget."

"In half an hour." Finding my keys turned out to be a bit of a challenge, but Niall had his hand on the handle, waiting patiently.

"Great, I love when they ask us to eat out." He really did sound excited, but I was more focused on finding anything in this bloody bag.

"Why?" Well, that was a dumb question, it was food so what did I expect as an answer?

"They always pay." Okay, not that.

"Niall!" The forced anger in my voice didn't come through, I was too happy as I was finally able to unlock the car.

"But they do and you know it. When was the last time they let you pay anything?" We both got in, I tried to think of a time but I seriously couldn't remember just one so I just said nothing, getting my seatbelt on instead. "Exactly. Harry gave me money for gas a while ago because I drove him to Louis' workplace. That were five minutes in the car and he gave me twenty bucks."

"What are you gonna do if they don't do it this time? You can't expect them to, it's rude. Did you even take your wallet?" Judging by the look on his face, he hadn't and it made me sigh slightly, of course they would pay again, but still.

"Well, to my excuse, I forgot about it like a hundred times, you can still borrow me something, right?" If the others wouldn't pay for Niall, then I would, someone always payed for him and it wasn't even because he didn't have a proper job yet, everyone just liked to get showered with his love afterwards. At least I did.

"You won't need it." I briefly checked if he had put his seatbelt on before starting the car, I hated pulling out here because there were always so many kids running around.

"Why are you allowed to expect them to pay but I'm not?" This made me laugh, I had no idea why this was such a big deal but Niall seemed seriously as if he was gonna start a fight over this.

"I don't. But there's no need for you to borrow any money from me because I wouldn't mind paying for you, so there's nothing for you to worry about." That made Niall blush, I just barely noticed it because I was paying attention to the street, but I could tell he suddenly really wanted to get away from that topic as he started changing the songs on the radio and commenting every single one.

We hardly made it in time after all, there was too much traffic and I was really glad that Niall had come to school before because otherwise I would've had to pick him up from the complete opposite direction. He had gotten excited over seeing Harry and Louis in general while we had been in the car, so it didn't really surprise me when he nearly knocked Harry down in the parking lot while Louis and me hugged shortly before watching quite worriedly as a few cars passed by the other two still stumbling around. "Well, hi, Nialler, I assume you're good?"

"I'm always good." As soon as he had let go, he was already hugging Louis instead who had seen it coming already, he was just laughing, rubbing Niall's back while Harry came over to me, putting an arm around me and bringing his lips closer to my ear.

"We shouldn't let him order any sugar today." Of course it was supposed to come out loud enough for Niall to hear, he jumped back immediately, pulling me from Harry's grip, almost protectively.

"Liam would let me eat as much sugar as I wanted to, right?" I should've probably kept the act up and said no but when I looked down at Niall and his big, blue eyes, I was already nodding before realizing it. "Ha!"

"Well, maybe you got Liam wrapped around your finger but not us, Ni, be careful or I'll order a sugar free wedding cake as well." That would've been Niall's end, every time we talked about the wedding it was either about the speech or the food, not because he was ignorant about Louis and Harry actually getting freaking married, but he was just so excited about everything else too.

Niall kept holding onto my arm while we walked inside, well to be completely honest, he let go to walk around me and take the other arm, so he was between me and the street, something you do with small children when you're scared they might get hit by a car, Niall was doing the same with me and I didn't even mind it. This would pass, he could probably still remember what had happened on monday too well and besides, it wasn't really a bad thing to have someone caring this much about you, I was just a little worried about Niall, his fear of losing me seemed to never leave him alone and I felt sorry for him because I knew what it felt like. "Niall, there's hardly any traffic."

"What do you mean?" He played confused, but I saw the blush creeping into his face as he yelled after the other two to wait up for us so I let it be.

We let Niall choose where to sit, but he said he didn't really mind at all, pulling me to sit next to him which seemed to be his only concern, even if it would've been kinda impossible for Louis and Harry to not sit next to each other anyway. 

"You both can order anything you want, we pay." There was a slight bump of Niall's elbow in my rib as Louis said that, I tried my hardest not to turn my head, smiling instead.

"It's fine, I can-"

"No, really, we asked you to come it's only fair." Well, they had said 'we have to talk about some stuff', it hadn't actually been an invitation but there was no way that starting a discussion would help, they would only be disappointed and I think I could see Niall biting his lower lip from the corner of my eye, he was trying his best not to laugh.

"Well, thanks. You guys are making me feel like I'm poor." Even though I chuckled, this was exactly how they made me feel, I knew they had enough money, probably three times as much as I did… well, who are we kidding, ten.

"You're not poor, Li." Feeling Niall's lips on my cheek was way too unexpected for me to not go completely red, I quickly pretended to be looking at the menu, in reality I was very well aware of Harry clearing his throat and Louis' eyes going from Niall back to me. If we were alone and acted like this it was alright, but Louis and Harry always looked at us as if we had something to hide, well, we kind of did, they both had no idea about what had really made me leave their party two weeks ago. As much worries as I had, Niall seemed to be completely oblivious to their reactions. "Why are you staring at that thing as if it is life changing, don't we always order the same here?"

"I'm… I'm open for new stuff." Now that sounded stupid.

"Well, if we consider the fact that you don't like salad and that the pizza here is so small we once had to order four, that leaves you exactly five other options which are all pasta, but you don't like fish, so two and you're gonna take the last one because the other one has really weird looking noodles that you don't like. And if you're looking for drinks then we all know you'll take coke or you're gonna sleep in before the waitress even looks at us." With that, I just closed the menu, Niall had pretty much summed everything up, making Louis and Harry stare at us even more surprised until they started laughing.

"Now that's what I call knowing someone like the back of your hand." Harry was right and normally I would've found it amusing but after the kiss on the cheek I just blushed a little more, hoping that my smile looked somewhat real, I still hadn't turned to look at Niall.

"That was logical thinking." Niall sounded unimpressed, our eyes met for a second and he smiled at me before leaning back, some of his hair was sticking out of his beanie in the front, I had no idea if that had been an accident or not but it looked really cute, I hardly managed to look away again. "So what did you guys wanna talk about? Or did you just want to meet up with us because I'd understand that, it must be pretty hard not being able to go in and out of Liam's place to see him whenever you want."

"Yeah, that was one of the reasons of course, but we can wait until after we order, okay? I can't think properly, I haven't eaten since last night." I wondered if they both were trying to watch their weight just because of Louis modeling those clothes, it almost sounded like it, but when the waitress finally came over shortly before Niall started drooling on the table, they ordered normal stuff, so I decided they probably knew what they were doing, it was hard enough to worry about one person already.

"And you?" She looked at me, I had been stuck with my thoughts and I feel like I hadn't talked in a while so I forgot what I wanted to say, luckily Niall was there.

"The same as me, thanks." As soon as she left, he turned immediately to me. "You okay?"

"Yeah, sure, I was just thinking about something else, sorry." There was something in his face that made me regret zoning out for a second, hopefully he wouldn't think I was hiding something now when I had just been a little off track because of before, I needed to be extra normal now. 

"So, is everything alright with your car, Ni?" Luckily that question made him stop staring at me even if he scooted a little closer before answering.

"Yeah, I just found out that if Liam drops me off in the morning then I won't have to find a parking space and also, we can have breakfast together and I'm not running late anymore." That sounded like a believable explanation, he had told me the same actually, if only he wouldn't offer to drive instead of me every morning and ask me if I felt sleepy, I might have believed him.

"But you have to take the bus home nearly every day." This is where Niall's plan had a few cracks, but it didn't throw im off track. 

"Taking the bus is interesting after not doing it for a while, and I haven't wasted money on tickets either." He sounded proud of that and I laughed while Louis and Harry just looked confused.

"Taking the bus is free for Niall, obviously." I snorted as he gave me a small clap on the arm, he wasn't really mad, there was a smile tugging on his lips. "If they catch you then please don't write down my address."

"But it's where I live." Niall complained, it made me feel a little better to hear him say that, because yeah, even if it wasn't official, we did live together. 

Luckily his mood brightened up again after the food came, seeing as he already had his mouth full before anyone had taken their fork, I decided to eat slowly and leave him the rest of mine, I was always doing that somehow, whenever we ate out at least. "Okay, now let's get to it."

Louis sounded like a professional while saying this, I had no idea what he even wanted to talk about, I had barely heard him, I was busy chuckling over Niall having trouble to swallow everything in his mouth because he was so close to laughing for no reason at all. "What is it?"

"Well, we realized that we should probably invite you guys' families as well." Bad idea, very bad.

"Why?" While rubbing Niall's back after he had finally managed to swallow, a little out of breath now, I tried to think of a reason why they would do something like that, sure, my mum was friends with their mum's, or used to be.

"It seems appropriate. We don't have to, though, but the chances a great that they won't come anyway, two weeks before is maybe a little too late." Well, hopefully.

"Don't invite my parents, they're gonna ruin everything, trust me, they won't have the decency to stop fighting even in church. Zayn won't come, unless you send the invitation to Perrie, then she's gonna drag him there." I had never actually met Zayn's girlfriend, but they've been together for longer than Louis and Harry have so that was pretty impressive. "With a bit of luck they'll invite you to their wedding as well."

"Zayn's getting married?" Niall just shrugged at my question, mumbling something like 'He better not', I had no idea why this made him angry but I assume it was because he didn't really have a good relationship with him and didn't want to drive so far just to be there when he got married.

"Liam, what about your family?" Shaking my head in horror obviously didn't count as an answer.

"Just don't." Harry and Louis seemed a little frustrated with us but Niall nodded approvingly to what I had said, leaning back as well so our shoulders were nearly touching now.

"Guys, what is with your families that is so bad? Who would you even invite if any of you got married?" No one, I didn't even want to get married because I didn't think anything good of it after both mine and Niall's parents had gotten a divorce, that's not something to say out loud here though.

"You guys, and Niall would be my best man." That was just fiction anyway, but Niall sat up immediately, his face glowing as he heard that he'd be my best man as well instead of only Harry's.

"Same and Liam would be my best man too." We high fived while the other two just groaned, I wanted to join because I didn't like the idea of Niall marrying some girl and moving out and leaving me all to myself, which had nothing to do with the fact that I'd be happy for him nevertheless.

"Fine then, we won't invite any of your family. I assume none of you is gonna bring anyone either?" It almost sounded offensive, but why should Louis put it any other way if this is how it was.

"Nope. Liam's my date." I wanted to spit my coke all across the table, which would've been inappropriate because it had obviously been a joke, also Niall's arm finding its way around my shoulder.

"Aww, then it's a good thing we made sure you're sitting next to each other." Where else would they have put us? "You would look so good if you were together."

"Oh, we already are, have we forgotten to tell you?" After jokes like these, Niall liked to take it too far, he kissed my cheek again and I couldn't help but smile as he let go of me just to link our fingers together on the table, it's been a long time since I had been holding his hand in public even if it was just for a laugh now.

"Well, in that case I'm gonna assume that if you two marry someday it would be each other which would mean me and Louis would be the only people there." For a second, I liked the idea until I nearly let go of Niall's hand in horror, why was I daydreaming about marrying him.

"We'll marry in Las Vegas at a drive thru and as a wedding present I want to be godfather of all of your kids, you have to at least adopt two because otherwise I can't play matchmaker between ours and yours." Was Niall just planning out our life together?

"Sounds like a reasonable plan, what are you gonna call them?" The other two were highly amused with him right now while I was still stuck being too aware of his fingers between mine.

"I want a boy and a girl, and we'll call the boy Niall junior because let's be honest, and Liam will pick the girl's name." Why in god's name could I imagine Niall calling his son Niall junior?

"Well, good thing you got all this figured out already, did Liam know about your plans? He seems a little surprised." I wasn't as surprised by Niall making up stories as I was about him still holding my hand to be honest, I also didn't really feel like pulling mine away, I just didn't want to destroy his act of course.

"Well he does now, but we agree on everything. Right, babe?" His cheeky grin left me no choice but to simply nod, he pulled his hand from mine now slowly, continuing to eat while I hoped to remember how normal breathing worked.

"Yeah, right." It didn't sound very convincing at all, especially not after I had wanted to try and act normal, so I smiled before deciding to follow Niall's example, if there was food in my mouth I couldn't say anything dumb.

The rest of lunch went by without anymore surprises from Niall's side, he leaned his head onto my shoulder after emptying his plate and the rest of mine, complaining that he was gonna be sick but he let me rub his tummy a little, actually he was enjoying it a little too much maybe. "Don't fall asleep, Ni."

"Yeah, you haven't even asked for dessert yet." I glared at Harry for bringing him such ideas but he just chuckled, Niall let out a groan.

"Don't talk about dessert, please, I don't wanna throw up onto Liam." He mumbled, turning more into me, I kinda regretted almost leaving him half of my food but I had been wanting to be nice and I hadn't been that hungry.

"Wow, who are you and what have you done to Niall? No dessert, I think I'll have to mark that day down in my calendar." Louis kept on teasing, I tried not to laugh because it was true, Niall ALWAYS ate dessert.

"Li, make them shut up." Now I felt really bad, he really didn't sound well, I wanted to do more for him than simply holding him close but I had no idea what so I pressed my lips to his forehead helplessly.

"They were just kidding, Nialler, how bad are you feeling?" We had been here for about two hours, a lot longer than I had expected so it wouldn't be rude if we said we had to go, but I had no idea if Niall would manage to reach my car.

"Bad…can we please go home?" This sounded worse than just eating a little too much, I had no idea what was really up, when Niall whined into my neck we all got a little more serious immediately.

"Of course. Should I carry you?" I would've been able to probably, I hadn't carried him in a while but he was really skinny so it shouldn't have been a problem.

"No, I can walk…" It didn't look as if he actually could, I tried to think of a way to get him to the car because he really seemed to be in pain, like, it got me worried that he would actually puke any second.

"You know what, I'll go and get the car, then you won't have to-"

"No, you can't go." He grabbed a fistful of my shirt all of a sudden after interrupting me, for a second I didn't know what was wrong but then I saw his face, he didn't want me to leave him. "Please don't."

"I'll go if you give me your keys, Liam." Louis and Harry both seemed to be worried about Niall as well now, he was really pale and curling up against me, this couldn't be from just overeating. 

"Thanks, Lou, one second." It was a little hard to even reach my pockets because Niall groaned whenever I moved, I didn't want to cause him anymore pain but I had no choice if I wanted Louis to get my car. "Here."

"I'll be outside in five minutes. Can you pay, babe?" Harry just nodded as his fiancé got up, giving him a quick peck on the lips before both of us brought our attention back to Niall clinging to me, I was trying to make him feel better by caressing his back softly and Harry looked as if he was up and about to come over to hold Niall as well.

"I knew I shouldn't have eaten…" This made me listen up, it almost sounded as if he had been expecting this.

"What do you mean, Ni? Have you felt bad before?" God damn it, why did he never tell me things like that, he was sick worried about me even if I was completely healthy while he was here cringing in pain.

"A little… I threw up breakfast after you dropped me off, but I felt better after that, I swear…" And now he felt like complete shit again, great, shit, why hadn't he told me that, I should've noticed when he had been quieter than usual in the car this morning.

"It's fine, Ni, I'll give you something so you'll feel better once we're home, okay?" If he got really sick then I had no idea what to do, I definitely wouldn't be able to leave him alone if he still felt bad tomorrow, Niall being sick was like the worst thing to happen, it broke my heart every single time.

"Maybe it's the flu, are you feeling feverish, Niall?" When Harry brought that up I wanted to groan, what if it really was something worse, I had no idea where he could've picked it up from.

"I don't know what I'm feeling, I wanna die…" His voice was thin, filled with pain, I don't think I could've felt more sorry for him, I couldn't even cuddle him as tight as I wanted to in case it might hurt.

After Harry came back from paying, I offered Niall again to carry him but he declined one more time, somehow managing to stand up somewhat straight, with my help at least, but I think he regretted it after one single step, so I had enough and simply swooped him up in my arms, not caring the little protest from his side or whatever someone might think about him having to be carried outside after eating here. "I can really walk, Li…"

"I know you can, but you're not going to." Luckily he was lighter than I had expected, as I just kept on walking Niall gave in, putting his arms around my neck while Harry held the door open for me. "Not much longer, Louis is already there."

"It's okay, I'll survive…" Not sure if I could trust his words, he chuckled for about one second before stopping immediately and moving a little which made him slip, I barely dared to readjust him in my arms when his face scrunched up in pain.

"Don't talk, Ni, try and close your eyes, I'm taking care of you." It really would be the best if he just slept in, I leaned down to kiss his forehead over his beanie, wanting nothing more than changing places with him, I'd take anything on me if he could just be alright again.

"Front or back?" Louis asked as soon as we reached my car, Niall wanted to sit in the front while pretending that he was alright, but I ignored what he said and made Louis open up the back door for me.

"Why are you never listening to what I'm saying…?" Niall grumbled, he obeyed though, helping a little so he could lie in the back seat while I couldn't hide a smile, rubbing his cheek with my thumb softly.

"Because I love you and I know what's best for you." Which was definitely not sitting up right now. "Lie down."

Surprisingly there was no more protest, he pressed one arm around his stomach and covered his face with the other as soon as his head hit the seat, I couldn't have cared less about his shoes making it dirty, I was just careful not to accidentally squish them in the door as I closed it carefully before turning back to Louis and Harry.

"Thanks for everything, really, you always pay and-"

"Liam, it doesn't matter, just get him home. If you need help, we only need fifteen minutes to your flat." This was why I loved them, I could rely on them 100%, if there would've been an emergency they'd leave everything standing just to come and it felt nice to have that kinda reassurance. "Get in, come on." 

I just nodded after throwing a glance at Niall in the backseat, quickly giving both of them a half hug and thanking them once more because it couldn't be said often enough before getting into my car. "Sleep if you can, babe."

"I can't, it feels like someone's stabbed me in the stomach." His voice nearly got lost, he was talking so quietly, half groaning the words.

"If you have to throw up then try to sit up so you won't choke." That was my only concern, well, and trying to drive carefully because Niall wasn't wearing a seatbelt or anything, he could've gotten seriously hurt, even more than he already was.

"Aren't you worried I will ruin your car?" No idea why Niall continued to answer me, I was here panicking he might die any second or something while he just asked me such unnecessary questions.

"Of course not, fuck this car, just stay alive please." Judging by the way he curled up into himself, that was the last thing he wanted, understandable, I still couldn't deal with the fact that he always kept such stupid things from me until it got impossible to hide them, same with the smoking out of stress, now he didn't even tell me anymore if he fucking threw up his breakfast.

Even if this got me worked up pretty badly I focused on keeping my mouth shut now, Niall shouldn't feel the need to make conversation with me if he clearly had other problems to deal with right now, I checked back on him at every possible chance, but not much changed, he just stayed half turned away from me, trying to move as little as possible which was quite difficult while lying in a car.

"You stay down, I'll come and get you. Niall, don't." He seriously attempted to get out of the car himself as soon as I stopped it, this was really fucking frustrating, I nearly forgot to pull the keys out from trying to reach him fast enough.

"It's gotten a little better, I can stand up, it's okay, Li." I just completely ignored his words, pulling him into my side while shutting the door and locking up, immediately lifting him into my arms again after that, even if he complained. "You don't have to carry me up the stairs, I can't be that light."

"I hardly feel your weight and I should be able to manage it, I'm not that old, you know." There was nothing to laugh about but Niall slightly chuckled anyway, in an attempt to make me believe that he was in alright when in reality he buried his face in my shoulder, all tensed up and with his fingers digging painfully into my skin.

In the end, he tried to talk me into putting him down so many times, I didn't even listen anymore until I didn't have a choice anymore since I couldn't hold him with one arm but I kinda had to lock up the door. "I'll just-"

"Finally lock up! Quick!" No idea what was wrong, his loud voice nearly made me jump, before I knew what was happening, Niall pushed my hand out of the way, nearly rippin the door out of the frame before half running inside, something smashed while I was still trying to figure out what had just happened as my thoughts got interrupted by gagging noises. 

"Shit…" I felt my heartbeat speeding up at this, the way to my bathroom only took me like 0.2 seconds however I felt like I wasted too much time before reaching Niall who was puking his guts out into my toilet.

The smell hit me immediately but I barely noticed it, I just put everything else aside from Niall needing me to comfort him, as soon as he he stopped throwing up for one second I flushed the toilet for him before getting down next to him to rub his back softly, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. "Y-You don't have to… stay…"

"I'm not leaving you alone, it's fine, babe, everything's fine." Just as I finished talking he started puking all over again, my poor Nialler, seeing him like this was the worst, he was so vulnerable, making all my protectiveness kick in immediately, especially when he started sobbing quietly in between. "Ni, it'll be over in a second, I'm here, it's all good…"

At first he weakly pushed me away with the arm he wasn't using to hold onto the toilet, but he gave up quickly as I didn't back off, carefully putting my arms around him and moving so he was kneeing in between my legs while I peppered his clothed shoulder with kisses, gently pulling his beanie off so I could run my fingers through his hair.

When he finally stopped, he went limp, still sniffing a little and just resting his cheek against the toilet lid while I reached out to flush again, getting some toilet paper. "Come here, babe." 

He made some kinda sound, lifting his head slowly as a tear rolled down his cheek, I caught it with my finger, holding his chin in place softly while cleaning his mouth, there was hardly anything there, I just wanted to make sure. "Liam…"

"What's the matter, Ni, are you feeling a little better now?" I just left my hand in his face after throwing the toilet paper away, cupping his cheeks softly to rub my thumbs over them slightly, his eyes were still watery, he was just one big mess.

"Hold me…" So that's what I did, letting him curl up in my arms, he was still between my legs, nestling down into my shoulder as I held him against my chest, resting my chin on his head. "Sorry…"

"For what?" Only Niall would think of apologizing now, I didn't like the fact that he still didn't feel any better as it seemed, I wanted to get him into bed but he was holding onto the one arm I had around him while I was stroking his hair with the other, obviously not wanting me to losen my grip on him.

"For this… it's disgusting…" This made me just tighten my arms, why would he think that, he was sick for crying out loud.

"You don't have to be sorry for being sick, Nialler, it's not your fault you had to puke. Do you still feel bad?" Obviously he did, I just wanted to know what exactly hurt because as I slipped my hand onto his forehead, it felt pretty hot to me.

"I-I don't know, I just… I'm tired and… I don't feel really well…I've been somewhat fine before making the mistake and eating…" Somewhat fine? How the hell had he managed to be so convincing?

"Niall, if you're sick you gotta tell me, Louis and Harry would've understood if we couldn't have come and if you ever feel bad while I'm at school you can just text me and I'll come and get you home." There was a reason why I made sure to check my phone in the breaks, especially now that Niall hadn't taken his car in a while, he was even more dependent on me.

"But I didn't feel THAT bad, just…. I'm sorry…" Always, he was always sorry for everything and it made me feel like complete shit.

"No, you're not, okay? As soon as you feel okay with it I'll bring you to bed and you can change your clothes and I'll get you whatever you want, alright?" He nodded against my neck, not making any attempts to stand up for a while so I rocked him in my arms a little, placing a few kisses into his hair while he relaxed a little, not much, but at least something.

"I think… I think I should wash my mouth…" As Niall lifted his head from my shoulder after a while of cuddling on the bathroom floor, I made sure to fully dry his cheeks, pushing the hair out of his face gently, he had gotten even paler.

"I'll hold you, alright?" Maybe he would've managed to stand up alone but I didn't want him to, besides Niall was too weak to answer, he just nodded, giving me a small smile as I kissed is sticky forehead before letting go of him for a second so I could get to my feet, stretching both my hands out towards him. "Careful."

At first he nearly slipped, so I made sure to keep my arm around his stomach at all times and stay behind him as he leaned over the sink to drink a little, spitting half of the water out again and coughing so I pet his back as far as that was possible. "It still tastes like shit but I don't wanna brush my teeth…"

"It's fine, take some mouthwash, here. But don't swallow." Well, Niall probably knew that it wasn't meant for drinking, but he seemed nothing besides thankful as I handed it to him, luckily he didn't nearly choke anymore this time. "Better?"

"Yeah…thank-" Niall was interrupted by a really cute yaw, I smiled a little against the back of his head, grabbing his hips softly to turn him so it'd be easier to pick him up, there was no way I'd have him walk now. "…you."

"You're welcome. Bed?" I think he was either starting to realize that I wasn't up for discussion about the carrying thing or maybe he was just too tired to care, probably both because he immediately put his arms around my neck as I lifted him into my arms. "I haven't carried you like this in forever."

"Hmm… it's nice." It seemed like he meant it, there was a sleepy smile before he snuggled his head into my shoulder, making my heart jump a little.

Niall decided that he could impossibly put on new pants or a shirt, so all he did in the end was taking off his jeans and socks with my help, crawling underneath my blanket that I held open for him so I could tug him in properly. I really didn't feel like getting up while seeing him like this but I kinda had to so I kissed his forehead once more, telling him I'd be right back and that he should try and stay awake at least until then. 

After I had gotten everything and entered my room again, Niall was all curled up, his eyes were still half open as I sat down on the edge of my bed again, so that was good. "Open your mouth a little, we gotta measure your temperature, okay?"

He just obeyed, looking half asleep already, I wished I could've just given him the pills and let him sleep but I wanted to see how bad he really was first so we had to wait a little, I combed my fingers through his hair meanwhile and Niall nearly purred at my touch. There was no way I'd go to work tomorrow if he was like this.

"Okay, let's see…" There was hardly any reaction as I took the thermometer out of his mouth again, he did have fever, unsurprisingly, it was a little more than I had expected but it could've been worse so I smiled at him nevertheless. "Alright, you're gonna be okay, Ni, if you can manage to sit up just a little to swallow you can go right to sleep after that, I promise."

"Okay…" Actually he didn't manage that, I was the one holding him up with my hand on his back, but it was okay because it went rather smoothly, I made sure his head hit the pillow afterwards, pulling the blanket higher as his eyes had already dropped closed.

"Sleep tight, babe.." As I leaned down to kiss his temple, thinking he had already passed out, I felt some cold fingers weakly holding onto my wrist, I quickly put mine on top to warm them up, rubbing gently.

"Stay…" This made my heart flatter, I wouldn't have gone away anyway but Niall asking me to stay got me feeling needed and I liked that he wanted to keep me around.

That's exactly what I did, I stayed on the edge of his bed while he slept, variously stroking his face tenderly or holding his hand sometimes, the only time I got up was to wet a towel for Niall's forehead because he was burning up, the second to go take a shower myself before slipping in bed next to him when it got late. I had to use the second blanket because Niall was all wrapped up and snuggly in mine, I didn't wanna disturb him, I just wrapped an arm around him to pull him back against me, searching for his hand to intertwine our fingers before closing my eyes as well.

 

———

 

"Li… Li, wake up…L-Liam…" Something poking my arm plus the noise made me turn onto my back, I groaned a little, trying to figure out what was going on, completely unaware right now.

"S' matter, babe?" Obviously it was Niall and… oh. "Are you feeling sick? Are you okay, what's wrong?!"

I turned on the lights, hurting both our eyes for a second but I sat up anyway to look right into Niall's face, he had been crying badly according to the red spots and the way he was trying hard not to sob right now. "I-I… I had a bad d-dream…Can I s-sleep w-with you over on your s-side?"

"Aww, of course you can, come here, it was just a dream, Ni." He always got way more cuddly and affectionate when he was sick, also he needed me to baby him, he usually was all over me wanting kisses and being held, which was good because I was exactly the same when he was sick.

Niall didn't hesitate for one second, he stopped playing with his fingers, crawling into my arms that I held open for him, I must've moved in my sleep because we definitely had been very close before I had slept in, at least now I got to cover Niall up with my own blanket as he snuggled up against me. "Sorry for waking you…"

"Hey, no, you should always wake me when something's up. Do you wanna talk about it, Ni?" I wasn't really sure if he did because as I leaned back against my pillow again, he nuzzled his face into the crook of my shoulder, pressing himself as tightly into my side as possible while his arm wound around my stomach.

"I-I don't k-know…if I say it… it makes it more real..:" There was a slight shiver going through his body that I felt all too well, I was holding him really tight already, all I could do was making sure we were both covered with the blanket, burying my face in his hair after pressing a few soft kisses onto his head.

"It's not real, it was just a dream, babe. But you don't have to say it if you don't want to, everything is fine, okay?" Getting woken up by him because of nightmares was really rare, thinking about it, usually nothing could disturb his sleep so of course I was worried, I hoped it was only because of him being sick and not caused by something else.

"N-No, it's not, I… I can't stop thinking about monday…" That changed the situation, a lot.

"Niall…" There was no way he would agree to sit up and look at me so I had to suffer like this, not seeing his face but clearly hearing it from the sound of his voice that he was close to crying again, I squeezed him tighter.

"It's… it's not that important…" I couldn't just leave it like this, I just managed to hold back a sigh, why the hell had I thought it was a good idea to go to the gym?!

"What did you dream?" There was some connection and I would've been really dumb not to have at least an idea what his nightmare had been about, I hated that I was causing him so much stress and anxiety, all while he was sick as hell too.

"Well…w-what do you think?" Right, I was just making this worse, there wasn't a lot for an option, in the end, we were talking about the same thing.

"Ni, I'm completely fine, I'm sorry that I was late and that my phone was out of battery, it won't happen again and I'm driving carefully, I promise. Do you think I would leave you alone, because that won't happen." Not ever, I wished I could've told him something to really calm him down but he remained tensed, I felt his fingers twisting into my shirt nervously.

"I know, but I… I woke up and… I thought it's been real so I woke you… just to be sure…" After hearing this I really hoped I wasn't squishing him, I just couldn't help it, his voice was so broken and scared, all because of me.

"I'm sorry, babe, I swear that nothing is going to happen to me, we can stay up all night if that makes you feel better." His hair was still soft and fluffy as I combed my fingers through, knowing that it made him sleepy when I played with it, or at least calm down a little.

"No, but…I just can't stand the thought of losing you…" There was a tiny sniff that made my heart ache, I moved my hand to his cheek now, he wasn't crying yet but I still liked to stroke his skin softly, feeling him cuddle into me tighter.

"You won't lose me, I promise, I'm always gonna be here if you need me." I knew that that wasn't exactly what he meant, he was more like thinking of an accident or so, but I didn't wanna imagine things like that, I wanted us to stay like this forever, which clearly was a nice fantasy but nothing more. It's just, if Niall was the only person alive besides me then I wouldn't mind too much.

"It's okay… we should probably go back to sleep, it's four in the morning…" The time was the last thing mattering to me now, but before I could get a glimpse of his face as he suddenly leaned up a little, he reached past me, turning the light off to plunge us in complete darkness again.

"I'll stay awake until you're asleep, alright?" Not like I would've been able to fall asleep now, but I didn't want to risk him having another one of those nightmares and having to wake me again, it was enough that he coughed a little while snuggling back down in my arms, his forehead brushed my neck, it was still burning. "Do you need me to get you anything?"

"No… just please don't let me go, Li." No need to ask for that, we were already wrapped up into each other, Niall had even brought himself closer by putting his leg in between mine, leaving him half on top of me.

"No worries, I'm here, I'm not going to go anywhere." He sighed quietly, I hoped it was because he had calmed down a little but I had no idea, all I knew was that I was going to lose my mind soon, Niall being sick and sad were two things I couldn't handle, so this situation was everything that tore me down combined. I didn't want him to go to sleep without knowing how much he meant to me, not that I would've been able to put it into words, I just whispered what came closest to what I felt. "I love you."

"I love you too…" The tiny yaw helped me calm down, not even close to where I would've been able to relax and sleep, but at least now I was sure that Niall would be able to, maybe he was so tired that he wouldn't remember this anymore in the morning, it would be better for him anyway.

I didn't once let go of him like I had promised, Niall got a little heavier after a few minutes, also his grip around my shirt loosened a bit and I knew he had fallen asleep again, breathing against my neck now. 

The thing was that I'd have to get up in a few hours anyway, even if I didn't know whether I'd go to work or not, I'd have to call in sick and give Niall some medicine, so after staying awake for one and a half hour, simply stroking Niall's hair and face, sometimes talking to him quietly to make sure to keep the nightmares away, I just decided to stay awake altogether, turning my alarm off before it was even time for it so Niall wouldn't be disturbed.

Time seemed to pass by really fast like this, I was feeling okay for now, keeping Niall safe in my arms, knowing that he wasn't hurting right now since he was so deeply asleep, he hardly even moved, I hoped that meant no bad dreams anymore, he didn't deserve it, all he should be was happy and safe, I'd give anything for that.

As I attempted to get up as my phone read 7:50 am, there was almost no resistance which meant that Niall didn't even notice, he hugged the pillow instead of me after I had gotten up, rearranging the blanket over him. There was no need to wake him now, I let him sleep for another ten minutes while going to the bathroom and getting a glass of water for him, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

I felt heartless for daring to disturb his sleep when he looked like an angel sleeping, I couldn't see a lot of him since the only light source came from the hall, but I knew what he looked like asleep. "Ni, babe, can you wake up for a second, please? Just for a second, I promise."

"Hmmm…" He tried to turn away from me but I stopped him, leaning over to press a kiss onto his forehead, my lips felt as if they were burning afterwards, but at least his eyes half flattered open as he squirmed underneath me. "I'm tireeed…"

"I know, baby, please just swallow this, for me?" Clearly, he didn't want to, but I got one arm under the blanket and around him to help him sit up, trying to go quick, because he looked like passing out, hardly even opening his mouth for me to get the pill in before trying not to spill the water as he just took one small sip. "Alright, good job, Ni, careful."

Actually I expected him to fall asleep right after I softly helped him lying back down, pulling the blanket up higher before stroking his cheek, but he lifted his arm to hold my hand pressed against his face, probably because it was cooling him down, poor baby. "Are you gonna go to work?"

"Not if you don't want me to." Looking down at him it shouldn't even have been a question whether I'd go or not, I actually expected him to tell me to stay anyway but he surprised me.

"It's okay… you can go, I'll probably not notice because I feel like passing out…" His voice was really hard to understand, he was hardly able to keep his eyes open and I believed him immediately that he wouldn't notice, but still.

"Are you sure? I don't mind calling in sick." It wasn't really appreciated to do that but there would be no consequences whatsoever, Niall would be worth it anyway, I had a bad feeling he was just trying to prove to me that he couldn't remember our conversation a few hours before.

"No, it's fine… Just come back to me again soon." Today wasn't my shortest day at school, I didn't really feel good about leaving Niall behind, but he was telling me to go and he didn't sound as if he was forcing himself to do it so maybe it'd be fine if I did go.

"Of course I will, I'll get you something to eat before I come back, okay? If you remember you can take the medicine again in a few hours, but if you're asleep that'd probably help more." Niall just nodded weakly to all of this, yawning while I just said everything that I could remember right now just to make sure he'd be okay all by himself because I wouldn't be.

"Okay…take care, Li, please." He turned his head now, pressing a kiss into my palm, I also got a sleepy smile before he let his eyes fall closed, snuggling down into the blanket and making me go soft at this sight, he looked like fifteen or something.

"Of course. Just sleep, babe, sweet dreams, I'll be back in no time." Since the best for him would be to sleep, I had lowered my voice, pressing another kiss to his forehead before deciding to kiss his nose too because I couldn't resist, he just smiled a little, keeping his eyes closed. 

I forced myself not to stay longer, but rather got dressed and looked for all of my stuff for school, trying to be quiet while checking on Niall every few minutes, but he was fast asleep again.

Before I left I made sure to make him some tea, keeping it in one of those bottles that'd keep it warm, I got some crackers too, not sure if he could keep those in but I had hope and a bottle of water and some tissues because I was overprotective and couldn't help myself being worried already.

In the end, I was nearly running late because I came back to check on him one last time, watching him sleep for a few seconds and kissing his temple softly, rubbing it with my thumb a little after putting all the stuff on his bedside table, along with a note.

 

_text me or call if anythings wrong, ill be back by four, hope you're better until then :) i love you a lot & i'm missing you already, Liam xxx_

 

Hopefully this would do, I almost stayed in the end but forced myself to go without throwing a glance back, he'd be fine by himself, I was the problem here, because I knew there would be nothing on my mind besides Niall all day long, I even texted Louis and Harry to explain the situation, just to be sure that they'd be ready to drive to my flat in case anything happened and I couldn't get there quick enough. Not that it was necessary to have thoughts like this, I just did.

There was literally no sign of life from Niall all day long, I tried not to panic but I did a little, still, I kept myself from calling him or sending someone over to check on him, I also somehow managed to go to the store after school, buying some stuff that I thought would be useful even if I wanted to jog back to my flat if necessary.

When I finally stepped inside, all the panic fell off of me immediately, the TV was on and as I popped my head into the living room, Niall was curled up on the couch, a blanket only covering him half up as he slept, making me smile nevertheless. He was alright, he had even managed to get up, this was a good sign.

Once I put all the stuff down and got closer to the couch, my heart melted, Niall was snuggling with one of my hoodies, actually the one I had worn yesterday and just thrown somewhere in my room, but he had his face nuzzled into it now while sleeping soundly, this was just too cute to be true.

Since he took up all of the room on the couch I just sat on the floor next to his head, fixing the blanket so his legs were covered as well, he was wearing sweatpants and a shirt now, also, his hair looked a lot fluffier than before which probably meant he had taken a shower too. This wasn't really healthy right now but not like I could've done anything, he would've had to go shower again at some point. 

I didn't say anything but just reached out to stroke his cheek gently, making him sigh something in his sleep, I didn't think it was an actual word but then he said it louder. "…Liam….Li…"

"Shh, I'm right here." No idea if anything was wrong or not, maybe he was just mumbling my name in his dreams, it sounded like it actually, it made me feel a little weird, but not in a bad way.

While I continued to stroke his hair out of his face, he moved a little, rubbing his eyes before they flattered open as he put his arm down again, looking right at me, surprised before a smile started to form. "You're back."

"Yes, I am, hey." I couldn't help but chuckle when he launched himself forward to hug me, resting his head on my shoulder after pressing a sloppy kiss onto my cheek while I rubbed up and down his back. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, I guess, I only woke up like an hour ago and I ate the crackers you left me and since I didn't throw up I figured I could take a shower so now I don't feel so sick anymore. Thank you for the tea and all the stuff." I pressed my hand against his forehead shortly as soon as he pulled back, it was still hot but maybe a little less than before, his face was always quite pale so I wasn't really sure how to tell if he had gotten better or not.

"No problem. It's good that you're out of bed though, are you hungry? I bought a few things, I'll make you something." Even if he said no then I probably would still make him, he had to eat more than those crackers and even if he seemed more lively again, I could tell that he was still sick. 

"Okay, I'll come." It was a bit of a surprise that he got up with me, still holding my hoodie in his hands as if he didn't even notice. "Oh, right, I… kinda used this as a pillow, I hope you don't mind." 

"Of course not, you should maybe put it on, so you don't get cold again… or actually…" Before fully thinking this through, I leaned down, holding Niall's wrist with one hand just to be sure he wouldn't fall, getting the blanket to wrap it around his shoulders. "Are you sure walking is such a good idea?"

"Well, I - Liam!" I had just picked him up bridal style like yesterday, which made him giggle, it felt really good to hear this sound again because I had missed it a lot actually.

"I just want to be sure you're safe, Ni." He closed his eyes as I leaned down, pressing my forehead against his for a second instead of a kiss like I had planned on, I just felt the need to constantly show him how much I loved him, it made me extra happy if he returned the affections by simply rubbing the back of my neck with his thumb as he wrapped his arms around me, or playing with my hair softly.

"I am when I'm with you. How was your day?" His mood had increased incredibly, I wasn't even sure whether I should give him the pills again, but I guess we'd have to see, for now I was just pleased with cradling him to my chest.

"Umm… boring, actually, I was… worried about you and time wouldn't pass so yeah…" No need to tell him I had been up and about to just drive back home, but his face had already fallen a little after this.

"Well… I was worried about you too… but we're both fine, right? So it's all good." This was more him calming himself down, I didn't know what to answer, but we reached the kitchen so I carefully put him onto his feet again, holding his waist for a bit to make sure he could manage it.

"Do you want some soup? I can also make something else, but I think you should try and keep that in first." Something told me that he'd agree to everything I suggested because the smile was suddenly not to be wiped out of his face, he just kissed my cheek once more unexpectedly, nearly making me blush.

"Soup is great, thank you." He rearranged the blanket around himself before sitting down on his usual chair, eyes still on me, I don't think he had looked away, not even while I had been carrying him. 

"Alright, soup it is." At least there wasn't much to do wrong while cooking soup, my skills already were very poor but feeling Niall's stare in my back somehow made me wanna try harder because I wanted him to get healthy again so I found myself a little overwhelmed with the soup, who would've thought this could be THAT hard?

"No, no, it really is good, Li, why don't you just believe me?" About fifteen minutes later, Niall was seriously eating whole spoons full of what I had made, not even scrunching his face up once.

"I just don't want to poison you unintentionally, that's all." We were actually sitting closer than it would be considered normal, since I wasn't eating anything, I had pulled my chair next to Niall's while he tried to not choke on what I had cooked with my hand rubbing his back and the other just resting on his thigh that was pressing against mine because of the lack of distance. 

"Don't be silly, there's not much you can do wrong and I think I'm feeling better already." He lied for my sake, quickly kissing my cheek and giving me a smile before continuing to eat, leaning into my side.

"That's good, maybe tomorrow you can slowly start eating normally again." I knew that as soon as he would feel the slightest bit better he'd tend to jump around again as if nothing had happened, so it was good that I was here, to make sure he took it easy.

"I think I could do it now as well actually, I just feel a little tired and maybe cold but that's all." There was a great change he was just playing it down, I leaned my cheek against his head, feeling sleepy as well actually.

"Maybe you should give your stomach a rest before risking anything, just to be on the safe side. Are you still hungry?" As he finished his soup, putting the spoon down so he'd be able to lean back, I had to shift a little just so I could make sure we'd stay close to each other, I hated not hearing anything from him for so many hours, it was no surprise that it ended with me all over him now.

"No, I'm good. We should watch some TV, and maybe nap because you look more tired than I do." Was it that obvious?

"Yeah… but I think I'll go and change the sheets on the bed before joining you, if it's clean you're not gonna infect yourself again. Did you put the old clothes into the washing machine?" Niall started chuckling at this, he actually pulled back, to my displeasure, looking right at me, I liked seeing how his nose scrunched up when he laughed.

"Yes, mum." He got a little poke into his side for that comment, I regretted it immediately, thinking I might have hurt him but he didn't even flinch luckily.

"I'm just making sure you're alright, Ni, don't-"

"Sht, I know, and I really appreciate it. Sorry." The fact that he had to bite his bottom lip to keep himself from grinning too much clearly showed me that he wasn't actually sorry, but it made me smile nevertheless, especially as he put one of his arms around my shoulders, playing with the hem of my shirt absently. "I just only thought about this, what if I infected YOU?"

"You didn't, I never get sick and it'd be too late already." Besides, it would mean that we'd have to stop touching this much, I think I'd take any kind of illness on me to have an excuse for why we had to share my bed. "Let me carry you to the couch?"

"Sure." Niall rolled his eyes, but he didn't seem to think that my idea was that bad, he snuggled up to me, making it really hard to put him down again or leave, also because he kept holding onto me, saying that I could still change the sheets later.

I didn't give in to him in the end however I also only took like fifteen minutes, which were worth it because Niall held the blanket open for me as soon as I came to sit with him on the couch, he also put his legs across my lap, snuggling up against my arm. "Don't you think it's funny how I'm almost two years older than you have been when you moved here?" 

"Well, yeah, actually, doesn't seem like so much time has passed." How'd he get to that topic while I was gone? "And you're nearly as tall as me now too."

"Almost… but I don't think I will be, besides you always look bigger than me anyway because you got so many muscles." He pocked my arm slightly, smiling sheepishly as I turned my head to look at him. Before I got to say something, he searched for my hand under the blanket, not keeping his around but rather holding it up, spreading his fingers.

For a second, I wasn't sure what he was doing but then I realized he wanted to compare our hand sizes so I put my palm against his, my fingers were only half a centimeter longer than his, which made me think as well, I remembered when his hand had nearly gotten lost in mine a few years ago. "See? Almost there."

"Hmm… but maybe I like being smaller, you can carry me around better like this." Instead of lowering his hand again, he just moved it for an inch or so, filling the spaces between my fingers with his. 

"I thought you didn't like that." My cheeks got a little hotter as he pressed the back of my hand against his lips before keeping it in his lap, still holding on to it. 

"Of course I do, I just like to pretend I don't because you're always so creative trying to convince me." Wow, I hadn't thought I could blush even worse but I did after that while Niall just giggled again, squeezing my hand a little tighter as he snuggled his head into my shoulder.

"Well…" I wasn't so creative when it came to finding a suitable answer obviously, to my excuse, our fingers were still intertwined.

"Change of topic?" Just like that, he started talking about the soap that was on, to my relief, he also stayed cuddled up into my side and I liked just hearing what he had to say, it actually was my favorite thing in the world when we were close like this and there was nothing wrong with me giving him too many kisses or hugging him too hard because he did just the same.

 

———

 

Niall had a few complications staying asleep that night so we didn't do anything on saturday either, I graded a few tests for my middle school class and Niall had fun drawing smileys for everyone underneath, but that was about the only productive thing that we managed to get done.

The thing was, I actually starting to feel worse than he did, I was almost always tired, cold as well but since Niall always carried the blanket around and put it around me too I didn't notice it that much. 

My arguments that my week had been hard stopped working the second I was the one puking my guts out on sunday after breakfast, I told Niall to go but he didn't even answer, he just stayed with me, rubbing my back and immediately jumping into caring mood, even though I kinda liked that, I was still being stubborn. "Ni, I'm fine, I just ate too fast and-"

"Yeah, alright, just let me take care of you, okay? Just this one time?" So I agreed, but only because I was too tired to resist his soft strokes over my cheeks or how he pulled me into his arms afterwards in bed, telling me to go back to sleep because he got me while kissing the top of my head. "I always do."

"I know, babe. I love you."

 

———

 

"Well, this is gonna be hard after Niall giving such an inspiring speech." My heart was actually racing, I was really trying my hardest, I promise, it made me feel a little calmer to look down at Niall, who was holding his thumbs up, trying to encourage me, so I took a breath, turning back to Louis and Harry and imaging that it was just the three of us. "Guys, I actually still can't believe that I just watched you getting married, and I'm so sorry because I forgot everything I wanted to say earlier in church when it hit me that this is real. And I can still remember the day that Harry came over to my house eight years ago and survived hours with our mums just because he wanted to tell me how bad his crush on Louis was. Or how I sent Niall as a spy to get what was going on because I literally can't tell you how hard it was to play matchmaker between the two of you. I like to think that it is actually thanks to me that you are here today but the truth is that you figured it out by yourselves, and I'm so happy for you, you have no idea. I'm so lucky to have friends like you and it means the world to me that you asked me to be your best man, Lou. It's good to know that you're both gonna be in good hands, take care of each other like you always have and thank you again, for everything, I love you guys, you mean so much to me and I wouldn't be where I am without either of you." Nope, I still hadn't calmed down, my hands felt really sweaty plus Harry's lap seemed to be a pretty good place to puke into.

Before I got to take another breath though, I heard Niall getting to his feet, he was clapping so loudly and obviously it was almost embarrassing, not that I could've gotten any more blushed. "That was way better than mine, you douche!"

At least a few people laughed at this as they started clapping as well, I quickly sat back down, trying to forget that all of the attention had just been on me for more than one second, it was a surprise I hadn't stumbled over my words.

Harry and Louis were at least both smiling at me softly, I tried not to look at them because it got me even more embarrassed, the only person I was okay with sharing my feelings with was Niall, he tried to get everyone to clap a little harder for me before getting back into his seat next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder to lean so close, I nearly felt his lips brushing my ear. "You did so good, Li, there's no need to get embarrassed."

"But you were way more funny." It's true, Niall had gotten everyone laughing, unintentionally or not, it just came natural to him to crack jokes.

"I didn't plan on making so many naughty jokes, I was nervous too and I just started rambling. Do you really think I planned to talk about how I walked in on them fucking when I had been twelve, I think Harry's relatives thought he's still a virgin." While we whispered to each other, some of Louis' and Harry's other friends had things to say too obviously, but I didn't pay that much attention, because I didn't have anything to do with them. Niall got along with them though, but only because he got along with everyone and right now all he was busy with was still having his arm around my shoulder, rubbing circles. "I wish this guy would just stop talking, I feel too sober for a wedding."

"Niall!" It didn't come out loud, just loud enough for him to hear that I didn't approve of what he had said, I turned my head to look at him, only getting a shrug. "Are you at least gonna keep it under control?"

"I can't make any promises tonight, but you're gonna have a drink with me, it's decided, Louis and Harry are gonna be busy with each other and I'm not allowed to talk to their relatives because they all think I'm hitting on every person I see so you're the only one who'd agree to do it. Please? It's a special day." His smile was gorgeous, I mean, Niall looked gorgeous in general today, with his hair done and the suit, I'd dare to say he looked better than anyone else here.

"Did they really tell you you're not allowed to talk to their relatives?" This nearly made me laugh out loud, but we still had to whisper so I bit the inside of my cheek to keep it together.

"That's not funny, Li." He let go of me to slap my arm playfully while I just grinned, I would've payed to hear that conversation. "I haven't hooked up with anyone since my birthday."

"That's two months, I wouldn't consider that a long time." Did I really want to remember his birthday? Wait, no, I did not.

"But I do, I mean, it's not like I'm a total whore or-"

"Would you finally be quiet?!" We both winced at that voice, coming from some woman who I think was Louis' aunt or something, she nearly hissed at us, obviously really keen on hearing what one of Harry's friends from college had to say. Well, I'm gonna take a wild guess and say it was more intelligent than anything that had come from mine or Niall's mouth.

"I'm not a whore." Niall muttered, receiving another threatening glare that made him roll his eyes at me while I just sticked to smiling at him, putting my arm over the back of his chair as if it had always been there.

We listened to some of Harry's and Louis' friends talking, rather amused, one time someone said 'and knowing you since four years already blablabla ' which made Niall chuckle, he then started to cough really loudly and on pure purpose, in fact, a few people turned around to stare at us, I just pet his back, playing along because truth be told, this guy talking was a douche and altogether me and Niall were the only ones who have known Louis and Harry for that long, besides their family of course.

This all lasted for another half an hour, I was so glad when everyone started to break into conversations again and there was some music as well, making it impossible for anyone to hear what me and Niall were talking about. "Do you think we should go find Lou and Haz?"

"I already found them." Niall looked into the same direction that I already was, our friends had made sure to keep everyone away by first of all pretending to be simply dancing before going over to full on snogging by their garden house, lucky them their garden was so big. "I feel like I'm invading their privacy even from this distance."

"Same. Let's go get a drink, come on." Obviously there was no reason to resist today, Niall was being extra persistent about making me, so I thought why not, besides, I was also happy that he didn't leave me alone, no, he actually dragged me along by my wrist for a bit, always making sure I was still there afterwards because it would've been easy to get lost between all those people, plus the size of the garden.

The good thing was that no one really had any interest in us here, we did say hi to Gemma and some other family members, but in general it just was Niall and me on our own. Can't say I wanted to complain.

"I've got an idea." Before I could stop him, Niall had just opened the fridge, throwing a glance around to make sure no one was in the kitchen near us before he just took a whole bottle out.

"Niall, put it back, we don't live here, it's-"

"Come on, do you really think Louis and Harry are gonna come downstairs tomorrow and look into the fridge thinking, hm, we just got married yesterday but what's way more important is that Liam and Niall must've stolen our whiskey. They probably won't even be able to walk." My mouth dropped open a little at what he said last, but he just laughed, actually grabbing my hand to pull me after him as I froze.

"What are you doing, Ni?" There was too little resistance coming from me, I should've been the mature one and stepped in about right now, but somehow I didn't.

"Finding somewhere we won't get hateful stares from every corner." Because we would of course, if we would drink out of this bottle on the table, not that I should've been drinking out of any bottles at all, and Niall shouldn't either, but I must admit, I wasn't so turned down by the idea of escaping the crowd.

I promise that was the only reason why I let Niall take the lead, he let go of me after a while, grinning at me as if this was the greatest thing in the world, I felt like a teenager, sneaking off with alcohol, only that I wouldn't know what that would be like since I had never done such thing and I also shouldn't be starting now, at my best friends' wedding. 

"Do you actually have a plan where we're going?" It looked like he did but I wasn't really sure, I was just following him blindly, trying not to judge myself too harshly for this.

"Yep. We're going to the other side of the house." Well, that wasn't such a secret place at all actually, but no one would be there anyway because why would they if everyone else was in the garden.

Niall didn't have any problem sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall of the house, it was much more quiet than on the other side, even if it was still too loud to call it peaceful, but the sight was actually. Since it was the last house of the street, you were just looking at a field, because the hedge hadn't fully grown yet. For a second I contemplated whether I should really sit on the ground with a suit on but Niall smiled at me brightly while starting to take his tie and jacket off so screw it. "We're literally sitting on hundreds of pounds."

"Did you plan on ever wearing this suit again?" True, no one else would invite me to their wedding, I started freeing myself from the layer of clothes as well, we were lucky it hadn't gotten too cold yet despite the fact that it was November. "I wish I would've taken my other shoes, those suck."

"Yeah, mine do too, but it's only for a few hours." A whole lot actually, I had a feeling it'd be inappropriate to leave a wedding just because your shoes hurt.

"I know a way to forget about them." I looked over as Niall was about to open the whiskey, my alarms kicking in again.

"Maybe we shouldn't, I'm not used to drinking, I-"

"You don't have to, Li, I'm not gonna force you into anything." Yeah, but I meant WE shouldn't, not just me.

Before I got to find a convincing argument, he already had the bottle on his lips, not taking a really big sip, but he was still keeping it in his mouth as he held the bottle towards me, I took it, first of all only to keep it from him but then I thought, well, why not, I would just only drink a little bit. The taste was weird since I wasn't used to it so i quickly gave it back to Niall again who just laughed at my face loudly. 

"Aww, it's not that bad, or is it?" He easily drank more, as if it was water or something, I would've found this worryingly however I was trying to figure out if I liked it or not.

"Well, it's… interesting I'd say." With a slight bit of disgusting, but I took the bottle from his hand once more as he handed it back, with a cheeky grin, this was the first time I had actually agreed to drink a little more with him, or drink more than one glass in general. "I still can't believe that today actually happened. They're fucking married now. I feel so old."

"Well, you're about the most handsome guy here so I guess if you're old then I have a kink for elderly guys." Then he stopped for a second, as if he was seriously thinking about this. "Guess I could live with that."

"Um, thanks?" Did he mean it? That I'm handsome I mean, the other stuff was… well.

"No problem, it's the truth. Here." Maybe it was the blinding smile, or the fact that our shoulders brushed together when Niall moved and nearly made me jump, but most of all it was that I turned my brain off as he handed me the bottle back after drinking, it was wrong to drink so much, I wasn't used to it and I should have known better, but I guess I liked the fact that he stayed with me and didn't run off to have a drink with someone else. "You know, when I was sick at the restaurant and we talked about how we would be each other's best men?"

"Uh, yeah. Why?" Somehow this made me nervous, what was he trying to tell me, he was nineteen.

"Maybe it's weird to think about this today but I don't think I'll ever get married." Thank god, I had actually nearly felt my heart stop, now I felt safe again to lean my head back.

"Why not?" He was probably just saying this now, I looked at him, regretting it because he was opening up the first few buttons of his shirt, making me blush for watching.

"Because Louis and Harry are so happy it makes me feel jealous. They've been together for eight YEARS, I haven't even managed a relationship for four weeks." Hearing this out of his month surprised me, but then I remembered the whiskey in his hands. "And the only person I have known for eight years and that still is in my life and isn't married or my family is you." 

"I could say the same." Just because this was a depressing topic, I drank a little more, Niall did too and when he put his head onto my shoulder this time, I already felt mine spin a bit.

"Maybe we should hook up and see how it goes." He joked and then we both laughed, it wasn't even that funny, it was actually quite worrying that I found this amusing at all.

"And marry in a drive thru and adopt two kids?" I remembered the conversation at the restaurant, blurry, but I did, also Niall's hair brushing my cheek felt too intense, but I didn't mind. 

"My ideas must've impressed you if you haven't forgotten about them yet. Maybe… maybe we should really do that. I wouldn't mind marrying you." What a compliment. The state that I was in thanks to the half empty whiskey didn't allow me to judge this situation properly, so all I did was chuckling, placing my hand really inappropriately on his thigh. "Can I take this as in you wouldn't mind either or is this just a really pathetic try to get into my pants?"

"Maybe it's both, in that order." Niall laughed hysterically at this, I must admit, alcohol didn't need very long for me to kick in.

"But in the backyard at our best friends' wedding? Dirty, Liam." I felt him grabbing hold of my hand though, not moving it away but keeping it there.

"Is it working?" At this point I maybe would've been able to save the situation, but then I reached out for the whiskey with my free hand and I guess it was over there.

"Maybe… hey, don't drink so much, you had way more than me already, I'm the one who stole it, if you empty it you have to get a new one and I know that you're gonna shit your pants." As he reached over to get it, he nearly fell into my lap, making both of us laugh, I put my arm around him, kissing his head and then I thought, oh, maybe I should do it again, three more times. "Come onnn, don't be mean!"

"Alright, here you go." To my displeasure, he fully sat up again after I had given him the bottle, grinning at me triumphantly. Damn it, he looked good with his cheeks blushed and his hair a little messed up, plus the fact that he had opened up some of his buttons was giving me more inappropriate thoughts than I would like to admit.

"Stop staring at me like that, Li. You know what? I'm suddenly really hungry, let's go eat something." I had no chance to agree or disagree, all I knew was that Niall just put the whiskey down, getting up to his feet a little clumsily, but I guess he didn't feel it so much whenever he drank, which would also mean that he almost always had a whole lot more than I knew.

Me on the other hand, I had quite some trouble standing up now, Niall held my hand, trying to help me but actually he was just trying not to laugh too hard, yeah, as I might have already mentioned a few times, I'm not good with alcohol and I had really crossed lines that day. "We should… take our stuff."

"No, we shouldn't, we'll get it later, come one." So we left our jackets behind, I didn't have much say in this, because I needed Niall for support, not only because I wasn't so good on my feet but I also didn't really feel a need to bring too much distance between us, luckily Niall had the same thoughts, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "It probably wasn't a good idea to drink so much, but I'll make sure you're okay." 

"I'm completely fine." Right then, I nearly stumbled into some woman who immediately rolled her eyes at us which had Niall laughing so much it nearly hurt in my ears.

"Yeah, sure, Payno." Even that nickname somehow amused me too much today.

Maybe the state that we were in would've gone by unnoticed by everyone since no one payed any attention to us, or didn't want to, but after Niall decided that it was essential for him to get cake and then nearly force the fork into my mouth, we got some visitors at our table. "Guys… what… are you guys drunk?"

"Well hello Harold and Louis, please define drunk?" It either was the way Niall talked or how his voice sounded in general, I didn't notice anything right there because we were both just laughing, but I know how he sounded after drinking too much, and Louis and Harry did too, but I guess Niall wasn't the problem.

"Niall, I'm not gonna define anything and I didn't expect you to stay sober for even one second, but Liam? Are you alright?" They shared looks, which I didn't notice because Niall's hand was moving up my thigh again.

"Perfectly." The only thing I looked at while talking was Niall, because he shamelessly watched me while nearly touching my crotch now, before he was actually there though, he just got up all of a sudden, dropping himself into my lap with his arms around my neck.

"I know something else that's perfect." Not minding the company of the other two, Niall had brought his face so close to mine that our breath was mixing, I barely noticed the slight pull on the hair in the back of my neck over how captivated I was by Niall being right in front of me.

"Umm, guys?" Harry seemed very unsure of what to do, I heard him talking to Louis like 'Liam will kill us tomorrow if we let anything happen' but I wasn't sure because hell, I didn't even care in this moment, it felt like the whole whiskey was just starting to kick in. "Look, why don't we get you something to eat? To, you know… keep your mouths busy or something."

"But I'm not hungry…" I complained without a reason really, but Niall giggled right into my face, making me laugh too and earning a desperate sigh from Louis.

"Yeah, but Harry is right, if you wait here we'll be back in a minute, okay? Don't… don't do anything you might regret." I didn't understand a word they were saying, I was too focused on how soft Niall's hips were as I grabbed a hold of them.

"Hey, Li… I really gotta pee." As he bit his bottom lip he looked beyond cute, I really wanted nothing more than lean forward and kiss him in this moment, instead, I tried to actually think about what he had said.

"But… Louis said to wait." Even though the conversation was starting to get blurry already, Niall's breath on my skin was poisoning my mind. Or maybe that was the alcohol.

"But I really gotta go. And I don't wanna go alone. Come with me, pleeasseee?" Why would I have ever resisted that face, I just nodded, receiving a sloppy and wet kiss on the cheek for that as Niall jumped up. "Thank you!"

"That's okay…" We smiled at each other as I grabbed his hand so he'd help me get to my feet as well, I wasn't really sure if I was supposed to not feel them properly anymore, maybe that's also why I didn't watch my mouth anymore and just blurted out with whatever came to my mind. "You really do look really fit today."

"Only today?" We laughed at that, some people staring at us as we walked by, or maybe we also half stumbled not so sure, Niall throwing his arm around my shoulder again.

"No. All the time actually. You're the most handsome person I know." I was really going for it now.

"I can give that right back, if we weren't in public, you know…" Then he winked and instead of blushing or telling him to stop, I laughed, my eyes trailing down to his lips for a second, I REALLY wanted to kiss him and I didn't think about why, I just knew that I did.

As we walked back inside, we might have bumped into a few people, but neither of us cared, we just found it way too funny to stay serious for one single second, it was actually ridiculous, also how Niall pulled me into the bathroom with him after I hesitated just for one second, but he chuckled into my ear saying that it was alright so I assumed that it was, actually locking the door up behind us. "You should probably… uh… Ni, what…"

The problem was, as soon as I had turned to face him, he was still standing so close that my back pressed against the door, our eyes met for a second, I felt one of his hands leave my waist, moving up my chest instead until he was cupping the back of my neck. "I just wanna try something, okay?"

"I-I thought you had to pee…" No one can blame me for being confused, half of the time I had no idea what was going on, on one hand I knew that I shouldn't have let him do this stuff, on the other hand I desperately wanted him to keep going.

"Nope. Just wanted to be alone with you." When he leaned in, my breath hitched, I thought he was just going to press his lips on top of mine, but instead he kissed my cheek, softly, down do my jaw and finally to my neck, parting his lips slightly so I could feel his tongue against my skin, making me gasp. "You alright?"

"I guess, I…" My hands automatically found their way to his hips, I wasn't really sure if what he was doing was alright, all I knew was that it felt good so I pulled him closer into me, giving him motivation to bite down gently.

"Can I do this?" Considering that he was already doing it and that I had no idea whether I should say something or move or maybe give in to that urge to just finally disconnect his lips from my neck and have them against mine instead, that was a pretty unnecessary question.

"Y-Yeah…" Hell, I loved it alright, how he made a bigger love bite than the one he had created a few weeks ago, only this time, I didn't try to stop him, also not as he pulled away again, smiling sweetly.

"God, I want you so bad." I just blinked, speechless somehow because Niall brought his hand up to my cheek, stroking it with his thumb, obviously enjoying the fact that he was allowed to do that. "Can I kiss you?" 

The problem was, being as wasted as I was, I saw no reason to decline, I didn't care about the consequences, also wasn't aware that there would be any at all, so I nodded slowly, never taking my eyes off of Niall's lip until they were so close, I let my eyes fall shut, just waiting, his breath was warm on my skin, also both of his hands seemed too hot now, or maybe it was because I was so nervous and confused.

"It's fine, it's just me." Right after whispering that, his lips collided with mine, something inside told me to push him off but the bigger part made me pull him closer, sighing against his lips, kissing back immediately instead of hesitating as he was urging me to open up my mouth. So that's what I did.

Meanwhile the hand that had been caressing my face went down a little, Niall managed to blindly open a few buttons, but he quickly gave up on that, his hand wandering down my chest again, slipping it underneath my clothes instead to rub over my bare skin while kissing me so hard, I felt my head pressing into the wood of the door behind me.

I really can't say that I didn't enjoy the hell out of this because I did, we worked out really well, I tilted my head a little for a better angle and Niall had great fun exploring my mouth with his tongue, coaxing me into moving mine as well while he continued to let his hands roam all over my body, giving me shivers whenever he touched certain spots. My own hands remained on his waist but I got a little curious as well then, so I tangled my fingers into his hair, completely messing it up while we continued kissing, both of us breathing heavy by now.

As we pulled apart, there was a tiny smile on Niall's lips before he ducked down, resuming to suck on my neck instead while I tilted my head back, trying to get my heart to stop racing and catch my breath. "You're… a really good kisser, Ni."

He chuckled hotly against my neck, pulling back all of a sudden so our eyes met, I still felt his hand on my bare back. "And you're really hot."

We smiled dumbly at each other, I used the chance to kiss him once more, this time it was a lot shorter and much sweeter as well, when Niall leaned back again, I had my fingers stroking his cheeks softly, feeling him lean into it, maybe that was enough for me to completely lose my mind. "We should go home."

"Yeah, we should." The he laughed loudly all of a sudden, bringing his hand up to my hair. "You look like we just fucked. No that I'd mind that, you're the only person I really want, Li, if we weren't here I'd rip those clothes off of you."

His words did something to me, he was rubbing himself off against me, eyes dark with lust and I was pretty sure I didn't look better even if I was still trying to catch my breath. "Let's go."

"Straight forward, aren't you?" I didn't care what it was, I just took Niall's wrist while he tried to contain himself, unlocking the door regardless of what we looked like and what everyone would think of us coming out of the bathroom together, with messed up hair and swollen lips if mine looked like Niall's did, probably, judging by how they felt. "But Liii, maybe we should call a taxi. I can't touch you when you're driving."

"Yeah… that'd be a waste." The thing was that I meant it and none of us considered that maybe I also shouldn't be driving because I was completely shitfaced, but I'm not sure if I was aware of that at the time, I just liked how Niall leaned into me the whole time, not once stopping to touch me inappropriately.

"Sooo-"

"What the hell?! Did you two just fucking make out in the bathroom?" Louis had appeared out of nowhere, his face fell completely as he understood the situation, we just laughed at his shocked voice, I wrapped my arm around Niall's shoulder, still feeling his hand on my chest.

"Yeeeah… have you ever made out with Liam though. Can't blame me for doing it, he's so fit, Lou, what am I supposed to do?!" Niall was making fun of Louis, I knew because he was exaggerating his voice, pretending to be desperate when in reality we both bursted out laughing a second later.

"Alright, this is really going too far, I know how horny you are for each other all the time but you're both wasted, I'm calling Harry." It sounded like he was more talking to himself while getting his phone out, but I really couldn't have cared less about what he was doing because Niall pushed me back against the wall behind me, before he could do anything though, Louis put his hand in between us, pulling Niall back. "Just get it together for one second, will you?…no, sweetheart I wasn't talking to you, can you come inside please, we got kind of a problem here…thanks." 

"Louiiiis, let go of mee!" As soon as Louis had hung up, he fully moved in between us, mostly having to deal with Niall because I found it way too funny as to complain about being kept apart, besides Niall was doing it for the both of us, he nearly hit Louis but his fist was caught in the movement.

"God damn it, Niall, just stop, I'm not letting you strip him off in front of everyone. People are staring at us, can you please just calm down?" He underestimated Niall's ability to get what he wanted.

Immediately after the words were out, Niall went limp in his arms, his bottom lip shaking and face going sad. "But I want to snuggle with Liam."

For a second, I didn't know what was going on but seeing Niall then, his mood affected me immediately, I didn't like seeing him so close to tears, not even when I was drunk. And Louis was obviously thinking the same. "Fine. Snuggle, but no snogging, no taking each other's clothes off and no touching each other inappropriately, got it?"

"Y-Yes." Niall sniffed, making Louis roll his eyes, but he stepped away, letting Niall snuggle up in my arms, his head didn't stay on my shoulder for too long, as soon as he lifted it again, his lips were already on mine, just shortly, but it was perfect nevertheless.

"Didn't I say no snogging? God." This time Louis didn't do anything, he just gave up as it seemed, I cradled Niall closer to my chest, scared that we might have to part again.

"We weren't snogging." I threw in, which was followed by a giggle from Niall, making me join, no idea what was funny about any of this, it just was.

When Harry came, he grabbed a hold of the situation immediately before Louis had a chance to say something. "Well, look at this. Not exactly a surprise, is it?"

"No, but what are we gonna do? We could let them stay in the guest room, but-"

"Nooo, we're going home." Niall's head was on my shoulder again now as I said that, we held each other tightly, due to the fact that my back was towards the wall, no one saw Niall's hand on my butt.

"Why do you wanna go home, Li?" Sounded like a threat, Louis was really about to lose it now but Harry held his arm, leaving me no time to answer, not that anything coming out of my mouth right now would've made any sense.

"It's kinda obvious why, Lou. We should call them a taxi." Well, that sounded more like what I wanted.

"Are you being serious? As soon as they're through their front door they're gonna-"

"Would you rather have them do it at home or here? I'm sick and tired of Liam not realizing how badly he's crushing on him and of Niall not being able to open up his damn mouth, it's not our job to keep them apart, they don't wanna be kept apart, it just took a good bottle of whiskey to make them realize that. This was determined to happen one day, just let them and we'll finally put this to rest." I didn't understand half of what Harry was saying, Niall didn't either, so he got bored quickly, distracting me with open mouth kisses from my cheek to my jaw, making me grip him even tighter, trying to swallow down a moan.

"Fine, I'll call a taxi. Watch them for a bit?" He threw another glare at us but his expression softened as Harry grabbed his hand to keep him from leaving.

"Hey, they're our best friends, we're doing what's best for them so stop that frown, I heard you just got married today." Maybe I would've watched them if Niall hadn't leaned up to whisper into my ear, giving me goose bumps so I only barely saw Louis and Harry kissing, wishing I was home right now, alone, with Niall kissing me again like before and this time not interrupting. 

As soon a Louis was gone, Harry turned to us, his cheeks were a little flushed, I didn't think of saying anything but Niall got really shameless when he was drunk, not that he wasn't when he was sober though. "So, you know what I've been wondering? Are you more of a top or a bottom?"

I couldn't help but laugh hysterically at this, making Niall proud of himself for cracking such a funny 'joke', Harry just rolled his eyes, petting Niall's back, well, he would have, but I didn't let him touch him, Niall was mine. "You know what? If your headache won't kill you tomorrow then give me a call and I might tell you." 

The fifteen minutes we waited passed by even faster, if anything, I got even worse, Niall didn't, but he was always flirty and horny as fuck even after a few glasses, so it was no wonder that we were all over each other, no one tried to step in anymore once we were outside, Niall was a bit whiny because he was cold when actually I felt like burning up, so it was good that I didn't let go of him.

Louis payed the taxi driver a hundred bucks extra if he promised to keep us from fucking or taking each others clothes off in his car, he did, but no one ever said anything about snogging each others faces off so by the time we got to my flat, my lips were sore, but Niall couldn't even wait until we were at my front door, he pushed me against the wall as soon as we were inside the building. 

"Do you love me?" There were about four centimeters between our lips, it was a wonder he didn't complain about how hard my fingers were digging into his hips to make sure we stayed pressed together.

"Yeah." I meant it, I really, really did. 

"Would you really marry me?" The questions were getting more serious, too serious for someone drunk.

"Yeah." And with that, he pressed our lips together again, not making a secret about what he wanted, just pushing his tongue right past my teeth, we had kissed so much today already, by now we had figured out how we had to move together.

I can't remember how we got into my flat, but I found myself being pressed against the front door half a second after we had stumbled inside, Niall had gotten rid of his shoes and nearly ripped everything off of me that weren't my pants so his hand was now exploring my upper body without any piece of clothing in between. "I'm blaming this all on you, you're so god damn fit, I've been having so many dirty thoughts about you every time we were in the gym." 

"Oh god, me too." A moan escaped me when he kissed from my neck down my chest, pulling away to smile at me widely. "Come here."

Being drunk and walking backwards while kissing someone wasn't exactly what I would call easy, maybe that's why we bumped into the wall a few times, Niall also nearly fell over but I held him, as far as possible, he laughed it off anyway, clinging to my shoulders again a second later.

Before pushing Niall onto the bed, I quickly popped those few last buttons, I couldn't stand to see him covered up like this, I would've gone for his pants as well but he already took care of that which left him in his boxers. Which seemed a little tight I might add, not that I looked any better. "Li…"

"Sorry." The shaky breath got me back to reality, watching Niall undressing himself had thrown me a bit off track, it was forgotten once he grabbed my hand to pull me on top of him as he moved to the middle of the bed, my bare chest pressing against his, it was completely overwhelming. 

My lips felt sore as I pressed them against his once more, I felt his fingers toying with the zipper of my pants but I took them away which caused him to make some sound of annoyance, he was so desperate for it, constantly thrusting up against me to get some friction. It probably was because I usually wasn't like this that we weren't already completely naked. "Come on, Liam, I fucking need you."

"Patient." I smiled a little as he groaned in response, placing feather light kisses down his cheek before getting him back for the bruise on my neck, it was amazing to hear him moan and have him squirm underneath me from just that, he was nearly ripping my hair off as I went lower.

"P-please touch m-me…" He was nearly crying, at least that's what it sounded like but I completely ignored it, letting my breath ghost over his nipples but not doing anything, even if Niall tried to pull my head down, I just chuckled. "Please… I'll suck you off if you stop teasing now."

Sounded fair enough, but I had too much fun as to agree to it, I just flicked my tongue over his nipple as response and Niall nearly lost it, which was remarkable considering that we hadn't even gotten naked yet. But he was about to.

I kept his hips down with my arm while kissing and licking down his chest, sometimes using my free hand to touch him, just because I couldn't believe that I had access to all of this, he wasn't too muscular but he was perfect and I've been denying how much I really wanted him for far too long, so here we had the outcome.

Niall still had his fingers tangled into my hair, but with his free arm he was covering his face, moaning as I finally reached the hem of his boxers, doing nothing but placing kisses on the skin above, very not accidentally brushing the bulge under his boxers. "Liam…"

"I'm getting there." He was so beautiful, I felt myself getting hot as I looked up to see his red spotted chest moving too fast, the way he was biting his bottom lip but the moans escaped him anyway, I could've watched this forever I think.

Instead I spread his legs a little further so I could lie in between them better and have better access, Niall keened as I kissed where he wanted me to, just with his clothes in between. "P-Pull 'em d-down…ugh…L-Li…"

His wish got ignored once more, I was kissing the inside of his thighs now, having him groan in frustration, I was too good at the teasing, or maybe it weren't my skills but rather Niall's impatience, if all of this left him as a begging wreck already then what would happen if I…

"SHIT! Li-hngh… plea-ah…d-down…" Since I had reached out to keep his hips pinned to the bed again, there was nothing he could do as I mouthed at his boxers, using my tongue to torture him even more while he moaned even louder than before, in fact, I should've shushed him down, I had a hell lot of neighbors, but I enjoyed the noises he made too much, knowing I was the one causing them.

"Would you be able to cum like this? Without even one touch?" Just checking.

"YES, FUCK YOU, DON'T YOU DA-" The reason why he never finished was because I didn't plan on making him release into his boxers so I let go of him, pulling them down and finally leaving him completely nude in front of me.

"You're beautiful, Nialler." Really, that was the only thing on my mind for a moment, nothing else, just how gorgeous he was and how he was all mine.

"Touch me." That was all he choked out, draping his arm over his face again as soon as I leaned down a little, holding his knees to the side, I had never given anyone a blow job obviously, or a hand job, but received both from a girl, however everything I had done with a guy had been the things with Niall, so this was the furthest we had taken it. 

So since I was completely unexperienced, I tried to recall what felt good, it had been a while ago but when I kissed the head I had Niall moaning so loudly I don't think I could've done anything wrong right now if it at least involved touches, so I just kept going. He tried to push my head down immediately of course, I didn't wanna choke so I pulled away quickly, working his shaft with my hand instead and kitten lick at his tip. "Y-Yes…. oh god-d…g-go f-faster…aah, p-please…"

To make up for the teasing before I did him that favor, I must admit, it was really hot to have Niall spread out like this in front of me, crying out whenever I did unexpected stuff like pressing my thumb to his slit and bringing my second hand in as well to massage his balls. "Feel good?"

"Holy- y-yes, I-I'm g-gonna…don't s-stop… hngh, Liam, please, I-I…" Just before he was about to cum, I sat up properly, I didn't really know whether I really wanted to swallow so I decided not to let it come to that, just jerking him off, more slowly now but still using both hands until Niall was just moaning my name non stop, cuming all over his stomach and my hands while I worked him through it until he was just lying still, trying to control his breath. "Wow, that was… fucking unreal, you're so fucking good, Li… come here, please."

He reached for my hand, not caring that it was all sticky, just like his stomach, I felt it against mine as he well when he pulled me back to lie down on top of him, our lips melting together once more, it felt even better now. As Niall attempted to flip us over I obeyed, wrapping my arms around his shoulders to keep him close, but he had other plans.

"My turn now." There was a really cheeky grin as he half sat up, pecking my swollen lips once more before leaning down, not leaving me any time to catch my breath as he was already sucking on my left nipple, the other being rubbed by his thumb.

"Oh god…" It was impossible to hold the moan back, which was a good thing because it motivated Niall to use his tongue as well, now I knew how he had felt being teased, it was so good but at the same time I blamed myself for not having at least taken my pants off. "Ni…"

"Shh, just relax, I know what I'm doing." I hadn't doubted that one second.

He continued lapping before leaving wet kisses on my chest to switch the position of his hand and mouth, it was maybe even better than before, receiving the same treatment again. The moans just came out, I usually wasn't really loud but I was today which could only have one reason. Niall.

As he sat up, I wanted to complain, but he told me to lift my hips up a bit, pulling my pants off with my boxers, which made me hiss, it was really cold all of a sudden as I was just naked one second later, expecting Niall to keep his promise from before, but no.

"Turn around." Oh.

"Are you gonna… I-I don't know if I-"

"Shh, no I'm not gonna do that, trust me?" There was no way for me to say no as he came crawling up, his hand brushing my erection before he pecked my lips softly, holding my chin in place gently.

"Okay…" I still didn't feel very safe to turn onto my stomach but I did him that favor, the material of the bed at least giving me some friction even if Niall was there already one second later, kissing my shoulder blades and even massaging a little like he had done before, only this time, we were both completely nude.

"This is gonna feel really good, I promise." His lips against my ear made me tremble, he pressed a tiny kiss to the shell before the warmth of his breath was gone, I literally had no idea what he was planning to do, I tried to relax like he had told me, but I reacted too heavily to every tiny touch, even if it was just one finger. "It's fine, Liam, it's just me, yeah?"

Before I got to answer, I realized he was down between my legs, his hands rubbed my butt for a second before I felt something much warmer and wetter there… wait… his tongue? "Niall… ooh-SHIT!"

I couldn't believe that he was doing this, he had spread my cheeks, fucking lapping at my hole while using his thumbs to get more access, I couldn't fucking contain myself, hell, I wasn't even able to stay still, because I had never felt this good in my whole life. 

"Aaaah, Ni… o-oh f-fucking h-ell…this is s-so … k-keep g-going… hngh, please!" He did me that favor, not even bothering to answer but attempting to shove his tongue in which had me seeing stars, this couldn't be happening, no way. 

After not even two minutes, I was so close to cuming, I felt like every thrust against the mattress could be it, but Niall probably noticed how close I was because he pulled away all of a sudden, having me whine in displeasure. "I know something better, Li, turn back onto your back."

Just because I NEEDED him to continue I immediately did what he had said, my erection hurt at this point, so I didn't like to see him getting off the bed to look for his pants, I couldn't help but touch myself meanwhile, which felt dull now compared to what Niall had done for me. "Ni, please come back."

"One second…" He pulled something out of his pockets before dropping the clothing again, crawling back to me on the bed and batting my hand away, replacing it with his. "You wanna go all the way?"

Since he was jerking me off, I had trouble understanding what he was even asking me, but then I saw the condom in his free hand and that cheeky grin on his reddened face, I understood. "Where did you…"

"Harry." Was all he said, I had no time to think about this because he let go of me all of a sudden to tear the package, putting the condom on me rather than himself like I had expected him to, but now I was a little relieved, I had never had proper sex with a guy but I knew that it would hurt to be bottom.

"D-Do you need me to… you know umm… prep you or?" I had literally no idea, all i knew was that I hadn't expected Niall to do what he was about to do, which was straddling my lap.

"I've done all of this before, I can take it." Wait…

Maybe right now was not the time to talk about how he had never told me about having sex with guys, but I also didn't give one single fuck anymore as he slowly sat on my erection, his face slightly scrunched up in pain which was the only thing keeping me from moving, I just reached out for his hand, lacing our fingers together and waiting as I was all the way in. This really took everything I had, being inside of Niall was maybe even better than what he had done before even if I hadn't thought it was possible, but this was so intimidate, I suddenly realized how much I really loved this boy. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm… yeah. I just… come on, sit up as well." We were both really sweaty now, but Niall smiled down at me sweetly, making me hiss as I did what he had said, it was even harder while trying not to cause him anymore pain but it was worth it because he immediately put his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into him. "I'm so glad we're doing this, I waited years for this."

"Do you still love me? Like before?" I leaned my head onto his shoulder, feeling his fingers in my hair as he placed a kiss there, we were practically sticking together as I put my arms around him as well, he smelled so familiar and calming, it was really nice to be this close while doing something like this.

"I always did, Li, and I always will. If there's one person I want, it's you, I loved the girls I was in a relationship with, but not even close to how much I love you. Ever since I was thirteen, you're basically the only thing that's been on my mind. I just thought I could never have you." Hearing this nearly made me tear up, I could've blamed it on the alcohol, but I was truly touched by his words, that someone would wait so long for me, it seemed pretty impossible. 

"Niall, I… I love you too, I just… I never wanted to admit it to myself but I've noticed it a while ago already, like a year or two, but I was too scared to make a move or something." The words just bubbled out, like they do when you're drunk and the guy you love tells you that he wants no one else but you, the fact that I was intoxicated didn't mean that I was lying, I was telling the truth I had planned to keep to myself until the day that I died, but now he knew.

"Hey…" When I felt his palm softly pressing against my cheek, I lifted my head, letting my eyes flatter closed as Niall brought our lips back together, just as amazing as the first time, I was pretty sure I was leaving marks on his back but then again, he was holding me pretty tightly as well.

For a while, there were no noises besides our heavy breathing and our lips smacking as the kiss got heated and messy, even more as Niall just started moving all of a sudden, making me moan into his mouth.

This really was better than before, better than anything I had ever done, because this was Niall and I knew for a 100% that he loved me and I saw it in his eyes as he pulled away to press his forehead against mine, lips slightly opening to let out a whimper as I wrapped my hand around his shaft while he was still working himself up and down on mine, meeting my thrusts. 

We were so worn out after we had come down from our highs, I hardly managed to pull out and tear the condom off, none of us bothering to clean up or anything, all Niall did was kick our clothes onto the floor so he could get the blanket, falling right back into my arms, covering both of us. "This was perfect."

"You're perfect." And he kissed me like he meant it, one arm keeping us pressed together, the other stroking my face, I felt safe and warm, nothing could've ruined this moment of love, we were tangled up in each other, kissing and whispering so many sweet things that we must've slept in somewhere in between, still snuggled together.

 

———

 

"Liam… wake up, come on." There was this piercing pain in my head that had me groaning before I attempted to open my eyes, the light made me want to commit suicide, I literally had no idea where I was or what was happening right now before I saw Niall sitting on the edge of my bed, with only some sweatpants on, his smile was pretty shaky. "Hurts, hm?"

"Yeah, shit… wait… how much did I drink?" Right, the wedding and then… then everything was just a blur, thinking caused me pain as well so I quickly stopped, thankful for the pill and the glass of water Niall handed me as soon as I sat up a little, now I finally knew how he felt every time waking up with a hangover.

"Umm… we nearly finished the bottle together if you remember, but umm…" I had no idea why he was so nervous, I mean yeah, it was weird for me to drink this much, but he hardly managed to look into my eyes. "Liam… there's something we gotta talk about…"

"What do you mean?" Really, I thought hard about what it was, but the only thing I suddenly noticed was that I was naked under the blanket. Which was… weird, no idea if I should even bring this up, maybe I had moved in my sleep.

"Don't you… remember anything about last night?" He reached out for me, brushing my hair out of my forehead gently, I thought that it was pretty cute for him to do that since I felt like shit and I could really use someone being nice to me.

"Well… I remember everything before we got drunk of course but then… well… hmm… we talked behind the house and … then we went to eat something and you had to go to the bathroom, but… oh." Oh shit. We had kissed AGAIN. Fuck, what the hell was wrong with me, our time in the bathroom was suddenly fully back again, I remember kissing Niall, remember the lovebite that probably still was on my neck, how his lips had felt, how his hand had felt on my bare chest and… fuck. "We kissed."

"Yeah… we did. But that's not what… what I wanted to talk about, Liam, we… we kissed more than just once, you know. We were… completely wasted, you especially, and Louis and Harry called us a taxi back home and we…we had-"

"WHAT?! WE HAD SEX?" This couldn't be, this couldn't have happened, I hadn't slept with Niall, was I completely insane?! But now that he had said it, everything came back, every single thing, every word and every touch. At least now I knew why I was naked.

"Y-Yeah…" Niall had flinched at my loud voice, I felt sorry now, but my mouth was still hanging open while he played with his fingers, refusing to look at me, which I understood, he was probably grossed out with me. "But Liam… c-can I ask you something?"

"Well yeah?" I still hadn't gotten over this, I barely listened to him now, because I was trying to think about what the hell we were supposed to now, I mean, should we even talk about this or should we just try and forget because I definitely could NOT just forget this, I mean I had given him a hand job and I didn't actually mind but he was my fucking best friend, more, he was like my brother!

"Did you mean … anything that you said?" Our eyes met and Niall blushed immediately, I felt like I had to choke, quickly trying to recall everything that I had said. Well, I had told him that I loved, I did love him, he was my best friend, I had called him handsome, yeah, that was true, he could know that, I had also told him that I had found out that I was in love with him but that I was too scared to admit it and- FUCK. "Li?"

"Umm… I… what do you mean… I-I can't really… remember it that w-well…?" I HAD TOLD HIM THAT I WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM OH MY GOD. And he… he had said the same. "D-Did you mean everything you said?"

"Umm…. " He lowered his eyes, torturing his bottom lip, usually I would've told him to stop, but I just tried to think of a way to talk myself out of this now and what he said then didn't help at all. "Yes."

"You…" Oh my god. Oh my fucking god. 

"I'm sorry…" It was almost only a whisper, I could tell that he was close to tears and I had no idea how to prevent that from happening.

"W-Why?" Could it be? That he had waited for me all of those years, that he had managed to not say one single word and put up a happy face when I had been in a relationship with Sophia? And… and what about his girlfriends? And his one night stands?

"I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have told you or… I wasn't as wasted as you, you know, but I… I thought you meant it or so… sorry…" The sniff at the end of this nearly broke my heart, I wanted to say something, anything.

"Niall…" What was I supposed to answer? I HAD meant it as well, every single word, but I couldn't tell him that because he'd just make himself false hopes, if what he had said was true and he still loved me then it would be wrong to admit it, we couldn't be together, I couldn't do this, Niall was my brother.

"No, it's fine, really, you don't have to even say one thing, okay? Let's just forget about it." With that, he left me in bed, he just got up and walked out of the room, disappearing somewhere in my flat, well, he could only choose the kitchen or the living room since it wasn't that big, but still.

A normal reaction would've been running after him immediately, but I remained in bed, speechless. Everything in here was proof that last night had really happened, our clothes were still on the floor, hell, the condom package was lying at the of my bed. But I couldn't find a solution for this, I wasn't allowed to be in love with him, it was wrong. And I needed to tell him, gently.

As soon as I had found some pants, I went for a little search, it quickly ended in the living room, because Niall was on the couch, with his legs pulled up as well as he hugged his knees to his chest, there were no tears on his cheeks, but they were about to come and I knew it. Normally I knew exactly what to do when he was about to cry, but this time, I just stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. "We… we gotta talk about… this."

"About _what_?" Damn, his voice sounded full of bitterness.

"Us… we gotta… talk about us." I didn't want to put it this way but how else would I have said it? We had to talk, about something at least.

"Apparently there is no us. And there's not gonna be an US. So what are we talking about?" The change of mood made me take a step back and another when Niall stood up all of a sudden, there was a bruise on his neck, a big one, and another under his collar bone. 

"I… I'm sorry-"

"Why are you sorry? If it meant nothing to you then why do you care, Liam? If everything you said was a lie like you pretend then there's no need to talk, I'm the idiot here, like always." He was still tearing up, but when he took a breath, wiping over his eyes, he mostly looked disappointed, tired and just done. Because of me.

"No, you're not Niall, I just… we can't… I mean last night was… it did mean something to me but we can't… be together and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you have no idea, I just don't want you hurt but I am hurting you right now and it's killing me, okay? I didn't know you still felt something for me, I thought it was long over." Which was no excuse, it wasn't even what I really wanted to say because I wanted to yell at him, tell him that I loved him back, that I wanted no one else, but I didn't know how to explain that I just couldn't.

"I know you have feelings for me too. You still haven't answered my question about if you meant everything that you said, but somehow you know what I said. And I know you meant it." Well fuck.

"But I-"

"No, Liam, seriously, don't even try to talk yourself out of it, okay? I don't wanna talk about it because you have no idea how it's like, not being able to get over someone no matter how hard you try and you have to watch them with other people, over years, and at first you're too young and then suddenly you're not but it's still not working because you're the brother, so things happen, alright? One night stands and fucking emotionless relationships and smoking, because I'll tell you what, everything is better than wanting someone you can't have, and feeling this way for six years, you have no idea, alright? And now you can't even admit that you love me even though we both know it." My jaw had dropped, there were tears streaming down his face that he didn't bother wiping away, I literally just wanted to scoop him up in my arms and cuddle him, telling him that it would be alright even though I knew that it wasn't.

"Niall, listen to me, I love you, okay? You're my best friend and-"

"Best friend?! Wow, that's so helpful right now, you have no idea, thank you so much, Liam, really." As he started to walk away I grabbed his arm, out of instinct, I couldn't let him go now, we needed to find a solution, there had once been a situation like this, four years ago, and I had just let him walk away, I wouldn't do it again.

"What do you want me to say? I told you that I'm sorry, I-"

"I want you to look at me and tell me that you don't have any feelings for me, look at me and say that everything you said last night was a lie. Do it." There were still tears spilling out of his eyes, he didn't fight against my grip around his arm, but I let go once he had said that, looking right at me and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

"I…" I tried saying it, for his sake, if he though that I didn't return his feelings, maybe it'd be easier to understand why we couldn't be together, but there was no way to bring those words out while looking at his face, I just wanted to sprinkle it with kisses. "I can't say it."

"I know…" As he wiped his tears quickly, I reached out as well, automatically, rubbing my thumb over his cheek softly, he flinched at first, but then he let me, leaning into my touch and forcing a smile. "That was the best night of my life."

"Hey… come here…" He had left me speechless once again, had he really said that? Being with me was the best night of his life?

For a second I was scared that he'd decline my hug, but then he snuggled up against my chest, wrapping his arms around me tightly with his head buried in my shoulder, like always. "Liam?"

"Yeah?" Really, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to hear about this or not, I guess I didn't, but what could I have said?

"Why not? Why can't we be together?" Of course that was his question, I closed my eyes, pressing my face into his hair because I didn't want to answer that, I wasn't sure if I even knew it myself.

"I just can't do it, Niall, I… sometimes I still remember how you were when you were little and then it seems so wrong that I could ever… and I'm sorry, because I know that's really stupid but I can't stop thinking like this and you've always been my little brother and hell, I watched you growing up basically and we spent most of our lives together and if I ever lost you that would be freaking horrible, I just… I want us to stay like we are NOW and I know how much I'm hurting you with that and I'm sorry, but I… I really do love you, but I can't." This time I wasn't just saying it like that, I mean, there was no difference in the words themselves but I meant it in a different way and I hoped that he knew that.

"I love you too. Did you at least… find last night alright?" Even admitting this seemed wrong, but his voice nearly broke so I held him even tighter, kissing the top of his head.

"More than alright, Nialler." If I would've sticked to the truth then I would've said that it had been the best night of my life as well, but I didn't, I just tried to swallow my tears down and keep myself together, for Niall.

 

———

 

"Sorry for… bothering you guys, umm…" It actually wasn't what I had thought my sunday would look like, it's not exactly my hobby to go disturb couples one day after their wedding, even if they had called me up themselves, but still.

"You're not bothering us, you're helping to clean up. Besides, it's not like we're on honeymoon now or something, we're waiting until Christmas break." This made me so jealous, their perfect life had just gotten even more perfect to an extend where literally no one could even get on their level anymore. I scrubbed the counter harder. "Is Niall alright?"

"Yeah… he's at his dorm, studying." Niall wasn't studying, I wasn't even sure where he was, but I couldn't exactly confront him about making up another exam on monday just so he didn't have to spend time with me, I wouldn't want to spend time with me anymore either if I were him. Right after we had somewhat calmed down over everything, we had started fighting again, pretty badly as well, I was just devastated at this point, what the hell were you supposed to answer when someone is crying while throwing a pillow after you, screaming 'You won't even give me a chance!'?

"Did you get home alright last night?" They were asking me questions like this all the time, the original reason why I was here was because both me and Niall had left our jackets, but then Louis and Harry made me stay so now I was helping to clean their kitchen even if I was the only doing anything by now.

"I guess…" Of course they knew, Harry had given Niall condoms, they had basically called us a taxi so we could have sex at my place, don't ask me why because I don't know. 

"Did anything happen?" Harry got a look from Louis for that, which I didn't miss so I just sighed and leaned back against the counter, counting the tiles. They'd find out sometime.

"Alright, look… we… we hooked up." I at least expected a gasp or anything, but they weren't surprised, not the slightest bit, it was almost as if they had already known.

"What happened this morning?" Now I was slightly confused, why would they be so interested in this morning, didn't they even have anything to say about the fact that we had fucking slept with each other?

"Umm… it was awkward and stuff and yeah… maybe that's why Niall left, I'd understand…" The reason why I didn't say anything about the other stuff was because one part wasn't for me to tell and the other one I didn't want to admit.

"This is all? You just hooked up and that's it?" What?

"What do you mean? What do you expect us to do?" Why did Harry even ask those questions, he seemed angry that I hadn't reacted the way he had wanted me to, which was ridiculous.

"Nothing, sorry. I was just asking… if you guys are alright, I mean… I know how it feels like, me and Louis hooked up in high school, that was pretty weird afterwards." Right, that story, about the last thing I wanted to talk about, I mean, good for Harry that he had lost his virginity to the guy he had married yesterday and that he hadn't had sex with anyone else in between, but recalling this was making me feel even worse.

"Yeah, I know but that was… nine years ago and … it's alright if you don't know how to handle stuff like this when you're fifteen, but I think I'm a little older than that." A lot older, I was also a lot older than Niall, I didn't even know what he saw in me, how was it possible to fall in love with me, especially after I had treated him like a baby for the past eight years.

"I'm pretty sure you handled it the best you could, Li, it's fine, things like that happen, in a few days you'll both be over it." I wanted to laugh at Louis for saying this, he didn't even sound as if he was believing his own words, did they really think I couldn't see the looks they were constantly exchanging? There was something more to this and I suddenly was really determined to find out. 

"I wish we would've just stayed here and… I don't know, sticked to snogging in the bathroom." Knowing Niall when he was drunk, and obviously I was just the same, we would've also done it in the bathroom, which was not the point, the point was that none of the kitchen cleaning or talking had helped, I still wanted to kill myself.

"We… we shouldn't have let you go home alone probably, it's partly our fault… or mine actually, Louis was against it." We had all sat down between, even if I was on the counter and they were on the kitchen chairs, for which I was glad actually, I didn't want to be right next to them when they kissed or cuddled.

"Well, it's not exactly your fault that we had sex." Like I had said before, we would've done it anyway, here or at home, besides, I knew that Harry and Louis had seen it coming anyway. 

"No, but… it was pretty obvious what you were gonna do and… we could've kept you here and tried to stop it, but…" I just shrugged at this, to be honest I didn't care about the what if's, even if they looked at each other again, unsure as it seems.

"It's fine, it was your wedding day, I was actually going to apologize for behaving like this, so sorry, I shouldn't have gotten drunk." Pretty sure that if I had stayed sober then one day either me or Niall would've bursted out with the truth anyway, just because we couldn't take it anymore, Niall the waiting and I having to watch him with other people. But at least we could've talked about it like normal people and not with the feeling of each others tongues in our mouths.

"Why did you get drunk?" A good question.

"I… I don't know… you know how Niall always leaves me standing usually? Well, I liked that he didn't yesterday and… the rest just kinda happened…" That wasn't even an excuse for losing my mind like this, I was supposed to be more responsible, Niall had said he wouldn't force me if I didn't want to yet I had still reached out for the bottle, this was no one's fault but my own.

"Liam… you know I… wanted to ask you something." I listened up at this, none of them were looking at me, Harry was cracking his knuckles nervously while Louis just looked at him, rubbing his back, as if to encourage him to talk on. "Do you… do you love him?"

"Well, yeah he's-"

"No, I mean, are you in love with him?" They couldn't know, no way.

"W-Why would you think that?" Shit, if they found out then I would have to explain it to them as well, I really didn't wanna do this, I knew they'd try to talk me into giving Niall a chance.

"Because it's pretty obvious, Li. We all know that Niall is crushing on you, still, after all those years, but you're looking the same at him now. Whenever we go somewhere you're always touching and smiling at each other and giving each others kisses while the other blushes. And when Niall joked about you guys getting married and adopting you kept smiling and looking at your intertwined hands. I'm not saying that I'm a hundred percent sure, but it would explain a lot, for example how jealous you are over every person that Niall talks to at parties and when we go out. So do you love him?" How come every single person seemed to know about how Niall still liked me after all those years? Everyone but me.

"Look, I… he's my brother, I can't." This had sounded better in my head, now it just seemed as if I was trying to avoid the question, which I was by the way.

"He's not your real brother, he actually hasn't been your brother anymore for a few years. He was once, I know you couldn't like him back when he was like fifteen but he's grown up, Liam, he's not your little brother anymore." Yes, he was, and that was the problem.

"Every time I look at him I still see a innocent kid, I know he's far from innocent but I can't wrap my head around it. It would be wrong to… and anyway I don't…I don't know what to say…" Great, running out of words was exactly what I needed right now.

"He's not innocent, Liam, and he needed you to look out for him when he was younger, but he doesn't anymore. It's okay to love him." And that's when I just snapped, because, who did anyone think they were for telling me that?

"No, it's not fucking okay, alright? Just because he grows up doesn't mean that I can just forget the past and forget how fucking sick it would be to be with him when he still comes crawling into my bed after nightmares, it's so wrong, why don't you get that?! And now imagine we would be together but then at some point we get into a fight and we break up, how am I supposed to handle THAT, tell me, how am I supposed to be without him when I haven't been for the past eight years?! We need each other, but like brothers and not like _that_." It was pretty obvious now I think, that I did have feelings for him, or otherwise I wouldn't have jumped up or nearly yelled at them.

"Did you tell Niall that?" Louis was still calm, Harry seemed a bit devastated, but all in all I would've preferred to have them yelling back at me.

"Something like that. We had a fight. Actually not only one but like ten and at the end he started crying and throwing stuff after me before storming out and I didn't go after him because he wrote me a text message saying that I shouldn't dare and that he would be back tomorrow because he needed to study. Which obviously was a lie, but…" But why would I go after him if there's nothing to talk about?

"Wow… now I feel like shit." Harry whispered, it got me jealous how Louis kissed his temple to calm him down.

"Why? It's not your fault." Saying it out loud had made me feel worse too, I leaned back against the counter, wanting nothing more than finding Niall and telling him that I had changed my mind.

"It is partly. I thought it'd be a good idea if you guys, you know… hooked up, because I know how Niall is suffering and how you guys would carry on like this forever if nothing happened. I hoped it'd work out and I'm sorry, I should've talked to you first before sitting you down in a taxi while you were wasted." Yeah, maybe it would've worked with anyone else, but I was too much of an idiot. "What are you gonna do now?"

"I… I haven't thought about it yet…" This felt like it was the end of our friendship, we loved each other and we knew, but I had made Niall wait six fucking years for this just to tell him that it could never happen again, that I didn't want him, that nothing he had ever done had worked. I had broken his heart, again, and this time I wasn't so sure how to pick up the pieces, it wouldn't just be all good again with some cuddling and a movie. Maybe I needed to help him to get over me finally, which couldn't work when we basically were stuck together 24/7.

——— Niall ———

"What mark did you get?" There had never been one single time where this question would have made me smile, but today I did smile at the girl who thought that following me around would make me magically fall in love with her or some shit.

"I failed. And I'm quitting college." I could hardly see her face crumbling as I threw my stuff carelessly into my bag, being outside already before anyone else was, not planning on ever coming back. It was enough now, failing five exams in a row was not motivating at all, the thing was, I didn't want to be motivated, at least not for carrying on, I was done with studying and doing stuff that I didn't even care about, I already had a job that I could have full-time if I wanted to, I was just in college for Liam.

Yeah, Liam, Mr. 'I love you but I can't be with you because of reasons that I can't explain but please come back home'. The fuck I would do. We hadn't talked in a full week, after trying to go back to normal, which hadn't worked because I had started crying during every single argument, and maybe I had also tried kissing him again and he had pushed me away so furiously that I had nearly hit my head on the counter. It's not that he hadn't apologized, because he had, five million times, but after that, everything just got even worse until I stopped coming home at night and stayed at my dorm and eventually, we just stopped talking. Isn't that how it always goes?

The thing I hated the most was seeing him everywhere, or thinking that I did, sometimes I drove past a car that looked like his or a guy gave me a heart attack because of having the same haircut as him, everything in my head was just _LiamLiamLiam_ and I hated this, especially because I didn't know if he was thinking about me constantly as well. Probably not.

Today was a special day because I would go and pick up my stuff from his stupid flat, maybe that was going to open his eyes, if he felt like losing me completely, maybe he would change his mind. It would be a lie to say that one word from him wouldn't completely make me forget everything and just take him back, what I simply couldn't do anymore was spending so much time with each other while having all these memories and knowing that we both knew that we loved each other yet we didn't do anything about it.

Since it was friday, I had the day off, I would just get all of my stuff and then bring it to my dorm and after that I'd go looking for an affordable flat for myself. My boss at the studio had told me he would lend me money if I needed it, so I'd do that and work extra hours after that to pay it back, if I didn't go back to college I had enough time to do that. Sure, I could've asked Louis and Harry to lend me money but there was a risk that they would tell Liam, so better not. Well and then Liam, I would rather die than take his money.

His car wasn't there so I calmed down a little, I had already prepared for having to see him now, but luckily I wouldn't have to, it always made me weak when we were standing face to face to each other and I couldn't need him talking me out of my plans, I needed to do this.

The staircase was too familiar for me, I remember going up here the first time, I had been so excited when Liam had gotten his own place, I felt so cool to hang out with someone who had their own flat and own car and who went to college when I wasn't even in high school. And now I might never come back here again.

As soon as I was in, the smell hit me but I kept it together, placing the keys on the kitchen table, I didn't plan on keeping them, because why would I do that, right? If Liam didn't change his mind then it was over, for real, there was no way I would be able to get over him and I wouldn't stick around because it was slowly killing me, the only reason why I didn't burst out into tears was because I had already cried enough for the past few weeks. Honestly, I could hardly remember the wedding anymore, it must have been at least three weeks ago. Three weeks of total emotional pain.

Of course the whole flat was clean, Liam would never leave it behind messy, not even if he went to work or something so that wasn't surprising at all, but it still gave me a little sting, that he was just carrying on normally, even if I was gone. Truth be told, I missed him so terribly that I wanted to die, after he had even stopped texting me, I wondered if he even still liked me. Usually he always texted me, even if I didn't text back, but he sent me those sweet messages that kept me alive and now there was just nothing except emptiness and pain.

What was strange though was the fact that his bed was made, the whole room looked somehow empty, there was nothing on the bedside table either, which I found really strange but maybe he had wanted to redecorate or something?

So I went for the closet to get my clothes, all my favorites were here, but as I yanked it open, it was half empty. Had he thrown my stuff out?!

I felt my heart beat speeding up as I ripped a few pieces out, realizing that no, it wasn't my stuff that was gone, it was HIS. The only thing that belonged to Liam in here were maybe three old shirts, everything else was mine, even as I kept looking, ripping everything out carelessly, going through every drawer in his room while being close to a panic attack, none of his belongings were here, everything that was still here was just MY stuff. 

Before I knew it I was in the bathroom, opening up every single thing as well to look there, all I found was was my second toothbrush, my toothpaste, my hair gel and my shampoo. None of Liam's stuff, not even his towel. No, this couldn't be what it looked like, no way.

A second later I was in the kitchen, with my tears about to spill over as I opened the fridge that turned out to be half empty as well, the stuff that was in here looked kinda rotten or would still be fine a year from now, but there was nothing in case anyone had planned to come back here tonight and eat something, not in the whole kitchen, nowhere in this damn flat was any proof that anyone had been here after I had left for the last time ten days ago. WHERE THE HELL WAS LIAM?!

Even though it went against everything that I had planned to do, I took my phone out, making sure that my caller ID wouldn't show up and typed Liam's in that I knew by heart, I was just going to do a quick check up, I just needed to know that he was alright, I just needed to hear him say hello and put the phone back down, I just needed to be sure. "The number you have called has been deactivated, please-"

No. He couldn't have done this to me. Not Liam. He would never do something like this, he wouldn't just go pack up his stuff and leave, he wasn't someone to just cut someone out, this was what I would do, but not him, over all those weeks he had been the only one making an afford to save our friendship, and now he was just gone? This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't, he fucking knew how anxious I was about him disappearing without telling me where he was, he would've never done that.

The keys went back into my pocket, since I hadn't bothered to take my shoes or jacket off, I was outside one second later, it was freezing by now and I almost slipped on the sidewalk, some woman walking by asked me whether I was alright and I wanted to yell at her that I didn't even know what alright felt like anymore.

There was only one place I had to go and look, Liam had always pretty much kept to himself, he didn't know a lot of people he could go to, which was fine, at least that limited down the options. He HAD to be at Harry's and Louis', I'd smash their window if no one was home to let me in, I just needed to see his stuff or car there and I'd carry on like I had planned to.

As I got to the massive looking house, there was no car there at all since they had a garage, which nearly made me hit myself out of anger, instead I parked my own car nearly half on the sidewalk before typing in the code so I wouldn't have to ring, I wanted to knock directly onto the front door so no one would have a chance to send me away if they didn't want to see me, I needed to get inside this house.

Surprisingly enough, I only had to smash my fist against the doorbell ten times within five seconds for someone to lock up, not Liam unfortunately, it was Louis, looking as if he had just seen some ghost. "What the hell, Niall? What's the-"

"Where is he, huh? Is he fucking hiding in your house so he doesn't have to face me anymore?!" Before Louis could open his mouth again, I had pushed past him and inside where Harry just came down the stairs, he looked about as confused as his husband, but I didn't give a shit, I wasn't here to talk.

"Niall… he's not here." OH RIGHT.

"Don't you dare lying to me! If he's not here then you won't mind if I go and check, right?" I thought this was a clever move, I was boiling with anger now and desperation as well, why didn't they tell me the truth? Why did no one tell me anything anymore?

"Well… you can go check if you want, but-"

"Good. Because I will." There was a sigh behind me, I didn't know what they were doing, it's not like I wanted to even know because I just started to look into every room, probably getting their floors dirty with my shoes but I honestly didn't even notice.

It took me half an hour to really check everywhere, also for his stuff and not Liam himself, but there was nothing there, not in the guest room or the bathroom or the garden house or the basement or the attic, nowhere, so I went back into the living room, trying to wipe the tears that were streaming down my face by now. "Lock the garage up."

"Niall-"

"I said lock it up!" Harry got up then, he threw a worried glance at Louis who just shrugged his shoulders, looking back at me, it almost seemed as if he was about to hug me, but I didn't need any hugs, I needed to know where Liam was.

"I can explain it to you, if you want me to, you know." As I ignored him, Harry didn't keep on talking, he just locked the door up that led to the garage, letting me pass.

My eyes nearly fell out at seeing three cars inside instead of only two, it was Liam's freaking car and they were still trying to tell me that he wasn't here?! "I knew it."

"It's just his car, he his not here neither is any of his stuff, just the car, Niall, come back inside and we'll explain. Please." Something told me that Harry wasn't lying, he had never lied to me before but I still went to check whether anything was inside the car, but nothing, I could've told him to open up the trunk but I felt like my blood had turned to ice, the trunk was too small to fit everything and why would it be there anyway? "Niall. come on."

There was nothing I felt like doing less than coming back inside, but I did it anyway, while crying, I didn't want to sit down, I wanted to go look for Liam, but I wouldn't know where and if his car was here then that meant that someone would've had to drive him, god knows where. 

"Take your jacket off, you must be hot." Louis' voice was soft as we came back, I wanted to tell him to leave me alone but then I obeyed, letting him take my jacket and sitting me down on the couch while he sat down on the coffee table in front of me, Harry slipped into the empty seat next to me a few seconds later. His hand on my back made me want to yell at him not to touch me, but I wasn't able to do anything besides shaking and crying, barely aware of the glances they exchanged the whole time, worried as it seemed. "Want me to explain?"

"I-Is h-he d-dead?" That was the only solution I had come to, Liam wouldn't just leave me like that, not if it was his choice, he had promised me, that he'd always be there if I needed him. I needed him really badly right now, so where was he?

"No, no of course he's not, Ni, he's fine, okay?" Harry squeezed me a little tighter, it was actually quite funny how they had spilt the roles, Louis was the one explaining and Harry the one to comfort, it was always like this, I felt like they were my parents sometimes. "Before I tell you, promise me you'll listen to everything I have to say before freaking out? You're gonna see him again, I swear, but you have to listen to the full story."

"O-Okay…" By now, I was so done, I put my head onto Harry's shoulder, as much as I had wished he would just back off before, I needed him to hold me now and he did, wrapping both his arms around my shoulders to keep me close while Louis took a breath.

"Alright. Liam loves you, he loves you so much and even if you're shaking your head now, that's not gonna change the fact that I'm telling you the truth. He's called a lot during the past weeks, he wanted to make this work and we kept telling him that he should give it a try but you know how stubborn he is. So he somehow got it into his head that you need to get over him before everything could go back to normal, he said he could live with being in love with you without making anything out of it but he couldn't see you suffering like that because of him. So that's why he decided to leave, we tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn't let us." So he was really gone. He had left me, just like this, as if I meant nothing.

"B-But…where'd he go if his car…" Had they driven him? Maybe he was in London with his parents, I could be there in a matter of hours.

My question made Louis really uncomfortable, I felt Harry kissing the top of my head, cuddling closer into him automatically, Harry had always been my second choice after Liam to go look for comfort when I didn't feel well, I loved Louis too of course, but it probably had something to do with the fact that when I had been younger I had been closer to Harry because I had known him first. "It's… complicated, because… alright. He's in the States-"

"What?!" What the fuck?! He had left the fucking continent without saying one single word to me??

"Niall, let me finish, please. There's this project at his school, you know, and suddenly they had a spot free and they asked Liam because it's more for younger teachers and he said yes. We told him not to do it, but we weren't able to talk him out of it and he would've done it with or without our help so his car is in our garage so it won't just stand around and get damaged or something, I drove him to the airport, last week." Wow, just wow. I couldn't believe I had just heard that, was he actually insane? Did he hate me? Why would he do that?!

"H-How long?" Suddenly my heart nearly stopped, Louis lowered his eyes at this and I was pretty sure I didn't want to know the answer.

"He'll be back one week after your birthday." THAT WERE NINE MONTHS!

"B-But h-he k-knows h-how m-m-much I-I n-need h-him…" This was it for me, I couldn't keep on talking because besides the tears making my sight blurry, I also couldn't get the tightness in my throat to leave so I buried my face in Harry's neck, wetting his shirt instead.

"I told him this would happen…" Louis muttered, I felt him sitting down on my other side while I was sure I was hurting Harry by having my arm so tightly wrapped around his stomach but he didn't say a word about that, he just continued holding me, petting and kissing my hair. "Ni, he didn't do it to hurt you, he was crying at the airport, he's doing it because he hopes that the distance would help you get over him, he wants both of you to learn and live without each other."

"B-But I-I d-don't w-want t-to g-get o-over h-h-him…" This was so fucking ridiculous, I just couldn't calm down, I felt Harry rocking me slightly and Louis rubbing my back as well, but it didn't help, we had never been apart for the past eight years, and if we had it had only been for a few days while we had texted and talked on the phone, I didn't know how to live without Liam, and I also didn't want to learn it.

"Yeah, I know, babe, we don't agree with any of his plans and I also don't think they're gonna work but he can still do what he wants, we tried to keep him here, for you, and change his mind but we couldn't talk him out of it. I'm so sorry, Nialler. We should've told you earlier but Liam told us that you don't come back to his flat anymore and I thought the longer you would take to find out the more time would pass by without you being affected by his absence." Liam was so stupid for thinking that nine months were enough to get over him, not a whole lifetime would be enough, I would always want him and right now more than ever. Maybe HE wanted to get over me.

"Hey, shh, Ni, it's alright, we're here for you, we're always gonna be here, okay? You can also stay here if you need to or if you would rather want to stay at Liam's flat and don't want to be alone we can stay there with you as well. Anything you want." They were both so nice despite the fact that I had just stopped listening completely now, just sobbing into Harry's neck, I didn't want to believe any of this, I just wanted Liam to come and get me home like he had always done.

"P-Please… c-can I-I h-have h-his n-number?" Their sighs almost happened at the same time, I wanted to call him, just to hear his voice, for one second only, I needed to know he was still somewhere in this world willing to talk to me.

"Niall… we don't have his number either. Also not his address. We would've given it to you otherwise and he knew that. All we got is his e-mail address, so we know if he's alright, but you got it as well." He wouldn't write back, that's would Louis didn't say, but even unspoken I knew that that was what everyone was thinking.

"I'm so sorry Nialler, I wish we could do something for you, we love you so much." I knew that they loved me, they loved Liam as well and it was incredible how much time they gave up to be there for us but right now this couldn't calm me down, I was so scared, that something would happen to Liam and no one would tell me, that he would come back deciding he didn't need me anymore, that he'd never forgive me for being like this the past three weeks. Right now, I would be perfectly fine with just being friends, if it still involved being allowed to cuddle up to him at night.

While being sorry for myself, they continued holding and stroking me, telling me that it was alright, that they were here and that I would be fine, I was barely listening, I was so caught up in my thoughts revolving around Liam, I didn't even notice when his name escape me for everyone to hear, that's when they decided they wouldn't let me go anywhere for the night. Maybe Liam had told them about our conversation some time ago, when I had told him that I'd kill myself rather than living without him, because I could suddenly remember it very well too. 

 

———

 

Liam had left the box behind at the flat, the one where we kept everything inside, I knew that because I had seen it while ripping my clothes out, so while I stayed with Louis and Harry, I might have choked it out at some point, so Louis said he'd drive over and bring it here, just in case I wanted to look at it. I did.

They also let me have a smoke in the garden, not saying a word about it, I had planned on stopping but I was too worked up to resist, it was only one though, then I was disgusted with myself and threw the rest of the package into the dustbin. Liam would've been so disappointed with me, he had bought me ice cream for being one week clean.

At night though, it got a little harder, I had managed to stop crying for a whole hour while having dinner, but lying in the unfamiliar bed in the guest room now, I wasn't really sure how to survive the night. "Where's Harry?"

"He went for a shower, he'll check on you when he's done, okay?" I didn't want Louis to think that I didn't want to have him here so now I felt bad for asking, he had driven to Liam's flat just to get me stuff and now he was on the edge of the bed so I wouldn't be alone.

"It's okay… can I tell you something?" Usually Liam was the one I talked to about everything, but since it was kinda involving our… fight or whatever that was and the fact that he wasn't here, I had to find someone else who would listen.

"Of course, anything." He leaned a little closer, smiling as if to encourage me but I saw that it was forced, probably because I looked like shit.

"You know I… before I came here I was at the flat and… I wanted to go get my stuff, I thought maybe Liam would see how serious I was, I thought maybe if he was scared enough to lose me completely, maybe he'd change his mind." Which seemed pretty damn stupid now, he obviously wasn't scared of losing me at all.

"Is there enough room for everything at your dorm?" Louis seemed a little surprised by what I had said, I knew why, because before any of this had happened, I would've never even imagined how it'd be like to not live with Liam anymore.

"No, but… I wanna quit college, I can have a full-time job at the studio and I also have saved up money that I could use for a flat, my boss said he'd lend me some if I do extra shifts." It felt kinda good to tell someone, Liam would've never approved of the whole quitting college part, he had tried to keep me there at all cost, but telling Louis now, he didn't get mad at me.

"Oh. I never knew you wanted to quit so badly. If you need money, you can borrow some from us and pay it back whenever, you know." They'd never want it back, which was exactly why I couldn't take it.

"It's alright, thank you. But yeah, I wanted to quit for a while, I failed a hell lot of exams that I never told Liam about, he wanted me to graduate but… I just can't do it anymore, I also don't want to. And now that he's… gone… I'm not sure if I… really wanna look for a new place… do you think he would mind if I stayed at his flat?" I really wanted to now, to keep the memories up and pretend that he was just gone for a few days and that nothing had changed, besides, someone had to take care of the place until he came back, right? Thinking all of this was weird, like, I had planned on never coming back and now the time that I hadn't been there had been wasted, every second I hadn't spent with Liam the past few weeks, it had lead to him leaving, I had been so damn stupid, thinking that I'd even be able to survive without him for a longer time, and I only realized that after he was out of reach. Maybe before I had been alright because I had known that if I had really wanted to, I could've always gone back, I could've always just driven over to his flat at night and climbed into his bed and he would've let me, despite the fight.

"Niall, of course he wouldn't mind. Actually I think he wants you to, I'll show you something, okay? One second." To my surprise, Louis suddenly got up, throwing a smile at me before disappearing out of the door.

No idea where he had gone, I turned onto my side now, looking over to where I had put the box and contemplating whether I was taking it too far by sleeping with a stuffed unicorn and pictures of me and Liam, probably, but I wasn't really sure if I cared whether this was normal or not.

Louis only took like five minutes, as he came back inside to sit down on his spot again, he was holding something in his hands, looked like a shirt. "When I got you the stuff, I found this under Liam's pillow, I think he left it for you." 

No way, this was Liam's sleep shirt! As soon as he had handed it over to me, I pressed it to my face, inhaling the scent, this definitely smelled like Liam, so much in fact, I started to cry. "Thank you…"

"I'm sorry, I forgot to give it to you before. You okay?" Some warm fingers wiped my tears away, I had shut my eyes, trying to stop myself from crying again, but having his shirt here just made me miss him even more, I didn't just wanna have a piece of cloth to cuddle with, I wanted Liam.

"Y-Yeah…" As I curled up, with my fingers clenched around the shirt to keep it close to my face, I felt Louis shifting a little closer and brushing some hair out of my forehead in slow motions.

"He's missing you just as much, I can promise you that one." I had no idea whether I should believe this or not, but I hoped he missed me, and that he would keep on missing me until he came back home, maybe that would open up his eyes and let him see that we were meant to be together.

When Harry came back to the guest room as well, I was half asleep, Louis' touches were really calming, they whispered stuff to each other for a while and left sometime in between, I think I slept in for a bit but then I woke up again, the clock next to the bed only read an hour later. And I was all alone in the dark.

It took me about five minutes to produce more tears, whenever I couldn't sleep I would just go and wake Liam or just get into his bed and cuddle into him and he'd automatically put his arms around me even in his sleep, but I couldn't do that now and I felt like I had to suffocate from pressing my face so tightly into the pillow, just to stop any sound from coming out of my mouth as I started sobbing. I couldn't be alone, it wasn't possible, I needed at least someone, Liam's shirt wasn't enough, also not after I put it on instead of mine to transfer the smell onto me. The picture on the bedside table didn't really help either, after pressing so many kisses over Liam's face that my lips started to hurt and whispering 'Please come back to me' ten million times, I had to admit it to myself that none of this really helped.

As I slipped out of bed, I tried to rub my cheeks dry, I didn't wanna look THAT pathetic, or maybe I did, because I had no idea how to ask for what I wanted, what if Louis and Harry wanted privacy? What if they were… in the middle of something? They had done enough for me already, I shouldn't have been tiptoeing down the hall to their room, but I was. 

The door wasn't fully closed, but it was dark inside and I heard no one talking, well, at least if they were asleep, I couldn't walk in on them having sex. If I hadn't felt like a child around them before, I felt like it now.

Before I could come up with something clever to say to wake one of them up, preferably without bursting out into tears, a voice nearly made me jump. "Niall, what's the matter?"

"I… " Shit, Harry had just come out of the bathroom to find me standing in front of their room looking like an idiot, I felt myself blushing hard which hopefully stayed unnoticed since it was really dark. "I'm fine I just… I should go lie back down."

"Hey, wait." He grabbed my arm softly as I tried to sneak past, making my heart speed up a little, I really didn't wanna go back all by myself. "Do you wanna sleep in our bed?"

"I-I… I don't wanna bother you, I just… wanted to see if you're still awake, because I… umm…" Because I was a fucking coward and a baby.

"You're not bothering us, come on." Even though I tried to resist a little bit, Harry pulled me with him into his bedroom, I felt even weirder now, to be there in the first place, but sleeping here with them even though they were married was really awkward, even for me.

Louis was asleep, but Harry made me sit down on his side of the bed anyway before he walked over to wake his husband by kissing his lips and shaking his shoulder softly. I wanted to die of jealousy. "Hey, baby, Niall's sleeping here, okay? Are you awake?"

"Hmm…. yeah, I'm awake…Niall?" As he turned, I saw his eyes flatter open, he even stretched an arm out towards me. "Come here, it's okay."

"But I-" 

"It's fine, Ni, get inside." Harry came back to me, he ran his fingers through my hair softly, trying to make me move into the middle of the bed. Did they really want me to sleep between them? It seemed so.

"My arm's getting weak, Nialler…" Just because I didn't know what else to do, I got under the blanket, they shared one, so that added up to the awkwardness, but as soon as I had lied down, Louis just pulled me closer to him while Harry ended up so close behind me, they could hold hands over me. "If you wanna talk you can just wake one of us."

"I'm fine… thank you…" This was more than I could've asked for, it wasn't uncomfortable at all actually, I felt Harry pressing into my back because he kept me so close with one arm around my waist and Louis' breath on my forehead, that's how close we were.

"You don't have to thank us, Ni, we love you, okay? Don't forget that, we'd do anything for you, you're like our little brother." More like their son, at least that's what I felt like, but it was nice, to have someone caring for me in a way like this.

"I love you guys too." At least I managed to calm down a little now, having someone berating next to me was really nice, I wasn't really used to sleeping alone, apart from on Liam's couch, but that was different. 

"Aright, let's all try and sleep, I gotta get up at seven tomorrow and you guys can sleep in, that's not exactly fair. Goodnight, babies." I loved how Louis could always brighten my mood, he leaned over me for a second to kiss Harry before giving me a kiss as well, on my forehead, and after that I felt a whole lot better.

———9 months later, Liam———

I had never been much a fan of waiting for suitcases after getting off a flight, but today it was taking extra long, or maybe it was the fact that I couldn't wait, I had never missed this shitty town as much as I had the past few months, in the end it had gotten especially bad, it's not that I didn't like Boston, it just wasn't home.

But this right here was home, I remember being here after coming back from London a few hundred times, but one time was burned into my mind the most, when I had been carrying Niall out of the plane after he had fallen asleep and we had waited on the same spot that I was standing on right now. Yeah, Niall… 

It had been hell, emotional hell. My plan had sounded logical in my head and for three weeks or so, I kept on believing in it, but it abruptly stopped working the way I wanted it to as I logged onto my computer and saw the mail Louis had written me, that's when I realized it had been a mistake, but it had been too late. There wasn't even so much text written, and it still threw me completely off track.

 

_Liam,_

_I know that you think what you did was the best for both of you and Harry told me I shouldn't write you this, but I think you'd want to know. I would if I were you._

_I left Niall with my family when Harry and me went away for Christmas, we wanted to cancel but he said no, and he also didn't wanna go home to celebrate with his parents, so this was the only solution we could think of._

_We got back like a few hours ago and he has gotten so much worse that I'm scared, he woke up five times last night from nightmares and when he went back to sleep in mine and Harry's bed, his shirt slipped a little and we saw that he has cut up his arm while we were gone._

_I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad about what you did, because it's not your fault, I know that you're doing this to save your friendship, but I felt the need to let you know._

_Don't worry, we're not letting him out of our sight anymore, we're not gonna let anything happen to him, he'll still be alive and alright when you get back, I promise._

_Louis_

 

So Niall didn't take me leaving very well, of course he didn't, but I hadn't thought he'd get THIS bad, after only one month, I mean, I wasn't doing well myself, I couldn't sleep at night, not even with Niall's hoodie that I had stolen, but I hoped that he was so angry with me for just taking off that he didn't even wanna think about me that much. But he did obviously.

After that e-mail, I almost crumbled, I almost called him or skyped him, just anything, but then I didn't, because if I did he would not even try to get over me, not even one second, so I cried myself to sleep instead, praying that he was gonna be okay.

Harry and Louis didn't write too many e-mails, maybe also because I hardly ever answered, it made everything harder if I did, the only things I knew for a fact now were that Niall had stayed with them for good two or three months, but I really had no idea what else was going on.

Everything I knew when I finally saw my suitcase arriving was that those nine months hadn't helped me getting over Niall, or even forgetting about him just a little bit, no, I think I was more in love with him than ever. And I had no idea how he felt about me, but I just wanted him back, so badly that I hadn't been able to function properly for the past two months because I had been thinking about this exact moment right here. Actually no, the moment on my mind was when I'd be hugging Niall again, but it seemed pretty far away right now.

I walked outside slowly, Harry had promised to pick me up but he needed half an hour to get here and there always was traffic, besides I was a few minutes early, so I'd probably have to wait, but that was fine, I just enjoyed being back for now.

There were a lot of people staring at me because of the size of my suitcase I suppose, I don't think I looked that strange myself, I hadn't really changed for the past few years, but I must admit, I hadn't looked into a mirror after the plane taking off, maybe it was that.

What I expected the least was one of my old students running up to me all of a sudden, I remember telling my middle school class that I'd leave, they had fucking cried, so I shouldn't have been so surprised to see such a happy face. "Hi, Mr. Payne!" 

"Wha- oh, hi…" For a second, I hesitated, because I tried to think of the girl's name, I almost panicked when it luckily slipped back into my mind. "Lily. Where are your parents?"

She was only eleven or twelve, not a good age to run around at an airport when it was that busy, but it did make sense that she was here, like, summer holidays would be over in a few days. "Over there."

I looked into the direction she pointed at, relieved that she was telling me the truth, they even waved at me and I shortly lifted my hand before turning back to her. "Coming back from holiday, huh?"

"Yes! Did you came back from America just now too? How was it? Are you gonna come back to teach us, please say yes!" Actually I had been a little scared about going back, but her smile made me feel better.

"Yeah, of course. Can't leave you stuck with Mrs. Smith, can I?" Immediately as it was out, I regretted having ever said, for a second I had almost forgotten that there was a chance she'd run off and tell on me even though she started laughing at that. "Don't tell anybody I said that, okay? I think your parents want you to go back to them."

"Okay. See you in four days!" With that she took off, I saw her hair for a while until she disappeared between the crowd, leaving me by myself again.

Somehow I wished I would at least have to pee or something, to pass some time, but I didn't and I wasn't even hungry, so I took as much time as I could to reach the main entrance. The big problem with someone picking me up was that my phone was still deactivated and I'd have to go to the shop to make it work again, my new phone had been a waste of money, I hadn't used it much during my time away, actually, I didn't wanna think about my time away because I was back now.

Since I had no idea where to wait, I put my suitcase where most cars had to drive by, sitting on top of it, this could take a while now, I could've taken a taxi as well but it would cost unnecessary money, besides, in case Harry ever got here, he'd have to wait for me until I found a phone to call him, that wouldn't be very nice.

While waiting I thought about how much I had missed Louis and Harry, not even close to Niall, but I was trying not to think about him on purpose, I'd be confronted with that problem sooner or later, if he even wanted to speak to me ever again that it is. I hoped so, I had gotten him so much stuff the past few weeks in America it was insane, I shouldn't have done that, considering that the whole plan had been to get over each other and now I was gonna pile him in presents, but I couldn't help it, I had missed his 20th birthday last week, this was really getting to me.

To say that I had to wait a little longer than expected was an understatement, in fact, I waited so long I already got up again to walk up and down a little, scrolling through my contact list to find Harry's number, maybe I could borrow someone's phone to call him or so, I don't know.

"Need a ride?" At this voice, I nearly fell off the side walk and in front of a bus, I couldn't turn around fast enough to check whether this had just been my imagination or not. My heart dropped to my pants.

Niall hadn't changed, not a bit, he was wearing sweatpants and a shirt, I assume he had slept a little too long since his hair was hidden under a snapback, something he did when he didn't feel like using hair gel, but other than his clothes, I just looked at his face, he was so much more beautiful than in any of the pictures I had on my laptop to look at, I had no idea how I had managed to ever leave for so long out of my free will, I must've been out of my mind. "Niall…"

"Hey." That was all he said, there was a smile on his face that I couldn't return because I was too overwhelmed, I didn't give a shit whether he was still mad at me, or if he wanted everything to go back to like it had been, because I did and it took me about 0.2 seconds to take those few steps and pull him into a bone crushing hug. 

At first, he stumbled back because it had been so unexpected, but as he wrapped his arms around me in return and buried his face in my shoulder, I could've cried from happiness, he still felt the same he always had, he also smelled like his old shampoo and that was more calming that anything. He was still my Nialler. 

We didn't pull away for a long time, no one said a word, but we held onto each other so tightly as if it was for last time. But nine months is a really long time, that were 252 days, almost a whole year, even worse when we considered that normally the longest we hadn't heard from each another had been 20 hours because I had counted back then. 

As he slowly loosened his arms, I wasn't ready to pull away yet, but I let him, almost about to kiss his forehead, hell, I wanted to kiss him everywhere, including his lips, but I held back. "You look good, Li."

This made me laugh, I quickly wiped over my wet eyes, slowly letting my hand slip from his hip, I couldn't believe that he was here. "You look better. Did you just get up?"

"How could you tell? I set my alarm for the right time, I swear." He pretended to be a little mad, which was adorable, everything he did was adorable, every move of his fingers or the way he blinked, even the way his mouth moved when he talked. 

"That's fine. Harry knows you're here, right?" Because if he didn't then we'd have to call him, but Niall gave me another smile that made my heart stop for a second.

"He doesn't. But he also doesn't know that you're to be picked up. I wrote that e-mail, from his account, he never checks anyway." Well, that changed things a little, but thinking about it, it made sense, Harry had only written me this one time, it had always been Louis the other times. 

"Oh. Okay. Thank you, getting a taxi would've been kinda hard." Looking over to where they parked, almost every single one was already taken because of the amount of people.

"Yeah, no problem. I hacked his account, his password is I love Louis, it took me two tries." Could it be that I was just falling even more for him? "That's a pretty huge suitcase, what's in there? A cow?"

"I'm afraid to disappoint you, but there are only my clothes in there and a bunch of stupid presents to make up for missing your birthday." He looked at me after that, surprised as it seemed, did he really think I had forgotten that?

"Really? You got me presents?" I listened up at hearing how tight his voice had gotten, why was this making him tear up, didn't he know that I still loved him just like before.

"Of course I did, you're twenty years old, Nialler, that's something." Something that had kept me up all night crying, if there would've been any possibility to come back sooner, I would've, there were so many things I regretted, it was impossible to make up for all of them.

"I thought… I thought you wouldn't really think about it." This was where the problems started, Niall looked down, playing with his fingers, the happy face was gone now and I was afraid it wouldn't return. I hadn't had enough time to think about what to tell him, I thought I would do it later since, of course I hadn't planned on him being the one to pick me up or otherwise I would've used the flight to come up with something that was good enough to take me back, at least as best friend, I really couldn't ask for more right now.

"Of course I thought about it, I… I thought about you a lot in general." Every single day.

"I thought about you a lot too…" There were tears in his eyes that made me want to hug him again and not let go this time, but he quickly forced another smile. "Let's drive home, okay?"

"Okay." We needed to talk, soon, because I didn't even have an idea about what had happened here the past few months, I didn't even know whether he still stayed at my flat, maybe he had found a girlfriend, maybe my plan had worked after all and he had gotten over me, all those things kept me awake at night and now that I finally had the chance to ask, I didn't have the guts to do it. 

Niall had parked the car like a mile away, I groaned a little about that which got him chuckling, he also wanted to take my suitcase for me, saying that I must be tired from the flight, I told him that I wasn't but it made me so happy that he still cared about me that I just screwed everything and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He blushed terribly, but he didn't back away in horror or looked as if he had hated it, I think he smiled.

"How's college going?" That question nearly made Niall dropped his keys, he locked up the car quickly, I didn't know what had been wrong about asking this but he took his time to answer, opening the trunk for me and looking at something behind me.

"Ummm… I quit." Oh. Well, this was none of my business I suppose, I just wanted him to be happy, if this is what made him happy, it was fine.

"So you're working full time at the studio?" Luckily he relaxed again as he saw how calm I remained, had he really thought I would get mad because of that, after everything that had happened?

"Yeah, I really like it, it's so much better than studying all the time." As he came to help me getting the suitcase inside, we kinda collided a little, accidentally, our fingers brushed first of all, but then Niall nearly fell over his feet out of embarrassment, right into me. "S-Sorry…"

"That's okay, Ni, careful." The fact that he was so shy all of a sudden bothered me a little, but then again, I wasn't completely comfortable with it either, only because I didn't know how far I was allowed to take it, maybe he was trying to figure out the same, he was here after all, he couldn't hate me THAT much. "Do you umm… did you stay at hom- at my flat?"

Niall was still trying to overplay his blushed cheeks as he shut the trunk and went for the door, waiting until I was seated as well to nod slowly, pretending to be looking at the radio. "Um, yeah. I hope you don't mind."

"Why would I mind? You're always welcome to stay, it's your home, too." Just to make sure he knew that I still wanted him there, not that I'd let him leave, I would do everything to get things to go back to normal, the only thing that being apart has done to me was that I realized that I would never be able to let him go.

"You know, I just stayed there, because, well…. but if you don't want me to I'll go tomorrow or-"

"What? No, you're not going anywhere, are you crazy?" God, I would rather kill myself than having him go back to stay at Louis' and Harry's place, I would deserve them yelling at me for three days straight, they had been there for Niall and I would never be able to repay them for what they did when I should've been the one being there for him. "Unless you want to, I mean…"

"No!" Whoops. "I-I mean…. no, I don't want to…"

"Good, because I want you to stay." His little outbreak made me chuckle, he nearly dropped his keys because he was so focused on not meeting my eyes, at the same time though, it was really sad that it had come to us having a conversation like this. 

Niall focused on parking out for a while, I played around with the radio, hoping he'd just forget his embarrassment, it was really hard not staring at him the whole time though, I couldn't believe I had actually survived this, we hadn't seen each other for a whole week even before I had left for another nine months. After I had promised I would always be there for him. There hadn't been one night where I hadn't judged myself for all of this. "Are you tired?"

Niall's voice nearly made me jump, I had watched the airport passing by as he pulled back onto the street, not being able to believe how happy I was to go back home. "A little maybe, but I slept on the plane, so I'm gonna be fine."

"That's good, because I made you lunch." Oh god, I wanted to kiss him.

"Thank you, Ni, really. Did you look up the time the plane would land?" Imaging him doing that was a really bad idea, he had actually remembered the day I would come back and even the exact time so he'd be able to pick me up AND he had made something to eat as well, unbelievable.

"Uh, yeah… I didn't… wanna ask Louis and Harry, they've gotten a little… overprotective." Couldn't blame them if they wanted to keep him away from me for a while, I actually didn't even know whether they were mad at me or not. I would be, if one of them had treated Niall like I had, I would've never talked to them again.

"Understandable…" It gave me a sting, I was the one who was supposed to be overprotective over him, not anybody else, just me.

"But I'm twenty years old, I don't need anybody taking care of me." Obviously he did, and if you asked me then he always would and I was gonna take that part over again, no matter what I'd have to do.

"They love you a lot, they're just scared that… " That I would go and hurt him even more, I quickly looked away, out of the window, because Niall had turned his head now as he stopped at a red light, I couldn't keep my voice straight while looking into his eyes, it did things to me.

"I know, they just treat me like their child sometimes, I mean… I know where this is coming from, but… I'm fine now." His knuckles on the wheel turned white, I noticed as soon as I turned my head back the second he drove on, but another thing caught my eye as well, after what he had said especially.

The scar on his arm from when he had been fifteen had never completely faded, but now there were two more under it that didn't look like they'd leave anytime soon, staring at the spot a little longer, I also noticed a few more, really light ones, but they had one thing in common. Every single cut had been because of me, I felt tears stinging in my eyes. "Do they hate me?"

"No, why would you think that?" Because how could they NOT?

"Do YOU hate me?" I hadn't planned on asking him just like this, but it just bubbled out of my mouth while I was still looking at his scars as if I could force them to heal like this.

The question however seemed to confuse Niall as well as shocking him, it seemed pretty appropriate to me though. "I could never hate you. We… we're still best friends…right?"

That pause nearly killed me, the fact that he had to make sure that I approved nearly made me lose my mind. There was such a big lump in my throat now, I didn't even know if he heard what I tried to choke out. "There's no need for you to ask that…" 

Was he trying to tell me that best friends was all we would stay now? Could my life be so cruel that after finally realizing how much I needed Niall, and not as a brother or best friend, but in completely other ways, he didn't return my feelings anymore?

Since the car drive took us at least thirty minutes, I didn't wanna start crying or talk about topics like this anymore, we'd have to talk about everything of course, but right now didn't seem the time and place to do that. So I decided to just ask Niall anything that came to my mind, about his work, about how Louis and Harry were doing, whether he had seen his family sometime and how he had spent his birthday. For a bit, he just answered my questions, which already got me scared he actually didn't wanna talk, but after a while, he finally started asking me stuff as well, that I answered too happily. I was so keen on having a normal conversation it was insane, I just felt like I had to make up for nine months of not being together right at this second, which was ridiculous, but I couldn't help it.

Seeing my street and the familiar building made me smile without a reason really, or maybe it was also because I had managed to make Niall laugh twice in the past twenty minutes, he noticed my mood change immediately as he stopped the car. "You happy to be back?"

"Of course I am, you have no idea, I'm never leaving this town ever again." That made him grin really big, but I really meant it right now, and if I did ever go somewhere again, I'd take him with me.

Niall actually got my suitcase out of the car without my help, I was too slow unbuckling the seatbelt so then I was really impressed. "Don't be so surprised, I've gone to the gym a few times."

"A FEW times?" I poked his tummy, noticing that it wasn't as soft as it used to be but he just laughed, pushing my hand away slightly.

"It's only fair, just look at yourself." Not that I wanted to sound vain, but it was true, if you want to kill yourself then working out is a really good coping mechanism, for me at least, and maybe for Niall as well.

"Well, I must admit, I haven't looked at myself since about twelve hours now." Probably even longer, I remember getting up this morning and not caring about what I looked like, it had been way too early, but at the same time I had felt as if I could win a marathon or something.

"Yeah, I can see that." He joked, laughing loudly as soon as I pulled a face, pretending to be mad when in reality I got goose bumps from the way his laugh sounded. "Come on, I was just kidding, you know how hands- … how good you look. Yeah… let's go upstairs, okay? I even managed to vacuum clean once a month."

Ignoring the fact that he had stumbled over his words and blushed again, I just smiled at him again, taking my suitcase from him. "I'm impressed. What about the windows?"

"What about them?" Niall actually seemed honestly confused, he locked the car up before walking next to me, already fumbling with the keys in his pockets, which was good because mine were buried somewhere. 

"Umm… you gotta clean windows?" It came out like a question because Niall's eyes actually went wide at this, but then he just shrugged.

"Oops. Well, you can still see through them. A few of your plants died though, I wanted to replace them but then the new ones died too, sorry." I smiled fondly at him even if he didn't notice, but it was so Niall to say stuff like this, I had known before that he wasn't good with watering plants, but it was cute that he had tried so hard.

As we reached my front door, I actually expected him to lock right up, but suddenly there was some expression on his face that almost scared me. "What's the matter?"

"I umm… I gotta tell you something before we go inside…" His bottom lip looked close to splitting open, I didn't know whether to take this serious or not, it wouldn't be a new thing for him to exaggerate stuff.

"Did you sell all my stuff?" I tried making him lift his head again by laughing, however it didn't work, I just made him sigh.

"No, I didn't, but… you gotta meet someone." Wait… what?

"Who?" Well NOW I was nervous, was he just about to tell me that he was in a relationship or something, what the hell?! 

"W-Well… I promise that… you know, I was lonely and…" Did we have it official now? He had found someone else, I wanted to cry, but I could just blankly stare at Niall, this couldn't be the true, this- "I bought a cat."

"You… you bought a CAT?" Niall flinched at my loud voice, even more as I just started laughing loudly, I was so fucking relieved, I don't think that I could've been bothered now if he had bought an elephant. "When?"

"Well… I didn't actually buy it, but one of my co workers has a cat and she got kittens and Liam, they were so fucking cute I stayed two hours just to play with them and then she said I could have one if I wanted to and I couldn't resist. But to answer your question, about three months ago." As soon as I had started smiling, he was more willing to tell me, as if he had really thought I'd get mad because of him falling in love with a kitten and taking it home.

"So we got a cat now, good. Let's see it." For a second he just blinked, but then a smile spread across his face that I returned automatically as he turned to finally turn the key in the lock, a little too fast maybe.

"You're gonna love her, I promise, okay? She's soo cute, Li, she always sleeps on my chest when I wake up." His excited voice made me really happy, I was so glad that he had this cat if it filled him with so much joy, I was pretty sure Louis and Harry had been excited about it as well, seeing Niall's mood being lifted up like that and the sparkling in his eyes. No idea how he had been three months ago, I hoped better than in the beginning, but if not, that kitten had surely been a really good distraction, if he said he had been lonely, then…

"So it's a girl?" I tried to slip inside the flat quickly behind him and pulling the door closed, I didn't wanna be responsible for his beloved cat escaping.

"Yeah… one second." Before I could say another word, Niall had disappeared into the direction of my bedroom, letting me take this moment in by myself all of a sudden. Nothing had changed, all my stuff was where it had always been, it smelled different in here now though. Like Niall. And maybe a tiny hint of cat food, but I wasn't an expert for that really.

When he popped up again, the smile was still there, but my eyes quickly went down to what he has holding in his arms, a fluffy ball of white fur that Niall was running his fingers through softly, I liked seeing him being so gentle and caring, I was in love with this cat already for making him feel so much better.

Niall was so excited to show it to me as well, he came over immediately to where I was still almost standing by the door, nearly shoving the cat at me. "Here, you can hold her, she's not gonna scratch or anything."

"Okay… come here, Jellybeans." I just said the name without thinking, taking her out of Niall's arms and into my own, she meowed a little, but she stayed still like Niall had promised, actually purring as I started stroking her.

"How did you know…?" Confusion was written across his face as I laughed quietly, leaning forward to kiss his the side of his head slightly, old habits die hard I guess.

"You think I was gonna forget our late night conversations about how getting a cat would improve my life a hundred percent? And the list your wrote me with pro and cons? And the ten million pictures of every cat on google that I had to delete from my phone every night?" This was supposed to be funny, but as I stopped talking, Niall's smile was really sweet, he stepped closer to stroke Jellybeans as well, brushing my hand while doing so, only this time, none of us flinched.

"I didn't think you would remember that. Especially the name." The name was the hardest to forget, really, it really was original, I'll give him that.

"Well, it took you a whole chemistry class to come up with it after all." Mentioning another detail had Niall grin even bigger, he looked up at me now, our faces much closer than before and I couldn't help but quickly look down at his lips.

"That's true. Hey, you know what? If you want to, you can go shower and I'll heat up the food meanwhile, okay?" Just like it used to be, this nearly brought tears to my eyes, I had trouble holding his, well, OUR, cat properly because I wanted to hug him so badly now, instead I nodded, not minding at all as his hand remained on my arm for a bit.

Since all my clothes were stuffed into my suitcase, I had a bit of trouble looking for all the stuff, so I went into my bedroom after showering. Niall had made the bed but it was pretty obvious that he had slept in here, he had been never good at making a bed, which was fine, I liked to think that he had come here every night.

Right as I was done finding something to put on, closing the suitcase again so Niall wouldn't accidentally see what I had gotten him, I almost knocked the bedside table down, making something drop to the ground with a bump. Not expecting anything, I just sat back down to get it from under the bed, about to put it back where it belonged when something caught my interest. Since when was Niall someone to keep a calendar, this was pretty weird, like.

Before I knew what I was doing, the background noise of Niall doing something in the kitchen became kind of unnoticeable, all I heard now was my own breath and my heart beat speeding up as I flicked through the calendar, every single day up to today had been crossed out, starting with the 14th of December. The day I had left.

There was no doubt anymore, if Niall had done anything while I had been absent, it had definitely not been moving on with life normally or trying to forget me, he hadn't even stopped thinking about me for one single day and the proof for that was right here in my hands.

Some of the x's had been made with a little more force, as if he had been angry, those were mostly in May, paired with a few dried tear drops that would soon be replaced with fresh ones if I didn't pull myself together right now. I was the most horrible person to walk this earth, how could I have done this to him, I had known how much he needed and loved me, and I just thought packing up my bags and running away from our problems would help. I had broken him.

Niall was sitting at the kitchen table when I finally managed to stop new tears from coming, he let Jellybeans sit on the table too, to feed her some snacks for cats or something which didn't surprise me at all, I also didn't really mind to be honest.

I got a smile that I didn't deserve almost as soon as I came around the corner, he had made lasagna, because it was my favorite I assume, and just that made me wanna start crying all over again. "Hey."

"Hi… wow, thanks, Nialler, you didn't have to make such an effort, really." But I really appreciated it, after seeing the calendar, I felt like I needed to be extra careful with my words now, especially for the talk we still needed to have.

"I wanted to, it's okay. Sit down." I did, hardly being able to take my eyes off of him, he was so cute talking to the cat as if it was a toddler or something, putting her down after all the treats were gone. "I'll take all the blame if she gets fat, but I can't resist her when she starts nudging me for more food."

"She looks fine to me though, she really is cute." Not as cute as Niall when he was talking about her, but that was okay, no one would ever reach this level.

"I'm glad you like her, because I don't think I'd be able to give her away or something, it's like when you had your old cat and I was obsessed with it. Remember that? I even had it as my lock screen." He shook his head slowly at himself while I laughed, of course I remembered that, too good actually.

"You were a really awkward child, Ni, nothing could've surprised me anymore." Niall had gotten his mouth full while I talked so now he couldn't complain about what I had said immediately, he first of all had to swallow down while looking at me angrily. He looked about as terrifying as Jellybeans did while rubbing her head on my leg.

"It's not fair that you know so many stories about me when I was younger and I don't know any about you." Reminded me of the time he had made me show him pictures of me when I had been younger so we could compare, turned out that maybe I shouldn't have kept photos from when I had been thirteen.

"There's nothing about me to say, I've always been this boring." Then I shrugged, eating a forkful as well because I noticed that my stomach was growling, I had missed Niall cooking for me. 

"You're not boring…" Not sure if I had really heard that, but even if, I never commented on it, quickly changing the topic by complimenting his cooking skills.

When we were nearly done eating and I was laughing about something Niall had said, his phone started ringing and he took it out, frowning a little before picking up, which got me a little nervous. "Hey… I'm fine… yes, really… ummm…. " There was a longer pause, Niall looked anywhere but into my face, I could see him blushing quite rapidly as he tried to take a quiet breath. "I picked him up from the airport, he's right here."

Oh. This was about me, now I felt rather dumb. Since I wasn't sure what to do, or if I should just leave, I remained seated, trying to act as natural as possible until Niall suddenly sighed a 'Okay' into his phone before holding it over to me, still trying to avoid eye contact. "Who is it?"

"Harry." That was gonna be fun. Not.

Of course I took the phone anyway, holding it to my ear while being very well aware of Niall's stare, it seemed he found it easier to look at me when I wasn't. "Hi, Haz."

"I must admit, I missed hearing your voice. Can I put you on speaker?" At least he wasn't yelling at me yet, I had missed talking to him and Louis as well, writing e-mails was something completely different than actually having a normal conversation.

"Sure." Niall seemed to get slightly nervous now, which stopped me from relaxing, I was scared he knew what was going to happen now or something.

"Liam, are you okay?" Louis' voice sounded a little more careful than Harry's had, well, they shouldn't be trusting me anyway, I had caused them so many problems and so much stress, I should've actually thanked them, but I couldn't while being in a room with Niall. 

"Of course I am, I'm glad to be back. How are you guys?" Not too well probably, I could imagine how it was like living in constant fear Niall might do something to himself, but he had refused to stay at their place any longer after two months as far as I knew, which I understood, but they probably didn't.

"We're good, happy you're back, man. But listen ummm… the actual reason why we wanted to talk to you was because, well… because of Niall. I know he's in the room with you, but Liam, please promise me you'll be careful with him, okay? Whatever it is that you decided over the past few months, tell him… gently. He's probably gonna be annoyed by us talking to you, he thinks we baby him too much, but if anything bad happens or so… please tell us, because he most likely won't and he has stopped talking about you altogether like a month ago, so we have no idea what's going through his head." It sounded as if they were worried parents, I saw now why Niall had said the stuff about him being their child earlier in the car, but all I got out of this was that if it hadn't been for Louis and Harry, Niall would've been even worse.

"I promise, don't worry, okay?" Niall was rolling his eyes now, he had leaned back, confirming Louis' theory about him being annoyed.

"Thanks. You gotta come over sometime soon, yeah? And tell Niall that if he ignores our text messages for three days in a row again we'll call his boss to ask if he's alright." Three days? Why'd he do that?

"I will, of course. we'll see us soon." Really soon, after hearing their voices I remembered how much I had missed them as well, Niall a lot more of course, but they were still my best friends as well.

"Bye, Li, we love you, both of you." They hung up after I was able to tell them that I loved them as well, maybe it had been a wise decision not to, because as I handed Niall his phone back he let out quite a long sigh.

"What did they say?" Funny, how he automatically assumed that both of them had talked to me, he probably had experience with that stuff.

"Nothing, really, just that they're glad that I'm back and that they will call your boss next time you ignore them. They also said they love you." The most important part was missing, but I couldn't exactly tell Niall that, could I? Not even Louis and Harry knew what he was thinking about this situation now, if he hadn't talked about me in a month, but on the other hand, I had so much proof that he had at least thought about me.

"Yeah… I love them as well, but I… I just needed some time alone, I guess. It's… a little weird to stay with a married couple, when… " Both of us looked down immediately at this, I tried to act normally, as if he hadn't nearly been talking about the _thing_. "Umm…. give me your plate, I can clean the kitchen."

"It's fine, I'll help you." I hated those awkward situations we constantly got into just because no one had the guts to actually say what they were thinking, I mean, actually it was my part to speak up, I had a lot of stuff to explain, I was just too scared to start, I didn't wanna ruin anything or say something wrong.

We didn't need a long time to clean up, but it felt like forever to me because we couldn't get over the awkwardness, so as soon as Niall picked up the cat again, I realized I needed to do something or he'd walk off to the living room, so I blurted out the first thing on my mind. "Hey, I'll show you what I got you, okay?"

He nearly dropped Jeallybeans from being so surprised to hear me speak up, but there was a shy smile that I hurried to return, hopefully not as creepily as I think it looked like. "Okay."

The walk back to my bedroom was a mistake, mostly because I couldn't keep my eyes off of the calendar, I didn't plan on bringing it up to Niall, it was none of my business after all. Problem number two, I nearly fell over my own suitcase and normally I wouldn't have cared, but this time I blushed, trying to play it down, which was stupid, like, this was just Niall, no one I had to impress. Or maybe I did. 

"Did you hurt yourself?" His worried voice just made me shake my head quickly, there was so much distance between us as we sat on the bed, it was almost ridiculous. "Hey, Li… do you mind if I let Jeallybeans on your bed? I… she's been on there a lot, but I-"

"It's fine, Niall, really, don't worry, okay?" To show him that I meant it, I picked her up to put her between us myself, I really liked this cat, she always went to rub herself against Niall as if she was trying to cheer him up and he always smiled as if he had won the lottery or something. "Alright… well, I feel like I gotta explain myself for getting you all this stuff but it's just they have so many different things over there and I literally bought every kind of candy that looked good, so." 

While talking, I just started opening my suitcase, I had put all of his stuff on the top for that matter, or left it in the bags I had gotten it in just to be able to find it easier. It wasn't just candy, even if that was the majority, I had also gotten him other stuff like shirts and snapbacks, just anything that I thought he would maybe like, the really sad thing was, the excuse that it was for his birthday had only been that, an excuse, I had started buying stuff for him maybe even before the fourth month I had been gone.

"Happy late birthday, Ni. I'm still sorry I wasn't there, I hope you like some of the-"

"Oh, be quiet." For a second I froze, not knowing how I should take this but then I saw Niall laughing, putting the shirt he had been looking at on the bed to almost throw himself at me unexpectedly, which didn't meant that I didn't wrap him up in my arms immediately, I wouldn't let a chance like that pass me by. "Thank you so much, Liam, you really shouldn't have. I feel really bad now for not getting you anything for your birthday."

"Don't worry, that's okay. I wasn't necessarily excited about turning 25 anyway." Really, I had forgotten about it to be honest, I had got to know some people while I had been away, but I had never bothered to tell anybody, my mother reminded me with a really angry e-mail about me not telling her that I had changed my phone number though.

"But you should be excited, birthdays are always exciting. We should try all the stuff you bought, instead of a cake." His head on my shoulder made me wish we could just remain in the hug for forever, I had actually closed my eyes, just to be able to remember this a little better once he'd pull away. 

"Didn't Louis and Harry make you a cake?" Niall's hair brushed my cheek as he leaned back, I kept my hands on his hips for as long as possible, hoping that he didn't mind.

"Yeah, they ordered one, a really big one actually, I can show you a picture later." He rolled his eyes a little however he still smiled, we all knew that he liked cake a lot, a little too much. "They also bought me a new phone, but I haven't used it yet."

"Why not?" I probably wouldn't use it either, because that was one expensive present, but Niall just looked down at this, shaking his head slowly.

"I didn't wanna lose everything that's on my old. Like pictures and messages and stuff…" If he was talking about the messages him and me had written and the pictures we had taken then it was official now that I really needed to say something, I actually opened my mouth already when Niall suddenly forced a smile. "But enough of that, let's try the candy instead, okay? I can't wait."

And with that, my chance was wasted again.

 

————

 

That night, I couldn't sleep once again, it had become normal to me now, even if the room I was in wasn't what I had gotten used to at all. My sheets smelled like Niall, the whole flat did actually, and it wouldn't let me find any rest without wishing that instead of just smelling him, I wanted him to sleep in bed with me.

We had eaten so much candy earlier that Niall had told me he wouldn't be able to move anymore today so we sat and watched some TV, which actually had happened without any strange situations or so, we just simply talked about every day stuff, with half an arm length between us though.

But being here now and knowing that he was lying on the couch was really weird, also that when I accidentally kicked my blanket off, I nearly jumped as my foot brushed something fluffy, before remembering that it was Jellybeans. I assumed that the reason why she was sleeping on the edge of my bed was because ever since Niall had gotten her, he had always slept in my bed with her, which also explained why he had made such a face at the cat wandering off with me to the bedroom. This did make me feel really bad, but what was I supposed to do, I couldn't exactly tell her to stay with him and I had no idea whether I'd go too far by offering him to sleep in bed with me. Even if I had offered to take the couch, he had insisted on him sleeping there so this was how we had gotten into this weird situation.

My clock read midnight as I decided that I wouldn't be able to find any rest, I just needed to check on Niall, as if he would disappear if I didn't go, I just wouldn't be able to lose him again. Today, or actually yesterday, at the airport I had started feeling really worried about everything, like, what if my flight would be cancelled or the plane would crash, he'd never know that I still loved him more than anything, this was still making me nervous now, why was I letting so much time pass by, I could lie in bed every day for the rest of my life, but I had wasted so much time that me and Niall could've had together.

I was up on my feet before really planning on what to do, everything was really quiet now besides some car driving past outside, Niall hadn't closed the curtains before going to sleep so now I could make some figures out in the dark, I knew where the couch was anyway, but I didn't wanna fall on top of Niall by accident or scare him or something, so I stopped about halfway there. "Niall? You awake?"

There was no sound besides him turning a little and maybe sighing, but I wasn't too sure so I quietly got closer until I was able to sit on the coffee table, looking down at him as far as that was possible. It didn't seem to be a very relaxing sleep, half of the blanket had fallen off and he was all curled up, probably because he was cold, but he still looked so small while sleeping that my heart started to ache, he was such a baby and I couldn't deal with the fact that I had hurt him like this.

Carefully, I tried to tug him back in, brushing over his hair because he wouldn't notice anyway, right, but I missed touching him whenever I wanted to or pull him close, I just wanted him back so badly it hurt.

"Hmm…." As he moved again, nearly over the edge of the couch with some sound escaping him, I froze for a second before understanding that he was just dreaming. Well, 'just' dreaming maybe looked a little different. "No… no, don't… please…"

Maybe this had been caused by me touching him too much, I felt guilty for him having nightmares anyway so I quickly reached out to take his hand in mine softly, felt like getting an electric shock or something. "Hey, Ni, shh, it's okay." 

"Please, no… s-stay…" I nearly gasped for real at hearing this, he really needed to wake up now, I could still pretend I hadn't heard right, I didn't wanna have a confirmation on what his nightmares were about exactly. But I got one. "Liam… please…don't leave…"

That was it, I felt like having to burst out into tears as I freed my hand from his, bringing it up to his shoulder instead and shaking softly, he was whimpering now, my name. "Niall, wake up, I'm right here. Please open your eyes, I'm not going anywhere anymore."

He sat up with a gasp, as far as I could tell when it was dark, he was crying now, breathing really hard. "L-Li?"

"I'm here, Niall, it was just a dream, okay? I'm here and I'm staying." What had I done? I was almost 100% sure that this wasn't his first time he was having a nightmare like this one.

As soon as I sat down next to him, Niall pressed himself into my side, wrapping his arm around my stomach and crying into my shoulder quietly while I hoped that I wasn't hurting him by holding him this tightly, constantly pressing kisses into his hair. "P-please never leave me a-again…"

"I won't, Niall, there is nothing that I regret more than leaving you, and without saying one word, I would never do it again, I promise." Which probably didn't help, I had promised it before as well, that I'd always be there, that we'd always have each other, I could just hope that I was gonna win his trust back at some point.

"B-But I missed you so much a-and… w-when I found out you w-were g-g-gone, I didn't know w-what to d-do a-and… I-I'm so s-sorry for w-whatever I did that m-made you l-leave…" No way was he going to blame himself, I had to take a deep breath, feeling a tear roll down my cheek at this, everything was just bubbling out of him now and I wasn't sure if I should be happy about it, but I was somehow, we needed to finally talk about it instead of pretending nothing had happened.

"You did nothing wrong, babe, it was my fault, everything was my fault, also that we fought in the first place. I'm so sorry I did this to you, I know I can never make up for this but I'm not gonna stop trying." I didn't deserve him snuggling even closer, I had no idea why he would even want to, I was a complete asshole.

"S-Sorry for c-crying…" Before I got to tell him that he could cry all he wanted to, he took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes a little and moving so his head was tucked under the crook of my neck. "Did I sleep talk again?"

Again? "Yeah…but it's okay now, Ni."

"No, it's not… Louis and Harry have heard it too, multiple times, until they didn't wanna let me sleep by myself anymore because I had nightmares every night… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you, I-"

"Of course you should have, Niall. I wanna know everything, this is all my fault and no one else's, I should know what I have done." Even if it would be pure torture, but it was what I deserved, I was lucky I got to hug Niall tighter to my chest without him pulling away.

"It's not your fault, we both messed up a bit, okay? I just… I wasn't used to sleeping alone anymore and I always slept in your bed when you were gone and Jellybeans was there as well and yeah…" So I had been right about this, of course, what had I been thinking banning him onto the couch, this was just getting worse and worse.

"Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?" With or without me, I would probably make him anyway, it couldn't be that I just left and he got used to something just so he'd have to move again when I decided to come back.

"With you?" The question didn't sound as if he was disgusted or anything, it was just a question.

"Do you want me to? Or not, that's okay-"

"I want you to." Niall leaned back all of a sudden, wiping his tears once again, I wanted to do it for him but he was faster, at least there was a smile tugging on his lips now that made me relax a little.

"Okay, let's go. I think Jellybeans misses you too, she didn't even wanna be stroked." There was a small laugh as Niall attempted to get up, I would've liked it if he would've stayed in my arms a little longer but I guess I couldn't ask for so much, he was already gonna sleep in my bed. With me.

"She's gonna get used to you soon." He gathered up his blanket and pillow when I had gotten to my feet as well, wanting to help but he told me that he already got it. We could've shared my stuff too but maybe it was too soon to offer that, I don't know, for now I was just happy he came with me.

Because of the darkness Niall stayed a little closer to me, it was really hard to see actually so I turned on the lamp on my bedside table, waiting until he had settled down comfortably on the other half, with the cat lying on his chest now, purring under his strokes. "Okay?"

"Yeah… but do we have to go to sleep?" No, and I also didn't want to, I had just wanted to give him the change to do it because I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to sleep for a few more hours at least.

"Of course not." I leaned back against my pillow as well now, slipping down a little so I wouldn't have to fully sit up, because Niall wasn't either.

"Hey, Liam… there's something I wanted to tell you. Actually… confess, because I… I feel really guilty." He stared at my closet instead of daring to meet my eyes as I turned my head, already expecting the worst.

"What's the matter?" What if he told me something like that he had thought about how he didn't wanna be with me anymore, or that he was sure we would never work as a couple, or even worse, what if he had fallen for someone else?!

"Well… remember when I was fifteen and… we had this fight and then I… accidentally cut so deep into my arm that I had to get stitches? And I promised I'd never do it again, but…. I did." There was so much guilt in his voice it made me shiver, but instead of hesitating, I moved a little closer to him, somehow relieved that it was 'just' that, because I had already known after all.

"Can I see?" That question threw him a little off track, he looked at me for a bit, scared as it seemed but then he nodded, slowly moving his arms for me to see, even though I already had seen it in the car, but now I reached out for it, making Niall flinch a little.

"I'm sorry, I know that I promised, but it was only one time, I swear, Louis and Harry were on honeymoon on Christmas and I… I stayed with Louis' family and I had to pretend I was alright all day long and then… at night I just couldn't take it anymore… what are you doing?" Kissing the scars, every single one, like I had kissed his bruises better when he had been a child, Niall nearly choked, he actually made a noise that had Jellybeans jumping off his chest to lie by his feet again.

"They're all there because of me." Even I noticed the bitterness in my voice, I just stared blankly at his arm after leaning back again, rubbing my thumb over his skin softly until he suddenly pulled away, lightly touching my cheek with his fingers, I felt as if I had a million butterflies in my tummy.

"Not, they're not, I put them there, not you. You didn't just leave because of nothing." As Niall turned to his side just like me, he moved his hand to my hair, brushing some out of my forehead before letting it drop, cheeks tainted red and his bottom lip between his teeth. "There's something else."

"What is it?" One day he would give me a heart attack, I swear to god, only this time, I felt as if it was actually something I didn't really wanna know about.

"Can I ask something first?" It was impossible for me to take my eyes off of him, I wanted to pull him closer and never let go again while Niall even had trouble looking at me for more than five seconds, he was constantly blushed and playing with the blanket.

"Anything." He deserved every single answer he wanted.

"Did you leave because you wanted to help me get over you? And so you would get over me as well?" Honestly, this was a bit unexpected, I turned onto my back, closing my eyes for a second while I felt Niall's on me.

"Yes." That was the most stupid reason someone could have, hearing it out loud was even worse, I can't believe I had thought this could actually work, at least from my side, I had no idea about him.

"And… did it work?" That question hung between us for a while, Niall shifted a little next to me as I didn't answer immediately, I was just so nervous to say it in case he didn't feel the same for me anymore, but I'd have to eventually.

"No." Once it was out, I released a breath, not opening my eyes, because to be completely honest, I didn't wanna see his reaction, just hearing it would be enough.

Instead of answering to that, he hesitated for a bit, moving, maybe onto his back as well, before speaking up again. "I slept with someone else while you were gone. Twice. In June."

"Who?" My voice was so calm when I felt like punching a wall, he had found someone else, I knew it, I'd have to pay for what I had done.

"A guy I met at a bar, we didn't know each other the first time. I never told Louis or Harry about this, they didn't want me to go out by myself." Of course not, I remember telling them to keep an eye on them and as I had seen how they didn't really take it as serious as I wanted them to, I told them about Niall smoking because of stress and how he had once told me he would kill himself if I would ever be gone. They obviously had taken it serious after that.

"Do you… do you love him?" At the last four words, my voice nearly broke, I tried my hardest not to cry, but having to ask this really fucked me up, I don't think I'd be able to survive Niall having someone else, but I sure as hell would deserve it.

"No, I only slept with him because I wanted to distract myself and he didn't mind, he was nice actually but we wouldn't have worked out." Thank god, I wasn't allowed to feel relieved, but I was and it nearly made me cry, there was still hope.

"Why not?" My eyes were still closed, I didn't know what Niall was doing, all I knew was that he was too far away and I was about to just grab his face and force my lips onto his.

"Because he wasn't you." Niall was faster.

Before I got to fully take in his words, I felt something soft against my lips, quickly realizing it were his, Niall was actually kissing me, his weight was slightly pressing on my chest, his palm pressing against my cheek as I let my eyes flatter closed again after opening them up in shock. 

This was the very first time that I kissed him while being fully aware of it, it was mind blowing, he gently asked for permission to slip his tongue into mouth and when he did I felt tingles everywhere, kissing someone had never felt like this, sure, this wasn't by far not our first kiss, but when I had been wasted, I don't think I had been able to fully get into it, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to ever stop again.

I kissed him back with just as much force as he did, it quickly turned more heated, we were both running out of breath, but refused to pull away, I kept him close with one hand in the back of his neck, the other on his cheek, I needed to feel him, to be completely sure that he was here and this was real.

The second we pulled apart, just so much that both of us could fill our lunges with oxygen again, Niall smiled brightly while breathing hard, his thumb still rubbing circles into my skin slowly. "Liam… I love you. I have all the time and I always will and no matter how long we're apart I'll always only want you." 

He still loved me, just as much as before, nothing had changed about his feelings, I had been gone just so I would realize something that I had already known before, I loved this boy like crazy and it didn't matter how we had grown so close, all that mattered was Niall. "I love you too, Nialler, god… I love you, I don't know how to tell you how much and I know how fucking badly I have messed up but I see it now, and I don't care anymore about everything that I've said before because it's not wrong, it's everything I want. You."

We kissed again even if I had hardly brought out the last word, it was a really short and sweet kiss because Niall suddenly started giggling into my mouth and had to pull away, it was so cute, my lips turned into a smile all by themselves. "Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, I just… I can't believe this."

"Me neither…" Nine fucking months wasted when I could have had this before, I brought my hand up to his face, brushing my thumb over his bottom lip softly and his smile faded a little as he leaned in, until his forehead was resting against mine. "Are you ever gonna be able to fully forgive me for this? And trust me again?"

"Liam… I do trust you, I know why you have done it, and if this is what took you to realize you want this then I'm glad that you did it. There's nothing to forgive." I kissed him again after that, and again and again, because hearing those words was so good I wanted to cry, I knew he meant them, he wouldn't just say something that he didn't mean.

As I rolled us over so I could be on top of him instead, he wrapped his arms around my neck, playing with the hair in the back softly, still smiling sweetly after I pulled back from peppering his face with kisses to look into his eyes. "Louis wrote me e-mails, not much but a few. And he told me how you were doing. I regretted leaving the second I sat in the plane, but I believed that what I was doing was the right thing for about three weeks. And then it was too late. Please tell me what happened, Niall, I just want to know what I have done."

"Liam, I… " He looked down for a second before sighing, pulling me a little closer to him and turning his head to press a kiss into my palm against his cheek. "You really want me to tell you?"

"Yes." I just needed to know, there was no one else who'd be able to tell me but I had to be fully aware of my actions and Niall just sighed as he looked into my face, obviously knowing me too well.

"I… I made a plan. Before you left, I failed all of my exams, before the wedding even and I never told you because I didn't want to disappoint you. So after… those fights we had, I decided to drop out and get a place for my own, I thought maybe you would change your mind if you were afraid of losing me completely. But when I came to get my stuff, I couldn't find you and I drove to Louis' and Harry's and that's how I found out. About one week after you left." We weren't directly looking at each other, I couldn't, but when Niall made a pause to pull me down, I snuggled my head in between his shoulder and neck, inhaling his scent.

"Please carry on." Maybe this was self torture, but it was my own fault and Niall's arms around me at least kept me from falling apart at his words.

"I stayed the night at their house, Louis brought me your shirt that you left and it helped a little but not really. I slept in their bed that night, it was weird, because they're married and all and I got really jealous because they had each other and you were gone, but I stayed at their house for at least two months because I wasn't able to go back. 

"After their honeymoon and the thing with my arm, they got insanely protective, I was already starting to wonder when they would fill out adoption papers or something. It was horrible without you, but I pulled myself together for Harry and Louis, they were worried enough already and I felt like a burden. So I left and stayed at your flat from there on. Which wasn't a good idea because it got worse. The only time when… when I was strong enough not to cry the whole time was at work. But it basically was like that for quite a while, working, calling Louis and Harry to pretend I'm fine, crying. And then everything again. 

"Sometime I realized that you wouldn't want me to give up on myself like this and I had to force myself to go to the gym, but I felt better after that. I got this calendar, to make crosses until you come back home. I also thought about writing you e-mails, but I knew you wouldn't reply and that you were doing this for a reason, so I let it be. It's when I looked through all of our photos together, I decided I'd do anything I had to to make you fall in love with me again if necessary, so I tried to focus on getting my life back together, I mean, I still had some slips and shit, but I stopped smoking and I haven't been drinking in two months. Jellybeans helped, because suddenly I had something to take care of, you know, and as pathetic as it sounds, somebody to sleep in bed with me. The only really big mistake was back in June, you know, I just had a really bad day and I missed you terribly so I told Louis and Harry I couldn't come over for dinner because I was too tired already, they trusted me enough again at this point so they didn't ask. And that's when it happened, I just wanted to… to forget this for one night. And then it were two nights, but not in here, I promise, we went to his place, both times, the first time I've been slightly drunk, but after the second, I was so disgusted with myself, I almost cut myself, but I didn't because it were only three months left and I didn't want you to see.

"And now we're here and you have no idea how happy I am, because I've loved you for this long and you've been the most important person in my life for so many years now and you always came to save me from anything and you always fixed everything, I'm not letting you go now, never again." As he finished, I pressed my face tighter into his neck because I was crying, there was a great chance he noticed since the tears hit his bare neck, but he didn't comment it, just kissed the top of my head, holding me tightly until I was able to calm down.

"I made you wait for me for so long…I wasted so much time, I can't believe how stupid I have been, I love you so insanely much and I've known it for at least two years but I can only say this now and I'm sorry. I actually don't deserve any of this right now." Almost as soon as I lifted my head again, Niall had his fingers in my face to wipe my tears softly, I leaned into his touch, making him smile.

"You only deserve the best, Li. I don't care how much time you needed to realize this, what I care about is right now, I'd know something to make this moment even better." That cheeky grin confused me for a second, I was almost about to ask as he talked on. "Remember when you said you wanted to marry me?"

It obviously was a joke, because Niall giggled and I couldn't help but join for a second, kissing the tip of his nose before just getting up and leaving him behind with a confused face.

"Where do you think you are going?!" He sat up after I had gotten out of bed and I laughed about his angry voice, going through my suitcase to look for something.

"Stay on the bed, babe, I'll be right back." There was some grumbling behind me that just amused me even more, after I had found what I had been looking for, I went back to sit next to him again, he raised an eyebrow as I kept my hand formed in a fist, obviously waiting for an explanation. This would be good. "You know, I taught those kids in America, and they were really nice, the youngest were only like, seven years old. They were really sad when I left, and one girl asked me why I couldn't stay and I said I've got someone I needed to tell that I loved him. And then she gave me something under the condition that I would ask you something."

"Ask ME something?" Niall didn't understand, he had smiled at the sentence before though, but as I opened up my hand, his face just got even more confused. "That's a plastic ring, Liam, what…"

"Do you wanna marry me?" Yeah, there were better ways to do this, but I had promised, and since he had brought it up.

"You… you're kidding me, right?" Not the reaction you'd hope for, but I saw it in his face, that he was close to crying but at the same time thinking that I was just joking around, so I pecked his lips softly.

"I'll get you a proper one if you say yes." This was no joke, not even close, and I think Niall finally realized that because his mouth popped open, he looked from me to the ring and back a few times, speechless. "So… do you want to? I know that we're pretty young, but we don't have to get married right away. Besides, we've been living together for years basically and if we really want two kids then we better start planning now and flights to Las Vegas are pretty exp-"

"Shut up, you stupid idiot." His voice broke at the end, he knocked both of us over as he threw his arms around my neck, making me laugh once again with kissing me on the lips for at least twenty times, his tasted like salt, because of the tears, but it was fine, I liked such heavy reactions. "I'm not marrying you in a drive thru, we'll do it properly."

"Deal." It was a little hard to get his hand in mine since he was lying on my chest, I also had to put the ring on his pinky finger because it was for kids, but Niall said he didn't mind one bit, he looked at it for a while, as if it were real diamonds or something, then he turned to me with the brightest grin ever.

"I'd say the wait was worth it." Then he shut me up with his lips, pulling away as I let my hand wander under his shirt, to make sure that the lovebite on my neck that had stayed for two weeks would be there again tomorrow.

I let him, knowing I'd have to go back to school in a few days, but I didn't care, everything that was on my mind was that I'd get to wake up tomorrow, find him in my bed next to me and be able to kiss him until he woke up. And then the day after that would be the same. And the next, and the next and every other day to come, and I couldn't wait.


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise. After so many people wanting me to continue, I did, however this is going the be last part for sure so enjoy!

The strange weight on top of me nearly made me freeze in shock, but suddenly I felt soft kisses being pressed everywhere over my bare chest and then up to my cheek, Niall's scent was filling my nose as he leaned his forehead against mine, taking my hands to place them on his hips. "Good morning."

"Hey…" Our lips were pressed together before I even opened my eyes, Niall was sitting on top of me, not naked anymore which disappointed me a tiny bit, but I could still touch his bare upper body. 

It was really nice, we just kissed slowly and without any haste, we had all the time in the world, I would've never thought that it could be this easy, to just let myself enjoy it, just turn my brain off and think of nothing else but Niall, because hadn't I already done that for the past few years? He had always been my number one, we had gotten through so much already, but I was still so thankful and blown away by the fact that he had just forgiven me and taken me back as if it was nothing. As if I hadn't needed 9 fucking months to realize that I did need him like _this_. "I made breakfast."

"I love you." As Niall pulled away, he brushed our noses together, a smile spreading across his face as he saw that I was smiling too.

"I hope you also love me for other things than being able to make breakfast." He laughed, sitting back up and lacing our fingers together. It was insane how beautiful he looked right now, and how much more defined his muscles had gotten during the time I had been gone, he had looked really good before, but now, wow. I guess it also had something to do with the fact that I hadn't seen him for so long, I could've just stared at him for hours straight. 

"I do. For last night for example." When we had both been drunk it had been amazing sleeping with each other, but sober…nothing could top that, I hadn't thought I'd be able to fall for him even more, but I had.

"Yeah, last night was pretty alright I'd say." I had brought our intertwined hands, kissing the back of his but I dropped it now was he laughed after his joke. 

"Oh, really? Was it pretty alright, yeah?" Of course he didn't mean it, but I played along, pretending to be mad when all I really wanted was to pull him down again and never let go. 

"Hmmm, yes." He let go of my hands, still with that cheeky grin that I loved so much, leaning down so his breath brushed my ear as he kissed my cheek softly, whispering. "I love you too. And last night is the new best night of my life."

"That's better…" As I turned my head slightly his lips landed on top of mine, he had probably helped to make that happen because I felt him smiling into the kiss, immediately deepening it. 

I thought about not opening my mouth since I had just woken up but Niall's tongue was pretty forceful so I gave in with a sigh, feeling his hands on my side, going lower which reminded me that I was naked unlike him, but he wouldn't be able to do anything since he had his legs on either side of me. But I could, which made Niall bring just the tiniest bit of distance between our lips, I still felt them moving against mine as he talked, pretty breathless. "Liam, get your hands out of my pants."

"Why?" It nearly made me laugh, I had just slightly worked his clothes down and touched his ass because it was easy since he was leaning forward, but it had been enough to make him flinch a little.

"Because if you do anything we might forget about breakfast but I tried really hard." Aww, he almost sounded as if he was pouting because of me not acknowledging his afford enough, now I felt bad.

"You're right, love, sorry, should we go?" I put my hands on his hips now, rubbing a little and pressing another peck to his lips softly, still admiring his face right above mine, I couldn't understand what had gone through my mind, he was so grown up, nothing reminded of the little boy he used to be.

"But put something on please." Niall laughed loudly at my hurt face, he kissed my forehead before climbing off of me clumsily. "Don't look at me like that, you know how hot you are, but it's quite a distraction. Here." 

"Oh, alright." This was better, I caught my sweatpants that he threw over to me, we hadn't watched where our clothes had gone last night but the door handle seemed to be proof of how we hadn't been able to wait for the other to strip down.

As I pulled my pants up, Niall pretended not to watch when in reality there was a mirror in my room with a very good sight at me that he was looking at very obviously, even if he had his back towards me and pretended that he was innocent. "I should've painted your walls."

"Or bought a bigger mirror." He flinched slightly as I wrapped my arms around his stomach from behind, pressing a kiss to the back of his head. 

"You thought I watched you while getting dressed?! Liam! I would never do such a naughty thing!" His exaggerated voice made me laugh, I felt him trying to turn around so I loosened my arms a little, immediately having his around my neck, and a smirk right in front of my face. "I should be allowed to watch my fiancé naked."

That word caused tingles down my spine, I remember when Louis and Harry had been engaged, how funny it had been to think about it because it seemed that time had passed by so fast and now we were all grown up. And Niall was only 20 but he was still sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. "You are, babe. But you were the one who told me to put something on, we could also-"

"No, no, we can't, Li, come on now, this took me an hour." Instead of leaning in that little bit further, he pulled away on pure purpose, dragging me along by my hand, which didn't feel weird at first, but then I remembered that before when our fingers had been intertwined, I had also been missing something, just like now. 

"Speaking of fiancé, did you already take your ring off?" It wasn't a big deal, it was plastic after all and something might have happened last night, I couldn't remember it that clearly. 

"Yes, I did, you know, I just can't let people know that I'm taken, all my admirers would be heartbroken, Li, and I'd have to pay for my own drinks. What are they gonna think when I'm walking around with such an expensive piece of jewelry?" Of course he turned it into a joke, he was really good at this, not a second of hesitation and as I stopped him when we reached the kitchen, to look at his face, he kept it completely straight. 

"Seriously though, where did you put it, it's fine if-"

"Liam." Niall just sighed, maybe I had sounded a little too worried because he leaned up to kiss my cheek before continuing. "You know why they make plastic rings for children? Because children are the ones supposed to wear them. It was cutting off my blood circulation and I woke up at night feeling as if I had lost my finger. It's on the bedside table." 

"I'm sorry, Ni. Let me see." Actually I wasn't in a position at all to doubt him in any way, I was just scared I guess, of losing him again. 

At first I thought he wouldn't let me, but then he held his hand up, his pinky finger still had a print on, a light one though, but it was still noticeable. "It's fine now, I just stayed up for a bit until I didn't feel as if I would become an amputee anymore."

"Why didn't you wake me?" I held his wrist to press a kiss onto his finger, making Niall smile, he kept his hand in my face then, running his fingers through my hair thoughtfully.

"Because you looked pretty when you were asleep. And I like to creepily watch you and shamelessly touch you when you don't know about it." Then he just laughed at my face and I relaxed again, even if I wasn't really sure if this had just been a joke, I wondered if he really watched me when I was asleep, I know I had done it before with him, it's fascinating. "I'm starving, come on." 

Now I understood why he had urged me to eat breakfast, he had really tried hard and I saw it in his face too as he blushed when I told him that he was absolutely amazing, but it was just the truth, I couldn't believe that he was doing all of this for me, I was only back for one single day and we were already falling back into old routines so easily as if I had never been gone. Which didn't mean that I was trying to think about it as if it had been an alright thing to do, I knew that Niall was deeply wounded because of it and that right now we were just overwhelmed by all the new stuff, but my guilt would never leave me alone again.

"Alright, alright, you can thank me later, just sit down, okay? I'll be right back." I finally let go of him, stealing one last kiss while Niall giggled, slightly pushing me off of him to disappear into the living room, I really tried not to stare too long and sit down instead like he had told me. There was no way we could eat all of this for just breakfast, he was so damn cute for doing this.

"Hurry up, babe, what are you doing?" I wouldn't start without him, even if my stomach was growling as well now, all I got as an answer was a 'One second!', I doubted that it actually would be only one, but I smiled to myself nevertheless, it was so nice and comforting, to know he was just in the other room, it wouldn't have been the same if I had come back and he wouldn't have stayed at my flat, it wouldn't be home without Niall.

As he came back into the kitchen smiling proudly, I first of all thought he had just been looking for Jellybeans because he was holding her in his arms now, pressing a kiss to her head and making her meow before sitting her on the floor in front of the food bowl. That's when I had free sight at his chest again and I noticed what he had done. "That's a good solution, right?"

He had seriously just left to put a stupid plastic ring on a string and make it into a necklace, in all honesty, what had I done to deserve him? "It's perfect, Ni. You deserve a real one though, I was just joking before, if you don't wanna wear it, I'd understand, it's just plastic."

Niall seemed to like my reaction, he pressed a kiss to my temple while walking by, smiling happily. "But it's from you, I don't care if it's expensive or not and I also don't need a new one, the thought counts. And also, I get to marry you, I shouldn't really ask for anything more, should I?"

This made my heart stop for a second, he truly meant all of his words, he really did love me this much and as he sat down opposite of me, doing nothing special except for reaching for his glass, I felt like I wouldn't be able to take just that tiny distance for more than a minute. "You're actually perfect, Niall, you know that?"

Our eyes met as he looked up, surprised as it seemed, maybe because my voice had been so tight, but I couldn't help it, everything he said made me wanna cry and pull him back into my arms and thank him a million times for actually wanting to be with me. "I'm not, I just said how it is… are you crying?!"

"N-No, of course not, I … I just… let's finally have breakfast, okay?" I quickly wiped my eyes under Niall's stare and reached out for some toast, not expecting to be stopped by his fingers around my wrist.

"Hey… why are you so surprised about what I said? I really love you, Li, and I really wanna marry you, you know that, right?" His face was really soft now, I was at a loss of words, looking into his eyes didn't really help me with that.

"I… can you come here?" Shortly after I had finished, he was already up on his feet, walking around the table and sitting on my lap as I held my arms open for him. He still fit there perfectly, sure he was closer to my height now, but Niall was still the smaller and lighter one so it was alright and he still snuggled up against me as I put my arms around him, it was easier to talk like this, because I let my eyes fall shut as he leaned his forehead against mine, softly playing with the hair in the back of my neck. "You know I just… I'm just overwhelmed and I… I imagined all of this so often but it's real now and so much better than I would've ever thought, I can't believe that you really wanna marry _me_ … I just love you so damn much, Nialler, and I wish I wouldn't have wasted all this time, I know I can't change any of this now but I feel so damn lucky that you still want me after all this time and you actually are perfect, baby, I couldn't be happier, I just gotta actually convince myself that this is real because it seems like a dream." 

"I know… I imagined all of this a lot too, but Liam, you won't have to ever doubt that I want _you_ and no one else, okay? You're everything to me and when you seriously asked me to marry you yesterday, you made me the happiest guy alive. I don't care about wasted time, it hasn't been wasted because it has all led to this, right? And this is everything I've ever wanted, so maybe I had to wait a little but it's okay now, because I got you. So believe it, Li, this is real and it's perfect." His lips were pressed against mine unexpectedly as I had kept my eyes closed the whole time, but I gripped his hips tighter immediately, my stomach twisting from his words.

We kissed longer than expected, I let Niall have control, liking how he pulled himself even closer, completely messing up my hair with his fingers, slightly pulling on it too. Maybe we would've just kept on kissing if we hadn't run out of air, Niall actually had to take a deep breath after he pulled away which made both of his laugh, he was so pretty with pink cheeks like that, I ran my thumb over his blushed skin softly, feeling him lean into the touch for a moment before he just placed a kiss on my nose. 

"I'm not letting us skip breakfast while we're actually sitting in front of it, come on now." Before I could do anything else besides licking over my spit slicked lips that still tingled from his, Niall let moved one of his arms around my shoulders to reach the table, telling me to open up my mouth so he could feed me strawberries, I really wondered if he had bought them today, I hoped not because it wouldn't be fair if he got even more perfect than he already was.

"You know, I wouldn't mind if you feed me everything." Niall smirked at this but he rolled his eyes, placing a quick kiss on my lips.

"Or you could just use your own hands, babe." I liked when he called me that, he hadn't done it usually but now that he did, I loved it.

"But then I'd have to let go of you." He squirmed a little as I tightened my arms around his waist, pressing my lips against his cheek and kissing him until he started laughing quietly.

"Liii, this seriously took me forever." Immediately, I felt bad, he wasn't mad at me or anything, but he was right, I should maybe stop distracting him so much and stop whining about having to let go, even if I really didn't want to because I felt like I needed to make up for lost time. But whose fault was it anyway that we had time to make up for, right, only mine. 

I still kept Niall on my lap while we had breakfast, he seemed to really enjoy it, turning around at some point because it was hard to stay sideways while eating, which was fine, I could place kisses on the back of his neck and his shoulders even if he pretended to complain, secretly he liked it though, he leaned back against me too, slipping down a little so he could lean his head onto my shoulder. 

"Maybe it was too much." Probably, Niall was petting his tummy until I wrapped my arms around instead, carefully, because I was a little scared he might get sick now.

"Maybe." Well, there was still plenty left and none of us could eat anymore, so yeah, a little too much, but Niall just grunted at my laugh. "But thank you so much, Ni, I really appreciate it, you didn't have to do it."

"Well, I wanted to. Even if I probably gained about half of what I already weigh. Am I crushing you?" He was actually really light, and he could've stayed like this forever, I liked how his hair felt under my cheek as I leaned against it, and his skin against mine because none of us was wearing a shirt and also how he played with my fingers while we talked. 

"I can't feel my legs anymore but maybe that's normal." Of course it was just a joke, I even laughed and kissed the top of his head, but he suddenly started moving, nearly making me panic that he might've thought I had been serious.

"Well, maybe if I change my position a little it'll get better." Before I could stop him, he had already gotten up, it was cold without him pressing into me, he stretched a little and I stretched my arms out to hold his hips, wanting to tell him that he should come back, but it was unnecessary.

"What are you doing?" Niall actually went to straddle my lap, chuckling over my surprised face, this was so much better, seriously, I felt his breath against my lips as he wrapped both his arms around my neck, pulling himself impossibly closer while I automatically hugging him back. The lack of clothing between us made me realize that doing the dishes definitely moved down in my list of priorities.

"Is this better?" Somehow I was pretty sure that Niall was very well aware of what he was doing to me by brushing his lips over mine while whispering, not actually kissing me but rather moving his mouth to my cheek then. 

"Well, yeah, but…" But then I had no idea anymore what else to say because Niall placing kisses all over my face caused me to sigh slightly, I let my eyes fall closed, just enjoying him caressing my skin, pressing us together more tightly, so I could feel his chest moving against mine. 

"But what?" Niall chuckled softly against my cheek as I didn't give an answer, moving down to my jaw instead, to top it off he was parting his lips slightly too, I knew what this was going to turn into and I certainly was not complaining even if there already were a few spots all over my neck from last night, I knew because Niall had some as well. 

We didn't say anything anymore then, I couldn't because I was trying very hard to keep quiet and not to hurt Niall by how tightly I was holding on, and Niall's mouth was busy, he was being so soft, rubbing his nose behind my ear and giggling whenever a sound escaped me, especially when he started sucking on my neck slightly, letting me feel his tongue once a while, I could hardly control myself. 

Maybe this would've gone a lot further, if our comfortable silence hadn't been interrupted by Niall's phone starting to vibrate loudly on the table, I didn't know if he was just planning on ignoring it, but I cracked an eye open to catch a glimpse on the screen. "It's Louis. You should… probably pick up." 

"Ugh." Niall groaned against my neck, giving me a soft skin on the spot he had just been working before reaching down to grab his phone, just going back into the same position as before, with his arms around my neck, only now he was leaning his chin on my shoulder while I gently caressed his back a little. "Hi, I'm kinda busy….No, I'm not on the toilet, I wouldn't pick up if I was… That was one time and- fine, so what's the matter?…. No, we're, ummm, good, why?"

This made me nervous, I knew that this was gonna be about me and I was so bloody nervous about Harry and Louis finding out about Niall and me, sure they were still my friends but I couldn't blame them if they wanted to protect Niall now, I had messed up once and left them to fix him, they couldn't know that I'd rather die than ever hurt him again. As Niall leaned back, I let my hands slip down to his hips, trying to look into his eyes but he kept looking at my chest while biting his bottom lip, absently drawing patterns on my skin that caused me goose bumps. 

"Louis, we're fine, alright? We're not fighting, it's all good… Yeah, I'm fine… I'm not lying, I don't even sound different… well, fine then, if that's gonna make you feel better, let me ask…" Finally he looked up at me, looking pretty annoyed to be honest, at least it wasn't because of me, but I felt worried as hell now, maybe Niall noticed because he forced himself to smile at me, letting his forehead sink against mine. "Louis wants us to come over for dinner tonight."

"Okay." Shit. I hadn't been prepared for any of this, I hadn't even thought that Niall would forgive me or still love me, which was overwhelming, of course, but I had no idea how we would tell the others. I mean, it would be enough to say that we're together, but we were _engaged_.

Niall breathed in slowly, then he leaned back, placing a kiss on my lips and mouthing something what I thought was 'Sorry', I wanted to tell him that he had nothing to apologize for but he already had the phone back against his ear, his thumb rubbing circles in the back of my neck. "Alright, we'll come… why would I feel weird in a car with him, Louis, he's next to me alright, so stop… no, I'm not telling him you're sorry, I have to hang up now… yes, bye… yeah, I forgot about changing my phone, sorry… mhmm… no… I have to hang up… why do you need to know what I'm doing, you're not my dad… I know…. yah, love you too, bye." 

"Are you okay?" I asked because, wow, I hadn't known it would turn out to be like this, Niall put his phone back on the table, letting out a pretty annoyed sigh before dropping his forehead on my shoulder. 

"I don't know… Louis didn't mean to make you upset because of the car thing, you know. He's just worried, I don't even know if we should tell them." True, that was my biggest concern as well right now, I didn't even know anymore if I would leave their house as a whole piece afterwards.

As I kissed Niall's ear, rubbing his back softly, he sat up straight again, smiling a little even, but this time it didn't really cheer me up. "Which thing do you mean?"

Instead of an answer, Niall tapped the ring on his chest, I looked down for a moment before staring back into his eyes, hoping to find the answer there but all I thought was that I was fucking scared now, which was wrong because Harry and Louis were my best friends, but I would also deserve it if they hated me. "It'll be hard to hide that we're together though. It would even be hard to pretend that we're not as close as we used to be and I also don't know why we would do that actually."

"How much do they know?" Well, I didn't know if Niall had texted them or so, not that it was any of my business, all I knew was that I had no idea how to make them understand that I wouldn't hurt Niall again. 

"Nothing, you heard everything I told them. I think we should just… break it gently to them, not walk in holding hands or so, I don't know… I don't want them to have a go on you." Me neither, even if I sure as hell deserved it.

"Well, they're gonna say something, and I also expect them to because they're protecting you, they have every right to-"

"Hey, Liam, no. I don't wanna hear any of this, alright? We're just gonna go there and then tell them how it is, you never intended to hurt me and they have no reason to say anything to you, they should be happy for us, okay? And about the marrying thing, maybe we should wait a little, I mean, I'm 100% sure that I do wanna marry you and I hope you are as well, but I don't know what they're gonna think about us getting engaged after being together for five minutes." Literally, it had really only been 5 minutes, Niall laughed a little, but he was right, this might seem weird to everyone else.

"I'm 100% sure as well, but you're right, let's wait a little. Besides, they didn't tell us for a whole year." The slight difference was that they had been together for 8 fucking years, so… "But you know, umm… I mean, we've been living together for a long time as well and… we've been very close before, I mean, I think I know you better than I know myself… or at least used to, I mean-"

"Shh, you still do." He shut me up with a soft kiss, smiling sweetly for which I was really grateful because I was suddenly getting more nervous, this was all a bit too much, he probably noticed by the way my hands were digging into his hips to keep him closer, which was impossible because we were already pressed together with our breath mixing. "We're still the same, right? It's all good, Li, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, the only thing that matters is what you and I think. And right now I'm thinking that you should come take a shower with me and forget about everything that's not us."

"Niall." It surprised him a little as I let go of his hips, cupping his face instead so he'd keep looking right at me, a tad confused as I smirked. "You're wonderful."

"I-" Before he could say something, I pressed my lips against his, causing him to gasp into my mouth before I just sprinkled his whole face with kisses, even if he squirmed a little but then he started giggling while holding onto me and I felt the warmth spreading in my stomach from this. He was completely right, nothing else mattered to me besides what he thought about me and it was my goal to do everything so he wouldn't change his mind. 

"Let's take a shower, come on." Niall's face was glowing now after all my kisses, but he got off of my lap immediately, smiling so wide that I wondered if it hurt his cheeks, obviously not, he just held his hand towards me, which I didn't take though, getting to my feet by myself. "I got a better idea."

"Like wha-" His sentence ended in a squeal because I just lifted him up in my arms, positively surprised to find out that he was still really easy to hold, this was good, I planned on doing it more often and also, it wouldn't have exactly come off nice to drop him. "Am I still not too heavy? Damn, I thought going to the gym helped."

"I know that you like to be carried, Ni, don't deny it." His arms already around my neck were proof of that, I couldn't resist so I leaned down to kiss his forehead, receiving a smile. "You're always gonna stay smaller and lighter than me, I like that." 

"Well, now that you put a ring on my finger I won't have to watch my figure anymore so I'd be careful talking about how light I am. So don't put your money on me staying light because you'll need it to pay for the scales that I'll be breaking." This made me laugh, I felt Niall's eyes on me as I walked over to the bathroom, he seemed quite happy that he had made me laugh, this was so cute, just like it used to be when we were younger. "I bet I could carry you too." 

"I bet there's better ways to break your back." Well, maybe he could carry me, but I didn't feel very confident about trying it, I was really used to Niall being the smaller one that sat on my lap and jumped on my back, it was weird thinking that maybe the other way around would work as well.

"I'm not that weak, we'll try that some time. Some time when you won't expect it, but now…" Almost as soon as I had put him down carefully, he had already locked our lips again, laughing into my mouth as I took a step out of surprise, but he went with me, hands rubbing up and down my back while I had mine in his face, knowing what he was about to do as he played with the waistband of my pants, I had no intend on stopping him, maybe I quite enjoyed how innocently he worked them lower all while still kissing me back hard. 

The really nice things were that one, we were both only wearing pants that were down in one swift movement and two, we didn't even have to close the door. Niall seemed to be very well aware of those facts as well, he didn't even break the kiss to get rid of our clothes, I would've pulled his sweatpants down but I just touched his bare skin, realizing that he had already done it himself.

I did open my eyes though, because otherwise Niall would've fallen backwards into the shower from how desperate he was kissing me now that our clothes were on the floor, there was still no distance between our bodies so I got where the excitement came from, but I still grabbed his hips tightly to prevent him from falling, leaning back just enough to be able to speak. "Careful, babe, we got time."

All that came out of Niall's mouth was a whine, he didn't even bother looking or waiting whether I had something else to say, just using the chance that my mouth was open to lick inside again, but at least he tightened his arms around my neck, which probably wasn't for safety reasons, but it helped.

It took me forever to close the shower, blind and with only one arm while Niall wasn't helping at all, he was just trying to obviously snog the life out of me and slightly thrusting his hips against mine, making everything harder. Literally. 

"AH, IT'S COLD, LI!" Me accidentally hitting the water tap interrupted our very heated make out session a little bit, Niall had been standing right under the shower head, he got drenched even though he jumped away immediately, wrapping his arms around my waist tightly so he could press himself into the corner with me where no water would reach him.

"Sorry, Nialler. Maybe we should take it a little slower, okay? In the end one of us will slip." There was some grumbling as an answer that made me smile, I tried to make the water a normal temperature while Niall just snuggled into my side, I could still hear how fast his breathing was going though, just like mine, my lips felt slightly swollen too and I actually loved it. "It's fine now, come on." 

He let me pull him under water, it was quite funny to see his hair go flat just like this, maybe I would've pointed it out if he hadn't been pretending to be pouting because of me nearly making him freeze to death, I really tried making up for it by kissing the tip of his nose before attempting to turn him around. "What are you doing?"

"Just trust me." So he did, confused for a little while I took my shampoo that I had been using last night as well, pouring a small amount into my hand. "Close your eyes."

"Okay." Niall could probably guess what I was about to do because he leaned back against me even before I started washing his hair, humming approvingly as I started to massage his scalp, trying my hardest to make this feel good for him. Obviously I succeeded at that. "Can you keep doing this forever?"

"Are you sure that's everything you want me to do?" I made sure there was no shampoo left in his hair before moving my hands down to his shoulders instead, it was really easy because the water made everything slippery and I might have felt Niall shuddering a little as I rubbed my thumbs up and down the back of his neck, everything softly, I didn't trust my massage skills that much and I didn't wanna hurt him accidentally. "Good?"

"Hmm, yeah, perfect." For a while, I just kept working his shoulders, but Niall already sighed at that softly and I was reminded of what we had been doing before so I moved one hand, stroking up and down his arm a little before rubbing his side, experimentally giving him open mouth kisses down his cheek. "L-Liam…"

"Yes?" Niall pressed back against me, a shiver went through his body as I stopped my hand movement on his hip bone. 

"Keep going… please…" I knew what he wanted, his voice was just a broken whisper as he suddenly reached behind to cup the back of my neck while I was still kissing up and down his cheek lightly, moving my hand up his stomach and his chest now, enjoying how I was allowed to touch him all I wanted, his skin was so soft and unblemished, I couldn't believe that I was the only one having access to all of this, he was the most gorgeous person alive and he only deserved me trying my hardest.

There was a low moan escaping him as I brushed his nipples with my hand, wrapping my free arm tightly around his stomach now and kissing his shoulder while Niall still kept my head close to his, his chest was moving too fast, it was amazing what I could cause with so few touches.

When I got tired of all the teasing, also because Niall's little whines were getting pretty desperate, I started stroking his thigh lightly, nearly having his knees give in when I touched so close to where he wanted me to, but luckily I was holding him, my lips against his ear. "I got you, Ni."

"T-Touch me, please, Liam." To show me that he really wanted it, he pressed his bum back against me, nearly making me gasp at the feeling, this whole procedure hadn't left me cold either, but Niall was moaning so much by now that I was scared he'd cum untouched any second, so I wrapped my hand around his erection now while sucking on his earlobe softly, making his knees nearly buckle in again. "Oh god, please, Li, please."

Without saying anything, I started jerking him off, at a slow pace at first because it was enough to make Niall moan obscenely loud, his fingernails were now digging into my arm that was still around his stomach, keeping him from thrusting up too fast into my fist. "Faster?"

"Y-Yeah…so good, Li, aaah…" Truth be told, I still didn't know whether I was actually doing this right, I had only jerked him off twice before, but both times he had already been so overstimulated that probably any touch would've made him cum, so I could just hope that the noises he was making meant that I was doing it right. "O-Oh god… I love you s-so much, Liam… please go faster, p-please, ugh…"

"I love you too, baby boy." That nickname just slipped out but it made Niall press back harder against me, I was glad for the water working as lube as I did him that favor and worked my hand over his shaft faster, making sure to get the whole length every time under Niall's constant "Ah, ah"'s.

"Don't stop, I'm so close, I… I'm gonna…so good…" Just when I felt that Niall was about to release, I slowed down again a bit, making him groan loudly and turn his head to bury his face in my neck as I only stroked him slightly now, pulling the skin back to play around with the head, just trying out stuff because I was still unexperienced, but Niall moaned intensely at everything I did by now. "Liam, please, I need to cum, please."

It sounded as if he was in pain by now, I didn't want him to be uncomfortable so I quickened up the pace again, feeling his hot breath against my neck and another moan before he came all over my hand, the water washing everything away immediately, but Niall jerked as I stroked him through it, waiting for him to come down again with a few sighs, still with his head on my shoulder. "Was it okay?"

"You're such an idiot, Liam, what do you think?" Niall felt kinda limp in my arms as I wrapped them around him to keep him steady, my mouth curling into a smile as I placed kisses into his wet hair, proud that I was able to get such sounds out of him. 

"Well, I'm hoping for a yes." His lips brushed my skin every time he talked, I slightly felt a few goose bumps despite the warm water, but it was no wonder actually, Niall's hands were the ones exploring my body now, he didn't really do anything though, which nearly made me beg, but I stayed quiet.

"It is a yes, thank you." Before I got to ask why he was thanking me for something like that, he had lifted his head already to lock our lips together, pushing my mouth open with his tongue while one of his hands came up to play with my hair, the other however disappeared between our bodies.

"Ah, Ni…" My mouth slipped from his as he just wrapped his hand around my hard-on, not really moving though, but there was a smirk on his face as I let my eyes flatter open, gripping him a little tighter while he stroked the skin behind my ear.

"I'll blow you, okay?" Actually, it wasn't really a question, because before I really got to say anything, he got his hands on my chest, kissing my lips once more before going deeper and I had really nothing to do besides leaning my head back against the shower wall, biting my bottom lip as Niall sucked my right nipple into his mouth, rolling the other one between his fingers. He was so good at all this stuff, it was actually a miracle that I was still alive after last night, and here he was doing it all over again. 

Without really planning on it, I tangled my fingers into his hair, allowing myself to let out a moan that caused Niall to grin as his fingers and mouth changed position before he continued to kiss and lick down my chest, rubbing his hands over my stomach softly.

"You're so beautiful, Li." My eyes were closed so I wasn't really sure what he was looking at but since he kissed my bully button next, I assume it had been my tummy. Maybe I would've answered to this, if I hadn't felt his palms on my thighs then and heard him getting onto his knees which only made me grip his hair tighter, if I hurt him then he never said a word about it. "Relax, babe."

Easier said than done, I felt his breath on my length while he talked and the next second I felt as if my head would explode from his lips on the tip and one hand around the base, he had done this before but it was still mind blowing, because it was _Niall_ and I loved this boy so much. "Shit…"

The problem was, Niall also knew how to tease, maybe this was payback for before but he just kitten licked around a bit before getting his mouth off again and only stroking me slowly. Not gonna lie, I could've also cum just from this, but I was trying hard to hold back, only letting a few moans and sighs containing his name escape, it was just _so good_. By now I had also realized that I would rip his hair out if I held on tighter, so even if I could hardly concentrate and despite my hand shaking, I ran my fingers through his wet hair instead of holding on, hoping he'd do something soon.

"Niall… can you…" I had no idea how the sentence should've ended honestly, but Niall pressed his free palm against one of my thighs, to keep me back I suppose.

"Of course." And with that he just took me into his mouth, the wetness and hotness nearly made me forget about not wanting to choke him, I was thankful for his hand holding me back now though, because I was already half ripping his hair out again. 

"Ah, Ni… Babe, you're s-so… good… just like that, y-yeah…" Due to the fact that my eyes were closed, it was almost like being inside of him for real, because he was working the rest that he couldn't take with his hand in time to bobbing his head. "I love you-ah, so much, Ni… so much… " 

Niall allowed me to rock my hips slightly, I really didn't want to make him gag, but as I risked a look down to check on him, he was doing well, and I nearly came at the sight of him sucking me off and the fact that he made some sound in his throat that massaged the tip of my erection.

"You look so h-hot right now… Ni… I'm gonna…" My head was against the shower tiles against, eyes closed as I warned him, no idea if he really wanted to swallow but it was too late a few seconds later as he just fastened up instead of letting go, making me moan even louder than he had before while cumming into his mouth. "Niall… oh god…"

He really worked me through it, my heart was beating so fast I was scared it would jump out or something, I didn't dare opening my eyes even as I slowly calmed down again, breathing hard now as I felt some arms wrapping around my waist and a head snuggling against my shoulder that I pet automatically, my other arm curling around Niall's waist. "Good?"

"Perfect." More than that, I was just not able to bring anything more out because I was running out of breath, all I was able to do was cling to Niall, pressing my face into his wet hair and enjoying his equally tight arms around me, sometimes feeling his hot breath on my skin whenever he softly kissed my shoulder or nuzzled his nose against my neck. It was all slow and gentle now, we got back under the water after a bit because it got cold and we could need a shower for real now, sharing a few sweet kisses and 'I love you's that made my heart jump despite the fact that I had just managed to calm down again. Niall's body against mine helped a lot with that, his presence was so relaxing in general, I loved the feeling of his hands and lips against my skin, how my nose filled with his scent whenever we were this close and his lovely, crooked smiles, being with him was just being home.

 

————

 

We didn't do much that day, after staying in the shower for way too long, Niall hardly let me put a towel around him before he already snuggled into me again, shivering now because of the coldness. He looked so young with flat, dripping hair and wrapped up like this, so I immediately jumped into protective mode, however I also got not much complainant as I carried him to the bedroom like a baby.

After that, we put some clothes on, Niall got Jellybeans in our bed and we stayed there the whole day buried under the blanket to cuddle and just talk. It was so nice to have Niall's legs tangled up with mine, kiss him whenever I wanted to and stroke his skin gently, knowing that he loved me back just as much. This was probably the best part of it all, we just knew how much we meant to each other and despite the fact that I had messed up, I could see it in Niall's eyes when I caught him staring at me lovingly or when he snuggled up into my side happily, he trusted me, he really did and I had no idea how he managed to do it.

The laziness of the day quickly disappeared when we had to get ready sooner than I would've liked, Niall didn't seem very excited about paying Louis and Harry a visit either, it seemed to have other reasons though, luckily for him because I was scared for my life as we walked up to their front door after Niall had just typed the code in without even having to look anymore. "Your hand is really sweaty, Li."

"Sorry." Well, I felt sweaty in general, actually I was wondering why I was even risking my life here intertwining my fingers with his, so I tried to pull away, my stomach twisted worse with every step.

"That doesn't mean you have to pull it away, we're not there yet." But almost!

"They could look through a window or-"

"Jesus, Liam. We're grown ups, we can hold hands for as long as we want to, this is not you meeting my parents for the first time, okay?" Maybe he was trying to proof a point here as he just stopped us, pressing his lips on mine so unexpectedly, I nearly pushed him back out of fear. "See? No one's been trying to shoot you yet."

"Maybe they're waiting for the right moment." I hardly managed to look into Niall's face, constantly checking whether the door had opened without us noticing. 

"It's gonna be fine, just relax. And Liam?" Now I did finally look into his eyes, trying to enjoy him rubbing his thumb along mine softly, maybe to calm me down, his face was all soft now, with a small smile playing around his lips. "I love you."

"I love you too, but I-"

"I won't accept a but after this, so come on now, let's do this before you shit yourself." He laughed at his own joke while I only listened with one ear, not even getting remotely mad, how could I while feeling a heart attack nearing.

Niall had no shy at all to ring the doorbell three times in a row, still squeezing my hand, as if he had forgotten about our plan, if you could even call it that because I was pretty sure now it had been the dumbest idea ever as I heard someone fumbling with the keys on the other side while Niall's fingers were still intertwined with mine, I nearly pressed my eyes shut so I wouldn't have to see the other guys' reaction to that, but surprisingly enough, Niall let go of me in the very last second. "This wouldn't have happened if you gave me a spare key."

"We offered you that three times but you never took it." Amazing how looking at Louis made me feel as if not a day had passed, my knees didn't think so though because they felt like jelly when his eyes landed on me as Niall hugged him quickly, I shouldn't have been fucking frozen like this because he was actually smiling at me, not hesitating for one second to pull me into a hug as well as soon as Niall had let go. "It's good to have you back, Li. We missed you." 

"I missed you guys too." My voice sounded a little weird as I wrapped my arms around Louis automatically, I hadn't thought that it was possible, but I got even more nervous now, even if watching Harry cupping Niall's face to make sure he was alright nearly made me smile.

"Are you okay?" This could really mean everything, I nearly held on just so I could try and get my facial expression under control, I was so bad at keeping stuff in and even worse at pretending to be comfortable when I felt about a hundred things that needed to be said right now.

But I simply nodded, not trusting my voice enough and faking a smile at Louis, he didn't seem too convinced, giving me a look that I didn't really know how to take, but then he squeezed my shoulder, turning around to where Harry was scolding Niall for not coming over since his birthday. "Haz, let him breathe, he's fine."

Harry just ignored Louis' comment though, ruffling Niall's hair as if he was a little boy, it did make him complain but the rest of us laughed, I tried to stay unnoticed though, I finally knew what Niall meant about the other two acting like his parents. "It still were seven days, Ni. Things could've happened."

Yeah, things, ha ha, it didn't exactly help that Niall looked over at me for just the tiniest second before shrugging, but it seemed to be too late. "Well, they didn't. And you texted me every day as well, so."

When I met Harry's eyes, I nearly gave up on pretending, about to just blindly confess everything right here and now, the way he looked at me made me feel as if it was just written right across my face. Though he smiled, I felt like an open book to him, which really made me wonder if Niall was feeling the same, we were trying hard no to look at each other, but I really wanted to have him close again, his presence was the only thing that would've been able to calm me down now. "You haven't changed in about five years, Liam, seriously, I would've thought with 25 you'd at least look a little bit different."

I wanted to say that I was thinking the exact same thing about him, but comparing everything to how it had been nine months ago, Niall was the only one who had changed appearance wise, he might have gotten musclier, but he had also gotten skinnier. I had noticed this before as well, while carrying him around and being all over him, but I wasn't planning on bringing it up because I got pretty good ideas about where this was coming from. "Sorry to disappoint you, maybe when I'm 26?"

Harry laughed slightly before quickly coming over to me to wrap his arms around me, I closed my eyes because his hug was really affectionate, and also because I didn't wanna accidentally meet Niall's eyes again while Louis was watching, it would only make me blush. "There was something missing without you."

His voice was really low which surprised me but it also caused my throat to feel a little tighter, Niall and Louis were talking about something behind us, maybe that was why I blurted out the next words, nearly inaudible, the other reason was probably Harry rubbing my back and making me feel a little more comfortable being here. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, you're back." I felt that he nearly continued, whispering as well since the other two could obviously not hear us and shortly before we pulled apart before it would come off as weird, Harry brought his lips a little closer to my ear. "Are you guys okay?"

"Yeah, we really are." Better than okay, but I would leave it at that now, he was just checking on Niall and that was what he was supposed to do, even if Niall himself complained, I was so glad that he got babied to such an extend, he needed it sometimes.

"Okay." There was another smile before Harry turned away from me again, grabbing Louis' hand while walking by. "We should go eat before it gets cold or Niall's gonna moan about it the whole night long."

"I had a good right to complain about my birthday dinner being half frozen." Niall was so cute when he pouted, he also batted Harry's hand away as he tried to pinch his cheeks, waiting for them to walk past into the kitchen before allowing himself to smile at me, god, it was so hard not being allowed to touch him, I swear.

We didn't say anything out of fear, but since we were around the corner, I quickly walked up to Niall, nearly making him giggle too loudly as I pressed my lips to his temple briefly, putting my hand on the small of his back to slightly make him walk with me, however Niall had other plans, before I knew it, he had grabbed my hips softly and pressed his mouth on top of mine, nearly making me gasp. He was fucking insane and all I knew was that I freaking loved it, even if I nearly panicked, but somehow I managed to smile back just as brightly as he did after pulling away again, rubbing his nose against mine softly.

There was just a breath, impossible to be heard by anyone but me. "I love you."

"Love you too." I tried to be just as quiet, which probably didn't work, but whatever, I was feeling way better now that Niall liked the idea of me just keeping my arm around his shoulders as well, I mean, we had done stuff like this before, right? And I had told Harry we were fine, so they shouldn't be too surprised, maybe Niall's arm around my waist pressed him a little too much into me, but it was too late as we entered the kitchen, I tried to at least breathe normally, hoping my cheeks weren't too blushed from the kiss.

Since Louis was busy with the food, he didn't even see us, but Harry did, actually, he nearly bumped into us, eyes going wide immediately which made Niall tense up next to me, slowly slipping out of my grip. "I'll get glasses."

"Yeah, I… I can help too?" It turned into a question, because my hands were getting sweaty again from Harry trying to hide his smile now, was it possible that he was able to tell that we had snogged before in the car?

"Just sit down, we're almost done anyway." Exactly what I had been trying to avoid, I didn't just wanna sit around and watch everyone do something, it just made me feel even less as if I should be here now, all the three of them had been through so much together the past few months, everything caused by me, this was slightly uncomfortable. 

I still did what Harry said, watching Niall's back as he walked across the kitchen to get some glasses, moving around as if it was his own place while Harry pretended to be looking for something in a drawer while all he really did was looking from Niall and back to me. Guess holding each other hadn't been that much of a good idea after all, I had just wanted it to come along natural, but if only this caused such surprised reactions, what would they say if we ever told them why Niall was wearing this necklace around his neck? He had hidden it under his shirt for now to not attract more attention than necessary, but they would find out one day, we'd have to ask them to be our best men after all.

For some very weird reason Harry didn't sit down, he waited for Niall to choose his seat first and as he took the one right next to me without hesitation, I suddenly knew the reason. "Liam, look!"

Niall saying my name with such an excited voice nearly made me jump, it was so fucking hard not to meet Harry's eyes right now, I almost brushed Niall's shoulder as I leaned over to look at what he was trying to show me. "What, ba-… what's up?"

Oh god shit, not only did I nearly call him babe, but everyone else probably heard it as well, Niall flinched slightly but still held his phone towards me so I could look at the screen. It was a text message, I had no idea who it was from because I didn't recognize the name but I quickly got that it was his boss at the studio or something, because it said that Niall only had to work halftime tomorrow and it seemed that that got him really happy. "I'm so glad, I won't have to get up until eleven."

"When do you have off?" Right, I didn't even know his working hours, I still needed to ask him about that, it was really essential for me to know this by heart, he had always known mine as well.

"Five tomorrow, it's my long day, but usually it's like three. But it depends, you know." There was a smile on his face that simply made made forget that we weren't alone, the others weren't even talking or anything but Niall was just so amazing and wonderful, it was so hard not being able to show him any affection, I just wanted to hold his hand, give him kisses whenever I felt like it, so looking into his eyes now and seeing the crinkles and his dimples, I just didn't think about anything anymore besides Niall.

"You wanna go out to eat afterwards?" It just slipped out of my mouth before I even knew what I was doing, however it also didn't even make a scratch into Niall's bright mood, maybe he even smiled wider.

"Sure." For a moment, it was all fine, all I thought was that my idea had been really good because he really deserved me taking him out, I mean, most people proposed while having something really great planned and stuff, so I got a lot to make up for, I had literally given him a plastic ring instead of a real one.

"Alright, umm… " When Louis cleared his throat, I could feel the blood streaming into my cheeks, quickly looking down as I realized that he and Harry had just heard all of is this, this shouldn't have been so embarrassing, but I felt like I needed their permission to be with Niall, which was stupid, but I couldn't help it.

Niall on the other hand was happier than ever, he didn't even mind our hands brushing as we both reached out at the same time, it also shouldn't have given me an electric shock or something, but I was so aware of Harry and Louis' eyes on me that I didn't dare looking up. "You could've told us to come earlier then I could've helped making the pizza."

"Sorry, Nialler, I forgot asking you, next time, okay?" Since Niall was the only person I dared looking at anymore, he seemed a little disappointed that he hadn't been allowed to help, it was so damn cute, I felt myself smiling stupidly, this was just like when he had been a child. "So… what have you guys been doing today?"

There it was, they were getting suspicious, why would they not though, I still didn't know how to even begin explaining, I had hoped Niall would know how to start something like this, he was so good at speaking, I didn't really have to think of the right words when he already had his mouth open as I pretended that I was really thirsty. "Nothing really, we unpacked Liam's stuff and played with Jellybeans. And we also cleaned the kitchen. Well, Liam did."

Funny, this was exactly what we had not been doing, even if we had tried to unpack my stuff for five minutes, I had gotten distracted as Niall wrapped his arms around me, attacking my neck with kisses so we ended up in bed again. About the kitchen, I did clean up, telling Niall he didn't need to help since he had already had so much work, but he kept me entertained with sitting on the counter and sometimes wrapping his legs around me whenever I walked by so I couldn't move anymore. All of those things had only taken up maybe one and a half hours, so the most important thing, which had been breakfast, the shower and cuddling in bed for like, seven hours, stayed our secret. 

Of course, hearing Niall talk about this so carefree and maybe the fact that he had never said 'I' but only 'we' somehow had the same effect as if we would've said 'we had sex last night and here are your wedding invitations.'. Harry was smiling really big about this, I had dared looking up now, regretting it as his eyes landed on me while Louis still seemed a little uncertain. I wish I could've held Niall's hand through all of this. "So… you guys are… alright?"

"Of course." Niall was so good at this, I literally had not said a word in forever, I didn't feel capable of without bursting out with everything and telling them how thankful and sorry I was but luckily Niall had such a talent in distracting people. "Oh, did you know how much stuff Liam bought me for my birthday, he's insane!"

"Well, we bought you a phone that you have never used so far." Harry sounded a little hurt, it was probably just a joke though, at least Louis leaned back now because I had a feeling he knew that something was going on, they both did.

"I'm sorry, I didn't have the chance to and I kinda forgot. I'm just so used to mine, you know." It made my stomach drop because I knew he was just lying, shoving more food into his mouth like he always did, since I didn't expect it, I nearly spit my coke out into Louis' face when Niall's hand came to a rest on my thigh, rubbing circles with his thumb into the fabric which made my stomach erupt in butterflies. Gosh, he was so sweet, he was trying to calm me down while I did nothing to help him here.

"Talking about birthdays, happy late birthday, Li." They had already congratulated me via email so I was a little shocked, feeling like Louis only brought it up so I would contribute to the conversation again, Niall's hand was just very distracting.

"Thanks, I nearly forgot about it actually." Well, my mother had reminded me angrily, and Harry and Louis as well later on, somehow even this made me blush, my nervous chuckle didn't safe me and I felt Niall's worried stare, dropping my hand from the table to put it over his, showing him that I was fine. He intertwined our fingers instead, not letting me go anymore. Now we were fucked if someone noticed.

"I feel so bad for not getting you anything…" Harry mumbled suddenly, I wish he wouldn't have because I had actually written them that the only thing I wanted was for them to make sure Niall was alright and that I wouldn't accept anything else because they had already done enough. But talking about this in front of Niall didn't seem like such a great idea to me, it was already becoming obvious that I hardly ate and that Niall never lifted his left arm, but of course I blushed even worse.

"It's fine you… you didn't have to, I wouldn't want you to anyway." Besides that, they had also not allowed me and Niall to get them a wedding present, actually no one had been allowed to, it wasn't because they thought they were so rich that they could just buy it themselves, it was just them, same with the paying for everything.

"Still, I feel like an ass now." There was nothing good to come out of it, I just felt it and Niall muttering something next to me while squeezing my hand made everything worse.

"Me too…" I couldn't let them feel bad about this, all the three of them looked guilty now, for not getting ME a present, this couldn't be happening, I needed to say something, anything, which I couldn't do while looking at anything but my plate, Niall's soft hand in mine was the only thing giving me strength to even open my mouth.

"Guys… you already did more for me than I deserved and… I should be the one to feel bad, I do. And Niall… you're the last person on earth who should get me anything." There, I said it.

For a moment, it was really quiet, like, I almost looked up to check their faces, my heart was bumping quite fast now, I hadn't wanted to be the one to start with what all of us were actually thinking about, but it seemed fair that I had to be the one, it was my fault after all.

As Niall pulled his hand back, I thought he was mad at me now for saying this, but before I fully turned my head to look at him, he was on the edge of his chair, wrapping his arms around me unexpectedly and nearly causing me to fall before I quickly held him, shutting my eyes so I wouldn't have to see anyone's reaction to this. "Liam, I could get you anything if I wanted to and force you to take it because you would deserve it. Stop talking so bad about yourself, you didn't go for fun, we talked about this, it's all good now and no one's judging you or anything, you were doing what you thought was right. And all that matters now is that you're back and alright." Could this boy get any cuter? He was making me tear up already as I held onto him tighter, I moved more sideways as well so it was easier to hug him, feeling his head on my shoulder and his fingers twisting into my hair softly, making me want nothing more than pulling him over into my lap like this morning.

"I'm still sorry…" I would always feel sorry, no matter how many times we talked about it or how often Niall told me that he had completely forgiven me, I'd never forgive myself.

"Don't be." He made a pause, pressing a kiss to the side of my head which the others probably couldn't see. But they could hear him pretty damn well. "I love you."

For a moment, I thought I heard someone gasp, but then I calmed down, what did it matter, everyone could know how much Niall meant to me, it was fine if I just said it, this whole hiding game wouldn't work for much longer anyway, I was still scared about what Harry and Louis would say, but at least I had Niall in my arms now. "I love you too, babe."

We stayed like this for a while, it was a little uncomfortable because of how we were sitting, but it was better than being nervous while being all by myself and Niall smelled really good, his touches were calming like nothing else and I adored him for showing the others that he had forgiven me and taken me back, not even the tiniest bit of hesitation or guilt. 

To top it all off, Niall just pecked my lips as he pulled away, smiling slightly as my breath hitched, I hadn't thought he'd actually go this far but as I looked into his eyes afterwards and felt his thumb brushing along my cheekbone, I was suddenly more than fine with it. 

"I'd say you have some explaining to do." This didn't sound mad at all, I left my arm around Niall's shoulder as I carefully dared to look over at Harry and Louis, both of them were trying to hide a smile.

"Why didn't you tell me, Ni?!" Harry almost sounded hurt, but then again I could tell he was too happy as to really let this affect him, thank god, I had thought they'd rip my head off, I couldn't understand why they were so calm though, I wouldn't be if our places were switched. 

Niall just chuckled, he actually moved his chair closer to mine so he could lean his head against my shoulder, all relaxed now that they knew. "When should I have told you, we were kinda busy."

"Niall! You better not be talking about what I think." Oh god, this was too funny as to be embarrassed about Niall dropping hints about our sex life, but five years ago it had been Louis and Harry talking about theirs as if it was about the weather, they were so mature now, I felt as if I was Niall's age instead of theirs.

"I didn't even say anything, you're too dirty minded, Haz." Their bantering was just for fun, even if I was still amused about Harry scolding Niall, it was cute because he cared so much about him and he and Louis really did baby him, it wouldn't have surprised me if someone told me that they had let him sleep in their bed.

"Not on the table, young man." Niall's laugh after this made all of us smile immediately, it made me go all soft inside to have his body shaking against mine from laughter, still not lifting his head or moving away the tiniest inch, no, he actually grabbed hold of my hand on his shoulder, keeping my arm in place. 

"You better listen, Niall, or he's gonna ground you. With my full approval." The way Louis looked at our intertwined hands took my last worries away, he leaned back, half smiling at us and pulling Harry closer to him. "You really are together, right? I don't want my hopes to be crushed."

Just this one time I answered faster than Niall did, just because, hell yes, we really were together. "They won't be, we really are."

"Really, really." Niall confirmed while giggling again, this was the cutest thing on earth, he was so damn happy about all of this, it was impossible not to be put into a perfect mood all of a sudden, especially when he nuzzled his face into the crook of my shoulder, wanting to be closer so I tightened my arm in return, kissing the top of his head. It destroyed his hair a little bit, but Niall probably couldn't have cared less, he seemed to be perfectly fine if he could just cuddle into me. Which was good because I felt exactly the same, I had gotten the most perfect guy in the world so what more could I have asked for?

"Aww, oh my god, I'm so happy for you guys, you're so cute. Not as cute as me and Louis but you're as close as it's gonna get." Having both their approval really was a huge deal for me, I had thought they'd have at least something against it, but both of them were smiling now and Niall was more than excited about all of this, he was so affectionate now, like a little puppy curling into my side, wanting nothing besides my attention. He stretched a little so he could reach my cheek with his lips before snuggling his head back down, letting go of my hand to wrap his arm around my stomach instead, I liked to think it was so he could be even closer.

"We're way cuter than you guys are, be quiet." Thinking about how long Niall had wished for a moment like this one was insane, it seemed pretty impossible to imagine someone being in love with me, but for seven years and while watching our best friends being more than happy made me hold him tighter, absently drawing patterns on his arm.

"We're mostly cute because of you, Ni." Only because of him to be exact, I didn't get a real answer, but he suddenly leaned against my stomach to kiss my lips, I think I had seen him smiling really big before, but now I was a little distracted by him being about to deepen the kiss, I wouldn't have rejected him, but he pulled away as soon as Louis faked a cough, glaring at him.

"It's not like you two have never had a snog in front of me." This just made them laugh, I mean, I fully understood Niall here, we had seen them making out so often it wasn't even funny, Niall had also walked in on them doing it, I would never forget that terrifying phone call.

"You can snog Liam whenever you want, I was just wondering if I can talk to him before?" Oh.

Niall didn't seem really bothered by this though, I still had my arm around him so he just leaned back against me, obviously not planning on leaving, "Be quick then, I've got plans."

"I actually meant alone." That's what I had thought, I was actually glad about this, I couldn't fully thank him in front of Niall, he'd interrupt me the whole time telling me that he hadn't even been that bad and that I should stop saying things like that, don't get me wrong, I really appreciated that, but he was making things out better than they had actually been.

"Why?" Of course he complained, Harry opened his mouth to say something but he closed it again as Niall turned to me, for support I assume, now I felt bad.

"It's okay, Ni." The kiss on his forehead didn't help, now he just seemed to be annoyed, I brought my hand up to cup his face, stroking his cheek softly but he just sighed deeply.

"Fine then." For a second I was scared he was mad at me but he actually leaned into my touch for a bit before turning his head to press his lips into my palm, I tried to smile at him, hoping that he wouldn't be too pissed off.

"I'll show you the TV in the basement meanwhile, it's really cool, we only put it up two days ago." They were always so nice and careful with Niall, Harry got up first, trying to coax him into coming with him until Niall sighed eventually, only letting his hands slowly slip off of me while getting to his feet. 

He also took forever to walk around my chair on pure purpose, kissing the back of my head unexpectedly before going over to Harry, not without another glare at Louis though. "I'll be so mad if you're mean to him or make him sad."

"Niall, I just wanna talk, Liam's one of my best friends too, you know." Some weight fell off of me when Louis said that, I don't know why I was being so anxious all the time he could change his mind about Niall and me, maybe because I felt like I deserved it after what I had done.

Niall said nothing, he threw a last look at me but let Harry put his hand on his back to lead him out of the room, telling him something that I was pretty sure Niall didn't really listen to. I could tell he didn't want to leave me, and I didn't want to leave him either, it was making me feel nervous, after being apart for so long, I was always scared that maybe it had just been a dream that he really loved me back, maybe I was just dreaming this and in reality only one day had passed after I left or so. I really hoped Niall wasn't thinking the same weird thoughts because they were really scary.

"Remember when you always gave me speeches about how I shouldn't dare to play with Harry's heart?" I did, but instead of chuckling along with Louis, I played with my napkin, hoping that he wasn't thinking I would break Niall's heart or lead him on, it had been so different back then, we were older now and I think he should know me good enough to see that I was being serious about this.

"Are you gonna give me the same speech?" As I looked up, Louis just stayed quiet for a second before shaking his head and leaning back, he seemed a little stressed to be honest.

"No, I know that you're not as dumb as I have been back then. I just… you know how happy I am for you guys, right? And that you're finally back and … and most of all to see Niall truly laughing and smiling again, he's like a different person ever since he was here for his birthday." Of course I knew that Niall hadn't been doing good at all, but I had believed him somehow when he had told me that he had been somewhat fine in the end because he had known I'd soon come home, and also that he played pretend in front of Louis and Harry. Maybe I shouldn't have believed him, it didn't surprise me that he tried to play things down.

"How bad?" Maybe I shouldn't have asked this because Louis' face scrunched up a little, he half shrugged, not looking at me anymore though while letting out a sigh and obviously giving in.

"Really bad. Like… he was trying so hard the last three months or so, and it was awful to watch because he thought we didn't see how sad and jealous he got whenever me and Harry touched just the slightest bit. I tried talking to him so often and Harry did too, we wanted to know what he was going to tell you once you come back or if he would still, you know, take you back, but he always changed the topic somehow. I was so scared yesterday and today, that somehow you two wouldn't get along anymore or wouldn't be able to make up or that you have completely changed your mind. I wouldn't have known how to fix him." Hearing this made me tear up, I hadn't wanted to cause so many problems while running away from my own, I had just wanted them all to be happy.

"I'm so sorry, Lou, I should've never done any of this. It's true that while being away I finally got to admit it to myself that I really do love him like this, but it wouldn't have taken nine months, a few weeks away from him were enough. Or days, it was so awful, I never got used to not having him around every day and I never want to experience something like that again." It felt wrong to whine about how bad it's been, but Louis' face was really soft and he nodded along as if he cared about my feelings. "I can't believe he took me back though, I've done the very worst to him, and he just forgives me like that, after I haven't even been home for a full day."

"He would always take you back, Liam, you could pack up your bags right now and leave again, as bad as this sounds, but as soon as you walk through the door again, he'd throw himself at you again. It's always been like this, he loves you so insanely much and no matter what you do he always will, I've known it before but after… this, I'm 100% sure that you could have left for ten years and he still wouldn't have gotten over you. Not that I would've let you, one year was my maximum before I would've dragged you back." One whole year seemed freaking insane, it were only two or three months left until Harry and Louis' first wedding day, I couldn't believe what I had missed out on, hearing stuff like this made my stomach twist uncomfortably, I knew how much Niall loved me, but hearing it from other people was always worse, it made me feel like the biggest asshole alive for making him wait this long.

"I wouldn't have survived this a whole year. I hate myself for all of this, I asked Niall to tell me about how he's been while I was gone, just to know what I have caused. I'm pretty sure he left a hundred things out and pretended that he hasn't even been that bad at all. But he had a freaking calendar to cross out the days and he was having such bad nightmares last night yet he still woke me up today saying he made me breakfast. And he picked me up yesterday, I thought I'd have a heart attack right there, he was so normal the whole time, he never even got mad or judged me or anything, how can that be?" I knew the answer, because if it would've been the other way around, I wouldn't have been mad either or ever held it against him, I would've just been glad that he was back, not that Niall would ever do something like this.

"He just loves you, Li, it's as simple as that. You know, in the beginning we talked a lot about you and he always said how he would never let you go again once you come back and he'd do anything it takes to make you see that you're right for each other and I prayed every night that things would turn out exactly how they are now." We all had is it seemed like, Louis sounded as if he had personally gone through the same as Niall, it just made me wanna apologize a hundred more times, to all of them. "But, Liam…. about the nightmares, he still has them?"

"Yeah… they're about… me leaving and I… Niall slept in the living room at first because we both didn't dare talking about it at first but I couldn't take it anymore so I went to check on him and he was talking in his sleep, about me, about how I shouldn't leave so I woke him up and took him to my own bed, because he was crying. And then… you know, we talked about everything and stuff and yeah…" No need to go into detail here, Louis just looked really worried and I was too because what if Niall had had nightmares like this every night but no one had been there to comfort him?! "I'm scared that next time I won't notice if he has nightmares again, I hope they pass, it was horrible to listen."

"Yeah, I know…" There was a sigh again, both me and Louis had made a complete mess out of our napkins now, I just had no idea what else to do with my hands, this conversation was so deep and we were reveling such awful things, I wanted to just go straight into the basement and hold Niall forever. 

"We let him sleep in our bed, because he couldn't stay alone for a week or so and later on one of us would sometimes stay in the guest room with him. But there's not been three nights in a row without nightmares. When he went back to your flat, you know, with his job and all and then the cat that he adores so much, I thought maybe it is good for him because I couldn't just chain him into our house, but in reality we were scared the whole time that he would do something to himself again or not be able to sleep anymore because of his dreams, but he pretended that he was alright and he wouldn't text back so frequently anymore and all that, I get why, but it's so hard now not treating him like a child, because Harry literally had him in his lap the whole night long when we came back after Christmas and I was putting band aids on his arms, but no matter what we said he just kept crying about that he wanted you to hold him. This was the worst night, I thought he'd actually try and kill himself or so, I… I felt so fucking helpless." During that I started feeing sick, this was exactly the stuff that Niall would never tell me himself, the really bad things that had happened, Louis didn't even notice anymore as he talked on I believe, I heard it in his voice and could tell from his expression how badly this had hurt him too, but imaging Niall crying for me was fucking killing me, I had to wipe my eyes a few times because I didn't wanna cry, but I almost did.

"I… I can never make up for this. I mean not only to Niall but to you and Harry as well, I have no idea what I've been thinking… we always needed each other so much, I should've known this would happen, I was just desperate and confused and… stupid and I don't even know. I'm so sorry, Louis, I don't know how I managed to do this to him, I would do anything to change this, anything." We hadn't been looking at each other but as I talked, I felt Louis' eyes on me, maybe because I sounded really pathetic, I should've stopped whining so much but I couldn't help it, I just wanted to start bawling and go look for Niall right now.

"Hey, Li…" Louis suddenly reached across the table to put his hand over mine, it wasn't too comforting, but at least I knew he didn't hate me. "Look, what happened, happened. I'm sorry for telling you all this stuff, I probably shouldn't have but I know that I would've wanted to know and you said you did, but still. I'm not judging you, neither is Harry or anyone else, you did what you thought was right and you thought it through. I don't know if Niall told you this but if you would've stayed Niall would've gotten his own place, you would've probably kept on fighting and it would've taken you so much longer to realize that it's alright that you wanna be with him in ways like this. Sure, you would've always been in reach, but staying wouldn't have been a solution for every problem. The situation in general was really messed up, it's not your fault that you didn't know how to deal with it, either way things would've happened that you'd regret now. But you're here, Niall loves you and he wants to be with you, that's all you should focus on, not about things in the past, but right now." 

My tears spilled over at this, somehow his words were making me feel a little better, he just chose the right things to say, it didn't even begin to make me forgive myself but he was right in so many points that I wanted to hug him, instead I just remained seated, still with his hand on mine while I tried to wipe my cheeks with the other. "Thank you… I never deserved friends like you guys…"

"Yes you do, we're always here for you, no matter what, I promise. We love you and Niall so much, you're our family and we'd do anything for you, never forget that, okay?" I really didn't deserve it, even less now, if I could've at least stopped crying so I'd be able to talk again, but Louis smiled anyway, how the hell did he always manage to do that in messed up situations like this one. "Hey, I'll get you some tissues and then we go downstairs looking for our boys, okay?"

Our boys. That sounded nice, I somehow managed to smile slightly, hoping that Niall wouldn't notice that I had cried, he'd accuse Louis of something and get mad, like he had already announced. Even though I appreciated how much he cared about me, it wasn't Louis' fault, so it'd be better to go downstairs with a somewhat normal face.

We talked a bit more while I tried to calm down, about nothing important really, Louis just told me about what he has been up to and about Harry graduating from college and immediately getting a job, I hadn't thought about this yet nor congratulated him, but it made me really happy for both of them, because I hadn't only missed out on everything going on with Niall but also my other friends, so it was good to hear about some normal every day stuff too.

"I hope we won't freeze our asses off, the heating doesn't work that well in the basement, it's kind of annoying and it's getting colder, too." Louis led me to the stairs, I had actually never been downstairs yet so this was quite a highlight, but also a little creepy, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to go first, but then again, maybe last would be even worse.

"I can live with the cold as long as I won't be haunted afterwards." The only thing keeping me from constantly turning back to Louis and check if he was still there was because I heard the TV, which didn't say anything, I would've rather heard Niall's voice or his laughter.

"You should see our attic if you wanna get paranoid." No thank you.

It was really impressive once we reached the end of the stairs, like it wasn't a spooky, creepy basement where you would expect a horror movie being shot, it looked like a normal room, without windows though, but the size of the TV made up for everything missing, trust me, and also Niall and Harry lying on each end of the couch looked really comfortable.

"Aren't you guys cold?" At Louis' voice, Harry looked up, but he just shrugged before shaking his head.

"No, I'm wearing a hoodie, I'm good. Everything alright?" He looked from his husband to me, I nodded quickly, my eyes going over to where Niall was slightly pouting now, I nearly smiled over this, he looked so jealous while stretching an arm out towards me as Louis dropped onto the couch far too close to Harry.

While I walked over to Niall, he made grabby hands towards me like a child, taking my hand the second I was close enough, pulling me down next to him. "Liam…"

"What's wrong?" Since he was holding my hand I couldn't wrap my arm around his shoulder and pull him into my side like I wanted to, instead I brushed my thumb over his knuckles softly, hoping that he'd cheer up again.

"I'm cold." I looked down, seeing the goose bumps on his arms almost made me pull him into my lap so I could cuddle him, but I kinda got a better idea as I thought about it, letting go of his hand which immediately caused Niall's face to fall even more.

"You want my hoodie?" Actually I was already opening the zipper up, taking it off as Niall nodded slowly, at least now there was a tiny smile on his face, I didn't like seeing him not as happy as before. "Here, I'll help you."

"Thank you…" It was too big on him, probably because it wasn't my size either but Niall wearing it made it a bit more obvious, he was smaller and skinnier, so that made sense, but adding up to that he also looked tired somehow and a little sad, there was nothing I wanted to do more right now than cuddle him.

"Come here, Ni, what's the matter?" We had to shift a little, but Niall didn't hesitate to pull his legs up on the couch and curl up under my arm with his head on my shoulder and my hand between both of his. 

"Nothing… I'm just tired. What did Louis want?" It was safe to talk about it, it was quite a big couch, the TV was on and besides that, Louis and Harry were wrapped up into their own conversation, so I buried my face in Niall's hair for a second, breathing in.

"We just talked, you know. He said he's really happy for us." And a lot more that I couldn't repeat in front of Niall, it seemed wrong to keep the fact from him that I knew more than he had been willing to tell me, but if I brought it up he'd just deny it or be embarrassed.

"See? I told you everything would be fine, I would've killed them if they had said anything mean to you." Niall moved his leg closest to me so it was in-between mine, his thigh pressing down on mine but since he wasn't heavy, I quite enjoyed how it brought us closer.

"I know… thank you, baby." A tiny yaw escaped him that made me smile, he was so cute and cuddly right now, like a puppy, only that he was warming my hand because of having both of his around, nearly purring as I started playing with his hair, brushing it out of his face with slow motions, it was so soft and Niall seemed to really enjoy it, I wouldn't have minded if we had stayed like this forever.

When Niall nuzzled his nose into my shirt, I nearly laughed and asked what he was up to, but I liked having him closer so much that I didn't say anything for a bit, feeling his breath through my shirt as he spoke up. "You smell so good, Li. And your hoodie too, I should always wear your worn clothes from now on."

"When are we gonna wash them then?" This made me happy, I had always liked seeing him in my stuff, it just showed that he was all mine.

"Let's not. And then you can be shirtless the whole day long, I wouldn't mind that." He pressed a kiss to my chest, sitting up a little straighter so we could look at each other, I slowly let go of his hand, reaching out instead to fix his messed up hair a little, just continuing then and stroking his face, he was so beautiful, I never wanted to look at anything else anymore.

"Yeah, I bet you wouldn't, what's everyone else gonna think though?" His shrug was adorable, I couldn't help but smile, not stopping him as he slid his hand under my shirt carefully, he didn't do anything, he just rubbed my stomach a bit and I sure as hell wouldn't tell him to stop.

"Well, who cares what anyone else says, it's fine if they think you're insane, then I won't have to share, because you're all mine." Truth be told, I loved when he was possessive like this, I always had and right now I felt like my chest could burst from how much I loved him, I was still stroking his cheek softly, enjoying how he leaned into my touch, still not moving his hand away from under my shirt.

Before I got to express how deeply I had fallen in love with him, he just closed the gap between us, only kissing me lightly at first, however this time no one tried to part us and I really didn't plan on doing it anytime soon so I kissed back with more force, holding him tightly.

The position we were sitting in was not really working in our favor, so Niall got his leg off of mine, trying not to break the kiss as he shifted a bit to make it easier, there was a really quiet sound coming out of mouth as I ran my tongue along his bottom lip, making his jaw drop immediately.

It was so nice kissing him like this, just slowly and without anything turning too heated, not that I didn't like that, but being extra gentle and careful felt amazing as well, I just got to hold him and feel him against me, his palm still against my skin causing some tingles as he moved it a bit upwards.

No idea what the others were doing meanwhile, all I could think about was Niall, everything else was jus too far away, kissing him was so mind blowing that it still surprised me every time, I hadn't known it could feel like this before him, every time we touched in general was sensational, not only because we had been apart for so long, but because he was the right one and I knew it, there'd never come anybody else who'd even get close.

As we parted, we were both panting softly, I pecked his swollen lips one more time, earning a smile for that before Niall snuggled down against me as I wrapped both my arms around him tightly, enjoying the weight of his head on my chest, his thumb stroking my hipbone. We didn't have to say anything to know what we were thinking, we still had this thing where we just knew and I was so happy, I could've cried, which I didn't though, Niall would've thought it was from something else and I didn't intend to worry him in any way when he was cuddled into me like this.

At some point, I nearly slept in, or maybe I had because I opened my eyes, feeling Niall's head against my cheek even if I had no idea at all when I had put it there, all I knew was that Niall was breathing evenly on my chest, one hand tightly clenched around my shirt.

Glancing over, Harry and Louis were still there too, even if they didn't pay any attention to us, which was good because I wasn't so sure if I was done with all the blushing today.

Anyway, I was pretty sure I really had taken a nap because there was something different on the TV now and also if I read that clock on the wall correctly then it was like nine thirty already and we had gotten here at shortly after seven. Judging by the way Niall was soundly sleeping on my chest, that had been enough to wear him out, which I understood really good, we had gone to bed really late last night.

"Hey, Ni, baby, time to wake up." I caressed his back softly, kissing the top of his head as he shifted a little, mumbling something but not actually waking up. "Nialler, do you wanna go home and sleep in our bed instead? It's way more comfortable, come on."

"Hmm… but Liammm…" Oh god, he was so damn sleepy as he sat up all of a sudden, eyes still half closed as he rubbed one of it with his knuckles like a child, he looked like he'd pass out any second so it was good that I kept my arms around him securely, pressing my lips to his cheek. 

"What, sweetie?" This was the cutest thing in the world, when he snuggled up to me while being this tired, needing my support to even sit up straight.

"I don't wanna walk… and…" Another yawn, this time I couldn't help but smile slightly, brushing the hair out of his forehead, it was so messed up already that I couldn't have made it any worse, but I still loved it anyway.

"And what?" I helped, because he seemed to have forgotten that he had been trying to say something else, his face was a little confused if I wasn't mistaken, he probably was just sleepy and nothing else.

"And… I don't wanna drive now…" As if he couldn't help it, he suddenly snuggled his head down against my neck, still holding onto my shirt, as if I'd disappear if he let go.

"Why drive? I'm driving now, you can sleep if you want to, babe." The only problem seemed to be getting to the car, I hoped he wouldn't sleep in anymore now so I resisted the urge to stroke his face again, it would just make him more tired.

"But your car is here, we gotta get it back home…" Oh, right, I had a car as well.

"I could drive your car back if you want to." Harry's voice nearly made me jump, I hadn't realized that the others had listened up now but they smiled fondly at Niall clinging to me, probably with closed eyes again, I couldn't see because his head was tucked into the crook of my neck.

"No, it's fine, I'll just get it tomorrow or so, if that's okay, I can take a taxi." I wouldn't have anything to do while Niall was at work anyway, well, I'd probably fall asleep again as soon as he was gone though, but I should manage to get here and back home again until five pm.

"Actually… I have to go to court tomorrow anyway, I'll just bring it to you when I'm done and Louis picks me up from there, we have to go to the mall anyway." Or maybe this worked too, then I wouldn't have to dress properly.

"Alright, thank you, just tell me if it doesn't work though and I'll get it myself." Meanwhile we were talking, Niall had sat up again, he seemed a little pissed now that he couldn't sleep anymore because we were being loud, even if Niall being mad in this situation was like picking a baby kitten up against its will, it just made all of us coo at him because he was so adorable.

"No, it's really fine, Li. Better get Niall home though before he sends us anymore death glare." I looked down to check if that was true, instead of getting a proper look at his face though, Niall wrapped his arms around my neck and pressed his cheek against mine, holding on so tightly it almost hurt.

"I didn't do anything… carry me, LiLi? Please?" Would it even have been possible in any world to say no?

"Of course babe, but you have to stand up for a second, alright?" There was a sigh at this and I heard Louis laugh, but at least Niall let go, pressing his lips to where his cheek had been seconds before.

The way he got up, or attempted to actually, was probably the most clumsy I had ever seen, I thought it would work if I just held him a little, but I ended up getting up with him, needing both my hands to support him and almost as soon as we had gotten to our feet, his arms were around my neck again, not making a secret about what he wanted. 

"Hold on tight." No need to tell him that, I was once more surprised how easy it was to lift him into my arms, trying not to make the hoodie slip up or he'd get cold outside, but it was fine, Niall just sighed happily, putting his head back down on my shoulder.

"Are you gonna manage the stairs? There's quite a few." Harry sounded a little worried, I wanted to shrug but then I remembered Niall wanting to sleep so I resisted.

"Shh, Liam can do everything." This comment made my heart swell, I quickly made sure the others couldn't see my face as I pressed my lips against his forehead, trying not to smile too stupidly over Niall's comment.

"Thanks, babe." The fact that no one said a word made me not wanna know what was going on behind my back, at least Niall made some sound that either was a 'you're welcome' or he had had something in his throat.

I did manage the stairs in the end, I also got Niall into his car, in the passenger seat, because he complained so long about not wanting to be in the back that I just gave in and let him have his will because it was too hard to deny such a sleepy, cute face a wish.

Saying goodbye to Louis and Harry was a tad emotional, their hugs lasted a bit too long and Harry kissed both me and Niall on the cheek, telling me again how happy he was that I was back and that we were together and all that, they both said that actually, it made me feel a little better about having to tell them about our wedding plans, but for now it could wait.

During the drive Niall turned towards me the first few minutes, he even tried to speak words that hardly made any sense at all, I placed my hand on his thigh, rubbing circles into the fabric but Niall shoved his hand underneath, letting his finger slide into the empty spaces between mine.

When we got home, he was so deep asleep and looking like an angel that I didn't have the heart to wake him, even if carrying him upstairs was a bit of a challenge, I was willing to take this on me if Niall could just sleep on, he seemed so relaxed now, I really prayed there wouldn't be any nightmares anymore, he had been through enough, he didn't need a constant reminder on what had happened.

Jellybeans nearly got under my foot because I had completely forgotten she was there, so I apologized quietly, which didn't make any sense but I wasn't thinking about anything besides cradling Niall to my chest as tightly as I thought was alright, trying not to give him kisses too often or I might wake him up.

Luckily I knew how to take his clothes off by now, I left his boxers and shirt though, the boxers because, well, that was kinda obvious, but the shirt because he got cold so easily and then I would get worried again that it might have been my fault if he got sick or something.

It was honestly such a relief to slip into bed next to him a few minutes later, getting under the blanket as well to snake my arm around his waist and pull him closer to me so our foreheads were nearly touching. There was something moving the mattress, even though it was dark, I only panicked for a moment, it was just the cat.

I even put an alarm on my phone for tomorrow so Niall wouldn't miss work before leaning over him and kissing his cheek softly, I could hardly see his face unfortunately or I would've spent a few more minutes, but pulling him into my arms and feeling him adjust automatically was enough for now, this was everything I had ever wanted, I was still scared I'd wake up tomorrow to find out this was a dream, it seemed to be ridiculous to have as much luck as I had. 

 

———Niall———

 

_"But you said you loved me!" There were tears streaming down my face, making my sight all blurry, but somehow I still saw Liam smiling at me, amused by me crying as it seemed._

_"People change their minds, you know, you'll get over it, I really gotta leave." I watched as he took his bag again, wanting to scream, yell, run over and punch him, this wasn't my Liam, he'd never do such a thing, he'd never stop loving me, but I couldn't even move a finger._

_"P-Please don't leave me…" My voice was almost only a whisper, his laughter was like knives cutting me open. "Liam…d-don't go… I can't l-live without you, I…"_

_"Look, as much as your little act is amusing me, I don't have any time for this, I'm not so sure anymore if I ever really did love you, I mean, you're just not good enough for me, sorry. Maybe we'll see each other again some day." No, no, no._

_"L-Liam… you're lying, you… y-you said you'd always be there, you-"_

_"My flight is in an hour, I have to go, have a good life, Niall." As he turned his back on me, I felt my whole life rushing past, there was absolutely no way that I would survive just one single day without him, he couldn't just leave me like that, who was that person, I had known Liam since forever, he'd never hurt me this much, we had just had drunk sex one time after the wedding, it was nothing, we had gone through a lot of stuff, we'd get through this too, if he just only gave me a chance to make it up to him._

_"Liam… I-I love you. Please." He didn't even stop, not even for one second, as if I hadn't said anything. And the next thing I knew was the door smashing closed and I was all alone._

 

I woke up with a gasp, my heart was beating so fast I was pretty sure the neighbors could hear it through the wall. Relief washed over me now that I knew that it had been a nightmare, the same one I always had, well, Liam's words differed from time to time but they never failed to make me cry in my sleep. The next thing I felt was panic, just because it had been a dream didn't mean that nothing was true about it.

Reaching out blindly into the dark after sitting up and touching another human body nearly made me wanna cry, he was still here, Liam loved me, I also felt the ring under my shirt now, none of it had been a dream, it was reality.

So I just started bawling, without making a sound though, I've had enough training in not waking people with my sobs, I just couldn't hold it in anymore, it was just everything that was causing this breakdown.

The nightmare. Happiness over Liam being next to me. Memories of the past nine months still haunting me. Fear, that he would change his mind again. The panic of waking up in the morning either finding out it had been a dream or that he had left me again, forever this time. The constant thoughts stuck in my head on replay, something might happen to Liam, he might die, he might have an accident and lose his memory of me, there might be a chance that I'd do something wrong and then he'd be mad at me. 

I couldn't handle this, I didn't even know what I wanted, well, I wanted someone to hold me, but I wasn't sure if I wanted Liam, telling me that he really loved me and that he would never change his mind, or Louis, because he always said something to make me laugh and he never slept in before me, or maybe Harry, I loved his cuddles, I could be sure he meant it when he said that he'd always have my back. Actually, I wanted all of them.

There was a feeling in my stomach that I knew too well, I quickly threw my part of the blanket back, trying to get out into the hall as fast as possible and then into the bathroom where I finally turned the lights on, closing the door as softly as I could with shaking hands, leaning into the toilet the next second.

This had happened a lot of times, I preferred vomiting to those nightmares, at least I was awake while doing it and fully aware of what was going on. Only that this time, I only spit out but nothing else, I mean, I felt really sick but maybe it had just been caused by how intense the nightmare had been this time. Why couldn't I have one night to fully sleep through?

Right… we had been at Harry's and Louis' house as far as I can remember and… well, I had no idea how I had gotten from the car into my bed, maybe Liam had carried me. Yeah, he probably had, oh god, he was so perfect, yesterday and today had been the best days of my life, I would've never thought he'd come back and tell me he _loved me_. He had asked me to marry him. _Liam_ wanted to marry _me_. I was so lucky, I should appreciate it more, and not sit here in the bathroom crying with my head in the toilet, I needed to enjoy every single second with Liam, I had given up on us ever being together, but now we were and every time we kissed I felt like I was dreaming, every time he touched me or looked at me with this sparkling in his eyes I could die on the spot from pure adoration. Liam really loved me and he wanted to be with me.

This time I left the light in the hallway turned on, picking Jellybeans up from the floor, she shouldn't have to sleep down there, while walking back to my side of the bed. My side. This made me smile, it was our bed now.

Because of the light from outside, I could finally look at Liam, the blanket was only covering his legs, but I saw the waistband of his sweatpants, other than that, I had free sight on his bare chest and his peaceful face because he was lying on his back, sleeping really deep luckily, I didn't want him to know about the nightmares, he shouldn't think hat I didn't trust him, because I really did, I was just scared that I would mess this up again.

As I scooted closer to him, lying down on my side while watching him, I reached out slowly, carefully placing my palm over his heart to feel the beat, just to be sure, I didn't like waking up and thinking that someone had died, it had happened too often back at Louis' and Harry's place, but Liam's heartbeat was steady and calming, and his skin was really warm too, other than my hand, hopefully I wasn't making him feel cold. 

I would've pulled the blanket back up but I also wanted to stare at him. Liam was the definition of perfect, I had always known that, besides his personality of course, he was so good looking too, I actually reached out again to stroke my hand over his stomach, feeling his abs before going back up to his chest that was slowly rising and falling under my fingertips now. And then his face, I wanted to kiss him all over, just everywhere, and he didn't shave that often anymore, I had asked, that looked really good as well, I liked feeling his stubble actually, so then I was 100% sure it was really him. Right, his arms needed to be mentioned as well, he was so strong and I felt so safe and warm whenever he held me, it was wonderful, if I was in Liam's arms or cuddling into his chest, everything was alright, I knew he'd protect me from anything and that he really loved me. Liam was perfect, simple as that, and he was all mine even though I had so many flaws.

Knowing Liam's deep sleep, I first of all pulled the blanket off of him to untangle it before putting it over him again, covering half his chest as well, I didn't want him to be cold just because I wanted to stare like a creeper. So then I got under the blanket as well, moving as close as I could and until I felt Liam's warmth through my shirt, I also put my leg in between his, just because I could, and I readjusted his arm softly, so I wouldn't accidentally lie on it and hurt him.

And then I just leaned one arm on his stomach, looking down into his face while running my fingers through his hair with my free hand, sometimes also stroking his cheek softly or pressing kisses onto his chest because I couldn't hold back. This was helping so much to forget about all the bad things going on in my head, just looking down at Liam, feeling him there, that was enough for me to calm down again.

After a while, I stretched over him a little more, pressing my lips onto his closed eye lid tenderly, and then just because I was already at it, sprinkled his whole face with kisses, I was so thankful that I was allowed to do stuff like this and show my love like this, even if he was asleep, I just liked doing it anyway, because I finally could.

As Liam's arm loosely wrapped around my waist, I felt that he was waking up a little, maybe I shouldn't have kissed him so much, but then again, I also didn't regret it. "Baby…?"

If Liam would call me baby all day long I wouldn't care one single bit, seriously, it was my favorite thing in the world. "I'm here, go back to sleep."

I felt him hold on a little tighter onto me, his other hand searching until he found mine on his stomach, I quickly intertwined our fingers, watching his face closely as his eyes half flattered open to meet mine, he was so tired, I felt really bad now, but he was also so cute when he was sleepy and uncoordinated. "What're you doin'?"

"Nothing." Maybe it would help if I started playing with his hair again, I decided to try it and I also stretched a little to peck his lips softly, smiling slightly afterwards. "Go back to sleep, Li."

"Are you okay?" He just got more awake if anything, I wouldn't tell him the truth, because he would only be worried, but I did feel bad already about being about to lie, Liam didn't deserve anyone lying to him, but I had no choice.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I didn't wanna wake you, sorry." As I placed another kiss on his chest, squeezing his hand, he relaxed a little more, but obviously he still didn't believe me because his face was worried.

"Why not? You should always wake me up when you can't sleep, I don't mind it. Did anything happen?" The thing was that I knew he really meant it, he really wanted me to wake him up whenever I needed him, this was just making everything worse, also the way his thumb was softy rubbing over my skin. 

"No, I just needed to go to the bathroom. And then I stayed awake a little." To stare at you for half an hour, nothing unusual. Technically I hadn't even lied, I really had had to go to the bathroom.

"Okay… did you leave the lights on?" Right, that was harder to explain, if I'm being honest, it wasn't only so I could see him better, I also didn't like the complete darkness, because whenever I woke up then I had no idea where I was, like before when I hadn't been sure that Liam was really there, but I just nodded anyway. "Should I go turn them off?"

"No… I'd actually… prefer if they stayed on..." It was embarrassing to admit, I quickly snuggled my head down in between Liam's shoulder and neck, breathing in quietly, he always smelled so good and familiar, it was really calming, and his skin was warm too, so there we had a few new reasons for why I wanted to cuddle with him 24/7.

"Okay, babe." Liam pulled the blanket up higher, holding me closer now and giving me a kiss on the top of my head before resting his cheek against it, still rubbing his hand up and down my side. "You know, I'm so glad that everything went fine with Louis and Harry… I thought they'd punch me or something."

"Why would they? They were never mad at you, Li, no one was, you did nothing wrong, and of course they're happy for us, they knew how long I umm… you know." Well, I shouldn't have said that, it was a little weird for him maybe, to think that I had liked him for such a long time already, I just didn't know why he was constantly thinking that everyone would hate him, I mean, the last nine months had been… hell, but he was here now, and he had only done what he thought was right, if that's what he had needed to realize that he wanted to marry me, it was fine, he was here now, and as long as he came back to me, I'd survive anything.

"Well… if I were them I wouldn't let me talk to you ever again probably." What?

"Why? They know it's my decision and they just want us to be happy, and they trust you. And I trust you too." I really did, I knew he wouldn't just pack up his bags and do the same thing again, but I was a little scared about making a mistake myself like, I felt so lucky now, I didn't wanna mess this up for nothing.

"Thank you, baby. I… I'll never disappoint you again, Ni, I promise, okay? I'll do everything to make this up to-"

"Li, what do you wanna make up for when you didn't even do anything? It's all good, you're here now, the only problem we have left is how to tell everyone about, well, getting married." I changed the topic on purpose, turning my head to kiss his neck softly, to show him that it was fine, he sighed a little, but I think he decided to play along.

"Everyone?" Well, telling Harry and Louis wasn't really the biggest problem that I had, even if Liam disagreed here.

"Well… shouldn't we tell our families? You know, I mean… I don't know if I want them to come but… we'll have to tell them eventually, afterwards at least." The arm around me tightened at this, I squeezed his fingers a little, hoping that my plans were alright for him.

"Right, I never thought about this… I was so nervous about telling Harry and Louis and now… this is gonna be a weird call." True, even if my mum had probably known about my crush on Liam before I had, she didn't know much about my life anymore, I mean, sometimes she called or texted but not very frequently, and my dad, well, I wondered sometimes if he knew he had two sons and not only one. Maybe Zayn would wanna know. "And my family thinks I'm straight."

"I used to think you were straight too until a while ago." Which had caused me many tears and many sleepless nights, it wasn't my fault that all of Liam's ex-girlfriends had been witches, okay, he was so wonderful, none of them had even been close to deserving him.

"Me too. Actually, I think I only like you. In general I mean, I've never felt anything close to what I feel for you." For this, I gave him a kiss on the cheek, giggling a little when he poked my side softly, a smile spreading across his face. 

"I love you." Just for this, he turned his head to lock our lips together, it was so amazing to kiss him, even just little pecks, but I had always dreamed about how his lips might feel against mine and let me tell you, I didn't get disappointed in the slightest bit, it was even more amazing than I could've ever imagined.

Our kiss was really gentle and slow, I loved when Liam was taking the overhand, because I knew he'd never do anything I didn't want to. Embarrassing enough though, I had to stop the kiss just to yawn slightly, but Liam smiled fondly at me, his hand leaving my hip to stroke my cheek instead softly. "You look so cute, Ni."

"Oh… thank you." Did he really think I was cute? I hoped so or my heart would be beating so fast for nothing now. 

"You're welcome, babe, it's the truth. Are you tired?" Somehow I wanted to sleep, somehow I wanted to stay up all night getting Liam's attention and more kisses, but he was probably sleepy and it was my fault that he had woken up.

"Yeah…let's go back to sleep." I leaned down just a few centimeters before our lips met again, feeling his almost gave me a heart attack, they were always so soft and he was being so gentle while kissing me, I easily could call myself addicted. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby." As I snuggled my head back down, Liam pulled the blanket up higher, his arm wrapping around my waist again tightly, we were still holding hands, it felt so good to have his slightly rough finger pads against my skin, or whenever he rubbed his thumb over mine, this was heaven and I'd got to experience it whenever I wanted to. "Ni… if you can't sleep, wake me up again, okay? I mean, not only tonight but anytime, or if you… you know, have a bad dream or so, I'm always here and I would never be mad if you need me."

"Thank you… but I'm good now, as long as you're holding me." My heart ached from this, he was so sweet offering this to me yet I still had nothing better to do than to lie at him, I was a horrible person, really.

"I'm not letting you go anymore, you're safe." I knew I was, and if Liam was holding me the whole night, then maybe I really would be able to sleep through, but whenever I moved in my sleep and out of his arms, the nightmares came too, something I couldn't tell him though, he'd only feel bad if we actually let go of each other while sleeping, and knowing him, he'd probably stay awake just to make sure I was okay, but I didn't want that, I was fine. "Wake me tomorrow when you get up?"

"Don't you wanna sleep longer? I mean, I'll only get up at eleven, but there are gonna be a lot days where you'd wish you could sleep longer than that." Well, I'd probably wake up way sooner anyway, I wasn't really good with sleeping in anymore, besides, it was probably four in the morning right now and it would take a while until I'd be able to fall asleep again, despite having Liam so close.

"No, wake me up, okay? We can have breakfast together and I can moan about how I don't want you to leave for work and try to make you stay by not letting go of you ever again." He laughed softly, I felt his breath in my hair because he had his face buried in it, his laughter was really cute though, I didn't know if he had really meant that, but I wouldn't mind if he tried to make me stay, even if it was just playing around.

"Yeah, that sounds good, I like that." Before there had been no reason at all for me to not liking work better than being at home, but now Liam actually cared if I left, at least that's what I hoped, it was nice having someone waiting for me to come back home.

"Okay, now let's go to sleep, I feel like I'm gonna pass out." His lips moved to my forehand, I also felt his hand moving up my side, over my shoulder and then into my hair, fingers playing softly with a few pieces, as if he knew exactly how much that helped me to fall asleep, it always had. "Sweet dreams, Nialler."

"Goodnight, Li…" His skin was hot under my lips as I kissed his neck gently, one of the marks I had left all over his body was exactly in that spot, so I was being extra careful, not wanting to cause him the slightest pain.

 

————

 

Moving out of bed was really hard the next morning, I had been woken up by Liam's phone, thankful that he had put an alarm on even though he hadn't been bothered by it himself, I quickly reached over him to turn it off before it would wake him.

He had kept his promise, we were still in the same position we had been in last night, maybe that's why after Liam slept in under me, I managed to do so as well a few minutes later, with the even rise and fall of his chest and slightly feeling his breath in my hair, not waking up anymore, I hadn't even had any dreams at all.

I heard some meowing coming from the door that made me sigh, right, I needed to feed Jellybeans, I should probably also shower and eat something before heading off, the problem was, I didn't want to, it was so warm under our blanket, Liam was all soft and comfortable, he looked really cuddly too and I just wanted to stay here and stare instead of moving out of his arms. But I kinda didn't have a choice.

After the five minutes I had given myself, I still felt really bad for kissing Liam's cheek before slipping my hand out of his, making his arm drop as I moved out from under the blanket and into the cold. He didn't really notice my absence other than curling up a bit, but I tugged him in properly again before leaving, I would've loved to stay and stare but then I wouldn't have needed to get up in the first place.

"Come on, Jelly." It was awesome to get a cat to react like this, I mean, she was probably only hungry but it still made me smile as she curled around my legs, but she meowed at me again, purring as I picked her up into my arms. Maybe this was weird, I don't know, I just really liked my cat a lot, and Liam liked her too, that was good because I wouldn't have been able to give her away, it had been so nice to finally have some company again, I could just pet her and keep her in my lap while trying to convince myself that it wasn't talking to myself if an animal was there.

As soon as I had resisted the urge to empty my stomach into the sink from smelling the cat food and putting Jellybeans down, I quickly went to have a shower, I hadn't have one last night so that made me feel kinda gross, especially in front of Liam, I had no idea if he had showered though, he always smelled wonderful anyway.

It was still making my day so much better to just go back into the bedroom and find Liam sleeping there, of course, I had only been gone for twenty minutes but three days ago I had woken up alone here wanting to die and now I had everything I could've ever dreamed of, it would be really hard to get used to this, maybe I didn't want to, I wouldn't take any of this for granted.

Just because I could, I went through his suitcase quietly, putting on one of his shirt, thinking about this afterwards, I could've also worn one of the hundreds he had bought me, but it was just so nice because I had worn exactly that shirt before and it was one of his favorite's, it would make my day a little better and all of this feel a little more like reality.

When I was done, I checked the time again, I had like forty minutes left, so even if it hurt me a little, I climbed on the bed again, on all four and crawling over to Liam, putting my legs on either side of him and just lying down fully on top of his chest, I hated waking him when he looked this relaxed, but he had told me to do it. 

"Hey, Li…" I cooed into his ear, running my fingers through his hair softly, watching his face as I leaned back a little, he was moving a little now after I kissed his temple. "Liam, babe, do you wanna have breakfast with me? You can also sleep on, you know, but I gotta leave soon."

"Ugh…" His arms wrapped around my waist, really tightly since he was so strong and his eyes flattered open as he yawned slightly, this made me grin, he was really cute. "Give me five minutes."

"Alright, but if you're gonna get up, I'm afraid you'll have to let me go first." It didn't feel like he would actually, he just smiled sleepily at me, just holding onto me.

"Hmm… maybe I will, if I get a kiss now." There was nothing I would've rather done than this, the already quite small distance between us disappeared completely once I just lowered my lips onto his, not really planning on deepening the kiss, it was only morning and we were just lazily kissing a bit while I caressed Liam's cheek, his lips started to become less forceful and as I pulled away again, I saw why.

"Li, don't sleep while you're kissing me, that's not really flattering, y'know." But I just shook my head slowly, smiling to myself and even bigger as he placed a kiss onto my nose, laughing softly.

"Sorry, sweetie." Sweetie was maybe even better than baby, I don't know, I liked all of the nicknames, they made me really giggly and hyper, which was quite embarrassing, I was a 20 year old guy after all. "Let's go have breakfast, okay? I don't want you starving at work just because I was too lazy to get up."

When he loosened his arms, the only reason why I managed to get up and off of him was because he'd come with me, besides, Liam was still shirtless, his sweatpants hanging low as he stretched once on his feet, wrapping an arm around my shoulder afterwards, still with that cheeky smile.

"Enjoying the sight?" Oh.

"I… I didn't I just-"

"Ni, come on. We've done naughtier things than that. Besides… maybe I'd like it if you watched me, you know." Since my face was still blushed, I didn't look up as he led me to the kitchen, but I felt his hot breath on my scalp as he pressed his lips there. "You look really nice today, Ni."

"Thanks." I hoped it was normal that my stomach twisted at this, I smiled slightly to myself, but Liam must've caught me because before I knew it, he stopped us right in the doorframe of the kitchen, stealing another kiss that made me gasp in surprise.

"You're welcome. I like when you wear my stuff, everyone will see that you're only mine when we go out tonight and I'll forbid you to change clothes before." Ridiculous, how happy this seemed to make him, I was speechless for a bit as I watched his face in front of mine, his whole face lightning up as he smiled at me brightly, locking our lips again before letting his arm slip. "What do you wanna drink?"

"Coffee, but I can do it." Liam threw a look over his shoulder, I was still frozen and just watching his bare, muscled back while he just ignored that I had offered to do it instead of him.

"You like coffee now?" Right, that…

"You know…" I walked up next to him, opening the fridge to look at nothing I guess, but it was uncomfortable whenever we talked about stuff that the other hadn't known before, it sounded like we didn't even know each other when really, I could've written a novel on Liam's habits. Only good, there was nothing bad to say. "I realized that having a job means having to actually… _do_ it."

Partly, the other reason was obvious, if you didn't sleep, you needed something to get energy from, but Liam didn't have to know that, I liked that he laughed, so there was no way I'd destroy that. "That's kinda how it works, yeah. I thought you liked it though?"

"I do. But I also liked sleeping in during lectures." Not that I missed college in any way, but in all honesty, I hadn't gotten anything done, it had been a waste of time.

Since the tension was gone now, I finally managed to get some milk out of the fridge, Liam was still chuckling while working the coffee machine, I pressed my lips to his bare shoulder blade while walking by to the table, well, I wanted to, but he stopped me by wrapping his arm around my waist quickly, pressing me against his chest instead. "But you're okay with your job, right? You know, I got mine, if you don't wanna-"

"Li, I'm alright, okay? I was just kidding before, but thank you, for asking, you know." My heart swelled at this, he was actually worried, biting his bottom lip as I did my best to smile and peck his lips softly, he was really offering me that I could just quit and that he'd pay for stuff while I looked for something new. Not that I would ever consider that, my job was fine, even if I had only gotten it in the first place because I had felt kinda bad for always walking in and out of here and Liam always spending his money on me.

He still held me close for a bit, not that I'd complain, letting me go with a nod and a kiss on my forehead then. "Just want you to be okay."

"I am." How could someone not be okay when they had a boyfriend like Liam? "I got you after all."

We only ate cereal today, because usually that's everything I had eaten when I had been alone as well, it just seemed unnecessary to cook more impressive stuff for myself, also, I lacked a bit of motivation to clean up afterwards, so not making a mess at all seemed to be a pretty good solution. Now that Liam was back though, I decided I'd try harder, and bring back our breakfast in bed thing that we had done so often it was ridiculous, like, other people probably only did this on special occasions, I had done it for Liam four times a week once, just because I wanted him to be happy and also because then I could lie in bed with him and squeeze myself under the blanket too. Didn't need an excuse for that anymore.

I didn't sit on his lap today, but I kept my feet there under the table since I was sitting across from him and Liam didn't seem to mind it, he actually smiled at me, rubbing my ankle with his thumb sometimes while we talked about stuff, like, that he was happy he got to go back to his old school again and about if he should take the bus to come and wait for me by my car when I had off, I told him no, but all he did was shrug, smirking before pretending to be busy with eating again. 

There hadn't been a day when I had wanted to go to work as little as I did today, I was so excited for tonight as well, like, it was as if we had a date or something, I made a joke about it and Liam said we could call it that if I wanted to, so it was no wonder I couldn't stop thinking about it anymore, going on a date with Liam had been my wish for at least three times whenever I had blown out my birthday candles. And then later on it had become kissing him. And then… well, let's say, I had gotten all my wishes now.

"Remember what I said last night?" We were hugging by the door now, I already had my shoes on but Liam refused to let go of my hips, I felt his thumb digging into my skin slightly while I kept my arms around his neck, our foreheads touching.

"What?" He had said a few things, I couldn't be blamed for not knowing, and his breath mixing with mine plus being pressed together like this while he was being shirtless kinda influenced my memories in bad ways.

"That I would moan about how I don't want you to leave." Ooh.

"I still got a few minutes, but I… I really… Liam…" My thoughts trailed off of the topic as he kissed the corner of my mouth featherlightly, over my cheek and down my neck then, pulling me closer into him until I gave in, sighing and tilting my head to give him better access.

Obviously he didn't care about how long time I had left when he sucked on my skin lightly, not hard enough to leave a mark though, but it still sent tingles down my spine and I tightened my arms around his neck automatically, knotting my fingers into his hair. If there was one thing I really had a thing for, it were neck kisses and he probably had figured that out by now because he kept going, finding all my sweet spots immediately, making me forget about unnecessary things like work or breathing altogether. "I really don't want you to leave."

Maybe I attempted to say something, who knows why all that came out of my mouth was a strangled mewl, however it seemed to motivate Liam to plant a few more open mouthed kisses on my skin, I was nearly breaking skin now while digging my fingernails into his neck, his body pressing up into mine because I was feeling the wall in my back now, gasping when he bit in my earlobe carefully. "Li…"

"I got an idea." No, it wasn't anything dirty, actually, Liam just brushed his lips along my jaw softly before suddenly pulling away, he was still holding and supporting me, but I was about to complain about him stopping his treatment. "I'll drive you and pick you up again later, okay?"

"But … I can drive, I…" No idea what I was even saying, I didn't have an argument nor was I fully sure I had understood what he had even been trying to tell me, I had barely even opened my eyes again when his lips were pressed against mine again softy, one of his hands sneaking underneath my shirt to caress my skin just above the waistband of my boxers. Yeah, above, I wished it would've been different as well.

"No, there's no reason for me to let you go now when I can just postpone it a little. I'll go get a shirt, okay?" And just like that, his warmth and lips were gone, leaving me alone and breathless next to the front door, my fingers were on my neck without me even realizing it, he was going to drive me mad one day. Despite the fact that he had just done all of this just to leave me standing then, I really liked his idea, we hadn't been apart for real since he had gotten back, I was already nervous, so delaying our goodbye a little seemed to make both of us happy.

When Liam came back, there was a smile spreading across his face as he saw that I was still standing in the exact same spot, probably with a face blushed as hell as well, but he just ran his fingers across my cheek lightly while kissing the other, damn it, why had I let him put on a shirt, now all I could watch while he bent down to put his shoes on were his too low sweatpants. "Liam…"

"Yes, baby?" I heard the slight amusement in his voice even if he didn't turn to look at me, which was probably a really good idea right now.

"Are you even wearing boxer shorts?" God, why had I even looked, I needed to get out of this flat and get some fresh air, Liam was officially torturing me.

At first, there was just a loud laugh, he got up again after he was done, smiling over how my eyes only slowly went up from his crotch to his face, he still reached out to lock our fingers, way too amused by this. "Nope."

Oh, good to know then… 

It wasn't my fault that Liam was so handsome though, sometimes I thought he was doing this stuff on purpose, like, lifting his shirt slightly at random times just because he needed to 'fix it', or the way he always flexed his biceps, sure this was impressive and maybe I was encouraging it with my stares and very obnoxious giggles whenever he caught me, but _still_. "Do you need a tissue?"

"Why?" As soon as we had gotten into the car, not even questioning that Liam would be the one driving, I had turned slightly to be able to watch him, it was hard drawing my eyes away from the veins on his hands sticking out whenever he moved them on the steering wheel.

"So you won't ruin your car when you start drooling?" Unbelievable. I mean, his laughter and the fact that he had noticed was really embarrassing, but I stilt tried to be mad at the comment.

"Did you know that you're slightly narcissistic?" Actually, he wasn't, he was perfect and it was fine if he was aware of it, but somehow I don't think that he really thought stuff like this about himself, because he seemed to be surprised for a second before chuckling. "Maybe I was looking at your watch, trying to figure out the brand. I've become really interested in watches, you know."

"Oh, really? Since when do I wear watches on my upper arms?" The only reason why my face wasn't that hot was because he couldn't look at me and the street at the same time, but at the next red light, Liam turned his head, making me look down as soon as I met his eyes and saw the smirk plastered on his face.

"Shut up…" I really wanted to be mad right now, but when he reached out to slip his hand into mine, I still returned the squeeze. 

"I didn't mean it, Ni, sorry. I just enjoy it when I catch you looking at me, not that I think about myself as so good looking, I just like to think that you do." Was he kidding me?

"Well, in case you pass a mirror sometime you maybe wanna change your mind about that." This made him smile sweetly at me, only for a second though since he had to drive on, but I wrapped my second hand around his in return as well.

"Thank you, but I really didn't mean to come off as self observed, we all know that the most gorgeous boy is mine. There's no need for anyone else to think they can compete." Was it normal that I had trouble filling my lunges with air all of a sudden?

"Well… you haven't met my boyfriend then." This was so silly, such dumb jokes but still there was a nervous giggle escaping me while I watched Liam's hand in mine, tracing the back of his with the tips of my fingers slightly.

Liam stayed quiet for a bit, but then he laughed quietly, as if he had trouble believing something. "I like when you say that. You know, when you say that I'm your boyfriend."

"Who says I was talking about you though?" I wanted to take it back a second after it was out, I actually got butterflies from what Liam had said, he liked being called my boyfriend.

"Hey, that's not nice." When he stopped the car again, I hadn't even realized that we were there already, but our eyes met again and Liam's face was still all soft despite my really dumb joke.

"Sorry… I really like it too. Saying that you're my boyfriend." Actually, I wanted to get out of the car and just tell random people on the street about this, that's how freaking obsessed I was, he should probably not find out about my weird thoughts.

"You know what's gonna be even better?" Nothing, what could be better than this, seriously?

"What?" He smiled sweetly over my confused face probably, suddenly leaning really close, our lips almost brushed actually and I felt my heartbeat speeding up automatically. 

"Calling you my husband." Before I got to fully understand what he had just said, he lifted his free hand, touching where the ring was hidden under my shirt, his mouth was on top of mine not a second later, I felt him smiling into the kiss, maybe because I was really desperate for it now, I even let go of his hand with one of mine to place it in the nap of his neck, holding him close. 

This was so overwhelming, he really was just as excited as I was and the fact that he couldn't wait either caused tears to form in my eyes, I nearly sobbed but held back because I didn't want him to stop the kiss, I actually tried to deepen it, not caring what someone walking past the car would think about this.

Liam let me do what I wanted for a while, it was perfect like always, we just fit so well, we knew the right angle and to move our tongues in sync, but eventually, we ran out of oxygen and also, the clock was dangerously close to bursting our bubble of happiness. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Li." I let my eyes fall closed again as he caressed my cheek, leaning into the touch of his warm palm. 

"You gotta get out soon, babe, don't want you to be late because of me." Well, it wouldn't matter if I came a little too late, but I actually didn't wanna go at all anymore, so I sighed as I blinked my eyes open, being met by a kiss on my nose, making me blush slightly. "This is so adorable, I love how red you always get."

"That makes one of us." He chuckled, dropping his hand now as I went to unbuckle my seatbelt, it didn't help trying to pretend that I didn't have to go because I did, I should appreciate this day actually, from now on I'd have to leave even sooner and then next week, Liam would go out of the house before me even.

"Cheer up, Nialler, I'm taking you on a date tonight, remember?" Yeah, that was the only thing that kept me going actually, I really tried to smile at him as I pecked his lips one more time because I just couldn't resist this face.

"Yeah, I can't wait. Drive carefully, okay?" I just felt the need to add this, that was the only reason why I should've said no to him driving, but I had kinda been distracted and it was too late now, but Liam wasn't annoyed by this, he actually took it serious.

"Of course I will. Have a good day, alright?" This made me wanna groan, but I held back, half opening the door before stopping again to look back at him, god he was so beautiful and his smile was unbelievable.

"It's not a whole day, it's just five hours, I could just say, 'see you in a bit', actually." Yeah, that'd sound a lot better.

"See you in a bit, love." Liam chuckled when I rolled my eyes but it still made me smile and press another kiss to his lips before finally getting out of the car, I planned on not looking back, but then I waved at him anyway, and silly as he was, he just laughed, blowing me a kiss.

 

———

 

It were a lot of hours of 'Why are you so smily today, Niall' and 'You do realize it's a monday, right?', but I shrugged it all off, I was getting along well with my co workers, but I never talked about my private life so I wouldn't make an exception today just because I wanted to gush about Liam, I mean, I wasn't trying to keep it a secret, I just didn't feel the need to share right now.

Harry texted me sometime, well, he actually sent me a picture of a very shirtless Liam on our couch with Jellybeans on his laps with the caption 'can't believe you left those two at home', he was probably waiting for Louis at the flat, I felt a bit of jealousy bubbling up, not because of them being together, I just wanted to be there as well, but it really did make me smile, I liked the fact that Liam liked our cat so much.

Maybe it still wasn't a good idea to text Harry a picture back of me flipping him off, I mean, it was fine because no one saw and I was on break but I didn't get an answer back anymore after this, I assume he had shown Liam though because two minutes later I got a 'I love you :')' from my boyfriend. So maybe it actually had been a great idea.

To say I was eager for Liam to arrive when I finally had off was maybe a bit understated, I couldn't get out of the studio fast enough, my eyes scanning the parking cars already and I nearly missed his because I wasn't used to seeing his really damaged one anymore, but as I did, my heart made a jump.

"Well, hello there, handso-"

Liam didn't get to finish, I nearly fell over into his lap from wanting to kiss him so desperately, it wasn't good to be apart for so long and I didn't care if this came off as clingy or crazy or whatever, it was just all still so new and exciting that I couldn't help it. I hoped it would stay this way, I mean, I would never get tired of kissing and cuddling Liam or feeling him laugh against my lips over my impatience like right now.

"We got the whole night, sweetheart." Another name that made it very hard to accept that we had to part, but I settled back down in my seat now, being very well aware of Liam's stare and damn, I had no idea what he was staring at but all I knew was that he himself was quite a sight.

"Don't you think it'll be a little intimidating for me if you look like this?" His hair was made, he was wearing the one shirt I liked the best on him as well, as if he knew about it even though I had never said it, and then combined with his face, he was perfect.

"Well, I gotta try hard so I can keep up with you." Even if he leaned over again to kiss my forehead, still smiling widely as he started the car, I wasn't really sure if I could believe him this time.

"Yeah, it must be life challenging to beat not made hair and too wide shirts and dark circles." And a lot of other stuff, I had been really tired today even if that was gone now because Liam's presence made me feel high, but I couldn't imagine that I looked very good or even healthy now.

Instead of saying something or turning his head, Liam reached out for my hand, intertwining our fingers like always and bringing it up to his lips to softly kiss my knuckles while his eyes stayed fixed on the road. "I think your hair looks cute when you wear it down and I love to see my shirts on you and besides that, there are no dark circles that could distract from your gorgeous eyes."

Had he just made me a compliment about my dark circles not being too noticeable? "Don't be so sappy."

"You love it though, I know you're smiling like an idiot and I'm not even looking at you." Guilty.

"So where are we going?" I hadn't asked yet because I knew that he wouldn't tell me anyway, I just wanted to change the topic because his compliments made my throat really tight.

"It's a surprise." There weren't many places we could go to though, unless he planned on driving for hours, which I didn't hope because I was going to be starved to death until then, really, I actually didn't mind where we would go, I was with Liam, this was a date, there would be food, nothing could go wrong here. 

"Give me one small hint, just one, please?" He knew how I couldn't handle not knowing, maybe that's why he laughed and I sighed loud enough for him to know that I was going to play mad now, I mean, I should've probably stopped playing with his fingers in my lap to make that work.

"It's your favorite food." Well, that didn't help, you could literally buy pizza everywhere.

"Is it pizza hut?" You know what, I actually would like that, I remember that Liam had been the first person to take me there, on my 11th birthday and that was also the day when I had completely fallen in love with him. Not literally falling in love, I had loved him as my big brother back then of course, but it would be nice to relive the memory anyway, even if we had been to pizza hut more often than I had been to college probably.

"Nope. You're not gonna guess it, you might have to just wait fifteen minutes to find out." Yeah, no, that sounded like a lot of time, I tried to think of arguments to convince Liam, or look outside the window to maybe recognize the area but I wasn't really good with remembering houses and streets, so that wouldn't work. "You know what's the funny thing about this? I didn't know where we would go until three hours ago either."

"That's not funny, that's slightly worrying." It was just a joke though, I trusted him, wherever we would go, it would be completely fine, I had just spent five too long hours without him, it was making me appreciate the time I got to spend with him even more, no matter where.

"Then slightly worry about it but you're gonna regret saying this, babe." I groaned slightly, because I was just painfully impatient, Liam threw a quick look at me, with so much love that I was forced to look down at our hands again, blush creeping into my face as I started playing with his fingers again, liking the way he sometimes moved his hand to put it on my knee or rub circles into the fabric of my jeans or the back of my hand.

What really worried me though was when Liam stopped somewhere I had never been before, I mean, that was fine but then… "Wait here, okay? I'll be back in five minutes."

"What are you doing, Li?" This was really confusing, but he pressed his lips on top of mine before getting out of the car, giving me a thumbs up from outside that I only commented with a more than confused look. What in god's name was he up to?

I watched him disappear inside the building he had parked in front of, it was obviously a place that sold pizza but none I knew and why the hell was I supposed to wait, I was kinda a little hungry too.

My worries disappeared immediately when Liam only needed four minutes to come back out with a smug look on his face and _three_ pizza cartons. I had definitely picked the right guy. 

"I love you." Were my first words when he opened the car, putting the cartons on the backseat while laughing slightly and settling down into his seat again. "Why three though?"

"Well, maybe we'll still be hungry after one, or we can just keep it in the fridge and eat it some other time, I haven't really thought about it to be honest because I ordered them before I came to pick you up." That was completely fine, I liked his way of thinking and he got a kiss on the cheek for that.

"What are we gonna do now, eat at home? Or in the car? I wouldn't mind any of that, you know, but my stomach will if we continue driving for much longer." It was nearly unbearable to have so much pizza in your car and all the smell spreading while you haven't eaten for hours but can't have a slice.

"Neither of those, I told you it's a date, didn't I, and we're almost there, okay? Don't die, please." God, I couldn't wait anymore, he couldn't even make this any better now anyway, why was he trying so hard?!

"I'll try." My almost sarcastic answer made him laugh, I felt bad though, I hadn't wanted to sound mean, I was just really excited and I couldn't handle surprises, he probably knew that I wasn't really mad though, as soon as he placed his hand on my thigh again, all innocently with the palm up, I wrapped it up in mine, hoping that me and him had the same definition of 'we're almost there'.

For the rest of the drive, I was so fixed on staring at Liam's profile and bombing him with questions that I didn't actually watch where we were even going, maybe I once looked out of the window or so, but I didn't get it anyway so I decided to complain a little about it and pout, but it only caused Liam to laugh and telling me that I was cute.

As he stopped the car, I hardly noticed, only when he suddenly interrupted me, turning his head towards me with an amused smile playing around his lips. "Babe, look out of the back window."

Confused as to why the back window, I did, not knowing what to expect really but as I did I went silent immediately. "Oh. Wow."

"You think this is a good place to eat?" We were up on the only hill that we had around here, I slightly remember there being as a child or so some time, but of course, I hadn't learned to appreciate the sight back then but now I did, like, it was about to get darker soon and you could already see some lights and you could nearly look down on everything from up here, it was really beautiful.

"Perfect. Why did you park the car backwards though?" Liam just smiled at this, pulling the key out and giving my hand a squeeze before letting go to open up his door.

"I'll show you, come on." He had my full trust about picking out stuff we were gonna do again, I made sure to quickly get outside too, following him around the car, not really knowing how I should appreciate the view when he was there to look at as well.

"What?" The smile he was giving me made me blush slightly, he had just stopped walking once we were in front of the trunk, suddenly looking away from me and reaching out to open it up.

"You know, I thought about taking you to a restaurant, but we've been to all of them at least one time and it wouldn't have been that special, and also, we might run into someone we know and then get disturbed or whatever. Besides, it's not so comfortable sitting in a restaurant, right? So I got this idea." No doubt, Liam was an actual angel, he had taken everything out of his trunk and put in pillows and a blanket instead, making everything fall in place now. Wow. "But if you don't-"

"Be quiet." His laugh was the cutest as I just wrapped my arms around his middle, burying my face in his shoulder as I thought about how happy I was right now, this was literally perfect, it would be even better once I was cuddled up with Liam though. "I love this. Thank you, really, that's the best idea you could've come up with, seriously, this is so much better than siting in a restaurant."

"Thank you, babe, I'm glad you like it. Just sit down, okay? I'll get the food." The fact that Liam was so excited about me liking it got me even more excited as well, I could barely stop grinning now, stopping him from leaving by grabbing his wrist and placing a kiss on his lips, he really deserved it.

"If we weren't engaged I would ask you to marry me right now." Well, maybe this sounded wrong, I loved him because of other things than this romantic side of him as well, but he just chuckled anyway, holding my hand for a second.

"Just wait until it's getting dark, it'll look even better." When he kissed my forehead softly, I thought that him going to get the pizza was still too much distance between us, but I sat down anyway, the car was really old and I guess Liam wouldn't have minded if anything had gotten dirty, he had put something on the bottom of the trunk though, maybe to make it softer, so I still took my shoes off anyway, moving backwards until I hit the backseat. Somehow it was a little weird to sit there, but the sight was pretty and I adjusted the pillow, taking the blanket too and to be honest, this was quite comfortable, only thing missing was my boyfriend. "Here, I got some coke from home."

"Thank you, you really brought everything, huh? This is amazing, come here." Once I had put the bottle of coke next to me and the pizza on my lap, Liam had his hands free to get in next to me, he took his shoes off as well though, moving so close to me that our thighs and arms were brushing. I put the blanket over his legs as well so he wouldn't get cold before opening one carton, it didn't matter which one because we both had the same favorite. Which was good because we could put it between us, balancing it on both our legs before I nearly ripped it open, not being able to wait anymore. "Thank you for paying too, you know, I-"

"Shh. This is a date, remember? I took you out, I pay, easy." I couldn't do anything but shrug at this because my mouth was already full and Liam pressed a kiss to my forehead before getting a slice as well.

"It's our first date actually, which is kinda funny but you made it perfect, Li, really." While saying this I leaned my head onto his shoulder, still chewing and letting my eyes wander over the town and the setting sun, it'd get colder soon but I had Liam to cuddle into and the blanket as well so I should be off fine.

"I'm glad that you see it like that, I wasn't really sure if it would be, you know, too much or so, but you're right, this is actually perfect, we should do this more often." Yes, more dates, I liked hearing that and I also liked to think that this could be our thing, like things we do as a couple that we hadn't done before.

"Absolutely. It's like in a movie." It was probably better than in a movie, because they didn't have someone like Liam by their side. "I didn't even know you could be this romantic."

"Hey! I'm trying, okay? It's for you after all." This made my cheeks heat up, he luckily couldn't see because I didn't lift my head, but I felt all fuzzy and warm from hearing him say something like this and press a kiss onto the top of my head. "You know, speaking of being romantic and all… when should we get married?"

"Any day is fine for me." I know, people would probably say we should wait, I just didn't want to, like, how had Harry and Louis managed to keep it a secret and wait for a whole year?

"No, but I'm serious. And we gotta tell people as well and stuff. At least Louis and Harry and ask them if they would be our best men." They obviously would, Harry would probably start crying if I asked him, he had nearly knocked me down with his hug last night when we had been alone in the basement, so I could only imagine how this would turn out.

"I really don't wanna call my parents, like, it's not like my dad would actually care and I really have no idea what mum would say, I mean… " The pizza was so good that I couldn't stop eating while talking, I tried to swallow before opening my mouth and Liam just laughed when I had trouble keeping it all in. His arm was around my shoulder now so I could lean my head against it, feeling the warmth in my neck and enjoying how his fingers played with the hem of my shirt absently.

"But I feel like we have to do it. And I'm pretty sure your dad would care, I bet they'd be happy for us as well. And Zayn." Right, Zayn was the only one I wasn't scared to call, our relationship hadn't been the best when we had been kids but now it was quite fine like, we weren't really close but the distance was fine for both of us, I knew he'd never judge me for something like this. 

"I'm scared though… I mean, I'm not embarrassed or anything, I just… you know it's like, your mum watched me grow up and… and back then our age difference was quite noticeable, so I have no idea what they're gonna think, I don't know if anyone ever suspected this." Maybe my mum had noticed that I had had a little… crush on Liam when I had been like, 15 or so, I mean I had basically talked about him nonstop, not only at home but also at school, it surprised me that no one had ever said anything about it, thinking about it now.

"I don't think it should matter, of course it would've been really weird if we had gotten together when you had been younger, but five years is like nothing now." True, I didn't feel too immature for Liam, it was almost as if we were the same age and after spending years of crying because of how he'd always see me as a child, which had also been the reason for him leaving, so to know that those things didn't matter to him any longer was a really nice feeling, it had haunted me for nearly half my life after all.

"Yeah… but maybe they're still gonna think it's weird, I mean, I actually don't care if anyone approves of this, I know what I want and I also don't care that I'm only 20, I'd marry you on the spot, just so you know." What did matter to me though was that someone would maybe try and talk me out of it or maybe even say something to Liam when they had no idea about us at all.

"Thank you, baby, me too. But I still haven't even gotten you a proper engagement ring." Nearly a whole pizza was gone by now, I was still really hungry, so I switched the empty carton with a full one without even hesitating, making Liam laugh at me for being so impatient, it was just really good, okay?

"I don't want one. I like the one you gave me, I can't wear it on my finger but who cares, it's not like I need to show it off, I know that it's there. Besides… I don't wanna wait as long as Louis and Harry did, so it would be unnecessary to get a new one. And I want your last name." Why not throw that in there too.

Liam's arm sneaked around my stomach under the blanket, I let myself fall against him a little more so I could feel his breath against my ear as he leaned down a little more. "You do?"

"Yeah, of course. Unless you have another idea, or-"

"No, I don't, I would love for you to have my last name, I just didn't say anything because I wanted you to decide, so thank you, this makes me really happy. YOU make me happy." There was a kiss behind my ear before Liam's lip wandered down my neck, kissing where it joined my shoulder softly and making me shiver.

"You make me happy too, Li… but you don't have to thank me, Liam, I really, really want this, that's not even a question, everyone should know that we belong together." He pulled away, unfortunately not continuing where we had left off this morning, but it was alright because I liked to have his cheek leaned against my head as well.

"Agreed. I really can't wait now." Same, I decided that I needed a little break from all the eating so I put the carton down beside me since Liam obviously wasn't hungry anymore anyway, besides I could snuggle into his arm instead and he automatically tightened his arms as I shoved my hand under his on my shoulder. "Let's not get too stressed, okay? I mean, I want this to be great for you and that everyone would be happy for us and I know we'd have to plan ahead a long time, and-"

"Hey, Liam?" I pressed my lips over his shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin through the material and making me wish it wasn't there.

"What?" He sounded a little confused that I had interrupted him just like this, I let my free hand draw circles on his arm around my stomach, amazed that he got goosebumps not even a second later. 

"I think you're a little stressed about this." It was just him though, I remember that before Louis and Harry had gotten married, he had always talked about how he would have made sure to have everything planned out for months because he'd be so nervous, I don't think that that had changed. "It's fine, okay? I don't even care if it'll be big or not, it could just be the four of us and it would still be the best day of my life, as long as you're there, you don't have to stress out now or think that you have to organize everything into the last detail, it'll be okay."

"Sorry, I know, I'll try and keep it together, okay? I just want you to be happy." My mouth turned into a smile all by itself, Liam was so sweet, how did I deserve such a perfect guy? He always only cared about my wellbeing and he put me in front of everything, even himself, not that I would ask for someone to do this, but it still made my heart flutter, and it was so calming to have someone you know would do everything for you.

"I AM happy, Li, marrying you is gonna be the best thing to ever happen to me, I know it, we wouldn't even have to wear suits or go to a church, you could come in sweatpants and I'd always remember this day anyway." Liam in sweatpants was really fucking hot, especially if he wore them so low and without boxer shorts like this morning… god, it wasn't a good idea to think about that.

There was no answer for a few seconds, Liam nuzzled his face into my hair, I loved when he did that, it gave me chills to feel his hot breath whenever he let out a breath and how he placed kisses after kisses onto my head. "You're wonderful, Nialler. You're so forgiving and kind and caring and you always make the best of everything, you're literally what perfection is, and I know you're gonna protest, but for me you are and there's no person anywhere in this world that could always find the right words like you do, or who is as beautiful and smart and funny and who could make me feel as loved as you do, I just love you so incredibly much, baby, and I can't believe that you picked me." My eyes were burning with tears after that, I pressed my face tighter into his shoulder, trying not to let a noise escape that would give away how emotional his words had made me, but I kinda failed terribly at that.

"I l-love you s-so much too, Li… " After that I couldn't continue, because my voice would either break away or I'd sob in between, god, why was I so stupid and embarrassing, couldn't I react like a normal person to someone making me a compliment? A hundred compliments actually, because we were talking about Liam here.

"Aww, Ni, you're not crying, are you? I'm sorry, babe, I didn't wanna cause any tears." He was trying to catch a look on my face but I didn't want to, so he just let me cuddle up to him tightly, bringing his hand up to stroke my cheek softly and catching a tear that had escape me. "I really meant everything I said though, you know that, right?" 

"Y-Yeah…" I did know it, I just couldn't believe that he really loved me just as much as I loved him, I hadn't even dared dreaming about this the last few months but now we were here and everything was perfect, those were happy tears and I really hoped he knew that because I wasn't able to say it out loud.

We might have tried to get even closer, but it wasn't even possible anymore, Liam just held me close while I tried to stop myself from crying even harder, whispering sweet nothings into my hair while placing kisses on my skin once in a while, all while rubbing my shoulder softly and not minding me nearly tearing his shirt because of how tightly I was holding on.

When the sun started to really set, Liam whispered in my ear that I should take a look and I finally decided to lift my head a little so I could catch a glimpse as well and not miss out on the sight, receiving a kiss on my cheek almost as soon as I sat up a little more straight. "It's beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you." His kisses moved up my temple, he chuckled slightly against my skin, making me grasp his arm to keep it in place. "You're blushing already, I'm impressed with my skills."

"Shh." Just to overplay my embarrassment, I turned my head quickly so his lips met mine now, he parted them immediately as I gently asked for permission to slip my tongue into his mouth, it tasted like pizza, which was good, but it also tasted like simply Liam and that was probably even better.

Our hands started moving over the others body without further do, Liam was always so good at stuff like this, he simply slipped his hand under the back of my shirt, running his palm up and down softly while his other one was pressed against my cheek to keep me close to him. I decided that it wasn't fair how he was nearly undressing me here, I would've moved my hand under his shirt too but I kinda really liked to run it through his hair and keep my other over his in my face, enjoying the sighs and very quiet moans that escaped him sometimes.

"Niall…" As he pulled away just the tiniest bit so I could still feel his lips moving against mine as he talked, I nearly just ignored him and pulled him back for another kiss. "I got dessert as well, you know."

"Should I take this in a dirty way or…?" My eyes flattered open as he started laughing, unfortunately leaning back even further now and letting his hand slip down after linking our fingers together.

"I think your dirty mind has to wait a little, I meant actual dessert, unless you're not finished with the pizza of course." Well, I had eaten a lot more than him already and the thought of dessert wasn't putting me off so I quickly nodded, stealing another kiss, because it was really hard to actually not have our lips pressed together constantly when we were this close. 

"Hmm… but you taste pretty good as well." This made him smile a crooked smile, a really cute one too and he also placed a kiss on the tip of my nose to top it off, as if the butterflies in my stomach weren't going insane already.

"I'll just show you what I got, okay? Maybe you'll change your mind." Impossible.

I whined a little when he let go of me slowly and demanded a few more kisses before I finally stopped holding onto his wrist and let him move to the edge of the trunk. "If you climb over the backseat instead I could watch."

"A good argument, but I already got one shoe on, next time, okay?" I groaned and Liam looked over his shoulder to gave me another grin. 

"Hurry up." I mean, it's not like I couldn't watch him the whole time, he wasn't even far away from me because he opened the back door of the car after walking around and stretching his hand out over the backseat to ruffle my hair unexpectedly. "Liaamm!"

"Sorry, but it looks really soft and I can never resist, it still looks awesome though, it always does, no worries." The thing was, he probably meant it, even if it wasn't true at all, maybe Liam really thought this way, I wished he did.

After searching around for a little, he came back around and all I had managed to do meanwhile was untangling the blanket a little bit, which I regretted because it was getting cold and Liam's warm body was missing as well so I was more than happy as he finally moved back under the blanket with me, holding something in his hands.

"Close your eyes. And open your mouth" That grin was a bit suspicious, but when Liam's thigh was pressing against mine again, I just did what he wanted me to do, trusting him enough as to not feed me anything gross.

I turned out to be right, as soon as I bit down I realized that it were strawberries and opened my eyes back up again so Liam handed me the rest, he was so sweet, he had probably bought them today because as far as I knew we hadn't had any at home, mostly because I always ate them five minutes after coming home from the store. "You're awesome, Li."

"Thank you. I would've gotten cream as well but it would have probably gotten bad in the car, so I decided that I don't wanna risk getting us sick or so." You know what, it would've been worth getting sick after this.

"That's completely fine, I like them like that as well, you probably know that already though." Might have mentioned it, twelve million times in the last eight years or so, but he still laughed while I ate the rest of my strawberry, reaching out for another. "It's my turn now, open up."

"Wha- oh… okay." His smile was really sweet as he opened his mouth so I could feed him as well, moving his hand underneath the blanket afterwards to wrap them under my knees softly and pull them across his lap before pulling the blanket over us again and resting his arms on top of my legs. "You know, I never asked you, how was your day?"

"Oh… good I guess." I just shrugged, shoving another strawberry into my mouth while thinking about how boring it had actually been, and how all I had thought about had been this moment right here. "There wasn't a lot to do, so I didn't have to drink even more coffee. Did you actually know that Harry took this picture of you?"

"Oh, yeah, he showed it to me afterwards, I wanted to complain but then you sent him that pic and he was really pissed off at me for laughing, so thank you a lot." As if it was the most normal thing in the world, he reached out with one hand and brushed something away from the corner of my mouth, all while never taking his eyes off of me or stopping to smile.

"You're welcome. He always sends me so much random stuff during the day, it's actually funny because he's working at the court and being a lawyer and all that and then I still get pictures sent by him of some puppies he saw on the sidewalk." Harry had gotten really clingy during the past few months, I didn't mean this in a bad way, we had just gotten a lot closer, with Louis as well, only he didn't like texting so much and he was more like trying not to annoy me I guess, because there had been a few days when I had not picked up the phone on purpose, I understood why they had been so worried and stuff, but my problem had been that I just hadn't wanted to tell them anything anymore, I just hadn't wanted to talk about it.

"He loves you a lot, and Louis too, I get what you said about the parent thing now, but I actually think it's really cute." I rolled my eyes at Liam when he chuckled, moving his arm up and letting it drop around my shoulders innocently.

"One time, I stayed over night at their house because it got really late, and the next thing Louis asked me if I wanted a lunch package for work. A _lunch package_ , Liam." Well, I wouldn't have minded one, I had just said no because I had been way too shocked and then I felt like if I said yes they would baby me even more afterwards. Which was hardly possible, but still.

"Aww, Niall, should I make you lunch packages too?" Maybe I would've managed to be a little mad, but he leaned his head against the backseat, laughing the most gorgeous laugh I had ever heard or seen.

"Well, it depends, would you agree to pack me sweets in there as well? Because I asked Louis the same and he told me that I shouldn't be eating sweets at work because I wouldn't be able to concentrate anymore. That was the last time I slept over at their house." Actually this had been supposed to be a joke, but then I thought about it for a while, reaching out to slip my hand into Liam's that still was on top of my legs over the blanket. Maybe I really wouldn't mind lunch packages.

"You can eat as much sweets as you want to, I'm only gonna stop you when you start feeling sick. I can't dare to have you not wanting to sleep over in our bed anymore." I liked how he said our bed, and not 'my', it completely wiped away every single bad thought I had had about lunch packages.

"That's never gonna happen, don't worry." As he leaned over to kiss me, I decided to have a little fun though, laughing as his mouth was nearly on top of mine already. "Unless Jellybeans would be able to sleep on the couch as well, I just don't wanna leave her behind."

"Niall!" Liam leaned back immediately, he didn't move his arm or his hand but he pretended to be slightly pouting, which was so cute, I nearly forgot what this had all been about simply because I got lost in his face. "That's not very nice, you know I-"

Instead of saying something now, I just cupped his face, crushing our lips together which nearly caused Liam to fall over, he also gasped into my mouth out of surprise, not kissing me back any softer though.

Actually, it got very heated very quickly, Liam moved his free hand to my hip, digging his fingers into my skin softly and making me groan slightly, I didn't plan on it, but he was just driving me crazy and having his hands on me, his taste in my mouth and his scent in my nose was making me all dizzy. I tried to not break the kiss while moving my feet off of his lap again, letting one of my hands leave his cheeks to move it down over his exposed neck softly, then down his chest, very not accidentally brushing one of his nipples while doing so until I finally reached the hem of his shirt. 

His abs were so defined as I rubbed my hands over them, Liam's grip nearly hurt now, but he quickly realized his mistake and let go again, still, I smiled against his lips as he moaned into my mouth quietly, a little louder a few seconds later as I decided that, well, we were all alone here, right, so why should I not move my hand down his jeans?

For a second, I thought he would actually let me because he moved towards me, but then suddenly, his lips were gone and there was a hand on my arm to keep me from going that bit lower. "Niall, babe… not here." 

"Why?" I had barely bothered to open my eyes, just locking our lips again for a few seconds, he kissed me back for a bit, getting my hand back out of his jeans again and holding it in his, maybe so I wouldn't try again, but I wouldn't have, I respected his wishes, I just really wanted him.

"I don't… I don't think we should, I… you're better than that." Now I did open my eyes, surprised by how much he had to fight with his words, but this was really sweet, he didn't even have one reason to look this nervous.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." Liam was completely right, I mean, I wasn't thinking about that I was better than this, I meant that it should be special and not happen in the back of a car, so I smiled, pressing my lips against his before snuggling back down against his chest. 

"It's okay, Ni. I just want it to be perfect." Instead of an answer, I kissed his neck, looking at the bruise that I had left for a little bit before cuddling back down, a shiver going through my body as I suddenly felt his breath against my ear. "But we still got the whole night."

This nearly made me wanna suggest that we should maybe drive back home right now, but then again, I wanted to appreciate this moment a little more, it had gotten quite dark outside now, the houses were all lit up and maybe if I hadn't had the blanket and my perfect, gorgeous boyfriend to warm me up, I would've already been shivering.

We stayed quiet for a bit, but it was a comfortable silence, I was nearly on top of Liam, liking that he never thought of loosening his arms just a little bit, but I must admit, it did make me a little sleepy to have his fingers brushing through my hair in even motions, and his warm arm pressing into my stomach, actually it was no wonder that I couldn't hold the yawn back anymore.

"Tired?" Liam murmured against my forehead after pressing a kiss there, all I could do was nod, rubbing my eye a little with my knuckles. "Ready to head home?"

"Yeah…" On one hand I would've liked to stay, but I had no idea how long we had actually been there, besides, Liam's face was really soft now and the thought of curling up in our own bed wasn't off putting at all.

Before I got to put my shoes on a few minutes later, Liam already had his on, he didn't even ask but wrapped me up into his arms to carry me over to the backseat, I nearly let out a shriek from how surprised I was, but then I relaxed quickly as I realized that now I wouldn't have to walk, that was a big plus.

The drive home was really nice, I got to hold Liam's hand in between mine and watch his profile the whole time, which he noticed of course, there might have been a little bit of blush in his face that nearly made me reach out, but I didn't because he only had one hand left on the wheel anyway, I guess I was fine for now with just watching him, I'd be able to resist a few more minutes.

Turned out it was like nine when we got home, I was really happy when Jellybeans came to curl around both of our legs, picking her up as Liam kissed my lips, telling me he'd quickly go and take a shower, a good idea because if he hadn't left then maybe I would've never remembered that I had nearly forgotten about the cat food again.

"Here you go." Since I heard the shower running, I didn't feel too stupid for talking to my cat, stroking her fur a little while I watched her eating, really happy for having her, she had helped me so much through all of this, unintentionally of course, but that didn't matter.

While Liam was gone, I started unpacking his suitcase a little, we hadn't had any time or we simply hadn't wanted to yesterday, but I actually didn't like to see his stuff all packed up right on the floor, I just wanted to move on from this and focus on how things were like now, because they were simply perfect.

After putting a few of his shirts away, I suddenly held a piece of clothing in my hands that I only knew too well. My hoodie, the one that I had been looking for since forever the past few months, Liam had seriously taken it with him, just like I had slept with his shirt every single night, maybe, just maybe, he had taken my hoodie to bed as well. It smelled like him, a lot actually, so it hadn't just been a mistake, this made me feel so much better.

There had been days where I had felt so bad that I thought maybe Liam had forgotten about me already, or decided that he didn't even love or miss me anymore, so knowing that he must've thought about me too made me really happy, so much in fact, I didn't notice him coming back into the bedroom, with the sweatpants from this morning again and dripping hair. 

"Sorry if you missed that one." The crooked smile on his face made my heart bump faster as I got to my feet and walked over to him, immediately being welcomed by a pair of warm, strong arms pressing me against his chest.

"That's okay. I hope you didn't miss your sleep shirt too much either." I hand never planned on telling him, instead I had put it back into the closet before driving to the airport, but now that I had said it, he laughed softly, even if his face looked kinda sad at the same time, I tried to lift the corner of his mouth with my thumb a little but he just pressed his lips against my finger.

"I didn't. I left it there for you." So Louis had been right.

"Thank you… it really helped, you know." He smelled like shampoo as I leaned a little closer, half closing my eyes as I brushed my lips over his, keeping my hands on his chest. 

"But we should still unpack the suitcase, right? It bothers me as well, actually." His hands rubbing up and down my back made me feel a little better about this, and Liam actually smiled, so this was better than having to bring it up myself. "You wanna go shower now? I'll get this cleaned up meanwhile, okay?"

"I can help." We'd be faster this way, but then Liam pecked my lips, softly shoving me through the door with the promise that he would be done when I got back, I planned in a few extra minutes under the shower, because his suitcase was really big and I didn't want him to be disappointed if he didn't make it, his face always got unbearably sad whenever something didn't work the way he had planned and it would kill me to see him forcing smiles.

It felt good to go have a shower, even if I missed Liam a little bit, I told myself that I probably needed to stop being this extremely clingy, but I just loved him so much that I couldn't help missing him after not even being away for five minutes, maybe it was just because I had had to be without him for so long though, I wanted to make up for it right at this second, which was ridiculous, but what was I supposed to do?

Stepping out of the shower, I realized that I had no clothes, not that it actually mattered, I could've also gone over naked, but I still tried to dry my hair a little before wrapping the towel around my waist, wasting a few more minutes with brushing my teeth, hoping that Liam had managed to get done by now, not for my sake, but because he had looked pretty concerned about this before.

Surprisingly enough, or maybe not, Liam was sprawled out on the bed when I got back to our room, turning all the lights off on my way so the only light source came from the lamp on his bedside table, there was no sight anymore of a suitcase or unpacked clothes, only Liam's face lightning up as I walked in. No idea if he was aware of how fucking low his pants were or that the way he had one of his arms behind his head made me think twice about whether I really wanted to get dressed right now. 

Liam obviously had the same way of thoughts, but I was too focused on looking for something to wear that I didn't get it at first. "C'mere, baby."

"I'll just get some boxer sh-"

"No, come here." The way he stretched out his arms towards me were the most tempting invitation, besides looking really cuddly right now between the pillows and the blanket, he also was extremely sexy right now, I would've never said that out loud though, he probably noticed the way my eyes were going up and down on his body anyway, at least that's what the smirk on his face told me, or maybe it was because I was being too clumsy while lying down next to him, the towel surprisingly had stayed in place. For now.

"Thanks again for the date, Li." Before I got to really cuddle up next to him, Liam was already up on his elbow and leaning over me, his hand rubbing soft circles into my lower tummy.

"Anytime for you, I'm just really glad you liked it, that's all that matters." And before I got to fully appreciate his smile, he had already lowered his lips onto mine, it seemed like my arm moved all by itself to cup the back of his neck and keep him really close, the whine I let out unintentionally obviously motivated Liam to softly open up my mouth, slipping his tongue inside.

It was all really gentle at first, something that I didn't mind, but I must admit, the fact that we were both wearing so little and Liam's hand being low, but not quite THAT low, got me really impatient, his skin was so hot as I moved my hand down his back and his side, quickly deciding that I needed to make a move since inching his sweatpants down a little didn't really help.

As I placed my hand over Liam's on my stomach, I might have felt him smiling against my lips, but as I moved it down lower until he was touching the towel, he seemed to finally get the hint. "Eager, are we?"

"Hmm." The answer was yes, but I didn't like how he had pulled away, his hand moving up and down my upper thigh now, a smirk on his lips, as I sighed, trying to sound annoyed. "No teasing today."

"I'm never teasing you, why would you say that." He was kidding, of course, because we all know how much he fucking loved to tease me and to pay him back for still not having gotten rid of that stupid towel, I pulled his sweatpants even lower unexpectedly making him let out a surprised breath against my lips as I stroked him through the material for just a second. 

"Liam…why did you want me in bed with only a fucking towel to cover me up when you don't actually do anything about it?" I wasn't actually mad, I just felt myself growing harder a little in southern regions as Liam rested his hand very close so that might have influenced me a lot.

"I'm getting there, love." Liam pecked my lips sweetly, well he planned on it, but I went with him as he tried to lean up again, so we kept on kissing, his hand still not moving anywhere even as I moved my hips a little, only sticking my hand down his sweatpants to touch his bare ass made him groan, and _finally_ he loosened my towel, moving fully on top of me now without breaking the kiss.

The fact that the only thing between us now were his pants left me really sensitive to every small touch, it was really hard to keep myself from rutting my hips up against his thigh that had ended up between my legs, on pure purpose I assume. 

His shoulders were great to hold onto, they were so broad and strong, I wished I would've gotten to appreciate it a little more though, also his weight on top of me pressing me into the mattress or one of his arms around and under me, but I was feeling slightly distracted by how he was rubbing against my meanwhile fully hard on the whole time, leaving me panting until my mouth slipped off of his. "Liamm.. I want you, it's been forever."

"Not even one day." Right, but that was not what I was trying to get him to say, I didn't open my eyes but I heard the smile in his voice, leaning his forehead against mine.

"That's too long. Please, Li, I just want to feel you." To show him that I was really desperate for him, I inched his sweatpants down even lower, well, I tried to but it was hard since he was on top of me, but the friction he caused me when moving a little maybe was enough to let him know as well.

"Hmmm." Liam said nothing at all, he simply placed a kiss on my lips before kissing down my neck, working the same spots he had this morning, I knew that because it were also the ones that drove me the most insane, and if that wasn't enough to make it hard to breathe, his hand lazily starting to jerking me off all of a sudden gave me the rest. "Do you wanna top or should I?"

"Y-You…" This question turned me on even more, I bit my lip so hard it was drawing blood while nearly ripping his hair out, accidentally letting out those embarrassing small noises while trying not to moan too loudly. I had never topped before though, I didn't know if I would even like it actually, besides, I didn't wanna hurt Liam because of me being so unexperienced with it, he was always so gentle and all I really wanted was to feel him inside of me anyway.

There would be another love bite tomorrow, a big one according to how hard he sucked, making me breathe in loudly as he started to tug on my erection faster as well. God, I couldn't take this, I was already so close to coming into his hand, it was insane what he was doing to me. 

When he let go of me, kissing down my chest now, I wanted to complain and get his hand back to where it had been before, but then again, I probably wouldn't last so I tried to just enjoy the feeling of his lips against my skin, and the things he whispered against it. "You're so beautiful, baby, I could just sit here and stare at you and I'd never get tired of it."

"Creeper…" I tried to make a joke despite his tongue on my right nipple, not a really good idea since the moan escaped me so easily now that Liam laughed softly, leaning up a little to look at me, the back of his fingers brushing over my meanwhile sweaty temple gently. 

"'m not, just telling you how it is." As he leaned over me again this time to kiss me, immediately deepening it, I finally used my chance to get rid of his sweatpants, Liam helped me to get them off completely, throwing them off the bed carelessly.

Before I got to touch him like I had wanted to the whole time, he thrusted his hips against mine, making us moan at the exact same second, we weren't even properly kissing anymore, just kinda breathing into each other's mouth. "Oh god, stop this, I'm gonna come."

"I wouldn't mind that." His laugh was a little breathless, I tried to complain when his hand wandered down between our bodies again, only this time, he wrapped it around both our hard-ons at the same time, making them rub together as he moved his fist up and down slowly.

"F-Fuck… L-Liam- ugh…" It was _so_ bloody good, I pressed my eyes shut, about to cover them with my arm but Liam stopped me, kissing both of my eyelids while panting slightly, still moving his wrist, maybe a little slower now, but that didn't mean that I didn't have to reach down and stop him. "Please. I want you completely."

"Okay." He let go of us, placing a chaste kiss on my lips and I opened my eyes again to watch him as he slowly sat up straighter again, my eyes coming to a rest on his stomach, I stroked my hand over his skin softly while he reached into the drawer, throwing a smile at me quickly before he finally pulled the items out he had been looking for. Truth be told here, I had put the condoms and the lube in there, even before he had come back, maybe I should've been embarrassed about this but you never know, right, I had had hope left that didn't disappoint me, maybe Liam would've said something about it, if he hadn't been so glad about me planning this out the first night he had been back. "Alright, tell me if you're hurt, okay?"

"Like always." I smiled as he pressed his lips onto mine again before moving down between my legs and spreading them a little further as I put them up, receiving a kiss onto my knee, watching Liam pouring lube onto his fingers and warming it up a little.

"Okay?" The fact that he was still as concerned as he had been two nights ago where just everything had been amazing was really cute, he was always so worried about whether I was alright, I felt a knot in my throat, simply sticking to nodding and letting him press my legs closer to my chest with one arm.

It went pretty fine with two fingers, he tried to be extra gentle which was a bit unnecessary actually, I told him to add another then, which he did, a little worried as always, but I guess he relaxed as I moaned his name all of a sudden, I couldn't help it when he brushed that bundle of nerves inside of me before going back to scissoring his fingers, always watching my facial expressions.

"Li… it's okay, I'm ready…" Getting those words out normally was harder than it should've been, worried whether he had even heard them because he just continued anyway for a few more minutes, finally pulling his fingers out then because I was about to come untouched onto my stomach. "It nearly didn't hurt."

"I was just making sure." As he let my legs down again, he looked like he was unsure of something before deciding to lean over me again quickly and pressing his lips to my forehead, the sweetest smile ever on his face. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Li." Watching him getting the condom and more lube onto himself made me wanna touch myself, but I held back, biting my lip again and focusing on his face instead of what he was doing with his hands, I was painfully hard now, I just wanted him to get inside me already but at the same time I loved how he always took it slow, not daring to risk hurting me in any way or for it to be over too soon, so I decided to go with it and not say something as he just placed the tip against my hole, not actually pushing in yet but looking up at me. "It's okay, do it."

I loved the fact that while slowly pushing in further, he could lean over me again finally, kissing me tenderly while I wrapped my legs around his waist to fasten things up a little, my arms around his neck again while his hands were on another expedition across my whole body.

When his hips were finally flush against mine and our chests were nearly sticking together because of the sweat, Liam tried pulling away a tiny bit, maybe so he could ask me if it hurt but I didn't let him, kissing him even harder and digging my fingernails into his skin so he would know that I just wanted him to move because I was dying here.

He got the hint, luckily, slightly pulling out again and rocking back inside, maybe to test if it really was okay, I wanted to groan in frustration, which turned out to be unnecessary as he understood what I wanted without me having to do something, going faster and deeper now, moaning into my mouth before it slipped off of mine. "Christ, Nialler… you feel so good…"

"Go f-faster…" His fingers were stroking my side now before moving down even further, wrapping around my length again and making me hiss, I was clinging to his shoulders really desperately now, not knowing how I could even survive so much pleasure all at once. "S-So good, Liam…"

"I know…I love you so fucking much, Niall, you have no idea." I did have an idea, but I couldn't do anything besides keeping his face so close that his lips brushed my skin whenever he talked, he moved his wrist faster now in time with his thrusts and I was really close, but I didn't wanna cum before him.

Being like this, all sweaty and breathless while being so close and intimidate was my my favorite thing in the whole world, I trusted Liam completely, there was nothing but pure love and adoration for him, he was always making me feel so bloody good, putting his needs behind mine and checking 100 times whether I was alright if necessary, he was perfect, truly.

"N-Ni…" His thrusts got a little sloppy, hands slipping off my length, I pulled him down to put his head between my neck and shoulder, holding him tightly as his hips jerked a bit, a low moan escaping him as he continued to move a little while riding out his high. "You're so amazing."

Liam's face was red and sweaty all over as he had his hands on either side of me, pressing a wet kiss on my lips, I almost asked him to please touch me again, but before I could even open my mouth, he pulled out of me carefully, moving down between my legs faster than I could even look. "What are you doing?"

"Making you feel good. Cum in my mouth." He had never given me a proper blow job before, it would be alright if he didn't want to, everything else felt amazing as well, but as his hot mouth enveloped my now, I thought I'd have to die from how good it felt, my eyes pressed shut again and this time no one stopped me as I covered them with my arm, moaning loudly as Liam wrapped his hand around the base, pulling the skin back to lick around the sensitive flesh and the head, I couldn't believe that he had never done this before.

"Ooh, Li… please d-don't stop, please, aaah, I l-love you, Liam, I-" When he started bobbing his head, I hardly had time to twist my fingers into his hair, trying not to make him gag by thrusting up, instead I moaned his name so loud that people sleeping three streets down were probably traumatized for their lives now, but Liam didn't seem to mind at all, his thumb stroking my hip bone softly while I bit into my hand as he worked me through my orgasm. "Wow."

"Was I even any good or are you just trying to be nice?" He chuckled as he sat up again afterwards, wiping his mouth however he didn't make a face as if he would throw up onto my stomach so that was really flattering, I stretched my arms out towards him, making grabby hands because I wanted nothing but for him to hold me right now.

"What's the matter with you, Liam, how loud do you want me screaming your name to let you know that you're driving me insane? Until my vocal cords rip? Because that would happen if I was being even louder." A really funny laugh escaped him as I said that, but I was being serious, how could he not know how amazing he made me feel. "Hold meee."

"One second." Liam quickly got a tissue to wrap the condom up and leaving it on the bedside table before getting the blanket and finally lying down on top of me again while I made sure we were covered because it was getting cold now, even if Liam's body was radiating heat and it was pressed against mine, his lips softly pressing against my temple while he brushed some hair out of my sticky forehead. "You're perfect, did you know that?"

"I'm not." It made me giggle as he poked my side a little under the blanket, the crinkles next to his eyes showing up as he laughed at me, his lips were all swollen now, his hair messed up and his whole face sweaty, just like mine probably, but he looked so beautiful like this that I couldn't help but cup his face, brushing my thumb over his cheekbone as he leaned into my touch, his hand was playing with the ring on my necklace, right above my heart.

"You are." I really didn't know what to reply because he would say that I was wrong if I disagreed, so I just let myself enjoy the little kisses he placed all over my face until I had to chuckle because his breath was tickling me and his fingertips on my sides as well and I just couldn't help it. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing." Liam was slightly amused by me though, he suddenly turned us to the side, his arm remaining under my head and the other around my waist. "You were tickling me a little."

"Really?" That cheeky grin almost made me taking it back, but Liam just tickled my side a little and I had nowhere to go but move more into him while laughing, burying my face in his neck and inhaling, he smelled even more like himself now, I loved it.

"Stooop, Liam!" Of course he didn't listen to me immediately, but as he simply laughed and wrapped his arms around me again, I could hardly move anymore as they were squished between us, only thing I was able to do was running my fingertips over his chest softly, leaning my head back as far as that was possible to look at him. "That wasn't really nice."

"Sorry, baby, I just love to hear you giggle, it's really cute." His lips were on my nose before I knew it, placing a tiny kiss. "Well, you're really cute in general." Another one on my chin. "Probably the cutest human being on earth." And yes, another one on my lips.

"Probably?" I tried to sound mad, but really, I was smiling the whole time as he continued to sprinkle my face with kisses shoving my leg between his so we could be closer and shutting my eyes and just enjoying the treatment I got, I felt so loved right now, and so safe, this right here was a perfect moment, maybe even better than the sex before, we were just lying here, as close as we could get and Liam was being the sweetest and most gentle guy on earth, like always to be honest.

Since our heads were lying right next to each other, we could look into each others eyes, with our foreheads nearly touching while I was still drawing patterns onto his chest, feeling myself getting more tired by the second until Liam noticed my eyes dropping closed once a while, he gave me a smile before kissing me. "You should go to sleep, sweetheart."

"Hmm, no, kiss me again." So he did, a few more times until I was hardly able to respond anymore and he laughed softly, catching my hand to lock our fingers between us.

"Sleep, Ni, I love you." The fact that he whispered against my lips made me even more sleepy, I allowed my eyes to close, blindly going with Liam as he leaned back so we could kiss a little longer.

"I love you too…" Hopefully he had heard that, I wasn't really sure, all I knew was that he tightened his arms and pressed his lips onto my forehead softly.

"Sweet dreams, baby, I'll make sure there are no nightmares tonight." I was nearly gone or maybe I would've asked him what he meant, because he had only experienced me having a nightmare one time… right? 

To my surprise, the only thing I dreamed about that night was Liam saying yes in front of the altar.

 

———

 

A month full of this passed by really quickly, we fell into a routine, a really nice one, I usually was the first one up so whenever I wasn't too lazy to get out of bed or when I actually managed to get out of Liam's comfortable arms and away from his gorgeous face, I made breakfast in bed, because we both loved to spend a little more time together in the morning before work.

Sometimes, when there was enough time, we took a shower together, Liam usually had to leave earlier than I did, so sometimes, I just drove to school with him and then walked from there over to the studio, just because I needed those fifteen minutes longer. It was like before he had left, when I always took the bus because I was scared something might happen to him and if he really got into an accident, then I had thought it would be better if we both died. It kinda was like this now, but I was also anxious about not being with him because I was still scared sometimes that this was all just a dream.

The nightmares hadn't stopped, Liam had to calm me down about three times in those four weeks because I was crying so much that it woke him up, but most of the time I managed to go back to sleep by myself again.

We actually had off at the same time a lot, except for every second saturday because I had to work there, it was heaven because we went out to eat a lot or we went to the movies in the evenings, or sometime we just hung out at home and did nothing at all, we still were best friends and that's what was so great about it, best friends with a little more. 

The thing about the wedding didn't come up so often anymore, I felt like Liam held back because he felt like he was stressing both of us out but I knew how important it was for him that we told our parents, even if none of us ever called them or even considered doing it, we were actually shitting our pants.

So one time when I was home alone waiting for Liam to come home from school, just lying around on the couch watching boring soaps, my phone started vibrating on the table, I contemplated whether it was worth to lean forward and pick up now, but it could've been Liam, so I left my comfortable position, immediately leaning back again as soon as I got it.

My heart nearly stopped as I stared at the screen. My mother.

Wow, no, I wasn't ready for this, I hadn't planned anything out, I didn't have a script, what was I supposed to do she hadn't called me in forever, if we left out the five minute call on my birthday five weeks ago, but I could just not pick up or she'd maybe come here and check on me.

I decided to hold my breath and just be completely normal. "Niall! How are you, honey?"

"H-Hi mum, ummm…" Well, there goes the being normal part. "I'm well? How are you and… everyone else." I had forgotten her boyfriend's name, could you believe that?!

"Oh, we're all really good, Ni. How's Liam? What are you guys up to, everything alright with you? How's college?" The good thing was that there were so many question that maybe I could just ignore the last one.

"Liam's really good, I'm at his place right now actually, you know, I-"

"Is he in the room with you? Maybe I could say hi." Shit.

"No, he's… he's not home, I'm just waiting here, he's umm… at work, you know, school and stuff, yeah." Why was I saying that, seriously, I was just blurting out bullshit because I couldn't think straight anymore after imaging that she would've called during the time that Liam had been gone, luckily she had only written me e-mails, and it was quite easy to lie through those.

"So you guys are… still close, yeah?" The change in her voice wasn't really noticeable, but I heard it, and it just made me even more nervous, I wanted Liam to come home and let me cuddle with him while doing this. "I'm just asking because you're at his place when he's not there and all."

"Yeah, he's my best friend, mum, so…. I got a key to his flat and umm…yeah." Maybe I should've told her that I had moved in but the words wouldn't leave my mouth neither did 'I quit college', 'Liam's my boyfriend' and 'We're engaged', this was too much for me.

"Oh, right, I just didn't know whether you guys are still close and all, I was just wondering, is he still seeing his girlfriend?" My hands formed into fists for no reason at all, Sophia and Liam were over since forever and me and him would get married so no idea why the jealousy hit me all of a sudden.

"No, they broke up umm… a long time ago actually." Very long, since more than a year now.

"What about you, honey? Are you seeing anyone? I never got to meet any of your girlfriends, you always only told me about them." Yeah, and then I had broken up with them again after a few weeks, sometimes it had only been days, because I couldn't stand the thought of being with someone that wasn't Liam and then coming back here and spending time with him, making me realize that I would never be able to love somebody else to such an extend.

"Well… I wasn't so good with relationships when I had been younger, so…" Maybe if I ignored the question she'd let it drop, but who was I even kidding right, I couldn't talk myself out of this anymore, I had to tell her.

"So are you seeing anyone or not?" I closed my eyes at this, wanting to say that YES, I was fucking seeing the most gorgeous boy in the world, but I kept quiet, hearing her laugh, as if destroying my life was really funny. "I knew it. Who is it, Niall? You can tell me, come on, you're twenty years old, there's nothing embarrassing about this anymore."

"Mum, I…" How did people do this? Do they just burst out with it like 'I'm gay, or maybe I'm not, I never figured it out but I'm with a guy and we're gonna get married and guess what it's the one that used to babysit me when I was a child.'. Yeah, sounded totally normal. "I gotta tell you something…"

"What's the matter, Ni? Did anything happen?" I wished she would've just asked me whether I was gay or bi actually, but she didn't even think that I could be not straight, so this was making everything a little harder.

"I… I am seeing someone and… I need you to not freak out before I get to explain, okay?" No idea what I wanted to explain, I had jumped up by now, walking around and trying to calm down, I also picked up Liam's and my pillow as I walked by the bedroom, pressing it to my chest.

"Oh, Niall, what have you gotten yourself into? Is she like.. a stripper?" God.

"No, mum, it's… it's not like that, okay-"

"Did she give you some disease?!" I wanted to cry right now, and then hang up to call Liam and ask him to come home right now because I needed him so much it was insane.

"No, listen-"

"IS SHE PREGNANT?" This was really enough now, maybe it was because she had cut me off so often and just jumped to so many wrong conclusions that I wanted to hit something, so I just blurted it out.

"No, mum, it's not a SHE, it's a guy, okay?" There was silence, but it felt a little better to have it out now, even if the worst part was just to come, I curled up on the couch again, pressing my face into the pillow now and inhaling deeply because it had been the side Liam had slept on tonight.

"Oh, well that's… I mean… I never knew that… you were gay." Her voice sounded kinda dead, I wondered if she was disappointed in me now, I had never worried about things like that because I hadn't thought that I'd ever get to be with Liam anyway.

"I'm not, I'm… bi, I guess, but I… I've been with a lot of girls but this is the first time with a guy, so umm…" Blurred memories of the two nights with the guy at the bar popped up suddenly, I locked them very far away, I had never wanted to think about making those mistakes again. I had slept with guys before Liam, one night stands only though, so I didn't count it as 'being together'.

"But… isn't he jealous if you're at Liam's place then? I mean, Liam's a great looking guy, isn't he?" Now or never.

"Mum… my boyfriend is, umm… it's Liam." If THIS had been so hard, then what would telling her about the wedding be?

I held my breath, for a long time actually because my mum didn't say anything for way longer as I would consider a normal reaction to this. Wow, this was like a stab, somehow I had hoped that she'd be happy for me, guess I had been wrong. "Liam?! Liam Payne? OUR Liam Payne?"

No mine. "Yes, mum."

"Since when?! Niall, this is… I mean… don't you think it's weird, I mean… what is he even thinking, you're so much younger and… are you sure this is a good idea? Does his mother know? Does anyone know? You guys… he used to come over and babysit you, don't you think that this is… weird?" Here we had the reason why I hadn't wanted to call, I had known that this would happen, I had fucking known it and now I still had tears burning in my eyes, fuck.

"No, I don't. We love each other, mum and I… I used to crush on him when I was little but now it's like… it's serious. And it's not weird, five years is not much of an age difference now. It's not weird at all." It's perfect, but I didn't say that because I was both pissed and disappointed now, I just wanted Liam.

"Niall… I really don't know what to say about this, I know how close you and him alway were but this is just… wow. Did you… did you move in with him? Is that why you're at his flat?" Her voice was undefinable, but all I knew was that she did not approve of this and that was enough for me, I didn't need to hear her opinion on this if she was so biased, seriously, I should've just hung up right there.

"Yeah… it's just, I… I was here all the time anyway." Hopefully she wouldn't ask again about how long we had been together and how this had happened, I didn't wanna say that it was just one month or talk about Liam going away, I just wished I would've never picked up my phone.

"Niall, are you really serious about this, do you really think you're old enough for moving in together already? You're still in college and Liam is 25, he's got a real job and all." I did too, got fucking damn it.

"Mum… I… I quit college." There was the next bomb dropped, only one more to go, I mean at least now she wouldn't have to try and tell me that I was too young for Liam anymore or-

"YOU DID WHAT?! NIALL JAMES HORAN YOU DID NOT JUST TELL ME THAT YOU QUIT COLLEGE! DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE, YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET A JOB, YOU-"

"I have a job, mum! I work full-time at-"

"DON'T YOU INTERRUPT ME!" I had had to hold the phone a little away because of how loud the yelling was, she took a deep breath now though, which made nothing better except for that maybe I wouldn't have to cut my ear off, now she just sounded really cold and hateful. "You will go back, Niall, I don't care whatever you think, that you're a grown up and think that it's cool to be a drop out because it's not!"

"I'm not going back, mum, I got a job." Now I really couldn't tell her about the engagement anymore, seriously, I could hardly even stop my tears from spilling over, not even Jellybeans bumping her head into my arm because she wanted to be pet cheered me up.

"What kind of a job? Can't be a good one if they chose to give it to you! Who put this into your head? What is wrong with you? Is this because of Liam? Are you trying to be grown up now because of him? Did HE tell you to drop out?!" She didn't even leave me one second to give an answer, or THINK of one, no she just yelled and meanwhile my tears spilled over but when she started to blame Liam, I just snapped, no one could blame him for anything because if it wasn't for him, I'd be fucking miserable right now and depressed as well and then I wouldn't even have a job, not even talking about a college degree.

"No, mum, he did NOT tell me to drop out, he wanted me to stay there as well, alright, it was my decision, I wasn't happy and I love my job and if you think that I'm really so dumb then hang up right now because you don't even care about what's going on in my life, so don't try to tell me what to do now, I AM a grown up, I'm twenty years old and I know what I'm doing and what I want!" It was a surprise that my voice didn't break because I was full on crying now, curling up around the pillow, wishing that Liam would just come home earlier one time. 

"No, you do not know what you're doing! If Liam couldn't keep you from staying there then he's obviously doing something wrong and he's not good for you, if he would really love you he wouldn't have let you throw your future away like that, he was always there for you, but-"

"Did you just tell me that he doesn't actually love me?! How would you know that?!" I actually stopped crying for a second because I couldn't fucking believe this, sure, she was mad, but why would she possibly say something like that?

"I'm just saying, you're both really young and maybe you think that you're in love with him but you can't know that and what are you gonna do when he leaves you, huh? You probably have a badly payed job and no place to stay anymore after he kicks you out!" Enough was enough.

"Mum, he's not gonna kick me out. He wouldn't do that to his fiancé." I shouldn't have said it like that, and while being so mad and sarcastic, I just wanted to shock her and make her shut up.

It worked, for half a second, and then I was really happy for already holding the phone away a centimeter. "NIALL, YOU WILL NOT-"

The rest would stay forever a secret because I just hung up, throwing my phone at the end of my couch before falling to my side, still clutching the pillow to my chest, wetting it with tears now.

This wasn't fair, this had gone even worse than I would've ever expected! Who would say such things, Liam wouldn't leave me, I was old enough to know that I wanted to be with and no one else, and I trusted him, we would get married and nobody could tell me that I couldn't. 

My phone vibrated a few more times, I didn't check nor did I attempt to sit up, I couldn't talk to my mother again now, she wouldn't drive here because she didn't like to be in the car for so long and her boyfriend didn't have time for that because he was busy with his job, so if I never picked up again, we would most likely not talk to each other anymore for a very long time. And hell, I for sure wouldn't pick up to get yelled at even more.

What if Louis and Harry freaked out too? What if Liam's parents would be mean like that as well? I was so scared now, not because any of them would've been able to change my mind, but I didn't like getting yelled at like this and most of all getting disappointed by the people I thought cared about me.

The only thing calming me down was that I knew for a 100% that Liam would definitely not leave me or kick me out, and he'd be home soon and then everything would be alright because I didn't need anyone besides him anyway.

Actually I had wanted to make dinner for when Liam came home, but I didn't move from my spot on the couch, just crying to myself because I didn't know what to do now, I had had so many hopes that maybe my mum would just be a little happy for me and now look at me crying, this was bullshit, so what, then she just shouldn't come, not like I cared.

When I heard the door open, I tried to swallow my sobs down, and also the guilt for letting myself go like this and not even managing to make dinner, I was such a bad boyfriend.

"Baby, I'm home!" Liam sounded so happy, I heard him dropping his bag and probably taking his shoes off before he walked around, looking for me, I wanted to answer, but somehow I didn't. "Niall, are you home? Ni, where are y- oh…"

Since I was lying with my face towards the back of the couch while burying it in the pillow, he probably thought that I was asleep because his footsteps got a lot more quiet, as if he was trying to be extra careful, also, he had stopped talking.

When I felt his hand rubbing my arm and his lips placing a kiss in my hair, I wanted to just get up and hug him while bawling my eyes out and getting comforted, but instead I didn't say anything at all, trying to find comfort in his soft strokes until suddenly his hand was gone and I heard something zipping that I couldn't identify until it got a lot warmer. He had tugged me in with his hoodie, great, so much about not wanting to cry anymore.

"Liam…" I thought it had been too quiet to hear but I immediately felt him sitting on the edge of the couch, placing his hand on my arm again, rubbing gently.

"I'm here, Niall, are you awake?" Instead of giving an answer, I just wiggled around until I was lying on my back, holding onto his hoodie though and looking up just in time to see Liam's face falling as he probably saw my red and wet face, because he immediately reached out to stroke my cheek gently. "What's wrong, babe? What happened?"

No idea how to tell him this, it would hurt him as well and I didn't want that to happen, but I kinda had no choice so I put my hand over his that had slipped onto my stomach while I had turned. "I… my mum… she called before and, well…"

"Not good?" Liam caught on immediately, his face was all worried now and while I stared up at him, I just couldn't help it but break out into tears again like the baby I was while shaking my head, trying to cover my face with my hands but Liam kept them in his, not letting me hide from him. "Oh, baby. What did she say?"

I was just shaking my head pathetically, not knowing how to say it so I sat up, pulling my legs to my chest and having Liam next to not a second later, with his arms around me, soothingly rubbing my shoulder while his lips were placing kisses everywhere he could reach.

"Niall, shh, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, remember? She was probably just really surprised, in a few days she'll calm down again and you just call her again and talk about it, I promise, baby, it's gonna be okay, hey, shsh." All I wanted do do right now was sit on his lap like I used to when I had been younger, I know that I couldn't be too heavy since he carried me around like it was nothing, so I didn't spending much of a thought and just started moving towards him while trying to stop the tears from spilling over.

To my surprise, Liam got what I was on about, he loosened his arms a little, pulling a little until I landed right in his lap, if I made myself a little smaller by half lying, it worked pretty good for me to snuggle my head down into his shoulder, feeling him putting his hoodie over me again before wrapping me up in his arms, rocking us slightly.

"You don't have to tell me, you know, I just wanna help you, babe. It's killing me when you're feeling bad." I had said nothing until now so Liam was starting to sound quite desperate, this made me feel even worse, I shouldn't tear him down just because I wasn't able to stop bawling over silly things, so I actually tried to take a breath, his scent calmed me down a little, he smelled like aftershave as I nuzzled my nose just beneath his jaw, I loved it.

"Well… I-I didn't wanna pick up, but then I did, you know a-and… she just started asking me questions, about you and whether I was seeing someone and… eventually I just told her that it was you." At this point I wouldn't have been left crying, she hadn't handled it really well, but at least she hadn't yelled at me or made up stupid stuff about Liam not loving me.

"She didn't like it, did she?" His voice sounded quite sad, which I understood, I would've been really sad about his mum telling him that she didn't want us together.

"W-Well, she didn't mind like… that much, she just… went on about how I'm so young and shit but then… then I said that I dropped out of college because I haven't told her yet and she yelled so loud that I nearly had to put the phone down…" Liam's body was tense under me, but his kisses were still soft and so were his hands stroking my hair softly and up and down my back. "She just… she blamed you for everything and then she said that I'm fucking dumb and that my job must really suck if they gave it to me. And she also said that…"

"Said what, Ni?" I had stopped because I didn't wanna say it out loud, Liam was just whispering into my hair now.

"She… she just said that you probably don't love me anyway and that you're gonna leave me and I'll be left with a shitty job and no place to stay once you kick me out… I just told her that you wouldn't do that to your fiancé and she wanted to forbid me to marry you, so I hung up. But my phone vibrated a few times afterwards, I ignored it though, I'm never gonna pick up again. I hate her for saying those things about you." Thinking about how Liam had actually not seen her in years made all of this even more ridiculous. 

"Why would she think that I don't love you? Or kick you out? I don't think I have ever done anything to cause such an expression of me. I love you so much it hurts, Niall, I hope you know that, I would never kick you out, hell, I wanna spend every day for the rest of my life with you." I probably shouldn't have told him, but it felt better to share it and having Liam trying to calm me down, his voice wasn't so soft anymore though. 

"I know, Liam, I feel exactly the same. She said it because of me dropping out of college and then she said something like that you probably don't care about me if you just let me quit like that. It's so stupid." It really was, Liam hadn't even been there to stop me first of all and secondly, he HAD kept me there for a whole year before already.

"Well, that really is stupid, but Niall, you were unhappy and if I had been here when you decided to quit, I would've tried to change your mind, but if you wanted to leave I would've just hoped that you'll feel better afterwards and not said a word about it anymore. I care about you, Niall, because even though college might me the right thing to do for a lot of people, it just wasn't for you and I'll respect that, as long as you're alright, just do whatever you want, babe." I nearly started to cry all over again, instead I lifted my head a little and Liam used the chance to dry my cheeks with his thumbs, his face still looked really sad and I hated to know that my words had been the cause for that.

"I wish you'd tell my mum that." Not sure if I really wanted them talk, actually no, I just wanted to forget this.

"I can call her." Liam offered, but I immediately shook my head, kissing his lips because I was really desperate for any kind of touch right now even tough he was holding me already.

"No. She would just yell at you and then insult you and I don't want that because you did nothing wrong." Even if he had done something wrong I wouldn't want that, Liam didn't deserve that, he was the cutest guy alive and he was always trying so hard to be there for me, no one could just tell me that he didn't even love me.

I moved to straddle his lap instead, feeling his hands on my hips as I wrapped my arms around his neck to press our foreheads together. "She's gonna tell my mum probably."

"Oh shit. Sorry, Liam, I didn't think about that, I'm so sorry, I know you wanted to tell her yourself, I should've asked you first. I'm sorry." Great, why was I always so bloody selfish?

Liam actually smiled, I had pulled away a bit to apologize, so he kissed my forehead softly to stop me, rubbing my side softly. "It's alright, babe. I don't even know if I would've ever had the courage to do so actually, so I'm a little glad I won't have to think about it anymore. I just hope that she'll take it better."

"What if she doesn't?" I was whispering, playing with the soft hair in the back of Liam's neck, this really got me scared, I just didn't see why it was such a big deal, I mean, maybe I understood the college thing but then again, I wasn't just lying around lazily now without a job.

"Then nothing, they don't have to come or approve, do they? We're old enough, we can do whatever we want, our families haven't been really… supportive during the last few years, so why should they have any right to intervene now?" He was an actual angel, the smile on his face before he leaned forward to kiss me gave me butterflies, sometimes just a look from him was enough to make that happen.

"You think they gonna tell Louis' and Harry's family too?" How much fun would that be, none at all.

"Hmm… no, I don't think they still talk or even know that they're our best friends. No one's ever asked me about Harry's and LouIs' wedding either so I assume since they haven't been invited they also don't know about it." His breath was all over my face while he talked because he took breaks in between just to kiss my cheekbone, my nose, my chin and even my eyebrow.

"I hope you're right. I don't want them to hear from anyone but us." Most of all, I was scared that they would get mad at us as well, I couldn't take that, because I needed them too much, no idea what I'd do without Harry texting me constantly whenever Liam wasn't there or Louis calling me randomly every few days just to ask me how I was doing and invite me over, or us now. We had been at their house two more times ever since Liam had gotten back, it had been nice to not have to keep distance to Liam anymore, even if the ring was pressing hard into my skin the whole time.

"Should we tell them?" Yes, but at the same time, no.

"I gotta think about what to say first in case they don't like it either, I… I'm not prepared for them to be mad at me." The shiver going through my body was probably really noticeable, I quickly tried to distract Liam by stroking the hair out of his forehead and smiling slightly, it was very easy to do so since I was always happy in his presence.

"They won't get mad, not at you." I hated when he did this, why would he think that people were gonna hate him just because he had done what he thought would save our friendship? Neither Louis nor Harry had ever talked bad about him or tried to blame him for anything happening.

"They either get mad at both of us or at no one. Let's not talk about his for a bit please, I just wanna forget about today." Erasing it from my mind if possible was probably the best thing to do, only I had a feeling I wouldn't manage to do it, it was getting to me too much.

"But today can still be good." A smirk appeared on Liam's face as he pressed me closer into him, his hoodie slipping as he lifted my shirt a little so he could rub his hands over my skin which made me tremble slightly as I held on tighter to him.

"No, it can't, I didn't make any dinner." This made Liam laugh before he just locked our lips again, using the chance that mine were parted slightly to deepen the kiss immediately and I sighed into his mouth, relief washing over me because I had missed him so much today at work and then at home, so feeling him this close was immediately taking some weight off of me.

We kissed longer than I would've thought, Liam actually moved to push me on my back, even if pushing was the wrong word because he put me down so gently as if I was made out of glass, never taking his lips off of mine, my shirt slipping a little higher in the process.

Maybe this would've turned into a little more because I wrapped my legs around his waist, desperately holding onto his shoulders to make sure he stayed as close as I wanted him to be, but my stomach growling loudly made his mouth slip off because he had to laugh and I, well I turned quite red, trying to catch my breath a little. "Sorry…"

"What for?" Liam was still chuckling, kissing my cheek before softly unlocking my legs from his so he could lie between them, slipping down so he was face to face with my exposed stomach.

"What'cha doing?" I was a little embarrassed because not going to the gym anymore kinda had it's affects and my belly was almost looking like it had before, also, I think I had eaten a little too much during the past month, on the other hand I was happy about that, because when I had been alone, I often felt so bad that I couldn't eat at all and when I forced myself to, I had to puke. Not that I would ever tell Liam that, it's not like I was fat and he could still carry me easily, but it was a bit unfair because he still looked like a model.

"Nothing." He smiled at me before softly kissing my tummy and making me twist my fingers into his hair, I thought of pushing him off because I didn't know what he thought about me slowly losing my muscles a little, but then he nuzzled his face against my skin, placing another kiss above my belly button. 

"You could at least pretend that my stomach isn't as soft." But I laughed anyway because his breath against my skin was tickling me and he noticed, the smile becoming a bit wider.

"But I like it like this, you know. Don't talk about it like it's a bad thing or as if you're fat, you're perfect, Ni, and you still weigh about 10kgs less than me and I just like your tummy, okay? And I like when it's soft, which shouldn't mean that I didn't like it before, but I rather have you spending your time with me than going to the gym. Besides, there's no need for you to go there." After this he just placed more kisses, and I didn't know what to say anymore because I was so happy that he still found me attractive, which was stupid to think because I hadn't even changed, but still, sometimes I was a little self-conscious.

The embarrassing part was when my stomach growled again and I wanted to slap myself, but Liam laughed sweetly, placing one more kiss before pulling my shirt back down and crawling up to me, connecting our lips softly. "Come on, babe, I'll take you out to eat."

"I could also still cook something." I felt a little guilty, he literally always payed when we went out, and I promise I didn't accidentally leave my wallet at home or just left it in my pocket, I really tried to pay sometimes but he wouldn't let me.

"Whatever you want." We kissed again, shortly though, because I didn't really know whether my stomach would finally keep quiet.

"I'll cook." As I put my hands onto his chest to push a little, he immediately got off of me and up, stretching both his arms out to help me getting onto my feet as well, the smile still plastered all across his face.

"Okay, I'll help." He wasn't a skilled cook, and I knew what 'helping' really stood for, but I kissed his cheek anyway and thanked him before slipping my hand into his, happy, simply because he was happy.

My theories turned out to be right, of course, at first Liam tried to actually help, but he nearly made me panic by almost cutting his finger so I quickly took the knife out of his hands as if he was a child and he laughed. From there on, all he did was hugging me from behind and sometimes when he really wanted to distract me, placing kisses all over my cheek and down my neck to my shoulder, sucking gently whenever I weakly protested, so then I shut up and closed my eyes for a second to enjoy it for a bit, trying to focus again afterwards.

Even though I nearly burned our food, I wouldn't want Liam to stay away next time, secretly, I really loved this, and he knew.

 

———

 

_"It's really hard for me to tell you this…" I looked up, confused because Liam's voice had changed so much all of a sudden, he didn't look as if it was hard for him at all though._

_"What's the matter?" As I stood to walk over to him, he backed away as I tried to reach out and hug him. This really hurt. "Liam, what's up?"_

_"You know… I've done some thinking lately and… and I think your mum is right." My blood turned to ice at this, what the hell was he saying, we were gonna get married and he came to tell me something like this?!_

_"What the hell are you talking about? Are you being serious?" This must be a really bad joke, sadly, Liam sighed, obviously thinking about reaching out for me but then he let his arms fall to his side again._

_"Look… I think we took things too fast and… you know, at first when I came back seeing you was so intense that maybe… maybe I felt more in love with you than I actually am." Why didn't he even look fucking sorry?! I couldn't believe that he was saying this, he was my everything and he knew it, he had promised me to never leave again!_

_"You don't love me anymore?" My voice sounded dead, I didn't wanna hear another word, I just wanted him to kiss me and tell me that he was kidding. It didn't look like he would ever do that again._

_"I didn't say that…. I do love you, but… as best friend." Exactly the words that he had said the night after Louis' and Harry's wedding, the exact same._

_"You… You don't wanna marry me? You wanna leave me?! Just like that, you just leave again, like-"_

_"Don't blame me for this, I'm just being honest with you!" The yelling came out of nowhere, I backed away immediately, tears about to spill over any second while I shook my head to myself, I couldn't believe that this was happening right now. "Why are you crying right now? God, you always have to play the victim, don't you?"_

_"W-Why are you being so mean?" Liam actually looked ANNOYED by me right now, he had fucking destroyed my world and he dared to snap at me, where was MY Liam?_

_"I'm not mean, Niall, I'm just telling you how it is. Maybe you should move out, we're too young for this, we should've listened to your mum all along, I think… I think we shouldn't see each other for a while." WHAT?!_

_"B-But… y-you s-said I'm your b-best friend…" Didn't look like it anymore, there were so many tears streaming down my face that I didn't even bother wiping them anymore, I wouldn't survive this, my breathing got harder already._

_"I gotta figure this out first." His face had gone hard again and I had no idea why or what to say or think, I just wanted to sob and throw myself into his arm but he would push me away._

_"You said you loved me…" Was all that I could whisper, more to myself than to him. "You can't just leave me… please, don't, we can… figure this out and-"_

_"No, we can't, Niall, I made my decision, alright? I'll even help you pack." My knees had turned into jelly, I felt like I would ruin the carpet any moment with the insides of my stomach._

_"Please no… please, Liam, don't leave me, I'm sorry for whatever I did, please I can't live without you-"_

_"Niall, baby." This confused me, why was he calling me that if he wanted to leave me? Maybe, if I hadn't been busy sobbing and burying my face in my hands, hoping to suffocate, I would've looked up. "NIALL!"_

 

I sat up with a gasp, my face was all wet and cold, my stomach was twisting into knots as I let out another involuntary sob, reaching around in the dark and with a blurred sight until my hands met something soft and warm that I could later identify as Liam's hands. He sat up next to me immediately, moving to wrap me up in his arms while murmuring that it was alright and that he was here, but before he got to really hug me, I pushed his arms away to get up and out of the bed, half running over to the bathroom.

"Niall, what are you doing?!" His panicked voice made me feel really bad for leaving him just like that, but there were still tears streaming down my face and to top it all off, I was crying so hard that I felt like I had to throw up, this hadn't happened in a while, but as soon as I was leaned over the toilet, I was already puking my guts out.

It just made me cry even more, the dream was still so fresh, Liam had heard me and now to top it all off, I had to vomit.

"Oh god." Liam sounded even more desperate now, I wanted to tell him to get out because it was gross, but even if I would've been able top stop myself from throwing up then I was pretty sure all that would've left my mouth would've been sobs. "I'm here, babe, it's all good, I'm taking care of you, it was just a dream before, I'm not leaving you, I love you."

So I had sleep talked again, fucking shit. I felt a warm hand on my bare back and Liam sitting down behind me, comforting me with kisses onto the back of my neck and my shoulder blades, one arm around my stomach, not too tightly though, I assume he didn't want to make me even sicker.

"You'll feel better afterwards, I promise, Niall. I'm here, okay? There's no need to cry, I will never ever leave you. Never." He repeated himself, I could hear how tight his voice sounded but I couldn't exactly do anything about it, not even as I was finally done and leaned up weakly to flush the toilet before leaning my head in between one of my arms around the toilet bowl, not capable of talking. "Come here, Ni, I'll make it better."

No idea if he thought that I was gross right now, but he still reached out to get some toilet paper to wipe my mouth with, one arm always remaining around me while I was sitting between his legs, his warm stomach pressing into my back as I leaned back a little. "I'm sorry…"

"No, you're not, it's not your fault, sweetie, it's all good." It wasn't because he had head everything I had said in my dream and now we were on the bathroom floor and all I could do was press my face against his neck, shivering slightly even though he wrapped both his arms around me tightly, tucking his chin over my head. "I'm so sorry that you had a nightmare again, I thought they wouldn't come back, I'm so sorry, baby, I couldn't get you to wake up and you were crying so much."

"I-It's okay…" As I sniffed a little, Liam sighed deeply, I never wanted him to know what those nightmares were about, he probably knew it since he had heard me talking, but not all of it, he didn't know about the pure desperation I felt while dreaming and also not how scared I sometimes was that one day, it might not be a dream to wake up from anymore.

"No, it's not, I know why you have them and I'm so sorry, Nialler, so fucking sorry and I don't know what to do because this is all my fault, and every night when we go to sleep I pray that you'll be able to sleep through and I hope it helps when I'm holding you so you know that I'm here." This was why I didn't wake him up whenever it happened, the talk with my mum had triggered the nightmare right now and maybe also Liam's mum texting him before when we had had dinner, saying that they needed to talk, but I couldn't hurt him even more and tell him what happened in my dreams exactly, it was bad enough that he even knew about them.

"It does help when you hold me, thank you…" Really, the times when I slept through were the ones when Liam and me stayed wrapped up into each other the whole night, but we both moved a lot in our sleep, so I rolled out of his arms a lot.

"Not really. Niall… whenever… whenever I don't get woken up by you having a nightmare… do you still sometimes have one? And then don't wake me up?" His voice sounded scared now, I should've lied but I just couldn't bring myself to, it felt too exhausting to even open my mouth, so I just said nothing at all. "Niall, please, how often does this happen? I can't… I just wanna help you, why are you not waking me up, babe? Why don't you want me to know?"

"Because…" He was blaming himself, and I couldn't even say that it wasn't true because it happened ever since he had left, but he hadn't wanted any of this and it would be unfair to put such a weight on him. But he still deserved the truth, I pressed a small kiss against his neck, whispering against his skin "Because I don't want you to hurt."

"But _you_ are hurting." I was, but I still shook my head anyway as I lifted it from his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his neck as I looked at him, he seemed incredibly sad and guilty, I hated it.

"I'm okay. They're just dreams. I know you're not gonna leave me again." And even if I knew, I was still scared about it happening.

His hand against my cheek was really cooling my hot skin, I closed my eyes for a second to enjoy it, not wanting to open them up again and see how much this was getting to him. "But if you dream about it… you must be scared that it'll happen and it's killing me. I know that I have done nothing to still deserve your trust, but please believe me, Niall, whatever you dream about me at night, I'm not that guy, it's not real and it never will be, I love you so much and I would NEVER leave you."

"I know, Liam, I do trust you, I really do. There's no need to talk about it because I know that you're not that guy in my nightmares and I'm sorry you have to listen to whatever I'm saying. Just because I dream about it, it doesn't mean that I don't trust you or that I think that it's gonna happen. They're just dreams, nothing more." Bloody realistic dreams that made me cry and throw up, but I forced myself to smile at him now, pressing a kiss to his forehead before remembering that maybe, I should wash my mouth. "Can you help me up?"

"Sure…" He seemed to be deep in thoughts as he held my waist tightly while I got up, keeping his arm around my stomach as I leaned over the sink to spit some water out, drink a little, but it didn't help to get rid of the taste and I also didn't want Liam to be disgusted, so I reached out for my toothbrush. "Hey… sit here, okay?"

When he realized what I was doing, he sat on the edge of the bathtub, softly grabbing my hips to pull me back into his lap while I brushed my teeth, it made me smile a little, for real this time, but he didn't see because I slipped down a little to put my head onto his shoulder again, enjoying his arm around me and how he was gently drawing patterns with his free hand, goose bumps rising on my bare skin, we were both only wearing boxer shorts and I really enjoyed his skin against mine, which was also why we were both shirtless.

Liam didn't say much while I continued to brush my teeth, he kissed my cheek a little, cuddling me, but besides that, we didn't talk and I could sense that he was really worried because of before, I blamed myself for this, I shouldn't have been so loud, usually I managed to not wake him up either, so why today?

When I was done, he didn't let go again, not even letting me take a step before already lifting me up into his arms and cradling me to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck again, not complaining today, or pretending to, because as I watched his face while he walked, all I could see was desperation.

"Liam… " I gently started as he put me down into the bed, his lips brushing my forehead as he rearranged the blanket before lying beside me, avoiding my eyes, even as he pulled me into his arms. "Look at me."

We were lying face to face, my palm pressed to his cheek as he finally met my eyes, they were all shiny and wet. "What?"

"It's not your fault. I'm okay, I-"

"Will you wake me next time?" It was just a question but I heard the bitterness, he knew that I wouldn't, we both did, iI really wish I could've said yes as I saw how close he was to crying and how his thumb was rubbing circles into my hipbone, I loved him so much, and that's why I couldn't.

"I'm gonna be fine, it's usually not as bad as tonight." Which was a lie, I felt really bad as I pressed my lips against his to distract him, he kissed back for a little before pulling away again while I still stroked his cheek softly, feeling the stubble that I loved so much under my fingertips.

"I don't care how bad it is, it's still bad enough and I just wanna be there for you and hold you, you shouldn't go through this alone when I was the reason to cause this, I don't want that." It was so Liam to say this, he really meant this and it made me sigh, I really hated lying to him, I hardly ever did, only if it was about stuff like this, stuff that would hurt him.

"But I don't have them so often anymore, Li, it was just tonight because of my mum, I'm fine and I love you, none of this is your fault." He probably noticed how I just ignored him asking me to wake him up next time, trying to change the topic by kissing him again, he even let me push him onto his back and move on top of him, straddling his waist while he held onto mine, I would do about everything now to make him feel better and forget about this, so when I felt myself running out of oxygen, I started to place open mouth kisses down his throat and chest until he sighed.

"Niall…" It was unfair to distract him like this, I felt that he wanted to say something, but he also enjoyed my touches, so I came back up, pecking his lips again softly before just pulling away far enough to be able to speak, his lips brushing against mine as I whispered.

"Make love to me." The clock next to our bed read 1:15 am and tomorrow was a weekday, but it was pretty clear that neither of us would be able to sleep anytime soon again, as Liam groaned in frustration and closed the gap between our lips, I knew that I had won.

 

————

 

That night had left an impact on Liam, I knew because when I woke up a few hours later in the morning, the bed was empty, which was weird because usually Liam would be late for work every day if I didn't wake him up, a lot of the time with breakfast, but sometimes also with kisses. It did make me feel a little panicked to wake up without him next to me, but I tried to be calm, his clothes from yesterday were hanging over the edge of the bed, of course he was here.

So as I rolled out of bed, feeling cold as I remembered that I was naked, so I quickly put on some of Liam's sweatpants before going on a little search for my boyfriend, the shower wasn't running, so there was only one room left where he could be in the morning.

At the sight in the kitchen, I leaned against the doorframe a little, smiling slightly as I watched his bare, muscular back and my favorite sweatpants on him, simply because they were too big and always hanging too low, besides, he was never wearing boxer shorts underneath. "Shit…"

As Liam swore to himself slightly, I tried not to laugh so he wouldn't notice that I was there, quickly checking if he could hurt himself now in case I scared him, but he was actually just trying to open a new package of toast, obviously failing at it so I tip toed closer until I could wrap my arms around his stomach from behind, pressing a kiss onto his shoulder blade and cuddling up against his warm back. "Good morning, gorgeous." 

Liam flinched a little, but not too much, he also nearly dropped the toast but as he put a hand over my arm to rub softly, I knew that he was fine and allowed myself to laugh against his skin. "Damn, you scared me, Ni. Good morning to you too, baby."

"Sorry. What are you doing? I missed you in bed." I liked waking up to him because usually he still had at least an arm draped around me or I could cuddle up to him a few more minutes before actually getting up, but today the bed had felt cold even though he must've tugged me in before leaving.

"Well, I'm _attempting_ to make breakfast, but here's some coffee for you, that's about everything I was able to do." I let go of him now as he said that, keeping my hand around him for a bit while walking around him and to the counter.

He helped me getting up on it, standing between my legs as I wrapped them around him to keep him close while reaching out for the toast package. "There's a lash and you have to pull there to get it to open."

After I succeeded, I looked into Liam's face to see him smiling at me softly, but the one thing that bothered me was how red and sleepy his eyes were, for a second I thought that this had been caused by us being up for quite some time at night, but then I suddenly remembered how I had fallen asleep in his arms and how I had no idea whether he had even slept at all. He didn't notice my confused face though, probably because he chuckled as he kissed my nose, taking the toast out of my hands. "Thank you, chef Nialler."

"No problem…" I watched as he moved away from me a bit, over to the toaster, not really knowing whether I should start with this again, but I felt even more guilty today. I was behaving like such a douche the whole time, I couldn't even tell him that I wouldn't wake him next time I had a nightmare, I just ignored it and now he had probably been up just to check whether I was okay. My heart hurt. "How'd you sleep?" DID you sleep?

"Why?" No idea if he was really so concentrated by trying to make the toaster work but he sounded pretty absent.

"Because you're up so early… and your eyes are a little red." Liam finally got the toast to stay inside so he came back to me, looking at me as he moved between my legs again, holding my waist as I let my arms hang over his shoulder. 

"I was doing drugs before, you caught me." The fact that he was trying to make a joke was proof that there was something he didn't wanna tell me. What had I done, was he planning on never going to sleep again just so he could watch whether I was able to sleep through or not?

"Liam… I'm serious. Are you okay? How long did you stay up?" He sighed at this, giving me a kiss that lasted a little too long for only saying good morning. 

"I couldn't fall asleep, but I did sleep, a few hours." Looked more like minutes.

I rubbed the back of his neck with my thumb, never looking away from his eyes, trying to tell whether he was lying or not, but he just looked really tired so it was quite hard to know. "You know, because of last night, I didn't mean to upset you, it really isn't-"

"Its fine, okay? Just wish I could help you, you know." Then he shrugged and it was killing me, but I didn't say anything because he shut my mouth with his and the second he pulled away, he was already walking over to get the toast, leaving me no chance to reply and it was really bothering me, I watched him a little, biting my lip and contemplating whether I should just lie and say that I would wake him next time even though I didn't plan on doing it. But I couldn't, I didn't wanna betray him like that. "You know, I'm actually sad that you're up already."

This confused me a little, I took the mug he brought back over to me, obviously trying to change the topic as he rubbed his hands up my thigh. "Why?"

"Because I wanted to make breakfast in bed for you for one time, you always have to do it and I wanted to let you sleep a little longer." Aww, he was so sweet, this made me smile, it didn't matter that I wouldn't have been able to sleep for longer anyway, but I still gave him a quick peck.

"We can still do that. Just grab everything and we'll go back to bed, it's really early anyway." About one hour before Liam had to leave, I would only have to be at work in two hours, but there was no way I would give up my extra 15 minutes with Liam today, I'd just walk over again from his school. 

"Okay, you go, I'll be there in a second. If you don't pretend that you're still asleep I will be very sad, give me your mug." My eyes widened for a second but then I couldn't help but laugh because Liam was being serious, he took my coffee away, helping me down to my feet again before giving me a slight push as I didn't wanna leave, right on my ass.

"Alright, alright, I'm already gone, jesus." I just knew that he was watching me from behind as I left and I nearly turned around but then I decided not to, only smiling to myself.

Fulfilling Liam's wish wasn't really hard, I got under the covers again and snuggled into his side of the bed now because it smelled a lot more like him, it was a little cold without him though, but it was only for a few minutes anyway, as soon as I heard Liam coming, I closed my eyes and snuggled into his pillow, trying to stop grinning but I just couldn't. "I didn't think you would actually do it."

"What…?" As I forced myself to yawn and look confused, Liam started smirking as he came closer with the tray, I wanted to make him happy so I decided to play along a little longer. "Ooh, did you make me breakfast in bed?! That's so cute, Li, thank you."

"Baby…" He sighed while I sat up and held the tray so he could get down next to me and under the blanket, looking at me as if he had to tell me that someone had died or so, now I was the one being confused. "I'm so sorry to tell you that you will have to forget your dream about becoming an actor."

"What?! But I put all my money into coaching, what am I supposed to do now?! Become a teacher?" I scrunched my face up as if it was the most horrible job that I could imagine, Liam rolled his eyes at me while smiling, but he poked my arm before putting his around my shoulder to pull me closer.

"Enough of that, better look at the toast, I hardly burned it." As I looked down to check, he was right, but a few pieces were still a little black or too dark brown, I could've pointed it out but I knew he had been trying really hard so I pecked his cheek before putting my head on his shoulder.

"I'm proud of you, Li. And thank you, really." Hopefully this came out more serious, because I really meant it, he was so wonderful.

"Anything for you." His face was really happy now as I took a look and it put me into a better mood as well, a perfect one actually because what more could I want than having breakfast in bed while cuddling with my soon-to-be husband?

Later in the car, after I had made up a stupid excuse as to why I had to come along and Liam had just laughed and kissed me on the lips saying 'I know you just wanna spend more time with me and it's okay if you just say it because I wanna spend more time with you as well', I was thinking about how damn good Liam looked today, and he was so happy too, despite the fact that he still had to yawn more often than usually, but it was so damn cute whenever he was in such a great mood, because he would lean over at every red light to give me a kiss or look at me to tell me how nice my shirt suited me. And yes, it also meant I blushed a hell lot. 

Since there was a lot of traffic, we were hardly moving from one spot so he reached over with one hand, knotting our fingers together, it felt normal by now, that he was holding my hand while driving, even if it complicated getting my phone out of my pocket a bit, I wouldn't have it any other way. "Harry's calling me…"

"Better pick up." I shared a look with Liam and nodded, usually I didn't get calls at a time like this so this was a bit worrying me.

"Hey, what's wrong?" It seemed impossible that nothing was wrong, Liam squeezed my hand, I probably looked a little bit too stressed out as I nearly bit my bottom lip bleeding.

"Uh… nothing? You're not at work already, are you?" Harry sounded nothing but confused about my question and I relaxed, leaning back a little and rubbing my thumb over Liam's, so he would know that nothing had happened, thank god, I couldn't need anymore drama.

"No, I'm in the car with Liam, why?" I really wondered what he wanted, at a time like this especially, but it felt good to talk to him, we hadn't had a real conversation in almost a week and it was a little weird, because I had gotten so used to it.

"Louis said I need to stop disturbing you during work so I wanted to call you before." He stopped shortly because I had to laugh at this a little, meeting Liam's eyes and he seemed more relaxed now as well to see me happy instead of down. "So, you know… Louis has to work long and… do you have any plans for today? Can we have lunch together after you have off? With Liam, I mean, unless you guys have something going on or so."

"No, we don't have anything planned, let me just ask, okay?" This made me feel bad for Harry, but it also made me feel bad about myself because usually when he had wanted to hang out he had just asked me, but I guess now he was scared to intervene in a date or something, so I would definitely go have lunch with him after work. "Liam?"

"Hm?" He had been watching the street, smiling as our eyes met.

"You okay with grabbing something to eat with Harry after work?" We'd both have off at them same time, which usually meant that we went to get something to eat together anyway.

"Oh, sure. What about Louis?" He asked because it obviously was weird that Harry would do something without Louis, thinking about it, it really was.

"He's got to work late." I answered quickly before remembering that Harry was still on the phone, he had probably heard us talking but I should still tell him. "Alright, Liam's coming too. Just text me or something?"

"Yeah, sure, Ni, thanks. Tell Liam I said hi, and have fun at work!" His voice was really cheerful now, I didn't know that making plans with me and Liam could get someone that excited, I mean I understood it with Liam, but not with myself.

"Thanks, see you later, Haz." As I hung up, I gave myself a minute to think about this, I was really happy to see Harry and spend some time with him because I did start to miss him and Louis after a few days, but I was also nervous, every time we met up with them, I felt like I was making everything worse with every chance passing by to tell them about the engagement, now that my mother had lost her shit yesterday and Liam's was probably going to call tonight, I just wanted to tell Harry and Louis even less.

"You okay?" I hadn't noticed that we were already there, only as Liam's free hand brushed through my hair and I met his worried eyes, I realized that I must've been pretty absent.

"Yeah, sure, why?" My smile probably looked really fake because he sighed before leaning forward and kissing my forehead.

"Tell me what's up. You do wanna see Harry, don't you?" He seemed unsure and now I was the one sighing, I couldn't keep my thoughts from Liam, it was impossible, so I caught his second hand to hold it in mine as well, turning my body more towards him.

"Yeah…it's just, I'm nervous because your mum will probably wanna talk to you soon and when we hang out with Harry it'll remind me of how we still gotta tell them and it's stressing me out so much, Liam. What if literally everyone yells at you for this, I wanna marry you so badly and I wish other people would be happy for us as well because I know that I am, but… it hurts." Yeah, it really did hurt, that was the only way to put, I was probably overreacting here, looking down into my lap where my hands were wrapped around Liam's, he should probably go inside the school now and I was here whining.

"Hey, Ni, look at me." I did, slowly, and only because his voice was so soft and caring, quickly blinking a few tears away which made him pull his hands out of mine, reaching out to pull me against his chest instead. "Look, we'll call my mum tonight, together or I can do it alone if you want me to, and then we'll tell her everything and she's gonna understand. And if she doesn't then I don't care, I know that Louis and Harry will be happy for us, I just do, and if it's making you feel so bad then we'll talk to them soon, okay? But it wouldn't be good to tell Harry alone today, let's just invite them over in the next few days and tell them, alright? You don't have to be scared Niall, they love you a lot, and I'm gonna be there too and I always have your back, baby." 

"O-Okay… It's just… I'm still scared and I… I feel really stupid for it…" Most of all I was scared that he would think that I was ashamed to be engaged to him, I really was not, there was nothing more I wanted to do then let everyone know that he was all mine.

"Ni, no, don't feel stupid. I'm nervous too, but we'll do this together, yeah? No matter what we'll always have each other, right? I'll always be here, no matter what happens, I promise." My eyes were closed at this point, I had my chin on his shoulder and my arms around his waist, trying not to think about how uncomfortable it was to be in a position like this in a car. "I love you."

"I love you too…thank you." I felt slightly better, but not about the situation just because I had told Liam, he kissed my lips sweetly, cupping my face then and staring at me as if I was the most precious thing in the world. But he already took that title.

"Hey, why don't you come visit my class for a bit until you have to leave? You haven't been there for so long, the kids have been asking about you." That was actually a really good idea, I had always loved to come visit Liam and talk to his students a little, and it were the younger ones too, they were really cute and they always were so eager to tell me about all the random stuff happening in their lives, it was so adorable.

"Okay." I wouldn't be able to stay for long, but Liam's face lit up as I agreed, leaving me no choice but to finally smile back for real, he was just too perfect and beautiful as to not be put into a better mood right now.

 

———

 

_Liam ♥ 03:34 pm_

_baby, i'm sorry, i have to stay longer, one of the teachers got sick and i have to take her classes. i'll see you tonight, i love you, have fun :) x_

 

It was slightly upsetting, just slightly, and actually I wasn't even upset, I was just a little sad and disappointed, it still made me sigh after reading it for the fifth time and I really had to stop being so pathetic because I was almost where Harry and me had decided to meet up and I didn't want him to think that I couldn't even be without Liam for a few hours longer than usually.

Turned out that neither me nor Harry had come by car, we had both been dropped off, well actually, I hadn't been, because after spending some time in Liam's class, I had to leave even if everyone complained and I actually wanted to stay as well. Not kissing him goodbye was the hardest part though.

So now that Liam wouldn't come, I felt slightly nervous, my necklace felt as if it was weighing a hundred thousand pounds now, I wasn't going to tell Harry of course, I still had a trauma from yesterday, but I was scared that he could somehow read it in my face or something.

"Hey, Ni!" As soon as I thought I'd have to wait for a while now, someone had already thrown their arms around me, it made me laugh against my will, Harry was always so happy, it was so hard to not get infected. "Where's your boyfriend?"

"He, ummm… he can't come, he's gotta be a substitute teacher, you know." When we pulled apart, Harry was still smiling, he ruffled my hair for what I have said, I thought about complaining but then I decided that I didn't care.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that. But is it okay if it's just us?" Why was he asking me this anyway?

"Of course it is, come on." Really, talking about Liam not being here was the last thing I wanted to do, so I quickly put on a happy face as we walked over to the mall, desperate to get to a more normal topic. "I'm gonna starve."

"Well, that's nothing new, is it? Sometimes I wonder where it all goes, you're so short." That comment made me glare at him, I mean everyone came off as short next to Harry.

"I'm not, Harry, you're just tall. And besides, I'm five years younger." Which wasn't a good argument at all because he had always been tall and it had bothered me ever since I could remember because he used to tease me playfully when I had been a child, that I'd never be taller than him and I had yelled around that I would be and now… well, I wasn't.

"Sorry to disappoint you, babes, you're not gonna grow that much anymore. Maybe you're gonna reach Louis but not me." Maybe. 

"Whatever, me and Liam are almost the same height." Actually it didn't really come off as if we were because he had so much more muscles and I looked tinier automatically next to him, wow, now that was one depressing conversation.

"I know, it's really unfair, you guys can share clothes." Harry seriously sounded disappointed now, before I got to say something though, he suddenly grabbed my arm a little too hard and a little too excited. "Oh, right, before I forget it, our neighbors have a dog and they're gonna be away for a few days and they asked us to take care of him meanwhile, you gotta come look at it, he's almost still a puppy."

"But, Harry, I can't betray Jellybeans like that and hang out with random dogs." I really, really wanted to though, Harry probably knew that, because he seemed really happy about it as well, sometimes it was hard to believe that we were adults with responsibilities.

"Come on, you can just wash yourself afterwards so she won't notice the smell. You look like you could use a bath anyway, are you guys so busy with each other that you can't pay the water bill?" As he winked at me, laughing, I was speechless for a bit before bumping my elbow into his side, trying to be mad when in reality, I was turning red.

"We do pay the water bill…" Which actually brought me to the point where Liam also refused to let me pay for normal stuff we needed every day, like grocery shopping stuff and so on, or even gas sometimes. He was so stubborn about stuff like this, but I knew it was just because he cared.

"And you're also busy with each other?" Another cheeky grin that made me groan while we entered the mall, we'd have to walk through it to get to where we wanted to eat.

"Well, what do you think? Have you seen Liam?" Maybe this was a little too far, but why could I not brag about my boyfriend being fit as hell?

"You're not so bad looking yourself, Ni. I mean, Louis is about ten billion times hotter than all of you together, but yeah…" He just shrugged, I thought about starting a fight but why would any of us ever give in? "So… you did it?"

" _Harry!_ " A few people turned their heads at me as I punched his arm while he was just laughing, backing away before catching my fist to stop me and walk on.

"What? Am I not allowed to ask?" I assume he didn't count the one time almost a year ago then, a full year, can you believe that?

"You know that we did it…" It felt weird to not just say IT, but whatever, I was so blushed all over that it didn't really matter anymore what I said.

"Yeah, but I mean, really done it, while you were together." Harry was way too amused by this, I saw his grin from the corner of my eye, I really didn't wanna say that I wouldn't tell him, because somehow I did wanna tell him, not the details just… yeah.

"Umm… yeah, of course we did." More than once, I hoped he didn't think only just one time because Liam had been back for a whole month already.

"Remember what you asked me one time? I think I should be allowed to ask too." No idea what he was on about, really, we had crossed about half the mall now, it wasn't really big and I just looked at Harry and his stupid, amused face, trying to figure out what he meant.

"What?" Something told me that I didn't want to know this, but it was too late now and as Harry opened his mouth, I blushed without him even having said one single word.

And I had every reason to. "Top or bottom?"

"When did I ever ask you this?!" Of course I knew it, at his wedding, I mean, fine, he was probably still pissed because it had been about the most inappropriate time and place ever, but he had never answered me so I wouldn't have to either.

"At my wedding, Niall. So?" Did he really think I would give in?

"Why would I tell you? It's private." Actually, I wouldn't have minded it, I was just always so blushed that it was embarrassing.

As I tried to keep some distance between us, just because of the topic and I don't know, Harry suddenly threw his arm around my shoulder, unexpectedly doing something that I would've never thought of, pressing his finger slightly into of the bruises on my neck that I had forgotten to cover up today. "Well, I thought you'd tell me because neither of you cares about running around with their neck blue and purple either."

Oops. "I… that was just… one time and-"

"No, it's every time I see you guys, me and Louis had bets the last time before you came over who would have more obvious ones and you won." Oh god, no, I quickly tried to get out of Harry's grip, but he just held onto me, laughing loudly. "Come on, I'm just teasing you, you don't have to tell me, of course not." 

The thing was, as much as I was happy about not having to talk about this anymore, I was still curious about Harry's answer, I mean, they had been together for years, they could probably … give me tips if I asked. "… maybe I'd tell you, if you answer first." 

"Look at that, naughty Niall." He let me go, we were there now, getting in line to order something, I had no idea whether he planned on telling me or not, all I knew was that constantly rubbing at my face to pretend that I wasn't mad was really hard. "We switch it up."

"Oh, okay…" Well, of course they did, why had I even asked, if me and Liam would have been together for nine years, we would've probably switched it up as well by now. "I-I… I never… umm… Liam's always been top."

"Well, I can't say that I'm surprised." What? "Did you not want to or…?"

"Umm…" I gulped, looking at some random guys's head in front of me, why was it so hot in here, damn. "I didn't want to… he always asks me, you know, he… he always lets me decide but I… I'm scared I'd hurt him."

"Aww, Niall, you wouldn't, he's not hurting you either, is he?" I knew he didn't ask because he was trying to accuse Liam of something, but it still got me a little upset that someone would think Liam would ever hurt me.

"No, never. He's really sweet and gentle, and he asks me whether I'm alright about twelve million times in between." Ah, this just made me miss Liam even more, I wished he was here as well, it wasn't good, being apart, it made me extremely nervous.

"Yeah, that sounds like Liam." It really did, we had to interrupt our conversation for a bit to order something and I guess no one wanted to hear us talking about sex, so Harry waited until we were sitting by an empty table, obviously having thought about the same stuff as me. "You should try it."

We all know he wasn't talking about his burger here. "Yeah… I don't know. I like it when he does it and… maybe I'd be really bad, he'd never tell me if I was."

"You'd notice. You've never been with a guy before have you?" Uh, wow, this is not what I wanted tot all about ha, ha, ha.

"Well…" Harry nearly choke on his fries while I quickly took a sip of my coke, hoping that the moment would pass by soon. "It were only two, alright? And one night stands, I was a little drunk, I can't remember it so clearly."

"And you've still never been top?" I had nearly been, with that guy at the bar four or five months ago, but Harry could never know that because I had lied really badly to him and Louis that day.

"No… I just… don't wanna hurt him, that's all." This really was my only fear, that and not being good at it, knowing Liam he'd try and ignore the pain, not say anything and he would always insist on me doing everything perfectly even if it hadn't been at all.

"I used to find it gross when we had been younger, I mean, the preparing part, which is really embarrassing saying it out loud, actually, but it's been ages ago and I had only been sixteen, so." Yeah, I wished he would've been embarrassed but he just continued eating normally, leaving me as the only one with red glowing cheeks.

"I don't find it gross, I've done other stuff too, you know, tongue and stuff." Immediately after I had blurted it out, Harry stopped chewing to look at me with a raised eyebrow, maybe we were getting to the part now that shouldn't be necessarily discussed while having lunch, I felt my ears getting hot now as well.

"Are you telling me that you've done really everything besides topping?" Thinking about this for a second, he was actually right.

"Yeah, everything else isn't risking to hurt him." Then I shrugged, I didn't wanna talk about it anymore, but Harry was really making me curious.

"You're missing out, Ni." Was all he said, great, now I wanted to try it, I had wanted to before, but a little more now.

"Maybe… maybe I'll ask next time…" Probably not, I felt brave enough now but it would end about the second that Liam was kissing down my stomach with his hand wrapped around me and asking me what I wanted to do.

"You really should." There was a look on his face that I couldn't really describe, it was also quite weird that he was smiling now, and hiding behind my food didn't help to make him look away. "I think this is really cute, you guys are really cute in general."

"Thanks…" No idea how to respond to this, maybe a little more blushing would help, because it's not like I had influence on that.

"It's true. Remember when you came to ask me and Louis about how guys have proper sex and-"

"Please, stop right here." The time they had also given me a condom, and Liam had freaked out about finding out, that had been the most embarrassing conversations of my life, only back then, I had still found it funny when Louis and Harry had made sex jokes, and how Liam had always told them to shut up.

"Why? It was really funny, and your eyes nearly fell out when we came to the part where-"

"I'm eating, Harry." Actually, we had been talking about stuff like this the whole time before and I didn't even think that it was gross, I just wanted to stop reliving how much of a weird teenager I had been.

"Fine, I just wanted to tell you, it's getting me a little emotional actually, because you're so grown up now and stuff." Seriously?

"You're getting emotional because I've had sex with a guy?" Because everything else wouldn't make any sense, I've had sex with girls and been in a relationship with a few and he had known about that already.

"No, but because it's Liam and because you finally got what you wanted all along." Oh…

"Thank you…" This time, I managed to smile back a little, and Harry's grin got even wider before he continued eating normally, as if we hadn't just been talking about sex for twenty minutes.

Actually, what he had said lastly made me feel a lot better, he really was happy about us being together, maybe he really would like the fact that we got married too, like, I wasn't even expecting a positive reaction anymore, I just wanted a neutral and non biased one.

We stayed for at least an hour, it was fun to be alone with Harry, even if there was still the slight side in me that always wanted Liam and no one else, but it wouldn't go away and I also didn't want it to, I'd be fine without him for a bit, we couldn't be together 24/7.

Still, I decided to take some food home for Liam, simple because I wouldn't be hungry anymore and then he'd say I shouldn't cook just because of him and all that, I was just looking after him because I remembered how he had first been after getting his job, he had always forgotten to eat and he had been so stressed, I didn't want that to happen again.

Harry called Louis to pick him up when he was done with work and I was really glad that they said it wasn't even a question whether they'd drive me home or not and I was happy about seeing Louis as well, even if I was alone in the backseat and it only was for a few minutes, but still.

"Hey, guys." Louis could hardly finish when Harry had already locked their lips, I looked out of the window a little, to give them some privacy, feeling my heart ache a little at the thought of kissing Liam.

"Hi, babe. How was it? Do you have to stay longer again tomorrow?" They were still holding onto each other, but I felt that it was safe to look again, both of them were smiling from ear or to ear about being together and it made me really look forward to Liam coming home later, he hadn't texted me yet so I assume it would be longer. I really wondered why anyone had classes until this late, but I was pretty sure he'd explain it to me later.

"No, we got the new collection ready and I'll have all weekend for you as well." Wow, this hit me a little, it reminded me of how I had to work on saturday soon again and I bloody hated to leave Liam when he was still snuggled up in our bed. "Ni, you good?"

"Yeah, sure." I nearly flinched as Louis turned to look at me for a second, hopefully not noticing that I had been somewhere completely different with my thoughts, I didn't wanna explain this now.

"How's Liam?" Of course, that had been predictable, Harry threw a look at me as Louis started the car, smirking, knowing that I knew exactly what he was thinking about, if he was going to tell Louis about how I had never topped in my presence I would kill him.

"Fine, well, I guess he's not really right now, because he's still at school, but yeah." Hopefully not for much longer.

After being scolded for ten minutes by both of them for staying up too late at night just because I yawned one single time, I finally got back home, I put Liam's food into the microwave, not putting it on though, but I stuck a note on it to tell him it was there, just in case I would sleep in or so, because I suddenly really wanted to take a little nap.

Gathering my cat and taking all my clothes off to put on Liam's low hanging sweatpants, I crawled into our bed, on his side, also taking his hoodie with me because I could, I liked to have his smell all around me, it helped me to get sleepier, and also, if I took a nap then chances were big he'd be back when I woke up because he still hadn't texted me back after I had asked him when he would be home a few minutes before.

I really tried to stay up for a little while, playing with my phone and enjoying the pictures Harry sent me of their neighbors' dog, but I guess I must've slept in after all, with Jellybeans curled up on my stomach, the blanket pulled up to my chin and the phone dropped onto my chest, because that's how I woke up. And to a pair of soft lips on mine and a really gorgeous face.

"Good morning, sleepy head." Liam laughed softly as I yawned when he leaned back again, god, not seeing him for so many hours mad him even more beautiful than he already was. "How was it with Harry?"

"Really good. What took you so long?" Yeah, I whined a little, but I was sleepy and in a cuddly mood and I had missed him.

"Sorry, it's like, some project that lasts until after school and we can't just let the kids go home, so I had to do it." Ugh, I was glad he wasn't usually away for so long, I wouldn't survive it.

"Okay… cuddle with me." I didn't have to tell him twice, he climbed over me, giving me another kiss in the process and making Jellybeans meow loudly before jumping off, probably pissed because he had accidentally pushed her.

When he lifted the blanket, it was really cold for a second and I shivered slightly, but to make up for it, as soon as Liam got under it as well and gently put his arm around me as I cuddled my head in between his shoulder and neck, lying on his arm, it was all warm and comfortable again, plus, he smelled like heaven. "I missed you Nialler…"

He had leaned up a bit to whisper into my ear before kissing it, making me tremble and scoot even closer to him, putting my leg in between his. "I missed you too, Li. How late is it?"

"Umm, like seven." So I had been asleep for like, two hours, luckily, because I would've been worried as hell if he still wouldn't have been back.

"Thanks. Before I forget it, I got you some food, it's in the microwave." As much as I loved lying like this, I hated not being able to look at him so as I attempt to get up a little and kiss his lips, I just reached his jaw, which was fine but it made Liam laugh softly and he just turned onto his side as well, holding me even tighter than before.

"Thank you, babe I haven't gotten there yet, I was busy taking pictures of you." What.

"Liam!" He laughed right into my face, I wanted to be mad but he was so cute and his hand on my bare back was so soothing and anyway, I also didn't wanna stop to play with his hair.

"Only two, you're just so adorable when you're asleep, baby, I couldn't help it. No one's gonna see, I promise." How could I possibly say no to such a face? Besides, this was really flattering and to tell the truth, I had pictures of him sleeping as well, which was also why I hadn't wanted to change my old phone to the one Harry and Louis had gotten, but luckily I had managed to transfer my photos and messages, all because of Liam.

"What are you gonna do with them anyway?" I asked because I really wanted to just hear how he'd look at them when he missed me, simply because that's what I did.

"Put them as my background." He just said it like that, confused for a second as my jaw dropped and I playfully poked his side for that before going back to untangling his hair with my fingers. "What?"

"You said no one would see." Well, I actually didn't care, but now that I was pretending to be mad I should continue and see what he was gonna do to calm me down.

"I'm not handing my phone to people, Ni, besides, I wouldn't want anyone to see either, I'm the only one who gets to see you like this." And as his lips were on mine and a hand pressing into the back of my neck, I couldn't help but smile, I loved when he was being possessive and when he said that I was his only, because that's everything I wanted to be.

It was so good to finally be kissing him after such a long day with no touches or anything, and lying in bed together, knowing that I still had the whole night him before we'd have to get up again, I'd try extra hard with breakfast tomorrow, it was decided.

Liam flipped me over on my back, still keeping one arm under me, not minding how I nearly scratched his skin with my nails because I was holding on so tightly, running out of oxygen but I just didn't want to pull away, kissing him was just like heaven, the way he tasted and how his tongue felt against my own, all the nosies escaping us and his free hand always roaming all over my body, taking advantage of the fact that today I was the one with the too low sweatpants.

"Liam…" I whined as he pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against mine and trying to catch his breath.

"What's the matter?" Hoping that he would soon continue, I kept my eyes close, rubbing my hand over his biceps, feeling how smooth and tight his skin was.

"Take your jeans off." This made him laugh out loud, his lips shortly touching both my cheeks before he replaced them with his hand.

"Straight forward, huh?" Oh, I hadn't realized that maybe, or actually 100%, he would take this the wrong way, sure he could get naked as well, but I had had something else in mind.

"Not because of that, but your belt is pressing into my stomach…" And lower regions as well, but it was nothing besides cold and hurting a little.

"Oh, I'm sorry, baby, one second." As he moved off of me, I opened my eyes again, missing the way his breath had felt on my face and his hands stroking every inch of my body, but watching him while lying on my back like this was very nice too.

"You know, maybe you should take off your shirt as well." I suggested, thinking about how good Liam looked when he was taking off his pants, leaving him in his boxers and unfortunately, still his shirt.

"Why would I do that?" He grinned at me innocently, taking his socks off too, meanwhile I tried to think of a good enough reason, maybe I could just tell him the truth.

"Because you're really handsome and I want to touch you as well if you keep on doing what you've done before." I only blushed slightly and Liam raised an eyebrow before his smile came back and I got to watch him exposing his perfectly shape stomach before coming back to lie on top of me, nudging his nose against mine as he whispered, it was almost only a breath. 

"Better now?" His skin was definitely a lot warmer than the belt had been, and feeling it against mine was the highlight of my day. After kissing him of course.

"A lot." It probably wasn't really a secret that I was being impatient today as I locked our lips again only seconds after I had answered him, sighing happily as he opened my mouth with his tongue, my hand making its way down his back, I followed his spine, only touching feather light until I felt him pressing harder into me and making me smile.

"Are you wearing my sweatpants?" Liam had gone over to kissing the corner of my mouth, and then my jaw, probably about to leave a few more marks while his hand was just above the waistline of my pants.

"Hmmm, how did you know?" If he just pulled them down three centimeters I would've almost been exposed halfway, but no, that would mean not enough teasing for him.

"They're low as fuck." This made me laugh quietly, I pressed a kiss onto the top of his head while he worked my neck, receiving one in return instead of only lips brushing over my skin and tickling me.

"Why would anyone buy pants this big?" No idea when he had even gotten them, he had had them what felt like forever and when we hadn't been together and when I had been a lot younger, he had sometimes also pulled them up, but sometimes he hadn't and… yeah. I can clearly remember that, let's just put it this way.

"You love them, Ni, I know it." Guilty.

"I do…" A sigh escaped me when he shoved his hand under the waistline, but not where I wanted him to, but rather by my thigh.

"Exactly, and now you know why I wear them so often." As if I hadn't known that before, but Liam still laughed quietly which gave me goosebumps because of his mouth being so close, I had simply gone over to having my arms around his neck and tilting my head to give him better access.

Right as Liam was about to bite into my neck, his phone went off like crazy and he groaned, I thought about telling him to ignore it but then I let my arms fall to my sides. "It's okay if you check." 

Something told me that he had an idea about who this was, and I'd be lying if I didn't because the mood I had been in quickly turned into fear as Liam threw an apologetic look at me, pulling his hand out of my pants to reach his phone on the bedside table. He took a loud breath. "It's my mum."

"Pick up…" I whispered, he was sitting on top of me now, straddling my waist but still making sure to not put all of his weight on me, his eyes never leaving my face as he nodded slowly, moving off of me so I could sit up as well.

"Hi, mum…" My exact words yesterday that had left me bawling for an hour alone on the couch.

Not sure if I really was ready for this again, but I let Liam pull me into his lap and pull the blanket over us again as I wrapped my arms around his neck, watching his face closely while he talked.

"Yeah, he's here too…" My heart sped up at this, only thing keeping me calm was Liam's free arm around my waist and the fact that I hadn't heard any yelling yet. "Do you… want me to put you on speaker?"

He looked at me though, waiting for me to say that it was alright, so I nodded barely noticeable, receiving a soft kiss on the cheek and a murmured 'I'm here, it'll be fine', before he took the phone away from his ear, and holding it between us after doing to what his mother had obviously said yes. Damn, NOW I was nervous.

"Do you hear me?" Liam asked, leaning his cheek against my head while I tried to not make him bleed with how tightly I was holding on.

"Perfectly. Niall?" I flinched badly at this, Liam soothingly rubbed over my skin, trying to calm me down, but I was still shaking.

"Yeah… h-hi, Karen." I had always called her by her first name, but right now I wasn't really sure if I was even allowed to do that anymore, she probably wanted to strangle me.

"Alright, you boys probably know why I'm calling." Why was she doing this, couldn't she just yell at us that she found us disgusting, because that's the only thing that I expected, I tried to move closer into Liam, getting him to hold me tighter and he sighed.

"Yes, mum, please just say it, your reaction can't be any worse than the one Niall got yesterday." True, I slipped down a little, nuzzling my face in between Liam's shoulder and neck like I always did, his hand moving up to stroke my hair gently.

"I know…" Did she really just sigh as if she felt bad? "I will talk to your mother later, Niall, I just wanted to talk to you boys first. So, you're really together, yeah? And you're serious about it?"

"Yes." It was an accident, that we answered at the exact same time, but it made me smile slightly and Liam pressed a kiss into my hair while his mum turned quiet for a bit and I couldn't help but hold my breath.

"Alright then, congratulations." Really?! "I can't say that I'm… necessarily excited about the engagement at such a young age and after such a short time, but I've been calling the rest a long time ago, just no one believed me."

"You didn't." Liam answered automatically, confused as it seems while I could've cried from being so relieved, she was fine with it, I didn't even care about what she had said about us getting married, I knew that it was hard to understand for someone else, but wow, she didn't find us disgusting or weird!

"I did, Liam, but it doesn't matter anyway. How long have you been together?" Ugh, I didn't wanna talk about that, it was kinda embarrassing that I had wanted him for so long already. 

"Well… technically for a month but we… we've liked each other for much longer, years, actually and… we've basically been living together before as well and yeah…" Liam had put it a little nicer than it actually was, because how else was she gonna understand that we wanted to get married, after one month. Actually after five minutes, but who cared about details anyway?

"So then, why did you need so long to figure it out?" Wow, I hadn't thought that there was a question that could be even more uncomfortable.

"Because I… I didn't wanna admit it to myself an I've… and I made a big mistake and-"

"No, you didn't, Li." I didn't want him to tell her, he would only blame himself for everything again and not say how it had really been.

"Alright, well, it's none of my business anyway." Maybe this had sounded like tension between us, but as I was brave enough to lift my head, I was greeted with a really sweet kiss on the lips. "What I actually wanted to talk about was the wedding. Niall, you're only twenty and… don't you guys think that this is a bit too soon? I mean, you haven't been together for very long, I mean… you gotta figure things out before and…"

"What should we figure out? Niall's been living with me for two years, we're fine, we wouldn't wanna have it any other way." He sounded annoyed and I got it, both of them, but more Liam because I was tired of this as well, of people talking to us like we were dumb kids.

"I didn't… I didn't mean those kinda things, but yeah. I guess you're right, Liam, I still… I'm a little shocked, you understand that, right? And it doesn't mean I'm against it because I know both of you and I know that you would go ahead anyway, I just have to wrap my head around it. And talk to your mother, Niall." Now that this was going so much better than I had expected, I didn't care anymore if she would be able to change her mind or so, I just looked at Liam and remembered the minutes before his phone had interrupted us.

"She's just mad because… because I quit college. But I got a job and all and yeah… you don't have to talk to her, she probably won't change her mind anyway." Not that it would help, or that I even cared right now, Liam nearly dropped the phone while sprinkling my face with tiny kisses, making it extremely hard not to giggle right into the speaker, he was smiling like a goof and holding me really tightly so there was no way I'd be able to get away.

"No, I will definitely talk to her. If she said the same things to you that she told me last night then I have to." Probably, it sounded like it had been bad things, so I was pretty sure we were talking about the same.

"I don't know, I just… I was a little sad, because she didn't listen to me or so." A little sad sounded too nice, I looked into Liam's eyes and saw his face fall a little bit so I tried to smile at him, so he wouldn't be worried, because I was fine now.

"It's alright, Niall, I'll call her and see what I can do. I just wanted to talk to you two about it and be sure you really mean it, but other than that, I've always thought that you'd make a good couple." Me too.

"Mum…" Liam groaned and I laughed, pressing my lips to his cheek so the frown would disappear.

"Just saying. I'll hang up now, I expect an invitation, and so does your father, Liam, I told him this morning and he took it really well." Thank god that my own dad was not a problem here, he didn't even know my birthday, he also wouldn't care if I invited him or even told him about my wedding.

"Yeah, of course, tell him I said hi." It sounded really relieved as Liam said that, I could guess why, because the call was about to be over, I wondered if he had been as nervous about this as I had been.

"I will. Bye, boys, take care of each other." That sounded really nice actually, I smiled a little while leaning back into Liam, nearly letting out a yelp when he fell back against the pillows as well, keeping me in place with his arm. 

"Bye, mum, we will." There was no chance for me to say goodbye too because Liam had already hung up and tossed the phone at the end of the bed before wrapping his second arm around stomach as well and attacking my neck with kisses.

"Liam… let me turn around." I begged, wiggling around on top of him, with his chest against my back until he finally let me, but holding me just as tightly as before not a second later.

"This went really good, right?" Better than just good, I decided that it was my turn to leave some marks on Liam, after what Harry had said especially, so I ducked my head down, kissing right where his pulse was.

"Yeah… she was really nice about it." It was very satisfying to hear him breathing in sharply and tighten his arms while I continued as if it was the most casual thing in the world.

"Harry and Louis will be even more than just nice about it, I know it." After today I thought so too, I didn't actually know a reason anymore as to why they wouldn't be, but maybe it was because I was busy sucking on Liam's skin and trying to decide where to put my hands. "Hey, babe…"

"Yes?" I tried to sound innocent, his voice was a little breathless, which was complimenting my skills were nicely and I felt myself smiling.

"Before we continue this… can I got eat something?" Aww, he sounded really cute while asking, running his fingers through my hair as I lifted my head up again, pecking his lips.

"Of course. Maybe we could also shower afterwards." We hadn't done that in a while, but I was in a really good mood now and I didn't even wanna leave him even if it was just for a quick shower, we had been away from each other for ten hours today, that was the longest time ever since he had gotten back.

"Whatever you want, baby boy." This made me grin as well as my heart flutter slightly as I moved off of him, I liked whatever he called me and I would've been able to smile dumbly about it all day long just because of one word.

As Liam stood up and stretched his arm out towards me, I had a really good idea and stood on the bed which made me bigger than him and also put a confused expression on his face. "Give me a piggyback ride."

"Seriously?" Liam was really amused by this, he checked my face to see if I meant it before turning around holding his arms back slightly. "Alright, come on."

The reason why I had suggest this was one, I wanted him to carry me, two, I liked to feel his skin against mine pressed together like this and three, he hadn't done this in forever and I wanted to try it again. "Am I too heavy?"

"Not at all, babe." I guess I had to trust him with this because he walked rather normal after I had climbed onto his back, pressing a kiss onto his back as I felt his hands slipping up a little higher up my thighs. Maybe there was also a number four to this.

It was a really nice evening and night, we were really carefree now that we had gotten over that issue, I got to take the shower with him that he had promised me and later in bed, I thought about what Harry and me had talked about, but when it was time, I backed out again of course, I wasn't ready and I was perfectly fine with Liam doing it.

The last thing I would've expected after today was having a nightmare, I mean, nothing bad had happened to trigger this and I felt truly happy as I fell asleep in Liam's arm, at a reasonable time even, but this time I woke up covered in sweat and with tears on my face while Liam was still soundly asleep next to me.

I thought about waking him, but then I walked to the bathroom as quietly as possible, crying a little more in there. I had never dreamed about Liam cheating on me before and I couldn't get the image out of my head now or think about why I would possibly dream something like this.

 

———

 

That dream alone wasn't what bugged me during the next week, it wasn't even that my mum never called me again or that I couldn't sleep through anymore at night, something that Liam took no notice of, he asked me if anything was up a lot of the time but I always said that I was fine and forced myself to try harder and be happier around him.

The reason why I felt so down was because after canceling on me and Harry, Liam continued to do it, suddenly he had to take over a lot of other classes, which he blamed on some flu going around in his school, but was it really normal that he had to fucking be there until seven pm? No, it wasn't.

I tried to put it down at first, telling myself that I was overreacting because of that dumb dream and that I had no reason to be jealous over someone that didn't even exist, he would never cheat on me, never, and he wouldn't lie to me either, he always told me about why he was gone, I shouldn't have been so mad and disappointed because of him.

Only one night, on a friday, he just took it too far by forgetting that we had been supposed to meet at the movies after he was done with work. All I got was a fucking text telling me that he was really sorry blablabla and he'd only be back later tonight because he had to grade tests with one of the other teachers. _Grade tests_ ,was he actually kidding me?!

I didn't text back or even bothered to call him and yell at him, what the hell was he thinking, did he really think I was too dumb to realize what was going on? All of this seemed like my nightmares becoming reality and believe me, I pinched myself a lot to wake up, but as I cried myself to sleep that night, I for once wasn't being woken up by my own sobs and tears but by a warm body curling against mine, a kiss on my cheek and a very gentle arm wrapping around my waist.

And as Liam whispered 'Sorry, baby' into my ear, probably thinking that I was asleep, I decided to forgive him one more time, like always, because I needed him too much and I was too happy about having him spooning me from behind as to feel anything besides love for him.

So on saturday morning, I managed to do something that I would've thought was impossible, I nearly overslept.

As I half fell out of bed and Liam's arms still around me to take the first clothes that I could find, I heard him moving behind me. "Babe… what are you doing?"

"I'm gonna be late for work, I gotta hurry." Memories of last night suddenly popped up again, and I thought about just leaving without saying a word or kissing him, simply because he would've deserved it right now, but then I heard him sitting up as I was just about to slip out the bedroom door.

"Wait, Ni… are you mad at me? I'm really sorry, it won't happen again, I promise. I'll make it up to you tonight and I won't cancel this time. Please say yes." He sounded so desperate and guilty that I couldn't help but walk over and lean down to wrap my arms around his neck, pressing our lips together impatiently, we hadn't kissed anymore since yesterday morning, I hated this, I really did, but I loved and trusted him too much.

"It's okay, I forgive you. And I'd be free tonight if you really wanna make it up." We smiled at each other and I felt my heart stop for a second, I had missed him so much yesterday, I wished I could've stayed but one last peck took up all of the time that I had left. "I really gotta go, I'll see you tonight!"

"I love you." This made me stop in the doorframe just to look back at him, Liam was still sitting up, looking gorgeous as ever even if he had just been asleep, of course he wasn't cheating on me, he wasn't doing any of this on purpose, there was just no way.

"I love you too." When he blew me a kiss, I had to actually giggle stupidly, making Liam smile with the crinkles by his eyes showing and I kept that image of him in my head as I hurried downstairs to my car, and when I only came five minutes late without anyone telling me off, I thought maybe, just maybe this was going to be an okay day.

There was nothing really going on at work, I texted Harry a little, and to my surprise also Liam because he just started sending me pictures of like his breakfast with captions like 'Still don't know how to work the toaster :(' and it was so cute that I thought last week had just been happening in my imagination or something, I was glad that he was just at home and doing nothing, waiting for me to come back home, so it wasn't surprising how excited I was about my boss coming in and telling me I could leave on hour early.

First, I thought about telling Liam, but then I thought maybe I should surprise him, not knowing that this meant a surprise of a different kind, not for him, but for ME.

While driving home, I was thinking about nothing really, except for that I was really excited for tonight because me and Liam hadn't been to the movies in ages but I really liked it, especially when he let me pick scary movies to watch where I had to cuddle into him. Or sometimes the other way around, Liam wasn't immune to every horror movie either and it was the sweetest thing in the world. 

So as I stopped at a red light, humming some song in the radio and secretly cursing myself for not being that one second faster so I wouldn't have to wait here now, a few people walked by my car, which was pretty natural considering I was near the mall, but then something caught my eye and I nearly ran over a woman walking over the street in front of my car.

At first, I thought this was just a guy wearing the same hoodie that Liam owned, trust me, I would've noticed it everywhere because I had worn and cuddled into it so many times, but as I looked again, it WAS Liam.

Maybe, you could still say that he had been bored alone, or had had to go buy something, you know, I wasn't forbidding him to leave the house after all, I wasn't that kinda boyfriend, but suddenly I saw who was walking next to him and I thought my head was going to explode. _Zayn_.

What the actual fuck?! And they were laughing as well, this wasn't a hallucination, this was happening right in front of my eyes, WHY was my brother even here?! Since fucking when? And why would he meet up with Liam, I hadn't seen him in ages?!

No idea whom I was more pissed off at, Liam for sneaking around or Zayn for suddenly showing interest in Liam again after so many years, there was no way that he didn't know that we were engaged, so why would he do that? Couldn't he take the thought of me getting married before him? 

They didn't notice me, because they were too wrapped up into their conversation and as I drove on, I thought about how fucking funny it would be to turn the car and run both of them over, let's see who'd be laughing then.

The fact that I hadn't even started crying yet was really impressive, I usually always cried immediately, but all I felt right now was pure hate and rage, how dare they do this? What if they were hooking up? They had been best friends for years, they've been close for as long as Liam and me, maybe even longer, if Liam was actually doing this to me then I would kill him, if he didn't come home with a really good fucking explanation, I was gonna flush that plastic ring down the toilet, right in front of his eyes, call me childish, but it was still better than throwing his clothes out of the window because that was my plan B.

All my thoughts about Liam this morning had disappeared as I sat in the living room, without a shirt on because I had gotten so hot from walking around like a madman and trying not to scream or stab myself with a kitchen knife. 

I actually checked the clock, to see if he was going to be home before I would have officially been here as well. He was.

When I heard his keys in the lock, I smiled to myself, I was so fucking mad right now, I had even placed my shoes next to the door, so he would half fall over them and see that I was here, I knew that he had been trying to keep this from me, and now he really couldn't. "Niall? Are you home already?"

"I'm here." His voice had sounded really confused, so far so good, I didn't even bother standing up, just waiting for him to come into the living room, definitely wearing the hoodie I had seen on him before and a smile so sweet that I wanted to smash my head into a wall. How did he do this, seriously? How did he have so much fun sneaking around?

"Hi, babe, why are you here already? How was work?" It would've been impossible for me to keep it together for much longer, I needed to know this now or I was going to insane.

So before Liam had halfway crossed the room, I turned the TV off, sitting up straight again and ignoring all of his question. "Where've you been?"

He had this one chance, just this one, if he told me about it now and gave me an explanation, I would just forget it and forgive him. "My car was nearly out of gas and I drove to get it filled up, nothing exciting."

And that answer did it for me, Liam's face fell as I jumped up, the smile was gone now and I was really glad about it because it was driving me the fuck insane. He had just lied straight into my face, he hadn't even hesitated which meant he had been thinking about hiding this from me before.

"Niall, what's the matter?" The innocent look enraged me even more, how fucking dare he do this to me? Had he listened to my nightmares just to write down the most horrible ones and turn them in reality? It felt like it.

"The gas station? Then how come I saw you in front of the mall with my lovely brother?" My voice was surprisingly calm, but it still made all the color disappear from Liam's face, his mouth dropped open a little before he let out a sigh. Can you believe that? He _sighed_. As if I was really annoying for asking, I wouldn't have any of this shit right now.

"I can explain it, I-"

"Oh, really, can you, Liam? Can you also explain to me why you just straight up lied into my face? And why you've been spending all your time at school the last week? And why the fuck you had to GRADE TESTS until ten at night? Do you think I'm dumb?" I still wasn't yelling or crying, but I was fucking shaking now, I couldn't even look at Liam, I didn't even want know the answer to any of these questions, I just wanted him to stay away right now.

"It's not like you think, I'm sorry that I didn't have a lot of time for you, and I'm also really sorry about last night, you gotta believe me Niall, I would've really rather spent it with you but I had no choice. And about today, I'm sorry that I just lied, but … I didn't want you to be jealous because I'm meeting up with Zayn, he's your brother after all." Wow, really? That was all he had to say, THOSE were his explanations for his shitty behavior?

"Can I ask you something?" It satisfied me to see him really nervous as I finally looked up again, there were about five meters between us.

"Of course." Liam bit his bottom lip, it was so obvious that he still hadn't told me the truth that I nearly felt bad for him for being such a bad liar.

"Are you the only fucking teacher working in this school?! You're the only one who has to take over classes, really? And how about you grade your tests at home like you've been doing it or the past two years?! Oh, wait, sorry, I wouldn't know where you've done anything because you pissed off to Boston!" This was the lowest I could've gotten and I knew it by Liam's face falling, but I didn't regret it, no, I kinda felt like topping it off a little. "Did you at least use protection when you fucked my brother?"

"NIALL!" His eyes were nearly falling out now, I was so mad and so disappointed that wasn't watching my words anymore, I just wanted to hurt him, as much as he had hurt me. "What the hell is wrong with you?! I didn't cheat on you with Zayn, are you fucking crazy? I never cheated on you with anybody! Is this what this is about, you think that I got someone else?!"

"You tell me. What would you say if I just didn't come home anymore at night and then tell you stories about filling up my car with gas after you've seen me laughing on the streets with random guys?" Why had he ever thought I'd buy any of this shit? Just because he knew that I loved him so much, that was probably it, he thought I'd come crawling back anytime again anyway, but I wouldn't this time, he had really fucked this up and he knew it, he should at least own up to it.

"He's not a random guy, he's your brother and he used to be my best friend!" Exactly, and it was making everything even worse.

"USED to be, Liam, USED! Then why are you hanging around with him now?! I didn't even know that he was here and why the fuck were you trying to keep this from me, if it's nothing like you said then you could've just told me!" But he hadn't, and the look on his face right now was telling me that he had also lied about all of the other stuff, none of this was true, he was hiding something and I was going to find out what it was before walking out of this door and never coming back.

"I told you! I didn't want you to be jealous or freak out like you are doing right now, I-"

"Do you know being in a relationship means? What being _engaged_ means? It means you're there for each other and that you don't keep things from the other person, and most of all, it means that you don't fucking lie!" I was still by the window and Liam hadn't moved from his spot either, which was a really good idea, being in the mood that I was right now, I would've maybe even tried punching him if he came to close.

Liam's face was undefinable, it was something between guilt, disbelief and desperation, well, I could write him a list about why he should feel guilty. "Niall, I'm sorry that I lied, but I'm NOT hooking up with your brother, I have no idea what makes you think that I would ever do something like this to you, or that I would stay away on purpose if I don't have to, but I'm not, and I'm sorry for pissing off to Boston like you said, I know that I've made mistakes but I love you, Niall, and you know that it's the truth."

"I'm not sure if anything you've ever said has been the truth." I wanted to wake up from this, I felt the exact same things I had in my dreams, this desperation and helplessness, constantly thinking that I wanted MY Liam, because who was this, he wouldn't do something like this to me, he just wouldn't.

"Niall! Stop picking your arm, what are you doing?!" Trying to wake up, because there were tears building up in my eyes and I couldn't take this anymore.

"STAY AWAY!" Crying would be fucking weak now, but Liam stopped walking immediately as I finally decided not to care anymore and to yell, not stopping to pinch myself, this couldn't be real.

"Niall, baby, please, let us talk, I-"

"Don't fucking call me baby, I'm not your BABY, alright? You left me, you left me all alone just so you can come back and then give me the best five weeks of my life, you ask me to marry you just so you can sneak around behind my back and lie to me? What is going on in your head?! Do you enjoy to see me like this?!" My voice broke at the end because my tears just spilled away, I wasn't looking at Liam anymore, I just wanted to curl up in bed and die.

"You really think that, don't you? You think that I'm hooking up with Zayn and that I lied to you about having work so I can, I don't know, hook up with him some more and maybe with a few other people as well, is that really what you think of me?" Was he trying to make me feel bad for accusing him of obvious stuff?!

"YOU don't get to be mad here, Liam, you don't get to make me feel bad for something right now because I've done nothing to you besides loving you, always, I always only loved you and you know that, I would've waited forever for you to come back or to fall in love with me, I would've done anything. You're the one who just messed up, so grow some balls and stop trying to blame this on me!" There was blood on my arm now from my fingernails, I eventually had to stop and realize that I wasn't going to wake up, because this was reality and the fact that I had had dreams about moments like these and that Liam had been the one reassuring me that they wouldn't become real was even worse.

"I know I messed up, Niall, but I haven't done anything you're accusing me of, why don't you believe any of the stuff I'm telling you? Why are you so convinced that there's anything going on between Zayn and me, all we've done was hang out one time!" One time, did he really think I was going to believe him?

"You know what… I don't care, do whatever you want, Liam, go meet up with Zayn and grade your tests wherever and whenever you want to, I thought I could trust you." As I walked past Liam, I felt numb, he grabbed my arm but I could barely see through my tears, I couldn't listen to another lie, he was just making it worse, everything he said was just another proof of how little I meant to him and how he wouldn't admit the truth because obviously, he didn't care.

"I love you, you've always been the most important person in my life and you always will be, I would never hurt you on purpose or cheat on you, I could never do that, Niall, and you know that because you know me. Please believe me, please let me explain." There was nothing I wanted to do more than just nod and let him wrap me up in his arms, but I shook my head instead, sniffing as I pulled my arm from his grip and he let me after a while, a tear rolling down his cheek that made me struggle for a moment before I remembered the way he hadn't even had to to think about the lie before telling it to me.

"You've treated me worse than you've done in any of my nightmares." It wasn't exactly true, but as I heard how he had to sit down as I just left him standing, I was glad that I had said it, he should know what he had done, maybe then he'd finally decided to tell me the fucking truth, that's all I wanted, I didn't even want to know why.

Other than I had planned to do first, I didn't leave the flat, I actually locked myself into the bedroom, simply because I really had nowhere else to go and I also didn't want to to be honest, I was just so bloody exhausted, I needed to lie down, for approximately fifty years.

Jellybeans scratched on the door a few times, but I couldn't and also didn't want to get up, I didn't even want to think about anything that has happened during the past week, how wonderful everything had been and now we were here, how had this happened?

While lying in bed for this long and silently crying to myself, I nearly once sat up in shock as I heard Liam crying as well and almost immediately, my heart sank at this. If he really didn't care, he wouldn't have been out there crying, even louder than me, but only for a bit though, or maybe it was because I covered my ears and pressed my eyes shut, not wanting to start and feel bad now about what I had said.

The problem was, I did.

I knew that I had gone too far by immediately jumping to assumptions about him cheating, just because it's what I had dreamed, I also should have never said anything about him leaving, I had never been mad at him for that, I had just said it to hurt him, and it had worked, too well.

At about midnight, I managed to change my clothes because I felt bloody uncomfortable, I wasn't even mad anymore, I was just so sad and lonely that I wanted to die. Or curl up with Liam, who had to sleep on the couch now, without a blanket or a pillow, not as if he didn't deserve it, but still.

He hadn't treated me worse than in my nightmares, he had apologized and tried to explain it, he also hadn't left me or cheated on me in front of my eyes, all he had done was having to work a little more and then trying not to make me mad because he had hung out with my brother. Combined with my jealousy and angst issues, we had world war three.

If he really didn't love me, he would've left but when I tiptoed into the living room with the blanket draped around me, he was sleeping on the couch, curled up because he was probably very cold. The coffee table was full of tissues that had probably been wet before and I didn't know what to feel or think about anything anymore.

I found myself pushing Liam's shoulder softly until he turned onto his back again, I also contemplated whether to get a second blanket for him or not, but then I looked down at his face, the one I woke up to every day, the one that I would forgive everything just so I could be with him.

What I did then was the most pathetic thing in the history of humanity, I got onto the couch with him, lying down right on top of his chest with my head tugged under his chin and the blanket wrapped around both of us, searching for his hand blindly until I found it and could intertwine our fingers. It nearly made me cry from happiness, I hadn't been able to hold it a lot the past few days, or even kiss him, which was really sad comparing it to before when we had been glued to each other. Maybe this was all getting too much for him. Maybe I was.

Lying on Liam's chest, feeling it rise and fall evenly underneath me and having his smell in my noise nearly lulled me to sleep, it would've probably, if I hadn't been desperate enough to lean up and kiss his prefect lips softly. "I'm sorry."

As I snuggled back down, I silently hoped that tomorrow morning he would still love me and still want me to listen to him explaining, but suddenly I felt his free arm wrap around my waist, he stirred a little underneath me, hand tightened around mine until I heard his voice filled with disbelief. "Niall?"

"Yeah… can I sleep here? It's hard to fall asleep without you." Immediately after I had said this, he held me even tighter, I felt him pressing a shy kiss onto my head and let my eyes fall closed, no idea what was going on right now or what I even wanted, all I knew was that I just couldn't be mad at him.

"Of course you can… it's hard to sleep without you as well…" He sounded nervous about admitting it so I kisses his neck, making him move his thumb over mine, but only really lightly and slowly, as if he wasn't sure whether he was allowed. "Are you still mad at me?"

I wanted to say no, but I had no idea what I was feeling right now, the only thing I was certain of was that I loved Liam and that no matter what he did or how much he pissed me off, I would always come back to him. "I don't know."

"Okay… I really love you, Ni. Only you. And I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you and I really wish you'd believe me because it's killing me." It almost sounded as if he was close to crying again, I didn't want that because it made me feel bad to see him cry, but I also didn't know what to respond because I had no idea if I really believed him, so I just asked something else I had been thinking about.

"Do you still wanna marry me?" I know, I had said I'd flush the ring down the toilet but in reality, I had been kissing it before in the bedroom while cuddling into Liam's pillow.

"Always. Do you?" Liam hadn't even hesitated the slightest bit, I felt the warmth spreading in my stomach at this, I had no idea where we were standing right now but I still loved him insanely much and hearing him say this made me smile a little.

"Yeah." The sigh he let out sounded really relieved, had he actually thought I wouldn't wanna marry him anymore? There was literally nothing in the world that I wanted more, no matter what I had said or thought before, it had been out of anger. "Liam?"

"Yes?" He seemed very eager to do everything right now, not that he really had to try though, I still found him perfect.

"Can you play with my hair so I get sleepy? Please…" This always helped a whole let and I didn't even have to wait one second before I already had Liam's fingers brushing through my hair all gently, making me relax against him.

"Just tell me if you can't sleep, okay? I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." See, this was the difference to my nightmares, this was the real Liam, MY Liam, he would never leave me and I knew it, even if something had been going on last week and I still had no idea what it might have possibly been. 

"Okay. I love you."

 

———

 

I woke up in the same position I had gotten into last night, only now the sun was shining into my face and it was really hot with Liam under me and the blanket above me. His arms were still wrapped around me and he was soundly sleeping as I checked his face. And he looked like an angel while doing so too.

Surprisingly enough, I hadn't dreamed about anything after a day like this, my theory was that it was because Liam and me hadn't let go of each other because the couch had been too small to move away without falling off.

Getting off of Liam before tugging him back in, I had no idea what to do now, I wasn't mad anymore, but I wasn't feeling really well either knowing that he had been lying about all this stuff and not telling me why or the truth. Maybe I could talk to Louis and Harry, I really wanted to because I needed some advice but I also didn't want to betray Liam and do it behind his back, just because he had done it didn't mean it was okay for me.

While feeding Jellybeans and deciding not to eat anything myself because my stomach felt slightly upset, the only thing I felt like doing was going back to the living room to watch Liam sleep, maybe I'd find a solution while staring at his face, it helped me to calm down with nightmares as well.

As I sat on the coffee table, all I could really think about was that it was impossible that I had actually been right about anything I had said last night, I knew Liam, better than myself, and I trusted him with my life, there must have been some other explanation to this, something he didn't wanna tell me, but it couldn't be him cheating on me or getting annoyed by me, because there always were those times when he wouldn't let me go and just wanted to kiss me and hug and when he tried so hard to make everything perfect for me, when he asked twelve million times whether I really was okay and stayed up all night to make sure I didn't have any nightmares. 

His phone was lying next to me, I hadn't noticed it before but it caught my attention as it lit up and I looked automatically to check where the light came from, not because I actually wanted to to spy on Liam.

But I did, accidentally.

 

_Zayn 10:05 am_

_We have to tell Niall, I feel like an asshole, he's my baby brother_

 

Before I gave myself a chance to find any other possible explanation as to why ZAYN would send this to my boyfriend, why anyone would send this to him, I carelessly let the phone drop, trying my hardest not to cry as I simply walked over to put my shoes on and reach for my keys.

Everything felt numb an dead now, what if Liam was actually cheating on me? With my own brother? But WHY?!

Louis and Harry's was the place I could go to, they were literally the only people one earth right now that I knew love me, they had never let me down, not in all those years, I felt like they wouldn't mind if I came to them at ten in the morning to cry my eyes out.

Once again, I hated myself for never accepting their spare key whenever they offered it to me, but then again, how would it make me look if I just walked inside and then go look for them inside, that'd be fucking crazy, I could as well sleep on their doorstep until they opened up their front door.

As I rang the doorbell a few times, freezing my ass off because it was actually really cold and I was only wearing a shirt and some sweatpants, I tried really hard to not cry, I promise, but every time I thought back at any moment during the past few weeks, I just couldn't believe that Liam might have possibly been lying to me the whole time and that that option even existed made me cry even harder and ring the doorbell again.

"Sorry, I was upst-… bloody hell, Niall, what's wrong?! You're all blue, get in here!" Louis' face fell as he saw me, he still looked a bit sleepy and I wasn't sure whether I had woken him up or not, all I knew was that I needed someone to hug me right now. "Niall, what happened?"

"L-Liam, h-he…" Great, now that it was important, I really couldn't hold back my tears anymore, I just flung myself at Louis and he didn't hesitate to hug me back really tightly, rubbing my back softly.

"What's with Liam, Niall? Is he okay? Did anything happen to him?" Of course that was the first thing everyone would think, I buried my face in Louis' shoulder, not really wanting to talk about it actually, I just wanted to be comforted and held by someone who I knew wasn't lying to me about anything.

"H-He's f-fine… b-but h-he… " I didn't know how to put it, it was hard to even get one word out, but not knowing what I actually wanted to say was complicating this whole thing a little more so I just stopped talking and tried to not rip Louis' shirt.

"Hey, it's okay, come on, let's sit down, okay? You just tell me when you can, no rush, Nialler, I'm here." Maybe I nodded a little, no idea, all I knew was that I let Louis lead me to the couch and I pulled him down with me because I didn't want to be alone now, this was such a deja vu from a few months ago, it was almost scary. "Do you need a blanket, Ni? I can get you one, you're still shivering."

"N-No… s-stay…" There was no chance he could leave me alone now, just the thought nearly made me panic and I got my shoes off so I could pull my feet onto the couch and continued to cling onto Louis, wetting his shirt with my tears while he just kept his arm around me and leaned his cheek against my head, rocking me a little but not saying anything, he just let me cry.

When Harry came downstairs, I had managed to calm down a little, which basically only meant that I wasn't sobbing hysterically anymore, but the tears were still flowing and I still hadn't figured out how to tell Louis, besides, Harry's shocked voice didn't really make me want to try. ""What happened to him, Louis?! Since when is he here, why didn't you wake me?!"

"I have no idea, babe, he came twenty minutes ago, please grab a blanket, okay? He's freezing to death." That probably was true, I didn't know and maybe I wouldn't have cared dying right now anyway, what was the use in still being alive when it wasn't with Liam?

Harry was still alarmed but he nodded before disappearing again and returning a few seconds later to spread a blanket over me that I knew too well by now, and thinking about that was really sad. "Hey, Ni, what's going on? Where's Liam?"

They were sitting on either side of me now, I was still only holding onto Louis though because I felt like I couldn't move anymore, I wasn't even sure if I had planned to answer or if it just came out like that. "H-Home… "

One of them took a really deep breath and then it was Louis who spoke up again, careful, as if he wasn't really sure if he was allowed to even ask this. "Did he hurt you?"

Physically he hadn't, which was probably what Louis meant so I shook my head and I felt both of them relaxing even if there was no reason to, if Liam would've hit me, I would've at least known how to put it into words. "Did he do something else?"

All I could do was nod, I felt terribly bad for doing it, but Harry running his fingers through my hair was so calming that I couldn't help it, I pressed my eyes shut now, cuddling further into Louis and he let me without hesitation. "What was it? Please talk to us, Niall, we wanna help you, no matter what it is, okay? We're here for you, you know that." 

It took a few more cuddles from both of them, and more nice words for me to finally stop crying, I rubbed one of my eyes with my knuckles a little, refusing to lift my head though, I was really embarrassed now, not for being here and crying to them, but for actually talking about Liam behind his back, and such bad things too. "Y-Yesterday… when I was at w-work… I g-got an hour e-earlier o-off a-and… w-when I was d-driving home… I s-saw L-Liam w-with Z-Zayn… in front of the m-mall and… when he came b-back home t-too, he t-told me he's j-just been getting g-gas a-and I was really m-mad and we f-fought and t-this morning… I s-saw what Z-Zayn texted L-Liam…"

No idea if they had even understood one single word, I was sniffing in between and stuttering and chocking on all the words, but it was just the short version anyway, I still had to tell them about everything that had happened last week for them to fully understand my breakout. Even if for some reason, this got Louis worked up pretty badly already. "What the hell is he doing with Zayn? You have any idea what this is about? What did the text message say?"

"It s-said that…. that h-he a-and L-Liam s-should tell me s-something, b-because Zayn's f-feeling bad a-about it…" Saying it like this really sounded as if they had something going on and unfortunately Louis and Harry heard that as well.

"You know what, if this is really what it sounds like I will risk going to jail for driving over right now and murdering Liam in his sleep, I'm not even kidding." For some very weird reason this calmed me down, I didn't want Louis to kill Liam of course, it was just nice to know that he was there for me.

"Is there something else, Ni? This doesn't have to mean anything, you know, it could be a misunderstanding." Harry was trying to look at it from a different angle, but as I nodded I wasn't really helping to put Liam into a better light.

"R-Remember how h-he c-couldn't come to eat l-lunch with us? He's b-been t-taking o-over a lot of other c-classes too… and h-he's a-always g-gone u-until l-late a-and h-he l-left me standing a-at t-the movies because he s-said he had t-to g-grade tests. Until t-ten pm." What was even going through my head, I should've snapped a long time ago, the thing with the tests was the worst lie that had ever been made up.

"This is complete bullshit, what the hell is he doing? Did you guys have a fight before? Is he any different around you when he does come home?" That was the actual thing that was confusing me, whenever we actually saw each other, he was the sweetest person alive, he hardly ever let go of me or stopped showering me with love, which was also the reason for why I hadn't snapped until now.

"N-No… h-he's r-really s-sweet…" And fucking perfect, god, Liam was so perfect, I just knew that whatever he was up to, I would still forgive him and no one would be able to talk me out of it, I just wanted him and I started to feel bad already for talking about this before having a proper conversation with Liam first. 

"Niall, this is… I really don't know what to say or think, I would offer you to talk to him but you would probably not let me, would you?" It sounded as if Louis was up and about to leave, I lifted my head off of his shoulder now, because his shirt was so wet from my tears that it was starting to feel really uncomfortable.

"No…please don't." I tried to dry my face a bit while Louis sighed, his arm was still around shoulders and Harry's around my legs, they worked out so well by now because this wasn't the first time I was crying on their couch, more like the 20 millionth.

"I don't think that Liam's having anything going on with Zayn. It's just not him and why would he anyway? If he wanted to cheat on you he would try a little harder and not make it that obvious, there must be some other explanation." How calming, but I knew that Harry was right, at least I hoped so, it didn't sound like Liam at all.

"B-But… what if there's not?" Then I'd probably kill myself, I wouldn't survive this and I knew it, I had somehow managed to live through him leaving, but only because I had known he'd come back but this was something completely different.

"Then I'll kill him." Louis threw in, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, I hated myself for getting him so mad at Liam when I didn't even know whether my theories were right.

"Louis… don't talk like that, we all know Liam too well, there's nothing that he loves more than Niall." This sounded really nice, but I just shrugged, playing with my fingers a little, secretly praying that Harry was right in every aspect.

"But he still lied to him, Haz, probably not only about one thing and… Niall, what's that on your arm?" Before I even knew what was going on, Louis had grabbed my arm to examine it, there was still some dried blood from last night, and very obvious marks from my fingernails. Shit. "Did you scratch yourself? Because of Liam?"

"N-No-"

"Niall… please, you can trust us, we don't want to see you hurting yourself or crying. I promise, we're gonna find out what's going on, okay?" Louis kissed the top of my head, his thumb brushed over the small scratches on my arm before he suddenly attempted to get up, too unexpected for me to cling to him and keep him there.

"Where y-you going?" I didn't like to see him leave, even if I still had Harry who was quite a good pillow as well, but still, I liked to have both of them.

"I'll go and make you guys something to eat because I'm assuming neither of you had breakfast. And if you want me to, I can also call Liam or drive over, just tell me, Ni." He managed a very fake smile before leaning down to kiss Harry on the lips, I was once again disturbing them, always because of the same reason.

After Louis had disappeared into the kitchen, I didn't know what else to say and closed my eyes to the feeling of Harry's hand in my hair, truth be told, I imagined that it was Liam's. "Niall?"

"W-What?" As I turned my head to look at Harry he was biting his bottom lip, not avoiding my eyes though, I hated to be the reason to mess up his whole morning, but I simply had nowhere else to go.

"Your arm… can you tell me why?" It was pretty embarrassing, like, who was stupid enough to do stuff like this, and I also knew that Harry and Louis thought I had just done it instead of cutting, not this time.

"I… when L-Liam and me f-fought… it was l-like one of the n-nightmares and I-I… w-wanted to wake u-up…" I was still not able to talk in normal and clear sentences so I took a breath now as Harry's face got even sadder than it already had been, he pulled me closer into him which I welcomed.

"You're still having your nightmares?" You'd think after a month, they'd slowly disappear but right now I had a feeling that they would increase, after what had happened last night.

"Yeah…" Somehow everyone blamed themselves for them, Liam because he thought he was the cause and Louis and Harry because they thought they had done too little to stop them.

"Does Liam know?" His name nearly made me tear up again, even now, I just wanted him to come and get me, I wouldn't even want an explanation right now, just have him holding me.

"Yeah… he woke up a few times and helped me… and then one time I had to throw up and he wanted me to wake him up in case it ever happened again and I didn't say anything. But then the next day he was really sleepy and I think he hasn't gone to sleep all night because he wanted to check on me…" See, this was exactly why it was so hard to believe that Liam would ever do something to hurt me, he always treated me as if I was the most important human being alive.

"Ni, he really loves you, there's some explanation for all of this because he'd never do things like that. You should really call him, or let one of us do it for you, because none of you can stand to be in a fight with each other." True that, but Liam was probably still asleep and I really wouldn't know what to say if he just told me the same obvious lies as yesterday. 

As I shrugged, I felt the necklace around my neck move, remembering me that it was still there, and what Liam had said last night when I had just gone to cuddle with him despite the fight. I should really tell Harry and Louis about us being engaged, maybe not now since they were probably a little mad at Liam but then again, they also wanted to help us, it was just unfair to keep it from them when they were always there for me. "Hey, Harry…"

"What, babe?" When Harry called me those things it didn't have the same effect as when Liam was the one, of course not, but it still made me sad to think about how I wanted him to be the one calling me that. 

"I… I gotta tell you and Louis something…" The thing was, I would still marry Liam instantly, even if I was pretty disappointed, I'd probably just marry him and then continue to be sad about it, but I would never actually leave him. We couldn't be without each other.

"What is it?" He sounded scared, guess he had every reason to but it made me sigh because, well, compared to everything else this were the best news ever.

"Well… Liam and me wanted to do it together, but I… I feel bad for not telling you and-"

"Guys! Come over!" Louis interrupted me a little, but I guess it was alright because I should tell both of them at the same time anyway or it'd just be unfair again.

"Tell us in the kitchen?" Harry sounded hopeful that I wouldn't back out again and all I could do was nod before he pulled me up with him, I left the blanket on the couch because I wasn't cold anymore, I just felt kinda numb to be honest.

It was nice not having to do breakfast myself, even if I actually liked doing it for Liam and then bring it back to bed to me, this was really tearing me down a bit, if I hadn't seen the text message I would've maybe also done it today and then we could've had a talk like normal people would after a fight.

Once we were settled down, I felt Harry's eyes one me and nearly sighed, I felt bad about being about to say it because well, Liam and me had wanted to do it together and we had had four people to tell and I had already done two on my own, even if his mum didn't really count but still.

"You still wanna tell us?" I just nodded again, I didn't wanna pull out now, it'd be really mean.

"Tell us what?" Louis seemed really confused, of course, but he looked at me as well now, making me a little nervous to be honest, who knows how they'd react.

"Well…" I played around a bit with my fork, trying to stop myself from shaking, there was no need to, they would be mad at Liam and not at me. Which was the one thing I was trying to avoid. "You know… the first night Liam spent home, we… we talked about everything and then we found out that we still loved each other the same… maybe even more, you know and… and then I was joking about how Liam could propose to me because it would be the only possibility to make this better and … and he…"

"He did…" One of them finished for me, I think it was Louis, but it was only just a breath and I was staring at my pancakes while simply nodding. 

The following silence was really uncomfortable for me, I didn't dare looking up because I thought they were really pissed off now, but suddenly Harry let out a shriek and I involuntary checked to see what was going on. He was happy. "Oh my god, why didn't you tell us earlier?! Why aren't you wearing a ring?"

"W-Well… it's kind of a long story, but I am…" So without really thinking I pulled out the necklace from under my shirt, it might seem like a joke to them so I quickly continued. "Liam said he'd buy me a real one but I said no. And I didn't tell you because I might have been a little scared… "

"Oh, Ni, why were you scared, this is wonderful." Relief rushed through me as I saw both of them smiling, the only problem I had now whether the guy I wanted to marry still wanted me as well after I had just left him this morning.

"So, the only problem we have left is getting you your fiancé back. And I still have to kick his ass." It sounded more like a joke, but Harry gave him a playful clap on his arm, the only thing he got back was a kiss though. "I'm kidding. Niall, I really don't think that Liam is cheating on you, from what I've seen and heard, from what Liam has told me, you're the only one for him and there's not gonna come anyone else, you got your necklace as proof."

I had no idea what to reply, neither of them thought my theories were true, but what if they were? Or what if there had been a good reason that Liam had lied to me, maybe I didn't even wanna know the truth then. I just wanted everything to go back to how it had been a week ago.

 

———Liam———

 

As I woke up I thought everything was alright, which lasted for about ten seconds, because that was how long it took me to figure out that I was all alone and that I had messed up big time.

Cheating on Niall was about the least thing I would ever even think of, but cheating on Niall with his own brother made everything even more unrealistic. Did he really think I had done it? I hadn't even intended to meet up with Zayn, I had literally bumped into him in the streets. But of course, I knew Niall, and I knew how easily he got jealous, I had seen it in earlier days with my girlfriends, and we hadn't even been together back then.

So as I got up, I was about to call out for him, I had been so happy to have him crawling onto the couch with me at night because I had thought that I'd really have to tell him now and ruin the surprise, but all I stepped on was my own phone, no idea why it was lying there, it had been in the middle of the table before. After I had been too exhausted from crying and had finally decided to go to sleep.

As I picked it up, I quickly checked for messages, not really thinking that I'd see something but there was one of Zayn that made me sigh, why the hell did he want to tell Niall now, he hadn't cared about anything before he had heard about our engagement from his still enraged mother. Last night I had told him that Niall had seen us, simply because I hadn't known who else to tell, so now he felt bad, which seemed appropriate because hell, I felt even worse for making up all those lies during the past week. All I had really been thinking of had been Niall and about how I only wanted to spend time with him and no one else. Seeing him so hurt and disappointed was the worst for me, especially after I had promised so many times that I would prevent all of this from happening ever again.

"Niall?" I called through the flat after getting up, expecting him to answer, I knew he was still pissed off, but after last night I kinda hoped that he would at least be willing to listen to me, Zayn was probably right, I had to tell him. 

Since there was no answer, I checked in the bedroom, thinking that maybe he had gone to sleep there, something that I wouldn't really welcome, because if he had slept away from me, I felt like the chances for nightmares were only increasing. My poor baby, he just couldn't stop them from happening and I knew that he had them more often than he told me, I just didn't get why he never wanted to wake me up and let me calm him down.

All that I found in the bedroom was Jellybeans licking her paws on the end of the bed, I sat down next to her while sighing and stroked her head shortly. "Have you seen him, hm?"

A meow was not really the answer I had been looking for.

Turned out that Niall was gone, so were his keys and the shoes, and I nearly went insane as I tried calling him and his phone started going off somewhere between the covers of the bed. It was probably how he had felt, after finding out that I was gone, well, probably even worse because I had packed up everything before but right now the closet was still a mess consisting of both our clothes.

While I quickly got dressed, because I definitely would not just sit here while knowing that Niall had gone somewhere, and pretty pissed off at me as well, I decided to call Louis, it was the only place I could imagine that Niall had gone to. So they were all probably thinking about killing me now, which was their good right, I was the biggest idiot in the history of humanity.

To my surprise, he picked up after not even five seconds, not even sounding that mad. "Hey, Li."

"Is Niall there? He… He's gone and he left his phone, I'm worried." Something told me that he already knew that, so I was even more confused as to why he wasn't yelling at me yet.

"He is. Maybe you should come over. And do some explaining." It sounded like a threat, I had a hard time putting my clothes on with one hand but I tried to do it even faster now, I needed to see Niall, and make sure he knew how much I loved him, how could he not know that by now?!

"Louis, I… I don't know what he told you and I'm gonna come right over but please tell him that I would never betray him and that I love him." Well, this wasn't a really good explanation for anything but it was the truth, I just wanted Niall to believe me, even if I knew that I was not giving him any reason to do it.

"I will. Hurry up." Then he hung up on me and I couldn't zip my jeans fast enough, I still had no idea how to explain anything to anyone, I wanted to tell the truth because I was probably the worst liar alive and also Niall didn't deserve anything besides the truth, but I wanted to surprise him as well, so this was where the complications started, if only he hadn't seen me and Zayn yesterday, I would've taken him to the movies in the evening and tried to make up for it. But he had.

As I hurried outside I hoped that Niall had fed our cat because I always tended to forget about doing it, and Niall gave her way too much to eat anyway, since I had been here, she had at least put on half as much as she had already weighed before. But no one could blame him for doing it, he just loved her a lot and I found it too cute as to say anything.

During the drive I tried to not think about Niall taking the same streets probably hours before and while crying, I now had a theory as to why he was gone and my phone was on the floor, he had probably read the text message and if you had no idea what was going on then I saw why this could lead to false assumptions.

The front door was unlocked as I got to the house, I luckily knew the code for the gate now as well so that was good, because I would've been way too nervous as to wait for someone to let me inside, I knew that they all were pissed at me, and they had every right to, I was the worst boyfriend alive. IF Niall still wanted to be my boyfriend, I probably wouldn't want to if I were him right now.

"Guys?" I just called out after taking my shoes off, I actually wanted to only call for Niall but I assume he was the last person to answer me.

Harry came around the corner not even two seconds later, he didn't look as if he was going to stab my back as he pulled me in for a quick hug, so that was very surprising. "Liam, you have to tell him the truth, I have no idea what is going on. All I know is that there is no way that you have cheated on him or hurt him on purpose, so please fix this, he's a wreck without you."

"I-I will…" Shit, I was really ruining Niall, the nightmares were living proof of the consequences that I had caused and about how trying to make up for everything couldn't make things undone.

They were in the living room, Louis and Niall I mean, Louis got up as I walked in while Niall just kept staring at his own hands, he seemed pretty done with everything right now and I started feeling even worse, I just wanted to be allowed to wrap him up in my arms again and tell him that I loved him. "We'll leave you guys alone for-"

"No, stay." Niall was nearly pleading them and it gave me a sting, he didn't wanna be alone with me, which I understood but it didn't change the fact that it hurt.

"Okay." Harry just let himself drop next to Niall again, which got me a little jealous, I mean, I had no right to feel this way because I knew how jealous I had made Niall feel.

"Alright, ummm…" I had no idea where to sit, or if I should just keep on standing, but I chose to sit next to Louis on the second couch then, I could've sat next to Niall but he would've probably just gotten up and left. "Niall, I… I really don't have anything going on with Zayn. Or anyone else besides you, I would never want that or even think of it, you're the only thing that's on my mind constantly and I wanna be with no one else but you."

His necklace was resting over his shirt now, I wondered if he had told Louis and Harry, I wouldn't mind that, I was just glad that he hadn't taken it off or given it back to me yet. He refused to look at me, I fondly watched as he twisted his fingers together nervously, it was one of his habits whenever he didn't know what to say. "But you still lied to me…"

"Yes…" I admitted it, because we all knew that I had, who the hell grades test in the middle of the night, you'd think I had been high making this up. "But I can explain all of this, if you want me to. I didn't lie to hurt you, Ni, I love you."

There was no answer, from any of them, even if the other two probably felt like they shouldn't intervene and I was very happy about that, this was between me and Niall. 

"Give me one second, okay? I have to get something from my car." Right now, I didn't really care about who would find out, seeing Niall like this left me no choice but to tell him the whole truth now, it would still be a surprise, just not as big as I had wanted it to be. The really sad thing was that I had done all of this because I had wanted to make Niall happy, because of his mum and the nightmares and all, I had just wanted to make him see that I really meant it all.

As I got up, they all looked pretty confused, and I got why, so I tried to hurry up, half jogging outside to my car and not even bothering to close the front door behind me. This was really important and I didn't want Niall to suffer for any longer, I just wanted to see him smile again because it was my favorite thing in the whole world.

The reason why I kept it in my car was simply because I hadn't known where to put it at home, Niall was running risk of finding it sooner or later, and he only was in my car with me, so if he was about to find it, I could've easily tried to prevent it.

When I came back inside, nothing had really changed, Niall still looked miserable and the other two constantly exchanged very confused looks so I decided to just screw it all, who cares if they found out as well. "Niall."

He looked at me for a second, his jaw dropping a little as I got on my knees in front of the couch, actually only on one, you know, I had a thing for traditional things and I had cursed myself a lot for not doing it properly the first time. The other two might have gasped, because I had no idea whether they knew about the engagement or not, well, they did now.

I reached out for Niall's hand and he just let me, it felt limb in mine but I didn't mind for as long as I was allowed to hold it, all I looked at was his face and how his eyes went wide as I reached into my back pocket with my free hand, leaving it closed for now as I pressed my lips to his knuckles. "Niall, there is no person alive that could ever take your place, it's killing me that you think I would ever want to hurt you or do anything to disappoint you, but I guess it is my fault that you do. And I wanted to apologize again, for everything that I have ever done to you, the past few weeks have been the best of my life and you should know that during the last one, you have been the only thing that's been on my mind and I'm not lying this time, I'll never lie to you again, I swear.

"The reason why I have done it was because I wanted to see you happy again after what happened with your mum and how stressed out you were and then all the nightmares, I felt so bad for you and I wanted to show you how much you really mean to me, that I'm being serious about all of this and that I'd never leave you because I know you're still scared that I might just take off one day. So I admit that I made up some pretty stupid lies that I knew you were too smart to believe, but I'm just not good at lying because I would never have a reason to not tell you the truth, so here's what I've been really doing.

"The first time, when I cancelled on you and Haz, there was nothing made up about this, because I really had to take over classes, so I thought maybe I could just use it as an excuse again. But really, I went to the jeweller, because I know that you said that you don't mind the plastic ring, but I wanted to do it properly. And yesterday when you were at work, I went to pick it up and I bumped into your brother at the mall. He knew about the engagement already and he was really happy for us so I asked him if he wanted to see the ring, you know, you guys are related, I just wanted someone else's opinion, so he came along to pick it up with me. And in case you have really seen what he texted me this morning, I told him about how you thought we have something going in, and all he wanted me to tell you was what I just did.

"All the other times when I haven't been home, I was actually starting to plan the wedding, I know we should actually do it together, but I didn't wanna stress you out, so yeah, I've been with other people, but it was a wedding planner, so I hope that that's fine.

"I'm so sorry, Niall, for lying and for being such an asshole, all I ever wanted was to make you happy, I love you, more than anything and I wanna be with you forever, you're everything to me and I will never leave you again, I will never lie again and I'm gonna do everything to make sure that you're alright, that's all I want, and for you to forgive me and let me treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

I opened my hand now, it wasn't a really expensive ring because I wanted to save that for the real one, but you could stick them together so I had both of them already. As I gently placed it on Niall's ring finger and looked up again, glad that it fit perfectly which wasn't really surprising though because I had felt like a creeper for measuring his finger while Niall had been fast asleep, he was crying, silently, but pretty hard and I pressed my lips to the back of his hand. "Do you still wanna marry me?"

It was so quiet in here, you could've heard a pin dropping, I was a little nervous, I admit it, I literally had no idea what Louis and Harry must have been thinking right now, they had had to calm Niall down and then hear that I might have cheated on him just to have me here now as well proposing to him for the second time when they maybe haven't even known about the first. 

As Niall pulled his hand out of mine, I had no idea what to expect, but when I saw the hint of a smile between all those tears, I knew that it was gonna be alright. He actually surprised me, by leaning forward and wrapping both of his arm around my neck so tightly and unexpected that I fell onto my back with him on top of me, I would've managed to hold us up but I had been in a not really stable position to begin with. Not that it mattered, I was still laughing as I wrapped my arms around his waist, more relived than I had ever been in my whole life probably.

"Is that a yes?" I was pretty sure, but as Niall lifted his head to look at me, I knew for a 100% that it was, he was still crying, but while smiling brightly at me.

Before I knew it, our lips were locked and I felt my head being pressed into the carpet from how eager he was. "That's as many yes's as I can possibly give you before wanting to kiss you again."

"I love you." Our lips were still nearly touching and I used the change to lean up just a centimeter to touch his again, I was so happy right now, and so relieved that the sneaking around would stop and that it had somehow still been a surprise, he had the ring after all, and a proper proposal.

"I love you too, Li. I'm sorry for thinking you would ever-"

"Hey, shhh, it's okay now, right? Are you happy?" I let go of his waist with one hand to catch a few tears before simply stroking his cheek, the smile was so big it looked like it could hurt. 

"I've never been happier." Niall was so cute, with his dimples and his hair all messy because he hadn't done anything to it this morning, I sorted it out a little for him, smiling back because I couldn't help it, I've never been happier before either.

"Good. That's all that matters."After I had pressed our lips together one more time, I started to remember that we weren't actually alone in here and attempted to sit up, making Niall sit in my lap, he seemed pretty alright with it, keeping his arms around my neck while I was keeping him close by his waist, both of us looking over to Louis and Harry at the same time.

Louis had obviously changed seats so he could be next to Harry and hold him close because he was seriously crying now, none of them seemed really surprised, but Louis was smiling big time and I assume that those were happy tears on Harry's cheek. "Good job, Li, now you made Niall smile again but you made my man cry."

"Sorry, Lou, didn't think I'd get such heavy reactions." Niall was really affectionate now and I loved to have his lips on my cheek and his fingers twisting into my hair, we hadn't had so much time alone during the past few days, thanks to me, but after that and the fight, every touch felt even more intense. 

"Harry?" I had Niall's head leaned against mine so I heard him pretty loud as he talked, I decided that he could easily be a bit closer and pressed him tighter into me.

"W-What?" Louis chuckled because of Harry being so emotional about all of this, I was really glad that they were so happy about it though.

"Are you gonna be my best man?" Really, I would've been prepared for everything by now, at least I thought so, but I definitely hadn't planned on falling onto my back again, this time with both Niall and Harry on top of me, it nearly had me gasping for air because Niall had the perfect for weight for things like that and I had no idea how much Harry weighed, but both of them together was nearly too much. 

"Is this what you guys are into now? Orgy things?" I heard Louis talking from the couch but I couldn't see him because Niall was laughing really hard while pressing into me and Harry was blocking most of my sight, he kissed Niall's cheek, rubbing his eyes a little.

"Do you wanna join?" It was a joke, I would suffocate if he fell on top of me as well, all I was doing right now was clinging to Niall so I wouldn't let him slip.

"I think I'm gonna pass, thank you. Don't you wanna ask me something as well?" Right, just because Harry was cuddling Niall to death now for being his best men, I still needed someone as well, but it only made me smirk, still having the other two lying on me.

"I wouldn't know what you mean." Niall giggled at this, he probably noticed how hard I was breathing, because he was attempting to get both himself and also Harry off of me, but I held onto him, I didn't want him to leave, I kinda liked it.

"Liam, don't you play now, I might say no if you piss me off." He wouldn't, of course not, it was just harmless bantering and as Harry reached out for Louis, he just lied down next to me, getting a lot of weight off of me for having Harry climb over to him instead, he was still crying a little bit, but there was smile now as well. "So?"

"Louis." I started, turning my head so I could look at him while Niall made himself more comfortable on top of me, he cuddled his head in between my neck and shoulder, kissing my skin lightly but still managing to give me tingles. "Would you give me the honor of being my best man?"

"Hmm. How much time do I have until you need an answer? I got a few other offers as well, you know." That idiot, Niall laughing against my skin made me hold him even tighter, I turned my head back again, so I could pretend that I was mad, brushing my lips over Niall's forehead gently. "Oh, Liam, come on, you know that it's a yes, me and Harry had bets going on when you'd ask us."

"Do you have bets going on about everything?" Niall mumbled, I had no idea what he meant, he was touching one of the almost faded marks on his neck now that I had left while looking at Harry and making him laugh.

"Almost." Louis answered, and then he leaned over, kissing my cheek really unexpectedly, I didn't really mind because it only lasted for like 0.5 seconds but I scrunched my face up on pure purpose, wiping over my skin.

"Gross." I mumbled, having Niall lift his head so we could be face to face, the fact that he was still smiling made me really happy, he was so beautiful and perfect, I reached out to touch his skin without even thinking.

"Should I kiss it better?" His breath hit my skin as he talked, that's how close he was, I just nodded, desperate for him to do it.

"Kiss it BETTER? I don't have a disease, Nialler!" Louis' voice was only in the background even though he was pretty close, all I was focused on right now was Niall kissing from my cheek up to my mouth, deepening the kiss despite the fact that we were definitely not alone.

The other two might have protested, but we ignored them, our faces were pretty blushed as we pulled apart after a few seconds, it hadn't gotten really heated, I was saving that up for home and to be completely honest, I was very ready to leave right now.

"Let us see the ring, Ni." The fact that Niall kissed me again before doing it and then gushing about how beautiful it was and how I was so great for getting him one even though he had told me not to made my heart flutter, he loved me so much and I knew it, all I could hope was that he believed me when I said that I loved him just as much. The way he was looking at me though and how he never let go of me afterwards made me very positive about that he did.

 

———

 

"Hey, baby, should I get you something to drink?" I was in the kitchen, still feeling all warm from earlier when Niall and me had gotten home from Louis' and Harry's place and I had finally taken him to the movies to make up for friday. He had picked some horror movie again and I dare to say that I knew the reason better than the plot of the movie because all I remember about our time there was Niall's lips on mine and and the taste of all the popcorn we had eaten. Or only he actually.

"No, thanks!" Well, he could share with me I decided as I walked back to our bedroom, turning all the lights off because it was ten pm already and we had just had a shower a few minutes before.

As I entered the room, Niall was sitting cross legged in the middle of the bed, Jellybeans was sniffing one of all the things that were scattered around him and for a moment I had no idea what was going on. "What are you doing?"

"Look." He was smiling, petting the empty space next to him and I put my glass on the bedside table before climbing onto the bed as well, but other than he thought, I pulled him into my lap and kissed his head, I didn't want to be apart from him now after yesterday.

"What's that?" The thing in his hands was a book, and as I opened the first page I suddenly knew what it was and what all the other items lying around were as well, he had gotten our memories box out of the closet.

"Remember when I made this? I was so awkward." His head was on my shoulder now as he helped me to hold the album while I flicked through a few pages, smiling at almost every photo, I hadn't looked at this in forever.

"No, you weren't, that was the cutest thing ever, Ni. I know that you took the pictures to show off that I'm your best friend, but that made everything even more adorable." It made me laugh how Niall still blushed at this, I rubbed his tummy a little because I had my free arm around him.

"Don't mention that ever again, Li, I was so embarrassing, how did you even manage to spend time with me when I was a kid?" How could I have not?

"Niall, you were the most adorable child, look at this for example." I gave him the book to hold as I reached over to the box, I hadn't seen it before because it was half hidden behind him, but I pulled his hold plush unicorn out, with the glittery horn and all. "You were so happy when I got you this and when I made sure you had a good eleventh birthday, from there on I just really started to care about you." 

"Only then?! I loved you from the first day on!" Of course he was exaggerating his voice, pretending that he was made at me now but he still put the book beside us to take the plushie instead and examine it, it looked pretty used now.

"Well, I'd say you don't have any memory about the day we first met." There were other photos in there as well, Niall had stolen them from his mother just to show me and I leaned over to look for them now, holding him tightly so he wouldn't slip. Even if that kinda seemed impossible because he was holding onto my arm around his stomach so tightly.

When I got the photos I had been looking for, I held them so he could see them as well. It was from the day that he was born, when I had been five and my mother had gotten really anxious about his mum letting me hold him, but I was still grinning and Zayn was next to me, looking pretty bored about everything, even back then and despite the fact that I was holding his baby brother. "See how I'm not crying despite your very weird haircut? I loved you."

"There's nothing wrong with my hair, look at yours, you don't even have any!" Niall sat up a little, rolling his eyes at me for pretending to pout and quickly kissing my cheek.

"Liam, this was the day that I was born, of course I had no hair. And you feel qualified enough to teach children something about biology." He shook his head as if he was really shocked by this but still putting the photo down and looking at the other one. "This one is way cuter."

I agreed, it was Niall on my lap when he had been about one year old, I didn't really know what to think about my choice of clothing, but he himself was very cute, but I was still acting. "You nearly crushed me."

"I didn't, Liam! But if we're here to point out facts then I gotta say that those pants were not very flattering on you." None of us could remember this day of course, I hadn't even known that I had even been allowed to hold Niall as a child, I knew that him and Zayn had fought a lot when Niall had been a bit older, so I had always assumed that me and Niall hadn't gotten on very well either, but after he had shown me those photos for the first time, I wasn't really sure anymore. Maybe we had really liked each other, we were both smiling at least.

"My mum picked them out, Niall, that's not very nice, okay. I'm gonna show you something that's not very flattering on YOU." And so we ended up pulling out more pictures and looking through the book again just to relive a few moments, there were awkward photos as well, especially when we looked at the selfies Niall had forced me to take, let's just say, I had obviously liked to pull faces and also, I had not always been necessarily excited about taking one. For example when I had been deep asleep.

"You know what, I think we should try and fix all your bracelets." It wasn't a wonder that they had all fallen off after a while, I had attempted to fix them but I wasn't as crafty as Niall obviously was.

"But I'm scared that they'll break again and that I'll lose them this time. I feel really lucky for having them all here." I remember when he had given me the first one, his birthday presents had always been so sweet and he made me stuff himself until I had turned nineteen. "And you put so much work in it."

"Well, I didn't make this one myself." Niall suddenly admitted while pointing at the one I was holding, we were half lying now and his head was still only my shoulder, we couldn't have been any closer. 

"What?! But you told me you did." It was the prettiest one as well, I mean, looking at it now it did seem somehow unrealistic for someone to make it themselves and Niall just laughed at my shocked voice.

"You assumed I did and I never saw a reason to make you think otherwise, I just liked how you wore the stuff I gave you, especially when I told my friends about it, I was bragging so much about you it was unbelievable. Do you remember when I was in love with this Amy girl?" He actually took a break to laugh even harder, putting the bracelet back into the box.

"Well, yeah?" It was confusing that he brought this up now, but it was also very hard to not remember this because it had led to him kissing me for the first time.

"I even bragged about you when I was with her at her house watching this movie. I didn't know any other topic so I think the reason why she kissed me was to shut me up, because I was literally going on about you for half an hour." Oh. "I was a little obsessed with you."

"A little?" But it still made me laugh, because he had never told me that, maybe back then I would've found it weird but I didn't mind anymore now, at least I finally knew that he had liked me all along, so a lot of the things he had done made sense now as well.

"Well, I still am." Since the box was safe from falling off the bed now and we had put everything back inside before after looking at it, Niall made me fully lie down on my back, he turned around as well so we could look at each other. Neither of us was wearing a shirt, it seemed pretty unnecessary. Also pants to be honest, but we still had those on. For now. "Hey, Liam?"

"What, babe?" Niall was smiling softly as he kissed my lips shortly, I was gently drawing patterns onto his back, enjoying how he played with my hair and how his chest was moving against mine, he was always fully lying on top of me without trying to keep weight on his elbows like I did the other way around and I loved to have us pressed together like this.

"Thank you again, for the ring and all, you know. It's perfect. YOU are perfect. I can't wait to actually marry you." We had talked about all of this before, but I still felt butterflies in stomach as he thanked me again, all while smiling brightly, kissing me again, a little longer this time.

"You deserve it, Ni, you deserve for everything to be perfect and I'll make sure the wedding will be as well." Of course, it wouldn't be like Harry's and Louis' had been because we didn't have endless money, but all that really mattered was that Niall liked it, I didn't care about anyone else's opinions.

"It will be when I help you to plan it." That's what we had agreed on, no more secrets, we'd do this together now and I closed my eyes as Niall rubbed his nose against mine softly, giggling as I played with the waistline of his sweatpants.

"Are you like a wedding planning professional and haven't told me about it yet?" His lips were touching mine while I talked, it felt so good to be this close again, with no rush and nothing to keep from him, just us being happy to have each other.

"You caught me." Right after he had finished, he fully pressed his mouth on mine, nudging it open with his tongue and I sighed happily when it touched mine, moving one hand up to keep it at the back of his head and make sure he stayed close.

It didn't surprise me at all when Niall moved down to my neck afterwards, we somehow had a thing with making the love bites so obvious that it was really hard to impossible to cover them up, and I didn't complain because I loved when Niall left his marks on my skin, moving down deeper then while I watched, still stroking his hair.

"You could be like, a model with that body." It made me laugh as he said that because he sounded so serious and his eyes were fixed on my stomach as he ran his hand over my skin as if he couldn't believe it.

"And that's coming from you, babe." I really meant it, Niall was the most beautiful person I had ever seen and I wasn't just saying this because he was my boyfriend, maybe I was a little biased, but all in all I believed that I was right.

"Shush." He mumbled, but his cheeks turned red and it was so pretty, I wanted to pull him back up so I could kiss him, but he suddenly linked his fingers under my boxer shorts. "Lift your hips."

"Impatient?" My laugh was a little breathless as he just got rid of the only piece of clothing that I had been wearing, I was semi hard from how he had kept rubbing against me before when he had been on top of me and from the kisses all over my body, but as he smirked at me now and pressed his lips very close to my length, I definitely got bigger problems and automatically spread my legs a little wider.

"You know, I've been thinking about something lately." Niall was insane, he was trying to have a normal conversation with me all while placing feather light kisses all over my inner thighs and only letting his finger tips touch me where I wanted it the most.

"R-Really?" My breathless answer made Niall laugh a little, I was still watching him, trying not to moan, it was unbelievable what he did to me while hardly touching me, if he kept this up I could've probably cum just from this and from looking at him like this, because damn, he was hot with his skin all flushed and his sweatpants being barely held by his hips.

"Yeah… would you mind if I… if I topped this time?" The smile was so insanely cute, I swear, if he hadn't suddenly fully wrapped his hand around me, maybe I would've adored his face a little longer instead of breathing in sharply and pressing my eyes closed for a second.

"I'd love you to." He had never done it before, telling me he was scared to hurt me and I got that because I had been really scared about that as well, still was sometimes, but this immediately got me even more turned on, I had imagined it a few times but hadn't wanted to push it. "You'll feel-ah… amazing inside me."

"Okay." Niall simply said, I heard the smile in his voice, but I didn't open my eyes to check when he kitten licked at the tip, I had no idea why he was so bloody good at blow jobs, at everything really, so there was absolutely no doubt that he'd be awesome at this as well.

It carried on for a bit, Niall working me with both his mouth and his hands, until I had to push him off because if he really wanted to top, then I didn't wanna cum before, which was also his reason for not wanting me to return the favor. 

"Get on your stomach, okay?" Instead of answering, I just did, trying not to hiss at the friction that the blanket caused, it was hard to keep myself from thrusting down just a little, but I buried my face in between my elbow, waiting for Niall to do something. "You gotta tell me if I hurt you, okay? And if I'm not any good, because I love to be bottom and I wouldn't mind if I we just keep on doing this, promise me, please." 

"I promise, Ni." He wouldn't be bad at anything, because I felt that I could've come from just hearing him taking his pants off and climbing over me to kiss my shoulder blade softly, sitting on my ass while going through the draw. I sounded like a horny teenager but that's just what Niall was doing to me. "You're not going to hurt me though."

"How do you know?" It sounded unsure as he moved down to my legs again, I kinda liked that I couldn't see what he was doing.

"I've done it to myself before, you know, to see how it feels for you every time and how much it hurts." And also, I had been trying to find out how to do it better, I had never told him though, because it would've sounded as if I was so desperate for it that I had to use my own fingers.

"You fingered yourself and you didn't tell me?" Somehow he sounded surprised, but I heard something else in his voice, as if he liked the thought.

"Yeah, sorry." I really felt guilty now, but that feeling disappeared very quickly as I felt Niall shamelessly touching my ass before spreading the cheeks, I kinda was expecting everything right now, but it definitely was not his fucking tongue. "Fuck…"

He hadn't done this in forever, only once or twice after that one night when we both had been drunk as fuck, so it was no wonder that I couldn't help myself and thrusted against the bed involuntarily now, being stopped by Niall pressing down harder and making attempts to push it in. 

"You're so… b-bloody good at this… oh god…" My hand already hurt from grabbing the pillow so tightly, I wouldn't even last for two minutes if he kept doing this, I was already moaning more than I usually was. "N-Ni… s-stop… please, ugh…"

Feeling his breath as he giggled made my toes curl but he followed my wish then, placing a few kisses around the area before sitting up again, opening the container of lube. "I'm sorry if I fuck this up, Li."

"You won't, baby. I'll tell you if it hurts." Probably not immediately though, I didn't wanna discourage him right in the beginning and I'd get used to the pain eventually, so when Niall rubbed his finger against my entrance, I keened, desperate for him to just do it. "I-It's okay, I trust you…"

I was doing rather good with one finger I guess, so when Niall inserted a second, I bit my teeth together and didn't say a word when it stung like hell, like expected the pain disappeared after a bit as he moved them slowly, suddenly hitting a spot that made me see stars. "Good?"

"Hell, y-yes, do another… " This was the best I had had ever felt probably, Niall moving three fingers inside to stretch me and occasionally hitting the bundle of nerves that always had him moaning extremely loudly as well whenever I did the same to him.

As he moved up, not pulling his fingers out though and continuing to scissor them, I suddenly felt his very hot breath against my ear, and his chest pressing against my sticky back. "Liam?"

"W-What?" His voice had changed a little, he was only whispering and it was very hard to concentrate on his words while he had his fingers inside of me.

"When you did this to yourself… did you think about me?" Oh god, if he was going to do dirty talk now then I definitely would not last until the end, I was fucking close already, since fifteen minutes now, ever since he stripped me down.

"Y-Yes…" Of course I had, what did he think I had done this for?

"Did you cum?" The fact that he was also kissing my ear now and then moved on to the back of my neck and shoulders had me grabbing around very awkwardly to still his hand, otherwise I would've ruined our mattress right now.

"Y-Yeah…" My answer made Niall torture me a little more, he didn't move his fingers anymore but he also didn't pull out immediately, just placing more kisses and sometimes letting me feel his tongue slightly to make me groan. Even in this situation though, I couldn't stop thinking about how fucking cute his giggle was, which happened almost every time he managed to get an especially loud moan out of me. 

As he finally removed his fingers and got off of me, I thought he'd finally do what I had wanted him to since forever, but no, he just kissed the inside of my knee. "Can you turn onto your back again? I wanna look at you."

That idea was very appealing to me as well, I didn't even waste any breath to answer but just did it, breathing hard as mine and Niall's eyes met again, he was hard too, just from this, and he was flushed all down to his chest, but he still stopped a second to let his eyes wander over my body. 

"Perfect…" I wasn't really sure if I had heard right, but as he tried to reach out for the condom, I stopped him without thinking about it, earning a confused look.

"I'm clean." Was all I said, it took him a second to understand but then a smile spread across his face.

"Me too." We had never done it without a condom before, I had just thought that maybe it would be a good moment because he also had never topped, so yeah, I was really excited when he reached out again, but to grab the lube again this time and let me watch as he put it on himself, I would've done it but I was too speechless from just seeing him touching himself.

Niall's worries came back as he lined himself up, leaning over me again now, with his hands on either side of my head, pressing a kiss onto my lips, it was nice that we could do this again. "Hi…"

"Hi, babe…" He leaned into my touch for a second as I brushed some hear out of his forehead, still not attempting to move anytime soon. "You can do it, Ni, I'm gonna be fine, I promise."

There was only a nod and he bit his bottom lip, taking his eyes never off of his face to search for the slightest signs of pain as he pushed in very slowly, until I told him to go a bit faster because the stinging would be over sooner then, so he nodded, doing exactly what I wanted all while I was still brushing his hair, to let him know that I was fine.

When his hips were flush against mine finally, I saw how hard it was for him to just not go for it, but I couldn't help but grip his hair a little tighter, trying to catch my breath. "Wait, please, just a second."

"Of course, Li, I'm sorry. I can also pull out again if it hurts too much, okay?" Niall immediately leaned down to sprinkle my sweaty face with a few kisses, calmingly rubbing his hand on my arm as I tried to adjust. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah… come here for a second." We kissed for a bit, it was really nice like this, I slowly started to feel better with him inside of me and it was actually mind blowing, but Niall still waited, pecking my lips a few more times before nuzzling his face against my neck and just waiting even as I gave him the okay to move, just so he could really be sure that I was okay. "Niall, I'm completely okay now, it doesn't hurt anymore, you feel amazing, babe."

"You too…" It was definitely harder for him to talk, he lifted his head again, turning so he could press his lips into my palms when I stroked over his glowing cheekbone. "Really okay?"

"Absolutely." I smiled again and Niall nodded, his eyes were locked with mine again as he moved out a little to rock back inside, making both of us moan, I hadn't thought that it could be even better but it just had. "It's f-fine… Just go as fast as you want to…"

We found a rhythm pretty easily, Niall patted my hand away as I touched myself, doing it himself instead while pressing his lips against mine, we kissed for a while but when he hit just the right spit, it turned into only breathing into each other's mouth, neither of us being able to keep quiet.

"S-Sorry, babe… I- shit, I'm gonna…" Because of everything he had done before, it wasn't a surprise for me that I didn't last very long, but he was also bloody amazing at this.

"W-Wait… I'm nearly t-there…" He sounded pretty close already as well, our skin was sticking together now ever time we moved a little bit, I felt how cold Niall's hand was on my face while I was clinging to his shoulders, our foreheads pressed together now, breath mixing, it was perfect. "O-Okay… "

It was a first that we actually came together, but it was mind blowing and Niall collapsed on top of me afterwards, none of us minding the mess between us, he didn't even pull out immediately but rather stayed like this for a while, with his head tugged under chin, both of us trying to catch our breath as we held onto each other tightly. "That was absolutely amazing. And you thought you might be bad at this."

"I still like it better when you do it, actually." Niall lazily lifted his head to kiss me, smiling sleepily afterwards. 

"We can do whatever you want, I like it equally." He felt perfect either way, I reached out to pull the blanket over us because I was starting to feel a little cold even though I had Niall top of me, he seemed really thankful for it, cuddling further into me. "Do you wanna go take a shower?"

"Yes, but… actually, no, I don't mind it and I don't wanna move or let go of you." The following yaw was so fucking adorable that I couldn't have looked away even if I had wanted to, I reached out to run my fingers through his sticky hair then before going over to stroking his skin.

"We don't have to, I don't mind it either. We should probably sleep before you pass out here, babe." It was so cute, the way he insisted on not being tired after I had said that, he kept kissing me, hardly kissing back in the end though, his eyes falling closed yet he still pressed his lips against mine again every time I leaned back.

When he pulled out of me, letting me turn both of us to our sides, he moved one of his legs in between mine while I stroke his still sweaty forehead and kissed the tip of his nose softly, just admiring his face and smiling softly to myself over his sleepiness.

Niall passed out like five minutes after we had changed our position, he still looked as he wanted to stay something but he simply didn't managed to anymore. I pulled him against me even closer, convinced that I would keep him safe tonight, no nightmares anymore, never again, I'd do anything possible now. "Goodnight, baby boy, sleep tight."

 

———

 

It took us three more weeks to plan the wedding, not that we were in any rush or so, but we didn't even want to make it big, we didn't even have a lot of people to invite or anything and Niall suggested we could use the same suits we had used for going to Harry's and Louis' wedding because he cared that less, he just wanted to kiss and hold me the whole time, driving our wedding planner insane after a while. 

Despite everyone's worries about us being not serious enough, everything went perfectly, I didn't notice anything besides Niall that day anyway, he looked the best he ever head, and the fact that he stumbled in front of the altar made both of us laugh so hard that it was almost embarrassing when no one else joined. Almost, in the end, I didn't care though, no one mattered even half as much as Niall.

Our wedding vows probably made a few people groan to themselves, we had written them ourselves and Niall had put in so many dirty jokes and insider jokes that I had a hard time even bringing my own words out afterwards. We knew what we felt for each other after all, we said it every day, and I felt it whenever we touched or looked at each other.

Harry and Louis had insisted on everyone coming to their house afterwards, just like at their wedding, I agreed because I didn't mind where we were when I would just be staring at Niall and Niall told them he would only come under the condition that they gave him a key for the guest room so he could pull me inside whenever he felt like it. Surprisingly, they did, maybe because they were scared Niall would strip me down in front of everybody, when in reality, we didn't even plan on staying that long.

"Liam…" We hadn't planned on being the first ones to dance, but somehow everyone seemed to be expecting, so I pulled Niall closer by his waist, but his arms only wrapped around my neck hesitantly as he whispered my name.

"What?" Everyone was staring at us, well, they had all day long already, I had gotten used to it by now, just focusing on the way Niall bit his lip.

"I can't dance. Like, not even a little bit." It sounded really panicked and I laughed softly, rubbing his sides.

"I know, baby, no worries, I have an idea." Before Niall could ask me what it was, I just pressed my lips against his eagerly, not hesitating to deepening it very inappropriately for being in public and having everyone's eyes on us. Niall immediately played along, or maybe he just wanted to kiss me really badly, I was fine with it either way as he his arms tightened even more, sighing into my mouth.

Like expected, everyone was suddenly busy with themselves as we pulled away again, both of us breathing hard for going a little further than I had planned on, but Niall laughed anyway while trying to catch his breath. "That was really affective, thank you for saving me."

"No problem, babe, I kinda got tired of the staring anyway, they can go look for someone else to creepily look at, you're mine." We were still really close, I don't think that I could've held him even tighter actually, but it's not like we would've wanted it any other way, today was just for us.

"My mother's throwing glances at us as if she's going to poison the cake later." Niall had been looking over my shoulder and he laughed, carefree and not bothered at all that his mum still not fully approved of this, everyone else did though, I had seen a few tears flowing before actually.

"Just wait until we send her a postcard from our honeymoon, the flat will be burned out when we come back." The funny thing actually was that we'd be away at the same time as Harry and Louis for their one year anniversary, different places of course, so we had gotten married about eleven months after them, which was quite funny, thinking about it, how much had happened in just one year.

"I'm not worried, Zayn told me last week that he wants to propose to Perrie as well, so there's something else my mum can get mad about." His laugh was so beautiful, I loved what he had done to his hair, it looked amazing after just waking up, but today he looked even better, I hadn't thought it was possible and maybe it was the fact that he was my husband now but either way I could hardly manage to look away.

We were just moving slightly to the music now, just to make it seem as if we were actually doing something but in reality none of us really cared about the party anyway, which was also why Niall spoke up after kissing me once more. "I think an hour is enough, you look mind blowing in that suit, babe, but I'd rather see you without."

This made me feel really hot, I grabbed his hips a little tighter now, pressing us closer together. "I'd love to leave, Ni, but Harry and Louis were so excited about this and I think they'll throw a fit if we leave already. And Louis might talk his sisters out of looking after Jellybeans when we're gone in case we piss him off."

"I wish we could take her with us." Niall sighed and shrugged when I looked at him, a little surprised about how attached he really was to this cat, it was really cute. "She's like our child."

"If you feed our real children as much as you feed her then I might change my mind about that." I wouldn't and Niall knew because I laughed slightly at him, kissing his forehead softly.

"I know that you want kids too, Li, and I'm not gonna feed them too much, no worries." We really wanted kids, Niall had started talking about it sometime during the last few weeks, that he hadn't actually been joking that one time we had pretended to be together at that restaurant, he really wanted two kids, but I had managed to talk him out of calling one of them Niall junior. "So what was that about leaving again?"

"Nothing, you said that, babe." His pouty lips were too cute, I gave him a peck, quickly thinking something through in my mind. "You got the key, right? They really gave it to you?"

"You…" It felt so wrong to suggest that but suddenly Niall's eyes went wide and a very big grin spread across his face as he grabbed me tighter. "Really? You're okay if we actually do it? I've just been joking, you know."

"Well, I'm not joking right now, Ni, I mean, if you begged me then I probably wouldn't be able to resist, _Mr. Payne_." There was no begging needed, Niall let go of me when he heard what I called him, grabbing my hand and making me laugh loudly, a few heads turned as he pulled me through a few people, there weren't much anyway so it was even more obvious as Niall and me disappeared inside. I knew that at least Harry and Louis had seen us, but to be completely honest, I didn't care about anyone staring at us for coming back out again with messy hair and clothes and in Niall's case, probably a really flushed face. And if we needed to go into the guest room a few times more often after that, then we would.

Our life was simply perfect right now and with Niall by my side, I knew that it would stay this way, we'd get through anything if we just had each other, and feeling our rings pressing together whenever our fingers were intertwined was proof that we'd only hold onto each other even tighter now.


End file.
